This chapter is a full confession chapter from Eddward. It will put an end to two major events in this story: Eddward and Kevin's Homecoming conversation, and Eddward's past relationship with Marie. It will set the stage for the new "arc" starting on the 23rd chapter. Onward to less drama (sort of) and more nookie (sort of). This chapter is all told from Eddward's perspective — just his thoughts and dialogue.

Disclaimer: I do not own the original Ed, Edd n' Eddy characters. I only own my interpretation and usage of this plot, and whatever miscellaneous characters I may add. This story will also include scenes not suitable for children or bigots. You have been fairly warned.

Please enjoy!

It's Complicated

21/46

A part of me feels as though I am going to regret this… Good lord. Why is it that this man always has me going out of my comfort zone? How intolerable he is…

"Truthfully, that moment was…" What is he going to do after I tell him what he wants to know? Will he keep to his word and leave? Or will he show his stubborn streak and once more cause me anguish? I hope it is the former — he does appear to be… more reasonable today… "Not a lie. My reaction was wholesome and what one could say as being from the heart…"

Look at him. Shocked. He certainly expected me to say that it was a lie — I could have fibbed and he would have taken that as the reality. What a wasted opportunity. No. No, Eddward. Nothing good comes from lies or hiding away honest feelings — you have already experienced that firsthand.

"I still hate you." Good, keep reminding him of it. Do not allow him to think anything else. It is not a lie, after all. You do hate him. You do. "It is also as I said: since September after you had kissed me, my hatred for you sprung up once more. At that time, as I do now, I hated you." Good, good. You are doing well. "However at that moment…" What to say, what to say? "Things became far more unpleasant than I thought they would be. I had a moment of weakness. It is your fault. Your reaction was…" His reaction at that time… his face… his words… his tears… They were— "Too much… too similar."

Oh but of course he asks, 'Too similar to what?' It is the most obvious response. The question is, then, am I willing to indulge him? Surely if I continue speaking on the matter, this situation will end up being a mimic of that time. I do not want that.

Oh but what if I do not answer? What will he do then? Will he still leave, or urge me to answer him? Oh lord I do not want him to start troubling me once more. He said that this would be the last time, after all. Although his word is meaningless…

…It is a heavy risk, but then again…

"Very well, then. Allow me to answer that in full. So long as you keep to your promise that this is the last that you and I will ever be in this type of situation, I will answer all of your questions."

"Keep in mind, however, that if you do not keep to your word, I will call the authorities to escort you out of my home, and file for a restraining order."

"I will legally make you keep to it."

Good. He has sworn on it. That will protect me… hopefully…

Now to answer his question…

"The Homecoming situation was similar to… Well, as you know, Marie and I had a rather romantic relationship our sophomore year. When it ended… it did not end well. That moment weighs heavily on my heart…"

"You held a striking resemblance to her, then…"

How I abhor that day… I wish I did not remember it as well as I did.

Oh, well, yes, of course he asks me to elaborate. Of course he asks me to tell to him the very things that I have not told Marie, who was a part of that… hullabaloo. He is certainly taking advantage of my previous statement. I should have never said that I would answer all of his questions. This is already so frustrating.

Just put up with it, Eddward. Soon enough this whole arrangement will come to an end, and you can move on with your life. Things will be peaceful and arranged properly, once more. Just a little while longer…

"You are not to let Marie know that you are aware of any of this. I have not even told her the full story of how I felt on that day. This is simply just to get you out of my life, understand?"

"Good."

"Now, listen well: When the end of the relationship came, it was not I that did it. It was Marie. Oh. A moment of context. The relationship came about randomly. I cannot say that before that I had any intent to be with Marie in that way. I can also not say that during it, I acted… seriously. I was well aware of Marie's affection for me and her commitment to the relationship. I knew of her feelings for me. Looking back, it feels as though I took advantage of these elements — of her affection and devotion towards me. It makes me feel awful, truly."

"It started randomly. She and I had grown close, and one day we had our first mutual kiss. It occurred but a few weeks after you first kissed me, during the time I spent as much time as I could out of the cul-de-sac in order to avoid you. You were aware of that, correct? Of course you were. You left so many messages in my voicemail that whenever I did come back to my own home periodically on some business, I avoided the voicemail until I absolutely had to see if any important messages came in. You are annoyingly persistent…"

"The evening after the kiss occurred, she and I conversed for a while. The gist of it centers on the dreaded conversation topic of 'What are we?' The conclusion, as you know, came to be in the form of the romantic relationship. During it, all seemed well. However, that is only because I did not know of Marie's true feelings. Well, no. Not her 'true' feelings. She was being truthful throughout, she simply made the choice of withholding some details from me — not that I was entitled to know of them, in the first place. I hold no ill will to her not telling me how she fully felt, beforehand. Yet at the same time… when she did tell me, I did wish that I had known prior to that moment, so that I could have offered a solution for it."

"When she told me everything — everything — I was shocked. Then she told me that because of that 'everything,' she could no longer be friends with me. I was hurt. Incredibly hurt. I…"

You are choking up, Eddward… hold yourself together…

"The similarity that I mentioned to you earlier comes in that, when Marie confessed to me her darkest thoughts, she looked very much like you did during your confession… Your crying face, wet voice, and much of your body language made it feel as though I were reliving that moment again. It was… I admit to losing sight of the fact that you are you, and not Marie, when that happened…"

"I hope you understand how much that moment hurt me. No. Not your confession, but Marie's — although your confession did hurt as well. Yes, I also know that you were hurt during it, too. I have not lost sight of that. Continuing on, when Marie confessed me to the way she did, and when she told me that because of that, we could no longer be friends… I was traumatized. It occurred slowly, but did so nonetheless. I could not comprehend why due to those emotions a solid relationship had to end. I did not care that the romantic context was finished — I could go on living easily without that as I did with it, and our relationship had not held such context before that kiss — what I cared about was that due to such a… silly thing, Marie and I would no longer be able to be near one another. We could no longer spend our days together, going out, staying in, having adventures, and helping one another out. I was incredibly angry. I was incredibly confused; saddened; frustrated; it seemed to be an endless tornado of negativity…"

Stay calm, Eddward, stay calm…

"I never wanted to be in a situation like that again — especially not after Marie and I were finally able to reconcile the relationship through the help of Lee and May. I am eternally thankful for that. Despite all that, it did occur once more — to some extent — when you confessed to me. During that Homecoming night, I remember getting this appalling sense of déjà vu… It is why I said what I did. Hearing something such as that is 'scary' because… it felt as though I were going to relive one of my worst moments…"

Breathe, keep it steady, stay calm, stay calm…

"I…"

Stay calm. Calm. Calm…

"I lost myself in that fear… that is why I reacted the way I did. It is why I started to weep, and was barely able to keep myself together… I would like to take this time to once more apologize for that — as much as I hated being forced to show you that side of me, I hated forcing you to see me like that, more. It is… unsightly."

"Yes, well… I dislike displays such as that, nevertheless."

"Well, then, the rest of what happened that night, you know. The moment of weakness lasted far longer than I would have liked, and I… said to you that I would cooperate with you. Yes, yes. I do remember that well. Do not get me wrong. As… Truthfully, as dishonorable and disrespectful as it is, I did not intend to keep to my word, then. My way of thinking of it was, 'I was not in the right state of mind when I said what I did. There is no reason to uphold it. I was not my usual self — incapable of consenting to any such thing.' Yes, yes. Deplorable, I know. Even more so that I still have no regrets for doing that, and likely never will."

"Hence why I treated you the way I did, after. Then one thing led to another, and now here we are… Now, do tell me, is that enough to satisfy you? I do hope you realize the weight of all that I have just said to you…"

I have not even said to Marie any of this. Surely if he is able to understand that, this will be considered more than enough to fulfill my end of the bargain.

—Goodness how emotionally overwhelming this has been. Telling him these things… my feelings… was of no easy task. I wish I could recant my statements. Ought I to tell him that that was all a lie? No. Then that would be a lie, and surely nothing good will come from it. I just want all of this to be over. I just want to be able to move on with my life and finally be free of Kevin Barr…

Ah, yes.

Of course that is not enough. How greedy, yet clever. I have sworn to and am carrying out the act of answering all of his questions, so it is only logical that he asks such a probing question.

"Have I ever felt romantically inclined towards someone other than Marie? Oh, well, allow me to guess — you specifically wish to know if I ever felt such a thing for you, or perhaps in general, a member of the same sex?"

This had better not cause him to get riled up…

"No. I have not."

"Specifically for you. While I have looked at other members of my sex and felt them physically attractive — the type of people with whom I would not mind being in a romantic relationship with — I cannot say that I have ever felt that for you, or even carried it out with another. It is one thing to say that a person is, well, dateable, and another to actually date them."

Oh, yes, of course he would ask this next.

"No, I am not homosexual…"

Oh. I did not think he knew of anything besides that; he likely came across that knowledge from Inez, I am sure. Unless someone else in his circle of companions was informed on the sexualities to a lesser known extent.

"I am not bisexual, either."

Hm… how far does his knowledge on the subject go?

"I actually feel no sexual inclination towards anyone, truth be told. While I have had sexual experiences in the past, I feel that what drove me to be with them is nothing more than curiosity… Although there is the possibility of some being due to boredom."

"What? Of course I have had more than one sexual partner. I see. You expected me to have no experience outside of my relationship with Marie… I do not blame you. I know that with how I have chosen to present myself to others, the majority of them likely believe me to be a virgin regardless of what else they may have heard."

Although there are some that tease about me having a harem; as though I could ever be holder of such a thing. How messy…

"Well, is that all?"

"Oh. If I am not homosexual or bisexual, then what I am?"

"That is quite a rude way to put it — are you trying to make me hostile? I sure hope as not, as I would like the night to end without problems… Well, to answer your question, if you must now my sexuality, I will tell you. I identify as being asexual."

He looks incredibly confused. So he does not know of what goes beyond the more well-known hetero and homo and bisexual identities. How simple...

"If you wish to know more about it, ask Inez. I for one refuse to assist in your understanding of such a simple construct. I am also certain she would be much more capable at explaining it to you in a way that you would be able to understand. Is that all, then? I feel as though I have answered, in full, your questions. I would also very much like to rest now."

Leave already.

You have been in my home for far too long.

—How odd.

The last time you were in my home was years ago…

Well, no use in thinking of that now. This will be the absolute last time I allow you to step foot through my front doorway. When you leave, Barr, I will finally be at peace — something I look forward to very much.

Hurry up now, collect your things and leave. I care not for your apologies or anything of the sort. Just leave.

Yes, just like that. Leave.

"Yes. Fare thee well, Kevin Barr. Make sure to keep to your promise."

Yes. Finally. I am free of him.

Goodness that was stressful. Thankfully I managed to maintain my cool while he was here. How civil he and I managed to be. For that I am very thankful.

…How odd, though. That earlier thought on him not having been in my home, now has me reminiscing on the subject. What did we use to do when he was here? Ah, yes. Now I remember. We would either converse or study or entertain ourselves in some way. Oh. There was a time he tried to talk me into getting an entertainment system to play videogames — a dreadful thought, really… Although…

No, no. There is no use in thinking of this now. What is done, is done. Now all that is left is to move forward and continue living the life that I want. I have no time looking back on the past. I need to prepare for my future.

Perhaps tomorrow I ought to spend some time working on the applications for my target universities?

Yes. That would be best to do.

There you have it. Eddward's full confession on various subjects. The "end" of his and Kevin's current relationship. No more cat and mouse.

Next Chapter: A very long chapter meant for exposition on Eddward's character, and his beliefs. It is time to explain why this rendition of Eddward is the way he is, and his motives, before moving on to the new "arc".

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Updates every Monday and Friday.

~ Inkle