Chapter Twenty-One

KAI

I rubbed my eyes vigorously at the glimmering computer screen. This… it was impossible. How could this-? I needed to talk to someone. Anyone. About this. I can't… I can't handle this all by myself, I need…

A name flashed in my head. Rachel.

What are you thinking, Kim Jongin, don't be stupid. Even if we hadn't broke up, this… I couldn't tell her about this. The thought of her finding out the truth, breaking into uncontrollable sobs, but still trying to stifle her sorrow… I couldn't let that happen.

Sehun. Yes, he is my best bud after all, even if we had fought just a few days ago…

I charged swiftly into his room and plopped myself on his bed, crossing my legs.

"Man, the privacy, hello!" Sehun growled and spun around in his chair.

"It's not like Cheklin's here, I don't think I have to care about your privacy." I smirked. Instantly, I regretted my words. Sehun had quarreled with Cheklin last night, I shouldn't have…

"What do you want." He glowered at me.

"I need to talk to you about something, Sehun, something that only you and me know about."

His eyes widened. "About Cheklin?"

I shook my head.

"Let's get to the living room then." He lifted himself from his chair and glided towards the couch. "Shoot."

I plopped myself onto the couch opposite him. I could feel the leather tearing under me. Sehun ah, it's time to change these couches, if you need, I can lend you the money, you don't have to keep the façade on as if you don't need Baekhyun and my help… Whatever. I should just cut to the chase.

"I was curious, to whom exactly forced Cheklin and I to get married…" I began.

"Isn't it your parents?"

"Yeah, but we're only getting married because my company's on the brink of bankruptcy, isn't it? So I wanted to find out who was forcing my company into this state, with the market and all…" I was surprised at the fact that those two words "my company" rolled off my tongue with ease.

"Continue then."

"And then I realized. Hun, it's Park Enterprises."

"Uh huh." He commented, clearly unimpressed, with distinct apathy crossing his face. But… He should understand…

"Hun, when were you so slow? The CEO of Park Enterprises? Hello? Ring a bell?" I raised an eyebrow.

Sehun raised his eyebrow too. He cocked his head to one side in thought before, "I'm not quite sure I follow you."

I rolled my eyes. "The CEO is Park Chanyeol." I spilled the beans.

Tada-tada! Oh Sehun! Understand now? Does the name ring a bell? The cat's out of the bag so don't tell me you don't understand.

"Ohhhh… Wait." He lifted a finger in my direction to halt me, even though I wasn't even going to say anything. "That's just crazy. It's his own sister!"

I averted my gaze and locked it on a speck of dust gliding on the ground. My mind drifted back to when I was at the tender age of nine. When I called my mother "Omma" out of pure choice and not cohesion. When my mother was an angel in my eyes and I used to bask in her praise whenever she complimented me.

That year, Abuji had been in the States for Christmas as he had emergencies to attend to, and that woman had brought me to the Park family's house for, presumably, a Christmas visit. She claimed she needed to talk to Jaehyuk Ajussi for awhile, and as I explored the Parks' Mansion, I descried a lonesome figure standing at the threshold of his bedroom. It had to be Chanyeol hyung, but where was his sister Chanyu? I liked Chanyu, she was really cute. They had been my playmates since I were young, until they had disappeared for three years. So at that moment, when I spotted Chanyeol, I rushed towards him to greet him, but he slammed the door in my face. Before the door shut, I thought I saw his eyes laden with depression. I was discombobulated; wondering the reason for his dejection, and was unhappy as a result. I bounded down the steps, wishing to find my mother. As I peeked through the small gap at the door, I realized with displeasure that they were quarrelling; as I listened, I held my hand to my mouth.

"Can you just stop this?" Jaehyuk Ajussi's voice boomed, sending chills down my spine. In my memory, Jaehyuk Ajussi was a very patient man; he never had a cause for irritation or wrath.

"Chanyeol is already in this state, what more do you want? Do you have to ruin me before you're satisfied?" Chanyeol? Hyung? What happened to him?

I heard my mother sigh. "Since things are already in this state, you should understand how I feel." She clasped his arm with her two perfectly manicured, jewel-encrusted fair hands. "As long as you're with me, nothing worse will happen."

My lips quivered. What? Why did Omma say that? Was she going to be with Jaehyuk Ajussi? Didn't she love Appa? In everyone's eyes, Appa and Omma were the perfect couple, plus me, we were one perfect family, the stage of envy. Unless… My heart thudded. This was all a mask?

"Michyeoseo?!" Jaehyuk Ajussi vociferated in anger. "I don't love you anymore. Ever since you used such unscrupulous means to drive Jihyun out of the house, I hated you."

"If it wasn't for you, if you hadn't complained to Abuji about Jihyun, forcing her to leave, why would she have left me? Why would she have died and left the kids? Why would Chanyu have died? Why would Chanyeol have to be sent to the mental hospital?"

Tears welled up in my eyes. Aniya… Jihyun Ajuma… Chanyu died? Chanyeol hyung… Mental hospital? Aniya… This… This cannot happen… Wae? Slowly, the black and white were mingling and I could only see this patch of grey forming before my eyes as my dearest mother's ugliness surfaced.

"That's not my fault!" I heard her scream. "You should've been mine, it was Kwon Jihyun who snatched you away! Because she's rich, she's the princess, everyone's on her side. What about me? I have nothing and no one!"

"She's despicable. You…" Shaking my head in disappointment, I saw my mother leaning towards Jaehyuk Ajussi, forcing him to meet her gaze. "You love… me, don't you? You said… You said your marriage was arranged by your parents, you had no feelings for her, isn't it? You claimed you wanted to be with the one you love!"

"You're the despicable one. You pretended to be a Cinderella, gaining pity from me and everyone else. You resorted to underhand means, because you wanted my assets."

"I have to admit it. At the start, I didn't love Jihyun. I hated this arranged marriage which held no feelings. But… slowly, I began to fall for her. Every single time you did something unforgivable, I saw the ugliness in you, and I was alerted to her simplicity, her innocence, her kindness. I… I decided that I was going to love her forever…"

"But then you came along. You… You destroyed my happiness, my love, my life."

"What about me? What about my happiness?"

"Didn't you marry to Kim Jongdae? You got what you wanted; the wealth and the prestige. Unless…" He snorted. "Unless it didn't satisfy you, and you've come for mine?"

"You are MINE! I'm just reclaiming what belongs to me, what I deserve!" That detestable woman stomped out of the room, before stopping in front of me. I was alerted to how shocked, how terrified her shoes appeared to be, and as I looked up at her with tears flooding my eyes, I saw her terror of losing me just as she had lost Jaehyuk Ajussi's heart.

I shuddered. That memory left me mentally scarred for life, and I had come to hate her in my years of growth and development. Since then, I matured the way a nine-year-old needn't mature; I saw the ugliness of the world, and how extreme people can be to get the things they want. My mother was an excellent example…

I spent my teenage years searching for Chanyu, forcing myself to not believe the authenticity of her death. When I found out that she had been raised by Agalia's parents, I was over the moon. I protected her in my very own way, wanting to be by her side forever, ensuring that she was never out of sight. I tried to prevent her from the heartbreak she received by being with Junmyun, but I couldn't control their feelings. Every single joy of hers was my ecstasy, every time she smiled my heart flew towards the sky. I chose a local university when she celebrated her scholarship even though I knew I could make it overseas because I wanted her to see me, I didn't want to be hiding in the wings anymore.

So when I met her, and started to befriend her, I fell for her. I loved her, and more than anything, I needed to protect her.

But I still let her get hurt in the end. By my very own mother.

I guess this was our fate, wasn't it? I would always be the child of the lion, and she would always be the lamb.

She deserved better than me. Ever since I found out about what my mother did to her, ever since I fell for her, I have been hiding the truth from her, because I didn't want her to be hurt, and most importantly, I didn't want her to leave me.

I held on to her desperately, but at the very end, she still chose to leave me.

But I have made up my mind. No matter how many times she rejects me, pushes me away, I will continue being her guardian angel, I will continue being the man in the wings, silently loving her, protecting her, ensuring that she doesn't get hurt.

Because this is what I owe her. What we owe her. If I have to atone for my mother's sins, I will gladly do so.

And also…

Because…

I will always love her.