It didn't take long before there was a knock on the bathroom door. Cress pulled herself to her feet and tried to wipe away her tears. "Just—just a minute!" she called.
She was mortified that she may have been caught crying, but she was also thankful that the forced interruption meant she could not sit and wallow in self-pity for long. She'd had her cry, and she needed to move on.
Easier said than done. A girl could dream about her problems disappearing down the sink at the same time that she turned it off, though.
She opened the door to find her mother standing there. The expression on her face told her that she knew exactly what Cress was doing in the bathroom. She held open her arms, and it took Cress only a moment to fall into them.
Cress let out a small sob. She was surprised how comforting it was to be held by her mother of all people, but she found it was exactly what she needed.
"I'm so embarrassed," said Cress, her voice muffled by the way her face was smushed against her mom's sweater. It was more than embarrassment. It was a deep, aching hurt, but embarrassment was the only emotion she could properly describe without revealing the truth about Thorne.
"I had a feeling you would say that." Her mother stroked her hair. After a few moments of silence, she said, "Why don't we move this conversation elsewhere?"
Cress sniffed. "I don't want anyone to hear."
Her mother pulled away. "I know just the place."
She took off down the hallway, but in the opposite direction of the living room. Cress followed her with a shaky sigh. They passed Sybil and Levana's master bedroom area, which opened into a different section of the house—one that was completely off-limits to family and visitors alike. Cress had never seen inside it, besides the one-time glimpse of a bed when she had been playing as a child and the housekeeper had left the door open.
Her mother continued walking, her blonde hair bouncing against her shoulders. The image of Thorne saying, "What a fine looking mama," flashed into her mind, and she tripped over her own feet. When he had first met her mom on Friday, Thorne had said that he knew then where Cress had gotten her good looks from. She had thought he was merely trying to be polite, but the truth seemed to have come out. Thorne really did think her mother was attractive. She wondered if Thorne had also been telling the truth about her resemblance to her mother rather than her father, who Thorne apparently thought was ugly.
Cress tried to think of the moment she had first started believing that she wasn't pretty. There was a time when she did consider herself beautiful. She remembered being little and feeling like a glamorous princess, keen on dressing up and putting on musical performances for her parents. Now those memories were buried by a mountain of other memories in which she felt inadequate and unbeautiful.
In all of them, it was always because she compared herself to others. She was less pretty than Winter. She was less desirable than Winter. But it hadn't stopped there. She could recount so many times when she had compared herself to the rest of her family too, just as Thorne had done.
If there was no one there to compare herself to, she didn't feel that bad about herself. It was one of the reasons she had removed herself from Winter's presence—and most of her family—for the last few months.
Briefly before calling 1-800-CAPTAIN, Cress had heard a song on the radio that was all about loving herself. She had immediately bought the song on iTunes and listened to it on repeat. And bawled on repeat. In a strange twist of fate, however, the song had actually pushed her to research escorts for this big holiday weekend. She wished she could have enough confidence to love herself in that way—like the song told her to, like her younger self had—but she simply wasn't there yet.
Thorne had assured her on the phone that it was his job to give her confidence and make her look good.
If someone had asked her just a few minutes ago, she would have said that he was performing his job perfectly. That her confidence was going up.
But it had only taken a few seconds to shatter any progress she'd made on this front. Every time she convinced herself that she was worth it, someone was there to knock her down. She had never expected that Thorne would be the one to do it this time.
He had lied to her.
She hiccuped and almost ran into her mom as she stopped in the mudroom of all places. It was the one by the boat garage, behind Levana and Sybil's private section of the house. Cress stuck her head into the room to make sure that there really was no in the vicinity.
Her mother took a seat on the large brown ottoman and patted the spot next to her. When Cress sat down, she said, "Sweetie, I think you were rather hard on Carswell when the two of you left the living room."
Anger reared up. "I can't believe you're defending him!"
"He did say that I was attractive."
Her mother laughed, but Cress grew even more angry. "It must be funny for you, considering that you tend to say embarrassing things when you're under the influence of alcohol as well."
The laughing stopped immediately. Her mother peered down at her lap and pursed her lips. Cress didn't know how to react to the silence. She didn't like confrontation, and she had just unearthed a huge issue that her family was always trying to sweep under the rug. It was also an extremely rude thing to say to her mother on Christmas.
"I understand that you're frustrated, Cress, but there's no need to talk to me in that tone."
"I'm sorry," she mumbled.
"Let's focus on you and Carswell. That's what I came to talk to you about anyway."
Cress wanted to talk about anything but her and Carswell, but she knew holding it in wouldn't help anything. She tended to bottle things up inside and then would explode in little fits of anger when her emotions became too much to keep for herself. That, or she retreated into her shell of insecurity and didn't come out for a long, long time.
"So talk," she said, crossing her arms and staring at her shoe.
"My, you are grumpy today aren't you? Cheer up, sweetie, nobody likes a grinch. It's Christmas and you have a wonderful boyfriend who loves you."
Cress, who had narrowed her eyes at the word grinch, looked up suddenly. That was not at all what she had expected her mom to say about Thorne.
"You heard him, Mom. He clearly loves Winter."
Even as she said it, it rang false in her ears. Thorne hadn't said he loved Winter, only that she was hot. At the moment, it still felt like the same thing.
"That's not true at all," her mother insisted, putting a hand on Cress's knee. "I've been watching the both of you very closely this whole weekend and if one thing is clear, it's that that boy is completely enamored with you." She nodded confidently at Cress. "I have not seen him shoot even more than a cursory glance at your sister. And why should he want her when he has you already?"
"You heard him. Winter is hot and he can't believe we're sisters."
"He started off by saying how pretty you were."
Cress shrugged.
"You need to cut him some slack. You broke his fingers and he wasn't upset with you at all. That alone deserves a little forgiveness at the holidays. Sure, he said some things that could be considered inappropriate. But this is not the first or last holiday party of this family or any family where someone will drink a little too much and make a spectacle of themselves." She shook her head. "Don't you remember when Uncle Garan brought that special whiskey to the cabin three years ago and decided to go on a rampage about Levana's lack of decorating skills?"
"I vaguely remember that," she conceded. "I don't remember it being a big deal though."
"Well, that's because you're not Levana, who can't ever let go of a grudge. But besides her being sour about it on occasion, it's never come up in conversation again. But this outburst from Carswell is much different than what Garan did. I doubt he was seriously trying to get drunk, whereas Garan drank the entire bottle in under five minutes to prove a point to Sybil. You may not remember that part either."
Cress scrunched up her face. "No."
"Secondly, Carswell is under the influence of medication. Kai explained what was going on after you left. He feels terrible for giving him beer. But not to worry. All of us have felt the effects of painkillers at some point in our lives, haven't we? They're terrible. I doubt a few beers would normally make Carswell respond this way, unless this is the first time he's ever had alcohol. Is it?"
"No," she said, though she really had no idea about Thorne's drinking patterns.
She realized with a heavy heart that she really knew nothing about Thorne that he hadn't shared with her. Not even his house with its bare walls had given her any clues about his day-to-day habits. She had even wondered, on the drive to the cabin, whether that house was where he lived on a daily basis. Maybe he was so rich that he only used this one for when he met his clients.
"He really does not seem like the type of guy who would want to make a show like that in front of his girlfriend's family. You know him better than me, though."
She let her head lean against the wall. Her mom was right. But that wasn't why it had hurt. "No, he definitely wouldn't do that on purpose."
Her mom rubbed her knee more. "You see? He probably underestimated just how much the alcohol would affect him while on medication. And on top of that, it's extremely nerve-racking for a guy to not only meet his girlfriend's family for the first time, but to spend an entire weekend with them. And the extended family too! Can you imagine doing that with his family?"
The question caught Cress off-guard. She had not given Thorne's family much consideration. She didn't know if any of the things he'd said about his pretend half-Puerto Rican family were even true. Not now, when she was doubting everything that he had said to her in private this weekend. But, no matter who they were, she knew that spending a weekend with a family she didn't know would be even more terrifying than spending a weekend with her own. "His father is intimidating," she said.
"I can tell that Carswell is trying very hard to impress this family and until this one moment, he's done a fantastic job. And even now, when his inhibitions are down, he could have gone and insulted everybody like Garan did. But instead he just complimented everyone, which was kind of sweet in its own way, if not a bit awkward. Perhaps he could have been nicer to your aunts, but at least he was being genuine."
"Ugh! Genuine about how much he likes Winter! Everyone always likes Winter better." The words slipped out before she could help herself. She covered her mouth with her hand, horrified.
Her mom's arm wrapped around Cress's shoulder, pulling her closer. Cress wanted to cry again. "Winter is so beautiful," she whispered.
"You are beautiful and unique, Cress."
"You have to say that because you're my mom," Cress sniffed.
"I say it because it's true. And you're not just beautiful on the outside. You are one of the smartest people I've ever met. When you put your mind to something, you figure it out—you don't stop until you have a solution. You are unstoppable when you apply yourself. Your father and I couldn't be more proud of you. And now you have a wonderful boyfriend on top of it. Look at the young woman you've become!"
Though it was somewhat cheesy, Cress cracked a small smile. She still felt like her mom had to say the words, but it felt good to hear them nonetheless. They were words she'd only heard perhaps twice in recent years. Once at her graduation, and then yesterday in the car with her dad. "Thanks, Mom."
"That's my girl," said her mom, hugging her closer. "Now let's go back and join everyone. It's almost time for dinner."
Cress kept herself busy for the next two hours, helping in the kitchen with final meal preparations and then later in the dining room to get dinner ready. Despite her mother's insistence that she was off kitchen duty, it felt better keeping herself busy so that she didn't have to think about anything besides the tasks at hand.
The only two people who mentioned Thorne's declaration of affection for all the women in the family were Ran and Kai.
Ran had clapped her on the back and said, "Your boyfriend is my hero!" and laughed hysterically. She had managed to simply roll her eyes and brush him off.
Kai had apologized for being an "accomplice" in getting Thorne drinking. He had also—interestingly enough—said that Thorne had been practically gushing about how much he loved Cress during their time together in the hot tub. "He's very smitten," Kai had finished.
Setting up for dinner was chaotic as usual. Levana and Sybil's house was bigger than most, but getting the tables joined together to fit that many people was always a challenge. Cress wasn't sure why her aunts insisted on taking everything down between the bigger meals, since they always had to re-set everything up for the next one.
The pressed tablecloths had to line up perfectly over the connected tables of different lengths and widths. The candles had to have exact spacing between each of them. The special silverware and dishware had to be used and set up according to her aunts' standards.
"Presentation is everything," they always insisted.
Place cards were set out according to a pre-determined seating chart. Little boxes of mini-chocolates (not from Levana or Sybil, but from Maha) were set next to each glass.
Cress tried to hum to herself as she added the final touch of holly beside the candles. She was trying to absorb her mother's words and the words of the song that she remembered, which had stated something similar. For her own sanity, she needed to absorb them.
She was beautiful and unique and smart.
She was beautiful and unique and smart.
She was beautiful and unique and smart.
She would get through this. Thorne's outburst only affected her. She would find a way to deal with his lies at another time.
It was Christmas. Christmas was not a time to be sad.
When dinner was served, Cress took the same seat she'd been sitting in for years. Place cards were hardly necessary, since everyone had memorized their spot as if they were in a school classroom. But Levana insisted that with new additions to their family every year—and this year there were two—order was just as necessary as presentation. Cress was always at the end of the table, the round part with the annoying table legs preventing her from scooting completely under the table with her chair.
Cress's place card sat next to the one that said "Cress's boyfriend" and was crossed out with a hastily-scribbled "Carswell." It was better than Liam's, which simply said "Iko's date." She had wanted to add his name to it while setting the table, but with Levana watching, she hadn't dared.
Thorne's seat was, of course, vacant, and Cress felt slightly bad for not waking him for dinner. Though she was still mad at him and hurt by his words, she had to admit that she had missed his constant presence in the last two hours. It was strange to think that they'd been inseparable since Friday afternoon—even while sleeping.
"I don't think anyone is going home tomorrow," said Winter, taking the seat on the other side of her. She was scrolling through her phone. "It's supposed to keep snowing until at least 2:00 A.M."
Jacin, who sat on the other side of her, took her hand. "We shouldn't have scheduled the meeting so early. Can you call and cancel?"
"What meeting?" said Scarlet, who sat across from Jacin.
"Our wedding planner," said Winter, biting her lip nervously. "She's extremely busy and doesn't have a lot of time to meet. I doubt she will answer a phone call on Christmas either."
"You could leave a message," Jacin suggested.
"I can't believe you have a wedding planner," said Ran, who was in the seat next to Thorne's empty one. "Why can't you just do your own work?" In a mocking voice, he added, "Oh, dear wedding planner, I must have this exact flower."
On the other side of him, Scarlet smacked him.
"Nice one," said Ze'ev, on the other side of her.
Kai leaned over Ze'ev to join the conversation. Cress couldn't hear what he said, though, because he was too far away and there was too much noisy chatter. Ze'ev, Scarlet, and Jacin laughed though. Winter shook her head with a smile.
"I'm sure it'll be fine," said Cress to her sister as much as to herself. Snow would not keep her trapped here. "Carswell has to get home on a rushed schedule too. Let's just hope that the weather will be on our side."
Winter smiled at her and nodded. "I suppose it would be fun to stay together for another day, if worst comes to worst."
"Levana has snow plow services too, doesn't she?" asked Jacin.
That perked Cress up. The last thing she needed was to get stuck here another day with Thorne. She couldn't afford it—not even another hour of his time.
"Forget the snow," said Scarlet. "What are you going over tomorrow with your wedding planner?"
"It's to finalize details on the ceremony," said Winter. "I think Jacin and I want to keep it simpler than we originally imagined."
"Really?" said Cress. She was a bridesmaid, but she had managed to get out of almost every wedding-related event in the last two months. The first four months had been enough, especially when Jacin insisted on attending every event. If she hadn't been so upset with the two of them, she would have applauded Jacin for not making Winter do everything on her own.
"Yes, it was getting overwhelming." Jacin took a sip of his wine before continuing. "We want to make it so it honors Winter's roots more."
"Ah."
"Do you want to come, Cress?" asked Winter. "Maybe we can go together, the four of us." At the four of us, she gestured at Thorne's empty seat. "You haven't even had time to see the venue."
"Um, thanks, but like I said, Carswell has to be somewhere early too. Christmas with his family."
"Ooh, are you going to join their celebration too?"
Cress pinched her thigh under the table. "I'll go later in the day."
A hush fell over the room as Levana and Sybil both stood, far on the other side of the first table. Someone clinked their glass.
"Sybil and I are thrilled that everyone could join us for Christmas again," said Levana, in a dull tone that said the exact opposite of her words, "though we will likely need to repair the entire kitchen after yesterday's debacle." She raised a cool eyebrow in Maha and Rosie's direction. "Nevertheless, it is Christmas, and the food does smell delicious."
Sybil put an arm around Levana's waist and raised her glass. "Merry Christmas!"
Everyone raised their glasses in return. "Merry Christmas!" they chorused.
The chatter around the table began again, and Ran whispered, "Lame speech. Hope the food is better."
"It will be," Cress confirmed, for she had seen everything that they were about to eat.
Food was passed around and soon they were all stuffing their faces with ham and plenty of sides.
Her end of the table continued with mostly wedding-related conversation, and occasionally shifted to more baby talk. Ran snickered to himself quite a bit and flung food at people with his fork like a little child. Scarlet was quick to jab him in the ribs each time.
Cress stayed quiet for most of the conversation, like she normally did at big events like this, and found herself checking the entrance to the dining room constantly. It was luckily on the opposite side of the table, so all she had to do was glance up from time to time and pretend to be observing any of the parents. Once, Ze'ev caught her looking and winked at her. This made her smile; Ze'ev was never too open with his feelings, and she was always happy to be on the receiving end of his affection when he offered it.
Around the time when everyone was getting seconds, Thorne finally appeared in the doorway, but it was Levana who first noticed him. She had just returned from the bathroom, and she let out a shrill laugh that quieted the whole table as he came in behind her. "Look who I found sulking in the hallway." Her eyes found Cress and her lips twisted into a cruel smile. "Doesn't always look so put together after all, does he?"
Levana was right about one thing. Thorne, who came to stand next to her, definitely did not look so put together for once. He had changed into dress pants for dinner, but his shirt was completely unbuttoned, revealing a plain white T-shirt underneath. His sleeves were only rolled up on one side and he wore no tie. His hair was so wet it looked like he had just stepped out of the shower.
He cleared his throat as Levana laughed again and took a seat, leaving Thorne standing awkwardly by himself.
"Um—hello," he said, glancing down at his feet. "I don't mean to interrupt your dinner, but I'd like to apologize for my behavior earlier. I was careless while taking my painkillers. I'm afraid I had too much to drink under the circumstances. I'm still a little out of it but I took a nap, showered, and then had a cup of coffee in the kitchen just now." He gestured sheepishly at his clothes. "And, as you can see, I'm not quite able to dress myself without the proper use of my right hand."
A few people in the room laughed.
"That's okay, sweetie," said Rosemary, turning to look at Cress rather than at Thorne. "You've had a rough day." She widened her eyes at Cress as if urging her to say something.
Cress remained silent.
"Thanks, Rosie, but I'd like to apologize to Cress, actually," said Thorne. He lifted his eyes off the floor and fixed them determinedly on Cress. It was her turn to look down. "You see, I've had a chance to replay what I said earlier. In my mind, I was complimenting Cress, trying to confess to her exactly how pretty I think she is"—Cress glanced up to see Thorne still staring intently at her—"but I'm afraid it somehow came out all wrong. By trying to give examples of why I thought that, I think I ended up complimenting everyone except her, and that was the opposite of what I wanted."
Thorne began walking around the table slowly, passing everyone but keeping his eyes fixed on her. She wanted to squirm in her chair but felt pinned in place by his eyes. When he reached her, he pulled at the corner of her chair and twisted it until her legs were facing him instead of the table. Then he sank down on one knee and took her hand and kissed it. Though she was hyper aware that everyone was watching them, it was hard not to swoon a little.
"I'm so sorry, Cress. I know I made you feel bad and embarrassed you in front of your family. I'm such an idiot." He gave her a crooked smile. "But you probably already knew that about me."
"Aww, forgive him, Cress," said Winter.
"Don't forgive him," said Ran. "That would be highly entertaining.
"What on earth is he talking about?" said Sybil.
"Shhh," said Rosie.
"I love you for you," Thorne continued, inching forward, as if to block out the rest of the family. He lowered his voice. "I'm sorry it all came out wrong. Please forgive me. Please believe that you're my number one girl and always will be."
His face looked so sincere and apologetic at the same time, it was hard not to believe him. And with the pressure of her family watching and her need to keep their cover, there was no way she couldn't forgive him. It was the right thing to do in this situation.
"Of course I forgive you."
His face brightened into a smile instantly. He kissed the top of her hand again, then shifted onto both his knees to give her a quick kiss on the lips. She moved her head ever so slightly, though, and his lips landed an inch away from them, on the side of her mouth. She doubted anyone but two of them noticed with the way her hair fell in front of her face.
A few people cheered at their kiss and then dissolved again into the deafening chatter from before.
Thorne slid into the chair next to her with a sly grin. "So what did I miss?"
"Like it matters," she said under her breath.
Thorne's grin froze, but he recovered quickly.
"Would you like some ham?" asked Winter.
"No thanks," said Thorne without missing a beat. "I'm still rather queasy."
"I'm sorry to hear that."
"I deserve it." Thorne reached forward and grabbed the little bag of chocolates from Maha, looking like he was inspecting its contents.
"Dude, you were hilarious," said Ran. "That was so epic. You hit on Aunt Rosie."
Cress glared mutinously at Ran as Thorne cringed.
Jacin leaned forward on his elbows. "You know, the first time I met Cress's parents, I spilled soup all over my lap at dinner. I had to change and put on a pair of Sage's pants. It wasn't my finest moment."
Winter's musical laugh reverberated around the table. "Oh stars, that was too funny."
"Really?" said Cress. Her dad was much shorter and more squat than Jacin. The image of him wearing her father's old jeans was enough to put a small smile on her face.
"Ze'ev ran into the glass door the first time he came to my house," said Scarlet with a grin.
"Of course he did," said Ran in a saccharine voice. "Because he couldn't keep his eyes off you." He fluttered his eyelashes sarcastically at Scarlet, then groaned. "Ugh, and now you're going to have a little one of you running around. Kill me."
"That's enough, Ran," Ze'ev growled.
Luckily, the two of them started hurling insults at each other, so the conversation took a big turn away from Thorne, with Scarlet jumping in to defend Ze'ev and Jacin rolling his eyes like he usually did.
Cress pretended to eat the green beans on her plate, picking at them with her fork. In reality, she had lost her appetite.
Thorne, for once, was extremely quiet. From time to time, he would catch Cress's eye and shoot her a hopeful smile. She would quickly look away and examine her fingernails.
Anything to keep him from seeing how she really felt.