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Chapter 21
Gen sat on the floor in front of the television in Alyssa's apartment and worked to keep her mind focused on her yoga moves. Despite having Alyssa's approval and understanding she still felt bad for intruding. "I'm not watching that," Alyssa said from where she cut vegetables on the kitchen counter. "So if you want to change the channel, be my guest."
Having her concentration broken yet again, Gen signed and leaned back on her hands as she stared up at the screen. She certainly wouldn't complain about living arrangements, but she did wish the guest room was just a little bigger, so she could perform her yoga in quiet solitude.
She reached up and turned the dial, changing the station to a daytime soap opera. Wasn't that the one Johnny liked to watch? Wrinkling her nose, she changed the channel again, this time to a pro tennis match. Nope! The third station had her pulling her hand back as if she'd been bitten. Two images hung on the screen behind the local talk show host as he spoke to someone she didn't recognize. It was the two images that had her reeling. One of her in her uniform next to one of Barlow taken in the same pose.
"This is a huge black eye for the LA County Fire Department," the host said. "What, if any, damage control can they manage?"
"Well," the stranger replied as he shifted in his seat. "They have to do their absolute best to distance the department from William Barlow. Which means not only does the department have to publicly condemn what Barlow has done, but they have to throw their support behind Ms. Conti."
The host held up his finger. "Speaking of Ms. Conti. How does this situation affect her when it comes to being able to do her job? Will she now and forever be forced to wonder if the people she's working with really do have her back? Can she effectively do her job or has this attack removed any chance of her continuing on with her job and paving the way for others?"
The stranger shook his head. "It's going to depend on the support system she has in place as to whether she'll be able to continue. Now you have to remember, nobody really knows her true intentions for joining the department in the first place. Depending on her reason and her amount of conviction I do believe she could continue to be a pioneer for women within the department."
The host rubbed his index finger across his chin. "And that is a good point you make, Jim. With the department placing a gag order on Conti, so she cannot talk to the press, we don't really know what here reasons were for joining the department or how she really feels about this situation. Are they worried about allowing her to talk for fear she'll reveal even more harassment and abuse?"
Gen jerked as if she'd been physically struck. How in the hell could these people sit there and say stuff like that. Yes, her life in the department hadn't been all roses and wine, but it hadn't been nearly as terrible as they were speculating. "Do you hear this crap?" she said over her shoulder, glancing back to see Alyssa standing the kitchen doorway watching. "Their speculation is only going to make the situation worse than is already is."
"Well," the man she knew was now named Jim began. "Barlow's arrest has put the department under a microscope and I'm sure the prosecution as already subpoenaed any records relating to Ms. Conti since she started. If the department has been hiding incidents of harassment and bullying against their only female fire fighter it will surface and the department will have a much larger problem than just one rogue, disgruntled fireman."
Gen turned the television off then twisted to look Alyssa. "Thanks to the media, this situation just keeps getting worse. If this keeps up I'm not going to have much choice but to leave."
"It's not there yet," Alyssa reminded. "So don't do anything you're going to regret."
Three days later Gen sat at the table in the day room after a particularly tough call. After repelling down the side of a cliff, she'd found only one of the two trapped hikers alive. They'd managed to rescue the hiker, but he'd been in such terrible shape he'd coded in the ambulance on the way to Rampart. She and Johnny hadn't been able to bring him back. Ultimately he'd died on the table in the ER.
She thought back to Alyssa's warning about not doing anything she'd regret as she toyed with her nearly cold cup of coffee. With the press not letting up, the new round of questioning from the prosecutors and now losing not one, but two men on a rescue she was seriously doubting her reasons for staying. "Gen, you have mail." Cap handed her several envelopes.
Confused, she took the mail and flipped through the three envelopes, scanning the return addresses. "I don't know any of these people."
"So?" Chet asked. "They're addressed to you, so open them."
Gen took the first envelope from a Mary Anthony and opened it.
Dear Ms. Conti,
You don't know me, but after seeing your story on the local news outlet I felt compelled to write you this letter. As a woman growing up in the fifties and early sixties, my career choices were limited. No woman would have dared to take on work in a male dominated field. Now it's the 70's and times are a changing. While there are many women out there who claim it's time for equality for woman in the workplace, even in this age of liberation most would never dare to take on such a tough field to prove their point.
While I can't claim to know your reasons for taking on such a huge endeavor I wanted you to know what an inspiration you are for other women. Your story has resonated with me and many others and our hearts go out to you as you struggle to find your place. Please don't let this situation with that evil man deter the path to your final goal. Stand up and be an example to others as to what can happen if you don't give up.
Good luck and best wishes.
Mary Anthony
Without a word, Gen handed the letter to Roy and opened the next.
Dear Ms. Conti,
As a young woman fresh out of high school, I've already felt the pressure of my family to forgo college and get married. My grandmother and mother enjoy reminding me of what they believe my role in life should be, which only includes being a wife and mother.
I've been wrestling with the desire not to disappoint my family and the desire to continue on to college and eventually become a doctor. I have nothing against marriage or motherhood, but I want more out of my life than changing diapers and keeping house. I want to help people and make a difference in this world. After seeing your story on the news, I now realize that I can find the courage to say no to conventional thought and follow my dreams. Thank you for being an example for women everywhere and please don't give up because of one angry bigot. You're an example for women everywhere and you have our support.
Betty Shipley
She handed the second letter to Roy as he passed the first one to John to read. Then she opened the third, which read much the same as the first two. "Great." She tossed the third letter onto the table. "Now I'm a freaking martyr for the women's lib movement."
"Gen," Johnny started, but she held up a hand, cutting him off. "Don't John. Just don't okay?" She turned to Captain Stanley. "I can keep doing this. It's just too hard."
He narrowed his gaze. "What are you saying Genevieve?"
"I'm saying that you need to call headquarters and tell them to lift the gag order so I can make a statement and set the record straight on all this hero worship and speculation that's taking place. If they won't, then you can tell them that I'm resigning."
"Now Gen you need to think about this," Cap warned.
"I have," she said as she pushed away from the table. "All I've done since I woke up in the hospital is think about this situation. I'm tired of thinking, I'm tired of worrying and tired of being strong just because the department wants me to." She shook her head. "I can't do it anymore and I won't. Excuse me," she rasped. "But I think I need some alone time right now."
Aching to gather her up and whisk her away from all this angst and pain, Johnny watched her disappear out the dayroom door and resisted the urge to follow her. If she said she needed some alone time he'd give her what she wanted, at list for a few minutes, then he'd give her what she needed.
He turned his attention to Captain Stanley. "Cap? What are you going to do?"
Cap shrugged. "What can I do, John? She's a grown woman and she's made up her mind. So I'm going to call headquarters and tell them what she said."
No way was he going to let her just walk away without a fight. John pushed away from the table. "Fine, you call them."
"Where are you going?" Roy asked.
"I'm going to try and keep her from making the biggest mistake of her life," Johnny replied as he headed for the dorm.
He found her exactly where he expected, curled up on her bunk, her head on her knees. "Sweetheart?"
She looked up and quickly wiped her eyes as she sniffled. "I said I wanted to be alone."
Ignoring her request, he took another step forward. "Yeah, well, sometimes we don't always get what we want." He grimaced at the bitterness in his tone and the way she flinched. He hadn't meant for it to sound the way it had. Now certainly wasn't the time to dredge up that argument again. He eased onto the bed next to her. "Sorry."
She eyed him. "About ignoring my wishes or your attitude?"
"The attitude," he replied then sat waiting for her to make the next move. When she didn't he sighed. "Nobody is expecting you to be strong all the time," he said. "You're the victim here and you've been through a lot of trauma. We all understand if you need to cry once in a while."
She snorted, then shifted so she sat next to him. "Right. It's totally appropriate for a fireman to cry like a little girl."
He shifted on his hip to look at her. "You cried in my arms the other day."
She tucked her head, her gaze falling toward her lap. "I was tired. It was a moment of weakness that shouldn't have happened."
"Why?" he asked and when she didn't move he curled a finger beneath her chin, forcing her to look at him. "Why shouldn't it have happened? Why is it not ok for you to show emotion?"
She sucked in a ragged breath. "Emotion equals weakness."
"Who says?"
"It's the attitude of the department, of society, of my…" she let her sentence trail off and tucked her head against his shoulder.
"Of your?" Johnny prodded.
Silence answered is question, then she finally spoke. "I was five when my parents died in that fire my dad…Tony, rescued me from." Her statement was soft and low and didn't answer his question, but knowing she needed to share, he remained silent.
"I spent the months that followed crying a lot. I didn't know a whole lot of English and I'd lost everything but Bosco and my blanket in that fire. I missed my parents, my stuff, my house." She shifted so she now leaned on him fully. "Dad…Tony, was so patient, letting me cry, telling me he understood and that eventually everything would be okay, but he always ended his statement with, it really doesn't do you any good to cry about it. After all, you can't change it, so crying doesn't accomplish anything but to make you feel sad and sick."
"That's kinda harsh," Johnny said as he slid an arm around her.
She shook her head. "Not really. I mean, he wasn't cruel about it or anything. He was simply stating his opinion. Anyway, eventually I did stopped crying, because he was right, it didn't do any good. I never really felt better and it didn't bring my birth parents back, so why bother?"
"Your dad said you were a sad child," Johnny said, feeling the need to say something. "Considering what happened to you, I can understand why."
"I suppose I was," she replied and he felt her relax against him. "When I was older, the kids in school began picking on me because I had an accent, didn't know the language really well and looked different. Dad's response was to put me in karate and teach me how to defend myself."
"That's how you became a black belt?" Johnny asked.
She nodded. "Whenever I'd come home crying because somebody had been mean to me, he'd tell me to stop crying and start defending myself. He'd tell me I needed to be strong and stand up for myself because it wouldn't have the same impact if somebody else did it for me."
"Again, a bit harsh for a young girl," Johnny said as he began thinking that her dad wasn't a great as he first thought. What kind of man toughens up his daughter?
"Maybe," she replied. "But the first time I got into a fight, I bloodied a bigger girl's nose and got suspended from school for three days. Dad was like a raging bull when he came to the school. He defended me to the principal and ended up getting the other girl suspended too because she'd been bullying me." She grinned a little as she closed her eyes. "He was so proud of me for defending myself. The pride in his eyes and warmth of his praise made me feel loved in a way I hadn't felt before. I knew in that moment I would do anything necessary to keep making him proud of me."
"Is that why you joined the fire department?"
She nodded. "He was so excited when I told him I was applying."
"So don't you think quitting now would disappoint him?" Johnny asked knowing the question was a low blow, but at the moment he was desperate.
She stiffened against him and he knew his question had been a direct blow. "I don't want to quit," she finally admitted. "But it's hurting him to see all the speculation and stories about me on television and in the paper. The press is camped outside his home, harassing him." She pushed away from Johnny and looked at him. "They're harassing you and the other guys and despite the police escort they're still getting in the way while we work." She shook her head. "This situation is just getting worse with each passing day and the only way to end it is to either talk or quit."
Feeling the sadness and pain radiating off her Johnny reached out, cupped her face. God, what he would have done to lean over and kiss those pouting lips. Instead, he'd do what was necessary to help her stay. After all, even if headquarters denied her request to talk what would they really do to her if they did? Terminating her employment would only throw fuel on the already raging fire and at this point any disciplinary action would end up being leaked to the press.
Knowing what they had to do he grinned. "So talk."