Only have 7 chapters left! I'm almost sad :( but I'm excited to start on a new story ;) here's Chapter 21! Thank you all for reviewing. I love you guys!
Chapter 21
Given the new deal with Merle, Beth deemed it safe for the time being for her and Maggie to be at their apartment and live life normally. The trouble was, Beth didn't quite fit in her old life anymore. She was like a slightly bent key that would never be able to slide into its lock to serve its purpose. But, she was trying. She really was.
She had torn through assignment after assignment, occupying her mind with analyses and problem-solving for classes in order to avoid having to think about her own problems. When she would stop for a moment to breathe, it would all come pouring back over her. Once they did this last thing for Merle, Daryl didn't want anything to do with Beth anymore.
Shaking her head and gritting her teeth, Beth typed almost furiously in an effort to drown out her screaming thoughts with the click of the keys. She didn't normally like to work while listening to music because it distracted her, but now, a distraction was just what she needed. She put her big and cushioned earphones on and cranked up the volume on her iPod to an almost unbearable level.
"There," she sighed out loud when her thoughts had been overcome by the the classical strings and pipes of the instrumental arrangement. She could finally relax through the flurry of notes and she began to work on her paper with purpose.
A little bit later, a hand on her shoulder scared the shit out of her and made her yank the headphones from her head. "What the hell?" She groaned and looked up at her peering roommate.
"Just thought maybe you should eat something.. It's been a few days, I think," Maggie pursed her lips.
"I ate last night," Beth's voice scratched out.
"You had a few crackers, it's not enough. Here," Maggie pushed a plate toward her with a sandwich and her favorite chips.
Beth was touched by the gesture, but she couldn't even stomach the situation she was in, let alone a sandwich. Maggie didn't have to know that though. "Thank you.." She murmured with a faint smile that didn't reach her eyes.
Maggie looked at her worriedly. "It's not like you to get this upset over a guy, Beth.."
Beth rubbed her lips together before setting them in a straight line. "I'm upset because it was my fault, Mags."
"So, why aren't you trying to fix it? Why are you just letting yourself waste away in front of your computer?" Maggie crossed her arms over her chest.
"I did try," Beth insisted. "He hasn't returned my texts or calls so I'm giving him space, which is obviously what he wants."
"But you'll be seeing him soon, yeah? To work on the fake fight or whatever," Maggie sat on the edge of Beth's bed.
"It's a real fight, we're just going to try to fake it so I will win without us getting hurt, I guess," Beth shrugged her slight shoulders. She huffed and pulled her hair into a messy bun.
"Beth... You should be more happy about this. You're going to be fucking free from all of this bullshit. You can live your life without fear again," Maggie encouraged.
"Yeah, and without Daryl.." Beth sighed wistfully.
"Alright, gonna need you to stop acting like a baby about all of this," Maggie said sternly. "Did you ever stop to think about the consequences of not taking care of yourself properly? If the fight has to look real, you can't look weak."
Beth swallowed and pinched the bridge of her nose, knowing her roommate had a point. "I honestly just feel like shit about this all, and I can't help the way I feel."
"Yes, you can. You've never pitied yourself before, ever. You've always fought for what is important to you, and I'll be damned if you lose your defiant attitude," Maggie spoke seriously.
Beth's lips turned up in a half-smile at that. "You should be a motivational speaker, you know?"
"Stop, I'm being serious," Maggie huffed.
"So am I.." Beth nodded and then stretched her neck from side to side, rubbing her cheeks. "You're right. The least I can do to try to make it up to Daryl is take care of myself and help make this fight as convincing as possible.. It's been two weeks, so I'm sure I'll hear from him soon," Beth hoped.
"See? I'm brilliant. I mean, I always knew it but it's nice to see you recognize it every once in a while," Maggie smirked lightly and nodded toward the plate of food. "Eat it, before I do."
Daryl turned the TV off and limped toward the door when he heard a knock. He was almost feeling like himself again, but he still needed some time to get back to tip-top shape. He looked through the peephole on the door and bit back a groan when he saw Merle's thick eyebrows overpowering the tiny window.
There was a small part in him that he had pushed away and locked in a box that hoped it was Beth. But a bigger part of him was glad it wasn't, because he hadn't fully formulated his thoughts about everything and he knew he'd just be cold toward Beth if she showed up now.
"Come on, open up. I have the good pain meds," Merle held up a brown paper bag and shook it.
Daryl rolled his eyes and opened the door, a firm look on his face. "Ya know I don' take that shit."
"Stop tryin' ta be such a hero, Darlina. That shit ain't impressin' anyone," he shoved the bag into Daryl's hands and Daryl curled his weak fists around it.
"What do ya want?" Daryl glared at him as he made himself comfortable on the couch.
"I wanna talk business, o'course," he leaned back and crossed one leg over the other.
Daryl shut the door and leaned against it with a heavy sigh. "Then talk an' git out," he tossed the bag on the table.
"Ohhh, someone is still touchy!" Merle chuckled. "Alright, alright, I wanna know how yer feelin'."
"Why?" Daryl looked at him skeptically.
"Can' I care 'bout how my baby brother is feelin'?" Merle feigned hurt and then smirked when Daryl looked at him in disbelief. "Fine, I wanna know how long 'til ya can fight."
Daryl puffed his cheeks, nodding. "Of course that's what ya wanna know.. I don' know, if ya throw me in there now then Priss will kick my ass without even tryin'. I don' think it'll be a good show."
"True, true," Merle agreed without argument because to him, the show was the most important part besides the money. "Well, I can hold it off a bit longer. Do ya need me ta train with ya, punk?"
Daryl wrinkled his nose. "No thanks. I actually want ta puke at the sight o' ya so it's best if I limit my exposure."
"Then I'm doin' my job right, asshole," Merle narrowed his eyes. "Fine, ya fend fer yerself an' Priss will take care of herself, too. It'll make things a hell o' a lot more interestin'.." he stood up and crossed the room to stand right in front of Daryl. "Ya know.. As much as I'd love ta git rid o' Priss an' never have ta see that smartass pretty face 'gain.. I'd love ta see ya knock her on her ass, too. Don' go easy on her, Dixon. 'm warnin' ya."
"I don' intend ta. Believe me.." Daryl spoke convincingly and Merle accepted the words.
"Good," he opened the door again. "Things are a lot easier now that ya ain't up her ass, by the way. I can see I got my guy back," he clapped Daryl on the arm and Daryl tensed.
"Hey.. Can I ask ya somethin' without ya goin' too psycho on me?" Daryl braved.
"I guess ya can give it a shot," Merle replied with a shrug.
"Do ya really have a daughter?" Daryl asked cautiously.
Merle's jaw tightened and he rolled his lips in. "I could kill Priss, really.." he sighed dramatically. "An' I will kill ya too if ya tell anyone, I mean it."
Daryl raised up his hands. "I ain't gonna say shit. Ya know that. I jus' don' know why ya lied 'bout it when it got brought up...the other day.." he finished weakly.
"''Cause I was pissed off an' I never wanted anyone ta know in the first place," Merle said tightly.
Beth hadn't been lying about that and even if it was too late then, it did make Daryl's stomach tighten a little at the realization. He quickly pushed thoughts of Beth from his mind and nodded casually to seem unaffected. "I understand, man. I won' say anythin'," Daryl played it cool. "I'll let y know when I'm feelin' ready ta fight, ya?"
Merle flashed him what was supposed to be a somewhat pleasant smile but it came off as a cocky smirk, as always. "Ya. Rest up, an' take the oxycodone, really. It might do ya good ta git out o' that thick head o' yers fer a while," he jabbed Daryl in the temple.
"Hey, wait.." Daryl tightened his lips, looking down for a moment in hesitation. "Is it her daughter?"
Merle blinked and stared at Daryl, leaning his shoulder against the doorframe and producing a sly smile. "There are a lot o' "her"s it could be, Daryl. So I have no idea who yer talkin' 'bout."
"Yes, ya do," Daryl immediately replied in a knowing voice and Merle's eyes turned into a glare.
"None o' yer fuckin' business, 'gain. Why don' ya focus on healin' yer weak ass instead o' puttin' yer nose where it don' belong," Merle turned and walked away, sticking up his middle finger over his shoulder as a parting gesture.
Daryl clenched and unclenched his fists for several moments after Merle left, his eyes drifting to the paper bag that he'd set on the table. He walked up to it and grabbed it, pulling out the bottle of pills and staring at it contemplatively. He needed the escape, it was true.
He went over to the sink and opened up the bottle, tipping it to pour all of the pills down the sink, washing them down with water. Despite how low he felt, he would never turn to drugs, prescription or not. Not after what he'd been through with his mother. Merle bringing him those as a gift only testified the fact that the man didn't know him at all. He didn't know Daryl in the slightest, and yet he ruled his life. Some fucking brother.
At that moment, Daryl missed Beth a lot but he would never admit that; it wasn't his nature.
When Beth received a text a few days later while she was in class, her heart skipped several consecutive beats and she caused a bit of a commotion when she knocked her water bottle off her desk.
-I wanna meet, please. We need to start discussing the fight.
Beth took a deep breath and composed a casual reply. Alright. When and where? As she typed the words, she resisted adding, Are you okay? I fucking miss you., but she was only barely able to.
-I'm gonna pick you up in my car. We can't meet anywhere around here. Pick you up in front of the coffee shop at the end of your street at 8 tonight.
Beth gulped. She had never been in a car with Daryl before and the idea of being in such a tight space with powerful tension and contention didn't seem like the best idea. But, she would do whatever Daryl
requested because she absolutely owed him that.
I'll be there, were the words Beth selected to use from the thousands that were swarming in her head.
Daryl didn't reply, and Beth didn't expect him to. Not anymore.
"''Ey!" Carl waved from a table outside the coffee shop as Beth approached, Lizzie seated across from him..
Beth tensed up, wondering how the hell Carl seemed to show up at all the worst times. She waved back awkwardly and glanced around. "Um.. What are you doing here?"
Lizzie looked at her, confused. "I texted you and asked you if you wanted to have coffee. That's not why you're here?"
"Oh, you probably texted my old number," Beth shrugged and she glanced at Carl tightly.
"Why'd you get a new phone, anyway?" Lizzie questioned, bringing her cigarette to her lips.
"Hey, wanna see what Larry can do?" Carl abruptly changed the subject, which wasn't out of character for him, and Beth had never been more grateful to see him pull Larry out from his pocket.
Lizzie and Beth watched as Carl pulled out a little lizard snack and threw it up in the air. Larry stood on his hind legs and flicked out his tongue to catch it before it fell, returning to a lazy position and chewing it, clearly pleased with himself.
Lizzie clapped her hands and Beth was equal parts amazed and disturbed by the length of Larry's tongue, thinking that if he was human he'd find a girlfriend really easily.
"Really great job, little guy," Beth said awkwardly, because, well, she was talking to a lizard. Lizzie's phone rang and Beth took the opportunity of having her distracted to whisper to Carl, "can you take her inside for a minute? Daryl is meeting me here and I don't want her to ask questions. Please.."
Carl furrowed his brow. "But I thought you two weren't talking.."
"Maggie will fill you in, I'm sorry, but please.. I'll be perfectly safe, I promise you, I just don't want to have to explain all of this to her. You know it's better if she doesn't know."
Carl sighed and scooped Larry up to put him in his pocket, standing up with a nod. "I don't know about safe but.. Alright, You text me later, okay?"
"I will, for sure. Thank you, thank you," she gave Carl a quick hug and Carl chuckled.
"All good, dude. I wanted a donut from in there, anyway," he murmured before asking Lizzie to come with him and telling her he'd buy her a donut too.
Beth was grateful to have a moment of distraction with her friends to calm her nerves, but as soon as they went inside, Daryl pulled up. Beth had never seen his car, but it was undoubtedly him because it had Daryl's style all over it. A vintage, black sport's car that was a little scuffed up and rough around the edges, just like Daryl.
Beth took a deep breath before getting in, her heart immediately pounding when she was accosted by the familiar scent and the palpable tension between them. Beth glanced over at Daryl and bit her lip. Daryl didn't look back at her but just started driving forward.
Beth cleared her throat and crossed her arms over her chest, shivering at the iciness of Daryl's exterior.
"Ya cold?" Daryl asked gruffly, the veins in his neck pronounced.
Beth shook her head in response. "No, I'm good.."
After a loud sigh, Daryl spoke, "look, this can either be awkward as ass er we can push past it an' focus on the common goal o' outsmartin' Merle an' gettin' ya the fuck away from all o' this."
"I'm trying, Daryl..." Beth replied slowly and fiddled with her fingers, knowing that her getting away from all of this also meant away from Daryl. "It's just kind of hard."
"I fuckin' know, alright? It ain't like it's easy fer me either.." he sighed out the confession. "But tonight an' the next few times we meet are 'bout the fight. That's it. I don' want ta talk 'bout what happened er what's goin' ta happen. Can ya promise me that? 'cause if not, then forget this."
Beth's chest constricted unpleasantly. "Yeah, I promise. No talking about it. I will be focused."
"Thanks, 'cause I'm willin' ta act normal if ya are. There ain't no time ta waste with broken hearts an' emotional bullshit," Daryl said the harsh words with a surprisingly soft tone and took a turn on an unfamiliar road.
Beth closed her eyes and took a deep, steadying breath in order to adhere to Daryl's wishes. If he wanted normal, then Beth would do her absolute best. "Where are you taking me?" Beth glanced out the window curiously.
Daryl took a deep breath before responding. "Somewhere that Merle will never show up."
"How can you be sure?" Beth lifted a brow. "He is everywhere, I fucking swear."
"'cause.. Last time he was there, he got the hell beat out o' him by his worst enemy an' he'd be too pussy ta go back there," Daryl answered lowly and succinctly.
Beth blinked in surprise at the unexpected reply, searching Daryl's face for more answers. "I didn't think Merle was scared of anyone.. Do you mind telling me more?"
"This is the one exception.." Daryl licked his lips, deciding to go on only because it would keep an awkward silence from happening that would inevitably lead to Beth talking more about exactly what Daryl had asked her not to. "He used ta be good friends with this guy, Martinez, an' they got into this whole fightin' thing together."
Beth listened intently, fascinated by the never ending saga of this particular sect of fighting.
"They were on the same crew an' they were like brothers," Daryl snorted and rolled his eyes. "Always had each other's backs. That is, until they fell fer the same woman, Carol. I don' know all the dirty details, jus' what I saw an' what the guys mentioned here an' there. Merle don' like talkin' 'bout it ever," Daryl shrugged.
Beth relaxed at the ease of Daryl's voice and for the moment, it felt like things were okay between them again, even if Beth knew they weren't.
"So, we had this big ol' barn where Merle first trained me an' where we'd prep fer our fights. Martinez an' Merle made it up as nice as they could, got electricity in it an' shit, an' it was kinda our haven. Ya know, a fucked up sort o' one," Daryl rolled his eyes and Beth smiled wryly.
"Anyway, fer some reason that I
can' even begin ta understand, Carol chose Merle over Martinez. It didn' sit right with Martinez, okay? So he shows up at the barn one day while me an' Leech are trainin' with Merle, an' he jus' starts goin' at him hard. I mean, not even holding back. An' Bleak is a big guy. The type o' guy ya'd never want 'gainst ya. Merle fought back, o'course, but it was brutal...Martinez cut Merle's right hand off." He grimaced.
Beth put her hand over her mouth, riveted by what really should have been a fictional story because it was too tragic to be real. "Holy shit. But.. What ended it?"
Daryl chewed on his lower lip. "Leech an' I stepped in 'cause it was what we were expected to do. At that point, Merle owned our asses even more than he does now.. If ya can imagine that. We were just kids, anyway, an' we wanted his approval. Plus he was losin' a lot o' blood from the wrist."
"Yeah, I can understand that.." Beth murmured and slipped a ring on and off her finger absently.
"We were able ta fight him off but Merle was nearly dead, I really thought he wasn' gonna make it," Daryl explained with a grimace.
"Why didn't you just let him die?" Beth asked coldly.
"'Hold yer tongue. He's a mean son o' a bitch but he's still blood. Beth, at that point I was still livin' with my ol' man an' lookin' fer a way ta git out o' there.. Merle was my shot an' I'd worked too hard at it ta give it up then," Daryl murmured and Beth nodded in understanding.
"What happened to Martinez? I mean.. How do you know he isn't still lurking about and using the barn?" Beth asked a bit sheepishly, unable to deny fearing a man that could scare Merle.
"Well, Martinez got hauled off ta prison fer drugs an'...I drove over here earlier ta make sure the place is secure. It's a bit dusty but it's safe. It's been long forgotten since we all moved on ta the city," Daryl nodded with a sigh. "Anyway, it's the one place I know Merle er the guys won' be snoopin' 'round. We can talk freely."
"Yeah.. Thanks for doing that. I'm kinda sick of Merle popping up out of my ass every second," Beth mumbled, looking out the window as Daryk pulled up to the barn. "It's not hard for you to be back here? I mean.. I'm guessing it's not that far from your.." Beth trailed off, regretting her words.
"My dad never knew where this place was ta begin with," Daryl filled in the blank and shook his head. "I ain't worried," he parked the car and grabbed his bag from the back, taking a flashlight from it and waiting for Beth to step over by him before turning it on. He shined the light at the big, brown structure and sighed. "Home sweet home."
Beth swallowed and shivered at the looming building. There was nothing sweet about it. "You said there are lights inside, right?" Beth asked nervously and it earned a chuckle from Daryl, which sent tingles through Beth's spine.
"Yes, there are lights. Knox is really good with wirin' so he was able ta hook us up ta a power line without us havin' ta pay. Don' ask me how," Daryl shrugged and opened the big and rusty door after unlocking it with a key. He reached in and flipped a switch to reveal a big room with various chairs and random objects scattered about.
Beth stepped inside and looked around while Daryl shut the door and locked it behind him, the stale air settling around them. "Sure there aren't any transients living here?" Beth peeked into the corners skeptically.
"Hell, yer paranoid.." Daryl's lips lifted in a slight smile and when Beth saw it, it quickly dropped to a cold expression again.
Beth sighed inwardly but shrugged her shoulders, expecting Daryl's reaction. She took a moment to look over his face, which was nearly healed up; there was just some slight discoloration left. A five o'clock shadow had begun to grow. Daryl's hands were still wrapped but he wasn't wearing a boot for his ankle anymore, so that was good.
"You look like you're almost better," Beth noted carefully.
Daryl chewed at his lip and sniffed. "Ya, I guess 'm gettin' there. Anyway, ain't important t'night. We're jus' gonna plan."
"Oh, if we're not training then I should have brought some beer for us," Beth kicked at some dirt on the ground. "Maybe it'd bring some inspiration on what we should do."
"I think drinkin' together would be a stupid idea," Daryl replied coarsely. "'sides, we don' need inspiration, I got it all in my head an' planned out."
"Of course you do," Beth sighed and brushed some dust off a chair before sitting down, biting her lower lip nervously and wondering how they could really be back at this point. It was just like the beginning when Daryl was so careful not to let anything happen between them. Except now, Beth knew all that she was really missing because she'd experienced it.
Daryl slipped a spiral notebook out of his bag and sat in a chair across from Beth, looking down at the paper with scribbled notes and tapping a pen against his lips. Beth watched his every movement and quickly glanced down at her lap when Daryl looked up.
"Stop starin' at me," Daryl grumbled and trapped the pen between his upper lip and nose while he thought.
"Sorry," Beth murmured back and crossed her legs, unable to resist smiling at how silly Daryl looked but making sure to make her face neutral when he looked at her
"Alright, this ain't goin' ta be easy.. Ya need ta know that right now," Daryl began.
"Of course it won't be, Merle has been fighting for years and he'll be able to tell if we are faking.. Yeah?" Beth worried.
"Ya, he will," Daryl replied slowly. "Which is why the emotions b'hind it have ta seem real. I know Merle is lookin' fer a fight where one o' us pusses out 'cause o' our history, but it can' be like that. It has ta be hard an' full on ta the end."
Beth was surprised by how candidly Daryl was talking about their "history", as if they weren't living it anymore and it was just written in a textbook somewhere. But, Beth knew what it was like to look at tough times objectively as a way to cope.
"Beth?" Daryl asked with his brow raised.
"Yeah, I got you," Beth quickly got out of her analytical mindset and put her head back into focus.
"Are ya sure?" Daryl leaned back in his chair, looking at Beth with slow blinks. "'cause it means that ya can' go easy on me jus' 'cause o' what happened with us."
"You mean.." Beth furrowed her brow. "You want me to really hit you and shit?"
"Ya, I do," Daryl replied simply. "At least a few times. An'.." Daryl bit his lip, leaning forward on his knees and shaking his head slowly. "I have ta really hit you.." he glanced up with apologetic eyes.
"Oh.." Beth mouthed and nodded. "I think.. I think I knew that. But, hard?" She asked hesitantly.
Daryl's jaw tightened and he rubbed his hand over it. "It has ta be hard enough fer the crowd and Merle ta hear it, Beth..."
"I, uh.." Beth mumbled. "I don't know if I can hit you like that."
"That's what we need ta work out.. 'cause I don' think I can hit ya like that either," Daryl rubbed his temples. "Which is why this would be so much easier if I had the desire ta hurt ya, but.. I don'."
"Maybe you can just think back to how mad you were at me the other day.. Or, how mad you still are.." Beth added timidly.
Daryl ducked his head down and bit the inside of his cheeks, taking an audible breath. "Ya promised ya wouldn' talk 'bout it.."
"I only mentioned it because I'm trying to help," Beth said honestly. "Not start shit."
"Ya, right, yer always startin' shit," Daryl said with a slight tone of affection which he tried to cover by clearing his throat.
"But, I mean it.. This time I really wanna help. If you want me to win this fight, I will do whatever it takes," Beth said confidently, even though her voice did waver a bit.
"Beth.." Daryl tilted his head and studied Beth's face. "Don' ya want ta win it, too?"
Beth laced her fingers and licked the corner of her lips, her left shoulder shrugging up slightly. "I believe my answer falls under the category of 'things that might start shit'."
Daryl rolled his eyes. "I'll allow the shit ta be started jus' a little bit."
"Yeah?" Beth blinked at the unexpected allowance. "Well.. If I lose then Merle gets his money still, and I don't have to leave you in this mess. We can both figure our way out another way.." Beth wanted to say 'together' but she didn't know if that was even a possibility anymore.
"No, no.. Beth, ya were never meant ta be involved with this anyway. I chose this life, ya didn't," Daryl asserted. "Ya got thrown into this 'cause o' me."
"You didn't choose it," Beth scoffed, tugging at a fraying string on the sleeve of her jacket. "You found your only option to get away from your dad."
"Come on.." Daryl sighed. "There were other ways I could have taken an' ya know that."
"But they would have taken years and who knows what would have happened to you by then.. Seriously, Daryl, nobody would blame you for the route you took," Beth insisted with a nod and big eyes.
"No matter how er why I chose this life, it's my burden ta bear, not yers," Daryl raised his eyebrow. "So, ya don' need ta worry 'bout leavin' me b'hind. I'll figure a way out, jus' like I'd always planned. Sure, the money is good but.. Fuck it, I don' even care 'bout that anymore. I'm jus' bidin' my time now."
It was a huge contrast to the mindset that Daryl had when Beth first met him. The fighting and the money excited him and he wanted Beth to feel that rush, too. But now, as Beth looked at the man in front of her, she could see how completely worn out he was by it all.
"I just.." Beth puffed her cheeks and blew out a breath. "You know I care about you, I'll leave it at that. It's why I'm not jumping up and down at the prospect of being free, not when you have to still live in this mess."
"Ya'll feel differently when ya realize how great life will be without havin' ta look over yer shoulder constantly.." Daryl muttered and swallowed thickly.
"Yeah, it will be nice to not be worried all the time about that.. But it doesn't mean that I won't be worried about you, I'm not going to lie," Beth admitted.
Daryl glanced at her with a hint of tenderness in his eyes. "Ya know I can take care o' myself. If ya want ta make my life easier, y'all agree ta do this right, an' y'all out o' this shit."
"Right, so you don't have to deal with me anymore.." Beth sucked in a breath through her teeth and clicked her tongue. "Got it."
"Beth.. We both know that ain't why," Daryl looked at her with a faintly pained expression. "It would make me feel better ta know that yer safe. That's all."
Beth couldn't help the light smile that turned up her lips. "Yeah, alright. If it's what you want, I'll do whatever you ask."
"Even hit me?" Daryl challenged and Beth pursed her lips for a moment.
"Yeah, even hit you. I'm sure if you're hitting me then it'll piss me off enough for me to muster the desire to knock you on your ass," Beth teased and a low chuckle rumbled in Daryl.
"That's what I need, that fightin' spirit," Daryl approved.
It really did feel like old times, and even though Beth wished they could be kissing and touching and doing what they got used to doing, this didn't feel bad. Maybe they had hope, just maybe.
"But you have to promise me something.. Well, two things," Beth amended and held up two fingers.
"I figured ya be demandin'.." Daryl sighed and motioned with his hand. "Go on."
"You have to hit me like you mean it.. Don't hold back for any reason, you know I can handle it," Beth looked at Daryl evenly and waited for him to respond.
"I'll do my best.." Daryl nodded slowly. "I think we might have ta.." he grimaced, "practice that. Fuck, 'm sorry."
"Hey, it could be worse," Beth shrugged. "The second thing is.. You gotta promise me that you'll do whatever you can to get out of this, okay?"
"Beth, ya know I will," Daryl sighed.
"I mean it.. I don't know if you want contact with me in the future or not.." Betn frowned. "But if there's some way that you can let me know that you got out, I want you to."
Daryl nodded gently in response. "Yeah, I'll make sure ya know somehow.."
"Thank you," Beth flashed a small smile. "Now," she cracked her knuckles, "shall we get down to business?"
"Let's," Daryl smiled back tightly. "An' yer off the hook t'night 'cause I ain't well enough ta punch ya yet."
"Oh, lucky me," Beth replied sarcastically.
"Yep," Daryl popped his lips. "Did ya ever do acting in school? 'cause this is gonna require a lot o' it."
"Um.. I was in a shitty rendition of Grease when I was 15. I played Sandy," Beth laughed.
"I would have paid ta see that.." Daryl bit down on a smile.
"Shut up.." Beth crossed her arms over her chest but a wide smile was on her face.
"We can' do this, Beth..." Daryl warned in a suddenly strained voice, his face falling.
"What? Be friendly to each other?" Beth questioned. "I think we can."
Daryl remained quiet and read over his notes on paper. Beth sighed loudly and spoke up. "So, are you still mad at me about what happened?"
"I see we've completely thrown the whole 'we ain't talkin' ' bout it' thing out the window.." Daryl dropped the notebook on the floor unceremoniously. "No, I ain't mad."
"Then.. Disappointed?" Beth pressed in a quiet voice.
"Ya, I guess that's part o' it, but not fer the reason ya think," Daryl shook his head slowly, looking at Beth.
"I should have told you about it sooner," Beth voiced. "I know I should have."
"Ya, but, I probably would have reacted the same.." Daryl rubbed his eyes. "'M just'...Like that."
Beth was taken aback by Daryl's honesty. "But.. You do believe me that it's purely schoolwork and that there is nothing personal involved, right?"
"I believe ya, girl," Daryl mumbled. "It opened my eyes ta other stuff, though."
"Like what?" Beth questioned nervously.
"Jus'.. That it was stupid fer us ta git so wrapped up in each other now. So risky, ya know? We got distracted even though we said we wouldn'. I ain't the type of guy that makes a good boyfriend, an' I feel like ya were needin' me ta be that fer ya.." Daryl patted his jacket pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, placing one between his lips and lighting it. "Ya want?" he offered the pack to Beth who declined it in order to speak.
"I wasn't needing you to be anything other that what you are.. I wasn't expecting this to turn into some ideal relationship where we seem perfect to everyone. Trust me, I've seen what a relationship like that looks like from the inside. I don't have any faith in traditional roles in relationships, I believe that you make your own in a way that it just..works," Beth rambled and bit her lip to keep from going on.
Daryl took a slow drag and wet his lips before exhaling, his eyes watching Beth's face carefully. "We need ta have an understandin'.. One that we hold ta this time," he swallowed and tapped ash off the tip of his cigarette. "Fer now, it's better if we only focus on this fight an' let the "us" talk die. Talkin' 'bout ain't goin' ta change the fact that we don' have time ta waste here. I hadn' planned on spendin' t'night talkin' 'bout this, Beth, I thought we'd git right ta work."
"But I think we needed to talk.." Beth said in a thick voice. "So that we know where we stand."
"Ya? I think we did," Daryl gave a tight nod. "Jus' 'cause I won' act on it, don' mean I don' have feelins' fer ya. Ya know that, right?" Daryl tilted his head in question.
Beth's heart was equally lifted and saddened by Daryl's words. "I know, Daryl," Beth responded meekly. "This.. Sucks."
Daryl let out a wistful laugh. "Like a lot. But well, life has a way o' kickin' me in the balls," Tom stood up, stubbing his cigarette out on the ground before reaching into his bag and pulling out a DVD. "I have homework fer ya."
Beth raised her eyebrows curiously and held out her hand to take the case, smirking. "You want me to watch 'Fight Club'?
"Ya, I do," Daryl nodded. "Ya need ta see what it's like ta act out a fight. Make yerself into a character, 'cause ya can' be Beth, the girl who don' want ta hit me." He reached in the bag for another movie. Smirking, he threw it to Beth.
She snorted, reading the cover. "Boondock Saints? This isn't even a fighting movie."
"Na, it ain't. But Norman Reedus is a complete badass...jus' pay attention ta the way he acts. Real tough guy shit."
"It makes sense.." Beth puckered her lips, looking at the back. "Wow, Norman Reedus...is sexy." She grinned.
Daryl rolled his eyes and kicked at Beth's foot. "It's jus' a fuckin' great movie that could help ya. If ya want, I can have ya watch some shitty dubbed kung-fu films instead," Daryl warned.
"No, no, I'm good with watching Brad Pitt and Norman Reedus kick some ass," Beth nodded quickly.
"Ya, thought ya'd like that," Daryl joked but his jaw was tight. "An' here," he handed Beth his notebook. "Read over my notes. We'll meet 'gain this weekend 'cause if we stick 'round here more we will jus' talk, since ya can' seem ta shut yer mouth ever."
Beth glared but had to agree. "Okay, okay," Beth stood up, holding the movies and notebook to her chest and glancing around the barn once more. "Sure it'll be cool to meet here from now on?"
"Ya, I wouldn' take ya somewhere unsafe.." Daryl murmured and walked to the door, making sure to lock up the barn before they headed to the car.
The drive home was fairly quiet but not uncomfortable once you subtracted the heated tension that was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Talking about everything had helped a lot, yet it didn't bring them any closer back together. Once again, Beth had no idea what Daryl really wanted, even though he had been very upfront about most everything.
No matter what though, Beth knew that she had to do everything in her power to make this fight convincing enough for her to win. If she was free, then at least Daryl would have someone on the outside that could help him. That is, if he let Beth stay in his life.
As much as Beth knew things were better between them now than the last time they were together, she couldn't seem to shake the feeling that this was the beginning of the end and Daryl was just trying to break it to her gently.