Author's Note: I know you're all worried about little Anna, but I have this plan, see? It's very intricate and dramatic….okay, no, it's not. I just like the angst.
*moons you all just because* And now that you've seen my naked butt, the story can go on.
Say, have you guys read Separate Beds? ;)
A Woman's Worth: Chapter TWENTY ONE
Elena's POV
It was past two in the morning but the Salvatore mansion was still bathed in lights on the lower level, where six people attired in various versions of sleepwear were staring morosely at the flickering flames in the fireplace.
We were all gathered in the living room; Ric and Meredith sitting on the two-seater, fingers interlaced with each others' while Stefan was sitting on the carpet, his back against the dark wood-paneled wall with his fingers buried in his usually spiky hair, now flattened and messy from his own ministrations. The typically upbeat and perky Caroline was now curled in a winged-back armchair, her thick jacket covering her body which was clad in a set of pink pajama pants and an old tee-shirt. The dried tear tracks on her face were the only signs of how upset she was.
"It's getting late," Damon said suddenly, his low voice unnaturally loud in the sullen silence of the room. "If there was any update at all, Elijah would have called by now."
From my stretched out position on the couch with my head on his lap, I turned to peer up at his tensed expression, staring unseeingly at the fire. He had maintained the same seated position on the couch for a long time, his fingers absently combing through my hair while his other hand-held my own in a loose grasp.
Just like several times throughout the night, the moment someone started talking, the rest of us would rouse from our own musings and rejoin the conversation, only to relapse into our own thought bubbles yet again moments later.
"No news is good news, right?" I asked softly, injecting some hope into my voice. There was a chance that little Anna could still be found, alive and unharmed. It was a slim chance but I clung to it like I would to a buoy in an ocean.
"Why? Why would anyone do that to his own daughter? An innocent little child?" came Caroline's anguished voice, breaking towards the end as she choked on the lump in her throat.
"Because he's a monster," Stefan answered bitterly, "a pariah, a burden to society. Any parent who abuses their own child should be given the death penalty or at least, locked up in a maximum security prison. They don't even deserve to be given any medical benefits."
This time, it was Meredith who spoke up. "Criminal or not, every human has rights, and no prison would deny their prisoners the right to get medical attention if they so require it."
Ric piped in with a heavy sigh, rubbing his face with his palms. "Yeah, Mer's right. It's not the legal system at fault here, but Anna's father and also the police officers who were supposed to keep an eye on him. We may not like it but child abusers do not get death sentences. That's just the way it works here."
Stefan didn't agree, though. "Then the system sucks because there's nothing human about such parents. Monsters don't get rights and the sooner they're all dead, the better. They can't be fixed, and they can't be rehabilitated. The world would be better off without them living off of our taxes, breathing in our oxygen, taking up space when there were more deserving people who died because of them."
The rest of us exchanged a confused look at his use of the word 'died' and the way his eyes blazed angrily as if he meant every word that came out of his mouth. It felt…personal.
"Alan is not our father, Stef," Damon said quietly.
Oh. Of course.
"I know he's not," the younger Salvatore bit out, gritting his teeth as if he was in pain. "That doesn't mean he won't become a murderer like Dad was. What he did to that little girl was ugly, and only a heartless man could do that. Now he's kidnapped her, and while we're all sitting here arguing about who deserves to live or die or whether he deserved to get a health check, she might already be dead."
His last whispered word hung over the rest of us like a heavy dark cloud that wouldn't leave. To be honest, that possibility came across my mind several times since I saw Anna's red shoe on the floor of her hospital room, but I pushed that negative thought out of my head the moment it emerged.
"Don't say that," Caroline breathed out with a shudder, her cheeks glistening with tears again. "Please, don't say that. We don't know."
"Listen, Stef," the raven-haired man above me said as he leaned forward, his forehead increasingly creased with worry. "You're upset about Dad, and I get that, but there's no point being angry at the legal system, as well as the issue of human rights. These people or monsters - as you and I call them - they exist and they are everywhere. As much as I hate that fact or that this happened to someone we know, we can't be the judge, jury and executioner and simply decide that the world is better off being rid of them."
I could tell that Damon was getting frustrated with the whole subject now. While Stefan's own traumatizing childhood certainly entitles him to some bitterness for child abusers, Damon was right.
I sat up slowly and squeezed his hand in silent support.
"And what if it was Elena who was taken, huh? Would you be sitting here so calmly if her ex-boyfriend had come back to take her away? Or would you have hunted him down and killed him with your bare hands?" Stefan asked defiantly, evoking shocked gasps from the other three silent spectators who didn't seem eager to jump in between the brothers' exchange.
Instantly, Damon's blue eyes snapped to mine, providing me with an up-close-and-personal view into their troubled depths. He already had enough on his mind, he didn't need to be burdened with concern about me, too.
"Oh God, I'm so sorry, Elena," a sheepish green-eyed Salvatore said, lifting a hand to run through his rumpled hair again. "I didn't-I didn't mean to bring up-"
I waved off his apology and flashed him a timid smile. "It's okay, Stef. I know how you feel. Look, we're all a little edgy and it's been one hell of a night. We'd be less tensed once we've heard something from Elijah." I noted the relief in Stefan's expression before his eyes strayed to his older brother.
Damon's attention, though, was still focused on me, unwavering ever since he heard Stefan's outburst. I saw the way his eyes swept over my face, and then his fingers moved to caress the sensitive skin around my eyes. "You must be exhausted, especially after the day we've had," he murmured, not even bothering to acknowledge his brother.
I nodded wearily and leaned my head on his shoulder, thinking of how the day started this morning, from our car ride to Richmond, to the meeting of the Unsilenced group, and then to our 'first date' with dinner and a movie, followed by the drama that had unfolded at the hospital on our way back.
I was beyond exhausted.
"Yeah, maybe we should all try to get some sleep and check in with Elijah in the morning," Ric spoke up, only now daring to chime in after a lengthy pause from the last time he spoke.
Apparently, everyone thought it was a good idea, so we all stood up simultaneously, all stretching from the lack of movement for the past few hours.
"Hey, why don't you guys just crash here tonight and we'll call Elijah in the morning? Ric, you and Mer can go commandeer a room for yourselves and Care can bunk in with-" he paused, flicking his gaze down at me, catching me yawning widely, but then he didn't get to finish his suggestion.
"I'll show her to her room," Stefan cut in hurriedly, already pulling the surprised blonde along with him. "Come on, Care Bear." With one last apologetic look at me, Stefan led my best friend upstairs, leaving the four of us alone, looking suspiciously after their disappearing backs.
Ric slithered over to stand beside Damon, his gaze still narrowing in the direction of the staircase. "What do you think? Boinking buddies or just secretly smooching?" he whispered dramatically, earning him a painful nudge from Damon's elbow.
"How about none-of-your-business, you nosy ninny," my boyfriend uttered, rolling his eyes for good measure.
Bidding both of them an abrupt good night and strict instructions to find themselves a room so that they didn't 'procreate all over the mansion', Damon half-carried me up the steps, his arms supporting me the whole way to my bedroom. He wasted no time in tucking me into bed as he did without fail every night before leaning down to give me a lingering kiss on my lips.
A split second later, we both felt the bed dip heavily on one side and then a heavy round head came to rest on my stomach. We looked down to find Pig in her usual spot, once again appointing herself to be on sentry duty once Damon leaves the room.
"I'm not actually out of the room yet. Can't you just turn around and give us some privacy?" he asked, aiming his question at the dog and then sighing in exasperation when the pug refused to budge but continued to flash her big round eyes at her owner as if she was wondering what he was still doing here.
I rubbed Pig behind her ears, causing her to close her eyes and let out a sound similar to a purr, while I tried to stifle my yawn before Damon could notice, but I wasn't stealthy enough.
"Chased out of my own guest room by both of my girls…where's the justice?" he shook his head, and then straightened up beside me, bending low to press his lips on my forehead while I tried to keep my eyes open.
"We can stay up and talk if you're not tired," I mumbled wearily, my fingers lifting to scrape against the roughness of his five o'clock shadow on his chin.
I hated this part of the night. A part of me wanted very much to pull him into bed with me, but there was yet another part that hesitated for some reason. Ever since we had become steady, he had been nothing but a gentleman, choosing to return to his own bedroom every night after bidding me goodnight. I suspected that he was afraid of how I'd react to our proximity, considering the way I had completely fallen apart while kissing him on my first night here in this very room. On this very bed.
"We can talk tomorrow. Sleep well, my dear," he whispered against my skin, and that was the last thing I heard as I began to drift off, not even noticing if he had left.
My eyes flew open and I sat up slowly, turning my head around the pitch black room. I rubbed my eyes with the backs of my hands and peered around again, my eyes now adjusting to the darkness so that I could see the familiar shapes of the room I had occupied since December.
Then I heard a whine followed by the sound of paws scratching at the timber door, and then I realized that that must have been what woke me up suddenly. I turned to look at the digital clock on the bedside table.
Four in the morning.
Pig whined again, prompting me to get up to see what the fuss was all about. I almost yelped in shock as soon as I pulled open the door, caught off guard at the sight of Damon in his sweat pants and white tank top, rocking back and forth on his toes as he clutched a pillow to his chest.
"Damon?"
The disheveled man spun around as soon he heard my voice, his harassed expression turning into an apologetic one. "I'm sorry, did I wake you?"
"No, I had to go to the bathroom," I lied, not wanting him to give it another thought. Besides, he looked like a lost little boy when he cuddled his pillow like that. "What's with the pacing? Couldn't sleep?"
"Didn't even try. Too busy holding myself back from heading downstairs for one of my bottled friends," he confided nervously as he resumed his insane rocking once more.
"Hey, hey, hey, c'mere," I reached out to pull one of his hands into the room with me, closing the door behind me before leading him to the bed. I pushed him down and took a seat right beside him, inching closer until I was able to envelope him with my arms, feeling his entire body tense for control.
I just sat there, holding him until I could feel him relaxing. "Everything will be okay, you know that, right?"
He exhaled a shaky breath, shaking his head slightly. "I don't know that, Elena. This isn't the first time I've lost one of my charges," he swallowed, gulping down his rising fear. "But this time, I'm terrified."
I could sense it, his feeling of helplessness. He'd barely said anything since we came back from the hospital, after he had found me standing frozen in Anna's room, staring at her discarded shoe. He had enveloped me into a hug wordlessly, and we both held each other for a long time, just soaking in the reality that a seven-year old girl we both loved was gone. Taken away.
If Elijah hadn't chased us away from the crime scene, we would still have been standing in that room, trying not to fall to pieces. I knew how much little Anna had meant to Damon, but I was completely blown away to find how much I had come to love her in such a short time, too. I connected to her in a way that I had never connected to another child before, and I wanted to see her recover from all her scars - emotional and physical ones - and grow up to become a strong young lady.
I refused to give up hope that I would see her doing exactly that.
"Remember when you didn't think she'd speak again?" I asked desperately as I leaned in so that his forehead was now pressed against mine. "And she did. She laughed out loud and then she held our hands together and told us that we were a happy family, remember?"
I waited until I felt Damon's nod, his lips curving into a smile at the memory. "Yeah."
"So, we're a family, right? And families don't give up on each other, do they? No, we don't," I answered for him, my palms now cupping his cheeks. "We'll go and see Elijah tomorrow and offer our help to look for her. We'll go knocking on every single door in Mystic Falls and try to find her. If that fails, then we'll go to the next town and the one after that until she's back safely. I promise you, Damon. We'll find her and she will be so happy to see us but then she'll scold us for taking so long. Okay?"
"We'll find her," he repeated, his voice now resolved and determined. "She'll be okay."
Our foreheads rubbed together when I moved my head up and down eagerly, glad that I managed to provide some form of reassurance to him, even if it only lasted for the rest of the night. "How are you doing? Still want to go raid your alcohol cabinet?" I asked after a spell of silence.
"Nope. You're exactly what I needed to clear my head enough to calm down. As long as you're here with me, I'll be fine."
And just like that, a decision had been made for me. Here he was, trusting me and showing himself at his most vulnerable, and I realized that I needed to trust him with all my insecurities, too.
"Sorry that I'm so incredibly needy right now," he went on, sounding angry at himself.
I drew back, pulling the covers away so that I could slide under them. In the dimness of the room, I could see his silhouette moving off the bed, intending to move towards the door until I reached out my hand to grasp his. "No, don't leave. Stay with me tonight," I pleaded, moving to put enough space on his side for him.
"What?" he queried, sounding unsure even as his body automatically obeyed as he sat back down next to me. "You want me to get into bed with you? Now?"
"Yeah, we can lie down and just talk or, you know, do that thing people normally do on a bed, like sleep with our eyes closed?" I quipped, tugging his hand harder to show that I meant it and that I was comfortable with the idea.
His uncertainty was still evident but he wasn't one to turn down my request, so he slid in closer to me until we were about six inches apart, both of us lying on our sides, facing each other with our heads propped up on the pillows. Two seconds later, Pig appeared on top of the covers again, settling herself in between us as if she was our appointed chaperone, sent to keep an eye on us.
"Not sure why, but she really makes me feel guilty for even being in the same room with you, let alone on the same bed and under the covers. I almost feel like I should be writing lines a few hundred times on a chalkboard as punishment."
Chuckling softly, I tucked one of my hands under my head as I stared at him, his eyes shimmering like deep pools of blue. My previous weariness forgotten, I searched for his hand on top of the covers and laced my fingers with his. "This feels really nice."
"It does," he agreed. I could practically feel his smile radiating from his body as we immersed ourselves into this moment of togetherness while the rest of the world melted away. "Stefan wasn't wrong, you know?" he commented out of the blue after a few minutes.
Momentarily confused, I had to ask. "About the death penalty?"
"No, about me killing Mason with my bare hands," he corrected as my eyes widened. "If he took you from me and harmed you, I'd hunt him down and look right into his eyes as I choke the life out of him. And I'd do it with a smile, too, because the world would have one less criminal to worry about."
Dismay rose swiftly in my heart at his words. How could he even consider doing that? "What about all that talk we had in the car about you not wanting to go to a prison where the inmates want to kill you? What about losing your freedom if you're a convicted murderer?"
"If you had died, then I would have nothing left to lose," he admitted unevenly. "I don't think I'd be able to think clearly then. I would go too insane with grief to care about the repercussions. Hey, maybe I could plead temporary insanity and get off light," he said in a lame attempt at a joke, but I was far from being amused.
"Don't say that!" I burst out angrily, startling a snoring Pig and also her owner. "Don't even think that! My God, Damon, you can't be serious about this. You still have your brother and Pig and-and-and your friends and all those other victims you're supposed to help! You can't just throw your whole life away just because I got killed! If you do, I swear I'll come back as a ghost and kick your ass and steal your car and drive it off a cliff!"
With that, I promptly burst into tears of frustration. Just the notion of Damon losing everything he'd worked for to keep his only remaining family member together and all the work he'd done to help so many others – it was all just too ludicrous. He was being stupid, and I just couldn't stand the image of him being behind bars, miserable for the rest of his life.
"Oh shit!" he swore before he hastily wrapped me in his arms, cradling my head into his chest as I dissolved into a sobbing mess from the accumulation of the day's stress.
I wept for the foolish moron whose whispered apologies were echoing in my ear, for the lost little girl who must have been terrified beyond anything, and for all those victims who had the courage to share their stories in Richmond.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Shit, I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm just being overly emotional tonight, and damn needy and saying stupid things but I swear I used to have a brain somewhere. Tell you what; if I do in fact kill him, I'll make it seem like suicide or at least try to frame Ric, how about that?" he suggested while pressing comforting little pecks over the back of my head.
I giggled despite my consternation, still feeling miffed at him. "You suck," I mumbled into his chest, rubbing my wet face on his tank top, soaking the white material.
"Ric would agree with you, and as usual, you make a very compelling argument. I do suck, and I'll show you how I do it best."
Without any further warning, his hands grasped me by the sides of my head until his lips found mine, and then all my worries just didn't seem that important anymore. Nothing else existed except for him and his hands, his thumbs that brushed the remaining wetness off my cheeks, followed by his fingers that tangled in my hair.
True to his words, his lips opened and aligned with mine so that they could massage my lower lip, pulling at it with his teeth and wetting it with his tongue before proceeding to suck the entire thing into his mouth. With a loud moan, I slid closer to his side, reaching over with one hand to caress the back of his neck, pressing down firmly to keep his head in place.
Since meeting Damon, my life had been nothing but an emotional roller-coaster ride, no thanks to the drama in my life known as Mason. And despite that, I had somehow emerged as a stronger and wiser person because of this man I was kissing so passionately. I could feel the thick layers of walls that I had helped to erect around myself slowly disappear one brick at a time.
Emotionally, I had done my best to open my heart and laid myself bare except for the most crucial part that had me retreating in fear every time I tried to talk about it; the rape. Spiritually, I had never shared a more intense bond with anyone else, not even my parents. Somehow, with Damon, I could be myself from day one, never needing to pretend or hide because he seemed to understand me better than even I understood myself. All that's left to give him at this point is the physical connection, something I had been so terrified about.
And so, it was right then that I decided to try. I wanted to comfort him, to distract him from the woes of the day, but also, I wanted him. All of him, like I wanted to give him all of me.
It didn't hurt that he made me so damn horny.
At the risk of making the protective pug affronted, I pushed her over to my side of the bed so that I could roll on top of Damon like how I did during our training sessions, my knees on either side of his hips as I straddled him. Leaning low, I kissed him again and again, making him breathless as we both fought for control as our tongue waged wars on the other's.
I drew a low groan from him as I rocked my hips, pressing against him intimately while I rained kisses down his chin, making my way down the side of his neck, nipping at the sensitive skin with my teeth. His hands that had been caressing my back now moved down to grip my sides, his fingers splayed wide to squeeze the fleshy part of my lower waist, my bare skin heating up where his thumbs touched between the gap of my loose top and my skimpy shorts.
Things were heating up in a hurry, especially with my one-track mind and Damon's inability to deny me anything. I used that knowledge to my advantage, holding nothing back as I pulled his flesh between my teeth and sucked hard, earning me a yelp from him before he sat up abruptly, holding me upright.
Raising my head when I felt one of his hands tilting my chin up from my assault on his neck, we stared at each other, panting deeply. Our breaths mingled as I took in his mussed hair, the way his eyes had darkened with desire, the slight parting of his lips. "W-what are we doing?" he breathed out huskily, proving how affected he was by our heavy make out session.
"I'm loving you, Damon," I answered simply with no intention of backing down. "Now love me back."
Wasting no time at all, I dug my fingers into his thick hair and pulled his face to mine, attacking him with another bruising lip-lock, tasting him, driving any thought of stopping out of his mind. He retaliated by crushing me to him, his arms wrapped so tightly around my back that I had no idea where I ended or where he began. We were meshed up together so wonderfully, so perfectly that we were simply just 'one'; Delena, as Care had once referred to us.
I released his mouth so that I could push his tank top up and then over his head, latching on quickly to his exposed chest with my lips before he could utter an objection. I ducked my head even lower to circle my tongue around the outline of his areola, moistening the area and then blowing gently on the puckered up surface. He gave a sort of chuckle mixed in with a snort at my actions, and then groaned loudly when I closed my lips over his nipple, sucking hard before I flicked my tongue back and forth on the tip to ease the pain.
At this point, I was grinding against his arousal, separated only by our pants. His hands lowered to grab at my buttocks, his fingernails digging in through my shorts as he tried to keep me still while I concentrated on his other nipple. Reaching behind me, I moved his right hand and placed it on my left breast, feeling the ache there that begged for some attention.
We had far surpassed any boundary we had wordlessly set for ourselves so far, effectively making this a foreign territory for both of us. It didn't matter, because I was letting my instincts guide me right now. Apparently, so did he because after feeling the fullness with his palm, his fingers slipped into the vee neckline and pulled the material down to one side, exposing an entire shoulder and the heaving flesh underneath.
I wasn't sure if the tortured moan came from him or me, but as soon as his fingers found my bared breast, I was a goner. My head was thrust backwards, pushing my chest forward to prolong the sensation, his hand cupping me, feeling the weight in his palm before his thumb flicked against the pebbled tip. His lips came to rest on the arch of my neck as he continued his assault on my senses, his wet tongue moving agonizingly slowly down my sensitive skin, leaving a trail of goosebumps wherever it went.
Soon, his lips closed over one tight peak, and what happened next was as unexpected as it was disappointing. The memory of Mason biting painfully into my nipple decided to surface at that moment, causing my heart to thud with fear and disgust rather than desire as it had just seconds ago.
It was like a slap to my face. The foreplay, the built-up, the connection – all destroyed with just one jarring memory.
Damon's tongue swiped across my nipple at that moment, and it sent a sharp pang of longing to the pits of my stomach. I pushed him back down onto the pillows roughly, successfully dislodging his mouth from that sensitive part of my body, breathing heavily from my attempt not to cry out with frustration.
I refused to let Mason ruin my relationship with Damon. He had damaged my body in every way possible, and trampled on my confidence and trust. I couldn't - wouldn't – allow him to wreck the only good thing I've got going in my life. I must not let him come between me and Damon.
I gathered the rest of my control to finish what I had started. Damon's needs came first. With everything that went on in my head, my dark-haired lover had no clue of my inner turmoil. He remained oblivious, safe in his own little world of desire, love, lust. I wanted to crawl into that world with him.
I leaned back down to press a chaste kiss on his lips, a startling contrast to the ardor we had just shared. It was my silent apology for not being able to see this through to a happy ending for both of us, but I made a vow that I would at least attempt to fulfill his. Pushing through all the negative thoughts in my head aside, I lifted my hips away from his, giving me room to maneuver for what I had in mind. I kissed my way down his chest in a straight line, nibbling on his perfect skin as I went, discovering the angles of his muscular physique.
I scoot lower, dipping my tongue into his navel as I gazed up at him, watching his eyes closed in pleasure. With a quick movement of my shoulder, my tank top snapped back into its original position, covering my chest once again. I snuck my hand down past the elastic band of his sweat pants, and soon my fingers were circled around a fully erect muscle. He released a ragged breath, his hips arching off the mattress as I touched him intimately for the first time.
I heard a strangled cry from the man beneath me and suddenly, I was flipped into a horizontal position, with my back against the bed and him, hovering above me.
"What the hell do you think you're doing? Besides driving me crazy, that is," he growled in a low voice, sounding as if his control was about to snap at any moment.
I looked up at his taut expression with confusion, thinking that he might be pleased rather than…growly. "I'm loving you," I repeated from before, as if it should be obvious.
"Yeah, I get that, but what are you doing…down there?"
We both simultaneously looked down at his exposed crotch, and he swore quietly before hastily straightening to pull up his pants, covering his hard member from my eyes. "Dammit, we shouldn't have-I shouldn't–we can't just go to the bonus level without first going past the other smaller levels first! We haven't even had our third date yet and we've gone from first base straight past to the third base. I mean, there are rules, Elena!"
Despite my inner struggles with an unfortunate memory that decided to pop up and ruin my life, I wanted to burst out laughing at the completely distressed look on Damon's face. One would think that he was a virgin who just had his cherry popped by the horny football captain.
Major eww at the mental image.
"I-I didn't think about rules or levels, Damon. It's just that I haven't been intimate with anyone else other than…well, you know, but I wanted to try because I didn't want to be afraid anymore. I just went with how I felt and I wanted to pleasure you, okay? I'm sorry if it's against the 'rules'," I answered, rolling my eyes as I did the air-quote actions with my fingers. "You seemed like you were enjoying yourself."
His expression softened as he let out a deep breath, plopping down to lie beside me as if he was drained of energy. "I was enjoying myself– in an Oh-my-Goh-I've-died-and-gone-to-heaven way – but this relationship, you, mean a lot to me and I want to do this the right way. I should have stopped the moment I lost my shirt, but as usual, you, Elena Gilbert, managed to make me lose my mind whenever you're around me," he reprimanded with a sideways glare, his palm rubbing his face roughly as he gave himself a mental headshake.
"Fine. Sorry you lost your mind," I shrugged, pouting because my plans to make him happy had backfired.
Instantly, he threw an arm across my waist and cuddled me close, mumbling something about whiny babies and overactive libidos. "You have the power to drive me insane with only a smile, Miss Gilbert, so imagine what you can do with your lips and hands on me," he said softly, nuzzling his nose into my hair around my ears.
"I wanted to take this slowly because you deserve to be romanced, okay? I want to be with you not because of lust or anything physical, and I need you to know that. Your first relationship was basically with an asshole who didn't appreciate what he had with you, and because of what happened to your parents, you had to move in with him out of necessity. You were sort of forced into this serious relationship with him before you were ready to take the next step," he explained wisely.
His insight rendered me speechless as I was astounded by the truth of it. He was right, of course he was. He is always right, as annoying as hell that is.
"I get it, you know? You were so young and you had no choice but to rely on him," he went on when I didn't disagree. "And yet, here you are now, and don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled to have you living here with me, where I get to see you every day and make sure you're safe. But you're here because of circumstances, too. I guess I just don't want us to take the next step before either one of us is ready, even if we're in love and spending all this time together. I don't want our love to be influenced by anything except for how we feel, not because of this unique situation that brought us together. So, I'm thinking that we don't start removing our clothes until we're both well and truly ready, however long it takes."
I couldn't resist the quip that rose to the tip of my tongue. "So you're saying that not only can we not have sex, we have to refrain from showering and changing altogether? That'll actually work because I wouldn't want to go near you if you stink that much."
He released a part-groan-part-laugh combination before hugging me even closer to his chest. "I knew it! I knew you couldn't resist from saying that, you cheeky monkey! You know exactly what I mean, right?" he asked with a grin, quirking an eyebrow at me.
"What if it takes a year, maybe two before we're ready? What do you think will happen to our relationship then?" I challenged back, imitating his expression.
"Then I'll just develop a case of severe 'erectusitis', especially with you around, tempting me with your sneaky attacks, but other than that, I think that we could build a really strong foundation based on friendship and trust first before we do the other stuff," he answered with an openness that was just classic Damon. Also, I was pretty sure he just made that word up.
For the sake of argument, I needed to do some clarification. "Wait, so when you say 'other stuff', you'll have to be more specific."
I supposed it didn't occur to either of us to think it funny to be having a serious conversation about this particular subject in the middle of the night - or morning, depending on how one would see it - but here we were, in bed and cuddling, talking about the dos and don'ts of sexual foreplay.
You can't make this stuff up, even if you wanted to.
"Yes, umm, right," he stammered as he cleared his throat, frowning slightly. "I think we should just go with what you're comfortable with. So, you tell me."
And so he left the ball in my court, which was a pretty big deal because I had never held any balls before, not with Mason.
No, that didn't exactly come out right! Oh well.
"I love kissing you," I told him with a grin. "I could kiss you forever."
"Me too," he agreed, returning my grin. "So, endless kissing. Check!"
I pursed my lips, looking at him thoughtfully. "I'm okay with you nibbling on my neck. And ears!" I declared enthusiastically, already feeling a tingle running up and down my spine at the thought of it. "Okay, I-I think that's it…for now."
"Neck and ear nibbling, check!" he chuckled. "Just so you know, this is one healthy conversation, Elena."
I nodded my head in agreement, and then asked one final question. "How do we know when either of us is ready? How do we tell each other?"
He was quiet for some time, no doubt racking his brain for an answer. "Maybe we'll just know with that look in our eyes. We can just talk about it first and see how we feel, I guess," he finally said with a shrug, and neither of us said anything more.
I was glad that I didn't tell him about my internal freak-out earlier, especially when he was so adamant about us being ready to take the next step. It made sense, though, to wait.
My eyes started drifting close as I laid my head on his chest, listening to his heart beating under my ear. It was a comforting sound because it didn't make me feel as alone, especially during this particular night. I thought we had made great strides just from our talk tonight alone. And if it was possible, I actually thought that he was even more lovable now, after he turned down oral sex in favor of taking it slow because I mean that much to him.
The guy certainly knew how to make a girl feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.
"Or maybe we could get one of those bat signals on the roof to announce it. That would actually be super cool!" he suddenly exclaimed with childlike excitement.
Correction. The guy never knew when to shut up while he's ahead.
Damon's POV
I watched in fascination as her lids fluttered, and then opened to reveal her warm brown irises. I've always loved gazing deeply into her eyes, getting lost in their muddy depths. And now she was starting to become fully awake, her attention focused on me with a stunned look before her lips curved into a smile.
Well, at least she didn't lurch up in a panic and scream bloody murder before running away. Or worse; practice her self-defense moves on me.
Then, to my dismay, she did lurch up in a panic but instead of screaming, she just uttered one word instead. "Anna!"
She scrambled to get the covers off but I pulled her back to my side in an instant, wrapping an arm around her waist to keep her in place. "Wait, it's still early and Elijah hasn't called yet," I told her, watching her face fall at the news. "I'll call him in a few minutes, but let me just look at you for a moment."
My eyes roved lovingly over her face, taking note of her cheeks flushing at my bold perusal, the slight parting of her red and swollen lips – the product of our frantic kisses merely a couple of hours ago.
It was a little after seven in the morning on a Sunday. It should have been one of those glorious days where we'd spend the day just hanging out in the kitchen or frolicking in the garden out back, planning our next road trip, but our lives were not exactly conventional. It came with the territory of doing what I do.
And so, before the day became another one of those highly stressed ones, I decided to be selfish and spend a few minutes reveling in all things Elena.
My girlfriend. My horny-and-kind-of-sexually-forward girlfriend.
"Why are you turning red all of a sudden?" she wondered as she placed her palms on both of my heated cheeks, no thanks to my vivid mind that replayed everything we did in this very bed. "You might be coming down with something. Did you sleep at all?"
She pressed the back of her hand on my forehead, looking perplexed as she tried to figure out if I was running a fever, but the only fever I had was for the maddeningly gorgeous woman I was with.
"No, I was afraid of closing my eyes only to wake up to find you gone, that you're just a figment of my imagination," I whispered with a genuine amount of vulnerability. I had a healthy fear of losing her especially after what happened to Anna. It was bad enough before, but now, my insecurities were skyrocketing into hellish proportions.
"Well, I'm here, messy hair, bad breath and all," she said, clamping a palm over her mouth before she leaped up and disappeared into the bathroom, presumably to get her mouth rinsed and hair combed.
Well, that was a rather abrupt end to our lazy Sunday morning in bed. Sighing in resignation, I searched around for my phone and dialed my other best friend's number. Moments later, I heard his frazzled greeting, sounding as if he'd barely slept at all since we left him to do his job at the hospital.
"Any news?" I asked, not entirely sure if I was hoping for a yes or no answer. It would be great if it was a yes at finding Anna alive and unharmed, but then again a no would be preferable than to know that she was found dead somewhere. I shuddered at the thought.
"We have some leads, but nothing concrete. We've spread the search area to include several towns over and the media is helping to make sure that her face is shown on every channel on TV. All we can do now is hope for the best," he responded with an exhausted sigh.
I nodded my agreement even though he couldn't see it over the phone. "Do you need some help? I can go down to the hospital and organize a search party or something. I can't just sit still."
"I know," he replied. "Listen, her mother's arriving in about an hour, and if you'd like, you can keep her company in Anna's room while she's here."
"Yeah, I'll be there. Keep me posted, Elijah," I told him before disconnecting the line, feeling nervous for some reason.
Pearl was coming and I had no idea how to handle her reaction to the news of her missing daughter. I remembered how heartbroken she was when the judge ruled against giving her custody of Anna, and now with this happening…
"Hey, were you just talking to someone?" Elena asked, making her way over looking much more awake now. I kinda liked the way she looked before, though. Much more sexy.
Chucking my phone to the side, I nodded. "Yup, that was Elijah. No, there's no news yet," I added quickly, knowing that was her next question when she brightened up at the mention of the detective. "Remember when I told you about Anna's mother, Pearl? Well, she'll be at the hospital in an hour and Elijah has given me the task to keep her company. That means that I have to shower and get ready to leave soon."
I stood up from the bed, intending to look for my discarded tank top that Elena had peeled off of me in the heat of passion, only to see a snoring Pig curled up on top of it. Great, exactly what I needed; more dog hair.
"Damon?" Elena said as she came sidling up to me, throwing her arms around my neck as she peered up at me with her amazingly large peepers, sending me a pleading look that could rival Puss-in-Boot's. No, Elena's version would put Puss' to shame. She didn't need to ask for me to know exactly what she was thinking.
"Of course you can come along, babe," I guessed accurately, basking in her glowing smile as she pressed a thank-you-kiss on my cheek. "I wouldn't dream of leaving you behind. Pick you up in half an hour?"
With an enthusiastic "Okay," she was back in the bathroom, leaving me to make my way back to my own room. As soon as I stepped out of the door, another one closed softly on the other end of the hallway, and I watched, amused to see a blonde trying to tip-toe her way silently and perhaps, unnoticed down my way.
Oh my God, my match-making skills actually worked?!
We both stopped short when we saw each other in various states of undress; me in only my sweat pants, and her clad only in what I could have sworn was one of baby bro's oversized football jersey from the old days. We both covered ourselves at the same time, with me crossing my arms in front of my chest and placing my palms over my nipples while she pulled the jersey's hemline to make sure that her bare thighs were covered.
"Good morning, Care," I greeted with a knowing smile on my face. She paled at the sight of my upturned lips, sliding her eyes nervously back at the door she just came out of, the door that led to my brother's room.
"Umm, morning. I was just…umm…" she hesitated, looking like a ripe tomato, the way her cheeks flushed.
"Doing the walk of shame, are we?" I teased, leaning back against Elena's door frame.
Her head lifted defiantly at my words, her blue-green eyes blazing back at me in a challenge. "You're one to talk! That's Elena's room you just left, you-you half-naked man! What, so are you guys sexing it up already? Since when? Was it hot? I'll bet it was sizzling!"
My smirk widened at her defensive but yet half-curious tone, the excitement at the development of our relationship bursting out of her in spades. "Nah, we just cuddled all night long. Nothing happened, I promise," I assured her, stretching the truth a little but what she didn't know wouldn't kill her.
"Oh," she said, seemingly crestfallen. "Did you at least make out a lot?" she asked hopefully.
"Yeah, I'm afraid so," I admitted almost guiltily and then raised an eyebrow at her. "But I'm guessing you and baby Salvatore did a whole lot more than just making out, huh? Did you pop that boy's cherry?" I asked as a joke, always appreciating ways to poke fun at Stefan.
Caroline's jaw dropped as she stared at me with a flabbergasted expression. "Oh my God, how did you know that? Isn't that just precious?"
Really? Precious Stefan was a virgin? Daaaaaamn!
I just stood there, frozen in place as I blinked at her in complete shock.
"Wait, you didn't know, did you?" she said when realization hit. "Oh my God, I tattled on Stef! Damon, you can't tell him that I told you, alright? I swear he's come a long way since then! I mean he does this really weird thing because of the shape and arch of his-" she started prattling on in hushed tones, moving closer to me, her hands clasped in a pleading motion.
"Du-ude! I do not do girl talk!" I burst out hastily before I could find out the end of her sentence. "You know what? I gotta head out to meet Elijah, so congratulations on all the sex you've been having with my little bro."
With that, I turned around and quickly walked in the opposite direction. It was such a shame I had quit drinking.
"Yeah, okay, same to you! Good chat!" she called out behind me.
Perhaps it was time Elena and I got our own place to live.
Elena's POV (because Damon's still traumatized by his run-in with Blondie)
Two hours ago, Damon had tossed me the keys to his Camaro, instructing me to get into the driver's seat before heading to the hospital. Despite my initial objections, he was adamant that I drove due to his lack of sleep. The moment we arrived at the hospital, he headed straight for Anna's room with me tailing behind him, noting that Anna's mother, Pearl was already inside and in deep conversation with Elijah. The moment she spotted Damon, however, her face immediately scrunched up, breaking into sobs as he ran over to comfort her.
Watching Damon hugging another woman, with him whispering comforting words into her ear and the way his hands rubbed her back gently was a little uncomfortable for me, but I reminded myself that he was Damon; Mr. Nice Guy and helpful to a fault. He was also obviously close to little Anna, so of course it made sense for Pearl to trust him implicitly.
After a brief introduction where he referred to me as his girlfriend – earning him an eye roll from me - I hung back in the background, watching Damon being in his element and kicking ass at his job. He had such a natural and nurturing way about him that made me feel in awe of him and basically every social worker out there who just doesn't quit. It's a tough job, doing what he does, and yet he still finds the strength to keep at it, never backing down no matter how hard it might get.
Social workers like Damon deserve medals for the work that they do.
I was just sitting down on the couch in a corner by the windows - the very same one where I first learnt the story of Anna's past – toying with the instrument that I gave to her as a belated Christmas present, thinking about how happy she seemed that day. My fingers were running softly along the ivory keyboard when Damon led Pearl over to take a seat beside me.
"Sorry for leaving you alone for so long, babe. Police business and all," he said by way of explanation, leaning down to press his lips on my cheek, making me feel self-conscious in front of the anxious mother. "Hey, would you mind keeping Pearl company while I have a chat with Elijah?"
I shook my head and smiled shyly at the woman in question while he thanked me and left us alone for a while. "So how are you holding up, Pearl? This must be so hard for you."
"Oh God, that-that's such an understatement," she said shakily, drawing in a deep breath. "I really thought that the nightmare was over when my ex-husband went to prison. I mean, never in a million years did I ever imagine that he could come back and take my little girl away."
I saw the shimmer of tears in her eyes again, so I inched closer to her and gave her a consoling pat on her arm. "I don't think any of us saw that coming. When we found out that she was missing last night, Damon was beside himself with worry. You must know that he loves your daughter very much."
"I do know, and I'm so grateful for all he's done for our family. Damon tells me that you've been spending a lot of time with Anna, too. In fact, you were the one who heard her speaking again, weren't you?" she asked, her eyes wide with wonder.
She was gazing at me like I was some kind of miracle worker or something, the way her face had brightened up at the idea of her daughter talking again.
"Yes, I was here when she chose to speak for the first time last year, but it was the most recent visit with Damon that she said a lot more. I bought her a gift, this one," I informed her, gesturing to the toy I've been holding since I sat down on the couch. "She was so excited to play with it, and she'd giggled out loud before she proudly showed it to Damon. Then, she'd reached out with her tiny hands and joined both Damon's and mine together, saying how he and I made a happy family. This was before we started dating, mind you. It's like she knew even before we did."
I gave a watery smile at the memory, seeing the tears welling up and spilling over the older woman's eyes as I fought to hold my own tears in check. Soon, we were both dabbing at our eyes sheepishly, sniffing loudly.
"I'm glad she forged such a close connection to you and Damon, but you in particular," Pearl said. "For some reason, she opened up to you in a way that she never did with any of us, not even Damon whom she is crazy about. I think that she could sense something in you that made her want to talk. I wonder what it was."
She turned in her seat to scrutinize my features, her eyes wandering over me as if looking for some hints. That's when I decided to share a little of myself, if only to distract her from her current worries.
"Maybe she could recognize another victim of abuse," I answered vaguely, letting her come to her own conclusions.
She released a gasp and then leaned in to whisper, "Oh dear! I'm so sorry to hear that. Who was it?"
"My ex-boyfriend of two years. It's fairly recent, too, the last incident being last December," I divulged, swallowing thickly. Honestly, I didn't expect to open up to a complete stranger but I found it oddly comforting when I knew that Pearl could instantly understand without the need for details.
"December!" she exclaimed in shock. "How bad was it?"
Bad enough to cause me to shut down in the middle of an intimate moment with Damon. "It was very bad, so bad that I wonder if I'll ever get over it. Bad enough to want to run far away and never look back," I admitted out loud, surprising even myself since I never even realized my need to take flight, to leave this place I called home.
"Distance doesn't help at all," she replied quietly with a faraway expression on her face. "You may move to another state and build a new life for yourself, but there won't be a day that goes by that you don't remember what he did to you. And you'll suffer in silence because you don't want the poison in your old life to taint your new one. But it does. It never ends and it creeps up on you. And then all the mistakes you made in the past comes back to bite you one day by hurting the people that you love."
Like Anna. Or Damon.
My heart squeezed painfully at the thought of Damon being hurt because of me. What if I never recover from this? What if, by doing nothing about Mason, I would just end up pushing Damon away because of my emotional scars?
"So, I will always live my life this way? As a victim?" I inquired, horrified at my own bleak thoughts.
"You don't just stop being a victim just because he stopped hitting you. It only stops when you speak out. I waited too long before I finally did the right thing and put the bastard in jail. It was too little, too late. He'd already set his sights on Anna and now, I don't know if I'll ever get her back," she broke down at the end, reminding me of what we're there for.
Her daughter was missing and I was so wrapped up in my own problems that I failed to comfort her when she needed it. But then again, what could I possibly do or say to make it better? It was a tough situation to be in, unable to fix the past and having no control over the future.
"Listen, you said yourself that I have this connection with Anna, right? Well, my gut tells me that she's okay, and that we'll see her again. When you do, you can then wrap your arms around her and tell her that you love her and that you're taking her home, regardless of what that idiot judge said," I said confidently, believing every single word that left my mouth as truth.
With a sob, Pearl enveloped me into a hug. Here was a woman who understood what I was trying to say; there's still hope.
"Thank you for saying that," she breathed into my ear before releasing me. "It's just…life is so unfair sometimes! It's not Anna's fault that she was born with a father like Alan. It still haunts me every day, you know, walking away from my little girl and not standing up to Alan before she got mixed up in the mess I had made. I let some judge, who didn't know a thing about me, my ex-husband or my daughter, decide how to live my life. No judge should be allowed to tear a mother away from her own daughter. And look where it brought her! How is this a better life for her?!"
We both turned to view the hospital room in unison, seeing just an empty room that was no longer brightened by the presence of the child who spent almost a year in it. Her absence was like a shock to my system, because this was real life. As optimistic as I tried to be in my impassioned speech to Pearl, there was also a very real possibility that we would never see Anna again.
Because as Pearl had put it, life was unfair.
"Ms. Johnson?" a voice intruded from the doorway, garnering our attention. It was one of Elijah's guys. "Detective Mikaelson and Mr. Salvatore are hoping that you can join them in the visitor's room."
"Oh, o-of course," Pearl told him, flashing him a sheepish look while dabbing at her teary eyes, sniffing loudly. "I'll be right behind you, officer."
The officer hesitated at the doorway, his eyes now sliding over to mine. "Umm, Ms. Gilbert? Mr. Salvatore said to tell you to… err... 'stay put and not move a muscle' until he returns for you." As soon as he had delivered that message which must have been verbatim from my overprotective man, he nodded at us and left.
Resisting the urge to roll my eyes at the message, I reached over to hug Pearl one last time before she left, offering my silent support for what she had to go through until this nightmare is over. When she drew back, her expression was one of determination.
"When you're sitting in the courtroom, giving your testimony in front of your abuser, you are basically taking back your power," she explained patiently, imparting her words of wisdom on me. "You are letting him know that you're waging war, and you are no longer afraid. You are calling the shots now, not him. And the moment you look directly into his eyes when the jury reads out a guilty verdict, then and only then will you start to heal. It's going to be tough and it's going to be a long process, but it's a start."
I nodded gratefully, gripping her hands tightly before she walked out of the room to rejoin the guys. I slumped back on the backrest, letting her advice swirl around in my head. The truth was I had been counting on Damon and the rest of them to fight my battles for me. I thought it was the smart thing to do for me at the time, because of all the negative repercussions that came with being a rape victim in the public's eyes.
But by not giving my statement, would I be to blame for the life of another innocent who could suffer the same fate as I did with Mason? What if he lost control again and raped someone, or worse, killed them? Would I be responsible for that, too? What if there's more than just one?
I had to suppress a shudder at the thought. Steeling my resolve, I made my way through the maze in the hospital, catching sight of Damon, Elijah and Pearl all engrossed in their discussion with their backs to me in one of the rooms.
I hurried forward, letting my legs guide me as I fished the keys to Damon's Camaro in my jeans pocket. I knew that Damon would probably have a fit if he knew what I was planning to do, where I was going. He would have wanted to come with me, but this wasn't his battle. I had to go face my demons and I'd better do it before I lost my courage. I kept repeating Pearl's advice in my head, almost like a mantra as I unlocked the car and started the engine.
All I could do was to pray and hope that I would not lose my determination to see this through by the time I reached my destination.
As the car approached the familiar building, I slowed to a stop even as my heart began thundering. I kept second-guessing myself the entire way here, but I knew that with Pearl's words still fresh on my mind, this was the only time I would have the courage to go through with this.
I stared at the entrance for a full five minutes, going over what I wanted to say in my head. When I woke up this morning, I had no idea that I would find myself here, in this very spot, making a decision that could impact the rest of my future.
Drawing a deep breath, I cut the ignition, and slowly pushed the door open before stepping out on unsteady feet. I timed my breaths to every footstep that I took, focusing on getting to the entrance without letting my fear crumble down on me with its weight.
I stood at the bottom step of the building for a long time, allowing a million different thoughts rotate in my head until a prominent voice that sounded suspiciously like Damon's whispered "Be strong, Elena."
I obeyed my inner Damon because even in imaginary form, he seemed to be what I listened to above all others.
I took the steps one at a time, and continued on straight until I was standing in front of a man I didn't recognize.
"I-I need to make a report," I began hesitatingly, almost retreating the moment his eyes peered into mine. "A-against Mason Lockwood," I added, feeling my heart constricting painfully.
The man's ears perked up at the sound of that name. "Lockwood, huh? And what is the charge, miss?" he asked kindly.
I had to lick my lips before I could answer with the words I had dreaded to say for a while now. At this point I was amazed that I could even stand at all, what with not being able to breathe. "Mason Lockwood r-raped and abused me. And I want – no, I need him to pay for what he did to me."
Phew.
My twitter: cgsa_cher
KRISTI (tukct81), hope you enjoyed the virtual donuts I sent you as thank you for being my beta. Okay, so it was masqueraded as a way to torture you and get you drooling, but I think you can appreciate my gesture as nothing but one of good intentions. :D
BAD NEWS: You guys know that Anna's story is based on a real life story, right? Well I'm not sure if I'm just that good a psychic or that somehow this story is coming true, but I actually met the real ALAN ASSHOLE at a grocery store on Monday. I thought he was still in custody, but apparently, he's a free man now. I felt disgusted, seeing him again, and I immediately turned away before he could talk to me. I don't know what's the update for his son (victim) and mother, but I hope that they're okay. ICK. How many showers have I taken since then? TOO MANY TO KEEP TRACK OF.
YES, THERE ARE REAL MONSTERS IN THE WORLD. Live your life with your eyes wide open.
Read and R-E-V-I-E-W please, if you've felt anything for this story or the characters. Thank you!