CHAPTER TWENTY

We carried our rented skates over to the benches.

The ice rink was located outdoors in one of two parks in town, where trees made the circumference of the area and if I leaned against the railings, I could get a peek at the sizable basketball court beyond the bushes.

For Forks, fall had been unusually warm. Now, it was as if winter was compensating for that; tonight, the temperature definitely plunged.

Edward helped me on with the skates and lacing the strings after doing his; the two of us were strangely quiet, a stark contrast to the shrieks of laughter and chatter surrounding us.

I held his hands in a death grip as he led me to the ice.

"I'm telling you right now," I warned him. "I broke my arm rollerblading when I was ten."

Smirking, he quirked one eyebrow.

I drew in a deep breath as I stepped on the ice – and that was when a kid skated right by, narrowly missing me.

Edward's hand flew up to the small of my back.

"That was close," I breathed.

His hand continued to rub against me, and he playfully encouraged me with his eyes.

I almost slipped the moment my blades hit the slimy ice.

He snickered. "Is this your first time skating?"

Embarrassed, I looked up. "Second. I'm a summer girl overall. I'm from Arizona, remember?"

"Still. No indoor ice rinks?"

"I never bothered."

"Why not?"

"I don't know." I blinked. "I never liked the cold and wet."

His voice quieted down. "What made you so sure?"

"Mom and I used to travel," I mused, my body stiffening as I felt myself lose balance again. I was relieved when nothing happened. "And I never really liked the colder regions of the country."

"Have you been out of the country? Like the Eiffel Tower." He tugged on my arms as he skated backward. "Ever been there?"

"Huh?" My eyes flickered up to him for a second before glancing down at my feet again. "You mean that as in Paris?"

"Yeah."

I laughed through my nose. "I wish."

"I've been there once, on a private tour," Edward said, eyes looking into the memories inside him.

"Well." Despite standing unstably on the ice, I leaned closer so my face was just inches away from his. "I've been on a private tour to the Space Needle, if we're talking about landmarks."

This time, his eyes flicked down, nailing me. The haziness in his eyes cleared.

I nudged him on the shoulder, teasing him with a smile, and I was suddenly losing my balance and hurtling forward.

Arms wound around his neck, I unintentionally pressed my lips to the edge of his lips for a second, then panicking, and pulling back –

And down on my butt.

"Ow," I murmured, wincing as I massaged my thigh.

He was hiding a smile as he helped me up. "I guess it's not your arm we have to worry about tonight."

My head jerked up, and that should have sent me sliding again if it weren't for him in front of me, drawing me close.

My legs were aching already.

"I hate skating," I mumbled, but I was laughing as well.

"You haven't even tried yet." His eyes were hooded as he tugged me along again, and I was beginning to skate relatively steadily. "It's not as hard as it looks."

I made a face at him, but he smiled faintly back.

And then we'd rounded one-third of the rink – Edward, with one hand in his pocket and the other holding mine, staring off into space, and me, both hands completely wound around his, glowering at the ice.

At one point, his hand reached up, brushing across his face, and I knew he was fighting a grin.

"You're so adorable," he said.

A weird noise escaped my mouth, because I didn't really take that as flattery. I cast my eyes over at the entrance, wondering how long it would take for us to get there once more.

Seeing my grimace, Edward wordlessly looped around so he was facing me. Enclosing my fingers more securely in his hands, he slowly edged backward. He was coasting so smoothly.

It was silent except for the sounds of our blades against the ice.

"Just push one of your feet back, diagonally against the ice." His lips tipped up into a lopsided grin. "That will push the other foot to glide automatically."

"Like this?"

"Yeah," he said, voice soft.

"I'm so bad at this."

"It only takes a little practice."

I was concentrating so hard on my skating that we were hardly engaged in a conversation after that. Edward glanced over his shoulder every once in a while, just to check that he wasn't closing up into an obstacle.

The skating wasn't the only thing ridiculous in this situation, though. It was that we were faking to not feel ridiculous about this when it blatantly was.

So just as he turned to check again, I mustered up my courage –

"So why are we here?" I whispered.

I almost wished he didn't hear me.

And his head was still tossed back, and I couldn't see his face. But his thumbs were running over my knuckles.

"I just wanted to have fun with you," he said.

My heart sank, because I had wanted a different answer. "Okay."

"Thanks for coming with me, by the way."

I sniffled, digging my nose into my scarf. "Don't say that. I promised you, after all."

There was a period of silence.

"Edward."

"Bella."

"I hope that one day, you'll be able to give me some answers." I swallowed, eyes intent on my feet as they started to glide more fluidly on the icy surface. "Is that too much to ask?"

It was just a few words he said in response, but they were enough to make everything better:

"No, it's not." He squeezed my fingers. "And I will give them soon. I promise."

"I promise."

I had to fight a smile as I repeatedly recited those words in my head.

"Order for two? A latte and a cappuccino?"

At the sound, I stumbled up and jogged to the counter to collect the coffee I ordered.

It was Alice Hale holding the drinks, her eyes steely and impassive.

"These yours?" she said quietly.

I realized I was just standing there, gawking at her. "Oh, yeah. Yeah. Thanks."

She nodded briskly and handed the two warm cups over. "Here. They're five dollars together."

I anxiously sucked in my bottom lip and fidgeted with my change. "Do you – do you work here?"

Her eyes flickered over to somewhere else before back at me and pinning me down.

"Sorry, was that rude?" I said, balancing on the balls of my feet.

She kept staring.

"Uh…"

"Are you going to pay or what?"

I startled. "What?"

She was looking at something over my shoulder. "Your boyfriend's waiting for you."

"What?" I said again stupidly.

"Isn't Edward Cullen your boyfriend? He's waiting for you."

I glimpsed back, and she was right.

Quickly, I dropped the money and picked up the drinks.

"They're hot," she said tonelessly. "Be careful."

I got the strange feeling that she was implying something else in those last two words.

I used the side mirror to keep my eyes on Alice Hale in the coffee shop, wondering and not getting anywhere…

Then the car door clicked open, and Edward joined me in the backseat.

I studied him worriedly, knowing that he just got off from a call he took outside.

"Carlisle," he said simply as he shut the door, although I never asked.

In the silence, I brushed off the snowflakes from his hair and shoulders. I didn't think he was aware of the fact that I was touching him, though, seeing that his eyes were losing focus.

"Your hands are freezing." I gently handed over the warm coffee and helped him hold it; then, I covered his hands with my warm ones. "Do you want me to drive?"

He actually attempted to smile. Why didn't he understand that he didn't have to do that?

"I'm okay," he said.

I nodded once and looked away.

I could be patient.

I sipped on my coffee as I directed my body toward the windshield. "We should get moving before we get caught up in this. But I don't remember hearing there's a snowstorm coming in the weather forecast…"

Outside, snow was beginning to fall fast and hard, and each white flake was getting bigger and thicker by the minute. The flakes were flying diagonally in the air.

I gently tugged on his wrist. "Are you sure you can drive?"

Although he didn't nod, he instantly deposited his coffee into the holder in the cabinet and cracked open the door to move into the driver's seat.

But he hesitated, and the cold wind spilled through the opening.

"Edward?"

"I don't want to go." And then his green eyes were fluttering all over the place, eyebrows furrowed. "I can't go back." His fists and jaw clenched rhythmically. "I – I don't want to face Carlisle right now. I can't."

I held my breath in the eerie silence, and that was when his seemingly perpetual cool mask suddenly broke and changed to show his sheer panic and fright.

Quietly, I leaned over him and shut the door again.

I had no choice but ask.

"What did Carlisle say?"

No answer.

"Edward." I turned his shoulders so they were facing me. "What did he say?"

My mind was sifting through the worst scenarios. Although it was clear that Edward harbored obvious distaste for his father, I knew that one wrong act on Carlisle's part could make a crippling effect on Edward's life. Regardless of what Edward felt, Carlisle was undoubtedly a significant figure to him. At least that much was true, because I remembered that Edward would always be bothered when he didn't know where the blond man was. Always.

"Talk to me," I pleaded gently, my mind clouding with a myriad of thoughts.

"He's sorry for being a burden in my life." His voice was oddly still and controlled. "He's sorry."

"Hey, I don't want to act like I know everything, because I don't." I ran a hand through his hair. "But I do know that Carlisle cares about you."

He shook his head mutely.

"I'm serious. He –" I held my tongue and started over. "Why do you hate him so much?"

Edward very slowly crumbled forward on his bent elbows and hid his face in his hands.

"All they do is group us together," he said woodenly. "The Masens – always, every time they see me. How I look so much like Carlisle. How I'll end up like Carlisle in the end. How things could have been different if only I were a Masen. That you can't fool genetics. I hate it."

"But he still –"

"No, Bella." He was glaring now, eyes clouding with slight frenzy. "Carlisle gambles – all the time – did you know that? He's not employed because he just doesn't care anymore, and he – he's a high school dropout! He –"

My throat closed up. "Edward…"

"I don't ever want to end up like him. I can't do that to my dad. I have to be good. I have to – … " He shook his head. "Carlisle's right. I should have gone to Chicago. How is anyone supposed to treat me like an adult if I throw tantrums like a kid, right? I'm only proving them right. It's all my fault."

"No, no, no, don't do that. Hey, come here." I forced his hands off from his face and wrapped my arms around his torso. "It's going to be okay."

A hint of a sad smile spread on his lips, and I could feel them move up against my neck. "You always know your center. I wish I were more like you."

"There's nothing wrong with being you," I said, remembering the night he said otherwise.

"Wrong." He fell silent. "I'm vain… and I always play dirty."

I helped him sit up, but his shoulders were still slackened and his head still bowed.

Gazing up at him, I traced the side of his lips with a thumb. "Did I ever tell you that I love your smile?"

He slightly raised his head, scrutinizing me timidly. Then his lips, instead of smiling, pressed unyieldingly to mine.

"That too, I guess," I joked, laughing quietly to myself.

"Bella." The way he was looking at me made my heart beat faster. "This… us…"

"Yeah?"

"You're so good to me," he said quietly. "I hope you'll never get tired of this, because I don't think I'll ever get tired of it."

I smiled. "Me too."

"But since when was anything simple?"

"It doesn't have to be simple."

He pulled me up easily, and this time, I rested my head against his chest, his muscles firm and warm.

"I'm never going to get tired of you," I mumbled.

"Really?"

He sounded so desperate. It was as if he didn't believe me.

I looked up, and his face was cast in the shadows of the darkening night and thickening snow. His eyes flashed in the soft orange light; his hair was turned and mussed all over his head; and his skin was so pale – even paler than mine – and in that moment, it felt like we were invincible.

He was so human, and I had to catch my breath. And I wanted every inch of him – both scarred and unscathed – to be mine.

I planted a kiss on his shoulder. "I swear."

The world never worked the way people wanted.

And so I understood when we started driving and Edward told me that he still wasn't ready to face Carlisle – that he wasn't sure if he'd ever be.

One night wasn't going to magically mend everything.

"Weird."

I stiffened as I faced him. "What is?"

"You've been in my room countless times, and this is my first in yours."

"Oh." I began to hiccup. Darn. Nerves. "I guess."

My bedroom was nothing special. It was tidy, mostly toned-down purple, and just the perfect size for me to carry out my daily tasks.

I watched as Edward, with a youthful grin, fingered the string of lights I had on one of the walls.

"This is nice," he said, touching the golden glows, before twisting and taking everything else in.

With another hiccup, I cracked a nervous smile. I tried to ignore how heavily – and excitedly – my heart was beating. Edward Cullen looked too big – and out of place – in my tiny room.

Another hiccup.

"Are you nervous?" he asked, now wearing a salacious grin.

Hiccup. "No, you don't make me nervous."

"I make you nervous?"

Hiccup. Hiccup.

I almost tripped on my way to my bed, and plopped down on it weakly. He silently asked for my permission, and with one nod from me, he was sitting next to me too.

Our pinkies were touching.

I hiccupped.

"I heard kissing helps," he said casually.

"Helps with what?"

"Stopping hiccups."

My face felt oddly warm.

He was making excuses, of course. But in the next few minutes our mouths moved against each other, I couldn't care less.

My bed creaked as Edward hoisted me over his groin and tried to shrug me out of my sweater.

We abruptly went still as we both heard something – footsteps in the hallway getting closer.

Edward and I shared a moment of wide-eyed, panic-stricken stares before I leaped off his lap.

In that split second, I was seriously regretting not having a big enough closet for a six-foot boy to fit in when there was a knock on the door.

"Bella?"

I frantically patted down my hair and clothes, and did my best to control my breathing as I popped open the door the slightest bit, letting only a stream of light out the door.

"Hey, Dad," I said, clearing my throat. "What's up? I thought you were taking the night shift."

"I am. I was just stopping by…" Charlie scowled at something behind me. "Do you have a friend over?"

"Huh?" Giggling under my breath, I angled the door more sharply. "Uh, no."

"Honey, you were never a good liar."

"Uh, Dad – DAD!"

He wrenched the door open against my will, and that was how I involuntarily introduced my boyfriend to my dad for the first time.

Edward wasn't shirtless, thank God.

My dad was a commanding man; law and order was his nature. Although far from physically formidable with his rather stout figure and round beady eyes, Charlie Swan knew what to do to exude his menace and protectiveness.

"You're dating him?" Charlie accused me furiously.

He spoke as if the very boy wasn't in the same room with us.

I peeked at Edward, now standing by my spinning chair – he had made a smart move and managed to reposition himself by my desk even in that moment of fraught. In this moment, I truly admired his bored but respectful disaffection. But I wondered what was really going through his head…

Strutting up, Edward introduced himself, quietly but confidently, before making a firm handshake.

But Charlie was undeterred, and he shot me a look that we were going to talk about this.

But why? Edward had a moderate – if not, good – reputation in town. My dad, the Chief, should know this. I didn't understand where the anger was coming from.

Still, Charlie was a man of few words. The disapproval was obvious – and so was the disappointment in his daughter, it seemed – and he warned that Edward would have to be gone by the time he got back home in a few hours.

I escorted my dad to his cruiser, and before he got in, he told me, "That boy's trouble."

"How would you know, dad?" I mumbled, exasperated.

He rolled his window down and gave me a soft but stern look. "I was his age when I met your mom. Your mom was your age when she met me. Here in Forks. You're a smart girl, Bella. I'm sure you know what I mean."

Without another word, the Chief drove off.

The storm that came along last night was undoubtedly the drastic changing point in this year's weather. Although it had calmed substantially after midnight, the world outside my window still seemed evermore murky and hazed up.

My world too.

As the weak light streamed in through the curtains, I hummed and turned away.

My hand fisted around my pillow, and it clenched and unclenched.

Carlisle.

The Masens.

Charlie.

Edward.

Edward.

Edward.

My eyes fluttered open, and I was suddenly wide awake.

I felt oddly wan as I swung my legs off the bed and stood up.

I came to recognize the different shades of Edward's voice and actions over the last four months – how he sounded whenever he would speak in long and short sentences – how he would walk nimbly with his hands in his pockets.

I also came to learn that he was many more things than just the popular jock; he was a fantastic musician, a secretly reluctant volleyball player, a horrible cook, and a teenager who just wanted to be good.

A lot happened in little time, and something inside me was permanently shifted. I didn't remember when, what, or why. It just did.

And while feeling this intensely for someone had its frustrating moments as well as lonely moments, it also had those meaningful moments that made all the bad things worthwhile.

A random distant honk pulled me out of the stupor over my breakfast, and I was beyond surprised to see Edward roughly knocking on my door the next minute.

I also did not expect to see his eyes and face – to hear his voice – all much more tired than usual.

My eyes widened as I felt a surge of dread stirring within me. "Is everything okay? Are you all right?"

"I just need you, Bella." Edward cleared his throat, but even then, his voice was subdued, husky, and dull. "Can I just have you today?"

My heart leaped, as he, breaths noticeably uneven, took one big step forward and blinked heavily. He frowned a tad, as if confused, before he shoved me into a wall and tucked his face in the crook of my neck.

We both slid down the wall and onto an awkward position on the floor, and I was beginning to truly panic – but then I heard his breaths even out.

"I couldn't sleep without you," he muttered drowsily, body relaxing and words slurring.

Then I combed a hand through his hair over and over, and let both of us sit there by the opened front door. He kept mumbling that he was going to fall asleep, but I doubted he really did. But with the slow rise and fall of his chest, I imagined he had fallen at least into that light sleep in which you partially were aware of your surroundings.

With the cold air blowing in, my bare toes and legs turned numb and frosty. But hearing his peace in my ear and the way he murmured my name, I didn't have it in me to take this moment away from him.

Some hours later, I made brunch for the two us.

He did the dishes afterward.

"I didn't mean to pass out on you," he said quietly.

"Don't worry about it." I sighed, folding my arms together on the dining table. "I thought something bad happened or something. I'd rather have you pass out from lack of sleep than anything like that."

He made no answer to that; all I heard was the clinking of the dishes as he rinsed them.

It was quiet here, and outside the house was a snowstorm that was subsiding little by little

I stared at the rattling window, feeling pensive. "Did you know you talk in your sleep too?"

"No." I thought I heard a smirk in his voice. "What did I say? Something stupid?"

"Kind of."

He turned off the faucet and faced me, tossing his head to the side. "Yeah?"

A grin formed on my mouth. "You said my name."

"Not surprising." He paused, smiling crookedly. "And not stupid."

Edward came into my life like the strong winds outside – unpredictably and powerfully. He swept into my life without a hello, because in all honesty, he didn't have to say a thing to let me know. No warning would have been enough.

The next thing I knew, I was propped on the kitchen counter next to the sink and showering his neck and shoulders with kisses.

Edward. I think I'm in love with you.

With the downward tilt of his head, our mouths came together, and I suddenly wanted to duck and cry.

"I didn't come here for this," he whispered, eyes closed, but he kept kissing me back, his responses growing more eager and demanding.

"I know. But I just want to be with you too." I bravely licked his bottom lip, to which he groaned. "We can do what we should have done yesterday. Watch movies. Order pizza. Sleep. Maybe eat ice cream." I smiled against his lips and held onto his chest tighter. "All day long."

My skin pebbled under the touch of his cold, wet fingertips, but his mouth was warm and soft and tender.

"All day long," he echoed both my words and smile, a finger on my chin.

And that was when all my inhibitions came unbound – when I finally surrendered a part of myself for him to keep.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: So, a lot happened. One of many secrets is now officially revealed – how did I do? How do you feel about it? Realistic or not? Like or no?

Sarah