A Girl From Someplace Sweeter

21 – A Tenuous Decision

Yuuki was nervous, but she always managed to fit in. She was completely accepting of other people and could easily adapt herself to her surroundings—she was likeable and pretty, and sometimes Tsukushi envied her personal flexibility.

They had come to the party in Yuuki's older sister's car. They could have taken the chauffer, but Yuuki didn't even suggest it when Tsukushi asked if they could be dropped off. They knew each other well enough now.

The party was glamorous. There were fancy foods they'd never seen before, and some that Tsukushi had seen but still didn't like very much. They easily found the F4 and while Yuuki wanted to stay with them for the evening, the idea didn't much appeal to Tsukushi and she left to wander about on her own.

"Nice to see you all again," Yuuki said as her friend went back to the hors d'ouvres table. Akira greeted her warmly; Soujiro greeted her even more warmly. Tsukasa only said "Hello" with a grunt and Rui nodded his head. Soujiro easily disengaged himself from a tall woman in a rose-colored gown to stand beside Yuuki and ask her personal questions. She easily responded and didn't shy away from his forwardness like most girls; he liked it.

Tsukasa himself was bored and took a drink to sit by himself on the wood porch of the building at the center of the party. When Rui left, too, nobody noticed. Akira charged himself with keeping Soujiro at bay, and so everyone was busy.

Tsukushi was talking to a young business man when Rui came up to them. The man had confessed to her a long-standing crush on Shizuka. He had been invited as a favorite employee of a corporation president, but it was only a favor. "I know I don't have a chance," he told her, "but I'd like to congratulate her on her successful ad campaign, anyway."

Rui wasn't often surprised, but it always astounded him how easily people opened up to Tsukushi—even complete strangers, it seemed. When he approached, the business man smiled and said, "It was good to meet you, Makino-san," and walked away.

"You go by Makino here?"

Tsukushi shrugged her shoulders and put a cracker in her mouth. "If I say I'm Doumyouji, people get too scared to talk to me, or ask questions, or say, 'You must be Tsubaki?' If I were Tsubaki, you'd know." She put one hand on her hip. "My situation here is really ridiculous. It's just easier to pretend I'm somebody that nobody knows."

"Don't you think you should stand up to your name? Aren't you giving up too easily?"

Tsukushi took a full glass of wine from the table nearby and gulped it down. She returned the cup to a passing waiter, and he gave her a wide-eyed look.

"Aren't you being too obnoxious?" She crossed her arms in front of her. What was it that irritated her? It was probably his disarming smile and completely aloof, untouchable attitude. It made her feel weak: charmed by him just as much as his personality angered her. It was a step forward and a step back, all at the same time. She couldn't have firm ground with him. "Of all people, you shouldn't tell me what to do." She jerked her head to the side.

Shizuka was standing near the podium, talking with a reporter and two other glamorous-looking women. Not nearly as beautiful as she, of course, but close enough. "We all know how you feel about her," Tsukushi said, leaning forward. Her head was near his, but he didn't move back, like a lesser man might have. "So why don't you just go for it?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Rui's cheeks colored a little, and he looked away. His brows were furrowed.

Tsukushi rolled her eyes and came up next to him, elbowing him in the side. "We all shy away from some things," she said. He looked at her again.

"They're different." His eyes were stern again, and hard, and the grey color made them look like marbles.

"Not so very much."

They were at a stalemate. Tsukushi took another glass of wine, and drank it, and hiccupped before she managed to finish it; he grabbed it away from her and when she objected, he had to reach out with one hand and grab her arm so she wouldn't fall over. "Just how much have you been drinking?"

She hiccupped again and said indignantly, "I'm fine!"

Akira held one hand to his chin and stroked it thoughtfully. Rui was talking more to Tsukushi in five minutes than he ever saw in a day. Women always fell at their feet—the F4—but Rui had always been the favorite. He wasn't used to someone disliking him, Akira supposed; that's what made him so interested in Tsukushi.

That's what he told himself.

Rui didn't mention her any more when she wasn't around. Even with Shizuka back, he seemed only to get darker and colder. Akira thought of himself as the mental health manager of his little group, and so he kept an eye on his friend. He just hoped nothing would happen at this party to make things worse. He hadn't realized how tenuous the strings were until he and Tsukushi had talked in the park.

But his hopes were dashed.

--

Shizuka talked with Tsukushi about her sudden decision to go back to France, after the party. She pulled herself away from the reporters and astonished friends and family to talk to her. "It's a great thing you're doing," Tsukushi said, a little drunk, but still standing straight and still in a sound frame of mind. "But won't Rui miss you? And won't you miss Rui?"

Shizuka raised one eyebrow, smiling at Tsukushi when she stumbled slightly and straightened herself. "I think I'm leaving him in good hands," Shizuka replied, and the younger girl only sighed and nodded her head.

"We'll do our best!"

"I'm sure you will."

For everyone but Tsukushi and Rui, the announcement was a complete surprise. Tsukasa asked her to stay for them—"We'll miss you, Shizuka!"—but Akira asked her to stay for Rui—"Please. Don't leave him here."

--

Tsukushi came out to the emergency exit after she ate her lunch with Urara-sensei. She hadn't told the nurse her problem yet, but Urara was always willing to wait. They talked at least once a week.

"I know you're here," she said, and Rui laughed, like the sound of a bell chiming. He stood up and came over to the railing. Tsukushi looked at him from the side. "Aren't you upset?"

"No."

"Aren't you going to go after her?"

"No."

"Sure."

He glared at her, and for once, Tsukushi felt pleased that she was the one antagonizing him. "And you call me one not willing to step up to the plate."

"It's not as easy as all that," Rui told her.

"Sure."

They stood side-by-side and looked out over the grounds. "You don't play your violin much now," she commented.

He was leaning forward, over the rail, and propped up his head on his fist so he could look at her. He let out a sigh, and Tsukushi thought she was seeing an unexpected part of Rui. It looked like an expression of helplessness. Without realizing what she was doing, she had put a hand on his shoulder, and clasped it. He didn't move, but their eyes locked.

"I don't think," she said to him, "that you have the right to tell me that I am a weakling, when you won't even tell the girl you love that you want her to stay. When you won't go after her into the wild. Are you afraid?"

"Of what?"

"Of having to fend for yourself? That's what the real world is like, Hanazawa Rui. You're going to have to deal with it eventually."

He growled. It was a humorous sound, like an irritated dog, and she couldn't help but laugh into her palm. This only seemed to irk him further, and he turned away.

"How about we make a compact?"

Rui didn't reply for a moment. He walked to the wall, and touched it, and walked back with his arms behind his back, fingers gripped tight. Finally, he said, "What do you suggest?"

It was like making a deal with the devil, Tsukushi thought.

"I'll face my fear, if you face yours." He spun on her, but she only stood against the side of the staircase and grinned at him. It surprised him. She had disliked him so, but now, she was trying to help him; to coax him out of his paralysis.

"Why are you doing this?"

It was a good question. She wants me to go away to Paris, probably, he thought.

"Hanazawa Rui," she addressed him, and he thought her eyes were more intense than he remembered. She brought her face close to his again, and he almost pulled away: but her eyes seemed to hold him fast. "You need to pull yourself together! Honestly. Both of our lives are falling apart, and neither of us are doing anything about it! Isn't that strange? Isn't that queer? So I say we both reach out and try to make things right again. I'm going to leave Akira, and you're going to go after Shizuka, because you love her. I know you do, Hanazawa Rui."

"Why do you always use my full name?"

"Nothing else would fit."

They stared at one another, and finally Rui's shoulders slumped. He put his head on the pillow of his arms and let out one long sigh. "I guess I'll do it, then." He looked at her. "But you can't tell the others."

"Scout's honor."

"Are you really going to leave Akira?"

Tsukushi paused. Of course she was. He knew she was. She couldn't understand why, but she had to do it. It was in her bones. She lowered her head. "Why?"

"It's the only way I can free myself," she said. "I thought I would wait until next year, but I'm going to try to move out of the mansion. I've saved up some money, and I think that if I work hard, I can keep a modest place while still working and going to school."

"Will Tsukasa's mother stand for this?"

Tsukushi shrugged her shoulders. "One step at a time, right?" She smiled. The second time, he thought. "So? Is it a deal?"

"It is."

--

Tsukasa told his sister about his plan that same night.

"Tsukushi!" he called up the stairs. It clearly wasn't loud enough. "Tsukushi!" he yelled again, his voice reverberating off the walls. Finally he heard a door slam and some pounding footsteps in the east hallway. She was holding a textbook in one hand and a pencil in the other, and was wearing a cute pair of pajama pants.

"What on earth do you want? It's nearly midnight."

"I know! Come down."

"What for?"

"Just come down!" Everything was such a chore with her! Tsukasa went into the dining room, where he was putting down a sumptuous midnight snack. His sister joined him in a couple of minutes, book still in hand.

He finished chewing and wiped his mouth. "We're going to Hiroshima."

She blinked.

"Pardon me?"

"I've bought us both train tickets to Hiroshima. We're leaving on the Wednesday of the last day of school for the four-day vacation. We come back on Sunday."

She almost said, "But I have work!" and stopped herself.

"Tsukasa," she said in a warning tone, "this is very inconvenient for me."

He stopped short and gave her a strange look. "What do you mean? I talked to your uncle, and the family is going to be back on holiday at the same time. Look how lucky it is! You can visit them. We'll stay in the old resort house that father kept there."