"Do you know when you have to go back?" I press my lips to his one more time and kiss him hard. It's 6:30 in the morning, and we still haven't fallen back to sleep. We slept for about two hours, until my parents came home. My mom woke me up and told me that it was okay for us to sleep in my bed since they're home. We moved upstairs about an hour ago and still haven't gone back to sleep. I don't know if the sun is up, thanks to my dark curtains that keep my room dark. But I imagine that it's bright outside. "When are you leaving me?"

"I don't know." He kisses me back. "I plan on being here for the holidays. I plan on being here at least until the new year. But I could get the call to return to duty at any time, so I really don't know." He kisses my fingers, one by one including my thumb. "Don't think of it as me leaving you. I'm going to be back…" He kisses my palm. "I love you too much to not make it back home to you."

"…Love me enough to not go back?" I put my hands into his hands and lay on his chest. "Love me enough to stay…" I could burst into tears just thinking about him leaving me. I want him to stay. I don't want to be without him. "Stay right here with me. In my arms. Where I know you're safe…"

"…There's no other place I'd rather be." He plays with my hair. "I didn't plan on coming home and falling in love. I come home for the holidays every year. Who would have thought that this year would be the year I'd meet the person I'm probably going to marry?" He kisses my jaw line. "I have to go back babe." He kisses my lips this time. "But I'm not re-enlisting. This is my last time. I don't want to go back…"

"…So when you come back, that's it? You won't go back? You won't leave me anymore?"

"I'm not re-enlisting because of you. I don't want to leave you. So I won't. This will be my last time."

"…So you can leave… any day?"

"Yes, babe." He sighs. "I can leave any day now."

"…And you're not guaranteed to come back." I hold him closer to me.

"I'll be back. I will be back."

"…I need you to do me a favor." I whisper. "Please." I blink hard, shaking the tears that almost fell back into my eyes. I won't cry. I don't allow myself to cry.

"Anything, babe. I'll do anything for you…"

"Anything?"

"Anything."

"Then let's do it… right now."

"Do what?"

I burrow my face in his chest. "…You know what I'm talking about." I say, muffled.

"…Sex?" I nod when he guesses correctly. "No, Demi. I don't…" He stops himself. "Not here. Not in your parents' house, baby. At my house…." He shakes his head. I guess I don't blame him if he really just doesn't want to have sex with me after the shit I just pulled on him when he fingered me. But I feel different now. I feel ready.

"So what? They don't have to know that we did it in the house…" I take my face out of his chest and look up at him. "I want to. I really want to."

"Why all of a sudden?" He asks. Good question.

"Because. I feel like I'm ready now. I know that I'm ready. And I really want to do it before I lose my mind. I wanna do it before I get scared again. I want to do it before you leave…"

"…But Demi…" He shakes his head. "I understand, babe. I really do understand. I want to do it before I leave too. But not right now… your bed is noisy and…. Your parents are home. And everyone's sleeping…"

"Joe."

"….I would, babe. Believe me I would."

"….If you saying no has anything to do with the way I acted earlier—"

He interrupts me with a kiss. "No. It has nothing to do with the way you were earlier. I promise."

"Then let's do it. Please. Before I lose my nerve."

"I can't…."

"Why not?"

"Because everyone is asleep. And your bed is noisy. And sex is pretty loud… I don't want to wake anyone…"

"…We can do it on the floor. Come on…"

"…Demi, YOU'RE not going to be quiet enough for us to have sex."

"Yes huh! I promise I'll be quiet."

"….Fine." He sighs. "But the SECOND it gets too loud, we're DONE."

"Okay." I get up out of the bed and throw my blankets on the floor. I won't lie. I'm a little bit nervous. I mean, I've never had sex with a man before. I'm very nervous about this. But I don't want Joe to change his mind, so I won't let him know that I'm nervous. I know for sure that this is what I want. I want to have sex with Joe before he leaves. I feel brave enough to do it right now, so I want to do it right now.

He picks me up by my thighs and lies me down on the floor on top of the mess of covers I made for us. He leans down and kisses me, harder than he's ever kissed me before. I feel the passion of the kiss as our tongues meet. He pulls away and kisses my lips without his tongue this time. "How do you like to do it?" He asks, as if I've done this a million times. I should be asking him that question instead.

"Um…." I try to think of any position that doesn't involve someone with their face between my legs or me with my fingers inside a girl. I must have seen at least a dozen positions on pornos and movies somewhere. Why can't I remember any? "I don't have a favorite position…"

"Good." He smiles and puts his lips to my collarbone. "That means we can try everything…" His hands meet mine as he kisses me again. I interlock our fingers and hold his hands. He puts my hands above my head and holds them there. He stops kissing me. "And you can pick a favorite."

Pick a favorite position. Well, all I really know is the one where the guy is on top. I don't know why I'm so anxious to do it. I kind of already know what it's supposed to feel like. I've had countless experiences with vibrators and strap-ons, and they've never really been that special. Regardless, I get to pick a favorite position. I wonder how many I'll have to choose from. "…What's yours?" I ask.

"Depends. I like being ridden…" He kisses my neck. "When the girl's on top, that is." His hands go down to the rim of my shirt. With one solid yank, he lifts it up and over my head. I'm in my bra, and I have a lump in my stomach the size of a soccer ball. I'm so nervous. "You're so sexy, babe."

"…Thank you." I say. I want to slap myself in the face. THANK YOU?! REALLY, DEMI?! Who says that?! I just make my lips find his to prevent myself from saying any other stupid ass things.

He sits up and takes his shirt off fast. I reach up with my hands and caress his back. He has such a muscular build. Maybe that's the reason I feel so safe whenever he's around. He presses his lips to my neck again. I feel his breath against my skin before he kisses it. With his mouth occupied by my neck, he reaches behind my back and unclasps my bra. My boobs fall out with heavy force.

I take my bra and throw it to the side. His forehead moves from my collarbone down to my chest as he pulls my right nipple into his mouth. I try my best to relax. The fiery, tingly feelings racing through my stomach are making it too hard to breathe. Is this what it means to truly be horny? To truly, madly, and sincerely WANT somebody?

His hands creep up and around my waist. He lifts me up slightly until I get his point. I lift myself up to make it easier on him. I look down and watch his movements. Roughly, he puts his hands underneath my butt and yanks my underwear and pants off. I kick them off myself. He sticks his tongue out and licks from my boobs down to my stomach. He's not naked. But I am.

Carelessly, he moves his face down further and licks me. Just like that. Like it's nothing. Like he just licked ice cream or something. No hesitation. No second guessing. He reaches down with his hands, spreads me open and licks again. This feels different than any other time I've been eaten out. He places his mouth over my clit and sucks. Oh god… "….." I opened my mouth, but I couldn't make anything come out of it. I breathe hard and prop myself up on my elbows to watch him do his work. He makes his tongue into a straight, hard line and pushes it deep, deep inside me. "Fuck…" I whisper.

The room is quiet. The only sound I can hear is coming from between my legs. Sucking, licking, slurping. I close my eyes and tilt my head back a little. His hands creep up my body while his forehead rests on my lower stomach. His tongue keeps darting in and out of me, his hands squeeze my chest. "Fuuuck…." I whisper again, this time a little higher. I don't feel like I have control over my body. I reach down and squeeze a handful of his dark, messy hair. "Oh god…."

Inside me, his tongue wiggles from left to right. I've never been much of a screamer, a yeller or a moaner, but I can't help myself. I really can't…. "Mmmm…." I rub his head and grip his hair again. Oh dear god… I'm so glad I don't have to worry about something stupid like if his condom is on right. I never understood how good it could be to have sex with someone that can't get you pregnant.

He pulls his tongue out of me and kisses my neck again. "I don't want you to cum yet, babe." He whispers to me. He leaves my neck and looks down as his hands circle around the waist of his shorts. With one swift movement, he takes off his boxers and his shorts. I don't know if I should've expected him to be as big as he is. He's got a big stature, and he has muscles all over. Why wouldn't his junk be huge too?

He reaches down and grabs it. It's so thick that his hand has to stretch to wrap completely around it. I can't even compare it to dildos or strap-ons. It's much bigger and thicker than the ones I've ever worked with. It has to be at least nine inches long. Maybe an inch and a half thick. I just keep staring at it. I let my instincts take over.

He takes his hand off it as my hand rests on it. I grip it tight and start rubbing on it. It's hard as a rock, too. But it's soft, at the same time. Joe's whole body is perfect. From head to toe. "…It's huge." I whisper and keep rubbing it up and down. He grunts.

"Let me do the work, baby." He moves my hands away from his stuff and pushes me down against a loose pillow. "Lemme know if I hurt you." He mutters and kisses me on my lips. Why would he hurt me? It's not like I've never stuck something up there before. His lips never leave mine. He reaches down and holds himself again, moving the tip of it side to side to open me up once our pelvises are aligned.

This is it. This is really gonna happen. Oh god, I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous…

The head of his erection pushes inside. I feel myself stretch, and I adjust my weight to allow him on top of me. My body takes a second to adjust to him. He doesn't give me enough time to adjust, though. He just keeps pushing in and in and in. It doesn't hurt at all. It's just… new. Way different from anything I've ever felt. He gets a little aggressive and shoves the rest inside all at once with a grunt. "Tight as fuck…" He mumbles.

I do kind of feel a slight soreness between my legs. But it's not painful. It's more like a dull ache. I close my eyes and relax my body. It definitely doesn't feel like a strap on or a vibrator. It feels bigger. Harder, but softer. Warmer. Better. Nothing in this world could have prepared me for this.

He holds my hand in his very softly and starts moving his pelvis back and forth. It slides out very easily, which probably means that I'm very wet. I shift slightly, opening my legs wider so that he can get in more. He takes that as an open invitation and moves faster, rougher. He utters a low groan in my ear and keeps sliding in and out of me. It feels good. REALLY good. I squeeze his hand to deal. "Mmmmm…." I whimper.

"Shhh…. Not too loud, remember?" He whispers in my ear and starts pumping me slower. I can't help it. I squeeze his hand more and spread my legs open wide for him. He kisses my neck again. "….Fuck this." He mumbles, and all of a sudden, something inside him just… snaps. He grabs my lower back and holds me up, his dick never comes out. He tucks his knees under his body, holds me up and starts pounding me. Every thrust inside, he grunts.

I put my arm across my chest so that my boobs stop flopping all around the way they are. All I can manage to do is gasp. I still haven't quite been able to choke out a moan yet. "Oh my god… oh my god, baby…" I'm only talking in a whisper. I don't know if he has much more to give me, but I so desperately want more. "Deeper… deeper…" I beg. I'm so completely out of my mind. And I like it.

"I dunno if I can give it to you deeper…." He mumbles back to me. "You're too tight…"

I lean up and put my head on his chest, wrapping my legs around his waist. I start bouncing up and down. "So what?" I kiss him and suck on his bottom lip. I don't know where or when I learned how to do what I'm doing. "I want all of it…" I whisper to him.

"Okay baby… damn." While I'm bouncing up and down, his mouth finds one of my boobs. He sucks on it. "You sure you've never done this before?" He begins to move with me.

"Hmm mmm…" I shake my head.

He stops moving me and lies me down flat on the floor. He pulls his legs out from underneath of him and hovers over me. Still inside me, he closes my legs and pushes them up, over my head. I didn't know I was this flexible… "Uhh… UHHH…. Shit…" He mutters a few more dirty words as he struggles to push inside me. I guess I really am tight, though I don't know why. I hope that isn't a problem.

"I…Is… Is it… b…bad to be… be tight?" I ask him, my syllables becoming broken with every amazing, pulse-pounding entrance his shaft makes into me.

He shakes his head fast. "Fuck no…" He licks the back of my leg all the way up to my foot. He kisses the arch of my foot and keeps fucking me. He's in me so deep I feel like he's touching my brain. I literally feel him…. I feel him all in my stomach. "Tight pussy's the best pussy…" I close my eyes at that. I didn't know he could talk so dirty…

My eyes roll back into my head. "Oh my fucking god…" With that last thrust, I swear he hit something good. He hit something very good…. my legs shake. I really need to scream. I can't hold it in anymore. I have to scream.

"Mmm…." He pulls out of me. "Here… get up, babe." He smacks my ass softly, and I sit up like he asked. He puts his hands on my back and pushes me forward so that I'm on my knees. I rest on my elbows instead of my hands and let him put it back inside me from the back. I don't know my favorite position yet. I like them all. He rests both his hands on my waist, holding me still. He starts slamming it in and out of me so hard that I almost fall forward. I regain my balance and bite a pillow.

"Ohhh… god." I breathe harder. "Oh god.. oh god…" His hand reaches up and strokes my hair for a brief moment before ripping it out of the ponytail it was in. I shake my head so that it flows, and he grips it. I usually HATE when people pull my hair, but it doesn't bother me so much when it's him. He grabs my thighs and turns me around so that I'm facing him. He picks me up in his arms and stands up. He's so strong. "…Where you taking me, baby?"

"Nowhere…" He pushes my back against the wall and pushes back inside me. He bends his knees slightly and starts fucking me LITERALLY up the wall. I like how he's not afraid to be rough with me. My right leg stays down while he holds my left leg up. I bounce slightly on my tip toe. He grunts and holds my arms to the wall with his hands. He will NOT let me move my arms. "You really know how to take a dick…" He kisses me hard.

I feel like I'm in some kind of porno. I bawl my hands up into fists to bear with the pleasure. "….Harder…."

He shakes his head with a smirk. "Alright." He lets my hands go and grabs my other leg. Every single inch that can possibly go inside me is inside me. He pushes upwards, thrusting a million times per minute. He reaches down and teases my clit with his thumb, as if he's not fucking me good enough. I moan at that, finally. He smirks again. "Found your favorite position… you like the wall…" He switches positions with me so that his back is against the wall. He holds me tight and moves me up and down FAST.

"OH GOD! OHHHH MY GOD…." I bite my lip hard. "JOE….. JOE, I'M GO…. GONNA…." I grab his back and dig my nails deep into it. "OHHHH MY GOD….." He keeps playing with my clit, like it's a toy or something. "OOOOHHHH….. OHHHH…. A….AHHH!"

"Demi, shhh!" His tone turns serious. "Shh, babe…"

I can't… I really can't. Something's wrong with me. Something's REALLY wrong with me. For a moment, I can't breathe. I can't think. I can't even hear. A wave of hot air just comes over me. Sweat drips from my brow and into my eye. Every single part of me is on 200. I can't stop shaking. I can't stop screaming. "AHHH… AHHH…. AH….. AHHHHH!"

"Demi!"

I purse my lips to keep quiet, but I really can't. "OH MY FUCKING….." He stops thrusting in and out and kisses me, more to get me to shut my mouth than to be passionate. I just moan into his mouth. "MMMMMM!"

He pulls out and holds me against him. "Baby, you HAVE to be quiet! Shhh!"

I bite my lip again. I'm calming down. I'm calm… I'm calm.

He kisses me on my cheek. "Shh, baby…. Shh…" I'm calming down…. He rubs my back softly and kneels back down to the pile of covers we fucked up. I'm so tired all of a sudden. I'm SO tired. "Shhh…" He puts me down on my quilt. I put my head on my pillow. "You can sleep…" He whispers to me.

"…I…not tired." I lie.

"Yes you are." He kisses me on my lips. "Go to sleep…"

"….I love you…"

"I love you too." He kisses me again. "…'Not a screamer' my ass. You made my ears ring…"

I smile softly and shut my eyes. "Shut up… dirty-talker."

"I'd rather be a dirty-talker than a squirter."

"….I don't squirt when I cum!"

"Yes you do, babe. It got all over me."

"…Then why was it all white when it… when it was coming out, it was white!"

"That was probably mine coming out of you. You're definitely a squirter. And I love it."

"You came?"

"Mhm…"

"Without pulling out?"

"Can't get you pregnant."

"…I forgot."

"…Let's go to sleep, babe."

"…Yeah."

I can't believe this actually happened.

And I'm so glad it did.