Note: thanks for the review, and to those who read :)

As the next couple of weeks passed Jeff noticed a change in Dixie. She was becoming more absent minded, her thoughts turning towards the trial. Her nightmares had increased, although they weren't the usual ones, these ones were based on the trial itself and the gunmen being freed.

On the morning that the trial began Jeff and Dixie left the house ready to go to court. Jeff had tried to persuade Dixie not to go. She was not needed to give evidence and he didn't want her having to sit see them again, let alone revive everything that had happened. Dixie however had been adamant that she want to attend, she thought it might help her properly come to terms with everything, even if it was painful.

Arriving at the courthouse they were shown into a small room with a television in it. Dixie hadn't wanted to be in the same room as the men, so sitting down with Jeff by her side she waited for it all to begin.

As the morning progressed evidence was shown and the first gunman was questioned. Describing the burglary and the need to call the ambulance the gunman was soon questioned about the attack on Dixie.

'Please describe in your own words exactly what happened between you and Mrs Collier' the barrister began.

Dixie held Jeff's hand even tighter, Jeff wrapping his other arm around her. He might not have been able to protect her then, but he could hold her now. They both knew that the gunmen would admit to the rape, after all there was so much evidence they had no choice but to plead guilty. They were however worried that the gunmen might try to show remorse to get their sentences reduced.

The gunman had paused for a few moments before beginning to speak.

'After we had got the money from the safe we separated the paramedics, didn't want him getting in the way'

'You mean Mr Collier?'

'Yeah'

'And how did you separate Mr Collier from Mrs Collier?'

'By gun point. He was led outside onto the landing and then his hands were tied to the radiator with plastic ties'.

'Is it true that in this position you later kicked him?'

'Yes'

'Why did you feel the need to kick him when he was unable to defend himself?'

'To remind him who was boss. He was getting a bit gobby you see'

'What did he say?'

'Not to touch a single hair on her head'.

'And you didn't like this?'

'No, I thought I'd wind him up, get her naked and show him what we were going to do to his precious wife'.

'And did you know at this point that she was a lesbian? That she had never slept with a man in her life? That their marriage was purely emotional?'

'No'

'So by stripping Mrs Collier naked and showing her off to Mr Collier, you were not only stripping her of her clothes but also her dignity as he had never seen her naked before. You also removed her choice to never sleep with a man. How does this make you feel?'

'I wish it had never happened. I instantly regretted what I had done' the gunman said, hanging his head.

'Liar' Jeff said angrily, holding Dixie even tighter.

Dixie had not taken her eyes off the screen during the whole proceedings, her eyes fixed to the man that had attacked her. Now however they were beginning to blur with the tears that were beginning to spill. She was glad that Jeff was by her side, making her feel safe. She felt him kiss her head as the rape was described in detail, photos of her cuts and bruises shown. Then the court was cleared. Cleared of all public spectators and non essential people. Cleared because the hidden camera footage that was to play such a key part in this trial was about to be shown.

'Do you want to turn the monitor off for a moment?' Jeff asked, not sure that she should experience the attack all over again.

'No, but you can go outside if you want' Dixie replied wiping her eyes, knowing that it would be tough for Jeff to watch. He had only heard it the first time - this would be matching the screaming that he remembered to the sight of his wife being hurt.

'No Dix, I couldn't be with you then but I'm not leaving you now' Jeff said holding her close and planting another kiss on her head.

As the footage was shown Jeff watched as his wife stripped at gun point. He watched her climb onto the bed and saw the gunman crawling on top of her, forcibly spreading her legs and grabbing hold of her arms. He watched as the silent footage showed the screaming that he remembered. Reading her lips, he could match the image he could see with the 'NO' that he could remember her screaming over and over again. He could remember the sound of his name being screamed, the name that he could now see on her lips. He watched as the man forced himself into her and roughly raped her, all the time her face showing the pain and fear that she was experiencing.

Tears began to fall from Jeff's eyes. Seeing what they were doing to his beautiful wife, his kind, innocent, amazing wife broke his heart, and he was reminded of how grateful he was that he had been there, to hold her, dress her and care for her during her darkest hour.

Dixie looked up when she heard Jeff's cries.

'Come here' she said, pulling him in close, both holding each other as tight as they possibly could, rivers of tears running down each of their faces.

'I'm sorry I couldn't stop them' he muttered into her shoulder.

'You did everything you could. Your voice was the only thing that got me through it. Hearing you, knowing I wasn't alone, it helped'.

'I didn't know if you could hear me or not'.

Dixie pulled back, quickly wiping away her tears before gently wiping away Jeff's. 'I could, and it meant more to me than you will ever possibly know'. Jeff just smiled at her before looking back at the screen. Seeing that the second gunman was about to take his turn raping Dixie Jeff turned away and took his wife's face in his hands, slowly leaning in and gently kissing her lips.

'I hate everything they did to you' Jeff said simply, another tear escaping.

'But that doesn't mean you have to hate yourself. You didn't let them do it, they held a gun to you. I would rather you were alive to help me through it than being killed for some sort of heroics that probably wouldn't have made any difference anyway. Whatever way you look at it, I needed you and you were there. Don't cry handsome' Dixie finished, wiping his cheek with her thumb.

'I'm sorry, it should be me comforting you' Jeff replied, wiping his face with his hands, trying to compose himself.

'No, you have held me so much when I have been scared or upset. It is my turn to care for you. We're a team remember'. After she said this, Dixie pulled Jeff in for another hug, gently stroking the back of his head with her hand whilst whispering how much she loved him into his ear. If he was in pain or upset about what had happened then she wanted to know. She wanted to comfort and protect him the way that he did her.

'It just hurts you know. Every time you get scared, every time you cry, it hurts. It reminds me of everything they did to you. It's like the college shooting all over again - me just sitting there doing nothing to stop it, just picking up the pieces afterwards'.

'Jeff you can't keep blaming yourself. You couldn't have saved them, you couldn't have protected me. Would you blame me if it was the other way around'.

'That's different'.

'Would you blame me?!'

'You know I wouldn't'.

'Then don't blame yourself'.

Jeff just shook his head gently.

'I mean it. Look, look at the footage, tell me what you could have done to help'.

The court was now being shown the aftermath of the rape. Dixie crawling about on her hands and knees, all the while following Jeff's instructions.

'You were tied up. I had to cut you free. If you could have stopped them then I know you would have. But you couldn't, and this is proof of that so stop blaming yourself. You were the one who got me through it. You were the one who helped me get the scissors to cut us free. You were the one who dressed me when I couldn't dress my self. You did all these things because you could, because you needed to, so I know that if there was any way that you could have stopped them then you would have'.

Jeff just looked at her. He knew what she was saying made sense. Watching the footage he saw that all his 'ifs' and 'maybes' came to nothing. There really was nothing he could have done. He'd just needed Dixie to help him see that.

Dixie saw the realisation in his eyes. She saw that he finally believed her. 'Come here handsome' she said, wrapping her arms around him, feeling his head lower into the crook of her neck. She knew that Jeff had been the strong one for far too long and now it was time for him to be listened to and reassured, to be made to feel loved and protected and she felt honoured to be able to do that for him like he had done for her so many times before.

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As the day passed, Jeff and Dixie stayed in that small room watching the trial unfold. There had been times when they cried, times when Jeff got angry and times when they smiled at their barristers line of questioning. By the end of the day they were both feeling drained and made their way home in silence.

Laying in bed that night, Dixie looked into Jeff's eyes and began to speak.

'I've been thinking' she said slowly.

'About what?'.

'Us...the gunmen'.

'What about us and the gunmen?'.

'Well I think I might be ready to sleep with you'.

'What?' Jeff asked, not quite believing what she was saying.

'Not tonight, we're both too tired, but soon. I want to do it when I can still see them in court. I want to be able to look at them and know that they haven't won, that they haven't destroyed me'.

'Dix' Jeff started, looking deep into her eyes. 'Don't do it too soon. Don't let them push you into doing it. I want to make love to you when YOU are ready, not because you want to prove a point'.

'I know, but I think that it might help. You know, show me that I'm in control not them'.

Jeff was worried. He knew that if that was what she really wanted then he couldn't say no, he couldn't take that choice away from her. He didn't want her to feel like he was rejecting her, but he still feared that it was too soon. That she wasn't ready. He feared that if she couldn't do it then it would knock her confidence even further, make her feel that they had won, and instead of looking at them and thinking that she was in control, all she would really feel would be self loathing and a fear that she might never be ready.

'Princess I'll support you whatever you decide, but to be honest I'm really worried it's too soon. What if you try and just can't face it. How will you feel then?' Jeff had to tell her the truth, he wanted no secrets between them on this.

'I know, but what if I can and I don't'.

'Dix, you're making this sound like a chore. I know you want to do this but surely you should be doing it because you want to sleep with me, not because you want to prove something to them'.

'I do want to sleep with you. I want to love you like a wife should, but I also want to prove to them and myself that I can'.

'And you want our first time to be about them?' Jeff knew it sounded harsh but he wanted to make love to her because she wanted it too, not because she felt she had to.

'No of course I don't. That's not what I meant'.

'Well then wait, until you're truly sure that you're ready'.

'I can't do that Jeff. I need closure. Please'.

Jeff just looked at her in the darkness. He knew that he had to let her try because if he didn't she would regret it for the rest of her life. But he also knew that he would have to be prepared to hold her, love her and comfort her if it all went wrong.

'Ok' he said quietly.

'Thank you' she replied, giving him a quick kiss on the lips before pulling back, taking his hand in hers and closing her eyes.

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A couple of days later, Dixie lay in bed in the early morning light, looking at her husband.

Hearing their pre alarm go off Jeff woke up.

'Morning sweetheart' Dixie said, as Jeff leant over and switched it off.

'Morning' he said, closing his eyes. The next alarm was set for thirty minutes time and the final one in an hour, just enough time to have a bit more kip.

'Today's the day' Dixie said quietly, looking at Jeff's face on the pillow next to her.

'For what?' He mumbled, not bothering to open his eyes.

'For us to try sleeping together'.

'I am trying to sleep' Jeff complained, not wanting to get into that conversation again.

'Jeff be serious'.

Jeff opened his eyes and turned his head to look at his wife. 'I'm not sure'.

'Please. Before we go to court this morning. We have an hour'.

'I don't want to do it against the clock. Let's do it tonight eh?'.

'Well then let's turn all the alarms off, turn the clock around and just enjoy ourselves. We can get to court a bit late if necessary'.

Jeff knew that he couldn't change her mind. Leaning over he turned all the alarms off on his phone and turned the clock to face the wall.

'Are you sure?' He asked.

'Yes' Dixie replied.

Pushing the duvet aside, Jeff turned and leant over Dixie, kissing her slowly whilst putting his hand under her top and feeling her breasts. Dixie responded in turn, gently lifting his t-shirt up his back and over his head, breaking the kiss.

Sitting up Dixie took off her own pyjama top before shuffling out of her bottoms and helping Jeff out of his.

Reaching her hand down, she gently wrapped it around his penis and began to move it up and down, coaxing him to life.

'You're getting good at that' Jeff said, starting to get in the mood before lowering his own hand in between her legs.

'You're not too bad yourself' Dixie said, beginning to enjoy the movement of his fingers.

After nearly ten minutes of preparation Jeff knew that by the sound of Dixie's soft moans as well as being able to feel that she was well lubricated, they were both physically ready to move on.

After enjoying Dixie's hand on him for a couple more seconds Jeff let out a low groan before removing it.

'Are you sure Dix?' He asked, holding her hand and looking her deep in the eyes.

'Yes' she responded.

'Tell me if you want to stop or you are uncomfortable in any way' he said, trying to reassure her.

'I will' she replied, beginning to feel a little bit nervous.

Opening his bedside drawer, Jeff pulled out the packet of condoms he had left over from his relationship with Mel. Taking one out, he unwrapped it before putting it on and looking back at Dixie.

'How do you want to do this?' He asked.

'I don't really know what I'm doing from now on so how about you take the lead. You go on top, if you can with the cast'.

'Ok' Jeff said, moving in between her legs. Leaning down he kissed her gently before, pulling back and stroking her cheek. Taking his penis her gently guided it to her opening and began to very slowly push inside, never taking his eyes off her face.

'Are you ok?' He asked, watching her begin to breath deeply.

'Yes, keep going'.

Jeff did as he was told until he was fully inside her, pausing to let her adjust.

Dixie hadn't known what to expect, but it was more painful than she had thought it would be. She remembered the feeling of being filled from last time, and remembered the weight of having a man on top of her. Her mind was racing, flicking between the horrible familiarity of what was happening and the knowledge that it was Jeff and that she was safe.

'Give me a moment' she said, her hand taking his arm, wanting to feel, see and hear as much of Jeff as possible. She didn't want to forget for even a second where she was or who she was with.

'If you want to stop-' Jeff began.

'No' Dixie cut in, she could do this, she knew she could.

'Dix' Jeff said gently.

'No I'm fine, I'm ready' Dixie replied, trying to persuade him.

Jeff wasn't convinced but if she said she wanted to continue then he didn't feel like there was much that he could do. He didn't want to stop her after how brave she had been so far.

Pulling back slowly he began to thrust gently, enjoying the feeling of being inside his wife. Never taking his eyes off hers, he watched for any indication that she might want to stop. After a few minutes though he began to relax and set a slow but steady rhythm. Moaning gently, he closed his eyes as he enjoyed the sensations running through his body.

Dixie looked up at Jeff, she knew how gentle he was being but even so, it was difficult for her to stand. She was growing used to the feeling of him inside her, but feeling his weight above her, the breath on her face, was all becoming too much. The memories were flooding back quickly and although she knew it was Jeff, her mind was screaming to stop, to get away. Hearing him moan she could tell he was enjoying it, she could see the pleasure on his face, and although she tried to look relaxed, inside she wanted nothing more than to ask him to stop.

'Please stop please stop please stop' she silently begged, hoping he would finish soon. She wanted to push him off, kick him away, she was beginning to panic and she didn't know what to do. She was beginning to lose her sense of reality, her mind flashing back to images of the men on top of her. A tear sliding down her face she became too scared to speak, she couldn't trust her voice and she was frightened that Jeff wouldn't hear her, or that he couldn't stop if the did.

Terrified, Dixie lifted her hands and began to push hard at Jeff's chest, her legs writhing around as she tried to break free, just wanting to get him off.

Opening his eyes Jeff could see and feel the panic in Dixie and pulled out immediately, climbing off as fast as he could.

Dixie leapt off the bed and ran out of the room, not sure where she was going but just knowing that she had to get away.

'Shit' Jeff said to himself, lying back on the bed, hands covering his face. Sitting up he knew that he had to find her, but that he also had to be cautious. He didn't know what she was thinking or where her mind was. He didn't know if she would welcome his comfort or if his presence would scare her even more.

Rolling off the condom, he put his t-shirt and pyjama bottoms back on. He was worried that his nakedness might scare her and figured that she would feel safer if they were both clothed.

Picking up her pyjamas, he grabbed his crutches and walked out onto the landing. Hearing movement downstairs, he slowly headed down, not wanting to do anything that might scare her. Realising that the sound was coming from the lounge Jeff walked up to the closed door and knocked.

On hearing no answer Jeff began to speak. 'Dix, can I come in?'.

He was tempted to open the door himself, but knew that Dixie was scared and that he had to respect all of her boundaries, including a closed door. After all, if being in there alone made her feel safe then that is how it would stay until she said otherwise.

'Dix please. I'm not angry Princess. I just want to check that you're ok'.

Dixie stood in the lounge, tears slipping down her face, in front of the sofa that she had slid against the door to stop him getting in if he tried.

She knew that he wouldn't hurt her but at the minute her mind wouldn't let her believe it. She was petrified and the fear that she had felt when she entered the room was the same as that of being chased. The feeling that she might get caught at any second and that she had to work as fast as she could to stop him following her in. Ultimately, her survival instincts had taken over.

'Please don't try to come in' she begged, her heart pounding, and her body shaking. She was worried that the sofa wouldn't be heavy enough and was prepared to use her full force to keep it in position if Jeff tried to enter.

'Ok I won't, I promise' Jeff said, hearing the fear in her voice. 'But can I talk to you through the door?'.

Dixie didn't answer. She just stood there crying feeling so scared and so alone.

Jeff took the silence as permission and began to try and reassure her.

'I'm not angry, I don't want to hurt you. I just want to know that you're ok. I know you're scared but remember where you are. You're safe. It's just you, me and Little Abs. No-one will harm you here'.

Dixie listened to his voice, it was the same one he had used after the attack. Soft and reassuring.

'Can you tell me if you're hurt?' Jeff asked, praying that he hadn't accidentally harmed her in any way.

Dixie just looked down at herself. Physically she was fine. Although it had initially hurt, Jeff hadn't hurt her. He had been very careful, very gentle.

'No, I'm not hurt' Dixie said quietly.

Jeff let out the breath that he had been holding, he would never have forgiven himself if he had damaged her in any way.

'Ok, that's good' he replied, before continuing. 'I have your pyjamas here when you're ready. I am wearing mine too. I promise you, I just want to check that you're ok. I won't touch you if you don't want me to'.

Dixie listened to his voice. She knew it was a voice she could trust. She was scared but she knew if anyone could make her feel safe it was Jeff. Slowly, she began to push the sofa back to its original position before walking up to the door and tentatively opening it to see Jeff on the other side, pyjamas in hand.

'Hello Princess' Jeff smiled softly, whilst taking in her tear stained face and shaking body. His heart was breaking but he knew that he couldn't let that show. He had to be strong for her, had to act as if everything was ok.

'Would you like your pyjamas?' he asked.

Dixie nodded and took them from him before closing the door and putting them on. Realistically she knew that Jeff wouldn't hurt her, and yet in her current state she was too scared to put them on in front of him, fearing that if she took her eyes off him for one second, he might try and touch or grab her.

When she had dressed she opened the door again.

'Can I come in?' Jeff asked quietly.

Dixie nodded and moved out of the way.

Entering the room, Jeff decided that she might feel more comfortable if he was sitting down. He was already less mobile due to his cast and figured that if he was sitting down Dixie would feel safer knowing that she could get away at any moment without him having time to stop her.

Going to sit on the old two seater, Jeff noticed that Dixie never took her eyes off of him. This fear and lack of trust hurt him more than she would ever know but he could also understand it. She was scared and although it hadn't been him who raped her, it was him who had reminded her of them. Him who had been sleeping with her until just a short while ago, and as far as she was probably concerned, it was him who for all she knew could still be in the mood and might want to try it on.

For Jeff though it felt like he had raped her, he had put her in this state, the worst since the attack itself and although it was her that had wanted to go through with it, it was him that she was now scared of.

'You know I just want to make sure that you're ok, don't you?' Jeff asked, looking up at her standing a few metres away.

'Yes' she whispered through the tears.

'Can you tell me what happened?' He asked gently.

'I got scared'.

'Was it something I did?'

'No'.

'Then what happened Princess? Why did you get scared?'.

'It just all felt too familiar. Your weight on me and your breath on my face. I started to get confused. I began to forget...' Dixie started sobbing and Jeff wanted nothing more to take her in his arms like he had done so many times before, but he knew that he couldn't.

'You began to forget that it was me?'

Dixie nodded, looking at him through her tears. She needed to be held and although she was still scared she knew she could trust Jeff. She had crumbled in his arms many times before and she knew that if she let him, he would hold her until she was soothed.

Tentatively walking forward, Dixie sat down on the sofa next to Jeff and began to lean against him.

'Can I hold you?' He asked, wanting to gain her permission before touching her.

'Please' she cried, and within a flash Jeff had his arms around her and her head against his chest.

'Shhh. It's ok, you're ok' he soothed, rubbing her back with his hand, his head leaning against the top of hers, a few small tears beginning to trickle from his own eyes.

'I'm sorry' she cried, her hands clinging to his t-shirt.

'You have nothing to be sorry about' he said, stroking her hair and kissing the top of her head.

He knew he should have refused, made her wait, but he also knew that whatever he had said or done, she would always have wanted to try.

'I thought I could do it' she wept, her body shaking.

'I know you did. But this doesn't mean you can't. It just means not yet' Jeff said, trying to console her. The last thing he wanted was for her to feel like a failure.

'But what if I forget it's you again. What if I can never manage it' she cried desperately.

'Well next time you can try going on top, it will be different that way and might not feel so similar. You will be in total control and hopefully it will provide you with good memories'.

'But what if it doesn't? What if I'm still reminded of them?'.

'Then I will hold you like I am now, and when you feel ready we'll try another way. Dix, we'll keep trying until you manage it or until you want to stop. You are already comfortable with me touching you and you touching me, so if that's as far as we can ever get then that's fine by me. It's still making love, just in a different way'.

Dixie began to calm down, and relaxed into Jeff.

Jeff was curious as to why she had let it get that far if she wasn't enjoying it. He had told her to tell him if she felt uncomfortable and couldn't understand why she hadn't. Waiting until she stopped crying, Jeff began to speak.

'Dixie, why didn't you tell me to stop?'.

Not wanting to look at him, Dixie spoke into his chest. 'Because I thought that I could do it and I could see that you were enjoying it. I was worried that I had let you get too far and that you wouldn't be able to'.

Jeff let out a sad sigh and tilted her head to face him. 'You must tell me to stop as soon as you become uncomfortable. I don't care how much I'm enjoying it, I could never enjoy it if I thought that you weren't. And as for thinking that I wouldn't be able to stop, I'm not them Dix. If you tell me to stop then I will, I thought you knew that by now. I don't care if I'm about to orgasm, or actually am for that matter, as soon as you tell me to stop I will, please don't ever forget that'.

Dixie leant up and kissed him gently on the lips, feeling Jeff wipe the old tears from her cheeks with his thumbs.

'Thank you. I love you' she said, putting her arms around him for a hug.

'I love you too' Jeff replied, holding his fragile wife so tightly.

When Dixie pulled back Jeff began to question her again, wanting to find out exactly where her boundaries had been.

'At what point did you start feeling uncomfortable Princess?'.

'It was a bit painful when you first entered me, but I think that was just lack of experience. It all started to feel a bit too familiar then as well, but I got used to it, it was you actually being on top of me that scared me the most, that was the biggest reminder.

Jeff thought for a moment. 'Ok well because I'm the first bloke you've ever had sex with it's going to be a little bit painful, after all, for all intents and purposes you're still a virgin, even if you have enjoyed a bountiful sex life with some of the ladies on this planet'.

Dixie smiled, Jeff really did have a way with words!

Jeff saw Dixie's face light up a little, and was pleased that he had managed to cheer her up a bit. 'Seriously though Dix, don't put too much pressure on yourself, we'll get there and next time you can be on top. You've been through so much and I'm so proud of how brave you've been, but just remember you're a virgin, and a raped virgin at that. This is going to take time'.

Dixie knew that what he was saying was true. 'I'm sorry for the way I pushed you off and the fact that you didn't get to finish off' she said, knowing that horrible feeling of being interrupted half way through.

'It's fine Dix, I'm glad you did, just next time don't leave it so long eh. Like I said, making love isn't only about the actual intercourse. We can always take it slowly, try it for a bit and then when you feel like you've had enough we can go back to making love with our hands instead'.

'Thank you'.

'Don't thank me, I'm after any excuse to keep trying, after all the more we try, the more fun we get to have' he winked.

Dixie chuckled, she knew he was trying to make her feel better and it was working. He really was a lovely man!