Lilly woke up to an onslaught of confusing feelings and sensations.

The first thing she noticed was that her cheeks and nose were threatening to fall off from the icy cold temperature in the room. The rest of her body, on the other hand, was engulfed in warmth, one that was too much to be generated on her own. There was a heaviness on her shoulder, stomach and thigh and she felt sore between her legs.

It felt nice. Comfortable.

What did feel uncomfortable, was what was going on in her mind. A giddy happiness dominated her emotions, but there was something else. Lilly grasped onto the thought and realized that this was the first time in days that she hadn't woken up to a feeling of grief, fear and despair. Ever since Jax had died, her first thought every day had been of him. Every morning had started with tears. A flicker of guilt made its way to the surface. One brief moment of passion and she had already forgotten about Jax?

The heaviness covering half of her naked body started to stir. A heavy sigh sounded in her ear and Lilly smiled, her eyes still closed. Skin began rubbing over skin and something even softer traveled down her neck, over her collarbone and to her breasts, kissing and licking on its way. Her hands found Negan's hair when his mouth found her nipple.

"Good morning."

"It really fucking is," came the muffled reply from down south, causing her to giggle. It turned into a gasp when he lightly scraped his teeth over the sensitive bud. She could feel him grin before he took a whole mouthful of her breast and sucked and her gasp turned into a moan. A chuckle and he released her breast with a soft 'plop'. Lilly looked down and found him meeting her gaze with the most shit-eating grin she had ever seen on him.

"Enjoying yourself down there?"

"Oh, you have no fucking idea, baby." He kissed his way back up her chest and along her neck until he arrived at her lips, nipping lightly. "You're like a sexy fucking human buffet and I'm about to have breakfast."

"Bit of a bold statement, considering the current socio-political climate."

"I feel like I haven't done a very good job last night, if you're still able to form such coherent and eloquent fucking words."

"Better luck next time," Lilly challenged him and Negan jumped at the opportunity with enthusiasm.

She was still slick from last night and he slipped inside of her easily. They took their time this morning. Last night had been urgent and needy. Today was slow and passionate, exploring each others' bodies thoroughly with hands and lips.

Lilly ended up on top of Negan, her palms on his chest, her head thrown back, rocking back and forth while his grip on her waist became tighter. He thrust his hips and she opened her eyes with a gasp. Negan was looking at her in wonder. A sense of love and pride washed over her, having this strong and powerful man underneath her, making him moan and squirm and pant with desire. The feeling was enough to make her explode in a sea of pleasure, riding him while he yelled profanities into the morning, until she collapsed onto him, both utterly spent.

She laid on top of him while he gently stroked her back. Lilly was so happy and yet still so sad about Jax again that she had to bite back tears. She couldn't remember the last time she had to deal with so many emotions at once. Survival made you numb.

Her slight shiver prompted Negan to throw a blanket over them. He shifted and turned until she was on her back and he above her. His happy and relaxed look turned into one of concern.

"What's wrong Lilly?"

"I'm fine." Negan merely raised one eyebrow. She sighed. "I'm just a little overwhelmed, that's all."

"I mean… I know my dick is pretty fucking awesome, but I don't think it ever made someone cry before." Lilly half laughed and half sobbed and he softly ran his thumb over her cheek. "Come on, you can tell me."

"I know. It's just… the last couple of days have been a bit much. And I feel kinda… guilty? Like I haven't mourned Jax enough. And then last night. I know we had to do this, but… I knew Glenn. We've been on scavenging runs together. And now he's dead because I told you to kill him, basically. That's messed up."

"He's not dead because you said so, he's dead because he and his shit-for-brains leader killed our people."

"But-"

"No. Don't fucking do this to yourself, Lilly. Blaming yourself for deaths that weren't your fault. I've been down this fucking path and I won't let you do the same. And I get that you feel guilty about Jax, but it's not like you're forgetting him. And I know for a fucking fact that he's sitting on a fluffy fucking cloud somewhere right fucking now, cheering for you, with wings on his back and a cute little halo around his head."

Lilly broke into a fit of laughter that left her gasping and with fresh, albeit happier tears. When she had calmed down, Negan took the opportunity to take her breath away once more with a long, sensual kiss.

"You know…" he muttered between kissing down her jaw and neck, "I could be fucking offended that you're thinking about other men while in bed with me…"

"Or you could try and be mature about it…"

"That's cute that you think I can be fucking mature about anything, let alone when fucking is involved."

"Good point."

They both grinned and got lost in each other's arms again. Unfortunately, after a couple of minutes, their make-out session was interrupted by a knock on the door. Negan got up reluctantly and grabbed his pants, not bothering with a shirt. Lilly wrapped herself into the blanket, both to keep out the cold and to prevent to be seen by whoever wanted to speak to Negan.

"Good morning, Sir. I have cleaned Lucille for you." Carson's voice came from the anteroom.

"Thanks Carson. Look at my girl, she's as good as new. Everything quiet down there?"

"That's actually why I came to see you this early. The group that went to Alexandria came back earlier. There were casualties, about eight outpost guys. And they took Dwight hostage."

"Did they now…?" Lilly could hear the barely suppressed grin on Negan's face when he talked.

"I've already prepared the meeting room. Do you want me to gather the lieutenants?"

Lilly peered out from under the blanket. Negan sighed and glanced back towards the bed wistfully before pinching his nose.

"Yeah. Okay. In fact… gather everyone in the hall. I want the Saviors to know what happened last night. We'll be there in half an hour. Thanks Carson."

The door closed and Negan jumped back on the bed, nearly sending Lilly ricocheting off of it.

"Who are you hiding from?" He peeled back the blanket to slip his hands under it and grasped her thigh, wrapping it around his waist.

"The cold. And Carson. We haven't talked about being seen together in public, yet."

"Being seen together in public? Lil, the whole Sanctuary already thinks we've been fucking since at least our trip to the Hilltop. And I'd fuck you on the fucking ping pong table for everyone to see if it was socially acceptable. I don't give a fuck who knows about us." His grin turned into a frown. "Wait, do you?"

"No. Of course not. I'm not ashamed of being with you."

He smiled, "Good," and lowered his lips to hers, kissing her slowly and deeply. "I want the whole fucking world to know that you're mine."

Lilly's eyebrows shot up. "What was that? Getting possessive already?"

"Well yeah. I had to wait long enough to finally tap that." He grabbed her ass and grinned at her. His face fell again when he noticed her serious expression. Lilly didn't want to ruin the mood, but some things just had to be discussed. "Why do I have the feeling that I'm gonna get my fucking ass whooped any second now?"

Lilly untangled herself and sat up, wrapping the blanket around herself tightly and faced a very disappointed looking Negan. He seemed almost scared.

"Hey, don't worry." She placed her palm on his cheek for a second to reassure him. "I just think we should discuss a couple of ground rules, or expectations, when we get back from the meeting."

"No, let's do it now. I was hoping for another quick round of putting my wand in your chamber of secrets, but-" He had to wait a moment until Lilly stopped laughing. "But we said we'd be honest with each other and not waste any more time and yada yada, so let's get this the fuck over with."

Okay, well…" Lilly felt insecure all of a sudden. " It's just… when you say it like that… 'I want the whole world to know you're mine', it reminds me a bit of the whole wives thing. And that in turn reminds me that you don't exactly have a good track record when it comes to fidelity."

Negan grimaced.

"Yeah, well. We all make fucking mistakes, right? Mine just went out of hand for a while." He took her hand. Maybe to make sure that she wouldn't run away. "Look, I know I've been a huge fucking asshole. Probably still am. The truth is, I still have no fucking clue why you would even want to be with me." Lilly opened her mouth to interrupt him, but he wouldn't let her. "No, please let me finish. I don't know why, but I have accepted that you do and I'm not gonna be an even bigger idiot and push you away. Because let's be fucking honest here… that's all the whole wives fuckery was. Not letting anyone get too close. But here you fucking are. And I'm not gonna make the same mistakes with you that I did with Lucille. I feel like I've been given a second chance at happiness for some reason and I'm not gonna blow it." He grinned at her. "You can blow me, though, any time you want."

Lilly smiled, touched by Negan's confession and his promise to do better this time.

"Oh I will. Surprise blowjob assaults are coming your way." Negan looked like Christmas had come early and scrambled up the bed to kiss her. Lilly responded enthusiastically before she took his face between her hands and stared at him for a moment. "Thank you for being honest with me. And just so you know… we've been through so much together… I'll kick your ass if you fuck this up."

"You're the only one who has full fucking ass-kicking privileges."

"Good. I mean… there's not much to kick, but-" Lilly couldn't finish her thought with Negan attacking her with both his mouth and his hands again.

"I'll never get fucking tired of kissing you." He slipped his tongue between her lips, rewarding them both with a deep kiss. "Even with a bit of morning breath."

Negan jumped off the bed just in time to escape a pillow flying his way.

"You don't exactly smell like roses and cupcakes either, Mister."

"I know. I smell like sweat and sex. As I should." He raised his arm and sniffed his armpit. Lilly chuckled in a mix of amusement and disgust. "Yeah. Quick fucking wash. I'll be right back."

Lilly watched him grab a fresh shirt and head towards the bathroom. His back muscles flexed with every step he took and she blushed thinking about how much he turned her on. If she had ever hoped that one night with him would get him out of her system, she'd be sorely disappointed by now.

Fifteen minutes later and they had both cleaned up and dressed to head downstairs to the hall. They took much longer than they usually would, stopping here and there on the stairs to push the other against a wall and stick a tongue down their throat and by the time they had made it to the catwalk overlooking the cafeteria, both their faces were flushed. The other lieutenants were already waiting for them, some impatiently so.

Laura took one look at Lilly and her eyes widened before her face lit up in a wide grin.

"Someone looks well and thoroughly fucked this morning," she whispered into Lilly's ear after she had positioned herself next to her.

Lilly merely shushed her friend, a smug look on her face and turned to look at their leader.

"Alright Saviors, here's where we stand this fine fucking morning… Last night has been a complete fucking success. Andrei and his team plucked Rick and his companions from the road like the rotten fucking apples they are. Well done Andrei." Negan acknowledged his head scout with a nod and the people below murmured their approval. Some even applauded. Andrei looked proud of himself and deservedly so. Lilly knew that he had been riddled with guilt since Jax, Gavin and Marv had been killed. After some congratulations and pats on Andrei's shoulders, Negan continued. "We then proceeded to put the fear of fucking Lucille into them.

My girl and I got down and fucking dirty and took one of their own. I'm sure Seth and Andrei will be happy to give you the gory fucking details." More whispers. Seth and Andrei grinned at each other. Lilly couldn't help but frown slightly at their enthusiasm. "So… they got what they deserved for killing our people and now we've got a third fucking community to provide us with supplies. We'll go get the first tribute in two days and I need about fifty fucking volunteers to form a back-up team. People with shooting skills only! Go talk to Seth if you want to join us on our little field trip." Another round of enthusiastic chatter, before Negan raised his hand to silence the crowd. "Now I know that this doesn't take away the pain of losing Jax, Marv and Gavin. All three were fine fucking men and great assets to our community. They were fucking family." He turned his head slightly towards Lilly, giving her a half-smile. "But trust me when I say that this arrangement benefits every-fucking-one in the long run. I'll put their asses to the curb and make them bleed over and over again for what they've done." More nods. More whispers. "That's all. Start your day. Get to work. Mourn our dead. Thank you for your time."

The crowd dispersed and Negan and the lieutenants made their way to the meeting room.

"So what are we going to do about Dwight?" Laura piped up as soon as as they all got settled. She, Seth, Connor, Andrei and Lilly looked curiously at Negan. Lilly had a hunch what their leader would answer…

"Nothing," he replied with a barely suppressed smirk. By the other's reactions, Lilly thought they, too, had expected this answer from Negan. The lieutenants looked at each other meaningfully, but no one said anything. Dwight had been exceptionally insubordinate lately, not to mention the fights he tended to pick with almost everyone. "Stupid fucker got himself captured, not my fucking problem."

"What if they use him to negotiate with us?" Seth wondered.

"Let them try. They won't, though. Ricky pricky will do one of two things: Either number one, be really fucking stupid and kill the ugly fuck in retaliation, or number two, realize just how fucking fucked he is and set him free."

"What if they kill him, though? We can't let them do that. Dwight is a Savior, just like the rest of us." Laura argued.

"Is he, though?" Lilly's eyes found her friend's. She knew this was an uncomfortable topic, but they had to talk about it. "Dwight has been provoking people left, right and center for some time now."

"And why does he do that, huh?"

"I don't know, Laura." Lilly was genuinely confused. Had she been so detached from everyone and everything in the past couple of months that she had overlooked these things? She could sense Negan shifting in his seat next to her. "Why DOES he do that?"

"Because that one," she pointed at Negan, "doesn't use the wives anymore, but still has his 'no touching' rule in place."

"Drop it, Laura!" came a growl from Lilly's left.

"No, we need to talk about this. People are confused. Everyone knows you're not touching them anymore. Hell, everyone even knows WHY you're not touching them anymore." She looked pointedly at Lilly. "And everyone knows you keep that ridiculous rule in place, solely to fuck with Dwight. He doesn't even care that Sherry probably wouldn't touch him with a ten-foot pole, he just sees that YOU are still keeping his wife away from him. Do you think it's a good idea to antagonize your own lieutenants in times like this, when we have to deal with a new, obviously dangerous group of people?"

Lilly turned to look at Negan. He looked deeply uncomfortable and avoided her eyes. They would have to have another discussion about the wives, as much as Lilly wanted to steer clear of that particular topic.

"Those rules are still in place to protect those girls. They were with me and people are bound to think they'll do the same for them now. I fucking owe it to them to make sure no one gets any stupid ideas about them, so kindly get off my fucking back, Laura. And as you said, Sherry doesn't even want to be with Dwight. If she did, I'd let her go in an instant. It's not my fucking problem he's too stupid to get it. And it's not my, or anyone else's fucking problem if he runs head fucking first into dangerous situations and then gets himself fucking captured, or even killed. He did that to himself."

"But-"

"Laura." Lilly interrupted, keeping her voice gentle to diffuse the situation. "Look, I know you want to help Dwight. Of course, he's one of us. But Negan is right. He got himself into this situation by repeatedly ignoring what we told him, including you. He got overly confident and risky. We're lucky that they only captured him and not, let's say Seth, too." Lilly motioned at Laura's boyfriend and it seemed to finally get through to her. "And we're lucky that the only casualties this time were some outpost guys and not someone from the Sanctuary. I hope we'll get Dwight back somehow, but we can't risk any more lives, Laura."

Laura was silent for a while, chewing on her lower lip. Then she sighed, leant back in her seat and nodded. Lilly smiled at her before turning back to Negan, who stared intently at her, a ghost of a smile on his lips. He addressed his lieutenants again.

"We'll know what to do about Dwight when we go to Alexandria to get our first tribute. Which brings us to the actual fucking point of this meeting. I'm gonna need you guys to organize a backup team to come with us in three days. About forty men, all armed, with shooting experience, to hide all around their fucking compound while we are inside."

"Three days? Didn't you tell them we'd be there in a week?" Andrei seemed confused.

"That I fucking did. Gotta keep those fuckers on their fucking toes, if you catch my drift. That way they won't have time to organize anything stupid."

"And you want to go there yourself?" Connor asked. "Are you sure that's a good idea? What if they try to start something?"

Lilly was asking herself the same questions. The thought of Negan leaving her again, to walk right into the lion's den, so to speak, immediately filled her with dread.

Negan didn't seem to share everyone else's worries. He leaned back in his chair and put his hands behind his head, looking utterly relaxed and amused.

"Start anything? They won't start fuck-all. They're all still trying to catch their breaths after I shoved my giant dick down their throats. That's why we're going there early. They're still mourning their friend. Still in shock. We go there now, keep their fucking backs bent… they won't say shit even if their fucking mouths are full of it."

Despite being already worried sick about him, Lilly couldn't help but admire Negan's confidence. If he was good at anything (apart from recent discoveries of a more erotic nature), it was reading people. She trusted him if he said that they could surprise Rick and the others. That they could keep the upper hand.

Her eyes caught Lucille, lying on the meeting room table between them. The bat looked shiny and new, with a fresh coil of barbed wire wrapped around it's gleaming wooden frame. No trace was left of the life she and her bearer had taken last night. It gave Lilly a strange sense of confidence. That she, Negan and the other Saviors could conquer anything. It calmed the nagging feeling of unease a little.

It came in waves, rising when she remembered that Negan would go out there to face these demons from her past and present alone, and ebbing when looking at him, touching him, remembering that he was real and strong and confident and that he would do anything to keep her and the Saviors safe.

"So forty outpost guys…" Lilly dove into organization mode to quiet the conflicting emotions, at least for a while. She made some notes on the clipboard in front of her about weapons and cars. "I suppose Seth and Connor? What about you, Andrei, you wanna go?"

"Sure thing, love. I'll take any opportunity to fuck with those assholes."

Lilly smiled at him, happy that they were on the same page. She hoped he could forgive himself one day for what had happened on the road.

"Scratch Connor. I need him and Laura here to make sure people don't go crazy while we're gone." Negan motioned for her notes before facing both Connor and Lilly frowning at him.

"But I can-" Lilly started.

"No, you're coming with me to Alexandria."

"I am?"

"You are. Any objections?"

Lilly thought about that for a moment. Was she ready to face her old community and her old leader? Those people that had taken Jax away from her. Would she be ready to go there in three days without wanting to murder them all?

She felt a slight touch and looked down to see that Negan was tracing the outside of her hand with his index finger. A pleasant tingling went through her body and pooled in her stomach. Lilly blushed. The effect he had on her was obviously not lost on Negan, judging by the grin creeping up on his face. She quickly thought of an answer before he could make a comment that would make everyone but him uncomfortable.

"Nope. I'll come with you. That okay with you, Connor?"

"Yeah. Probably for the best. I still don't trust myself around these fuckers."

"Good," Negan exclaimed. "Because I really can't fucking wait to see the look on Rick the Prick's face when he sees you for the first time. His dick is gonna fall right off."

Lilly was confused. "Wait… you didn't tell them about Jax? Or me?"

"Nope. Not yet. Had to save that for when we take half their shit for the first time."

"And yet they still kneeled for you? They still didn't fight back when their friend died?"

"You ever had any fucking doubts about that, babe?" He winked at her and she was momentarily stunned. "Alright, get the fuck to work. Make sure we have enough cars, gas, weapons. Tell Carson to make room for all the awesome fucking shit we're gonna bring back from Alexandria. We'll have another meeting the night before we leave. And keep your fucking lists in order, people! Don't wanna be short on cars when we go on that run."

Everyone got up and moving and Lilly made sure to close the door behind Connor before turning back to the now empty meeting room. Negan was still in the same position, sitting back in his chair, his hands behind his head, his long legs stretched out before him, looking relaxed.

"Sorry for springing this on you just now. Been meaning to tell you that I want you by my side for our first pick-up, but, you know… I was a little fucking preoccupied with fucking your brains out."

He grinned widely at her and Lilly couldn't help the rush of joy and arousal rising inside of her at the sight of the man she loved. She knew she shouldn't be feeling like a giddy schoolgirl for being taken along to Alexandria. But she knew how worried he was about her. The fact that he would swallow those worries, that he wanted her there, with him, and for her to get at least a small revenge on those people, drowned out all fear about seeing them again. She felt almost light-headed as she sauntered over to where he was sitting at the head of the table.

"You think my brains are already gone? After only two times?" She swung one leg over Negan's thighs and straddled him. He planted his feet back on the floor so she could sit in his lap, his hands immediately going for her hips. Lilly kissed him deeply, putting all her gratitude and affection into the touch of her lips and tongue. When she broke the kiss, a strangled sound came from him, like he didn't want to let go. She smiled at him before she started planting soft pecks to his jawline and down his neck.

"Hmmm… and here I thought I was insatiable…" came the low growl from him. His breathing had become faster already. Lilly grinned against his neck. The effect she had on him was intoxicating.

"What can I say?" She bit down where his neck met his shoulder and he rewarded her with a soft moan. "Turns out I really, really like your dick. In fact…" Her hands found his belt, fumbling with the clasp and then with the buttons on his pants. "Let me show you just how much…"

Lilly freed him from the confines of his pants, happy to see and feel that he was already half hard. She pumped her hand up and down his shaft a couple of times, causing him to let his head fall back and his eyes to close in pleasure.

She slid down to kneel before him, nudging his knees to signal him to spread his legs. Negan looked down at her open mouthed, watching as she worked her right hand over his now fully hard length while the other gently started massaging his balls. When she licked a trail from his base to his head, he hissed, his hands clutching his own thighs.

"Fuck Lil, you have no idea how often I've blown my load thinking about this exact same scenario. You sucking my dick in this room after a meeting." She licked him again and he gasped. "Or during a meeting."

"Oh you too, huh? This used to be my favorite fantasy. Showing my leader my… appreciation." A smile on her lips, she took only the tip in her mouth and sucked experimentally, all the while looking up at him to watch his reaction. The loud moan he rewarded her with sent a mix of tingling and pressure straight to her core.

"Oh God. Fuck!" Panting, he looked back down just as Lilly started taking more of him in. "And here I feared for a moment you just wanted to to thank me for taking you along to Alexandria. Knowing you rubbed one out while thinking about my dick down your throat is in-fucking-finitely better."

She chuckled, the sound muffled with her mouth full. Having his dick all the way down her throat sounded like a brilliant idea, though, and she proceeded to do exactly that. Relaxing her jaw, she let him slide all the way in, until he was buried inside her mouth to the hilt. She could feel, more than see him throwing his head back and a loud groan filled the room. She concentrated on that sound, let it occupy her ears and her mind and her body until the urge to gag became too much and she sat back on her heels, her hand replacing her mouth again.

"Holy… fuck. Keep doing that, baby, and you'll get a nice protein-based breakfast delivered straight to your mouth in record time."

Lilly laughed at that, "That's the plan, silly," and dove back down, eager to see just how fast she could make him come with her tongue and hands.

He seemed to enjoy her giving attention to his balls, so she kept stroking and gently squeezing them while taking him into her mouth again. Bobbing her head up and down over his lap, she took him in as far as possible to then circle her tongue around the tip when she came back up.

At first she interrupted her licking and sucking from time to time to plant small kisses on his balls and along his shaft. She loved looking up, seeing his eyes either clenched shut in pleasure and concentration, or looking down at her, meeting her gaze with a slight frown on his face. She soon found a rhythm that had him grasp a bunch of her hair at the back of her head and elicited a constant stream of curses and moans from him. She decided to keep it up before her jaw started to tire.

Soon enough, his hold on her hair became even tighter and his moans turned to little whines and gasps.

"Fuck… please don't stop. Oh God, Lilly, I'm gonna come."

The fact that he warned her was endearing to her. Lilly hummed appreciatively and fastened her pace, sucking and licking and taking him even deeper down her throat. She could feel his balls tighten and his cock starting to pulsate inside her mouth. A loud groan, followed by the feeling of warm, salty cum hitting her tongue and Lilly had to keep herself from sliding a hand down her pants to find release herself.

She drank all of him, gently massaging him with her tongue and lips until he had spent every last drop inside of her. Negan released her hair and seemed to sag in his seat, still gasping for air with his eyes closed. He twitched when she let him slide from her mouth and opened his eyes to watch her swallow one last time before tucking him away.

She grinned up at him, only to squeal when his hands shot up to grab her arms and pull her into his lap again. His lips were on hers immediately, his tongue demanding entry almost violently. It entered her mouth, exploring its warm and wet depths in powerful strokes, chasing his own taste on her tongue.

His arms wrapped tightly around her waist and back, holding her close to him.

"You're fucking perfect, you know that?" He nuzzled the spot right underneath her earlobe and she shivered with pleasure.

"You're pretty awesome yourself."

They sat like that for a while, wrapped around each other, sharing soft touches and gentle kisses. Lilly thought that she should probably start planning their visit to Alexandria, soon, both in terms of equipment and manpower and regarding her feelings towards her former community. She wanted to go visit Jax's grave again, too. The thought calmed her and made her feel better about facing Rick, and especially Maggie.

The wheels turning in her head came to halt, though, when Negan grabbed her and hoisted her up on the table, deciding it was time to return the favor with enthusiasm and a wicked grin on his face between her thighs.