Synapses were examined, conduction measured. Endless loops of stimuli, feedback, telemetry. Gradually, and to his surprise, he found that the only questions that surprised him were his own. They rose in the spaces between the endless answers elicited by the questions of others. How much could be measured?
Where lay the difference between before and now, in what units of measure could it be expressed clearly? And, question within question, why and how did he come to this unique awareness that there was a difference? Because for the first time he was aware of an absence worthy of its own definition and eluding all others. Absence was understood, but this, this, negation of presence, yes that nearly captured it, absence was a single concept but the consciousness of it was the difference now and it eluded his reasoning. The condition of belonging, the condition of existential connectedness, these were new in his experience, and he was unable to ignore them only because of their absence. He had believed himself to grasp the concept of "complete", but as days passed it was its absence that fixated him. Expressing his confusion would be dangerous under the current conditions. Irony, a concept he'd long struggled to assimilate, materialized in his consciousness as solidly as a mathematical equation. Irony: the very events that crystallized the most important questions of his life made them too dangerous to ask.
"It's been a week, Commander Maddox. I don't know what more you're hoping to find."
"Dr. Tainer I'm well aware that this wasn't intended to be an open-ended experiment. But everything we've found tells us nothing."
Juliana Tainer shook her head with a smile. "May I call you Bruce?" She had come to be impressed with this man's earnestness, and believed he truly meant no harm to Data. Unlike the Admiral, he was dedicated, in his way, to understanding what it was that made Data unique even in the realm of positronic cybernetic theory.
"Why yes, if you like."
"Bruce, everything we've found has told us exactly what Captain Picard, Lt. O'Reilly, and Data himself have insisted: there is nothing wrong here. You'd be just as likely to discover a quantifiable answer to why humans fall in love as to discover what it is in Data's makeup that evolved enough to lead to a meaningful relationship. He was designed to develop as a social creature, and as such to internalize aspects of social behavior. Perhaps lacking emotions doesn't, in the end, prevent one from doing so. Any more than being deaf prevented Ludwig von Beethoven from writing some of history's most beautiful music."
Caught by the analogy, Maddox countered, "But he heard it in his head."
"Not in the form he created. He lacked the physiology to do so. Just as Data lacks the electrochemical physiology we know as 'emotions'.Yet he understands the behaviors and interactions that are inherent in a committed relationship and fulfills them all. How many 'emotional' beings can claim to have done the same?"
Maddox had no answer, just as he had no answer to the question, years ago, of whether Data had a soul. "I haven't gotten the answer to that."
"Perhaps it's time," Juliana suggested kindly, "to admit that the question is simply irrelevant. Unless of course you've found something that raises doubts in your own mind that Data may be malfunctioning, or about to, and poses a danger to others and a risk to Starfleet."
Where Halftel would have kept hunting for the white whale of Data's "fatal flaws" until the universe ended, Maddox's excesses lay in the realm of lust for knowledge and yes, scientific acclaim. He wasn't an ego-obsessive like his would-be colleague and wouldn't conduct research past its original intent. For him, the intent had been to establish Data's functionality and track its development. That Halftel likely had a more personal motivation frankly disgusted him.
"You know as well as I do that no such malfunction or risk exists. But Dr. Tainer, aren't you even the least bit motivated to discover why he is able to evolve past the need for certain emotions considered necessary to establishing a primary relationship?"
Data would have been gratified to hear her answer. "I believe, Bruce, that Data might ask that question himself. Maybe he'll answer it someday, and if that day comes you can be sure he will share the knowledge with you. But for now, why not let him continue his life as he wishes? Who knows what 'discoveries' that might lead to?"
Maddox sighed, but not in defeat. "Very well." After a moment he added, "It seems I've insulted Commander Data yet again to no good end."
"On the contrary. This whole unfortunate business has begun to carve in stone what the Federation has for too long believed to be penciled in the margins of its law books. With a little more help from legal experts, you and I have helped to further define the rights of non-organic beings."
"You mean the right not to have positronic evolution be labeled as dangerous?"
Juliana leaned forward with a smile and laid her hand on Maddox's arm. "My goodness, but you do remind me of my former husband. So bound by technology. I mean, Commander Maddox, what could be more precious than the right to live our lives with whomever we choose, based on our own criteria?"
Maddox smiled a bit awkwardly. "Point taken. But I still don't get it…"
"You don't have to. The only two people who need to 'get it', already have."
"Commander Data, the preliminary results of your positronic systems evaluation show no evident malfunction, even considering the unusual and rapid evolution of your social and interpersonal subroutines. While we haven't yet determined the catalyst or processes for this particular branch of your development, Dr. Tainer and I feel secure in our decision to inform Starfleet and the Federation that there is no reason for you not to return to service aboard the Enterprise with your established rank and responsibilities." Naturally Maddox didn't expect a joyous outburst from his "guest", but the expression of doubt bothered him nonetheless. He really did respect Commander Data, for reasons that grew more numerous with the passage of time, and he didn't like to think of himself being cast in the lifelong role of potential nemesis.
"You say you 'haven't yet determined the catalyst or processes'. This indicates the possible intention to continue your research at a later date. I believe you may understand that such an eventuality would be no more welcome than was this evaluation."
Juliana Tainer did a remarkable job maintaining an entirely professional demeanor. Data was impressed.
"Not at all, Commander," she assured him with a gesture toward the data pad resting on Maddox's desk. "The completeness and detail of the results we have assembled here, ensure that no further participation by you will be necessary. The information your cooperation has provided to the Daystrom Institute will prove a rich resource for further research in and of itself. There are many more variables to be explored, but whatever will be required to be analyzed is now right here at the Institute. In addition, as experts in the field of positronic cybernetics Commander Maddox and I will be presenting a joint statement to the Federation to the effect that further requirements of your presence and participation in future research, apart from your already scheduled progress downloads, would provide no benefit to the Daystrom Institute and would be little more than a fruitless infringement of your personal rights."
Data's eyebrows rose a fraction as he turned his attention to Maddox.
"I'm truly sorry to see that surprises you, Commander Data. I've made some unfortunate mistakes during our acquaintance, it's true, but I've never had anything but respect for you since very early on. I have no wish to cause you more inconvenience than has happened already."
"And what of Admiral Halftel? I am certain he does not share your good intentions."
Maddox's demeanor tightened palpably. He knew he'd been well-used by the Admiral. What he had intended as a scientific fact-finding operation had inadvertently played into some sort of personal vendetta of Halftel's, born of his earlier defeat (albeit by technical circumstances) in his original struggle with Data over control of Lal. Where Halftel regarded her loss as a tragedy of science, Maddox had also defined it as a personal loss to Data. He was restrained frpm sending a message of condolence at the time only by his belief that it would have been unwelcome coming from him. And now Maddox was more than just a little ashamed of the current events having been spawned, as Data had observed upon his arrival, by an anonymous rumor.
"Admiral Halftel's personal… opinions will be outweighed by the reputations and credentials of Dr. Tainer and myself. And as Dr. Tainer observed to me recently, what has happened here has at the very least helped to refine the notion of your rights as a fully sentient and autonomous being. Though I won't insult you by claiming I knew it from the start."
"I cannot be 'insulted', Commander Maddox. But I appreciate your candor."
After a moment of the three sitting in silence with their respective thoughts Juliana inquired, "Well Commander Data, don't you think it's time you returned to duty?"
The powers that be at Daystrom Institute sought to cover their professional embarrassment by arranging for a dignified, official transport to return Data to a rendezvous point with the Enterprise, but were surprised to discover the starship was within two days' travel at low warp speed. Unbeknownst to any of them, Captain Picard had managed to determine that their assignment to examine energy field abnormalities could be well served by "exploring the phenomena" near the sector occupied by the Daystrom Institute. So much use of energy for the advancement of cybernetic research must certainly have some effect on the surrounding space, he reasoned.
"Who knew that human-made shifts in energy fields could qualify as naturally occurring abnormalities?" Leo had commented with amusement when he'd told her to notify Engineering to recalibrate the forward particle collectors. What Picard had (thank god) lacked in verbal expressions of support he more than made up for in practical resourcefulness.
"Madam, I don't recall requesting comment. My decisions as captain are based upon the strictest protocols and scientific guidelines of Starfleet."
"Yeah, right," she snickered as she headed to the comport in her office. A week of uneven sleep – "teddy" could only compensate so much for the echo of her rattling around her quarters alone – had eroded her powers of restraint.
"Pardon me, Lieutenant?"
"I said, 'yes sir', sir." She looked dead at him, waiting for him to blink. He didn't. Of course. "Sir," she added for the sake of style and was rewarded by the momentary clenching of his jaw.
"Anytime today, Lieutenant, if your schedule isn't too full." And O'Reilly gets the rebound.
The same day that Commander Maddox and Dr. Tainer had decided to put an end to Data's electronic dissection Deanna Troi was surprised – no, stunned – to find Leo ringing for admittance.
"Leo. I wasn't expecting you." To say the least.
"Yeah, I know. Neither was I. Expecting me. To be here, you know?" Funny when she was around Troi she lapsed into very unprofessional speech patterns.
Remembering herself, Deanna stepped aside and invited Leo in to have a seat.
"What brings you in today?"
Leo was wildly grateful Deanna hadn't led with "How are doing?"
"I'm not exactly sure."
"Have you had difficulty on duty?"
"No, nothing like that. I mean I'm kind of tired, not always sleeping well."
"I'm sure it's difficult to adjust to being alone in your quarters. Have you been having nightmares, perhaps worrying about what might be happening at the Daystrom Institute?"
She shook her head. "Not that I remember. I mean, I really do believe he's gonna be all right with that. It's just, well, like you said. After choosing to be alone for so much of my life, suddenly I'm noticing that it feels weird. It's like I've changed but didn't notice it, in my face so to speak, until now."
Deanna was smiling. "We often don't notice how we've changed until some outside force brings it into focus. You and Data have made the transition from single to couple fairly gradually, but in terms of a lifetime it is a marked contrast. Is the realization bothering you in some way?"
"Not exactly. Well, other stuff maybe. I've said and done some things I'm not proud of."
"We all do, Leo. But if they're troubling you, why don't you tell me about them."
"Well for one, I told Data I wanted to go home, to go back to where I was sure of myself and understand how things worked even when they didn't work my way. He told me I hadn't been here long enough to have faith in how things could work out here even when they seemed like they wouldn't. You know, how I thought you all were caving in to Halftel and the Federation, like that. And instead of being hurt or insulted, because he can't of course, he found a way to help me feel more secure by recreating my home that I had before coming here. The woods, the house, the inside, every detail perfect."
Surprised, Deanna asked, "How did he accomplish that?"
"it would take too long to explain. But he did it, and we spent the night there while I was C2Q after Halftel accused me of wanting him dead. Which I did, by the way, but he isn't worth the jail time by a long shot." Suddenly she realized her error. "Ah, shit, I shouldn't have told you that. About Data busting me out of C2Q to go to the holodeck, I mean. I don't care who knows I wish Halftel was dead as a haddock."
Covering a smile, Deanna prompted, "And you're concerned that you're too attracted to this simulation? As a denial of reality, perhaps."
"No, that's not it."
This was a lot harder than Deanna had expected. It was like chasing one of Beverly's escaped lab animals… you just had to keep following the sound of scurrying feet. Or in this case, the sound of words scurrying ahead of unformed thoughts. "Leo I can sense there is a question, or a number of them, troubling you. Perhaps the best thing would be to share them aloud, no matter how illogical they seem, in whatever order they occur to you."
Leo flopped back in the chair and took a breath. "Okay. Everything Data has done for me when I'm at my worst reminds me how much I mean to him. Data cared about me enough to do this remarkable thing in the holodeck, he saw right inside me and knew what I needed and without thinking twice he just did it. I'd never have thought of it myself, he said he wanted to create the place where I felt safe and sure so I could remember how it felt and rediscover it where I am now. Because, you see, I'd forgotten. Or I thought I did. It was all about faith, about being sure enough of myself to be sure of others, I'm not very good at describing it I guess. But he understood, we knew what he was doing. So I go there, when I'm missing Data, and I feel more loved than I ever have in my life. By someone who's not even supposed to understand the concept, you know?"
"I don't understand, Leo. What you're describing could be defined as an ideal romance. Someone who knows you and acts on what he knows in the best most caring way possible." Troi sensed an internal anxiety that grew, paradoxically, with the acknowledgment of Data's devotion.
"I've never, ever known anyone that in tune with me. And it makes me wonder, I don't understand…" she trailed off, and saw Deanna waiting. "Why? Why me? What is it about me that brought him to a place that surprised every fine mind in this century? I'm not talking about the small minds, the prejudices, I'm talking about the people that know Data and love him. Shouldn't the person who drives this amazing change in him be, well, be more equal to the distinction? I mean, he's perfect, isn't he, he'll never be jealous or selfish or spiteful. He's incapable of all the things that make someone undesirable to be with. So shouldn't he be drawn to someone who's at least close to that?"
"Nobody is like Data, Leo. You know that. He's attracted to humanity because of its endless variations. It's seemed to me, as someone who's known him for some time, that the ability to choose the positive over the negative when you're capable of either is what makes humans desirable to him as friends. Not so different from you and me."
"But that's it, I'm not able to do that. I've been just as likely to go one way as the other. And I've done the other, and recently, and I don't know why it doesn't matter to him."
"Why don't you tell me. You know nothing you say here can alter my opinion of you."
Leo shook her head as if to clear it. "That's what he says, no matter how I'm acting, no matter what kind of neurotic bitch I am, he says 'nothing you can say can change what is between us'. I just wonder, where's the line? How long can he believe that?"
Deanna straightened in her chair, projecting the therapist persona she knew was sometimes necessary to direct revelation from meandering. "Leo tell me what it is you did. I can sense that something specific, something concrete has happened to bring these concerns to light."
Leo told her then, told her about her final confrontation with Jenna D'Sora, about the satisfaction it gave her even knowing it would gain nothing. And she told her about what Jenna had said, that they were not so different, and that she knew it was true, and that it made her wonder all the more how Data could want her.
"Have you discussed this with him?"
"No, but he knows about it. I know he does."
"And has he let you know what he thinks?"
"Yeah. He told me he knows who I am and that I'm not perfect, and what's not perfect is made up for by the rest that makes me worth being with. Like that."
"I don't understand, Leo. What about this makes you so uneasy?"
Leo was, finally, unable to hold back the fear. "What if he changes his mind? What if after a while he decides I'm not worth the analogous effort?"
Deanna sat for a moment, deciding how best to approach the issue. It was obvious Leo didn't feel deserving of Data's commitment because of her perception of being unequal to his "perfection", and that she feared the contrast would someday become overwhelming to him.
"What would help you overcome these feelings of uncertainty, Leo? What knowledge would help you accept that Data doesn't require you to be as 'perfectly perfect' as you see him to be?"
She shifted. "It sounds crazy, I know. But since this whole thing started, and especially since he went to the Daystrom Institute, I can't get over wishing they could figure out the process of what it was that made him decide he wanted to be with me in every typical human way, but with such atypical perfection. If I knew how, I'd know why, and then I wouldn't keep beating myself up with questions." She was surprised to see Deanna smiling. "What, you think this is amusing?"
"No, not at all," Deanna shook her head, "I was just wondering if Keiko and Miles O'Brien needed the same answers before they got married. Or any other devoted couple for that matter. Leo, everyone wonders what is it that attracts and keeps that person most dear to them, how that person overcomes the knowledge of flaws and imperfections to love them 'anyway'. And the answer usually, almost always, is that it's you as a whole package, as an entire being, that is appealing to another. Flaws and all. You haven't considered the possibility that Data might be less stimulated by anyone as 'perfectly perfect' as he is. It's fairly obvious to anyone who's known him for a length of time that it's the unpredictability of humans that's one of their strongest appeals. Apart from that knowledge, though, I think you're in exactly the same position as anyone who has every been in love with anyone else. These are questions that might never be answered, or may be answered in time. But the most important answer, the analogous answer, if you will, is that maybe it doesn't matter. Aren't you fond of the phrase 'there ain't nothing but is'?"
"Well, yeah."
"Well what is, is that you are in a relationship that has happened naturally, that brings fulfillment and contentment to both you and Data. Does the 'why' really matter so much, as long as you're able to navigate day to day and treat each other well?"
"Well, yeah, I guess."
"I would never dismiss any of your concerns, but perhaps the best course right now is to relax and enjoy what you have, and not worry about where it came from. If any difficulties do arise, it's the here and now that will matter, not the then and there."
Ashamed, that's what she was, ashamed to be confronted by a shrink with her own hard logic. "I guess I am a real dodo."
"No, Leo, you're just human. And luckily you're balanced in your relationship by someone undistracted by emotion. It has seemed so far to work pretty well."
"So you're saying I don't suck."
Laughter overcame Deanna's professional demeanor. "Not at all, Leo, and that's my personal as well as my professional opinion. Now is there anything further you need to discuss?"
"Nope I guess that covers it. Thanks Deanna. For a shrink you're really Socratic."
"Thank you, I think."
And as Leo returned to her quarters to spend another night on the sofa, the opposite of absence was a mere ten hours away.