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Hilton Hotel Room New York City Earlier that Day
"When were you planning on telling me about Vancouver?" Robin asked as the door shut behind them.
The hotel room was rather nice and she placed her purse on a chair before turning back towards him. He just stood there, watching her.
"And why are those agents at your office? With a freaking warrant! Were you going to tell me about that?" Robin was fuming now.
"Relax." Barney said calmly.
"Don't "relax" me! I thought we were a team! I trusted you to handle this Barney! And now? Vancouver? Warrants? Are you kidding me?"
Barney quickly walked over, placed his hands on her hips and pushed her gently against the wall behind her.
"Stop panicking Robin." He demanded.
Robin swallowed; his swift moves combined with his hands on her hips and his close proximity made her weak and partly forget her anger.
"Stop deluding yourself Barney, you are not in control anymore! And stop trying to convince me you are!" she replied, almost whispering now.
Barney tightened his grip on her hips, and pushed her completely against the wall behind her.
"And we are so not having sex right now" she added weakly.
He wiggled his eyebrows, for the first time this move really aggravated her.
"Say something." She demanded.
"We are so gonna do it in this room cause hotel…" He smiled.
And all of a sudden Robin realized something.
"You are panicking just as much as I am, that's why you are even contemplating moving to Vancouver."
His facial expression was calm and controlled. And if it wouldn't have been for the pressure he applied on her hips, pushing her into the wall behind her forcefully, she would have never guessed that this conversation had an impact on his emotional state at all.
Barney cleared his throat, "Vancouver is just a kind of insurance; in case we do need to escape prosecution and something does go wrong."
"How thought through is our getaway to Vancouver?" Robin asked.
Barney shrugged, "It's bullet proof Robin. Most of my money is already in a hidden Canadian account, we would just have to drive across the border and could start a completely new life."
The thought of leaving everything behind made Robin sick, she loved New York and her life here.
"But it's just an insurance, you hope you'll never need it but if you do, you are glad its there." Barney tried to reassure her, weakening the grip on her hips.
"What about you? You hate Canada! What about your job?" Robin asked.
Barney clearly didn't want to answer, instead he leaned forward and kissed her. She let him get away without answering her question for now and joined in.
New York City Bar Present Time
The sex had been raw and rough and exactly what they had needed to calm their nerves.
It made Robin smile, luckily they did talk about things afterwards, otherwise they could have easily been awarded the most dysfunctional and delusional people of the year.
"He just hugged me too tight." Robin finally said.
"What?" Lily asked dumbfounded.
"We were arguing and he was trying to calm me down by hugging me." Robin turned back to the mirror and pulled her lipstick out.
"You are kidding, right?" Lily asked surprised.
"No, that's what really happened Lily. Happy?"
"Well…no. What were you arguing about? And Barney…our Barney, was trying to calm you down by hugging you?"
Robin looked at Lily for a second, she always forgot that their friends didn't know Barney the way she did. They didn't know who he really was and what he was capable of.
Then again, neither did she. Yes, him handling all her legal issues for her was hot, but it also raised the question how he got so good at this. Maybe it was better if she'd never find out.
"I don't want to talk about this anymore, okay? Barney and I aren't like you guys, we don't need our friends to analyze our relationship for us."
"Oh sweetie, you can't stop us from doing that even if you'd tried." Lily grinned.
"Yeah, but don't tell us what you come up with." Robin countered.
She applied her lipstick and looked through the mirror at Lily, who was tucking some straight hairs behind her ear.
"Seriously Lily… Barney and I might be horrible at communication and relationship stuff, but we have figured 'us' out. We are happily married and no offense, but I doubt that would have happened if you guys had been involved from the get go."
Lily seemed a little offended by it but then she smiled, "yeah you are probably right. Ted would have done everything to stop you from falling in love with Barney."
Robin nodded, that wasn't exactly what she meant, but she wasn't about to argue with Lily.
They went back to the rest of the group, a discussion about Star Wars was in full swing. Robin noticed the shared looks Marshall and Lily exchanged and guessed that they had one of their telepathic conversations about the bruise.
Robin neither cared that much about Star Wars, nor did she want to think too hard about what her friends thought about Barney and her.
She looked at Barney, who noticed it and turned his head. They smiled at each other briefly, and Robin thought back to the conversation they'd had at the hotel earlier today.
Hilton Hotel Room New York City Earlier that Day
"What happened Barney?" Robin whispered afterwards.
"What do you mean?" Barney asked using the same volume.
"We lost control."
"You just got to say Flugelhorn when I go too far and I'll stop right away." Barney replied, tugging a strand of hair behind her ear.
"That's not what I meant." Robin couldn't help but smile.
"No, I mean, what happened to us? Everything was so simple before Tokyo. Yes we were married, but nothing else changed. We had completely separate lives. Sure we hooked up every now and then, but it was casual and fun. Look at us now, we are being investigated and are facing serious consequences for our actions; nights at McLarens have turned into a mess of arguments and fights; and we…we are…I don't know what we are anymore, Barney."
"We are bros." He helped out.
"Yes, but look at this mess we got ourselves into! Our families believe, really believe, that we are married! Your mom thinks I am the love of your live! She might have started knitting baby cloths for all we know. One day you will have to break the news of a divorce to her, Barney."
"Relax…we aren't convicted yet, and we won't divorce anytime soon either."
"What if we really do have to move? You visit your mom all the time, she needs you here, not in Vancouver or in jail. We've created a huge web of lies and will bring our loves ones down with us." Robin starred at the ceiling, well, at least his loved ones, her family couldn't care less.
"Baby…"
"Have you ever really thought about all those consequences, Barney?" Robin interrupted him.
"Honestly? No. Why worry about all that stuff now? What will be, will be, no reason to stress about it." Barney replied.
Robin sighed, if it would have only been this simple.
"Do you regret marrying me?" Robin whispered.
"Not even for a second Robin." He replied and she smiled.
"I have caused you a LOT of trouble over the past months though…" she continued.
"So? Isn't that what marriage is? Trouble?" He joked.
"I wish things would have went smoother… I mean everything went great before Tokyo and now…" she shrugged.
"I actually think that things are better now." Barney replied honestly.
"How? We are being investigated, we are duping our friends and family, and we might have to relocate to Canada."
"Yeah, but…" Barney thought about it for a second, "I don't know…maybe I just don't care that much whether or not we are being investigated and are lying to our friends."
"What about moving to Canada?" Robin asked.
"And we are back where we started." Barney commented. "I'd be okay with that. Plus, we don't have to stay in Vancouver, we could live wherever we wanted, we could even live like nomads, moving from one place to another as soon as we get tired of it."
"We wouldn't have to do it together either." Robin thought out loud.
"Uhm… no obviously not, we could just split the money." Barney answered, starring out of the window behind Robin.
"I didn't mean… just in case you start feeling hemmed in by me…" Robin clarified.
Barney nodded, "we'd be okay," he kissed her and after their lips parted Robin asked,
"for better or for worse, huh?"
Jazz Bar Present Time
A little while later they all decided to go over to the Jazz Bar. Barney pulled Robin onto the dance floor while the rest of the group headed towards an empty table.
The started swaying to the music, and Robin caught the others looking at them.
"Boy we are really nailing playing a couple in love today," Robin whispered into Barneys ear.
"If you disregard the whole bruising incident - sure." He replied.
Robin grinned and kissed his neck, "Tiffany is totally buying it."
They had turned around and now Barney had a clear look at the group of friends. Ted shot him an angry look.
"Ted's furious right now." Barney observed and pulled Robin closer to his body.
Robin grinned; she didn't care whether or not Barney was deliberately trying to piss Ted off, not today anyways.
"What other super couply things could we do?" she asked.
"I can think of one thing."
"Besides sex….we already did nicknames, now intimate dancing…we could tell some super cheesy and romantic stories? How about that?"
"Or…or…." They started making out and didn't stop until the music muted and everyone else had already left the dance floor.
Robin returned to the table while Barney went to the bathroom.
"Wow, Barney hasn't hit on anyone else in…" Ted checked his watch, "three hours! This got to be a new record."
Robin noticed Tiffany's confused look, and explained, "Barney is kind of a womanizer."
"Kind of?" Marshall asked, "he is the biggest womanizer since Giacomo Casanova…au!" Lily had kicked him under the table.
Robin shook her head, "also true."
"Seriously Robin, why did you marry him?" Ted asked.
"Cause I got a thing for bad boys with sleek moves who wear expensive suits?" Robin replied, she didn't even have that much to drink but somehow she felt buzzed.
"I think the two of you make a very sweet couple, it's mesmerizing how in love you are with each other." Tiffany interjected.
"Thank you," Robin answered while thinking that 'sweet' was definitively the wrong adjective for them. On the bright side, they could start a career as actors in Canada, given how well they tricked everyone into believing that they were in love.
"Do you want to get out of here?" Barney asked when he came back to the table.
"Already? It's not even eleven." Lily protested.
"Exactly, it's already eleven and I haven't had sex with anyone." Barney replied.
"Technically not true – Hotel Room?" Robin interjected.
"Way too much detail." Ted frowned.
"What were you guys doing in a Hotel Room?" Marshall asked.
"Please." Barney placed his arm around Robin's waist as she waved goodbye to the others.
Barney gave the cab driver his address, and automatically expected Robin to exit the cab with him once they arrived.
"What's wrong?" He asked.
"I will go home." Robin replied.
"I got you your own towel."
Robin smiled, "I will check it out another time, okay? I need some time for myself."
Barney scooted back into the seat.
"Everything okay?" He asked.
"Yeah."
Barney tried to figure out what was going on by looking into her eyes, he couldn't and finally gave in.
"Text me when you are home, okay?" He asked and kissed her.
Robin nodded, "you will call me as soon as you hear something new, right?"
They still hadn't heard anything from the Bureau and whether or not they had found what they were looking for earlier.
"I will." Barney got out of the cab, "good night Scherbatsky."