A/N: If anyone's ever wondered, the part where Midbus accidentally calls for a Koopa was originally a pun like the Dry Bones part, since in Japanese, Koopas are called "Nokonoko", the onomatopoeia for crawling. Hence it became "crawls like a Koopa" in English, although the joke itself doesn't survive the translation at all. There's also no plural markers, so even the "dry bone" wordplay worked better. Anyway, I just thought I'd share that tidbit: M&L:BIS usually has really clever writing, and that flat joke always stood out like a sore thumb for me until I remembered the Japanese stuff, and now I can at least appreciate the original line's wit better.

Chapter 21: Castle in the Sky

Bowser had landed near the edge of the woods and decided it would be easier to go around the forest rather than cutting back through it, so he set off across Bumpsy Plains. It wasn't an overly interesting area, filled with tall yellowing grasses and dotted with streams leading to Blubble Lake to the west. There was a sign for something called 'Slide Fit'; Snifit-masked flowers called Flifits that were usually accompanied by blue Snifits with butterfly wings, of all things; tiny seed-like Sneeds that Bowser could simply step on; and strange crown-wearing Lakitu that fled when they saw Bowser coming. As they should: no Koopa should wear a crown besides their one true king. Of course, just because he could didn't mean that Bowser wanted to. He knew who he was, and so did everyone else: crowns were for princesses and ninnies as far as he was concerned.

The sun was starting to set by the time Bowser made it to the entrance of the path leading to his castle. For his traveling ease, he had a crew of Monty Moles digging tunnels all across the Mushroom Kingdom. One day he hoped to lay down some new Warp Pipes to really speed things along with his kidnappings, but for now, being able to walk from A to B underground was still a major advantage. With any luck, a tunnel straight to Toad Town would be completed soon – meaning he wouldn't even need to risk being seen as he flew between Peach's Castle and his own fortress in his Clown Car. Yep, the tunnel project, or Project K, as Bowser had codenamed it, was one of his better plans. Usually he had all the entrances blocked off with boulders to keep law-abiding Mushroom Kingdom citizens out, but while a patch of tall grass still hit the Bumpsy Plains entrance, to Bowser's chagrin, he found no boulder.

In fact, it was pretty clear that interlopers had breached the tunnel, for there was now a strange floating TV placed just within the entrance. Narrowing his eyes suspiciously, Bowser walked up to the TV, giving it a tentative whack and watching as Broque's face appeared on the screen.

"Ah! Monsieur Turtle Bits!" cried Broque, happy to see his friend back to his normal size. "Zis block called to you, honh? 'What is zis block,' you think. 'I must know!' What is it? Well, it is a shop block! Oui, with zis magnifique block, you can enjoy zee pleasures of shopping while traveling! I set zee blocks in many places while I was searching for my naughty little Broggy, oui. And with zem, you can be face-to-face with Broque Monsieur in an instant. How nice, eh? So tell me, Monsieur Turtle Bits. What is it you want, honh? If you desire, I can provide zee fresh negative-ion treatment!"

Deciding against letting someone besides Chippy screw around with his health for the time being, Bowser took his leave of Broque and went further into the tunnels, ignoring the sign telling him that the shortcut was still under construction. He soon discovered that the block man wasn't the only intruder, as the tunnels were crawling with Chain Comps infected by some sort of Fawfulized Sworm worms. Bowser figured they were what cleared out the boulder in the entrance and made a point to de-worm every Chomp he came across with his vacuum breath, trusting Chippy to make sure they didn't burrow into his brain instead.

As he moseyed along, a sound other than the barking of freed Chain Chomps running amok echoed through the tunnels: "Huuungry…" Curious, Bowser followed the voices, glad they seemed to be coming from the same direction as the castle.

"Want out now…"

"Baaack hurts…"

"So sick of standing."

"Where's our Bowser…"

Entering the last section of recently-completed tunnel, Bowser caught sight of a cage filled with Shy Guys at the far end. The tunnel was covered in treadmills used to help carry out the rubble caused by new excavation, but for some reason they were all turned on now as well. And for reasons completely beyond Bowser's understanding, someone had gone so far as to install a "Treadmill Fit" sign on the wall, advertising the health benefits of walking against treadmills as you commuted to the castle.

Bowser briefly wondered if some wise-guy minion put the sign up or if it had been one of Fawful's crew, but with a shrug, he set off across the treadmills. The Shy Guys didn't even notice his approach until he was right on top of them and smashing the cage apart. They stared in shock, but when the metal bars shattered and fell away off the platform and into the deep pit below, they found their voices with a vengeance.

"FREEEE!"

"King Bowser!"

"THANK YOOOU!"

Bowser grinned. "All right! C'mon, you guys!"

But as Bowser walked away, the Shy Guys remained on the platform, chattering excitedly to one another.

"Finally freeee!"

"Our king rules!"

"Hey, what's with all the chatter!" growled Bowser, walking back to the minions and getting carried away again by the treadmill as soon as he stopped to speak. Stomping back, he tried to get their attention again. "The chatter! Quit it!" Still no movement – if they didn't come this time, he was leaving them behind. "Move it!"

But this last shout got their attention. "SHOO-RAH!" they chorused, running back with Bowser. Like the Goombas, they swore to help him whenever he needed them, but the Koopa King, as proud as ever, let them run off and continued on his own path alone. Upon exiting the tunnel, he could see his castle nearby, perched atop its usual column of rock in the middle of the volcano's mouth. He quickly hurried along the network of bridges linking the castle to the tunnel, fighting off more Swormy Chomps and the Fawfulcopters that now joined them overhead. There were a few Shy Guys here too, dressed in orange and wearing Fawful masks. Bowser didn't have time to wonder if they were traitors or had been brainwashed, and swatted the Fawful Guys away like flies as he bore down on the castle.

-xxxxx-

Unfortunately for Bowser, like his Banzai Bill, his enemies saw him coming and inside the castle, Midbus's right-hand Goomba jumped up in alarm. "My Lord Midbus! Bowser approaches!"

"MUH MUH! The clock strikes payback hour. Do plan two. To your posts!" he ordered, unconcerned about the Koopa King.

"Roger!" chorused both the Goombas at his side and at their signal, the castle's engines were fired up again and it lifted off.

-xxxxx-

Bowser growled in frustration – he had just reached the landing dock at the center of the volcano. "Whatcha got now, huh?" he raged at the fleeing fortress. "Not that it matters much! I WILL have my revenge!" With a renewed fire in his belly, Bowser chased after the castle, mowing down everything that opposed him.

-xxxxx-

Watching his progress on the monitor in the throne room, Midbus laughed. "MUH MUH MUH! He crawls up like a Koopa. Such is Bowser's courage."

The Goombas shared a side-glance. Koopa? How was that an insult?

"You rang?" asked a Koopa. The pig's voice carried far, and with his steadfast refusal to learn anyone's name, most of the minions assumed that if their species name was called and no one else went running, they were probably on the hook for something.

But not this time. "I DID NOT!" snorted Midbus, looking back at the monitors as the Koopa ran off. "Bowser! Next time, I punch your thigh bone, your eye bone, and your dry bone!"

Again, the Goomba's raised their eyebrows in confusion. Punch his what bone?

"Ummm… Did you call?" asked a nearby Dry Bones, stepping forward.

"NO!" growled Midbus. Bowser's minions were quite annoying sometimes.

"Thought not…" muttered the Dry Bones, returning to his guard post.

Looking at the Goombas, Midbus indicated for the loudspeakers to be activated, and his next words echoed far beyond the castle walls and out across the whole volcano. "Bowser! Next time goes a different way than this way went."

"Learn to speak already! And then bring it on, chump!" responded Bowser, knowing that his voice would be picked up by the surveillance equipment.

Midbus scowled. "Hmph. I scoff. I scoff at you. You bluff. If it time. The special weapon of Lord Fawful. I will release it. SUPER ULTRA WONDER ULTIMATE RUTHLESS GREAT IRON BALL! HYAH!"

Bowser watched as a canon rose out of the top of his castle, but rather than a Banzai Bill, it fired a massive cannonball through the air. Who does this guy think he is? King K. Rool? guffawed Bowser to himself, but his eyes soon widened as he realized the pig had good aim – the cannonball was careening straight for him. "GOOOOOH!" he grunted as he caught the cannonball. Clearly, he still had some of the extra energy kicking around from his growth spurt earlier, and Starlow wanted to make sure he stayed un-squashed this time. She hustled the Bros. to the familiar Arm Center for some quick energy sharing. "HOOORGH! NOOOOOOOOORGH!" Bowser strained as the familiar power boost flowed through his body. By this point, he was sure it was Chippy behind the supercharges, but that was fine with him as with a final "Hrroarg!" he chucked the cannonball straight back at his castle.

The cannonball hit home, and Bowser watched as the patch job that had been done on the castle during the past couple hours fell away, revealing the damage he had dealt to it before while he was huge, and which was now joined by the new cannonball damage. Shuddering and smoking, the castle started to sink out of the air, but whoever was piloting it managed to get it to touch down on its landing place, rather than the lava all around it. Bowser roared in triumph. "Hmph! Like that, chump?" He then paused and took in the damage. But… My castle… His temper flared over as he thought of everything Fawful and Midbus had made him do to his poor castle. "It will be mine again!" he vowed and headed back.