Hello everyone! Long time no read D: Sorry! But here it is, the next chapter! I hope you all still remember whats happening...opps! Anyways, I apologize if the editing isn't great :l I wanted to get it out there finally!

However never fear, I've also taken a awhile to finish this because I have been editing some previous chapters too. I will eventually reedit this one again once I get around to it.

Enjoy!

Three months since freed from Captivity

I spit out blood. So much blood. Tight chains wrap around my ankles and cuffs around my wrists keep me from lashing out at the man. He stands in front of me with a blue mask wrapped around his eyes. He stands tall and is very arrogant and full of himself. He never lowers his head to look at me but instead glares down his pointed nose. He's so much colder than the other two. The other men seem to get a twisted sense of pleasure from torturing me, but not this man. He is strictly business.

"All of this can stop if you just do what I ask."he says it like he's bored, like I am nothing but an inconvenience.

I don't say anything, I am too tired. How long have I been here? How long have I been without sleep? How long have they been beating me? My entire body feels bruised and bloody. I refuse to succumb to him. Stay stubborn, I keep telling myself. I'm good at stubborn.

I try not to look at the mask. Every time I do I get a weird sensation, like an itch. I find myself wanting to scratch it.

What is the point of any of this?

I take a couple of deep breaths, trying to find a controlled rhythm.

"You...you won't win." I manage.

"Do not speak." He commands so calmly it's chilling. "You have no right to speak to me." He glances at The Guard, who is also showing obvious signs of fatigue. He lunges out at me and wraps an arm around my throat and squeezes hard. The fear of not breathing alerts my brain into panic. Not again. With one fluid movement he lets go of my neck and slams my head into the ground.

Oh god. I stay down for a while. My eyes darken around the corners but I remain conscious.

"You are so weak, so pathetic. They thought that too didn't they? Your brothers?"

Brothers? Right. I have brothers. What are their names again?

"They thought you worthless."

Did they? I can't remember. I am losing my mind.

"What other reason have they not come for you? Because they don't care."

He..he must be wrong. But...maybe he has a point. Are they even looking? I've been in here for so long.

"They don't love you. They never have."

No, stop saying that. I won't believe it. I can't. I don't want to.

"For who could love something as worthless as you."

No. No. No.

"You are now alone in the world. Do you understand."

I try to lift my head up but I feel woozy and dizzy. This isn't true. This can't be true.

"You are nothing. To them, you are nothing."

(Leo)

A month ago, we did it. We shattered the conditioned state Mikey was stuck in. Well sort of. Purple has been broken and he now realizes that it's Donnie. Don is thrilled and very happy to finally wear his mask around again. The nex on the list is blue. We figured that we would have to break them in the order that they conditioned him, from what Donnie could gather, the order is Purple, Blue and then Red. One down, two to go. Without the assurance that all three colors are not his demons, he will still be conditioned to the other two colors until it is broken. Except breaking his misconceptions about me has been easier. It's faster. He claims that he still feels the sensations and hears the whispers but he knows it's not really them. It's me.

I haven't felt this happy in long time.

In fact, it's been quite cheery around the Lair. April and Casey often stop by with dinner since none of us really have time to cook. I've been meaning to thank them for everything they've done for us these past months. They have helped in every way they could and we all are forever grateful for them.

"Oh!" I duck the last second as Raph's leg flies over my head.

"Come on Leo, you're sloppy today!"

"Not necessarily, just not paying much attention to you." I hide my grin. "Why would I need to?"

"My my, someone is full of themselves." He growls and catches my Katana swing with his Sai. He's right though, I am being sloppy. It's unlike me. I guess I have other things on my mind. Distractions are dangerous.

"Yame!" Splinter barks as he wanders in the room with Mikey on his heel. We stop. "Take a break my sons."

What? We just started. I take a single step towards him.

"Master Splinter I had a lot more training in mind today. I would like to get done as early as possible." I explain. We were only warming up. I had planned to do some conditioning and reflex training today. It's always important to keep skills sharp.

"Leonardo, take a break. Or perhaps take your training elsewhere." He suggests. Elsewhere? I glance between Mikey and Splinter. Mikey is looking down at the ground and his arms are crossed tightly. They want to be alone.

"Take the break." Raph whispers and I glare at him.

"To the sewers." I command. Raph sighs but doesn't argue. I don't like training in the sewers etiher but it's freezing outside and at least it will keep the wind off of us. I don't think either Donnie or Raph would be thrilled if I made them train in the snow. They follow me out of the Lair and it's immediately cold. Don has the Lair rigged to stay warm but the rest of the sewers remain bitterly cold during the winter.

Donnie is suspicious and keeps looking back at the Lair.

"What do you think they're doing?" He asks.

I too wonder why Splinter needed to kick us out. I'm sure I can pry information later.

"Training first, questions later." I order.

(Mikey)

"Are you sure you are ready my son?"

"Yes Sensai."

"Remember to take it slow, do not over work yourself."

I take a deep breath and begin the movement Splinter taught me, a series of training exercises called a Kata. Splinter has taught me much about Ninjitsu and it's teachings within the past few months. I've had a lot of time with Splinter since my brothers have been getting back to their own training and nightly patrols. Finally, today I will be able to put these teachings into actions. I am ready to be a ninja again. He had me start with this Kata specifically because it's supposed to be simple and shouldn't overexert my leg. Both Splinter and Donnie stress that I have to careful the more I use it. I don't care about the pain, I've endured worse. However I'm afraid Donnie will just end up ripping my leg off, then I'd be forced to sit still. Not to mention the tangents, he has lectured me so many times.

Yes, I do know that if I don't rest it, it's never going to heal.

Alright, focus. I have to make this Kata perfect. I want to advance and fast. I may retain some of my physical training, but I am extremely rusty.

As I move, it flows easily and I am confident of what I am doing. After I finish the Kata I look at Splinter expectantly. His gaze is stone, he is assessing me. Then a flicker of pride lights his eyes. I lift my head up higher, a little proud myself.

"Very good my son." He hesitates, "I do not want to push your injury but If I may, I would like to teach you another Kata."

I nod my head and my heart leaps from joy. Splinter runs me through the movements and I instantly notice that this one vastly more difficult. I copy him slowly like learning a dance, waiting to put it all together. This one is much harder.

"Do you think you can do it?" Splinter stops and stands straight again.

"Of course Sensai."

I take a deep breath and think about every little movement. I run them through my mind so I don't forget anything. Focus. I begin. Precision is key in Kata's. I am concentrating on my body entirely. Then, something strange happens. I stop thinking, I don't have to. I just, move. I start to pick up speed, everything is moving on it's own. It feels like I've been doing this for years. I realize, I probably have. I take a large lunging step but it lands funny and a pain flares up my leg. It lets out from underneath me and I fall. I groan from surprise rather then the pain.

Damnit. This stupid leg!

"Are you alright?" Splinter kneels in front of me. Sitting up, I nod my head angrily and stare at the floor.

"It is as I thought." He mutters.

"What is?" I ask and meet his eyes.

"Your brother told me a few months ago that you fought against the Foot Ninja."

"Not well." I mumble a little embarrassed.

"It appears that some of your ninja training has not been lost." He states and rubs his chin in thought. I nod my head in agreement.

"I figured as much. It's strange though, I can't remember anything about Ninjitsu past the months I have been home. It's like my body just knows what to do, I don't feel in control of myself." I rub my leg and flinch a little.

"I'ts muscle memory Michelangelo." He lays his hands on his legs. "I have trained you and your brothers since you were young-lings. Like with many athletics, fighting is not something you can unlearn. The kata you preformed is an advanced teaching. When I first showed it to you and your brothers three years ago you had mastered it at a remarkable speed. "

"Really?"

"I believe that it is possible that you remember everything, more than just your training, but your own mind is stopping you."

I can't help the giddiness overcoming my heart. Is it possible that somewhere the old Mikey still exists? I might still have all the memories I thought were gone. The person I was could still be alive.

I clear my throat and shrug.

"Well, I've been watching my brothers for a few months."

Splinter smiles.

"I do not think that had any effect on your ability. While many techniques are the same, fighting styles are like a finger print. They are unique. You have your own style and... flair of fighting."

I nod my head.

"So if I remember Sensai, how do I...well...remember better?" I ask rather poorly. I'm not sure if that actually makes sense.

"We can try to access your memories through meditation. Except once in a meditated state, focus on your memories. Let us start with that."

I groan. Not meditation again...

(Donnie)

Hmm Hot chocolate! The perfect cure from practicing in frigid air.

"So Splinter just kicked you out?" April asks while leaning against the table. Her red hair is locked into a tight braid and fighting to be released from the hair-tie. That's one thing that we turtles lucked out on, no hair. It seems so difficult to manage. Raph enjoys teasing Casey about him going bald. Which is highly unlikely with his full head of hair. Actually Casey has been trying to grow a goatee. So far, it's barely come in and looks rather...well not great.

"Yeah, we seen to be unwanted around the Lair these days."Raph sighs. He crosses one leg over the other and leans back in his chair.

"This has happened more than once?" Casey asks, sitting across from myself.

"Unfortunately. Splinter has basically banished us to planet Hoth." Raph mutters into his hot chocolate.

"Would you like us to find you a TaunTaun?" I tease. Raph glares at me over the rim of his mug.

"I do wonder what they do that forces us out of the Lair." Leo ponders, he stands in front of the table and his arms cross lackadaisically.

"You?" I ask appalled. I'm in a teasing mood today, especially towards Leo. I blame it on the intense workout he made us do.

"Questioning an order from the Great All Powerful Splinter?" Raph mocks.

"Curiosity isn't wrong." He glares at us, knowing we are just being facetious. "But I'd be careful mocking me, Splinter has me in charge of the new exercise regiment." Leo smirks.

"New exercise regiment?" Raph raises a brow.

"Oh yes. Thought one of us in particular," He glances at Raph, " Is getting little chubby from the lack of training. It's my job to get you back into shape."

Casey, who was mid drink poor guy, spits out his hot chocolate in laughter. He tries to hold in his big chuckles but can't help it. I grin and April turns her head and does her best not to smile.

"What are you laughing at peach fuzz." Raph growls and slouches in his chair.

"Peach fuzz!?" Casey sits up straight, he rubs his fingers under his nose. So far, the goatee really doesn't look great.

"Do you think he's training?" April ignores the babbling buffoons and focuses on Leo.

"They must be, I just don't understand why we can't be there." Leo shrugs.

"You kinda look like a creep." Raph chuckles at Casey and crosses his arms. He's happy to retaliate on someone for Leo's remark. It's not true, Raph is still in physical shape. He has always been a bit beefier anyways.

"Hey! It's still coming in, just you wait." Casey points at him.

"Maybe Splinter doesn't want Mikey to have any distractions." I offer and turn towards their conversation. April shakes her head in agreement.

"Or perhaps doesn't want to embarrass him." April suggests.

"Those are both possible. I'll see if I can get anything out of Splinter tonight." Leo says.

Mikey has been rather prideful of late. In my hypothesis, it comes from his uncertainty of everything. I see his shame whenever it's obvious he doesn't remember. Learning to train again, all the way from the beginning, I can't imagine how awful that must be. It's so daunting having to start all over again.

A natural silence fills the room and Leo fidgets out of the corner of my eyes. Time to go.

"Speaking of Splinter, we better get going." Leo says after glancing at the clock.

"Oh you sure? I still have some hot chocolate left." April asks. She has this new thing where she gets extremely anxious when we life. Probably afriad that she will never see us again if we leave. It's our fault. We didn't see them for months after Mikey was taken, they didn't just feel the loss of Mikey but the loss of all of us. It was hard on both of them. It was unfair of us.

"Sorry April but we probably should have been back an hour ago." Leo smiles apologetically.

Raph and I both stand up. Raph downs the rest of his drink.

"Thanks for the hot chocolate April, it really hit the spot." I say and Raph mutters a thanks as well.

"Hey, be safe going home guys, the roofs have gotten pretty icy." Casey reminds us. He's been out on the streets and rooftops a lot. Even when we were out of commission for a while, he continued to do his own vigilante work on the side despite April's pestering.

Leo opens the window and climbs out. He quickly moves up the fire escape to the rooftop. I throw my leg over the window sill to follow him and Raph grabs my arm.

"Donnie, have I really gotten chubby?" Raph whispers.

I should tell him we were just teasing him. But I am physically incapable of stopping myself. So I grin, "I'm sure it's just water weight."

(Mikey)

Blackness, fuzziness, absolutely nothing. Still nothing. It's not working. I don't remember anything. I can see my brothers, their faces are clear but I have no memories of them. We've been trying for thirty minutes and I am still just a blank slate. I've never been more frustrated. I can finally, focusing hard, get myself into a meditative trance. Yet when I try to walk through my memories it's just darkness.

I'm exhausted mentally.

I open my eyes and Splinter is still kneeling in front of me. I look around the room, it's strangely quiet. I wonder if my brothers are back yet.

"I don't think it's going to work." I sigh. Splinter opens his eyes slowly.

"I never said this would be easy."

"I know but...I don't know. Maybe I'm not doing this right."

"Hm." Splinter rubs his furry chin. "I wonder.."

"Wonder what?"

He stands up and walks away.

"Master Splinter? Wonder what!?" I ask again feeling impatient.

He stands in front of the weapon stand. Some hang on the wall above it. A short sword lays across the top. I see a flash of blood on the blade and it makes me cringe. Always so much blood...I shake my head. I don't want to think about that right now. When I look again the blade is clean.

Splinter reaches for a weapon but I can't see what he took. I hear a slight rustle of a chain.

He turns and has four stout, orange cylinders in his hand. He stands a couple feet in front of me and closes his eyes. He holds one in each hand and then lets two cylinders drop. Their fall is stopped by a chain connecting the cylinders. They come together in pairs. He puts one set on the ground.

He slides one foot shoulder length apart and starts swinging. He then steps forwards with one foot and grabs the swinging cylinder. It stops abruptly and he holds the two in triangle. He then lets one drop down but snaps his wrist to make flick in the air. It fires across his body, his waist, and his shoulders. Every so often he freezes with them tucked under his arm or in that triangle formation. He slashes out with them quickly and I can barely see his wrists flick. He switches between his hands. The weapons are like vipers in speed.

I realize halfway through that he is doing a Kata. His movements are fluid and stern. The way the chain wraps around his body looks like it would hurt but he dodges slightly so he doesn't hit himself. He then pauses with the pair thrusted out in front of him. He grabs the end of one and touches it to the end of the other in a similar triangle form. He then shuts them together with one hand with and tucks it back to his side as his foot slides into a standing position.

He then leans down and grabs the second one. He starts spinning them. They spin so fast they become blurs of orange and silver. Splinter then stops them by holding all four cylinders in both hands. He then begins another series of movements. At first, he only moves one at a time with the other clutched in his fingers. But then they swing with parallel movement across his shoulders. He flips in an angle with his feet kicking out. They weapons slash across him as he lands.

He's amazing! No wonder he's a Master of Ninjitsu.

He holds them closed again and crosses his arms in a x. Then he stands up straight again and lowers them back to his side.

"Master Splinter, that was incredible!"

He isn't even out of breath. He just smirks and holds them out again.

"Do you know what these are?"

"Weapons."

"Correct. These are yours."

My words get caught in my throat.

"M-Mine?"

All my brothers showed me their weapons and I remember Raph telling me about these. Yet I wasn't completely sure what they were or what they did. I don't know why, but I have a demanding need to take them back.

He kneels down in front of me.

"These are called Nunchaku."

I reach a hand out to take them but he pulls back for a second. I glance up at him in confusion.

"I will give them back to you. I believe it is time you were reunited with your weapons. However I do not want you to use them for training."

"I don't understand. What else would I use them for?"

"Michealanglo, I have taught you how to use many weapons but these are special to you. There is a bond here. You love them because they fit with you, your personality. The weapon of choice often shows the wielder's character."

"Then what do you want me to do with them?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"I hope that the Nunchaku will help remind you of who you are."

I reach out again and he lets me take them. My fingers dangle above them for a second and I find myself extremely nervous. When I pick them up I am surprised. I expected to be uncomfortable, I expected myself to feel uncertain about holding them. But in fact, they feel so right. I think Splinter might be on to something here.

"Do you really think they will help me?" I ask.

"I do not know." He admits. I glance up at him and smile warmly.

"And I thought you all wise." I jest quietly. His smirk widens.

"Only a fool thinks himself wise."

We both hear voices approaching from the entrance.

"Your brothers are home from training. We shall end ours as well."

"Hai Sensai."

(Leo)

I tie my mask around my head. It's been months since I've worn it. It feels foreign to have it around my eyes.

I knock on the door.

"Hey Mikey may I enter?"

"Yes."

I slowly push open the door and I am in complete and utter shock. I can't believe my eyes! What is going on? I didn't think I'd ever see this again.

The floor of Mikeys room. It's clean! Trash picked up and thrown away, stuff organized and push out of the way. I can actually walk without watching out for tiny objects to stab my feet.

He's kneeling in the corner of the room and stares up at me as I gawk. His eyes are glued to me and I am aware of his hesitance and confusion. He knows it's me, we've made great improvement with this mask. Except I still have to be careful with my actions and words when I wear the blue headband. The spell has not been completely broken.

Donnie said it can be hard to change behavior and it could take a while. I am just happy he's gotten this far.

"Do you know who I am?"

"I-I think so."

"Are you okay? May I approach you?" I ask. His mouth thins into a frown and hesitantly nods his head. His muscles are tense and it's taking everything in him to ignore the whispers in his mind. I approach him slowly and I kneel down to his level. From what we know, Blue held himself above Mikey. Being eye level will show respect and comfort. I've been told this works with children as well.

"You cleaned your room." I state.

"It was too clustered." He claims bashfully.

"That never used to bother you before." I smile. He doesn't smile back and looks away from me.

"I'm not the same person I was before." He mutters sadly. I cringe a little. I didn't mean anything by that comment. I shouldn't have said it nonetheless, I should have known better.

I reach my hand out hesitantly, I wait for conformation for me to touch him. He nods his head slowly and only once. I rest it on his shoulder. He tenses and refuses to meet my eyes.

"Please look at me." I say. He doesn't. So I repeat myself and I can see him fighting his demons. He tears his eyes up from the floor slowly, I can physically see his internal battle. Come on Mikey, you can do this.

"I know that you aren't the same person but it's not a bad thing. It's just different than what I am used to." I explain.

I take my hand back quickly.

"How are you doing?" I ask and point to the mask. He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes.

"It's hard. It's like my brain is telling me two things and I believe them both. It's a strange feeling. But I know this will help."

"Good. If you need to me to take it off, just let me know. Sound good?"

"Sounds good."

I then notice something in his hands and I glance down. Before I came in here, I talked to Splinter about what he and Mikey were doing. Sensai told me that he figured it would be easier for Mikey to train alone for now. For both his pride and for his development. He also mentioned he gave Mikey his Nunchaku. It's an interesting move.

I point down at his hands.

"Your Nunchaku?"

"Yeah." He opens his hands to show me and the rustle a bit from the movement

"Splinter told me that he thinks it could help you." I exclaim.

"I don't really understand how."

"Well, there can be a connection between you and your weapon." I explain. He glances up at me quickly but then looks back down at the ground.

"What is the connection with your Katanas?" He asks. I take a second to think about it. Why have I bonded so strongly with them? Once Splinter gave them to me, I never really thought about using anything else unless I had to. I reach up and pull my Katana out. This is a lot of trust I am giving Mikey. Blue and sharp weapons never seem to be a good idea. I need to trust him, I need to do this for his mental health. I stare at them and so does Mikey. I can feel the cool vibrations under the blade, an aura almost that matches mine.

"Well for one, Splinter gave them to me when I was ready to specify in a weapon. These are special Katanas, ones he wanted me to have from the moment he took me on as his student. He felt that they would fit me and he was right. I'm not really sure how to describe it but they make me feel confident, stronger almost. They are a tool for me to attack and protect. They remind me of my responsibility."

"Responsibility?"

"Yes, to the team, to my training, to my brothers and to myself."

He reaches out and lays on a hand on the hilt. My stomach clenches and I tighten my grip around the weapons. I am ready to pry the Katanas out of his hands if things go wrong. Am I triggering him? Do I need to stop? Should I put them away now?

"You are right, these are different."

"What do you mean?"

"I did terrible things-"

"It wasn't your fault." I interrupt but he ignores me.

"And I held many swords like this. All of them felt so wrong in my hands, I could feel the evil and pain they caused to so many lives. I hated them with a passion. These weapons are different. Only a noble swordsmen would have such honorable weapons. Does that make sense?"

My heart smiles from the compliment. He is becoming more comfortable around me too.

"Mikey, that was a very sweet thing you said to me." I say and I sheath my Katana. He looks bashful plays with the wrappings around his forearms. He then shifts slightly and looks at me cautiously.

"Do you think my Nanchaku will help me meditate?" He asks and holds them up to me again.

"It's possible." I shrug. Who knows what will help him.

"Leo"

"Yes?"

"Can you help me meditate?"

I smile and nod my head. I give him some pointers on how to fall into a meditative trance and I close my eyes to do the same. In a couple of minutes I find myself deep in meditation. I reach out to feel his aura, hoping that he too has been successful. I wait patiently, encouraging him through this mental connection. I can feel him faintly after a long while and my heart leaps. He's doing it. Hopefully he can access some of his memories too. I try to speak to him but he doesn't respond to me. Then, all of a sudden, his aura goes dark. It's still present but vastly different. What is that?

"Mikey?" I hear myself ask out loud.

Heavy breathing follows and I force myself out of my trance. He's hyperventilating. Oh no. He's remembering all right, but none of it is good.

"Mikey? Mikey come on." I shake him. He isn't screaming or going crazy like he used to before. He's just breathing heavy and tears stain down his cheeks. He's stuck in a memory and I just have to wait until it passes. Despite his improvements, sometimes I forget how heartbreaking this can be, for all of us.

I move to sit directly next to him, I lean against the wall and grab his hand. It's the best I can do. I could try to get him out of it, but Splinter suggests to let him remember. It's like a cold, you have to get the bad stuff out first before you get better.

These memories have no recollection of time. Sometimes they last a while, other times they only last a few minutes. I'll be here for him when he comes to. He won't be alone.

So I sit in helpless agony, holding his hand, waiting for him to awaken from his nightmare.

(Mikey)

I hold my Nunchaku firmly in my hands. Splinter told me they could help me remember. I don't see how these would make any different. Leo obviously has a strong bond with his weapon, but what do my Nunchaku do for me? Why do I feel connected to them? Weapons, it's so strange that I used to use these on a daily basis. It's even stranger that a few months ago, I never wanted to touch a weapon again.

These aren't like anything I used while in captivity. They are very different. I don't know how they could even be used as a weapon. It's not sharp or pointed. It's rubbery and stout. The chain is short but end to end it's fairly long.

Yet they are comfortable in my hands. They are meant for me, they are mine.

I guess, as of now at least, they make me feel safe. I don't want to let them go. Ever.

I don't know if they will help. But I hope they do.

I really hope they do.

I close my eyes again after another failure of memory searching. I have been trying for what feels like hours and haven't gotten anything more than a blip. It's awful. I just want to remember.

Leo was kind enough to give me some pointers. Splinter has told me many times before he is a skilled ninja and I've seen it for myself. I have to keep reminding myself this is Leo. This isn't Blue. I keep saying it over and over again in my head. Logically I believe it but my instincts have been trained to be paranoid.

Just ignore it. I need to clear my mind.

I take a deep breath and relax my body as best I can.

Right when I think it's hopeless, I open my eyes and find myself stuck in a small, dark room.

My eyes are puffy from getting my face kicked in. Everything is throbbing. I've tried so hard for so long to stay sane. To stay strong. But everybody has a breaking point.

And this is mine.

No one is coming for me. This is how I live now, struggling to stay afloat. It would be easier to give in, it would be better. I fought for my own pride, I fought for my family. But I don't think they are coming. I think this is it. I am stuck here, maybe I'll die here. At the moment, I don't really care if I do.

I feel broken. They got what they wanted, they have ripped me apart and here's what they can show for it. I want to be done. I want this to be over. I only have so much strength, so much fight in me.

I slowly get to my knees, my body grumbles from the movement. I can barely see my eyes are so swollen. I slowly raise my shackled hands. My palm faces upwards and I wait. I refuse to look at him, the tiniest bit of pride I have left won't allow it.

God, I am worthless.

"Are you ready to submit?" The man asks. I just hold my hand up higher. The Guard steps forwards and takes the shackles off my wrists. The relief on my skin was incredible. Red marks have dug a ring around them. A small, sharp knife is placed in one of my hands.

I touch the tip of the knife on my finger, feeling the point. They're not going to come for me. I need to accept this. It'll be better if I don't give myself false hope. It hurts too much to be disappointed every second of every day. It hurts more than anything the colors do to me.

I am alone now.

I turn my other hand to face the palm towards me. My fingers slowly close into a fist. I hesitantly hover the knife over my wrists. Part of me can't believe what I'm about to do, but most of me doesn't care anymore.

"Cut."

I am nothing anyways. Why should I care? I slash.

No! I don't want that anymore. I will not cut myself again. I refuse. All of what that man said is a lie! Every moment I have been home my brothers have shown nothing but love and comfort. It was all a lie that they told me, a lie I told myself. My chest is heaving and my head hurts. I run my thumb against my cheeks and wipe the tears. My face feels dry like I've been crying for a while. I try to slow my breathing and inhale deeply. As I exhale I feel something hit my shoulder. I jump, not aware I wasn't alone.

I look at the blue mask tails draping down my arm and my first reaction is to back away from him. Blue would be mad if I touched him. Then I look at his face, and he seems so peaceful. He's asleep. I look down and his hand is gripping my fingers tightly.

He stayed with me. He tried to comfort me. This isn't Blue.

I am not alone. My brothers love me more than I could ever imagine. I wish I would have remembered that then, I wish I wouldn't have lost my faith in them. I am ashamed I ever thought such horrible things.

His head rolls off my shoulder and as soon as it hangs in the air he spine snaps straight. He jumps from the sudden transition of being awake. He immediately looks at me.

I look at the blue mask around his eyes but I don't feel uncomfortable anymore. I look at it and I don't feel anything.

"Mikey." He says. He seems worried. "Are you okay?"

"Tell me Leo, do I make a good pillow?"

Well!? Sorry again for taking forever to update but please, tell me what you all think!

Reviews are always appreciated and helpful!