"Maaaaaaaaasooooon... I'm tireeeeeeeeeeedd..." Bill moaned that morning over an early breakfast.
"That's what we get for having a romantic moment that last five hours," Dipper said, unaware that Mabel was lurking right behind the doorframe, listening to their conversation.
"Erghf," Bill announced as his head fell into his cereal.
"Bill, did you put apple juice in that?" Dipper asked, looking closely at Bill's... mixture of cereals and liquid.
Bill lifted his head out of the bowl. "Isn't that what you're supposed to do?" His face was full of confusion and a little bit of amusement, also apple juice and cereal.
"Nooo. You're supposed to put milk on it. The white stuff that comes out of cows and goats and almonds. I thought I told you this," Dipper said, still rather confused.
"I invented milk. Well, dream demon Bill invented milk. I know how to use it like a bass, and it does not go on cereal."
"Bill, I think you mean boss."
"I'm not going to argue with you about human things."
And then they went on eating their cereal, talking about weird human conventions, like shaking hands or milking cows. Mabel, of course, didn't miss a minute of this. She was pretty much fangirling the whole time, snapping photos, and holding back screams of happiness. Hey, you know it's happened to you. Don't judge.
"Bill, why? Just... why?" Dipper made a face.
"Even without magic, I'm still insane without sleep." Bill answered, smiling crazily. He was balancing his bowl, including leftover apple juice, on his head. He was pulling it off pretty well, except for that part where he spilled it. All over his long, glorious hair.
"Billlll..." the brunette groaned, loudly enough to wake everyone up. It didn't, luckily for both of them. "You have to take a shower now."
"Whats'a 'shower'?"
"Really? You never saw people taking a shower? I thought you were more of a perv," Dipper said, grinning stupidly.
"Just tell me," Bill mumbled, a faint blush appearing on his freckled cheeks.
"It's where you get in a bathtub, stand up, and wash yourself off with water and soap."
"Can you show me?"
"What!? Bill, it's usually something you do... by yourself, unless you're really intimate," Dipper said, his face showing a faint blush too.
"And we're not?" And suddenly, Bill's face was too close to his own, their noses touching at the tips. Bill's breath was his too and Bill's gleaming yellow eyes were staring too hard into Dipper's brown ones. He took in a breath and Bill seemed to take that as an invitation to climb on top of him and kiss him, deep and sweet.
"Bill!" Dipper frowned, but he was laughing. He kissed Bill back, his lips still curved upward and his eyes still slightly open. Suddenly, Bill pulled away, a somber look in his eyes. "What is it?" Dipper asked, a worried look appearing on his face that should not have been possible for such a young being.
"I didn't want to have to do this, Mason. But, you really leave me no choice... If you refuse to take a shower with me..." Bill sighed sadly, a tear rolling down his cheek. "I must make you!" He whisper-shouted, shaking out his hair onto Dipper. Apple juice rained down onto Dipper and the table and floor around them. "Ha!"
"Billlll... now I have to take a shower too."
"Which you will be taking with meeeeee, because I'm scared like a humannnnn of water." Bill gave Dipper serious puppy eyes.
"Fine. But just this once," Dipper relented, already regretting it. "You know I have no strength against you. Also, humans aren't normally afraid of water..."
"I know both those things very well." Bill answered, grinning mischievously.
Dipper walked out of the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist, steam trailing behind him. He took a deep breath of the fresh air, enjoying the cool, musty scent of the Mystery Shack. He stretched, smiling faintly.
"Hey, Dip-Dop!" Mabel screamed in his ear, making him jump. "Why were you in there for an hour and nine minutes?" She asked, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.
"Why were you timing me?" Dipper asked.
"Because, I'm a good sister. I also heard that someone else was in there with you..." She smiled impishly.
"Well, Mabel, that's a looong story... And not a very-" Bill's smooth voice was shut off by Dipper, who managed to aim behind himself well enough to shove a hand over Bill's mouth.
"Bill did some stuff and didn't know how to take simple shower, so he made me... get in with him. It's not as bad as it sounds. I just had to wash his hair, so we had towels on and it's the only time I'm ever going to do it I swear!" Dipper cried, afraid of what his sister would do to him or Bill.
"Awwww. And here I was under the impression my 14 year-old bro-bro got some fun..." Mabel sounded genuinely disappointed.
"See, Mason. I told you towels weren't necessary! Now we've gone and disheartened your sis!" Bill managed to say, Dipper's hand having fallen off of his mouth in shock.
"What's goin' on here and why are ya leavein' the door open?" A gruff voice asked from behind Mabel.
"Bill and Dipper took a shower together, but don't worry, they wore towels!" Mabel cheerfully explained, giggling.
"It's not what you think, Stan, I swear! I was just hel-" Dipper tried to explain, but his Grunkle cut him off.
"What! I'm worried!" Grunkle Stan exclaimed, enunciating unusually well. "Kid, when you've got a chance to see your girlfriend, or in this case boyfriend, naked, you take it. I want you to remember that! Next time you take a shower with Bill, you can't wear towels! That's insane!"
"See, Mason. I told you -again- towels aren't necessary, and we are doing this again!" Bill chimed in, grinning.
"Do I live in a house of insanity?" Dipper asked, throwing his hands up and storming off to his room.
Dipper sat on his bed, glaring at the floor and wishing it had answers. It didn't, but it had plenty of splinters for him. He heard heavy footsteps up the stairs, then a knock on the door.
"I'm busy!" Dipper called, hoping the person would head his words. They didn't.
"It's me, Grunkle Ford!" Said Grunkle yelled.
"I've freed up the afternoon, you can come in!" Dipper yelled back, finally smiling.
Grunkle Ford walked in, grinning. He came over to Dipper and sat down on his bed next to him, nearly knocking Dipper over.
"So, Dipper. Are you having problems with other people in this house, namely everyone? You sounded pretty grumpy," Dipper could almost hear Grunkle Ford's frown.
"Yeah..." Dipper mumbled.
"What happened?"
"They... they made fun of me because I had to take a shower with Bill, but Mabel and Stan just chided me for not wanting to see Bill completely naked. I don't even know why it's bothering me so much... I don't usually let little things like this get under my skin," Dipper explained, glaring at the floor again.
"I'm not very good at this..." Ford mumbled, looking sorry.
"That's fine... I'm not a very good boyfriend, am I?" Dipper asked, wishing he was a little less uptight.
"I'm sure Mabel would be glad to help," Ford suggested, patting his shoulder in an attempt to calm his grand-nephew.
"Okay, thanks, Grunkle Ford!" Dipper exclaimed, cheering up instantly at the thought of making it up to his beloved. Dipper ran off, presumably to go talk with Mabel. Grunkle Ford just sighed, wishing that his life was filled with such folly and unthinking joy, attainable by such small measures.
Dipper walked down the stairs, nearly floating, when he bumped into Bill, sending then both tumbling down the stairs. Dipper landed on top of him, face pressed against the other boy's throat. Slowly, it turned into a kiss on Bill's neck. Bill gave a little squeal, then hugged Dipper tight. Dipper wrapped his arms around Bill's back.
"Dip, have you finally come around to being a little more affectionate?" Bill asked, his voice light and happy. He already knew the answer.
"Yeah. I mean, I think. Wait... let's just see where this goes, okay?" Dipper answer, his voice basically glowing.
"O-kay," Bill sang, stuffing his face into the brunette's fluffy mane.
A/N (#2!): O - kay, guys. This is the last real chapter that takes place in a structured timeline. After all this I'll be updating on a even more irregular schedule. It will be a lot of one-shot-ish things and updating old chapters with better grammar and spelling. But I want to say, thank you all for sticking with me, in my good writing and bad. This has been more fun than I ever imagined, and I'm sorry. But I refuse to completely give up, and so I'm doing this. I'm also going to start a new, regularly updated story, and will do better about actually making time to write it. The story will continue (sort of) and I love all of you! Never stop being you!