Aaaaaaaaaaaaand we're back! It took me a while to update, so we're getting some Shiro lovin' since we haven't been in his POV for a lil while. I hope everyone had a good New Year! I also noticed that I haven't been putting the songs in each chapter like I normally do, so tell me: would you rather me put just a sad song at the beginning of each chapter, or have a song that applies to what's in the chapter but not on each one? Let me know because I'm 100% torn. Anywho, on with the story!

"So I'm not returning to school?"

I'm sitting with Sophie and Greg in the living room, discussing my transition from the hospital. They have papers from my therapist sitting on the coffee table between my chair and the sofa they're sitting on.

"No, you are, but only for about a week and a half. Then you're going to a post-hospitalization program and being homeschooled for a little bit. After you've gone through sufficient treatment, we're gonna see if you're ready to return to school physically. You already missed a lot of the quarter, but it's only the first semester," Sophie says.

I nod slowly. "So...what happens if I spend the rest of the school year in treatment? Will I not graduate?"

Greg shakes his head. "Since you'll be homeschooled, you're still going to get your classwork done. So, yeah, you're gonna graduate,"

"And, Shiro, sweetie, you're not going to be in treatment the whole year. You have over half of it left! You only missed...three weeks. That's less than you'd miss if you had mono, or whatever," Sophie adds with a supportive smile.

"That's a lot of school! God, I'm probably failing everything and they're not gonna give me enough time to finish it and then I'm not gonna graduate because I saved my stupid music class that I have to take for this year and-"

"Sweetie," Sophie says softly, placing a gentle hand on my knee, "You're going to be fine,"

"But...what if I fail everything?" I ask. I'm sure I sound pathetic.

"What if you don't?" Greg says.

I sigh and shrug. "So, come Monday - which is tomorrow - I'm going back to school?"

They share a glance and nod. "I know it's not ideal, but you're gonna be able to make it. Adam said he can drive you there so you don't have to take the bus, and he'll pick you up to. Doesn't that sound nice?" Sophie says perkily.

Ah, the ever-famous 'doesn't that sound nice' quote, straight from every cliche supportive mother's mouth.

"Sounds great," I sigh.

With that, I walk up the stairs to my bedroom. Adam is inside, vigorously taking down notes from a YouTube video. He looks up when I walk in.

"I take it you're going back t school tomorrow?" He asks kindly, pausing the video and turning his full attention towards me.

I nod, already feeling the stress making my heart pang. "Yeah," I croak out. As much as I'm trying to to let this bother me, it's really putting me on edge.

Adam sets his notebook aside and walks over to me, sitting me down on the bed. "You can make it through a week and a half, you know. You already made it through twelve years, including kindergarten,"

"I guess," I mumble. I take my hands from my lap and run them through my hair, a telltale sign of stress.

"Hey." Adam pulls my hands and holds them his his (slightly smaller) hands. "You're gonna be okay. And if you aren't, I can pick you up and we can talk about it, okay? I-look at me,"

I shift my gaze up from my shoes and meet his beautiful forest green eyes.

"The counselor is going to give you a special pass that you can show to your teachers whenever you just need to...get away. Get some fresh air, whatever. It'll mean you can go straight to the counselors office and sit there for a little bit - you don't even have to talk about what happens if you don't want to. And if your bad thoughts come in and you can't fight them, just call me and I'll pick you up. Remember, you can always call me and I will always come pick you up. Okay?" Adam presses his lips to my knuckles.

I shake my head, trying to force myself not to cry out of fear of the stress. I don't want to get overwhelmed again. I don't want to have to leave everyone again, and have to have those phone calls again.

[Flashback]

The phone rings. And keeps ringing. I find myself wondering if he'll even bother to pick up. Tears already fill my eyes, just as they have for the last few hours. I'm sitting in my pajamas, since that's what I was taken to the ER in. They consist of a pair of sweatpants with the nae f my school down the side of the left leg, and a purple sweatshirt that Adam got made for me when I turned fifteen.

I take a deep breath, ready to hear the beep and a robotic lady telling me that he's not available. Suddenly -

"Hello?"

I choke out a sob, letting his name out brokenly. "Adam," I croak.

"I-Takashi? What's wrong? Whose phone are you calling from?" He asks from the other end of the phone.

"Th-the hospital's..." I whisper, feeling hot tears cascade down my cheeks.

"The hospital's phone? Takashi, what happened?" Worry laces his voice, and I can imagine his eyebrows furrowing in worry.

"D-do you remember when I told you I didn't care anymore? That I didn't want you in my life? That we should leave that part of our relationship behind and forget about each other?" I cry.

"Yeah, but...Takashi what happened? You sound hysterical,"

I let out a few more sobs and try to get enough breath to tell him. "I-I didn't mean those things. I didn't. I didn't I swear. I'm so sorry I ever said them I just...I didn't want to hurt you," I trail off, my voice growing small.

"You didn't want to hurt me? Takashi this isn't like you. Are you in trouble? Do you need me to come pick you up?"

I shake my head. Then, remembering he can't see me, I say, "I wish you could,"

"Okay, you're scaring me now. Please, Takashi. Where are you?"

I choke out a sob. "I'm in the hospital,"

"Takaski..." Adam says gently.

"I-I tried to kill myself. That's why I wanted you to forget about me. Because I didn't want to hurt you by leaving forever while we were together. I wanted you to remember me as the jerk who used you and then disappeared, rather than the boy you gave the world to who threw it away,"

"I could never hate you, you know that right? Even if you did break my heart - which is exactly what happened - i'd still mourn and cry until I couldn't breathe. We've been together for years, Takashi. Did you really think you could make it all disappear in one go?"

"No," I sob into the phone. Out of the corner of my eye I can see some of the other patients looking at me sympathetically, but without judgement.

"Oh my god. Oh. My. God. Takashi, listen to me, I'm only saying this once, I know now you didn't want to say those things. You just wanted me to get away before you hurt me. I-" Adam breaks down into tears on the other end of the phone, I can tell.

"Ad-Adam! I'm-please - I'm so sorry!"

"You don't need to be sorry! It isn't your fault that you have depression? It isn't your fault!" he cries.

"I know..." I sniffle, calming down a little bit.

"Are you going to be okay while you're in there?"

"Yeah," I murmur.

"Can I come visit?" he asks.

"No, I don't think you can,"

"I'm scared for you, by the way. I don't think I've cried this hard in years,"

"I know babe...s-sorry,"

"Babe? I'm down for that. I guess...you never officially told me we were breaking up,"

"I just wish I had talked to you before...I...b-"

"I wish that too, I wish that I'd seen it! God, what kind of boyfriend am I? And now I'm making this about myself!"

"It's okay," I say soothingly, "shhh, don't blame yourself,"

Adam sounds like he's slowly becoming more calm. "I...I have to go and cry for a little bit. And not over the phone. Just some good old fashioned bawling. It's not your fault, I've been needing to do it for a while now. I love you,"

"I love you too,"

"Bye,"

"What're you thinking about?"

Adam's voice startles me from my thoughts.

"Our phone calls. Well, our first one anyway,"

Adam wraps his arm around me, kissing along my jawbone. "That was a pretty scary phone call," he says.

I nod in agreement, closing my eyes. The kisses slowly move up from my jaw, his lips trailing along my cheeks, kissing up the tear tracks.

"Boop," Adam says, kissing the tip of my nose.

I blush softly, opening my eyes to meet his.

"You're just gonna have to take this head-on. Really, you probably can't prepare in this little time. Don't even really try, you'll stress yourself out. But what you can do is cuddle with me and help me procrastinate doing my work~" Adam says cheekily.

I hum, letting him kiss all over my face. Outside, the sun has mostly gone down, leaving nothing but a slight pinky-red hue at the bottom of a deep blue, freckled with stars.

"I'd like that, I think," I say. I take Adam's chin and lean in, pulling my lips up at the last minute and kissing his forehead.

"Tease," he grumbles. I fluff his hair, and he takes the chance to squeeze me tightly in a huge hug.

I let out a small grunt, and a strained chuckle. "Babe, I need to breathe,"

"Hmmmmm, No. Kiss me and I'll consider it,"

I lift his chin again and press a chaste kiss to his lips. He whines when I pull away, yanking me down to his lips again.

I giggle into the kiss, lying down and letting him kiss me softly until I fall asleep.

But even with all of the reassurance and love, I still feel that ball on anxiety sitting in my stomach.

Why can't I seem to get rid of it?

Welp, there ya go. This one is...less than a day after. Which I guess is sort of normal. ALSO this is the longest story I've ever written, which says something about me. SOmething that nobody will say aloud. Ahem. Anyway, comment my mistakes. Bye!

P.S. if you check Pidge's lil flashback in their chapter, the conversation matches up with the one in this chapter.