I AM ALIVE! Hi, everyone! Miss me? I've missed all of you! I'm so sorry I've been MIA, but know that I'm so sorry, and you'll never have to EVER, EVER, EVER wait this long for an update again, and that I love you all! I'm doing well, and I hope each and every one of you is doing great, too! There is a VERY IMPORTANT message at the end of this chapter, so even though it's SUPER long, please read it! Please? You guys are amazing, so I know you will! Well, anyway, this chapter takes place in the chapter Party Like A Rockstar from Edward's POV, and it also takes place on the Sunday after the party at Violet's. Sorry if it's confusing, just leave a review or message me if you have questions!
E.P.O.V.
Bella Winchester was… there were no words for her.
I thought I could stay away.
I thought I could stop what ever it was I was feeling.
I thought I could let go.
I thought wrong.
Everything in life always happens unexpectedly—so quickly that you can barely comprehend it. At least, it always did for me.
When I woke up to this world that day in 1918, everything was different. I could see things more clearly. I could hear for what seemed to be miles. I could smell everything. But I only wanted one thing. And that was blood.
Bella Winchester had the sweetest blood I had ever smelled. There was nothing that could stop me from sinking my teeth into her that first day in Biography class. I could finish her off before anyone even knew what was happening.
I would have to take care of the other seventeen people in the room, but it would be worth it just to have that blood, that sweet, sweet blood. I could see it play out in my head like a movie: There were so many ways I could get her alone. I would just look at her, let her see into my eyes that would be black with need—make her follow me out of the room, into an empty class room—behind the school—anywhere.
And she would follow.
If she wouldn't, there would be more than just her life lost, but I didn't care. Not one bit, because all I wanted was her, her blood and nothing else. Just one quick stink of my teeth to her jugular was all it would take, filling myself with all of the blood in her body, finally ending the burn in my throat—putting the monster to rest.
But just as I turned to her—about to let the words that would end her fall from my lips—she looked right at me. I was frozen in place for the first time since becoming what I am.
It was her eyes that saved her life that day, and probably saved me, as well.
When she looked at me for the first time with those green eyes, I became immobile. They were so green. So wise yet, so innocent, like she had seen more than anyone ever needed to, but still had humor. They held truths and secrets and more than I could identify.
They looked through me.
I knew I couldn't hurt her.
And I haven't.
Esme wouldn't tell me anything other than what she had that night. But I didn't quite believe her. It was times like these that I wish I had been changed at an older age, so I could have known what love was.
Known what it feels like.
If it feels anything like what I am feeling now, though I still don't quite know what that is.
It isn't love though. Not at all close, I'm sure. I was just simply attracted to her blood, and that made me attracted to her.
Her smell was beautiful. Strawberries and vanilla, warm and inviting, I could only imagine what it would be like to drink some of that blood, to pull it from that heavenly blue vein in her long neck…
No.
I shook my head. I wouldn't let the monster inside of me come out. I wouldn't hurt Bella Winchester.
I couldn't, and that confused me more than anything.
"Edward. I'm not going to tell you again: Bella is okay. I think…" Alice told me, rolling her eyes at first and then searching her mind, trying to will a vision of Bella Winchester.
She didn't get one.
I sighed. If I had a heart beat, I was more than sure it would have stopped.
"I know. I'm sorry, Alice. It's just…" I broke off, not knowing or wanting to finish. I couldn't seem to recall a time when I had been at a loss for words. Alice nodded.
"Of course." She said.
It's hard to be away from her, isn't it?
She asked me in her thoughts, nonchalantly. I nodded, unwillingly. I didn't quite understand why that was.
I already 'cut the bullshit' as Emmett would say, and admitted to myself that I did have feelings for Bella. I just didn't know what to do with them.
I didn't even really know what they were. All I knew was that I felt something for Bella Winchester that I had never felt for anyone before, and that I had to figure it out.
And soon; before I drove myself, and everyone else around me, crazy.
Could vampires go crazy? I hadn't the slightest clue, but it sure did seem like it these days.
"Alice…" I began, only to break off, sighing.
"Yes?" she looked at me with hopeful golden eyes. I smiled slightly and shook my head.
"Nothing—it's not important." She sighed but let it go.
"Alright—if you want to talk, you know where to find me." she then turned and ran up the stairway; her form a blur of the blue and green dress she had brought only hours before.
I knew the 'talk' she was referring to, and I was not ready for that.
She knew what I was going to ask, but yet I still couldn't form the words—stop the thought quick enough.
She was just waiting for the moment when I did utter those words, and she would either be smiling as she showed me the future, or shutting down her mind in horror.
I didn't know which one I wanted to see. I didn't know if I were strong enough to watch the outcome.
I was hopeless.
Seven hours later found us (my brothers and sister) at the bottom of the stairway that Alice had disappeared hours before.
Esme had added a small end table to the long hallway, and topped it with a dark blue vase of freshly cut flowers. Esme—always trying to add some life to the dead one we lived.
"I can't believe you, Alice. How could you do this to us?" Rosalie glared at Alice coming down the stairs at a human paste, running two fingers just under her lip as she fixed her makeup.
"Party, Rosalie, it's just a party." Alice replied, waving her hand; her brightly colored painted nails cutting through the air like a flag refusing to drop.
"I haven't been to a party since '74, and those shoes I wore still give me nightmares." Alice said with a grimace.
"You don't sleep, Alice." Emmett felt the need to remind her. She looked at him.
"Daymares, whatever," he waved his huge hand and pulled out his cell phone, smiling at some new App he had just downloaded moments before.
"Humans, Alice. There will be humans." Rosalie mocked her tone, smirking.
"So? We've all hunted. I know Edward has…" Alice finished in song. Rosalie looked at me, glaring.
"Yes, well. I guess this is all really just Edward's fault, after all." I rolled my eyes.
"Thank you, Rose." I told her sarcastically.
"A human… Hah!" she laughed.
"Vampires? Oh no! Not for our Little Eddie! He has to have a human!" I glared, but of course my family just thought it was the funniest thing.
"We should get a bummer sticker, 'Humans Do It Better!' and let him put it on his car!" Emmett laughed.
"Oh, leave Edward alone! And Bella! This party is going to be a great idea. Trust me." Alice defended.
"I hope you're right." I told her, turning my head and looking into her mind.
Oh, I am, brother. I am.
The first thing I heard as we got out of my car was the loud music. Even though we could hear it from down the street, it was even louder up close. The smell of the humans were great, having so many packed into a small space is a welcome party for any vampire.
Of course, mixing the smell of blood, sex, drugs and alcohol to a packed room of humans was also overbearing for most.
"Jasper…" I said to Alice. Jasper had taken the Jeep with Emmett and Rosalie. Alice being the only one to ride with me, she didn't tell me why it was necessary. From her thoughts, I could tell she didn't feel like she had to.
Give her brother one quick vision of his undoing? Of course she wouldn't. She wasn't kind enough for that.
"Give Jasper some faith, Edward." she glared at me.
"He's been doing very well lately, and he's just hunted. And besides," She tapped her forehead.
"I've seen it all. Jazzy will be just fine." I nodded, leaning against my car and crossing my arms over my chest.
I had not been to a party in over 30 years, the last one being a Christmas party Carlisle had to go to for the hospital he worked for at the time.
I do not believe I lasted very long at that one.
I expect the same will occur tonight.
"Stop it, Edward." Alice warned me, pointing her tiny finger up at me.
"I keep getting visions of you running away after an hour. Don't you want to stay here a little while? Don't you want to see Bella?" I tried not to groan, but Alice went on:
"I know you're here for Bella. You wouldn't be here otherwise. But please, Edward, just try not to be miserable." I sighed, taking a deep breath that was not needed of the cold night's air. The few humans that were outside the house didn't even seem to notice us.
Most were too intoxicated to notice us as it was.
"You'll embarrass me." she said more quietly. I looked to her with amusement.
"Embarrass you? No. Who would be here to take note of your embarrassment as it is?" her only answer was to push her glossy lips and pout.
"Just be happy."
"I could roll over dead right now from the happiness coursing through my veins."
"Smart-ass,"
"Only on the weekends,"
"Should we go inside?" Alice asked, indifferent to my wildly amusing sense of humor. Maybe that was why I didn't show it very often.
"I don't know, Alice. You're the one with all the answers." She grinned.
"Yes, we should. Why don't you go in and wait for Bella? I really don't know when she will be here. But I'll just wait out here for Jazz and the others. They'll be here in under three." I closed my eyes.
"Really, Alice?" I heard her tricking little laugh.
"Oh, you'll be fine, Edward." I turned and walked away, only reopening my eyes when I got to the steps of the home. When I entered the house, the loud music and smell of humans were almost too much, but I put my head down and walked in farther.
Is that… Edward Cullen?
The humans—the ones who could still think clearly—were surprised to see me here. I saw the picture of me in their heads—head down, hands in pockets, lips pushed together, looking… bored. And I was. I still was an hour later when Alice and Jasper came looking for me in the backyard. Most of, if not all of the humans, were inside, and that left me to the semi-quiet of the dark.
"Where is she, Alice?" I almost growled, not bothering to hide my annoyance.
"I don't know! Okay! I tried looking, but I can't see anything!" she yelled, high enough to hurt my ears, but low enough that no humans could hear.
"But if it helps—I saw you and her writing notes in class. I couldn't see when it was, or what they said, but still. The visions are getting better! Maybe the more I'm around her, I get used to her!" Alice told me happily, her thoughts not staying in one place long enough to pick just one thought.
"You shouldn't be around her! I shouldn't be around her!"
"Oh, shut up for once, Edward!" Alice yelled, shocking me.
"I am going to kick you straight to Kingdom Come if you don't stop your little girl whining and man up!" Jasper chuckled, grinning proudly at his wife.
She's somethin', ain't she, Ed?
He thought. I ignored it all.
"Where are Emmett and Rosalie?" I asked, trying to change the subject. It was Jasper who answered this time:
"Emmett wanted to scare more humans, so he and Rosalie went upstairs." I shook my head.
"Well that's great." Jasper smiled.
"Don't be jealous."
"I'm not." I replied shortly.
"I can just feel how much you don't care right now."
"Alice, would you like to know what Jasper has been doing behind—"
"You're not jealous," Jasper answered quickly, looking between both Alice and I.
"You're also not wishful right now." I glared at him.
"For your birthday..."
"Edward…" Jasper growled. Alice laughed.
"Oh, boys—that's enough." She told the both of us. She then looked at me.
"Bella will be here soon. Hang in there. We'll be back to say hello later." She grabbed Jasper by the arm and led him inside the house, where Jasper stared a little too hard at some humans and Alice a little too hard at their outfits. I sighed again, somewhat glad that they were gone and I could get back to my rhythm of breathing in deeply and staring at nothing.
It was becoming.
At least it was semi-quiet out here, and it was a nice home. The backyard was a nice size, and I would guess Violet's mother, much like Esme, enjoyed gardening, if the too green glass and beautifully assorted wild flowers were any indication. I didn't want to look like the frozen thing that I am, so I sat down on the wooden bench that was under a willow tree. I always liked willow trees; there was just something about them. I could almost remember one from my human life; hot summers spent outside in the shade and comfort of my mothers favorite willow tree… but the memory was not very clear. All of my human memories were unclear.
"Letting Alice talk me into this… really, Edward? You're no better than some of these humans—being talked into this by a 5'0 foot vampire! If she's even five feet tall…" I heard the door to the backyard open, but thought nothing of it—humans had been coming outside and seeing me, then turning around as fast as their legs could carry them.
"I should burn her shoes for this…"
"Why the long face?" I turned around, for the first time surprised in a long time, and by none other than a human! A human whose thoughts I could not hear.
Bella Winchester stood in front of me, smirking of all things!
"I didn't think you would make it." I let escape my lips before I could stop the thought. She shrugged her shoulders, the smirk still on her face.
"It's not that late. And is that 'Edward talk' for I'm happy you're here?" I tried not to smile, but for some reason, this one human seemed to make me feel… almost… happy.
"Maybe." I replied, almost joking with her! What was wrong with me?
She leaned over, putting down the water bottle she was holding in her hands first, and then sitting down beside me. It was a strange gesture, unusual to be happening to me since she was not in my family. Humans never sat down beside us if they could help it. They just had good enough sense not to.
"What'cha doing out here? Scared of a little noise?"
"It was just a little loud." I replied honesty. She nodded. She blew away a few pieces of dark hair that had fallen into her eyes, and looked down at her glove covered hands. I wondered why she wore them. As Alice had offered, Bella could very well be making a fashion statement. But I thought there was something more to them—what with the way she always rubbed her hands together, and rushed to pull it down over her palm whenever it pulled away, revealing some skin. She was a strange one that was sure.
"How was your weekend?" I asked, hoping to get away from my thoughts of her; how close she was sitting beside me, her wonderful scent almost overwhelming my senses, making me want to close my eyes and breathe in deeply. I shook my head quickly, hoping she didn't quite catch the swiftness of my move.
"Kind of bumpy," she replied. Her voice held a tone of amusement, her green eyes incredibly bright. I had a feeling that if my heart still held a beat, it would have been pounding against my ribs in that moment.
"Yours?" she asked, now looking at me fully.
I thought about it for a moment: Emmett and his almost obsessive actions on trying to get me to 'give in to the need.' Whatever that need may be. Rosalie's near constant nagging that 'We have to be careful! That girl is up to something!'
Mixed in with Esme's delight and Carlisle and Jasper's slow-approach on the matter, I haven't had one moment to myself since Bella Winchester had come to Forks.
And that's without adding Alice to the question… I sighed.
"Crowded,"
"And that is why you're out here, sick of being near people?" she asked jokingly, a small smile on her full lips. I couldn't fight the smile that came to my lips just then. She wasn't scared of me. She truly felt comfortable enough to be alone with me—not that we had not been alone before—but this was new. She was joking with me. She was here, at this house party that was sure to be the talks of Forks High for many weeks to come, and she was outside, talking with me. The Cullen freak. The one everyone in town knew something was wrong with, but chose not to call out on because of just that. We were different, and they knew we were dangerous.
Bella Winchester didn't seem to mind. I actually smiled fully.
"Some." She looked down, and her heart picked up its paste. So I did have that same affect on her, the very same one she had on me?
Of course I did.
"How's your friend?" I asked, looking for a change of subject, and honestly curious, and a bit annoyed that I still could not read her thoughts. She looked up at me, her eyes confused.
"What?" her voice was quiet.
"You know, your friend that you just got back from visiting?" I promoted. Her eyes lit back up with recognition and she smiled.
"He'll make it." I frowned. What did that mean? Why was she so cryptic all of the time? Knowing her for the short amount of time that I had, she had never given me a straight answer on anything. Nothing seemed to explain itself willingly when it came to her. I didn't know if I liked that or not about her. Emmett would have said something witty, something to make Bella laugh or explain herself farther, but I could not think of one thing to do but continue to stare at her.
I was no Emmett, no. I was an Edward, and I suppose we didn't say or do much of anything at all.
You would think, someone having lived—to use the word loosely—for more than a few years on this earth would have learned a thing or two when it came to speaking with the opposite sex.
I was not one.
"Never mind… is Alice here? She seemed very… happy when Violet invited her." of course she was happy. She was ecstatic—she knew she would be able to make me come here tonight, to put her Bella-and-Edward-theory to the test.
"Yes. I believe Alice and Jasper, and Emmett and Rosalie are somewhere around here." I explained. She pushed her lips, and I really wished I hadn't seen that. It had me thinking thoughts—hungry, impure thoughts that should not have been running through my mind about such a young human girl.
"I bet Emmett's scaring the crap out of a lot of people tonight." I felt myself grin, knowing just how true those words were. Right at this moment, Emmett and Rosalie were in the living room, doing just that.
"I'm sure he's having fun." I replied, not quite knowing how to respond without sounding like I already knew the answer
"And what about you, are you having fun?" she asked, her voice almost challenging. I thought about just that. I was out of my element. I was at her mercy now, just because I couldn't say no to this human. To her and her beautiful green eyes, so full of life and mischief—my mouth had been taken over by my unclear thoughts when I replied,
"I am now." I wanted to hurt myself. I wanted to walk into the sun, in the middle of day, right out into the street and hear all of the frighten humans yell and scream, just so I could be taken down by someone in my family, or another coven, so I could feel pain, all because I had just given her some of my power. It was all forgotten when she smiled shyly and said, in a very clear, light voice, "I'm glad."
I smiled back.
The rest of the night went by quickly. Much too quickly, for my liking, which was strange.
I introduced Bella to Rosalie for the first now, and oddly, Rosalie almost seemed to approve of her.
I still don't like her, Rosalie had noted to me in her thoughts, but she's not that bad.
Emmett already loved her, and Alice was crazy about this human girl. Jasper didn't have any feelings toward her at all, which was strange, considering who he is.
Jasper, much like me, was still trying to figure this human out before we made up our minds.
Bella Winchester had a way with words, the way she joked with me carelessly half the night, throwing her head back when she laughed, my eyes never leaving her long, smooth neck in those moments.
When that scumbag Mike Newton tried to tick Bella into kissing him… I just about lost it. Never had I felt such… such anger at the mere thought of someone kissing someone else, having thoughts of unspeakable acts, feelings of lust coursing through their veins… and I was.
I was angry.
I was angry at Mike Newton, a human boy, for wanting Bella Winchester in a way far from friendship. Was it the fact that he wanted her for only one thing? Maybe, that could very well be it, though it had never bothered me much when it was thoughts about someone else going through his—or anyone else, for that matter—head. It could also have very well been the fact that he didn't truly like Bella. He just wanted her, preferably, only for the night, and a few times after that. He didn't know Bella. He didn't know one thing about her other than the fact that she was 'hot' as his thoughts so loudly reminded me. He wanted her body. If it were me, I would want her heart. As Alice did well to remind me, I probably did. I still didn't believe that.
Bella Winchester is good at the game of darts, having silenced Newton with the promise of never speaking to her again if she won their competition.
Newton agreed, not at all afraid, knowing that he was going to be getting her kiss to mark off of his list soon enough.
He lost, and I finally took a breath I didn't need.
Bella Winchester looked truly happy in that moment, when the light touched her eyes and her lips pinched into a tight, uncontrollable smirk.
"But—you—and—what?" he stuttered, his thoughts a mess of How could I have lost to a girl? And, I can't believe this! I'll have her… I'll get Bella Winchester one way or another!
"No talking. You agreed." Bella was quick to point out, bringing a small finger to her lips. Mike opened his mouth to speak again, but thought better of it. Bella nodded to me, indicating that we should leave the room. For once in my existence, I followed a human of all things, and kept my mouth shut.
We then found ourselves stuck in a silly children's game of Truth or Dare. Bella, in her moment of Truth, let it be known that she, if the time ever called for it, would kiss me. I was simply shocked for the first time in a long time. Maybe it was because I couldn't hear her thoughts. The fact that she was a beautiful young human girl who knew much more than she let on mixed in with the fact that her blood sung to me, I wouldn't know, but as soon as she let those words fall from her lips—however nonchalant she made it seem—it didn't matter. My venom—having lost all blood long ago—felt warm. Too warm—it was an emotion that was not caused by my brother, and I didn't know what to call it. I didn't know how to list it.
I almost liked it. I felt proud.
The dim light made her green eyes appear liquid, her cheeks pink and her lips ruby red.
She was stunning.
I was a dead-man in more ways than one.
The party came to an end when the police were called, and all of the drunken teenagers ran off into the dark, scared, excited, and confused.
Alice pulled me aside during this time.
"Give her a ride home." She whispered.
"What?" I asked, bewildered.
"Give her a ride home." She repeated.
"No." I said much too quickly. Alice hit me on the shoulder with a clap of her palm.
"Don't be an ass, Edward! I will not have Bella walking home alone in the dark!" I frowned.
"What do you—" I broke off, Alice showing me a vision of Bella hugging her body as she walked back to her home, her head hung low and her lips pushed tightly together as she walked the dark streets.
Do you want something to happen to her?
"Alice…"
"You'll thank me. I'm going to find Jazz. See you at home!" she sped off, leaving a little too quickly for my liking, but there were not that many humans around, anyway.
Sighing, I made my way out of the house, not seeing Bella anywhere as I tried not to get too close to any of the humans. When I was seated behind the wheel of my Volvo, I let my head fall back and for my eyes to close.
"Ahhh!" I let an angry note come from me, my hands hitting the wheel—not hard enough to break it, of course not—but just enough to let some of my frustration out.
What the hell was I doing? Was I really contemplating following after Bella and giving her a ride home? Having her that close to me in my car… I did not want to think about it.
"To hell with it!" I muttered, turning on the car and throwing it into drive.
I pulled away from the house, my hands tight on the wheel, my eyes set straight ahead, trying not to make a mess of any of the running children who were making their way down the dark road.
I didn't see Bella, and none of the humans who were even half way sober enough to be thinking clearly, did not have Bella within their sight.
I left Violet's street, taking a right to circle back around.
"Damn you, Alice…" I glowed, hoping that she would get a vision of just that.
I parked on the street across from Violet's and turned off the car. If Bella left, she would be passing by me.
I closed my eyes and let a groan escape my lips.
I could still hear the yells of the scared and excited children as they ran down the streets, others speeding away in cars.
I could hear uncontrollable laughing as the intoxicated teenagers got placed in backseats by designated drivers. A boy, probably sixteen at most, was helping his friend into his car, all the while trying to stay out of the way in case his friend lost his dinner.
I should get paid for this shit…
His thoughts were bitter, but his intentions kind.
I am so wasted right now…
At least his drunken friend knew when to relate the truth.
Soon enough, I heard one more sound, but it was the sound and voice I had been waiting for.
Some very strong choice words were shouted and I filched. It was not good for a lady to say such things. That carried on for a few more seconds until she was out of words, and she stood still. Looking up at the sky for a moment, she began walking; her hands in her pockets and her eyes downcast.
Turning on the Volvo, I pulled away from the curve, making a quick U-turn, but having to stop so I wouldn't be forced into hitting a speeding car. A few more cars followed before I could finally get down the street. Bella was already half way down the block, almost out of the neighborhood completely.
She sure does walk quickly, I thought to myself, Must be those long legs…
I mildly scolded myself, telling myself she was just a seventeen year human. I should not have been having any thoughts of her… um, legs.
Or any part of her body, for that matter.
Shaking away those thoughts from my head, I drove up beside her, her head turning to look as my car slowed down beside her. I rolled down the window:
"Need a ride?" I asked coolly, hoping I didn't look half as reluctant as I felt about the situation. Her only answer was a smirk.
Things were quiet in the car for the first few minutes. I was only half surprised when she took my offer of a ride without too much consideration.
Bella Winchester didn't mind being alone with me.
I was secretly thrilled by that, but also worried. How could such a beautiful young girl be so… well… stupid as to want to be alone with me?
Certainly her instincts have warned her of my kind.
If so, she still didn't listen, and I was worried and semi glad.
After asking the whereabouts my brothers and sisters, she then asked to spend even more time with me. At least, that's how my mind interpreted it.
That's how my mind wanted it to be.
She said her brother would know something had happened at the party if she went home so soon, and not let her go to one ever again.
What else was I supposed to do but take her wherever her heart desired when she looked at me with those bright green eyes?
To Port Angeles we went.
She joked with me again, as if she had known me all her life and not just for as little time as a few weeks. I could tell she felt comfortable around me by the way she leaned back in her seat; her long legs lay out in front of her; her hand stroking the leather of the seat as she hummed gently.
She would look out of the window, and then back to me every so offend, and I would be a lying creature to say I wasn't secretly pleased and had to fight my grin the whole way there.
Once we had made it to our destination, it was like a ghost town. Only a few people were around at this hour, so that meant fewer thoughts to fill my head, and more of my own to have about Bella.
I took her to the pier. It was nice at night, the long wooden stretch lit by tall lamps, and the sound of the ocean waves hitting against the beams, supporting us as we went.
All the while, she was concern about me breaking curfew, and getting Esme and Carlisle upset with me. I almost laughed at the thought. I was a 100 year old vampire. The second oldest one (in vampire years) in the Cullen family behind Carlisle… naturally—they didn't care where I went and what time I would be back, just so long as I kept them notify.
I found her concern amiable.
Soon we were rested at the end of the pier; Bella leaning over the rail and me standing close by.
I admitted to finding her different than all the others of her age, and that that was a very good thing. She seemed pleased, and joked about our conversation being like a game of 20 Questions.
"If you want it to be." I answered without much thought. It was shocking to me how much I wanted to please her in that one moment. Her eyes widened just the slightest, but were back to normal before long.
"Oh, does the mysterious Edward Cullen want to know more about little old me?" She had that pretty grin of hers on and looked right at me. I felt my lips twitch into something remarkably similar to that of a smirk.
"Are you sure it's not the other way around?" I challenged. I wanted to do off with myself for enjoying my time with her, but at the same time, I did not want to be anywhere else.
I was going to pay for this later.
She laughed at me, and all thoughts were lost once again.
"Maybe just a little." The moonlight mix with the soft wind and dim light from the lamps above made her skin look milky, and her dark hair to blow softly in the wind. I had the strangest urge to brush that one loose piece of stray hair from her face. I balled my hand into a fist and looked away.
"What is your favorite color?" I asked after a moment of collecting myself.
We started our game, and I wanted to finish it.
It had barely been five minutes before Bella did a truly Bella thing, as I've come to know, and asked me the last question I'd expect from her.
"Okay. Your turn: First girlfriend." I looked away no shorter than a second later. Why?
Why did she ask this of me? I could lie. I could tell her a name that would mean nothing to me, tell her stories of a person that I had never met. I could tell her claims of childhood love. I could also tell her I did not want to answer.
She wouldn't take that last one, though. So I went for honesty.
"I've never had a girlfriend, Bella." She looked shocked. Her eyes a little too wide, her lips slightly parted. She looked like she didn't believe me.
It was a tad bit pathetic.
Hell, it was very pathetic.
"What?" she whispered in disbelief.
"Really, I've never had a girlfriend. It's no big deal." I told her, feeling strangely uncomfortable. I was rarely uncomfortable, unless blood was involved. She shook her head.
"Wow." She said softly, so softly had I been human I could have very well missed it.
"Why do you say it like that?" I questioned, looking down into her eyes.
They became hazy and I almost smiled.
"You just seem like the kind of guy who has girls lining up everywhere just to get a look at you. I thought that you would at least have had a girlfriend in the past." She explained, her face looking a little flushed. I was pleased with her answer, finding pride in myself once again for something so petty.
"I've just never found the right person." I said quietly. I wanted her to know. To know that I was not the kind to settle for anything less than perfect; I would not settle for someone just for one night. In my time, you just did not do that, and that had been the one thing to stick with me in all my years.
Emmett never let me forget it, too.
She almost looked like she was going to smile.
An hour later we were back in Forks, and I was more than a little annoyed when I had to ask Bella where she lived. She told me with a small smile that didn't quite touch her eyes.
I pulled up to her house and put the car in park. I kept my hands on the wheel, not really knowing what to do. It wasn't everyday that I drove a human girl home from a party, and then a night out on the town.
It didn't even happen every few years for me.
It has never happened to me.
Until now, that is.
I thought back to our conversation a few moments back, and I knew I had my answer as for what to say.
"But you, Bella, have one more question, I believe." I told her, taking my hands off of the wheel and leaning back in my seat, letting my eyes close. Her heart beat was a beautiful sound. I could hear it beat, quick and slow, in her chest. I could almost hear her blood running through her veins. I heard her swallow.
"Okay, Cullen. Let's see." She said. I didn't bother opening my eyes, since it took her close to two minutes to think of one question.
I would know because I counted.
Maybe I was pathetic after all.
"What were you going to say?" she asked quietly. I opened my eyes and looked at her. Her cheeks looked red, and I wished for nothing more than to hear her thoughts. Just for one second. One second was all I asked for, and of course, I did not get it.
I was not that lucky.
"When Emmett asked what you thought about me?" my mind when back to that God-awful game of Truth or Dare and I wanted to kill Emmett all over again.
I had nothing to tell her. I didn't know what I was going to say before Lauren and Jessica broke up our game and then left to call the police.
I was actually glad for the interruption.
I took a deep breath.
"I think… I think I probably would have said that you are a very lovely girl, and seem like a very… altruistic person." I said slowly, honestly. It was a relief to speak what was on my mind for a change to someone other than my family. I was suddenly shocked by just that thought: I thought of her as a person. I thought of her as a lovely altruistic girl and I should not have.
Alice always told Jasper that; that if he were feeling like he could kill any one person at any given time, to just think of them as people—people who have a life and a family worth living for.
That always helped Jasper just the slightest.
If I were to slip and kill Bella, I don't think I would feel any pain.
I would be too emotionally numb to feel anything.
"A lovely girl? Thanks, I guess?" her face was pulled into a cute mixture of confusion and approve, and I couldn't but laugh.
"Quite funny as well," she looked at me and then shook her head.
"Well, thanks for tonight, Edward. I guess it was kinda like a first date. Just without all the awkwardness and stupidity," she told me as she took off her seatbelt. I felt my lips twitch at the word 'date'.
"You're very welcome. And I'm glad to have saved you the trouble of walking home in the dark. Though, now that I think of it, wouldn't have been very… safe." I said disapproving. Alice didn't show me much of her vision, but she did say she didn't want anything to happen to Bella. I didn't want to think of if that had a double meaning.
She rolled her pretty eyes.
"I can take care of myself just fine. Believe me. But thank you anyway." I did believe her. Something just told me she could take care of herself, but I felt this… this need to look out for her. I shouldn't have felt it, but I did, and I knew it would kill me. We sat in the car unmoving; she didn't make any move to leave, and I had nothing to say once again.
Think, Edward! Open your stupid mouth!
"Will I see you at school on Monday?" Stupid. Vampire. That was what I got? Will I see you at school on Monday? I needed to listen to Alice much more and pay more attention when reading the minds of men talking to women.
I felt like a disgrace.
Bella smiled and all other thoughts were discarded.
"Of course, I have nothing better to do." I smiled at her answer. She was a free spirit—a rebel—and I think I liked that about her.
"I will see you then, Bella." I replied. She looked at me, and I her, and then, even having been able to read her thoughts, I don't think I would have seen what came next: Bella leaned over and placed a quick, soft kiss to my frozen cheek.
I was in too much shock to move.
Bella so close to me I could hear her eyelids flutter close.
Smell her heavenly scent.
Hear her heart beat loud and strong in my ears, feeling like the sound was traversing through my body and back again.
Her burning lips on my skin that had been dead for so long, only now coming back to life—it felt amazing.
"Goodnight, Edward." she whispered, getting out of the car. I sat there, lost in my own thoughts until I heard a sweet giggle, and snapped back to it. I looked to see Bella opening the door to her home, and swiftly took the Volvo out of park, speeding away and back to my place as quickly as possibly.
I needed to get away.
I needed my dark room.
I needed a place to hide.
A dead animal beneath my hands, taking its last few breaths as it left this world too soon, going into the next.
I needed blood running down my face, my hands pulling at my hair, the wind throwing itself at my back at high speeds as I stood on mountain tops thousands of feet high, looking down on the world.
Anything to get the feel of Bella Winchesters soft, warm lips on my frozen face out of my mind, and off of my skin.
God, I thought to myself, if you really are out there, save me now.
I'm going to Hell.
"No, Edward—come at me like you really mean it!" Emmett said, breathing heavily though he had no reason to, as I grabbed at his body, flipping him over my shoulder, and back twenty feet into the crisp morning air.
He flipped in mid-air, leading on his knees a few seconds later and looked at me grinning.
"You've asked for it, little brother." he was in front of me in half a second, his huge body shoving against mine. I moved to the left as he went for me from the right, always being just a few seconds ahead of him.
"Stop reading my moves!" he shouted.
"Can't help it—sorry!" I replied laughingly as I outsmarted him yet again.
Emmett was good to wrestle with whenever I needed a distraction, though he wasn't much of a fight for me. Had it been Emmett against anyone else, they would have been on their backs, staring at the sky with Emmett's massive hand holding them by their throat. But I wasn't anyone else.
I was Emmett's brother; the mind reader.
Alice was the only one who could hold a good fight against me.
She was able to see the moves I would make before I made them, and then change hers so quickly I could barely keep up with her thoughts. She fought with her eyes closed and she was so small she could move out of harms way faster than just about anyone.
She was sometimes the only one in my family I could do anything challenging with.
Though Jasper did have his moments—he was the best fighter of us all.
He didn't need to read your mind to know your moves. It's what he'd been made for.
"Give it up, Eddie!"
"Oh, I've got all day, brother." I replied, blocking a kick to my abdomen and sending one right back to him. He wasn't as lucky and was soon again flying through the air. He landed by the back door of our home and Esme came out seconds later.
"That's enough, boys!" she yelled, her caramel colored hair pulled back from her face.
"Did you see how close he came to my window?" Emmett and I chuckled. We may have been decades old, but we were still just boys at heart.
"Sorry, Esme." We replied in unison. Esme, try as she might, could not hold back her smile.
"Just be more careful." Esme went back inside, but not before stopping to stare hopelessly at a flower that had been stepped on, probably by Emmett: he had no clue where he placed his feet, and had ruin many items over the years.
Poor thing, Esme thought sadly. I felt a pang of guilt, even with having no part in the death of green life.
"So, Ed. What'd you and the Winchester girl do after Alice sent you on your way?" Emmett asked me, his face pulled into a smirk, his eyebrows rising up and down suggestively. I punched his shoulder.
"Nothing." I replied, taking off in a run through the woods.
"Stop running away from it!" he called, following after me as I cut through the woods at a fast speed. Emmett was the strongest, but I was the fastest, and he was left behind very quickly. Close to fifty miles later, I finally stopped and stared at the forest around me: tall trees, some of the only things older than me, stood proud and still, wild flowers boomed freely, through there were only a few, since the season did not call for them, and wild animals ran freely across the frost floor.
Emmett caught up with me a few minutes later, looking at me with distaste.
"Why'd ya run? You always run when we ask about her." I sighed.
"Because I don't wish to speak about it, Emmett; even you should be able to understand that." he came to stand beside me, and I took two steps back. He sighed.
"Sorry, man. Keep forgetting about that whole 'personal space' thing." I cracked a small smile.
"Look… no one's forcing you into anything—"
"But you are!" I said, forcefully.
"Everyone expects something out of me! Her blood sings to me, Emmett! It sings to me." he knew how that was, and he closed his eyes. An image of an older woman, probably in her mid-thirties, with long brown hair pulled back in braids, came to his mind, and then she was dead. Just like that, her eyes huge and lifeless as she stared up at the sky. The next image was of Emmett: him looking at himself in a reflection of water as he washed her blood from his hands.
Emmett knew what it was like to have someone's blood sing to you.
"I'm sorry…" I said quietly. He didn't answer, only looked up at the sky over head, his thoughts remorseful.
"She had a family." He said.
"But I couldn't control myself, Edward. Her blood was so sweet—I couldn't resist. I killed her, Edward. And you want to know the worst part?" I looked at him, not knowing if I did or not. Emmett usually kept his serious side to himself, only choosing to let his fun, childish ways run free, and not feel regret with any of his decisions.
"I enjoyed it. Every drop of her blood was like a calling from the gods. It was like it was made for me, her blood. When I was finished, I wiped my mouth, finally looking away from her neck for the first time." He took a breathe he didn't need and then continued:
"The first thing I saw was her wide, unblinking brown eyes, and then, I saw hers." He showed me the picture in his mind, of the little girl with lighter hair than the woman he had just killed, but their eyes were the same. And not just in color. She stared back at Emmett with eyes that mirrored the eyes of the woman who could only have been her mother. They were wide, unblinking, and dead.
She had seen her mother be killed by a monster.
"I killed that little girl's mama and she saw the whole thing. She saw me digging my hands deeper into her throat, groaning as the blood filled my mouth. She saw me push her to the side when I had finished every last drop. And then she saw me when I hung my head in shame, and ran."
I didn't say anything. I didn't have anything to say.
I always believed Emmett to be someone who did not filter his thoughts. He always said what was on his mind at any given moment, and he never seemed sorry for it.
It turned out he didn't want to think these thoughts.
It was too painful for him.
I truly felt ashamed of myself, thinking for all this time that Emmett was almost as clueless as a child, and sometimes even as shallow as Rosalie.
That wasn't the half of it.
His eyes met mine, and they weren't full of his usual mischief.
"You're stronger than me, Ed, and not just because you're older. You were able to resist what you are that first day with Bella. You were able to resist temptation and you still are. I wish I was that strong, but I can't change the past; can't make up for all the pain I caused that little girl—that family. But you can. And you have been." I looked down, feeling almost as low as the dirt on the ground, the dirt on my shoes.
"Emmett, I—"
"I know." He cut me off, for the first time since this conversation started; a smile was on his face.
"I'm better at keeping to myself than you think. But Edward, man—you gotta get with it. You can't keep hanging out with the girl if you want nothing to do with her in the end, and you sure as hell can't kill her. I'm rather fond of the girl, you see. She reminds me of one of my little sisters." His thoughts took him to his human years, his big family in Tennessee. He shook the thoughts away.
"She's good for you." He said.
"How is she good for me, when I want so badly to—to—" I couldn't finish, and Emmett knew that. He took a step toward me, his mind screaming, "Screw the personal space, crap!"
"I could kill her." I said before he got a chance to open his mouth. His deep, booming voice was gentle for once.
"But you haven't." I sighed.
"Why do we keep having this conversation?" I asked, half annoyed, half defeated. He chuckled.
"Because, little brother—you don't listen. And we're gonna keep having this talk until you get it." he put his hand on my shoulder, and looked me in my eyes.
"You won't kill her, Edward. We all know that, even Rose." Rosalie's main problem with me and Bella 'hanging out' was that I could slip. Rosalie liked it here in Forks; the nice, quiet life this small town provided her with. She, Emmett and Jasper only had one more year of high school before they could go off, wherever they wanted, claming that they were leaving for college. Within that timeframe, the rest of us, Alice and myself, would finish school and Carlisle would find new work, pack us up, and leave to another town. I would probably claim fifteen—almost sixteen—the youngest I could get away with, and Alice would be whatever age she pleased at our new school.
That was our undead life.
It was our understanding.
"Okay." I said.
"I won't kill her." and this one sentence, to me, was more of a promise.
I didn't want to think about the pain it would cause if I had to look into her dull, unblinking eyes.
Or even worst: couldn't look into those beautiful green orbs at all.
"Now we just gotta figure out what you want to do with her." Emmett said as he finally took his hand away from my shoulder, and walked halfway across the small clearing we were in.
"Do with her?" I questioned. His mind showed me images of dark movie theaters and hot, crowded night clubs.
"No, I'm not—"
"Okay, so that last one was much, but still. I say we make a move—"
"We," I caught his eye and spoke in a firm voice.
"are not doing anything." He pouted, and it was pretty disturbing to witness.
"Maybe just—"
"No."
"How about—"
"Don't think so."
"Now you're just being unreasonable!" Emmett shouted, causing a few frighten birds to take flight, protesting loudly as they went.
"You need to man up and take that stick up out of your ass!" I flinched.
"Emmett, please—"
"Don't you Emmett me! I'm sick of this! We've already decided you wouldn't kill her, but you still have yet to decide if you are going to get involved with her."
I didn't say a word. Not one word, for once. Emmett had a way of shutting you up, even when you felt you could talk for hours more.
"She has a boyfriend." I reminded him.
"Who she… loves," I said the word hardly. Emmett listed that tone underlining my voice as pain.
"Did you hear a word Jazz said that day? It's not true love, whatever the hell that might be!" he was trying to be funny at the end, but I couldn't find the humor. I turned away from him.
"You got a shot at her!"
"Even so, she's still human!"
"So change her!" I turned around slowly, my hands clenching in and out of fists.
"Don't ever say something stupid like that again." I warned him, my eyes probably black as night. He held up his hands, palm forward, slowly.
"Just an idea,"
"An awful one." I would never wish this life on anyone. Even though I was surrounded by my 'family', it was still an empty life. It was a cold one. Lonely and nomadic; we were dead.
We never aged, never had any reason not to live in the moment. Some would want that—some kill for that—trying to find some way to never grow old.
Immortality.
It wasn't what everyone made it out to be.
It was ugly.
It was a curse.
I paid the price of losing my soul, and I would not want that bestowed upon anyone.
Especially not on Bella Winchester.
"Alright," Emmett agreed. We stood around for a few more minutes; me looking down, my face as hard as the rock I was slowly crushing under my foot, and Emmett, contemplating uprooting a large tree just for the hell of it.
"Come on," he finally said, his thoughts of haunting a few deer and then heading back home to Rosalie.
"I'll race you!" I smiled, glad for the sudden turn of events.
"You'll be eating my dust!" I replied jokingly. We both took off, so fast and light, our feet barely touched the ground.
But no matter how light my body felt, I was still weighed down by my mind; my ever thinking mind.
Emmett was right: It was time for me to make up my mind. Having Bella around had been fun and games, but it was time to actually think of something other than two outcomes for once: The outcome of me killing Bella, and the outcome of me actually wanting to be with Bella.
I still didn't know what I wanted.
I wanted to not feel so alone all the time.
I wanted to feel something other than the emotions given to me by Jasper.
I wanted to know what it was to love, and be loved.
I also wanted Bella Winchester to have a happy human life as far away from me as possible.
I just wanted to be happy, and even with all these thoughts, I still didn't know if Bella Winchester was the thing that Alice said was going to change all of our lives for the better. I was putting my life in Alice's hands when Emmett and I returned home later that night, our bodies and clothes covered in dry leaves, grass and dirt. Alice was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs when I walked through the back door.
"Alice—" she held up one small, manicured hand, and smiled.
"No need, brother. I already know."
"So you'll help me?" I asked. She didn't answer, but her mind told me as much.
"I knew you would come around." Her tone was smug, but her thoughts relieved.
"Emmett and I had an interesting talk this afternoon." She didn't reply. Finally, as I turned to leave, she spoke again:
"It won't be easy, Edward." She warned quietly. I nodded.
"I know."
"You'll have to be careful with her; give her no reason to fear you." I nodded again.
"And you mustn't keep anything from her, expect what you are, until you feel that she loves you back." I looked her in her eyes.
"Okay. But love..." she smiled softly.
"I know it's a big word, Edward, and maybe for you and her, not yet. But you'll come to know much of it soon." I ran my hand through my hair, a nervous habit I had taken with me from my human life.
"How soon?" she smiled that knowing smile of hers once again.
"Soon." I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. I knew when I had made this decision, Alice would want to throw me in head first, but I haven't prepared for the emotional consequences that were sure to follow just yet.
"No, how soon do we start?" I made clear. She pushed her lips.
"We don't start anything. You do. And that is all up to you, brother dear. But remember: time is the last thing we have right now." I frowned.
"What does that mean?" her mind flashed to a dark room, smoke, and high-pitched laughter mixed with screaming. The memory of one of her visions was gone after just one second, an uncommon slip from Alice. She always did so well as to hide the things she did not want you to know, and I had been no exception to that.
Until now.
"What the hell was that, Alice? Was that Bella screaming?" I asked, almost frantic. She shook her head, her black spikes seeming to agree with her.
"I don't know. I don't know what or who it is." She then looked at me worryingly.
"Should I call Jasper? Do you need—"
"I'm fine." I replied.
"I'm okay."
"I never meant to show you that." Alice whispered.
"How long have you been hiding that from me?" I tried to stay calm, but I wasn't known for being the calm one.
"Since before Bella arrived," she admitted. I felt my head drop.
Alice, the one who I was closest to of all, had lied to me. Had not showed me something as important as whatever that vision was. I tried not to let how I truly felt show when I answered her.
"Well, I guess we'll just have to wait until then." Alice nodded wordlessly.
I had come to the conclusion that Bella Winchester was, as I said: a very lovely, altruistic person and I could not stay away from her. The universe wouldn't have it, and the Devil knows I've tried.
I would build things slowly, work on these new found feelings of mine, get her to return even an ounce of what I felt for her, and then strike.
I would make Bella Winchester—a human—fall in love with me—a monster.
It was the only plan I had, and as Emmett had said before we had finished our hunting, "It's the only plan you need."
I was counting on that.
"Goodnight." I said to Alice, even though it was only five O'clock and we did not have any reason to say such things to each other since we did not sleep.
I had only gone no higher than three steps when Alice spoke again:
"It won't be easy, you know." I stopped, not even bothering to turn around.
"Bella Winchester isn't like most girls." I felt my lips pull into a tight line as I continued on my way to my bedroom.
I didn't answer.
Wow! Hi! Oh my God! It's been almost one year! I am so sorry! I can honestly say that I feel like crying right now! I've been so awful to you guys, and you don't deserve any stupid excuses, so I won't offer any other than this: I just haven't felt like writing. Lord knows I've sat down in front of my lap top, place my hands over the keys, and only ever got one line, two at most. I'm awful, and I'll be so damn grateful if even just one of you is still reading this! Just know that I've always thought of you guys, and I'm not lying right now!
But if you do want some excuses…
I'm been working so hard on my music. It's my other passion besides writing. I know I'm young—only 16—but I do know that I want to do two things in life, and they aren't the most realistic things: Be in a band, or be a writer.
I'm a hell of a lot closer to that first one!
My brother and I—shout out to Donald! He'll probably never see this—have been working on music like crazy since before last Christmas. Ever since we went to that Green Day concert I told you all about before I went MIA (SO DAMN SORRY, ONCE AGAIN!) I think it sparked something inside of us, and we've wanted that ever since.
I've also been busy working on my new blog (it's a book reviewing blog, for YA (young adult) books, and I've been trying to build a following. If any of you are interested in that, just leave a comment or message me on here. Hell, if you just wanna say hi, message me! I love you guys and I would love to start talking to as many of you again as I can!
I've been going to concerts nonstop, as well. There's nothing better than live music! I'm seeing Good Charlotte on the 21st of this month! Yay! So excited to be seeing one of my favorite bands ever, for the second time! :)
Oh, I'm also kind of working on a clothing line with my brother called Granby Street Clothing. That's coming along nicely, too!
Just a funny thing: I was reading through some of my old chapters, and the spelling/EVERYTHING is just AWFUL! I'll be editing everything soon! I think this chapter was a HUGE improvement, but that could just be me. :P
Plus, I've been thinking about taking some college courses. Being home schooled (if you didn't know, well, now you do) I'm pretty much finished with high school, so I can start college any time now. But I want to take things slow and get a real feel for things before I really go for it.
Well, I'm sure there is SO MANY MORE THINGS I could tell you, but that's just all for now. Just know this: you guys have been in my thoughts and my prayers, and I love each one of you.
Okay. Time for the REALLY IMPORTANT STUFF!
This story needs a new summary! I don't know if you've seen the summary I have now, but it's just awful! Please, one of you, I'm begging for you guys to send me some summaries you think would be great for this story, and I will use the best one! Wouldn't that be cool? I know you guys can do it! You're all amazing! Also, I'm gonna do a Q and A for Not As It Seems! I think it'll be really cool if you guys message me some of your questions (or leave them in a review) and I'll answer them! Ask me all the questions you want!: "When are Bella and Edward going to get together?" "Are the Twilight vampires different from the Supernatural ones?" "What's your favorite book?" "WHY DID YOU LEAVE US FOR SO LONG?" ANYTHING! Leave me questions, guys! :)
Please, leave a review, talk to me, I'm nice; I swear! :)
Also know that I am alive. I am well. And I am back! I'll never leave you guys for so long again, and I'm working on the next chapter of this here story as you are reading this! Take care guys, I love you!
-Angel
Songs for this chapter:
Too Much –All Time Low (Their third album, Dirty Work, just came out and it was number one on iTunes for three days! I'm so proud of these boys! If you haven't heard of them, you're crazy! Go listen to them! They're actually going on tour in July (I'll be seeing them on the 27th, the day after Warped Tour!) and they are, right now, on their European headlining tour. :) Such sweet guys, really. Wow, sorry for the rant! :P
Adorable –Artist Vs. Poet
Without You –Brighten
Whoever She Is—The Maine (This song is perfect for this chapter! Like, seriously! Listen to it while you're reading the part between Edward and Emmett! :P )
Jane Doe—Never Shout Never
Please review you guys! I've missed you all so much!
Mel, I know you're reading this, and I'm sorry for not writing back as much as I should! I'm gonna change that! :)
REVIEW! :)
P.S, Sorry this chapter isn't as long as my usual ones! :(
PLEASE REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEWS ROCK! REVIEW!