A GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY
GEMMA FITZGERALD FOR SPORTS ILLUSTRATED
When I was eighteen years old, my hockey team was playing a tournament in the United States. It was one of my last tournaments before going to university, and before going pro. I had already been scouted; my name was out in the open and I had given some minor interviews about my future in hockey. My team played a fantastic tournament and came in first place. I was elated. I remember taking our team photo, and I was smiling ear to ear.
When I got back into the locker room, I saw that everybody else's cubby was still in the condition they had left it in. When I looked at mine, I saw that my clothes had been torn up and hung on the hooks for me to see. Stuck on to an article of clothing with hockey tape was a note: "Muslim scum does not belong in hockey"
My teammates were furious. They wanted to barge into the locker room of the opposing team and demand answers. I told them not to. They wanted my coach to have some words with the opposing coach. I told him not to. They wanted to check security cameras in the arena. I told them not to.
"Why don't you want to do anything about this?" my best friend Jane Hounslow asked me. She was ready to take a flamethrower to the building.
"Because this isn't the first time," I admitted.
Jane was still furious. The look of heartbreak mixed with rage that she gave me said it all. "There shouldn't have been a first time," she said. "And this is going to be the last time."
I was raised in an interfaith household. My father is Irish-Catholic, born and raised in Toronto. My mother is Lebanese and Muslim, born in Beirut, a refugee to Canada during the Lebanese Civil War. They met at a young Liberals rally for the re-election of Pierre Trudeau in the 1980s and fell in love while they canvassed together through the riding they'd later call home. I've always joked that the only way I could be more Canadian is if I was birthed in a tub of maple syrup surrounded by beavers and Mounties. I don't think my family or my upbringing is unique – there are many Torontonians like me. I think the only thing we are is uniquely Canadian. Perhaps others aren't used to it yet.
For what it's worth, I am officially doubled-barrelled. However, whenever I was spoken about in hockey circles the "Saad" part of Saad-Fitzgerald was always conveniently dropped, especially after I turned 18 and went pro. I guess dropping the Arab part of your last name makes you more marketable….
Gemma's phone had been beeping and buzzing for hours. The release of her article in Sports Illustrated was met with a lot of fanfare and adoration by many, and she was getting tweets by the minute. It was all very overwhelming, but in a good way. It was the first time in a long time she felt like she had done something good, something that would change her sport, even just a little bit. She knew her story needed to be told in some capacity, but she didn't expect such positive feedback. Not only were fans and her teammates on Team Canada eating it up, but so were her colleagues, people from Hockey Canada, from Hockey Night in Canada…everywhere.
It didn't help (it totally did help) that Fergal was somehow getting all the alerts too, obsessively checking his phone to see who else with a blue check said something about how great the article was. He read them all out to her, regardless of how short or long, thread or no thread, and would kiss her every time he finished. For that reason only she wanted him to go on for the rest of the day.
wick22: Very moving article by gemmafitz about women – esp minority women – in hockey. We all face obstacles & Gemma does a great job at showing exactly what we face in a male dominated sport.
There is still so much work to be done. But I am glad to be part of a group of women who are challenging & changing this. To gemmafitz, I am continually awed by your strength, resilience, and dedication to hockey.
You've inspired so many and you inspire me. Thank you for this and all you've done (& continue to do) for women's hockey
CassieCampbell: The best of her generation gemmafitz with a very poignant and eye-opening article. You are an inspiration to so many young girls and your fellow teammates. Hockey Canada is beyond lucky to have you in their ranks.
That gemmafitz had to go through that awful experience at such a young age is wrong & disheartening. Many don't want to face the realities women have to go through in hockey. Gemma just tore the roof off.
We all need to challenge the systematic gender stereotypes in hockey – not to mention racial ones, too.
Girls - shatter that glass ceiling in hockey. Be the change you want to see in the sport.
RonMacLeanHTH: excellent piece by gemmafitz in Sports Illustrated about her experience in hockey. Everyone needs to read it and learn from it.
JonathanToews: gemmafitz your article was excellent & eye opening. You have my full support in eradicating these problems from hockey.
CP0031: I commend gemmafitz for speaking out against racism + misogyny in hockey. Many First Nations youth face the same issues.
Like JonathanToews, I stand with you in working to eradicate these problems + encouraging minority youth to play hockey.
PKSubban1: gemmafitz hits the nail on the head with this one. I've had similar experiences as a black player.
When bananas are thrown at you, you know this is a systematic problem. I applaud her for speaking out and will defend her til death.
JVReemer21: excellent piece by gemmafitz! If you can play, you can play!
Burkie2020: thank you for your hard work gemmafitz. Like many have said, there is no place for racism, misogyny, or homophobia in hockey.
Black, white, grey, purple, blue, boy girl, trans, genderless – anyone & everyone is welcome.
ovi8: good article gemmafitz! If we want hockey to spread, we should do what you say.
Then came a phone call Gemma was not expecting. It came as she and Fergal were getting ready to leave the hotel to go to the arena for Raw. She had her agent on speed dial – and he had her as well – so it wasn't the fact that he was calling her that was a shock to her. It was the news he had to tell her.
"Gemma," his voice was a bit frantic on the other end. "Gem, are you sitting down?"
"Jason? What's going on?" Gemma asked.
"Gemma, the NHL wants to honour you at the NHL Awards this year," he said.
That definitely piqued Gemma's attention. "They WHAT?!"
Her outburst got Fergal's attention now. He looked at her with furrowed brows as she sat down on the edge of the bed. He mouthed 'what's going on?' but she just shook her head.
"I just got the call. They want to honour you and your career and they'd like you to give a small speech AND they've asked you to present the Hart Trophy!" he listed off.
"Oh my GOD!" Gemma exclaimed. "I can't believe they'd do that! I can't believe…wow!" she exclaimed. "Please tell me you said yes."
"Well, obviously…I mean, I told them it was a 90% yes because I wanted to talk to you first to make sure you were okay with everything," Jason clarified. "But it seems like you're excited about it all."
"It's 100% yes," Gemma said quickly. "Listen, they don't do this often…ever…so I'm going to milk it for all it's worth. I'm going to give a ten minute speech like it's the Oscars or something."
"Okay. I'm gonna call them back," he said, pausing for a moment. "Congratulations Gemma. Really."
"Thanks Jason. Text me later, okay? I'll be at the arena with Fergal."
Once she hung up the phone, she shot up and moved to hug Fergal. "What was that about?" he asked.
"The NHL is honouring me at their awards in June," she revealed.
His eyes immediately brightened. "Congratulations, babe," he smiled as he kissed her.
"I'm shocked Ferg. Like…legitimately shocked," she said as she shook her head.
"Why would you be so shocked? You had a career worth celebrating."
"They never do this sort of stuff," Gemma explained. "I don't know…I guess I thought they would have forgotten about it."
Fergal furrowed his brows again. "Why would they forget about it?"
"You know why."
It didn't take him long to make the connection. He bent down to kiss her again, for longer this time, before letting go. "You deserve this, Gemma. You deserve the world."
Now, alone in their hotel room after Raw, Gemma was still on her high from the excitement and happiness of the day. Earlier in the night she had sent out a tweet thanking everybody for their kind words and support of the article. Only an hour later, the NHL tweeted that she would be honoured at the awards, which got everybody talking again. It had been a good day, a very good day – one of the best since she got injured – and it would be capped off by a night with Fergal.
When he emerged from the washroom in nothing but his boxer-briefs, Gemma was able to get a good look at him. They had been away from each other for about five days before she flew into Atlanta to see him yesterday night. She was still getting used to his traveling schedule.
"This is going to be our first public event together, isn't it?" he asked as he laid his clothes in his suitcase.
"It will be," Gemma nodded her head. She had obviously asked him to attend with her. A quick look at his schedule let him realize the Money in the Bank pay-per-view was going to be the week prior, so he'd had a lot more leeway asking for the Sunday night off. He hoped to God Paul said yes.
"You know, I bet when you're there, you're going to be offered loads of stuff to do," he said. "Like, all these hockey people are going to be approaching you asking them to come work for them."
"Ferg."
"I mean it. Have you given it any thought?"
"Given what any thought?"
"What you're going to do."
Gemma gulped. Was he really bringing this up right now? "I've had some passing thoughts but nothing serious," she mumbled. "I just want to focus on rehab and getting back onto the ice without my knee hurting."
At her mumbling Fergal knew he hit a chord. He forgot about packing anything into his suitcase and crawled into bed with Gemma's eyes on him. "I'm not trying to pester you."
She took a deep breath. She was not going to be confrontational about this. "I know."
"I'm just trying to see where your head is at right now, that's all. You had a stellar career and you still have so much talent and ability and I'd hate to see that go to waste."
She smiled slightly. "Thanks."
Fergal moved to lie down beside her, pulling her closer to him and wrapping one of her legs around him. She smiled at his intimacy. He knew she longed for it after five days apart. "They'd be lucky to have you back and active in the hockey world somehow," he whispered, kissing her afterwards.
"Can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
She bit her lip. "What was it like when you won the Universal Championship?"
"What was it like?"
"Yeah…like, it must have been the greatest moment of your career, right? How did you feel? What do you remember?"
Everything started to come back to him as he placed himself back in Brooklyn, August of 2016. "I remember the crowd," he began. His fingers were tracing along her skin lightly – at any other time she would be reveling in the feeling but right now she didn't even care because he had such intensity in his eyes reliving the moment in his head. "They were really loud after the final one-two-three."
"Do you remember the pain?" she asked.
Fergal shook his head. "I was too high on adrenaline at that point. I just remember the fans, and being really happy…" he paused for a moment. "I remember seeing my parents in the crowd…mammy was clapping and crying. I had to make sure I didn't start crying after that."
Gemma smiled, leaning in to kiss him again. "You're so cute."
"What about you? What was it like scoring that goal?"
Gemma huffed, with a slight giggle at the end. "I don't even remember it happening," she admitted.
"What?!"
She laughed. "I'm serious! Like, when it happened, I didn't know how it happened. I completely blanked. They interviewed me right after, on the ice, and I was like 'I don't know, I think it went five-hole!'"
"You can't be serious."
She couldn't stop giggling. "I am one hundred percent serious. It was a complete out of body experience for me. My memory completely blanked. I mean obviously now I do. I remember every detail. It's completely come back to me now but for the longest time I had no memory of it."
"You're nuts."
"I know. It didn't really sink in until the gold medal was put on me. Even that, I was still kind of like 'What the hell is going on? What? We won gold? Because of me?'"
Fergal couldn't help but burst into a fit of laughter, making Gemma laugh as well. He tugged her closer and began kissing her, ultimately making his way on top of her. "Gemma Fitzgerald, you are certifiably insane," he mumbled in between kisses.
"Ferg."
"Hm," he mumbled, taking no action to stop kissing her.
"Ferg."
At the repetition of his name, he stopped, looking at her with his big blue eyes. "Yes darling?"
"I hope you get to feel that happy again," she said softly, looking right into his eyes.
"I will," he nodded his head. "And you will, too."