Building Faith

By Ellf

Fools Rush In 21

Disclaimer: Jim Butcher owns the Dresden Files, any other works of fiction mentioned are not owned by me.

So much… I could feel so much. God, why did I feel so much? Pain. Pleasure. Joy. Sadness. Anger. Fear. Where was it all coming from? Why couldn't I focus? Why was… where was… I just… God, please… please… Why couldn't I shut it out? This sea of emotion… it would drown me. I couldn't… I just... Too much. Everything and everyone… I didn't know how far out I was reaching. I didn't… I just… I felt. I felt it all. Every bit of it.

I whimpered. The sheer amount… it was deafening. I couldn't… I just needed to… and my own… God, what was wrong with me? "Drew…"

"Fai, I'm here." Drew squeezed my knee, and the feelings it evoked within me were mine. I didn't want to get lost. I wanted… I wanted to be me. Or us. But not all of us. I couldn't… I needed my emotion. My feelings. My skin tingled where Drew's hand was, but it didn't dull the sounds… I just… he was concerned. I think. "We need to get you somewhere safe, where?"

God… I couldn't focus. Adrift on a sea of emotion, my focus shifted around, looking for a life preserver. Needed. I needed. I don't know what I needed, but there was too much. Wait…. "Wards…"

"Wards, Fai?" Drew started the car... I could hear the engine rumbling, feel it moving, but then oh… Oh God. Panic… Shivering… Oh no nonononono… Why was? Pain. Fuck. Anger… Fading… panic more panic… fear. What was? My head whipped around, eyes darting back and forth as Drew pulled out of the parking lot. God, what was… It had to be there. Where was it? No. No… Oh… Joy now… and… oh….

I bit my lip, gasping. "Need… Wards…" Fuck. So much… what… why was? God…. So much… Shit… what was… I shivered and wrapped my arms around my shoulders, pressing against my chest. "Harry's..."

"Your boss's place?" Drew asked, looking over to me. I could taste his concern, feel it. It was his, stronger than the others… but there were so many others. He was… I just needed… "Fai, talk with me, please. What hurts? What did you mean by everyone?"

"Feel…" I said, whimpering again. My skin tingled everywhere, and I was… It felt nice, but there was too much. Everyone was too much. "I can feel… They're all out there… everyone…"

"Fai," Drew shifted gears as he drove, keeping speed limit. "You can feel what? How many people there are? Feel…"

"Everything!" I shuddered as my voice cracked. "It's so much… so much pain… so much joy… pleasure… It's everything. Make it stop Drew… Please make it stop…"

"I don't know how." Drew drove along. "Just… focus on my voice, Fai. Keep focused on me and my voice. Maybe this can help."

I placed a hand on his arm. I needed to feel something tangible. Something that wasn't from outside… and my skin tingled and oh God. I needed to… this seatbelt was too constraining. I needed to get away. To curl into a ball. Maybe if I made myself as small as possible, I'd sink and I'd be able to just find myself. To enjoy the sensations, not be overwhelmed by them. If I could just shrink the area, I'd be able to ride it out, I knew. There was just too much. Pleasure, pain, joy, sadness, anger, hate, love, fear, greed, hope, compassion, concern, everything… it welled up from everywhere.

"Fai, talk with me…. And buckle your seatbelt again, damnit." Drew reached over and pulled the seatbelt over me, buckling it into place. I grabbed his hand, pulling it to my chest, holding it there. "Faith, what are you doing?"

"Drew… I need…" If I just could… I didn't want… well, I sorta did, but not in the car. Drew was special to me, and I needed… I needed a lifeline. Touching him, his concern and… well, his care for me, they shone brightly to me. He just…

"Mmm… Let's get to Harry's, Fai. I need my hand." Drew tugged his hand away from my chest, brushing against… Well, it felt nice, but as Drew pulled away, I couldn't… they were back. I looked out the window, and there… I could see someone. She was… I could feel her loneliness amongst the cacophony of emotion coming from everywhere else. She longed for something, but I couldn't tell what. She was thin, pale, but she'd paused and she kept walking. I couldn't see her hair under her hat, nor could I see her arms, but… she seemed familiar. She was… I didn't know who, or what, but she… I… a bit of hope flared from her, and she ran away into the sea…

Whimpering again, I tried to fight against the current. I couldn't swim here. There were no levies, no boats to pull me out. Where was my sister? She had to be somewhere among this sea of emotion, this sea of lights…

"Fai, what are you doing?" Drew reached over me, rolling up my window. He was here. He was right there, and I needed to… I wrapped my arms around him, and I pressed my lips against his, kissing him. After a few seconds, he started kissing back, and oh, it felt so nice. He was right here, and he was pulling me from the sea. He was going to let me focus, to have me here with him and I was going to just… I was going to show him. Wait… No… Why was he pulling away? I groaned in frustration. "Faith, come on. Just hold on. Stay with me. We'll get you behind your boss's wards. Maybe they'll help block out what's happening to you. Plus, Molly will be there."

"Mmm…" I groaned. He was supposed to be my lifeline. I was going to wash away. I was just… Maybe the snow that was falling would have helped me. Was there a reason I shouldn't just open the door here? I mean, we weren't at a stoplight, but I was pretty sure that there was… something. I could. There was a focus of… Huh. That was weird. It was… a current of… was Will an actual emotion? It felt like something was there, just… It was… Oh, that was something else. Oh dear. Oh… that was something nice and… Fuck. I needed to just get out into that snow. Maybe if I got under it, it would cool me down enough. It was too hot in this car. "Drew…"

"Almost there, Faith. Stay with me." Drew looked at me, and I returned the gaze, but I still avoided his eyes. We hadn't soulgazed yet, and… "Your lips… Fai, are you cold?"

I shook my head. "Too hot… Need…" I stripped the hoodie off, leaving just the dress. Kicking off the shoes, I started to remove my stockings, only to be stopped when Drew placed his hand on mine.

"Fai, stop. Please." Drew messed with some things on the dashboard, and the air kicked in. "We're very close, just… stay dressed, please."

Fai, are you alright? Wait, that was Molly. Where was Molly? I just… Oh fuck, that wasn't right. Why was there a surge of… a mix between pleasure and pain and… okay, that wasn't right. Felt weird. Made my… Fai, answer me.

"Molly?" I knew I heard her. Where was she? I just… Gah. Why…? When had I gotten in Drew's car? Why wasn't… Weren't we just at Mac's? I swore we had just left. Oh. Wait, no, the vampire. Wait, did I… God. Why was it just… It was flowing and there was too much. I could. I needed my sister. Or I needed Drew. Drew, where are you?

"No, Molly should be where we're going, Fai." Drew squeezed my leg, and I wanted him to squeeze higher. There was just so much that he could… and I would just let him. I… He'd called me his girlfriend, and I could feel how he was just… His care, his honor… He was just… Drew was mine.

Fai, why would you… Faith, what happened? Molly again? She sounded worried… and felt worried… at least that's where that strong channel of worry came from. God. I just… maybe I could share with her? Maybe she could help somehow? I just needed to open… my… mind… to her… I could show her… Fai, what is this? Why are you…? How? Fai… what happened to you?

Drew pulled into a parking lot covered in fresh snow, carefully coasting into the spot. Snow continued to fall outside, and I wanted to go out into it and just let it fall on me. Maybe if it did that, there could be an iceberg, something to hold onto among these emotions. "We're here, Fai… We're at Harry's."

I smiled at Drew, and then I whimpered again. Fuck. It was… The buildings nearby. I could feel their residents. Mrs. Spunkelcrief… she was peaceful, sleeping…. The Willoughbys too… I knew it was them… and oh… there weren't… Oh, Harry's neighborhood just felt… the ocean was only a sea here… It wasn't as overwhelming, but I could still feel them pressing down, them just being there.

"Fai! Drew, what happened to her?" Molly! She was right there, standing outside the door of the car. When had she walked up? She just appeared. And Drew stood next to her… How? When did he learn to teleport? "And why is her dress halfway off?"

"Let's get her inside, and I'll tell you," Drew said, reaching in and grabbing me. I wrapped my arms around his neck, lightly as he pulled me into a bridal carry. Oh, this was nice. "The vamp isn't there, is he?"

"I don't know where Thomas is," Molly said as she led the way down the stairs while Drew carried me. "Stay back a sec, have to let us in."

I snuggled into Drew a bit. He was here. Molly was here. I could see them. Feel them. I couldn't see everyone else I felt, but I could see Molly and Drew. I could hear them. They were lighthouses, docks leading to the shoreline. Harry's wards hummed against my skin, and I felt when Molly lowered the wards and opened the door.

Kitty! Mister slammed into Drew's leg, and then he stepped outside. I couldn't… Drew stepped inside, and I was ashore. Oh… I wasn't in the middle of the sea anymore, once I passed the Threshold. I could still feel it, beating upon the shore, but it wasn't overwhelming anymore. The combined emotions of the city weren't there. I snuggled closer to Drew again, but he placed me on the couch, laying down. Mister apparently had decided to come back inside before Molly closed the steel door, letting the wards come back up.

"Drew, what happened to her?" Molly asked.

"Moll!" I giggled. God, it felt so good to not have those other emotions weighing on me. I felt good. Nice and tingly. And oh, I just wanted Drew and my sister to do things with me. "Drew called me his girlfriend!"

"There was a vampire. One of those batty ones," Drew said. "We managed to kill it, but I think it did something to her."

"Stars and stones," Molly cursed. "How much, Fai? What did the vampire do?"

I shivered. The vampire hadn't done nearly enough. It was going to do so much more, but then it… "Called me worthless," I growled out. "Licked my chest… and… it was going to…."

Oh… God, I felt so much rage coming off of both my sister and Drew at that. I sat up and walked, wobbling as I did so, wrapping my arms around both of them in a hug. "I'm 'kay. Just want… Mmm… Feels nice."

I snuggled my head between the two of them.

"She's acting high," Drew said. "But then she said things were overwhelming in the car. Something about being able to feel everyone. And then she… Never mind."

"Fuck," Molly swore. She never swore. "She's acting high because that's what Red Court saliva does to a victim. Makes you high enough that they can drink without their victims resisting. And it's addictive too."

"Feel so nice…" I said, my skin tingling. I just wanted to share it with them too. Way too hot in here though. I moved to the couch so I could better get leverage on my dress. Well, Andi's dress, but it looked good on me.

"Fai probably would have let the vampire drink from her, but he called her useless," Molly said in explanation.

"She blasted him with a bunch of lightning after that. It was wider than I've seen her do."

"She's not wearing her gloves. Probably couldn't focus it." Molly turned to me. "Fai, I'm going to go down into the lab. I'm going to see if I can't get you something to help end this faster… and do something about the addictive properties. See if we can't flush your system completely of it."

"No mind magic," I said suddenly. "Mind magic's bad."

"I remember what Harry said," Molly replied to me, smiling. "I'm going to talk with the skull about potions. Stay up here with Drew, okay?"

"Kay." I started tugging on my dress, only to have it being tugged another way by a black fuzzball at my feet. The puppy then jumped onto my lap and nuzzled against my hands. Mouse was very adorable and soft. He felt like he was worried about me, but I wasn't going to do much more than snuggle with Drew. If we had a first time, I wanted it special. I could make it special for us up here, and it would have felt amazing, but Harry's couch probably wasn't the best place. Maybe if Justine were here… I could make it so that Thomas could be with her. That'd be nice of me…

Molly looked to Drew. "Drew, I'll know if anything happens. We're friends, and I like the idea of the two of you together. I trust you, but this needs to be said. Do not take advantage of her when she's like this."

"Molly, nothing's going to happen," Drew said. "I'll make sure she doesn't try and come down after you. I don't think she's got the coordination right now to even try without falling."

Molly nodded. "Okay."

Then she was… where'd she go? I didn't see her walk off. Wait, Drew was sitting next to me, and... when had the blanket gotten around me? I was just… I swear… I was… Well, it still felt nice. The blanket was soft, and Mouse was softer, and Drew was warm, and I snuggled into him. He had protected me. I was the wizard in training, and I was the one protected by a normal mortal, but it was Drew. Drew didn't have a holy sword or magic; he wasn't a scion or any sort of supernatural creature. Drew was my friend though, and he was special.

My eyes drifted to the umbrella stand and what appeared to be a cane within it. No, Drew didn't need anything like that. I shifted slightly, pulling the blanket off. It was too hot. I needed to cool down a bit.

"Fai, what are you doing? You need to be covered up, you're freezing."

"Too hot," I said, gently pushing Mouse off my lap. "Need to cool down… "

"Faith, your lips are blue. You're cold. Sit here by the fire with the blanket on." Drew placed his powerful hands on my bare shoulders. I still wore the bra that Andi had brought. She was surprisingly the same size as Molly and I. "Careful, you'll wreck the bandages…"

"No! I'm going to…" I struggled against Drew, turning toward him. "I need to cool down! It's too hot!"

"Fai, come on…stop just…" I hooked a foot under his ankle and pulled. He went down backward, pulling me with him, such that I landed on top. My face was inches from his own. Oh, we could just… well, that wouldn't really cool down, but if he wanted to be warm… he wanted me warm, maybe… maybe there was a way.

The tumblers on the front door's lock turned, and the door opened, revealing an all too good looking man. He spotted us when he stepped in, and he cleared his throat.

"You two know I sleep out here, right?" asked Thomas as he walked closer to the living room. "Use Harry's room if you're going to do that. Lord knows it hasn't seen any action in years."

Mmm… Now that didn't sound like a bad idea. Wait… was it?