THIS MIRROR ISN'T BIG ENOUGH FOR THE TWO OF US

CHAPTER 21: LOVE BITES

Alone within the confines of her awesome castle bedroom, Elena jumped on her bed with lighthearted abandon. Her mattress was a literal dumping ground for all of the leftovers she had from her room service ordering frenzy, and her bouncy feet more than once trampled over pizza crusts, soggy nachos, and discarded muffin bottoms. Meanwhile, the sixty-four inch plasma television hammered her senses into numbness with an assault of violent and erotic high definition content.

Elijah entered the room, his shirt collar unbuttoned. Elena knew he only tended to do that after a really rough day.

"Hey E!" Elena called out. "Want to watch True Blood with me? It's about to start."

"No, thank you," Elijah politely declined.

"Why not? It's hot," Elena persisted, still bouncing.

"I really hate the accents. It drives me crazy, and makes me want to kill people and smash things," Elijah explained.

"Oh, yeah. That can be annoying," Elena said. "I mostly watch it for the hot sex."

Elijah scoffed. "I don't believe in such a thing."

Elena immediately stopped bouncing, her jaw hung agape. "You don't believe in hot sex?" she repeated.

"Nope."

Elena was gobsmacked. "But my lord, it is too sad for me to accept. Life is too cruel. If we cease to believe in hot sex, why would we want to live?"

Elijah shrugged. "Awesome castles, fast cars, billions of dollars... and doppelganger sacrifices?"

Elena nodded. "Yeah, I guess those are good too, but it's not the same..."

"Well, see ya," Elijah said and quickly ducked out of the room.

Upset and determined to find some more answers, Elena stormed into her bathroom and looked into the huge mirror behind the sink, but she was only greeted by her own boring, straight laced, plain Jane, girl next door reflection. "Just my luck, he's not here," she muttered. Out of curiosity, she knocked on the mirror with her fist. "Hello?" she called.

"Who's there?" a ghostly voice echoed through the bathroom.

"Umm... it's Elena," she stammered. "Elena Gilbert... is Luka home?"

"Hold on," the voice said. "Yo Luka! Some Elena chick is at the mirror! Want me to get rid of her?"

After about thirty seconds, the image of Luka appeared in the mirror, wearing his typically goofy grin. "Hey Elena! What's up? I'm totally stoked that you want to hang out with me again!"

"I don't want to hang out with you; I just want to ask you a few questions about Elijah since you've known him much longer than me," Elena said.

Luka hung his head sadly. "Oh."

"It's just that ever since I got here, Elijah's been acting kind of... weird," Elena said.

"He's a bit eccentric, you know."

"I know, but... it's like he's avoiding me on purpose or something. He didn't even want to watch kinky vampire stuff with me," Elena said sadly. "What's up with that?"

Luka rolled his eyes. "Maybe he's just not into you. Ever think about that, princess?"

That pissed Elena right off. "Like hell! Everyone is into me!" she snapped.

"Not Elijah," Luka said assuredly.

"What makes you so sure? And wipe that goofy grin off your face!" Elena blasted.

"Look, Elijah's more of a man's man, if you get what I'm saying," Luka said.

"Are you suggesting that Elijah is gay?" Elena fumed.

"I'm not suggesting; I'm saying. Elijah is gay," Luka said.

Elena shook her head. "Bullshit! I don't believe it for a second!"

"Oh really?" Luka challenged. "He's over a thousand, single, and thin. Haven't you noticed how well-dressed he is? And how clean he is? A little bit too clean for a straight guy, maybe?"

"But... but..."

"Or what about his fancy haircuts?" Luka ranted on. "Haven't you noticed his well-manicured nails?"

Elena's jaw dropped. "Oh my God! You're right! All the pieces fit! Why didn't I see this before?"

"In fact, I think he and my dad-"

"No!" Elena blasted, covering her ears with her hands. "I don't want to hear this!"

Luka snickered. "Don't you find it strange how Elijah has all the good looks, a billion dollars, and an awesome castle, but the only women he hangs out with are doppelgangers who are going to be sacrificed?"

"But there could be a perfectly reasonable explanation for that... maybe... I think," Elena said.

"Which is?"

"I don't know!" Elena snapped. "I'm trying to think..."

"Just face it: Elijah doesn't want you. He's not attracted to you. He just wants you dead, like all of the other women in his life," Luka said, laughing at Elena's stupor and misfortune.

"No! I refuse to accept it! I'm a Petrova doppelganger! Everyone wants me! Everyone has to want me! It's my birthright, damn it!" Elena blasted in a fit of rage. "Elijah might not want me now, but so help me, I'm going to borrow a page from Katherine's book! I'm going to make him want me! And then after he falls in love with me, I'll dump his lame ass! And I'll tell him that I never loved him, and that I've always loved his brother Klaus!" Elena cackled maniacally and ran out of the bathroom, eager to set her diabolical plan into motion.

Luka noticed how deliciously evil Elena was, and became quite turned on by it.

Outside the castle, Elena ran around the grounds until she finally found Elijah, who was taking his regular evening stroll on the yellow brick road leading through the Enchanted Gardens.

"Elijah!" Elena shouted as she caught up to him.

Elijah looked surprised. "Miss Gilbert. I thought you'd retired for the night."

Elena panted to catch her breath from the running. "What's your problem?"

"Pardon me?"

"Why have you been avoiding me ever since I got here?" Elena ranted. "Am I not hot enough for you? Am I too young? Or not young enough? Is my hair too straight? Are my boobs too small? Is it because I don't like to wear corsets? Is it because I'm the second Petrova doppelganger, rather than the first? That's it, isn't it? You've always got to have number one! You've always got to be number one, the best of everything! That's it, right? Tell me!"

Elijah was dumbfounded. "Have you gone mad?"

"No. Not about this!" Elena panted. "What do you want from me, Elijah?"

"Your sacrifice will be sufficient enough, Miss Gilbert," Elijah said.

"I'm not talking about the damned sacrifice!" Elena blasted. "Don't you... desire me... in a way that's not sacrifice related? Like you did with Katherine?"

"Miss Gilbert..."

"Don't give me that Miss Gilbert crap! What does Katherine have that I don't? Don't you want me? Everyone else does! Why not you?"

Elijah smirked. "Are you challenging me, little girl?"

Elena stood aggressively with her hands poised on her hips. "Yes! I challenge you, Elijah! I dare you to make a move! That is, if you think you're man enough to handle this much doppeliciousness!"

Elijah shook his head and laughed haughtily. "Oh, you have no idea what you're getting yourself into..."

"Show me!" Elena blasted.

"Do you realize I could rip your spinal column out so fast it wouldn't displace any other bones in your body, and your limp corpse would just fold over like a soggy gingerbread man?" Elijah offered.

"Bring it on then!" Elena snapped. "You're all talk and no action!"

"You don't fear me?" Elijah asked curiously.

"No! Do I look afraid to you?" Elena mocked fearlessly.

"Damn... that's pretty hot," Elijah muttered.

"I know you want me!" Elena snapped.

"But there's only one thing I desire," Elijah said.

"Which is?" Elena asked. Elijah's eyes drifted to her neck. "Oh!" she gasped.

"You don't have what I want," Elijah said.

"Like hell I don't! My blood is sweeter than a Georgia peach!" Elena snapped. "I just..."

"You were saying?"

"Um... I just..." Elena stammered nervously. "It's just that I've never..."

"Oh!" Elijah nodded knowingly. "You mean you've never... gone all the way before?"

"Right."

"I have to admit I find it hard to believe," Elijah said.

"You do?" Elena asked with renewed optimism. "Well, it's not really my fault. Stefan has a little blood problem. We could never... be intimate, because it would make him go insane crazy, rip my lungs out and feast on the gooey innards."

"This is your boyfriend you're talking about?" Elijah asked incredulously.

Elena nodded. "Yup, that's Stefan Salvatore. Nice guy."

"I think you should go back to your room, Miss Gilbert, and go to sleep," Elijah said.

"No," Elena said, brushing her hair back over her shoulder and tipping her head to the side. "I want to do this with you."

Elijah seductively ran a finger along the soft of her neck. "Are you... absolutely certain?"

"Yes. Klaus is coming, and I don't want him to be my first," Elena explained. "I'd rather my first time be with someone gentle, like you."

Elijah laughed coldly. "Who says I'm gentle?"

Elena gulped. "Well I guess I just assumed you were the good brother..."

"But sometimes the good brother turns out to be a violent lunatic schizophrenic and a total ass wipe loser prick with no life," Elijah pointed out.

"Point taken," Elena said. "So... does it hurt?"

"The initial penetration can hurt, but after that it should be smooth sailing... right up until the point when you lose consciousness and begin to die," Elijah explained.

"Okay then," Elena said, tugging her shirt collar to the side. "Do me."

"What, right here? Right now?"

"Bite me, Elijah!" Elena shouted.

Elijah held up a finger. "I'm not going to ask again..."

"Bite me!" Elena demanded.

That was the last thing Elena remembered before blacking out. She woke up in her bed with two sore wounds on her neck and a fierce hangover. Whether the headache was from blood loss or from all of the margaritas she drank the night before, she didn't know. "So much for making my 'first time' memorable," she grumbled, clamping a pillow over her pounding head.