Author's Note: I honestly don't know what to say right now (almost never happens), so... please enjoy! XD

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Chapter 21: Bonds

Dreams have a way of communicating our suppressed desires, but they also have the power to reveal our darkest fears in a nightmarish form. I had to wonder what category the images that kept me up at night fell into. In my visions, Kai's warm, chocolate brown orbs were filled with a tender love for me as they gazed down from the sky above, yet when I came back to earth, I found Rick was the one at my side. Of course I recognized the issues that were playing out in my mind although I had felt I'd put my conscience at ease concerning the troubling matter. My decision had been clear enough, so I assumed that meant the whole ordeal was already done and over with.

However, as I lay there in the darkness, squinting up at the ceiling in frustration, I couldn't find a solution to my troubling, reoccurring dreams. I rested the back of my hand against my forehead and sighed in defeat. I had chosen Rick in the end, and I felt whatever Kai and I had had between us was no longer a part of who I was. I knew that it hadn't been an easy choice to make, but it was one of the few things I had been absolutely sure of. I tried to close my eyes again to shut out the waking world, yet it proved to be a losing struggle on my part since not a moment passed until more of the same images came to haunt me.

Glancing over at the red glow of the clock behind Rick's sleeping form, I found it was only four thirty in the morning. With the way things were going, I figured I might as well just get myself out of bed and start the day. If I got everything taken care of earlier than what was usually expected, I might be able to catch Lance before he slipped out to spend time with his real father.

I frowned when I thought about how my own son had been avoiding me over the past week. He would sneak out of the house while Rick and I were busy with our chores, and then he'd come back home long after we had gone to bed. It may have been childish behavior for him at sixteen, but I decided I wouldn't let it get to me. He had to come to terms with what had happened in his own time, and there wasn't much I could do to speed the process along. He would either accept it, or he'd reject me altogether though I wasn't sure how I'd cope with that should it come to pass. Even so, I told myself to be patient with him.

Although I did my best not to disturb the man beside me, I had to crawl over him to get ready for the awaiting farm work. Rather suddenly, I felt Rick's large hand take a gentle hold of my slender wrist, and I paused in my attempt to get across the bed. He mumbled something incoherent as he sat upright, but once he was more awake, he managed to ask me quietly, "Is something wrong, Claire?"

I smiled to reassure him before I realized he wouldn't be able to see my gesture given the predawn hours and the fact he was without his glasses. "I'm just having trouble sleeping is all..." I explained in a whisper. "You can go back to bed if you want, though."

"No, I'm alright," he replied, drawing me close to him. "You're the one I'm worried about right now." My cheeks warmed in response to his concern, and I snuggled into his chest affectionately. He merely chuckled and ran his fingers through my hair while I let my body rest comfortably against him. As if just being near him soothed away all of my troubled thoughts, I felt myself drifting off into a peaceful slumber once more, and the twisted dream I had been having throughout the night miraculously dissolved into nothingness.

--

The morning which followed was anything but restful as I busied myself in the fields, yet I couldn't say I minded the physical labor since it kept my mind off of the mere idea of relationships. Although I suppose I was being immature, I preferred not to consider my problems. Perhaps I'd spent too much time dwelling them as it was, or maybe I simply didn't know how to handle the emotional tide that had flooded my entire being. It washed over me again and again whenever I glanced towards the man in the pasture not too far off.

Rick was dependable even if it was an understatement of the most cliched nature. He was still every bit of the responsible young man I'd met just over two decades ago, yet I felt he'd grown much stronger in both body and mind since then. He no longer flew off the handle when someone mentioned his father, and his well intended leave, or even the traveler, his self-proclaimed rival. Kai may have come into the midst of the relative happiness we'd built around ourselves in the past sixteen years, but he didn't seem to let the unexpected turn of events get under his skin while he continued on living his life as usual. It was an admirable trait that he'd come to adjust to the changes as they came. He was adaptable if nothing else.

Maybe that's what I loved the most about the poultry farmer now that I think of it...

"Claire?" I blinked, bringing the very man I'd been thinking of into focus, to realize he was suddenly standing in front of me. "Are you tired?" he pressed, concern ringing in his voice. "I know you didn't sleep really well last night... so I can finish up here if you want to lay down for a bit."

Although I knew his heart was in the right place, I shook my head. "I'll be alright, Rick," I assured him with a weak smile. "I think I'm just going into town, though, if that's okay with you." I could see the hurt in his eyes when I suggested it, and I realized that he could see right through me to the truth. However, he was kind enough not to comment on it. He really was good to me in moments such as these, like he understood exactly how I felt at the time.

"It's alright with me," he replied almost too eagerly, sharing a small smile of his own. Then seeing that I wasn't convinced by his performance, he added in a softer tone, "I don't blame you for wanting to go see him, you know..." Gazing up at him, I wasn't so sure that was truly the case since he seemed rather weary himself. As if he had read my mind once more, I was being held securely in his arms. Rick took a deep breath and sighed, but I didn't lift my head or say a word. I only waited for him to feel at ease. "I just don't want to see you get hurt again, Claire. I..."

Even while what he was about to say had trailed off, I understood him well enough to know how to finish the statement. I had to imagine it was hard for him to just let me go off and see the man who I had once loved so dearly that I'd been willing to be his wife. Yes... More than anything, he was afraid of losing me, and it didn't really matter to whom. It certainly didn't help any for his rival in love to have been his life-sworn enemy, either.

"Don't worry, Rick," I mumbled into his chest, "I just can't help but think about Kai right now... Lance isn't only my son, after all..." There was one more thought that rang out to him, but I kept it to myself. He really didn't have to concern himself with my feelings towards the traveler, and I knew this all too well. I wouldn't let Kai get the better of me because without love...

...there was simply nothing left for him to hurt.

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My steps were surprisingly hesitant as I made my way through the town. I continued to tell myself that I wasn't on edge about going to see him again, yet I found I couldn't stop shaking. Although it was a common occurrence for me in the past, I wasn't too happy to have the nervous habit resurface, and I tried to stop my hands from trembling by shoving them deep into the pockets of my jacket. However, my efforts did little to improve my condition any, and the tremors actually became worse. I could only hope that no one stumbled across me in my frazzled state...

"Claire, I see you're doing well, all things considered." I glanced up sharply to see whoever had caught me passing by, but my body instantly relaxed once I'd realized who the voice belonged to. Even though I was a bit perturbed to have been found during one of my frailer moments, I was relieved to see who had called out to me.

"Karen, it's good to see you," I greeted her with a slight laugh, running my thin fingers through my hair. "How've you been lately? We don't see much of you these days..." I didn't mention exactly how long it'd been since we'd really spoken, outside of my visits to the supermarket every Saturday, but it had certainly been long before Kai had returned. If I hadn't known better, I might've felt as though she had been avoiding me like many of the other villagers in town.

"Well, I've been busy because of Dad retiring a while back, you know," she explained with a half-hearted sigh.

"Is something wrong at the shop?" I asked softly. Gazing up at me, I noted that her emerald eyes still had their spark, yet I could tell there was something slightly amiss in her usual character. Though she'd never been an excitable sort, she was well known for her spunk and her gift for talking to people. Thus, it was rather peculiar to have found her so subdued, and I couldn't help wondering if there was something I could do to take her mind off of whatever may be troubling her.

She merely shrugged in reply before letting her eyes glaze over in thought. I gave the woman a brief look over while she preoccupied herself, not wanting to step away just yet. Her dark blonde hair hadn't grayed any, and overall, she seemed to be more or less the same as she was in our younger days. Only the few wrinkles she did have hinted at her true age, and even those that were there went practically unnoticed. She had lost a bit of weight which left her clothes hanging loosely on her body. Although I was concerned on that point, I reassured myself that she had always been quite thin to begin with. However, that just made me question my own physical state instead...

"Not unless you count being bored out of my mind with everyone dealing with their own problems," Karen muttered, crossing her arms over her chest. "No one has the time to sit back and enjoy themselves anymore..."

"Tired of drinking alone, are you?" I teased with a heart-felt laugh. It would figure...

"Yeah," she agreed with a chuckle of her own. "Duke's not much of a boozer any more without much competition. Besides, I put an end to the tab system Dad had set up a long time ago." Flashing me a proud smile, she continued, "We're actually making a good profit now!" I had to roll my eyes when I considered her family business's former means of getting customers. There were countless times I had walked into the small grocery to happen upon Karen giving her father a piece of her mind concerning their financial affairs, and I wouldn't say that they were the warmest moments I'd ever witnessed in the small town, either.

"Good to hear!" I congratulated her, giving her a friendly clap on the back. "Since you're so tired of going to the bar alone, how about Rick and I join you tonight, being that it's Tuesday and all?" It was as much as an invitation to her as it was a chance for me to take a night off for a bit of pleasure. I was also certain that Rick would do well to have her in his company since neither one of them had seen much of the other. I hadn't meant to, but I always felt like I'd shoved a wedge between them after I found myself becoming closer to her best friend in my time of need.

The guilt, whether real or imagined had always weighed heavily on me, too. I hated the thought of being the one to ruin such a wonderful bond between the two, and perhaps an evening of them being in their childhood friend's company might lighten the mood for the whole lot of us. One could only hope, I suppose...

"Are you sure?" Karen asked hesitantly. At first I raised an eyebrow while I waited for any further explanation. Luckily for me, she obliged, "Well, Kai is staying at the inn, isn't he?"

"So?" I replied with a shrug. When she blinked in surprise, I realized that she didn't quite understand that I had moved on. I suppose I shouldn't have assumed anything less from my neighbors because I was taking the whole situation rather well, given how I had acted in previous years. My ability to keep my composure must've been unexpected by the locals, and I couldn't blame them for their opinions of me. "There's nothing left between us," I clarified a bit smugly, completely assured in myself and how I felt.

"Just because you've moved on, Claire, doesn't mean he has," she reminded me while shaking her head in dismay. "But if you're alright with seeing him there, then I guess it won't matter to me any." I nodded, glad she understood where I was coming from. "Your boy and him headed over to the beach, so I guess I'll let you go since you're probably looking for them."

"Thanks. I'll see you tonight then," I agreed, giving her a brief wave as I left. I felt it was somewhat strange how she had sent me off on my way so abruptly. Perhaps I was right to believe she knew something that I didn't seem to realize, but regardless of what I thought, I didn't have the means to support my inclinations. I let it roll off my shoulders as I considered the likelihood that I was merely on edge, and being that I was still shaking so terribly, that was most likely the case.

Therefore, I continued in the direction towards the Snack Shack without further delay. A gentle, autumn breeze drifted along the cobbled street and sent shiver went down my spine from the chill as I drew my jacket closer to me. It was eerily silent now with only the soft wind and the creaking of the barren branches overhead. I had once heard that this was the season in which death slowly made its return onto the earth. Although it was nothing more than an old tale, I could understand where the sentiments came from, for everything had certainly begun to take on a dull, almost gray hue. Even the animals I usually saw scurrying across the brick pathways seemed to go at a sluggish, sleepy pace.

I, myself, didn't feel near the vigor I used to when I was a young woman with a heart full of happiness and promise. After all, I thought I'd found an everlasting love at the time in the most wonderfully charming man of my wildest dreams, yet I had to wonder if I felt the same giddiness in my middle age. Maybe I would always be the love-struck fool, though...

Just after that consideration sunk back into my sub-conscience, I was suddenly aware of the pair that was headed towards me. While one hobbled at an uneasy pace, the other took short, even strides alongside his crippled companion, and it didn't take more than a glance to recognize who was stepping out from the square. Even though I was happy to see it, I was rather surprised to find that my son was... smiling in his true father's company. I hadn't seen Lance's cheeky grin in far too long, and I would've enjoyed to have basked in its warmth for some time longer if it hadn't been for the older man taking notice of me.

"Nice to see you again, Claire," he addressed me somewhat breathlessly. I deliberately looked away from him, wanting to avoid the tenderness that shone in his eyes like it had in my dreams earlier that morning. Instead, I focused on the young man at his side, and although I hadn't expected it, he actually gave me a small smile. Still, he wouldn't say a word to me yet, or so it seemed. However, I was more than content for him to show that at least some of his resentment for me had waned. "Were you looking for him?" his father asked, following my steady gaze.

"Well, yes, I was," I agreed with a faint laugh, "but if you two are-"

"That's alright," Kai interrupted me, flashing one of his brilliant smiles. While everything else of his had aged, that trait of his wasn't about to grow old any time soon. His teeth would forever remain perfectly white and even, and the way it brightened his entire face wouldn't fade away. It was the largest part of his charm which had won my heart before. However, no matter how much I enjoyed seeing it, it would never mean the same to me like it once had. "I was just walking the boy home before I headed back to the Shack for the evening."

"Aren't you staying at the inn?" I pressed as I furrowed my brow in concern. He was going to answer me when Lance beat him to it.

"Dad's running low on cash," he explained abruptly. Kai noticeably flinched at the announcement. Then he proceeded to rub the back of his neck in embarrassment while his cheeks warmed slightly. At first, I was a bit perturbed to think he could be so careless until I happened to glance down to the stump that had formerly been his right leg.

Of course he was low on money... With a disability like that, it was doubtful he'd be find a decent paying job. He couldn't even work behind a desk, given that he hadn't bothered to graduate high school as a kid, and a college degree had been completely out of the question as a result. Although his lack of an education hadn't been much of a problem during his former, more comfortable life as a free-spirited traveler, he was certainly upset with himself at the moment.

Still, that wasn't an excuse for not telling me about his financial troubles beforehand.

Under my accusing glare, the older man glanced away and swallowed the lump that formed in his throat. "I just didn't think it'd right to tell you..." he pardoned himself tactfully. I raised an eyebrow which was my signal for him to continue. He did so without much hesitation, I might add. "I used up almost everything I had to get back here, you know."

"You should've told me that was the case," I retorted with a huff. I heaved a weary sigh and began to lecture him, "Kai, I can easily put up for your rent if you need me to... It's better than having you sleep in that flimsy Snack Shack of yours, and winter'll be setting in sooner than you might think." I paused for a moment before asking, "That is if you're planning on staying?" After all, who was to say he'd be living in our small town much longer? He was like a breath on the wind at times...

He nodded that that was indeed the case, and I couldn't help but feel the relief spread across my shoulders to know he would be around for some time yet. It was a reassuring thought, for Lance's sake if nothing else. Although I hadn't seen for myself how they managed to get along, I could only assume it had been going smoothly. After all, I could already begin to see my son returning to me in little more than a week since our argument. He had even gone so far as to call Kai 'Dad,' and while I had to wonder what the boy considered Rick's relationship to him to be, it would a promising development all the same. Besides, I wouldn't have felt comfortable with the idea of him referring to his father by his first name.

"But," I informed my estranged husband rather harshly, "I'll only be paying for your stay at the inn until I can get Gotz to make the Snack Shack more livable for you." His mouth fell slightly agape, and I chuckled to myself to see the astonishment in his questioning gaze. "Deal?" I offered as if he really had a choice in the matter.

"Claire, I don't want you to have to pay for anything of mine," the traveler protested though I clearly see her was grateful to me all the same. "Give me some time, and I'll be able to handle it myself... I don't need your-"

"Kai, I'm not doing this as charity work," I assured him with an aggravated sigh. "If you were more... capable of taking care of it, then I'd leave you to it, but... Well, to be frank, I'm not going to have 'my baby's daddy' left to fend for himself." That comment actually managed to get a laugh out of my rather sullen son which I took as a personal victory in itself. Tthe man glared at me for mentioning his physical deformity, but I believed I had given him a more than fair bargain because all he had to lose was a bit of his pride. However, I also felt it was much better than the alternative of spending his miserable days in a breezy shanty during the bitterly cold and unmerciful Mineral Town winter.

Little did I realize how torturous the season would prove for myself since I hadn't even considered how the night following my well intentions would turn. If I had only known how deep Kai's feelings for me still ran, perhaps I would've understood how I had come to lead him on so cruelly, and maybe there was a chance I would've ended whatever had begun once again...

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Author's Note: Okay, sorry for the cliffhanger, but this chapter felt like it was dragging on. Therefore, I had to find a way to cut it off somewhere.

I've actually found that reading the chapters I just finished aloud helps me write better. They just seem to have improved by using this technique, but maybe that's just my opinion. :)