Sorry for the slight lateness of this chapter but this is the second half of the Tessa/Jeremy flashback I've been having. This is also the chapter that details the end of their relationship, so expect to be a little bit of a tear-jerker at the end. Also, the next chapter will be a temporary relief of the flashback chapters and will return to the show's storyline - I have a few ideas for the episodes that are strictly Governor perspective. Anyway, on to the chapter! :)

Four-Five Months Later . . .

The tips of her fingers ghost over the outline of his tattoos as he sleeps. He had tattoos like Daryl did, but yet, completely unlike Daryl, too. Jeremy was absolutely covered in them – full sleeves, a full back piece, a couple on his legs and Evan's full name written in a beautiful script across his left pectoral . . . and not one of them was shittily done, too. Every single one of them had clean lines, good shading, beautiful color . . . Jeremy had taken care of his tattoos and had spent quite a lot of money on them, too.

"It's rude to stare, you know?" Jeremy mumbled with a smile and Tessa returned the small smile with one of her own.

"Tattoos just make a naked body more fun to look at!" She replied simply, her hand moving to flatten out on the Celtic cross that made up a good portion of his back piece, and he grinned.

"I like that . . . I'm gonna need to keep that in mind . . ." He told her and she couldn't help but grin as well as he flipped onto his side facing her. One of his colorful arms slid around her waist, bringing her closer to him and she allowed him to – gladly.

"Ethan and Evan are still fast asleep. I'm not surprised really – the fair yesterday must have wiped them clean out!" She remarked and he answered with a chuckle and a nod. A muscular thigh slid in-between hers as his lips connected with the nape of her neck. She felt him stir against her and gave a reflexive shudder, her nails digging into his shoulder. He was a bigger man that Daryl had been, but not by much and she had forbidden herself from wondering who was better. They were too neck-in-neck to make that easy to answer.

Their frantic lovemaking from the previous night had made hem lazy and Tessa felt wrapped up in a bubble of heady, warm desire that she hadn't felt in a very long time. His hand slid over her body to curl around her hip, pulling her closer to him still, and she murmured his name in a heated breath. It felt strange, too . . . not murmuring a name that did not need to be forced in order to be said. Jeremy's name came as fluidly and naturally on her tongue, as Daryl's did.

And for a moment, the knowledge made a spear of guilt shoot through her and, rather depressingly, she lost it – every pleasurable bolt of warmth his touch and his lips caused her.

She gave a sigh of irritation and pushed him gently away, avoiding the look of confusion echoing in his eyes as she did so. "I'm . . . I'm sorry . . ." She apologized somewhat sheepishly, and he shook his head.

"No, don't be. Everybody can lose it." He told her an she nodded as he shifted onto his back, shifting her with him. His arm moved to wrap around her waist, bringing her closer. "Been meaning to ask, but . . . Sam ain't gonna be worried if you and Ethan don't come home till this afternoon?" He asked and she gave a short little laugh.

"He thinks we left the fair at a late time and we just spent the night at one of my girlfriend's houses. We've done it before, so it's not that much of a stretch. I'm good." A shiver of uneasiness wracked her frame, then, and she glanced up at him. "Why? Does it bother you I have a husband?"

He shook his head. "When I was younger, it maybe would have. But now . . ." He gave a shrug. "I know a defeated woman when I see her, and . . . you're not defeated, per say, because Sam loves you too much to ever purposefully hurt you, but to me – speaking from experience - being in a loveless marriage can accomplish the same thing. And likewise, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that Ethan isn't his and you treat him accordingly." He gave a small smile then and his hand moved to cup her cheek, where his thumb skated gently over her bottom lip. "In fact, last night, from the moment we went to the fair with the kids, to now, has been the happiest that I've ever seen you. And while I know it's primarily because you're out of the house and without a shadow of him in sight, I also like to think that I bring about a little of that happiness, too . . ."

She nodded. "A lot of it is because of you, Jeremy," She told him before biting down on her bottom lip. She sat up then and he watched curiously as she moved to straddle him while still underneath the covers. They were facing each other and she swallowed hard as she wrapped her arms around his neck, shivering when she felt his hands fall on her waist to eventually grip her hips.

"Ethan's father, I loved since the day we met in highschool. We were the quintessential highschool sweethearts. In fact, I . . . I find it damn near impossible to stop loving that man!"

"What made you leave him?" Jeremy asked and Tessa bit down on her bottom lip again, this time in apprehension. Could she tell him? Could she tell him the one thing that's he refused to tell anyone – even her mother and her best friends?

"His brother raped me one afternoon when he wasn't around," She told him, throwing caution into the wind before she could stop herself. Immediately, she felt him tense underneath her, not in disgust, though, but in anger. She placed a calming hand on his broad shoulder and once again marveled at how alike yet completely different he was to Daryl. "I never told Daryl. I was afraid to, and I left when I couldn't handle it anymore. A few weeks after moving here, I found myself pregnant. I married Sam – originally – for companionship and financial aid – he was one of the first friends I made here, so in a weird way, it made sense. I never, what you would call, loved him."

She shifted a little and he allowed her to, but when she turned her eyes onto him, he noticed the apprehension in her eyes. "But you . . . your different, Jeremy. You make me feel things I haven't felt since Daryl and the way you interact with Ethan, I never . . . I have never seen my son grin and laugh with Sam like he does you!" She told him before stopping and shaking her head. "I want to say that I love you, but I'm not completely sure yet and I want to be sure before I ever think of saying it!"

He nodded then, silently, slowly, and for a moment, fear pounded away in Tessa's heart until he moved. Guiding her with his hands on her hips, he moved her upwards and off of him. He turned her around on her knees in front of him and it was then that her heart silenced as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into him, her landing square against his chest. He held her in a tight embrace and placed his chin on her shoulder.

"And when you decide that you do love me, know that you don't have to be afraid to say it. Flaws, past and all, your beautiful and achingly brilliant, and I . . . I think my feelings may be running along the same line."

Tears building in her eyes, she turned her head to gaze at him, immediately picking out the sincerity in his eyes. Her hand moved behind them to slide into his hair – the short, light brown strands silky and fluid running through her fingers, and it was then that she brought him down to her and kissed him.

And this time, when he touched her, his touch gliding along her warm, smooth flesh like a gentle summer's breeze, bringing with it these feelings and bolts of warmth she hadn't felt since Daryl, she ignored them when her mind continue to marvel at how close they were to Daryl's.

In fact . . . she welcomed them then, just like she welcomed him into her body time after time, with feelings and sensations that made her heart sing and warmth to eventually ripple through her body like it hadn't in ages.

They froze when childish shouts of laughter were heard from down the hall and Tessa felt him grin as she released a sigh of slight disappointment. Right when they were just starting to heat up a little . . .

"Now you know what a good marriage with kids feels like!" He quipped with a laugh and she shot him a grin as he moved away from her and off of the bed. He yanked up a pair of flannel pants from a nearby drawer as she stepped off of the bed too. She picked up her panties and slid them on before picking up one of his clean shirts from the nearby basket. It hung huge on her and she barely caught the look of pleasure on his face when he saw her slide the article on.

"Jeremy, we're not married." She reminded him with a snort of laughter and he gave a flippant shrug.

"We could be . . ." He answered and she glanced at him, noticing one of his eyebrows was arched in amusement. Her eyes widened.

"Jeremy, I . . . are you suggesting what I think you are?" She asked and he gave a shrug.

"I don't know; you tell me." He replied and her eyebrows furrowed in slight confusion as he stepped closer to her.

"My gut is telling me that you just suggested me divorcing Sam."

He gave another shrug. "Well, you would be free to move on, wouldn't you?" He asked as he took a seat on the edge of his bed, where he pulled her to him with a gentle hold of her hand. "We wouldn't have to hide – you wouldn't have to worry about Ethan blabbing to Sam . . ." He gave a shrug as he pulled her closer still, his arms wrapping around her waist while her hands landed somewhat uncertainly on his shoulders. "And of course we wouldn't get married right away - you and Ethan would need to get used to being alone at first and everything will need to be settled, but eventually . . . if you wanted to, I mean . . ." He trailed off with what he hoped was a flippant shrug but one that showed how insecure he was about the topic – how he hoped she wouldn't abhor the suggestion. She smiled.

"Let me think about it, okay?" She asked him before giving a laugh and averting her eyes to the floor. Her arms wrapped around his neck and her fingers moved to twist together nervously. "I'm . . . I'm pretty sure that I love you, Jeremy, but . . . I just want to be absolutely sure that I do before I commit to whatever we have and make decisions that have a huge impact on Ethan's life. As a father, you can understand that, can't you?"

He nodded. "Of course I can. I have all the time in the world to wait for you, Tess!" He promised her and she gave him a grateful smile before she leaned in and pressed a lingering kiss to his lips. She felt so right standing there with him like that – her body warm and silky and her smell consisting of her normal scent of gardenias and him . . .

They broke apart after a minute and she saw his jaw tense for a moment, as if he wanted to say something – perhaps say what she was hesitant to say herself – but then stopped. He smiled a tight smile instead and it was at that moment – the moment when she knew he would rather throw himself into mental anguish than bombard her with his own feelings when he knew she was conflicted, that she felt her affection for him, bloom a little bit more.

She pulled away then and grinned, her hand taking ahold of his as she did so. "Now, come on, the kids will be hungry. Let's go make some breakfast, okay?" She suggested and after a moment, he returned her grin with a smile and a nod, back to his normal self.

"Yeah, let's go – I'm starved!" He replied with a laugh as he allowed her to pull him from the room.

It was funny . . . until the day finally came that Tessa grew 100% sure she loved him and finally told him so, Jeremy had always managed to tell her every day that he loved her, all the time, in those little ways that she loved the most.

Their affair continued for months that bordered on a year before Tessa finally plucked up the courage to decide that she did indeed love Jeremy and was willing to change Ethan's life ever-so-slightly in order to be with him. She served the papers to Sam on a bright, sunny Tuesday in March and his reaction was a little surprising. He simply smiled, nodded and said: "Okay."

There was not a day that went by during the divorce proceedings, that Jeremy and Tessa did not see each other. The months were filled with gentle teasing, grins and laughter (laughter that made her sides ache at times); of languid summer lovemaking and furious, winter fucking just to stay warm. They were months of promises whispered on breathes thick with mounting pleasure and which were accompanied by equally as breathless pleas, the both of them dreaming of the day when they would wake up seeing that golden wedding band on each other's currently bare finger.

But like everything in Tessa's life, it eventually had to come to an end.

"Jeremy, you don't have to go back!" She told him one gray, dull day, her voice thick with unshed tears and useless emotion, and Jeremy nodded.

"I'm a SEAL, Tess. It doesn't matter if I'm ex or not, if they ask you to come back, that's not a choice, that's damn near an order!"

His body was tense whereas hers was trembling – every muscle corded and taut with irritation and anger. He was torn between returning and serving in the ranks of the military he had bled, sweated and cried to obtain, and staying there . . . with her, where they could create the life together that the both of them wanted so badly.

And likewise, Tessa felt as if her entire world was crumbling around her. Again.

And there was absolutely nothing she could do about it, because she knew the choice he would make, even before he knew he had made it himself.

"W-when do you ship out?" She asked, her voice trembling and sounding faraway. She hugged herself tightly and when he turned his gaze onto her, they were big and sorrowful.

"I leave for Afghanistan next week. Friday . . ."

She nodded, her eyes filling with tears as she crossed the way towards him, where he took her into an immediate embrace. "You'll e-mail me, won't you?" She asked and he nodded.

"And you'll dirty instant message me, won't you?" He asked in turn, and she laughed and nodded.

"You damn well know it! And I can still work on this divorce while your gone, so when you finally come back, hopefully I'll be a free woman." She told him and he chuckled for a moment before he gently tilted her head up to his. He kissed her then, lovingly and lingeringly, and when he broke apart, it was to hold her even closer, his forehead moving to rest against hers.

"I love you, Tess . . ." He murmured, his voice thick with unshed tears – tears that he would not show her – and she nodded in agreement.

"I love you too, Jeremy . . ."

About five months after he was deployed, he said he wouldn't be able to contact her for about a month because of a mission they were sending him and his team out on – a "classified" mission, as always. She told him okay – that she loved him and he replied back that he loved her too – with every fiber of his being.

A month went by . . . nothing. There were no-emails, no calls, no letters – no nothing.

"Yes, he said that he would talk to his lawyer sometime around the middle of next week, so expect a fax sometime around there – before the court date, yes. By the way, I don't know who -"

A knock echoing on the door of her house, was what interrupted Tessa mid-sentence while on the phone with her lawyer. Her brows furrowed in confusion and she told her lawyer she had to go before ending the call and placing the phone down onto the nearby coffee-table.

When she opened the door, she did not expect to see the man standing on her threshold wearing the Navy dress uniform. Nor did she expect him to be gazing at her so sympathetically.

"I am sorry for disturbing you, ma'am, but are you Mrs. Jeremy Roth?" He asked, his tone respectful, and immediately, Tessa swallowed hard as she felt a chill go down her spine.

"Well not technically, but yes, we are together. I guess you could say that I'm his girlfriend." She told them, stopping when she felt herself on the verge of babbling, and the man nodded to her before he respectfully removed his flawless white cap.

"Mrs. Roth – if you'll allow me to call you that -" Tessa numbly nodded as she crossed her arms in front of her chest. "I'm Admiral Tony Vega, Jeremy's superior. And I am here because I regret to inform you, that Jeremy was killed last week in the line of duty." He inclined his head to her as he held out a package – a brown box wrapped in brown paper. "In this package contains a letter he wrote to you before he was shipped off, with instructions to me, to give it to you should he die. There are also some of his personal effects inside, as well. He said that he wanted you to have them."

Tessa nodded, still feeling quite numb, as she reached out and took the package from him. She held him back, though, when he turned to go. "Wait, please! He had a little girl – Evan – that's staying with his mother." She told them and he nodded.

"He had told me that the two of you had yet to marry and that you had yet to meet his family. Don't worry, Mrs. Roth, we'll let them know." He told her and she nodded as he moved to go. He paused, though, as if wanting to say something but not knowing if he should. "Jeremy was a good friend of mine. When I had orders to bring him back in, he did not want to come, Mrs. Roth. He said that he had a family – a woman he wanted to marry and settle down with. I . . . I was ordered to do whatever it took to bring him back – he was one of the best we had and this mission called for the best – and I regret the maneuvers I used to get him in. So for what its worth, Mrs. Roth, you meant the world to him and he counted down the days when he could come home to you." He smiled a small smile. "He also talked the world of your son, too."

Tessa shook her head. "Ethan's not his son, but yeah, I got what you meant."

Admiral Vega continued to smile a small smile. "I know, Mrs. Roth. But he acted like he was – he talked like he was. He loved that little boy of yours like he loved you. If there is one thing you should know, its that there was not absolutely nothing about your life, that he did not want to share."

Tessa tearfully nodded, her arms hugging the package to her chest as she breathed out a 'thank you'.

She returned to the inside of her house and closed the door quietly behind her before clawing at the brown paper covering the package. She tore open the box and when she emptied it onto the nearby coffee-table, a few things fell out – a pair of silver dog-tags, a thin stack of pictures, and a letter . . . addressed to her . . .

She swallowed heavily, her heart pounding in her throat as she opened the letter with shaky fingers. She pulled out the thin piece of paper and had tears building in her eyes before she was even done with the first sentence:

Tess,

Baby, I'm sorry, but if you reading this, then that means I'm either dead or MIA. For both of our sakes, I hope I'm dead, because I do not want to return to you the man I will eventually return to you as, if I'm MIA.

You know, I've never had a hard time writing a last letter before, but now, I am. I guess it's because this last letter is being written to the woman that, for the last year or so, I've fallen in love with and want to start a family with. I write this letter, knowing that when you get this, you will never see me again and for all intents and purposes, never see Evan again, either. I write this letter on my end, knowing I'll never see Evan or Ethan or you again and for once, I don't know which one of us has the shittier end of the stick. I'll never tell you I love you again, or kiss you or make love to you . . . I'll never see you laugh or grin or watch the way your eyes light up when you do both – how cute your nose looks when you get angry and it crinkles up . . .

I'll never hear you moan in my ear again as your thighs tighten on my waist or when your hands pull at my hair . . .

I'll never be the father to Ethan that he deserves and I hope to Hell that one day he does eventually get that father . . .

I'll never be a quarter of the things to the both of you that I wish I would get to be, and it's when I think about that, that I think I'm the one that's got the shitty end. But then I think about you – living with a man you don't even love because I know you will cancel the divorce if you get this letter - mourning for me and then having to tell Ethan that I won't be back . . . and then I know you will be the one with the shitty end. And even though I know I'm going to fight to come back to you at all costs, I get so angry because I know that if you're reading this letter, then I didn't fight hard enough.

If there's one thing I want you to know – to go to your deathbed knowing, it's that I love you, Tessa, with every ounce of my being. It's that I love Ethan like he's my own son – that I will always love the both of you so much. It's that I'm sorry I won't be meeting you when that plane lands in Fort Benning with other soldiers and their families. It's that I'm sorry that I won't get to marry you and be the husband that you deserve and the father that Ethan does.

I'm sorry.

I love you. So fucking much.

- Jeremy

When she finished reading the letter, she allowed it to fall on the coffee-table in front of her before bowing her head. She felt her heart break and fought to hold back the tears. It was so hard to stay strong while your entire world crumbled into dust around your feet and for the first in her life, Tessa didn't know if she would be able to make it.

A Week later . . .

Sam entered the house later that night, his eyes immediately finding Tessa sitting on the couch in the living room. His eyebrows furrowed in concern when he took in her hunched over figure still clad in the simple, plain black dress she had wore earlier that afternoon. Her face was buried in her hands with Jeremy's things spread out on the coffee-table in front of her where she had placed them when she first got them and hadn't bothered to move them. And for a moment, Sam wondered how long she had stayed like that before finally calling him.

"Tessa . . . Tess, you okay?" He asked worriedly, and she gave a sniff as her face moved out of her hands. He saw tears glittering in her red-rimmed eyes and his heart almost ripped in two.

She tossed her sheet of long, blue-black hair behind her as she glanced at him. Her hand was covering her mouth and she did a pathetic attempt at a shrug of her shoulders and a shake of her head. "He's dead, Sam . . . died in the line of fucking duty!" She spat, her voice full of venom and tears, and it was then that she crumbled and buried her face in her hands again. Her body trembled with the force of her fresh sobs and she rocked herself back and forth as Sam took a few steps closer, his eyes landing on the articles laid out before her. Pictures of them, grinning and happy, His dog tags - the neatly, impeccably folded American flag that had been draped across His coffin earlier that day at the funeral service before being folded and handed to her.

He was dead . . . the man Tessa would have left him for.

Sam couldn't deny the flicker of happiness that sparked in his heart at the realization but immediately felt guilty about it. This was a man that Tessa loved – another Daryl. Was he really so delusional as to think that she would stay with him – a man she didn't love, and would never love – when a man who made her feel the things that Daryl did, came along?

But still . . . he couldn't help but hurt at the sight of her so broken.

"Tess . . . Tess, come on, it'll be alright!" He assured her and she nodded, so confidently, that it took him aback.

"I know – oh, believe me, Sam, I know!" She replied before giving a small smile. "I'll survive for Ethan and because I know Jeremy would want me to. That doesn't mean that it still doesn't fucking hurt, though!"

Sam nodded, not even about to say that he understood her pain. He didn't. The woman he loved was still alive. Sitting before him and broken, mourning for a man she loved, but alive.