Chapter Twenty One

Boys Don't Cry

We can never predict the outcome of our actions. We can only make them with a true heart. – Garrett Hawke

Darktown

Anders' Clinic

Garrett slowly stirred from his slumber and he became acutely aware of the warmth around him, holding him in a gentle embrace. The mage had slept like the dead and he now felt a lot better after resting up. He still needed a bath badly and a new set of robes but for the moment he was perfectly content to just stay lying in that amazing warmth. When his vision cleared Garrett realised he was lying nose to nose with Anders who was still asleep.

The blond man had his arms around Garrett and his leg was thrown over Hawke's, wrapping him in a cocoon of warmth. Garrett couldn't help but feel so incredibly lucky that his fellow apostate actually had feelings for him. He wasn't lying when he said that he had wanted to kiss Anders from the moment they met. There was something about him that just made Garrett watch him all the time, something about the power Anders had that made him so powerful with a dark and sexy aura.

Garrett leaned forward and gently pressed his lips to Anders' plump ones. He tasted so very sweet especially with the feeling of magic on his skin. Garrett pulled back when he felt Justice stir in his mind and the spirit felt incredibly restless. Garrett frowned as he heard Justice whisper in his mind that he needed to talk to Anders once the mage was awake.

Hawke was still trying to get use to the sensation of being bonded to a spirit but Justice had explained he would never take control of Garrett against his will. But if the mage granted his permission then Justice would take momentary control once he fell asleep. He knew that he would have to tell Andes about his condition and he was worried about how the mage would take it. But he needed to get everything out in the open now.

"Good morning." Anders murmured when he opened his eyes.

"You're a sight for sore eyes. If I had to wake up against Varric one more time I think I'd go mad." Garrett grinned as Anders let out a soft laugh.

"I feel sorry for you." The healer smiled. "But I really am glad you're safe."

"I've never seen anything like it." Garrett ran his fingers down Anders' arm. "All that darkness and the monsters. For a moment I never thought I'd see the sunlight again."

"I...I've heard tales of the Deep Roads." Anders reached up to place his fingers against Garrett's cheek. "I would never have wished that on you or anyone."

"But it was worth it." The mage replied. "I found more than enough money for my family. Varric and the others are safe too. That's all that matters."

"You should head home. They'll want to see you." Anders murmured just as Garrett pressed his mouth against the healer. He really did love to kiss him.

"I know." He moaned and the sound caused Anders to harden. He had to shift his legs away from Garrett. As much as he wanted to be with Hawke he wouldn't move this along so fast. He wanted to get it right this time.

"Anders, before I go there's something you need to know." Garrett pulled on his dirtied robe as both mages got off the cot. "When I was in the Deep Roads something happened to Theron."

"Is he alright?" the healer asked worriedly.

"He's fine now but we found this strange idol. When he touched it he...it was like he was possessed." Garrett explained.

"I-Idol?" Anders felt his mouth go completely dry. It couldn't be the same one. They couldn't have found that Maker forsaken idol again. It was because of that thing Meredith went insane and Bartrand ended up in the sanatorium.

"I destroyed it. Theron went back to normal." Garrett said and Anders felt an immense weight lift from his heart. "But during the fight I was injured. I...Anders, it was a bad wound."

"What happened Garrett?" the mage demanded.

"I was poisoned. I can't remember much but I was in the Fade and I met a spirit there." Garrett sighed as he heard Justice talk to him again, whispering with an urgency to talk to Anders. The spirit had saved him and his friends. He owed him this.

Garrett agreed to let Justice take temporary control to better explain things to Anders. He felt like he was being consumed in warmth and light as Justice took over. He was scared at first, the alien feeling taking over completely but he had experienced this in the Deep Roads. Garrett hoped to the Maker that Anders would understand why he agreed to let Justice help him.

"Garrett!" Anders grabbed his arms, fear and panic beginning to take hold. "Tell me what happened now!"

"He allowed me to save him."

Anders felt as if the world had stopped as he arms fell limply to his sides. He knew that voice, he had heard it in his head a thousand times before he corrupted him. Garrett was standing there but his beautiful eyes were now shining with powerful energies from the Fade. There was a calm serenity about his posture but Anders backed away from him, his lips trying to form words but the agony in his heart prevented it.

"He was dying Anders. I gave him a choice." Justice said. "Would you rather he had perished?"

"No..." he whimpered. He backed into the wall. "No! It can't be you! This wasn't supposed to happen!"

"But it has happened and this time you cannot undo it." Justice approached him.

"W-What are you talking about?" Anders felt hot tears roll down his cheeks.

"Spirits have different perceptions to that of mortals. When you altered your own history the spirits remained aware of it." Justice explained. "I know what happened to me and to you."

"Justice, please let him go." Anders begged. "You were never meant to be part of a human! You'll only be corrupted."

"Not all souls possess the anger you had." Justice shook his head. "Garrett is a soul so very rare in this world. His one goal is the protection of his loved ones. He has no grand desire or scheme to change the world."

"That still doesn't make this right." Anders gasped through his tears. "Not him! Please Justice, I-I can't bear it if I lost him."

"You are not the only one with regrets Anders." Justice looked away, sorrow clear in his features. "Vengeance has done unforgivable things and I will always live with the memory of that. But there is one person I have to atone for."

"Let him go!" Anders grabbed the mage by the arms and squeezed them painfully hard. "Please let him go. I...I can't watch this happen!"

"Listen to me Anders!" Justice took hold of the mage. "I did not have these memories before I was rejoined with the Fade. When I was still part of Kristoff I helped Theron destroy the Mother in Amaranthine. He died in that battle Anders."

"What?" the healer whispered in horror.

"He died, his soul had gone beyond the Fade to rest. But...but I had grown attached to him. He was my friend, always there to listen to me when I needed to talk. At that moment I wasn't Justice anymore." Justice turned his back to Anders. "I reached beyond the Fade to find him and bring him back."

"You brought him back to life?" Anders could only stare at the spirit.

"Yes." Justice whispered in response. "A spirit had never done something like that before, I upset the order of life and death. But in that one moment of madness I ruined my friend and I must atone for that."

"Theron's hatred for you...?" Anders gulped.

"It is entirely justified. When he came back it was as if a piece of him had been left behind. And that is why I must help him." Justice turned back to the mage. "Something came back with him."

"What do you mean?" Anders asked. "What something?"

"I do not know but it possesses immense power and it will not relinquish Theron without a fight. But his hatred for me coupled with the entity's power has prevented me from reaching him. Hawke was my last option." Justice sighed heavily.

"Justice, find someone else. I don't care who but don't use Garrett." Anders wiped his eyes. "I know the burden of living with a spirit."

"Have you no faith in him?" Justice crossed his arms. "Have you so little faith that Garrett will not succumb to hatred and vengeance?"

"I trust him with my life!" Anders yelled in rage. "I love him so much. He went through so much pain but he was always trying to help me...help us! Please Justice..." the mage couldn't speak as he fell to his knees before the spirit. "Please let him go. I-I can't lose him Justice. Not after everything."

"I have to make this right Anders. Theron deserves to be granted the peace I took away from him." Justice said calmly. "I have to do this, for both our sakes."

Anders couldn't handle this. After everything he had done to be free of Justice and his own choices here was the spirit in possession of the one person, the only person Anders had truly fallen in love with. It wasn't that he didn't trust Garrett. He was the strongest mage Anders had ever met, an archmage without pier. But it was never his strength that drew Anders. Garrett's capacity for good and his soul that never wavered or lost its purpose had drawn him in completely.

The healer didn't wipe away the tears as he sobbed for Justice and for Garrett. The Maker was punishing him, He had to be. Nothing else could be a crueller fate for him. If Garrett experienced one moment of rage or the need for bloody vengeance then Justice would be corrupted again.

"Anders!" Garrett's voice was worried and he felt hands touch his wet face. "Anders, what's wrong? What happened? Did Justice do something to you?"

"I'm so sorry Garrett. I'm so sorry." Ander sobbed as Garrett pulled him into his arms and hugged him. "It's all my fault. I-I should've gone with you!"

"Anders, please don't do this." Garrett stroked his hair. "I made the choice. I allowed Justice to bond with me."

"But you don't know what it'll do to you." Anders pulled back to look into familiar blue eyes. "I know he's a Spirit of Justice but...but what is he changes you? I-I don't want that to happen."

"Anders, look at me." Garrett waited for the mage to look at him, his honey eyes wet and red. "I can't promise that something won't happen but as long as you and my family are safe then I'll be fine."

"Garrett..." Anders whimpered as he clutched at the torn robes.

"Please trust me Anders." Bright blue eyes sparkled. "And if I can help Theron then I'll do what I can for him."

Anders said nothing. What else could he say? He had spent so much of his time trying to keep Garrett safe from his mistakes but here Justice was staring him in the face. He would never be free of the spirit or his own demons. Now Garrett was going to suffer because of him.

"Anders, please say something." Garrett pleaded, his eyes begging the other mage to say even one thing now. "I can't do this by myself."

"Alright..." he whispered brokenly. If what Justice said was true then Garrett would be a far better host to him than Anders ever was. But he would watch and listen and if a time came when Garrett would lose control Anders swore he would be there to pull him back. "I'll help you."

"Thank you." Hawke sighed with relief.

Anders' response was to wrap his arms around Garrett and just hold onto him. At that moment he made a choice. Garrett was the new host and as much as Anders wanted to believe he would never corrupt Justice there was always a small chance it would happen again. He would protect Garrett no matter what. All the things that defined him still had to happen. The Qunari attack was coming within the next three years and Meredith was still out there gathering power but the idol was gone forever now. Some good had come out of all this.

Anders pressed his face against Garrett's neck. Theron still needed their help and Justice wanted atonement for it. Anders had been a Grey Warden once, Theron had been his closest friend in another life. It was time he started getting that friendship back. He would always have the memories of his time with Vengeance but it was gone now. Anders was through just sitting in his clinic and watching everything happening around him as it should happen.

If it were possible he would be the person he was as a Warden. Garrett needed him and he would die before letting his love down again. And he was so tired of living with the memories and the guilt. He was simply Anders now, a mage with a loose tongue and a feisty attitude. That was how Theron always described him anyway. Maybe that Anders was still around.

"Alright, now that you've told me about Justice, do you fancy a drink?" Anders pulled back and smiled at Garrett's surprised expression. "I could use a drink after all that."

"Anders..." Garrett couldn't stop the laugh that came out. "Yes, yes I'd love a drink.

"It'll be fine Garrett." The healer murmured once they stood up and walked to the clinic entrance. "We'll help Theron. I won't let you down."

"I know." Garrett laced his fingers with Anders'. "That's why I like you so much."

Anders smiled at that. It wasn't love yet on Garrett's part but he was worth the wait. And it had felt liberating in a way to be the person he once was before the possession. It seemed like another lifetime since he last said something like that. Garrett had told him once that he wished he could've met Anders before Justice was part of him.

That was one promise Anders was ready to keep.

So the votes are in and the winner is Fenris!

Carver missed out by two votes which I was surprised at but TheEmptyMind actually made a really good suggestion.

I will still write Theron/Fenris if you wonderful readers will have it but TheEmptyMind made an excellent suggestion of Sebastian/Theron with the idea that Sebastian is facing a crisis of faith when he begins to desire Theron and no amount of praying is going to make the temptation go away. Add to the fact Theron is possessed it would make a lovely plot I think.

Well let me know and I'll get right on. Theron needs to get plaid badly in my opinion hehe.

Also I hope I did alright with Anders finding out about Justice. They may not be bonded anymore but the memories will always be there and I think Anders needed a good kick in the pants to really start making a difference.

What better way than to have you future lover possessed by the very thing that ruined your life? So expect to see a little more Awakening Anders in the future. But to be honest I prefer DA2 Anders. One reviewer Kaassie said that I don't distinct between the two considering Anders is hated on the forums. DA2 really fleshed him out as a character while as much as I liked him in Awakening he came off as an Alistair clone to me.

Oh and said reviewer wanted to know why Theron refers to the Maker instead of his own gods. That isn't poor dialogue on my part but rather a plot point. I can't say anything else without giving it away but Theron says what he says for a reason. You'll have to wait to find out.

And that is enough ranting from me for today.

I love you guys very much and I'll see you soon.