Hey guys, This is a real emotional one for me, so I hope it gets to you as it did to me. Enjoy and review if you like it =D

December 20th

It's terrible to harbour a secret that threatens to be released, because it's hard to control it. Especially if it's one you're meant to be proud about. It must be named, otherwise it's just something on the inside, just something so exclusive. And then what happens? Life goes on? Then a series of 'what if' questions to boot? It truly is hard to admit to, but to pour your heart out means much more space for it to take in; love, faith, truth, devotion, commitment and honesty. Otherwise, it'd be left hollow.

That was what ran through Logan's mind when he woke up deep in thought. It's hard for a teenager to awake to the realization that they've changed preferences. Down to the bare facts, it was hard to be gay. For anyone, social ridicule is just around the corner, followed by his cronies, abuse and estrangement. Logan was thinking solely of his two best friends. Sure they're happy together, but what relationship would it be if only two people lived in their little world. Is family included, what about friends, and other acquaintances that are members of the social world. What happens then?

Plus, it did kinda hurt thinking that Logan is almost taking his first baby steps into that world. That is, once he's find someone to guide him through at least. He's got his parent's support and his best friends, but if he treads outside, what has he got to survive? Logan was really conflicted in his battle of realization. And what about Kendall.

Kendall, the name lingers in the air like a sweetness for the tongue. It's Logan's sensation of pure satisfaction. It'd be a shame to lose it, like a candy stolen from a baby. No different would it be what the baby would do, Logan would also be crying his eyes out also. Like a wise, yet stupid man once said, and forever says, 'that's life.' No, it's not life to live forever in love. A person is sculpted because of his likes and dislikes, his favours and his thoughts. Why is it that a person is known completely for their preferences. It hurts, to know that just one vague description illustrates a person for life. No, that person has a name. He deserves to be known as a singularity, the individual.

Jolting out of his nightmare, he awoke in a startle in his nice, comfortable, protective bed. Rewinding the thoughts in his head, he thought about James and Carlos. Are they really happy they have each other, awaking everyday to see their families, and controlling their secret. They really need to get this out in the open, and Logan would be there to support them. Calling his two friends he decided to talk to them about it, because now even Logan was having a hard time getting his head about this new world he's going to embark on.

He needs help. Simple as that.

–

Walking down in misery, Logan decided to take her mother up on her offer. Taking all the advice he could get, he'll be able to clear his head a bit. Really now, he doesn't even know what brought this paranoia up in the first place. But it's there, and it won't go away unanswered. His mom saw him walk in with head down and slow steps.

"Honey, is something the matter?" She was immediately at his side, because this is one of the very rare times she'd be able to see this side of Logan. Since it seldomly shows, it's seen as a baby in her eyes. A much younger, vulnerable Logan Mitchell.

"Mom, I need some advice." Logan took in a shuddering breath, sitting down and looked blankly at his mother.

"Sure, honey. You can tell me anything." She placed a worried hand on his shoulder.

"Do you see me as... gay?" Logan struggled to say, coming out of his lips. His mom looked at him so wide eyed, shocked and a tiny bit scared at the same time.

"Well, honey, um..." She paused, taking in the greater news in her son's life, but she had to speak the truth, "No, not really. You're not gay." Logan stared incredulously at her, wondering what was going through her mind.

"But wait, Logan. It's because I don't think you're generally gay. You are still the kind, warm hearted, loving, caring son I raised and loved. And it's because you are in love with Kendall. Not just some random guy. This Kendall, he's real special to you. You would not be expressing so much love to any other guy or girl out there. This is all going to one person. And I wouldn't care in the world it'd be a boy or a girl, because you're already loving a boy and a girl. You're dad and me." Logan looked up, with big, fat tears building in his eyes. If it was any message, Logan wanted to tell his mom how much he loved her, that words couldn't even express, so he let the tears go.

"You're not gay because you like a guy. You are Logan H. Mitchell, because you love Kendall Knight. And don't you ever sell yourself short like that thinking that way." She kissed his forehead, letting it linger there for a long time, letting him see how much she meant every word she said. Logan just rubbed furiously at each drop that fell. Reaching out for a tissue, he tried to wipe away all pints of despair and doubt as he blew into it.

"So, you would not care if I said I'm in love with Kendall?" Logan collected himself before looking at his mother, who smiled real warm and reassuring at him.

"Honey, if you didn't, I'd be saying, 'where's my son and what have you done with him?'" She tried to joke, which really worked on Logan, because he became the boy of a million smiles again.

"Thank you so much, mom. I-I'm still confused though, but you really helped." He got up and gave a tight embrace to her mom, who gave a same, if not harder one, full of love back.

"You're welcome honey, but if I may ask, what brought all this up in the first place?" She went over to the coffee machine to make a fresh brew for her to drink.

"Well, I was wondering what it would be like if I did say that I love Kendall. And we got together. I mean, well James and Carlos are together, but from what I know, neither has told any friends or family yet. And I was wondering if I'd end up in the same world as them too. Without friends or family." Logan looked down in despair, but met her mother's warm eyes again when she made him.

"For one, I didn't even know about that, so I'm very mad at you." She tried to joke with him, and again it worked. She's really slow on the know, "Secondly, I'm sure that they haven't told them for their own reason. I mean, they must still be a new couple right? So it's totally okay for them to take it slowly. It doesn't mean that their love is no lesser because of it. Perhaps talking about this kind of stuff would mean that they'd gain greater love for one another, to accept each others worlds. So please, just let your mind wander off this topic, until you'd need to think about it thoroughly. You worry too much for your own good, boy," She poured herself a cup of coffee when she was done. Logan still remained silent as he now started picking and chewing at his breakfast.

"You know, when your dad and I met, we didn't even admit our feelings until the first few months. And let me tell ya, it was hard for us. We were just as conflicting as you are, but when we decided what our course of action was, everything turned out puppy dogs and rainbows. I promise you, Logan, no matter what you do, you will always have us to support you with." She placed a tender hand on his shoulder, who relaxed under the feeling.

"Okay thanks mom. Now I just need to talk to James and Carlos about all this."

"Now, about this 'not telling me' stuff..."

–

Biting at his nails nervously, which was a pretty nasty habit to have, Logan sat down in his lounge awaiting the arrival of the happy couple that he calls his friends. He dialed both of them up, fortunately that they were together, saying that there was an urgent emergency that Logan is going through, and needed help with. And like great friends, they were going to be there in an instant.

For now, Logan relaxed into his seat, watching his show, where one of the characters is an out gay boy, living amongst a hating, prejudice society. And like an instant, his insecurities and fears surged like wildfire in his system. It was one of those moments when it's hard to control. Really raw and animistic, because it's one of those things that have never been developed yet.

Jumping out of his seat at the sound of the bell, he quickly escorted his two friends inside, and let an awkward silence take it's toll. James looked at Carlos, and he did the same, before both looking directly at Logan, who seemed to be panicking.

"Okay guys, this isn't some kinda life-or-death situations, and it wasn't all that urgent. It's just... something on my mind lately, and I feel it's important to me. Please, sit down guys." Logan said platonic like, scurrying in front of them, stressed out of his mind. He clawed at his head in nervousness and awkwardness. This was not some everyday conversation, no, this was some heavy, serious stuff going on here.

"What's going on, Logan. Are we in trouble? Are you in trouble?" Carlos broke the tension that thickened in the air. Logan looked at them and saw how they were holding their hands, so freely and an expression of love. It was painful for Logan to see.

"No, nothing's happened. I just.." Logan let out a shaky breath, he didn't even know he held onto, "I need you guys help and it's hard for me to talk about it."

"Logan, you can tell us anything that's going on, we're not going to look at you any differently. Beside, I think I know what's going on," James said with a smirk, thinking about how cute it was for Logan to be all bashful and embarrassed about something so small.

"Yeah, well, you do James, so lemme tell Carlos about it." Logan tried to be tough to say this, as he sat down next to said boy.

"What is it Logan?" Carlos asked innocently, and curiously.

"Well," Logan sighed and continued, once he regained control, "I'm in love with Kendall." This earned an overly dramatic gasp from the smaller boy, but the taller one behind him just smiled at the both of them; at Carlos' adorable look, and proudly at Logan for his confession.

"Wow, Logan, I did not know that. But, that's great. It's better than great, it's fantastic, come here," Carlos proceeded to bear hug Logan, one of the greatest things that makes him Carlos.

"I have a feeling that that's not the problem you're dealing with." James interrupted, causing the two friends to separate and Logan to go back into a sadness state.

"Yeah, and that's why I kinda called you guys over here for." Logan rubbed at his neck, awkwardly staring at his two friends before standing up to relieve his tension by pacing around the room.

"Look guys, I know it was kind of a big shock to me to hear about you two, but I am real accepting of it. Well, I kinda have to be, otherwise I'd be a big, fat hypocrite. But, I'm really glad for you guys." Logan said truthfully as he looked towards the two, who smiled at one another. "The problem is how to deal with it. You guys, you've entered this so easy for you two, and I was just wondering how you've dealt with it so far. Cause for me, it's not really working, without having to over think things"

"Well then, don't over think things then Logan. Simple as that." Leave it to Carlos to respond to things like that.

"I wish I could, but don't you ever wander?" Touching his point, Logan found a new strength to look at them.

"About what?"

"I dunno. Telling your parents and family for one, friends too, and just, you know, admitting your feelings to the whole wide world. And most of all, being honest with yourself. I've only got you guys to look onto but really, you guys haven't really helped me at all."

"Whoa whoa, calm down, Logan. Who says we won't be doing all those things eventually. Logan, we're just as new to this as you are, you've got to take it slow." James tried to reassure Logan, bringing him to the lounge.

"Yeah, but you guys have loved each other from the start of everything. So have I but my start is like 3 weeks ago. You guys have met since second grade, and who knows how long ago you started feeling this way." Logan tried to exaggerate the little, excruciating details that meant absolutely nothing to the couple in front of him.

"Logan, It's been a real shock to me too to face all this, but know that you're not alone. You've been there for us, heck, if it wasn't for you, this," meaning James and Carlos, "wouldn't have happened at all. So don't stress on the details. We'll be there, and we'd hope you would be there for us when that time does happen," Carlos wrapped an arm around him and laid his head on his shoulder, showing him that he has comfort. James followed suit on his other side, and together they embraced each other the best they can, taking as much pain as they could endure so the comfort could seep in.

Being together like this, it was really one of those cherished moments, Logan wished he could be in this hold forever, just him and his friends. Well, honestly that he'd rather be in Kendall's hold, but his two friends, filled with love were just as deserving. Now it could be felt like anything could be accomplished. He was going to do this. He deserved it. It was his Christmas.