Author's note: Thanks so much to Larkafree, Maknatuna, FireChildSlytherin5, Maddy Love Castiel, RachelPhobia, Keefer, CherylB1964, Ninjakittee, Lovely Rain Dancer, kb18142, Wolfie135, Yana5, CassXDeano and chertovvrach for last chapter's reviews!

I just want to take a moment to thank you all for the continued support. It really means the world to me!

21

"Come on, Sammy. We got the night off. Let's hit the bar!" Dean suggested as cheerfully as he would get these days. He really was trying to get an upbeat mood across and motivate his younger brother to give in and come with him that way. Sure, he really wanted to have one of those ordinary nights out that had evaded him ever since he had returned from hell, but getting Sam to enjoy himself too would have been the cherry on top.

"I'd rather stay here," the younger Winchester replied with an apologetic look, "I've got a bit of a headache."

He wasn't proud of himself for lying to his brother, but it seemed unavoidable. There was something Sam had been planning to do for days now, but he couldn't as long as Dean was watching him as intently as he did these days. He was pretty sure that his older brother wouldn't have let him go through with his plan, anyway. There were a lot of things Sam would have to explain, if he ever wanted to make him understand, but chances were he wouldn't get far before they'd just yell at each other. Not to mention that he really didn't want to explain these things in the first place.

"Gee, Samantha, I didn't ask you for sex," Dean shot back with a smirk that still gave away that he was gauging his younger brother's reaction to that very carefully. If Sam responded in a way that the older Winchester didn't like or didn't think was natural, he wouldn't leave him alone, that was for sure.

"Jerk," the younger Winchester replied, shaking his head disapprovingly. He chuckled right afterward, however. Sometimes it was too easy to see that Dean's time in hell had influenced his behavior heavily – watching him going through the motions of his nightmares every other night didn't help – but sometimes he'd just do or say these things that were so undeniably Dean. That never failed to make Sam feel a bit better about their general situation, either.

"That's my bitch," the older Winchester grinned, ruffling his younger brother's hair before he turned to leave the motel room, "Don't wait up."

Sam huffed out a short laugh before he went back to acting like he was searching for something on the laptop. He had decided to wait at least five minutes after Dean had left before he'd set things into motion. Chances were nothing was going to happen, but he still wanted to make sure that his brother wasn't too likely to walk in.

Luckily he had decided to put the paper Helen had given to him into his wallet and luckily he had remembered that take it with him when he had left the cabin. Sam knew that it was quite likely that the number she had given him would be a dead end – a pagan goddess with a mobile phone? – but he had to try, anyway.

The younger Winchester tried not to be too disappointed when his call got redirected to the sort of voice mail that wasn't personalized at all after a few rings. Chances were he had the entire night to try again. Dean's had this theory that Castiel completely rebuilding his body had somehow made him a virgin again and he was all too keen on losing that virginity again, after all. Somehow Sam didn't think that 'I'm a virgin' was that much of a great pick up line, but he also didn't doubt that his brother could be highly successful with it.

He had only just closed the laptop when there was a knock on the door which made his hand go to the knife he was carrying around instinctively before he went to answer it.

"I figured, if you want to talk, we should do it face to face," Hel commented in the way of greeting, "Can I come in?"

Sam stepped aside immediately, closing the door behind her. He had meant to ask her to meet him anyway, so this was exactly what he had wanted. The way she smiled at him before she took a seat in one of the rickety motel chairs told him that he hadn't made too much of a mistake, too.

"I never got to say thanks for what you did the other day," the younger Winchester started, sitting across from her. He wasn't sure what would have happened, if Hel hadn't commanded that reaper to leave him alone, but it wouldn't have been good.

The goddess shrugged, "I'm not just watching you for shits and giggles, you know?"

"So, you are following us around?" Sam asked with a small frown. Sure, he hadn't actually believed that it had been a coincidence that she had shown up exactly at the right moment to help him, but hearing her confirm it just like that still was surprising. It really wasn't all that nice to think like that, but he had expected lies and half-truths instead of any clear answers.

"Not all the time, I've got things to do sometimes," Hel replied casually. Of course, Fenrir usually took over the watch when she had to leave, but she had the feeling that telling Sam about that would only make him paranoid.

"Did he-? No, wait, I actually don't want to know," the younger Winchester started a question, but thought better of it just a moment later. He had nothing to gain by hearing if the Trickster had told her to keep an eye on him. He wasn't even quite sure, if it would be worse to hear that he had or that he hadn't.

"Sam, you're my friend, I don't need daddy dearest to tell me to look after you," the goddess stated a little evasively. That she would have done it without being told to as well didn't mean that nobody had told her to do it, after all. Granted, she could and would have told her father to take his orders and shove them up his ass, if she really hadn't wanted to, quite possibly in those words, too.

"He's your father then," Sam nodded to himself. That finally gave them a name to attach to the Trickster, too. Loki, the Norse god of mischief and chaos. It made a lot of sense, all things considered.

"Does it make a difference?" Hel asked. She hadn't seen the point in lying about her father's identity anymore. Sure, names held power, but given Loki's dirty little secret – the angelic one, as opposed to all his other dirty little secrets – it wouldn't be possible to harm him with any rituals or spells that used his name alone. Besides, the goddess severely doubted that Sam even had anything alike in mind.

"After everything else? No, it doesn't," the younger Winchester chuckled humorlessly before he finally spoke about the real reason why he had tried to get in contact with her, "Hel, I… I wanted to ask you for a favor."

Things couldn't go on the way they had ever since he had gotten his memory back that much was for sure. Sam had spent quite some time thinking things over before he had called Hel and he had made up his mind about all of this. They'd still have to talk about the specifics, because he wasn't completely sure how this could work preferably without Dean going through the roof over it. Actually, the last part might be the hardest thing about the entire plan.

"A human calling a god to ask for a favor? I'm shocked!" Hel replied teasingly, she looked back at the tall human seriously, though. He shouldn't think that she was only making fun of him. If he had a reasonable request to make – preferably one that would lead to him and her father speaking again – she would be all too willing to give him what he wanted. Of course, Sam just had to completely disappoint her, however.

"I know he did things to my mind to make me forget," the younger Winchester stated, "You can do that too, right?"

Now that he knew that Hel's cousin was actually her father it would make even more sense for her to possess that kind of power.

"No, no, no, you're not asking me for that," the goddess exclaimed, rising from her seat before she had even made the conscious decision to move. What Sam had just asked her for was something she wasn't even willing to consider, however. Hel wouldn't even pretend that she hadn't made her fair share of mistakes and that she had never treated people – human or otherwise – wrong, but she liked to think that she had grown out of some of the imprudence of her youth, at least.

"Why not?" the younger Winchester asked, standing up to grab her arm simply to keep her from just up and leaving. Chances were that the goddess knew that this was the only reason why he had grabbed her too, otherwise he was pretty sure he would have gotten a stronger reaction than a mildly annoyed look.

"Because it's stupid as hell," Hel answered in a surprisingly gentle tone, "You don't really want me to invade your mind and play with your memories!"

Loki would absolutely hate to hear about this, too. She would make sure to let him know just how far he had pushed the man with his mind games, however. There was no use sparing her father from uncomfortable truths when she wanted him to have any chance to maybe mend the bond he had clearly had with the younger Winchester even the slightest little bit.

"It's not that I want it so much," Sam clarified, "I need this."

Most of the time he felt like there were two different people inside his head these days and while they were both different versions of him, the things they wanted and the way they viewed their lives just didn't go together.

"Why?" Hel questioned, "Hey, if you expect me to change my mind about something I absolutely don't want to do, you'll have to give me good reasons and I better believe every word you say."

She already knew that she wasn't going to give in, but the answer to her question would give her some very valuable information about the state of mind the younger Winchester was in. Wanting someone to delete a part of his memories was a pretty drastic step to take, so he had had to have good reasons and she would get to the bottom of this.

"Do you have any idea what the Trickster did to Dean? What he did to me? He made me watch my brother die over and over and over and when I thought he was finally done he killed him again and left him dead for six months. I can't even put into words how much I hate the bastard," Sam tried to explain, even though it was very hard for him to find the right words, especially for the second part, "And then there's Gabe…"

The younger Winchester's voice started to waver at that part and he had to stop talking. To tell the truth, he wouldn't have known how to express what he needed to say, anyway. Admitting that that other part of him still had strong feelings for the man who had made him feel loved and cared for was too damn painful.

"You still love him," Hel replied, failing to keep her voice neutral. She managed to mask the elation as surprise, at least. Alright, her father had fucked up royally, but it was a fact that having Sam around had been damn good for him and the human had been happy with the way things had been, too. Sure, it was going to be a pretty big piece of work, but hearing that Sam still had feelings for Gabriel gave her just a little hope that given the time they might work something out again.

"It doesn't matter, he never even fucking existed!" the younger Winchester shot back bitterly, the pain clearly to be heard in his voice. Really, that was the worst part about the entire story. He could have dealt with having some positive feelings for the Trickster somehow. At least he thought so. Loving a person who never existed in the first place, but who still seemed all too real to him was so much worse, though.

"Sam…" Hel sighed. There was nothing she wanted more than to just tell the human that he was wrong, that Gabe existed and that the person Sam had come to know and love was much more like the person her father really was than that Trickster persona he used to mess with hunters and people who deserved it from his point of view. She had no right to reveal all this and he wouldn't believe her anyway, however. This was something Loki would have to clarify himself.

"He had no right to do this to me," Sam insisted, surprised by the weakness in his tone. He had meant to make an accusation, to be angry about this, but instead he just felt an awful emptiness.

"I'm sorry," Hel sighed sadly, pulling the human into her arms for a tight hug. She didn't say if she was sorry for the things her father had done or if she was sorry for denying Sam his wish to just forget, but she didn't have to, anyway. They both knew that it was a mixture of both.

The two of them didn't even get enough time to put some space between them before the motel room door opened and Dean walked back in.

"Hey Sammy, Cas says he's got…" the older Winchester started but trailed off when he saw that his brother was currently with a woman, "Dude, it's not that hard to put a tie on the door handle!"

Dean's apparent amusement was replaced with confusion as soon as Castiel stood halfway in front of him like he was seriously trying to protect him and produced a blade from the sleeve of his trenchcoat for all it looked like. The joke about how the angel really should know that something like females existed too died right on the older Winchester's lips when the woman's eyes literally flared.

"Don't!" Sam exclaimed, forcefully pulling Hel behind himself to shield her from the angel who clearly had gotten the wrong idea here, "I asked her to come!"

He had wanted to add how she was his friend, but he never got the chance before his brother glared daggers at him and demanded, "You what?"

"Thank you," Hel whispered, resisting the urge to ruffle the human's hair or tell him how cute she thought that sort of chivalry was. She chose to take her leave as quickly as possible instead, disappearing under the disapproving glares of both Castiel and Dean.

"She's my friend," Sam admitted, just hoping that the angel wasn't going to take off in a second as well. He wasn't quite sure who would win in a battle between an angel and a pagan goddess, but he really didn't want to find out, either.

"Your friend? Since when are you friends with monsters?" Dean finally kicked the door closed with more force than necessary as he stalked toward his younger brother. He had known that something had been up with him ever since he had gotten him back, but he'd have never imagined something like this!

"Hel is not a monster. She knows the Trickster and… I've met her there," Sam insisted, knowing he wasn't making a very good point.

"And that makes her your friend how?" Dean shot back, raising his voice. It was astonishing that Castiel kept quiet through all of this, but he wasn't exactly in the state of mind where he could give that too much thought.

"Dean, please, trust me in this," the younger Winchester pleaded, knowing that once more he couldn't explain this in a way that would make his brother understand. He could have told him the entire story with all the details and Dean still wouldn't be able to understand why Sam just knew that Hel was trustworthy.

"Why did you draw your knife?" the older Winchester asked Castiel instead of giving a response to his brother or even looking at him for the moment being.

"It is called an angel blade," the angel replied matter-of-factly before he considered the actual question, "It was a precaution. We need you and I was not going to take any chances."

Dean blinked a couple of times before he chose to ignore the part about how the angels needed him and focus on the part where the angel had tried to protect him, "Thanks Cas. So, did you actually need to protect us from her?"

Sam exhaled soundly, but a pointed look from his brother stopped him from saying anything just yet. Alright, Dean was going somewhere with this and he probably should let him go through with that conversation he was having with Cas, if only because they might yet be able to avoid a full blown yelling match.

"Hel is not known to be extraordinarily malevolent and what little power she showed was only a demonstration of her willingness to fight, should I strike first," the angel replied truthfully, even though he wasn't that sure what the human actually wanted to know. He was pretty sure that there was a hidden meaning behind the question, even if he didn't understand it, yet.

"Okay. I don't like this. You lied to me, so you'd get to meet up with a pagan god of all things," the older Winchester stated after a long moment of silence, looking at both the other men in the room, "But if you say she's your friend and you say she's sort of okay. I trust you."

Sam couldn't keep the kind of silly smile off his face while Castiel seemed mostly puzzled, but both of them acknowledged what a big step this was for Dean.

"This was your one free pass," the older Winchester warned his brother just to make sure that he understood where they stood, "Don't go sneaking around behind my back again!"

Yeah, that still didn't make it any less of a big step.