CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

Tables Have Turned

My alarm woke me at half past five and I wasn't ready to wake up yet, so I hit the snooze button and turned over in my bed. Why did I set it half an hour early? I pulled the covers back up over my shoulders and snuggled my head into my pillow, ready to go back to sleep. Mark. I sat up and remembered why I needed to be up earlier than usual.

I went downstairs still in my night clothes and put on a pot of coffee while I boiled the kettle for a cup of tea. I checked the 'fridge to see if I had everything I needed and was relieved that I didn't need to go to the supermarket this early too.

I had my cup of tea and went back up to get dressed. I brushed my teeth but skipped my shower for now and slipped out of the house.

I came back just after six and started chopping tomatoes and put on some bacon. While that was cooking, I went for my shower and got re-dressed and hurried back down to turn the bacon.

Everything was ready and I crept upstairs, I don't know why I crept as I was on my way up to wake Mark anyway! I had a few plans for today but I left a few gaps in case Mark wanted to do something else.

I opened the door and Mark wasn't in the bed. I set the tray down on the bed and went over to the bathroom, I could hear Mark turn off a tap and I lightly knocked on the door. I expected him to talk to me from behind the door, but he opened it, and he was dripping wet and wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. Bloody Hell! I couldn't stop my face from turning crimson and I couldn't stop thinking about him taking that towel off and to Hell with breakfast!

"What is it with me and you and a bathroom door? And why is it I'm always half dressed?" Mark chuckled and I blushed even more.

"Don't know! Maybe you were a naturist in a former life!" I laughed it off, but I still couldn't stop looking at Mark's half naked body. Although, I was getting better at hiding it!

"So, what to I owe the honour of having you in a bedroom so early?" I could have woken up here if I came in last night...

"I brought you breakfast in bed." Mark looked over my shoulder and saw the tray on the bed. He thanked me and I had to turn my back while he dressed. It was torture. The kind of torture the Geneva Convention frowned upon. I want to see him..

"OK, darlin' you can look now." I turned to find Mark dressed. Gutted!

He sat in bed and asked me to sit with him.

He ate his bacon and fried tomato sandwich and saw the envelope under the plate.

"What's this?" Mark opened the envelope and started laughing. "You are serious about this aren't you?" He kept laughing and I wondered if it was mocking laughter or pleasant laughter.

"I know it's silly, isn't it?"

"Maybe a little bit, but it's also incredibly sweet." Mark put the envelope down and put his hand on mine. "Thank you, sweetheart." I pulled my hand away and immediately regretted it. How am I going to get him out of my system if I won't even let him touch me?

Mark looked confused and I wanted to do what came natural to me and find something else to do, but I forced myself to stay where I was.

After we came down from breakfast, I put some washing on and was stood washing the pots when Mark came behind me and put his hands on my hips. Crap, I've no where to run this time.

"I never told you my 'something' yesterday." I was confused at first about what he meant but then remembered about being sat in the café yesterday and he said if I told him something, then he would tell me something.

I nodded, letting Mark know I was ready to hear it, but it took all my strength to listen to him because I was trying so hard not to get turned on by him being so close to me, I felt his breath on my shoulder as he whispered to me in a low, sexy voice that he got jealous too.

My knees almost gave out and Mark walked away leaving me in my stupor. He got jealous of me kissing someone else? I hoped that meant he felt something for me, but then it dawned on me what it actually was. He was mad that I had walked away from him so many times, yet I behaved like that with a complete stranger. That's what it was. Stupid territorial cave man crap.

I finished drying and putting away the pots and went to see Mark, who was sat in the front room watching a breakfast TV programme.

"I thought we could go shopping and get you a present, since I never got to see you on your actual birthday."

Mark laughed at me and said he thought I didn't like to shop, which I didn't. "I don't mind shopping for someone else and I really want to get you a present. In fact, the only thing that gets me through a shopping trip is to get a gift for someone I care..." What the...? I stopped myself and wondered where the Hell that came from.

"What was that, sweetheart?" Mark looked at me, daring me to finish what I almost said, but I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction.

"I thought we could also have lunch out, maybe a picnic since the weather is unseasonably warm, then we could go to the London Dungeons and do tourist stuff, but if there is something that you would rather do, then we'll do that." I knew I was rambling, but the way Mark kept looking at me made me uncomfortable. Not like creepy uncomfortable, but more like that uncomfortable no reason to feel guilty but do anyway feeling you get going through the metal detectors at an airport. "What?" It was doing my head in what he kept staring at me for and Mark stood up, moving so close to me that my temperature soared and my heart was on the verge of giving out.

"Nothin'. That's your favourite word, isn't it?" Am I lost somewhere? "If I asked you to tell me what you were thinking or to tell me what you were going to say, that's the word I would get, isn't it? Nothin'."

"Why are you being weird?" Don't let him see he has my number.

"I'm not being weird, I'm just being curious. I know you're a stubborn thing and I know to get you to say how you feel would be like pulling teeth, but why don't you try it once in a while?" This is all because I said something I shouldn't have. Me and my damn mouth.

I started to walk out of the room, telling Mark he was being stupid, when he grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

"Get off me." I yanked my arm free and pushed him. I tried to run, but I was kept grounded to the spot.

Mark took a few steps back and pointed to the kitchen. "Go on then, run off like you always do, I won't stop ya." He looked so pleased with himself that he made me react, but I couldn't do anything but react to him. He wants me to run off so he's right about me. Well, I see what you're doing, Calaway.

"Fuck you. I'm not going anywhere." I stood my ground, I was resolute and Hell bent that he wouldn't let me feel anything. Mark looked amused and it pissed me off all the more. "What are you being such a dick for? I'm just trying to do something nice for you, and all you can do is attack me, so I think you're the one who needs to start fucking talking."

"How about you go in the kitchen where you belong and make a coffee and we'll have a nice chat?" Is he fucking serious?

I told him exactly what I thought about his suggestion and where he could stick it, but he just laughed at me.

"I really don't think you'll survive a week with me so you better go home now." Mark looked at me for a minute, wondering whether I was serious about him leaving, but then he started smiling again. Stop fucking smiling at me.

"I won't survive? Are you a serial killer or somethin' darlin'" You fucking prick...

I let my mouth run and run, not stopping for air until I had wiped that smile off his fucking face. I had said too much in my little rant, but at least he wasn't smiling any more!

We stood silent and I knew I had really gone overboard, but he pushed me into it and I wasn't sorry. In all this, I had learned he was stubborn too and we both waited for the other one to say the first word, to make the first move, but it wasn't going to be me!

"OK, you win, I was just trying to get you to open up. I'm sorry that I made you mad." Mark tried to take my hand, but I stepped away, interlacing my fingers behind my back so he couldn't try it again. I stormed off into the kitchen and put the kettle on and replaced the filter in the coffee pot. I tried to calm myself, but the more I tried, the more it upset me. How is it that he can get to me? I don't even know him!

Mark came and sat in the chair he seemed to have claimed as his own around the breakfast table and asked if he was allowed to speak to me again and gave me a puppy dog look that Elle could only dream of! At least he's learning!

I made the drinks and sat opposite Mark and asked why he started having a go at me.

"The only time I have seen you give in to how you feel was the other night. I saw heat and so much energy coming off you and I really liked what I saw. I like you fired up!" Is he kidding? He pissed me off because he finds some sort of perverse pleasure in seeing me angry? "I know that sounds strange, sweetheart, but I noticed that when you got mad with me the other night, you said things that I know full well you wouldn't say unless you had no control over yourself. I figured it could either be because you were shit-faced, or it was because you were angry, so I decided to see which one it was."

"That was a test? Some sort of experiment to get me to tell you that I want to..." Stop talking! Mark was looking very pleased with himself that he could get me to almost say what I really think. "...Fuck you!" OK, that was exactly what I tried to stop myself from saying!

Mark just sipped his coffee and never said a word, but his expression told me everything. He was happy with himself that he had managed to get under my skin, like it was some sort of Olympic sport and he had won gold. I wasn't going to let him think he had won, so I did what I do best and acted like everything was fine and I left the table to wash my cup.

"You still want to go out today?" I said it in my most pleasant voice, the voice I reserved for meeting important people who could swing decisions to my favour. I laid it on thick that we should still go ahead with celebrating his birthday and Mark asked why I was being weird this time!

"You said you were sorry, so lets move on. This doesn't have to ruin the rest of the day."

We spent the day doing tourist stuff like going to Trafalgar Square, Piccadilly Circus (although, it looks so much better at night) and we went to the Tower of London. I have to admit, I have had a really nice time and have genuinely enjoyed the day so far. Without even trying, Mark and I had grew closer and I liked to see him happy.

"Lets head back and I'll pack a picnic if you want, or we could go to the famous Harvey Nichols for lunch if you want to stay in keeping with Tourist stuff."

"A picnic sounds great to me."

We headed back out of the house and I took Mark to my favourite spot in St. James' Park. I laid the blanket out next to the little duck pond that was concealed under a huge Willow tree and Mark unpacked the picnic basket.

"I'm starving, I hope you packed the whole refrigerator!" Mark dug into his sandwich before I had even sat down! "You make a mean sandwich, sweetheart."

"Don't give yourself indigestion! What do you want to do when we've finished here? We could go to The Natural History Museum, or to the Planetarium, which is right near Baker Street if you want to visit 221B!"

Mark started laughing at my eagerness to find more things to do together, but the truth was, I didn't want today to end. I have had the best day I've had in a long time and it was all down to Mark.

"Let's just sit and enjoy this before we talk about later."

Every scrap of food was gone and we fed the ducks with some bread that I had packed when Mark started laughing.

"What's so funny?"

"I just realised something has been missing all day!" I asked what and Mark started laughing again. "You're cell phone! I haven't heard it ring once!"

I started to laugh and I had to admit it was nice to have a day off from everything. Just one day to relax and not worry about work and being able to get through a meal without interruption.

"I left it back at the house. In fact...are you ready for this?" Mark smiled and nodded. "I switched it off last night and I haven't turned it back on!" Mark joked around and smiled a wonderful smile and tried to hold my hand, but I once again pulled away. What is wrong with me? Mark looked confused and a little put out that I had refused to have any kind of physical contact with him and I was just as confused.

As much as I had started to feel at ease with Mark, and I knew sex was the one way to stop him from making me feel anything for him, something inside put the breaks on every time we got close and I didn't know what that was.

"Sorry. I just don't hold hands."

"I did notice that darlin'. You ready to pack up now?" Mark pointed to the picnic basket and then I remembered the most important bit of this. The reason I suggested a picnic in the first place.

"Not just yet. Go sit down because I have something for you." Mark made a suggestive comment and I blushed. How can he make me feel like a bloody school girl?

We sat back down on the blanket and I took out a cup cake with a candle on. Mark burst out laughing, but so what? I lit the candle and told him he had to make a wish.

He blew out the candle and asked me if I wanted to know what he wished for.

"No because then it won't come true will it!" I never thought of myself as superstitious, but I guess I was after all!

"If I don't tell you my wish, it won't come true. I need you to make it happen." All sorts of things went through my mind, so I cautiously asked what his wish was. He shuffled over to me and leaned over, inches away from my face. "I wish for a birthday kiss." Oh crap. I wanted to kiss him, but I didn't at the same time. Kissing Mark would be something I probably couldn't come back from and I didn't want to see what lay beyond the darkness. Quick. Do something!

Mark was inching ever closer to me so I panicked and kissed his cheek.

"Happy birthday." I got up and started messing with my hair and fiddling with my belt. Anything to avoid looking at Mark

"You wanna head back home now?" Home? I don't have a home.

"But I haven't got a present for you yet. We could go to Camden or Notting Hill, they have some really good independent shops there and you might find something you like."

Mark got an expression on his face, that was now starting to look familiar. A very mischievous, yet very sexy expression.

He told me he already knew what he wanted, and that he couldn't get it in any shop. My heart rate doubled and I'm sure I blushed! I wish he wasn't just after sex. Where did that come from?

I started tidying up and we took the tube back to the house.

We spent the rest of the evening watching TV and I said goodnight and went up to get a bath. My feet were killing me after all the walking we had done today and in heels too! I usually wore flats unless I was at a fund raising thing, but with Mark here I wore them all the time just to be closer to his height!

I was just about to get in the bath, when Mark knocked on the bathroom door. Me and you and a bathroom door!

"If I open this door, you better not be half naked out there!" I heard Mark let out a riotous laugh and I had never heard anything like it. It made me smile that he was happy, although I kind of hoped he was wearing nothing on the other side of the door!

"I brought you up a cup of tea and I want to talk to you about something." My chest tightened and a panic set in.

"Er...OK...give me ten minutes and I'll come find you." What does he want to talk about?

I lay in the warm water and let the tension leave me, but it didn't last. Is tonight the night I let myself forget him?

After getting out of the bath and putting on my night dress, I found Mark in his room and he was stood by the window waiting for me and I could sense straight away that something wasn't right. He was stood with one arm on the window and his other arm hung loosely by his side.

"What is it Mark?" He looked like his world had ended and I instinctively went over to comfort him. The feeling I got was not a good one and my heart sank as I thought it could be things with his wife that were upsetting him. I rubbed his back and rested my head on his shoulder and this time, no breaks were applied. I felt his muscles tense and it worried me. "Are you all right?" What's wrong? He was fine earlier.

Mark turned around, giving me a reassuring smile and placed his hands in his jeans pockets. He said he was tired and had a lot on his mind. His wife?

"What is it what you wanted to talk about? Is it your wife?" Mark looked almost angry, but then the look went within seconds and he took his hands out of his pockets and wrapped them around my waist, my hands were on his chest and I could feel his heart beating fast. He reminded me that things were fine and that he just had a lot on his mind.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Mark shook his head "Well do you want me to go if you're so tired? We could talk in the morning." Mark held me tight to him and told me he didn't want me to go. He pushed my

hair behind my ear and smiled at me. Nuclear fusion.

"Remember when I said I wanted a gift, but I wouldn't get it in any store?" I tentatively nodded my head. Is this where he tells me to get in his bed? I didn't know how to feel about it. I wanted to be with Mark, more than anything, but there was something that stopped me. "Well...the thing is..." Mark fumbled his words and I knew what he was trying to say. Or at least I think I did. "I asked you for the whole night, and that's what I want. I liked falling asleep with you the other night and I want to do it again." Fall asleep with me? I was half gutted and half relieved.

"Er..I have no idea how to respond to that." Mark started chuckling at me and asked me to sleep next to him. My thoughts immediately went to Baltimore and Mark teasing me about being in the room next to his.

I agreed, but I still wasn't sure what all of this was about. Maybe he's a bit lonely after his wife left?

We both went to the same side of the bed. "Hey, that's my side!" Mark said and jokingly shoved me out of the way.

"No, I sleep on the right." And I pushed him back.

"It's my bed, so it's my side!" And shoved me again. We were like a couple of kids and it warmed me to see Mark smile again.

"You invited me into 'your' bed, so be a gentleman and give it up!" I punched Mark in his arm.

"Ouch! That was uncalled for! Go easy with that right hook!" Mark said as he rubbed his arm. I laughed at him being a wimp.

"I was going easy. I'm a lefty!" Mark walked around to the other side of the bed, still rubbing his arm!

"Remind me never to piss you off. I don't want to be on the other end of your left hook if that's how you hit with your right."

"If you snore, I'll give you a demonstration!" Mark sat down and took off his T-shirt. I was a bit disappointed when he left his shorts on.

I sat in bed and watched Mark fidget, trying to get comfortable on the wrong side of the bed.

"I don't like this. It's all wrong." Mark fluffed his pillow and turned on his side to face me. "Talk to me about something, sweetheart." Oh crap. He wants me to get personal.

"Once upon a time..." I giggled and Mark laughed and playfully shoved me.

"I'm being serious! I mean tell me about you. Tell me why you're never home." I didn't know what to say, and Mark saw me recoil. "You have trouble talking, I realise that, but you always find places to go and I think you work so much so you don't have to be here. Why is that?" Mark swept my hair away and lifted my chin so I would look in his eyes, but I pulled away and sat up, the darkness building up in me.

"I'm never home because it's not my home." Why did I just say that? I felt a tear slowly streak down my face and I couldn't believe what was happening. I had never cried in front of anyone.

Mark sat up beside me and put his arm around me, pulling me towards him. No. If he hugs me, I won't be able to stop the flood gates. I pulled away once again and Mark tried to get me to look at him, but I fought him all the way.

"Then why don't you move out and get your own place, sweetheart." I pulled the covers up to my chin and buried my head in my arms.

"Because this is where my dad died. I watched him suffer for so long, he was in so much agony, even having silk sheets against his skin caused him pain and when he finally died, I was happy." I looked up at Mark, who still had his 'Alex' face on. "Can you believe that? I was happy he died." The tears started to fall but there was too many to hide.

Mark pulled me into him and I lost all strength to fight him. "That's why I stay here, that's why I can't bring myself to move out. I deserve to have to see where he died every day, I deserve to live with death." Mark held me tighter to him and tried to tell me he understood and I was wrong, but I wouldn't listen.

I stopped being soft and Mark brushed his fingers through my hair as he told me he was sorry he made me talk about my dad.

"Forget it. I'm just tired, that's all it was." I turned out the light and lay down and pulled the covers over me, while Mark propped himself up on his elbow and continued stroking my hair. The room was pitch black and silent. I wished my head was the same.

"You don't have to brush everything off, sweetheart." I'm done talking.

"I should tell you, I might turn my back on you, but it's not because I'm being ignorant, it's just I like my own space when I go to sleep. I don't like anyone being near me."

"You told me about that, but when you are in bed with someone, how do you fall asleep in their arms?"

"I don't. I also told you I don't cuddle." I don't like talking about this.

Mark put his hand on my shoulder and moved a little closer to me. "It's not being helpless or weak, it's intimacy. It's being close with someone. How could you never have had that?" I just shook my head. Mark laid on his back and lifted his arm up. "Here, let me show you how it's done." Fine. Just to shut him up.

I moved across and rested my head just under his chin. It was a perfect fit. Mark wrapped his arms around me and I could feel all the energy drain away.

"See. It's not so bad is it?" I smiled and had to concede, I did feel relaxed. "No. You may have a point. But I can't sleep like this, I'm not ready for that level yet. Just baby steps for now!"

Mark ran his fingers back and forth over my arm, the lightest touch made my butterflies come back. I gently stroked his chest and I felt like I never have before. Safe. Contented.

"You can have as many steps as it takes." My brain and body were running on vapour and I didn't really register what Mark had said.

"Takes for what?" I listened to his heart beating and that was the last thing I heard.