Chapter 21 (LF)
After a while it was time to go back to school, I thought there was nothing worse, and it could not get any worse; I was going back to school with no Sirius to hold my hand. I spent my first day back in the girls dorm unpacking; I couldn't be bothered to go to class.
I did not sleep well that night, it was the first time I had slept in my own bed in my own dorm for a long time; I was always in the boys' dorm, snuggling next to Sirius. "Louise" I felt somebody shaking me "Louise"
"Eh?"
"Are you ok? It's already around the whole school that you and Sirius have split... what happened?" it was Lily I noticed as I struggled to sit up "What time's it?"
"10, it's not exactly late" I nodded
"Yeah, we split, while at James', something happened, and we split up" Lily patted my shoulder, she wanted to tell me something more, I could see it in her face, I however did not press her, I didn't want to know what he had said.
I awoke while it was still dark, looking around I couldn't see anybody up so I went down to the common room, it seemed deserted so I thought it safe to take a seat and watch the dying flames , I flicked my wand at the embers to alight them again.
I sat, not taking in anything around me but the dancing fire, flames licking at the air extracting the oxygen. I tucked my feet to the side of me still mesmerised by the flames "Thanks for an amazing night Siri, hope I can sleep in your dorm another night" I jumped, my attention going far away from the flames,
"Of course... but it's not like we really sleep much now is it babe?" a girly giggle echoed around the circular common room, I sat there, stock still, biting down on my tongue so I would not scream, my vision got slightly clouded as searing hot tears formed.
"Hmm, you know, I wouldn't mind you doing what you did up there... because your tongue is absolutely to die for, common, show me one more time" I heard something in his voice that I had never heard, pure lust. Tears escaped as I realised what he had done... gone from me to this slut.
I heard kissing sounds and I tried to block them out... I couldn't though, the kissing went to moans and I could not take it, I stood up and yelled "Look, if you're gonna fuck a slut, go and fuck in your room, some of us don't want to hear it!" I went to storm up the girls steps
"Just because you lost him, you're jealous; just admit you wish you were fucking him... when he's mine now" a manic cackle passed my lips "Dear Godric... couldn't actually think a girl could be so stupid! You don't have Sirius, no-one has Sirius, Sirius has himself; he doesn't belong to anyone. And, nah I would never be jealous of someone like you, he's using you, because you're easy, I bet you didn't even pause when he offered"
"That's enough Louise" Sirius sounded annoyed and tired, I turned to him
"You can't tell me what to do"
"No, but I advise you shut up and leave me to it, she's better than you"
"We never even..."
"Exactly, she wants it... she begs for it, you on the other hand" he barked out a small laugh then turned to the girl and started snogging her.
I turned and left the common room, I ran down the corridor, not caring that I could not see, I just wanted to get away from the scene of Sirius with her, Sirius telling me I was not good enough... I always thought it. Always knew it. I had ruined it.
I slid down a wall sobbing, I knew I could no longer hang out with the boys, and I had not bothered to get friends anywhere else because I never thought anything would happen. I suppose, I could catch up on any school work and stuff.
"You shouldn't be out of your common room" I didn't look up, I was crying way too much... I thought I knew who it was...
Perfect revenge, I looked up smiling feebly, yes, it was, I had only met him every so often in the corridor "So I'm guessing this is about the blood traitor Black?"
"Yes"
"He's a bastard, Babe, seriously, he doesn't deserve you"
"Oh well, he's fucking a slut right now, he actually said that I wasn't as good as her"
"I bet you are, I bet no-one could beat you" I shrugged and then leapt onto him pressing my lips hard onto his, he responded at once wrapping his arms around me kissing back. He growled at being dominated and flipped me over onto the stone floor, covering my body with his own.
I met him outside the great hall after quickly going to my dorm to shower and change, he had done the same, his shoulder length hair was scraped back into a pony tail; a few strands were out framing his pointed face. He smiled holding out his hand for me to take before spinning me around into his arms, I smiled up at him before he kissed me.
He put his arm around my shoulders before we entered the great hall, any talk before we had entered died suddenly, and every head turned to us, I looked up at the confident young man whose arm was wrapped tightly around me, I noticed the hold tightened ever so slightly more.
We walked to a table where some people separated to let us sit, I looked over to the Gryffindor table, I saw Sirius looking over, his hands were shaking, his face red with anger and it looked like he was about to throw his knife at someone. I bit my lip but soon turned away from him to look at the boy that now accompanied me. It was good... he did not remind me of Sirius in any way shape or form... the only things they had in common was height, gender and family wealth.
I was laughing with his fellow house mates when the boy's arm leapt around my shoulders I looked up to see two black haired boys in front of us, both seemed as angry as the other "Yes Black, Potter?" he asked politely
"Malfoy, get your hands off my girl" Sirius' voice shook with rage
"Excuse me? Your girl? Since when in the past week have I been yours! You told me that I was not good enough! Told me I was worse than a cheap dirty slut!" I screamed standing up, low murmuring erupted in the great hall, even the few teachers that were down started muttering to each other. "I... I..." he seemed lost for words, James had backed slightly away from his friend "You what?" he hissed
"Mate, I didn't mean it, I promise, I was trying to fuck a girl at the time... it just slipped out" James shook his head in disgust before leaving the great hall
"I'd leave Black, your dirty little secrets out, maybe people would realise how much of a blood traitor you really are" he stood up with me and pulled me over the bench before leading me out of the great hall.
"Thank you Lucius" he shook his head
"I never thought I'd be nice to you, but you're a good fuck, and seem a nice enough girl, even for a mudblood" I winced with the words he spoke, nice fuck... mudblood. I looked up at him seeming unfazed by his words, he kissed me putting his hands on my arse "Five points each for public display of affection, five points each for causing a scene in the great hall, five points from Gryffindor for lack of taste, and five points from Slitherin for taking Sirius' bird" I stood there looking at a Hufflepuff Prefect, he had so much hatred in his eyes it was unbelievable.
"Thirty points from Hufflepuff for pointless point taking" Lucius replied before turning around holding onto my hand and walking away with me behind him.
He lead me down stairs, going further down, it was as if he was going to the dungeons where we had potions, then he turned off down a concealed staircase, we went down where there was a portrait, "snake" he hissed and the empty portrait opened. I entered after him, the common room was cold, decorated in silver and green. Some first, second and third years scarpered from the common room; I laughed quietly "You like my authority?"
"Of course, it's so sexy" he looked at me smugly, I smiled up at him before he led me down some steps that I could only guess were the boys' dormitories.
We went into the grounds after about an hour; we both had reasons to be seen together. Not really because we wanted to be together, more...
We both had the same reason.
I heard my name being called so turned only to see James Potter; I looked away, "Louise... don't do this to yourself"
"What's it to you Potter?" Lucius said trying to pull me away
"It's ok honey"
"If you're sure... I'll just be over there... call if you need me" I nodded and he left to sit by the lake.
"Louise... I know why you're doing this... don't put yourself through it, please"
"Sirius has managed this"
"Listen to yourself, and look at what you're doing! You are fucking this evil guy that hates people like you because of blood, he's using you, I know your using him, but you'll be worst off when it blows up"
"I won't... I'll be fine"
"He's a slimy git, he's using you, and... I hate to think what you're doing together"
"We're fucking, nothing more" I swallowed, the bitter words almost seemed familiar in my mouth
"Louise... this isn't you" I walked away I could not hear the truth, I knew that, I just wanted to get my own back on Sirius for what he had done and said.
I sat next to Lucius, he looked over at me then went back to a book he was reading... it wasn't a nice book by the look of it either. I sat there still and silent, before I got bored and started playing with the grass in front of me. I picked off strands and shredded them to pieces.
After a while I looked up realising I was completely alone, no-one was in the grounds at all. I stood and looked around better, it was still light, so it was not like I had been shredding grass for ages, I thought it had only been about an hour, and Lucius had left without giving me any sign.
I wandered back into the school, climbing the stairs getting to the Gryffindor common room, I passed fellow students on the way; I did not stop though. I got to the common room, through the portrait. The boys were sitting in their favourite chairs in front of the fire. Remus stood up once I entered and strode towards me "Come on" he took my hand and lead me back out of the common room.
He led me along corridors, past classrooms, up stairs until we stopped outside the transfiguration classroom. He led me in, tables stacked high on each other, "Professor... may I use this classroom for a few moments please... you could stay if you wanted, I don't think however you would like what you hear" Remus seemed so confident while practically chucking our head of house out of her own classroom. "Mr. Lupin... why would you like to use my classroom"
"Well Professor, we cannot use the library as I will more than likely end up shouting and the common room is full and our dormitory isn't very appropriate, if you don't want us to use this space I am happy to find a deserted classroom but I would kind of like this to be vaguely monitored encase it gets out of hand"
"You sound like you are about to duel"
"No... But I have to speak with her and the conversation could get nasty if I am not careful"
"Remus I'm leaving... I don't see why you need to talk to me"
"You stay right there" he growled dangerously through gritted teeth.
"Ok... you can use here... but I would like an explanation afterwards from you in an essay by Monday" she got up and left the classroom closing the door.
Remus put down some of the tables and a few benches. He then sat me down then sat opposite me; there was a deadly seriousness on his face which almost scared me, I looked away unable to meet his piercing gaze "Louise" I tried to make it seem I hadn't heard him, I however jumped with his voice; it was harsh, harsher than I had ever heard it. I still kept my head down, not looking at him. "Louise" he said again, just as harshly, this time though, he seemed angrier.
I looked up slightly, he looked furious; he was scary. I looked back down "Yes Remus" I mumbled to the floor
"Look at me" he growled; I hesitated
"Remus... you're scaring me"
"Good" I flinched slightly
"What..." I heard a scrape
"Stop hurting yourself" I jumped, he was right next to me
"I'm not... Remus what?" he gripped my chin forcing my head around to look into his face; I did not look into his golden eyes.
"You, with Lucius, it's obvious what you're doing and you're just hurting yourself and, well you're hurting Sirius, me and James"
"Then forget I exist" I made to get up but he put his hands firmly on my shoulders keeping me in my place
"You may not think yourself important, but we care for you a lot, we cannot just forget you exist"
"Bit late to say that... and like, stop talking like Sirius gives a shit"
"Listen!" I flinched
"Remus..."
"Listen to me, and shut up! Sirius still loves you! Do you understand?"
"You shut up!" I screamed Remus thumped his fist hard against the desk in anger
"Listen to me! You are hurting yourself more than I think you realise... I am not talking about physical; I'm talking about how you feel... you didn't want to lose your virginity to Lucius I know that I know you well enough to know that you wouldn't be doing this if you knew what the hell you are doing... what can make you think that you will find something with Lucius?"
"I'm not looking for anything... Sirius hurt me I wanna get my own back I wanna make him feel as small as he made me feel... I wanna make him feel as hurt as he's made me when he said I wasn't as good as a slut, he doesn't give two flying pixies how I feel anymore but I want to hurt him!" I screamed louder and pushed myself from his grasp scarpering out of the classroom but before I left I span around and yelled "Tell him what you like... but you can't make me come back to you lot!" and then left as fast as I could.
I had run a fare distance when I stopped out of breath; I sat down leaning against a wall before falling asleep on the cold floor.