Family Affairs
51st State… Not!
Guys, this idea is so old, it's not even funny. Also, I'm actually motivated to write FA. I even have the next chapter written and the one after will be written soon! Someone, send me to Vincent Land more often!
Disclaimer: No new characters here, but, lot's of funny times ahead!
Characters: Prussia, Canada, Québec, Ontario, America
Lastly, some of you have mentioned that I seem to time skip a lot. Yes, I do. The only reason is the point of this story is to introduce the provinces and territories, make Gilbert interact with them and then that's it. Ahah, don't worry, everyone will come back at some point later on!
Interesting fact: Originally, the other provinces and territories were NOT supposed to be included in this. I know, whhhaaaaat?!
Family Affairs
51st State… Not!
Matthew was pacing his kitchen, waiting for his family to get ready. He told them to get ready hours ago and they were running late enough as it was. He had gotten up late, having slept in more than he cared to admit, since last night he had spent some nice quality time with Gilbert.
On top of that, Jean-Pierre drove over around four in the morning, pissed drunk and made quite the ruckus as he stumbled over to his bedroom. He was so drunk he didn't even notice he had walked in on his own father and Gilbert doing things that should have disgusted him, but instead, Jean wished them a good evening and went off to the other room where he passed out halfway towards the bed.
Therefore, even though Matthew set his alarm for eight, he shut it off and snuggled back into the warm blankets. When he reawakened, he had been looking forward to some quiet time, before getting himself a cup of coffee, but when he saw it was 12:30, he got up so quickly he accidentally pushed Gilbert off the bed. He ran downstairs, skipping two steps at a time and started getting their things ready.
He completely forgot they were supposed to visit Alfred for the weekend, since it was Alfred's thanksgiving.
"For the love of maple, Gilbert, just get that boy up! I don't care if you have to douse him!" Matthew called out after Gilbert told him Jean-Pierre re-fell asleep on the stairs.
"But it'll mess up your wood!"
"Gilbert, I don't give a shit about the wood. We were supposed to be gone already. VINCENT! Come on, move it, you showered last night, you don't need to take another one this morning!" Canada yelled out to his second born who was still getting ready in the basement.
"Just give me a second! I'm not going to Uncle Alfred's house in my underwear." Vincent yelled back. Matthew sighed and went to wait by the stairs. He got there just in time to see Québec nearly fall face first down the stairs and Prussia following close behind.
"Pass personne voudrait t'voir en bobette de toute manière."/ "'Cause no one would want to see you in underwear anyways." Jean-Pierre slurred with half a smirk. Vincent was about to retort with something, but Matthew beat him to it.
"Good heavens, t'aurais pas pu te laver?"/ "…you couldn't have washed yourself?"
"Or shave? Or put some deodorant? Or brush your teeth? Or change clothes? Or –"
"That's enough, Vincent."
"Vos yeules, ch'sens pas si pire qu'ça là…"/ "Shut up… I don't smell that bad…" The three other men were silent.
"I'm not sitting next to him in the car." Ontario said firmly.
"You don't have much of a choice. Where's your brother going to sit, on the roof of the car?"
"That wouldn't be a bad idea; at least we wouldn't have to smell him." Québec stuck his tongue out to Ontario and the younger man kicked him.
"Boys, boys! We're already late as it is, you two don't need to act as though you're six! Vous êtes les plus vieux en plus, ugh. Vincent, just open your window. Jean, tu te laveras chez ton oncle."/ "…You're the oldest too, ugh. … Jean, you'll wash at your uncle's." That took care of the argument for now and Gilbert only had to physically separate them once before they quit hitting each other.
The ride to Alfred's went as smoothly as it could have gone, considering the fact originally, neither Vincent nor Jean-Pierre were supposed to come along. However, the day before, Ontario dropped by and then Québec showed up in the morning. This could only lead to disaster.
Fortunately, Jean-Pierre fell asleep within the first ten minutes and that meant Canada didn't have to hear his second born complain as much. He felt sort of bad part of him wished his sons had left their passports at home, but when they got to the border, somehow, everyone had it.
The only saving grace to this never ending car ride was Alfred decided to celebrate thanksgiving at one of his more northern houses, because frankly, Matthew would have driven the car off a cliff if he had to drive all the way to Nevada like that one year.
By the time the car was finally parked, they were only three and a half hours late and Prussia thought it miraculous they hadn't gotten any speeding tickets. Québec finally started sobering up and Ontario temporarily left his brother alone. Now it was time for the real drama to commence.
Matthew rang the doorbell and fell back beside Gilbert. The four of them waited in silence for a moment, before America finally opened.
"Hel – Gilbert? What are you doing here? I didn't know you celebrated thanksgiving." Alfred told him with a puzzled expression on his face. There was a collective sigh from the group as Alfred once again failed to notice them.
"We came here together because you invited us, doofus." Prussia replied as he moved over to the side a little so more light shone on Canada.
"We? Us? You came here with friends?" Gilbert was about to yell out "YOUR BROTHER!", but just as he opened his mouth, it seemed Alfred finally noticed Matthew.
"Mattie! There you are! Right, right, I invited you to come over! Of course I didn't forget, I was just messing with your head. But, eum, why is Gilbert here?" Prussia hit his head on the nearby wall and Canada rolled his eyes.
"Because we're dating, remember? You seem to be good at forgetting that fact, Alfred."
"Riiiiiiiiiight. Just making sure… you know, in case you broke up or something." America dropped the subject after the look both men gave him.
"Well, I remember inviting you two, but it's nice you invited some of your friends, bro. I think I made too much food again. Some of my boys didn't show up… snow storm." Alfred hoped by having noticed the two other men, he would have returned in his brother's good graces, but apparently, that only upset Matthew even more.
"Alfreeeeeeeeeeeed….." It was kind of funny to see America recoil with fear.
"Y-yes Mattie?"
"These are my sons, Alfred. Your nephews. The ones you tried to steal away from me once upon a time." There was silence.
"Oh! Right! Victor and John-Peter, right?" Matthew was about to "correct" his brother, but this time, it was "Victor" and "John-Peter" who took charge.
"Câlisse, after h'all dis time end 'e still don't remember h'our name? I'm Jean-Pierre, you knows, the "Frenchie Wannabe?"" It clicked for America.
"Oh yeaaaaaaah! You have the car races!" Québec felt ashamed his uncle only remembered him for the Formula 1 races, but it was better than nothing, he supposed.
"Yes Uncle, and I'm Vincent, the "English Wannabe." Is it all coming back to you?" Alfred chuckled nervously.
"Of course, of course. C'mon, d'you really think I would forget my own family?"
"Yes." The four others replied much to Alfred's chagrin.
"Alright, alright, let's go inside."
Once they removed their winter coats and boots, Alfred led them to the dining room where they found a large and wide spread of food. If anything, they could at least give America the credit for having prepared a decent meal. Canada was glad his brother did not mention their tardiness and wasted no time to stuff his face after his brother said grace.
Since everyone was hungry and the food was quite delicious, the early part of the meal went without a hitch, however because things could never stay quiet for long, especially not when his family was involved, it didn't take much before the proverbial shit hit the fan.
"So, Gilbert, did you and my brother have fun last night?" Canada choked on his drink, while Prussia's cheeks coloured ever so slightly and both Ontario and Québec sniggered in their plates.
"That's none of your business, Alfred!" Matthew hissed out.
"Wasn't talking to you, bro, I was talking to Gilbert, your lover boy."
"Alfred, I swear, I will put that turkey up your ass if you don't shut up!"
"Aww, you're no fun, Mattie, I just want to make sure your sex life is good."
"Trust me, it's fine." Vincent murmured loud enough for the others to hear.
"Yeah, even d'ough I'm not dere h'all de time, when I go to stay dere, h'every night I 'ear dem from my room." There was silence.
"What?" Ontario rolled his eyes.
"He said "even though he's not there all the time, when he comes to stay, every night he hears them from his room.""
"Oh."
More silence.
"Oh – oh, ew, come on, kid, I don't need to know that much!" America said as he tried to shield his eyes from the visions of Canada and Prussia doing the nasties.
"Well, you brought it up." Gilbert told him.
"Still, fine, whatever, moving on." They returned eating in silence and even though it was getting kind of dull, Matthew knew it wasn't going to last very long.
"So, Matthew, about my –"
"No."
"But, you don't even –"
"No."
"Dude, you suck. I didn't even –"
"No."
"Awh, come on!"
"No!"
"Why the hell not?"
"I said no, Alfred! N-O, no!"
"But, but, it'd be so cool!"
"For you, maybe. The answer is still no."
"But what if it happens?"
"No."
"It almost did."
"Almost only counts in horse shoes and hand grenades."
"But, it could!"
"IT WON'T."
"…"
"But let's pretend that –"
"No."
"Just make believe –"
"Final answer; no."
"I –"
"No."
"…"
"…"
"Fine. Be that way." Canada nodded and took a sip from his drink.
"Eummm… for those of us who are completely lost, no what?" Prussia ventured to ask. His lover shot him a murderous glare and he honestly wished he hadn't asked.
"Mattie doesn't want to become my 51st state." Alfred said with a sad and dejected little pout.
"Hell no! That's fucking retarded!"
"See, even Gilbert agrees."
"Because he's your boy toy and he wants in on your pants."
"Can it, Alfred."
"Ew, why would Dad want to join you and make all of us suffer? Isn't it bad enough we're already so close?" Ontario asked, outraged this possibility even existed.
"Well, in 1995, when –"
"YOU!" Vincent cut his uncle off to glare at his older brother, who was still very much in a daze.
"Quoi moi?"/ "What me?"
"It's your fault!" Everyone seemed more or less perplexed.
"Comment, ma faute? Quéssé j'ai faite encore, là?"/ "What d'you mean, my fault? What did I do now?"
"You and your fucking referendum! That's why Uncle Alfred asked Dad to become the 51st state, right?"
"Je l'sais tu, moi?"/ "How would I know?"
"I wasn't talking to you!"
"… Tu m'regardes… c'est dur de penser qu'tu m'parles pas."/ "… You're looking at me… it's hard not to think you're talking to me."
"Shut up!"
"Vincent, please calm down." Matthew told him. Vincent snapped out of his craze and looked at his father.
"Explain, what is this all about?"
"Well, I was trying to, but you –" Again, Alfred got cut off.
"I didn't ask you, Uncle." Vincent told him coolly.
"Vincent, behave, or else I won't explain."
"Ouais, Vincent, ta yeule."/ "Yeah, Vincent, shut up." Jean-Pierre mocked him. Vincent kicked him under the table and was answered by another kick.
"Cut it out. NOW." The two younger men stopped and quieted down.
"Just a question, is anyone gonna tell me what this bullshit is about or not?" Prussia asked once everyone stopped bickering.
"Right, well, in 1995, when Jean decided he wanted to leave, again, there was talk amongst many people about what would become of the three provinces next to Québec, not counting Newfoundland, and what would become of me. One potential course of action was the three of them would become three new states. Not that they themselves wanted to.
Also related to that, there's this other movement that if a certain political course of action is taken, there would be a chance, or more like, there's a very small movement, that would push for Canada to become the 51st state, or as they like it call it, the Maple Leaf state.
Of course, even if Jean-Pierre does leave, and I'm not letting that happen, I will never join Alfred as a state, even if it won't go through his thick head. Already it took me long enough to become a real official country with no ties to Arthur, I'm not going to let all of that go."
"Like I said, his fault." Ontario said as he pointed to his older brother.
"But it would be so cool if you did become my fifty-first! Or if your kids joined. You could still see them whenever you would want."
"No! There's no way, Alfred, simply no way. We're brothers and that's as far as it goes. I'll have your back on most things, but I. Will. Not. Become. A. State. Are we clear on that?"
"… yes… we're clear…"
"Good. Now drop the subject or else I'm leaving." Alfred said nothing more to that and returned to his food.
"See Jean, see what misery you cause for Dad? If it wasn't for your stupid ideas, you wouldn't make Dad worry all the time."
"Ta yeule, han? Tu peux pas t'la fermer pour plus que cinq minutes?"/ "Shut up, eh? You can't shut it for more than five minutes?"
"Boys, cut it out."
"It would be stupid anyways. You wouldn't last."
"Ké, ça fait seize ans d'ça, arrête de vivre dans l'passé, c'est ma job ça."/ "Kay, it's been sixteen years since that, quit living in the past, it's my job."
"Oh, you're funny."
"Behave."
"Je sais, hillarant."/ "I know, hilarious."
"Okay, enough! Really! One more word out of you two and you're grounded."
"Really? Really, Dad, you're going to ground us?"
"Yes! I will. For real, even if you're both grown men, I don't care. When you stay with me, it's my rules. Are we clear on that?" There was no answer.
"I said, are we clear?" He added more emphasis on his words and it seemed to do the job.
"Oui…"/ "Yes…"
The rest of the evening went more or less well without any other big discussions. Eventually, Jean-Pierre went to crash on the couch and Vincent went to read. That left the three others to talk amongst themselves.
"Matt, is it me, or are your kids as messed up as usual?" America asked.
"You don't say?" Prussia added.
"Can it, Kraut."
"Big words, Burger Boy."
"Really guys, do I have to discipline everyone around here?!" Canada nearly shouted.
"Heh, you know you can discipline me any time, Birdie." Prussia smirked.
"Not now, Gilbert, honestly."
"Yeah, Gilbert, not now."
"Alfred, you're not helping, and for your information, my kids aren't as messed up as yours." Both Gilbert and Alfred quirked an eyebrow at that.
"Really? Really Matt? None of my kids tried to kill each other off."
"That was an accident! Vincent didn't know Jean was allergic to metal."
"Matt, he tried to shove a pipe down his throat and then pushed him down a tree afterwards."
"It was an accident!" Matthew defended, but Alfred didn't believe him.
"Of course, Matt."
"He was ten!"
"That's old enough in my books"
"Alfred, you're talking about the kid who used to randomly scream to make sure I was around or to see if people would notice him." There was silence.
"What?" Gilbert asked.
"Yeah, when Vincent was younger, he would sometimes let out a scream. I would freak out, thinking he got hurt or something and I would run to him. Then I would find him in his room, sitting on the floor, playing with his things. I would ask him if he was okay, or what happened, and he'd tell me he was fine and he wanted to see if I was still around. It scared me all the time." Gilbert looked at Alfred to see if it was true and the younger man nodded before making the crazy sign with his hand.
"Wow. No offence, but I'll side with your brother on this one; your kids are really messed up." Matthew glared at him.
"See Mattie, see? I'm not the only one who thinks they need help. They're mental." Alfred smiled triumphantly.
"You disappoint me, Gil, I'd expect this from my brother, but not from you. Oh well, no sex then." Alfred sniggered loudly.
"Awh, come on Birdie! I've said that about your kids a lot of times!" Gilbert whined.
"I know, but when you side with my brother, no, that doesn't cut it."
"Tough luck, bro." Alfred told Gilbert.
"You have no fucking idea how unawesome it is, sometimes." Prussia sighed as he put his head down on the table.
"Heard that."
"Fuck me."
"I'll leave that to my brother."
OWARI 21
TO BE CONTINUED
Anyone who gets the reference that is made to a video game here wins a lot of awesome points from P. and I.
Long chapter was long, but shit loads of fun to write and type! I hope you liked it as well!
I do accept anonymous reviews.
Started writing: May 18th 2011, 1:34am
Finished writing: May 19th 2011, 6:40pm
Started typing: June 8th 2011, 1:58pm
Finished typing: June 8th 2011, 10:37pm