Her walk back to Saren's home felt strange, almost surreal. She knew where she was going and how to get there, but her mind felt so foggy and hazy. It felt wrong, she felt wrong.

What Nihlus had said had gotten to her, but Saren's message got to her just as much. He wanted to make things work, she didn't as well, but she knew just as much as anyone else, this wasn't working. Their relationship wasn't a good one, it was only hurting the both of them, and others at the same time.

But going back to be his lowly slave? Could she really do that again? She knew that Saren would no longer hurt her the way he did the year before, but it wasn't about whether or not he'd hurt her. It was about freedom, the freedom she felt that she deserved. Deep down, she knew that she was far from free, she'd been bought after all, but that didn't stop her from believing that this was not a life she could live through once more.

She loved Saren with everything in her, or at least, she thought she did. Nihlus had made her question everything, even how genuine her feelings for Saren were. Were they even real? Did she even love him? In her heart, it felt like she did, but her brain was questioning every little thing her heart did.

It almost excited her to finally be at the door to his home, then she wouldn't have to be lost in her own thoughts again. Something, anything would take her mind from this mess she'd gotten herself into.

The door opened with the code, just as Nihlus said it would, and she stepped inside. The air smelled of him, of Saren and all of his belongings. Living here made her get used to the smell, but now that she'd gone and come back to it, she realized just how amazing it was. She realized just how much she missed it. she realized just how much she missed Saren.

Her night with Garrus was amazing, there was still a slight throb between her legs when she thought about it, but never once had deh considered how Saren might've felt about it. In the heat of the moment, Saren didn't even exist to her, but at the same time, he existed too much.

Jane loved Garrus, she felt like she really did, but that night felt wrong, because all the while, she was thinking of Saren. She tried to say his name, tried to think of anything but her mate that she'd left at home, but Saren slipped out. It just showed how much she was still thinking about him, and it only hurt Garrus worse. What could she do to make it up to him other than leave his life for good? It's not like she was doing anything for it.

She threw herself onto the couch, her cheeks a faint pink as she remembered just everything that had happened on this couch in just a little over a year. Saren stroked her back for the first time in this couch. He'd slept here during her first night in his home. They had sex for the first time on the couch. They watch the vidscreen together through all hours of the night. The couch carried a lot of memories that she'd seem to have forgotten about, memories that changed the course of her and Saren's relationship forever.

There was a ping at the door and she grimaced. Nothing good ever came from that, and yet it kept happening.

Taking slow, deliberate steps to the door, she looks on the monitor to see who it was. Nihlus. Standing there in his read armor, looking more than impatient. It reminded her of what happened the first day she met him, when he and Saren were leaving out for a mission together. She wondered if he remembered that day as vividly as she did.

Nonetheless, she traced her fingers across the door panel and allowed the door to open for her. Making her come face to face with Nihlus.

"I'm glad you took me up on what I had to say,"

She looked down at her feet, still bare. They'd been bare the entire time, but there was nothing she could do about it, at least, until now, "I felt like I didn't have much of a choice."

"It's better this way," he assured her, "If Saren knows that you no longer wish to be with him, things will go back to the way they were before. It'll be a lot easier on the both of you."

"But I still love him, Nihlus, I don't think I can,"

He angled his head away when she mentioned the word love, even he was having trouble believing that she truly felt love for him, but she had to. She had to love him. There were very few other explanations for the way she was feeling, and most weren't good.

"Forgive me if I don't believe that. Just give it time. Send him the message and tell him that things have been broken off. Tell him that the feelings weren't real. He'll be upset, but he'll understand it,"

She thought back to the message Saren had just sent her, the one that broke heart even farther. The one where he states that he wants to try to make things work, that he wants to try to understand her, because he felt like he did not already. Had Nihlus even read the message?

"He wants to try to work things out between us," she stated and Nihlus let out a sigh. Was she being too complicated for him?

"Remember what I said. Saren bought you to have someone to come home to, it didn't have to be romantic at first, but then it became romantic, and he doesn't want to change that," Nihlus sighed once more before taking off his glove, and placing his hand on her shoulder, it was warm, "Saren is a stubborn man, but he's my friend and I care about him, and if you cared about him as much as you say you do, you'd do this for him."

She looked down at the hand on her shoulder, finding it hard to look him in the eye now, "Will he be sad?"

"Very, but he'll get over it,"

"When do I have to tell him?"

"Tomorrow, at the lastest,"

"Can't I just tell him when he gets home?"

"No, I don't want him coming home thinking that there is still something going on between the two of you,"

She nodded as a response, then pulled up her omnitool. What could she say to him that would mend their broken relationship, but end it at the same time. She had no idea. It's not like she wanted Saren to hate her, she still wanted to be loved by him, but that just wouldn't work.

She thought of ways to be professional about it, ways to make it seem like it was her idea and no one else's, but she couldn't. Then she tried to think of ways to mend their broken relationship, ways to make what they already had work, yet again, she came up with nothing.

She didn't wish to end things with Saren, she wanted them to be good again, like they were at first, but when she looked down the hall, where her and Kaidan's blood had stained the carpet, she knew that things would never be the same. He'd killed one of the humans in charge of the rebellion, he killed one of her only chances to be free. Jane thought she'd be upset, she thought she'd feel something about this, but for some reason, she felt so numb instead.

It was like she was feeling everything, but nothing at all. After what Saren had done to her, how could she even make things work? After what she'd done to Saren, things most definitely would never work. The relationship was breaking on both sides of it and there was no way to fix it. She believed that Nihlus was right. That maybe the relationship wasn't good, that maybe she didn't love Saren as she said she did, but she was so desperately holding onto it.

It took hours for her to finally compose a message good enough for Saren, and even then, she didn't want him to see it. She didn't want to end things, but she knew she had to. People were getting hurt, she was getting hurt and she was hurting everyone around her. It'd be better this way, she told herself, but even then she didn't believe it.

Jane looked down at the message on her omnitool, closed her eyes, then sent it. A shiver ran down her spine as she did not know when Saren would receive it. It could have been in a couple of days or a couple of minutes. She wouldn't know until she'd gotten the message from Saren or the chance to see him face to face. With the way he was working out in the war, she had no idea how long that'd be.

xXXx

It had been a solid six months since she'd seen Saren, a solid six months since the day she'd came home, a solid six months since she'd came home. The war still raged on outside, and from what she'd heard on the news, the humans had the advantage. There was even sly talk of a peace treaty talked up. One where the humans might be getting the Earth back as well as some other desolate planets as an apology, but that was just talk. Although, parts of her prayed to whatever got that there was that this was true.

She grew worried about Saren thought. If the humans we're winning, that meant more and more turians were getting killed everyday, that meant that Saren could've been one of them. She worried. Garrus messaged her once a month with new news from the war zone, but he and Saren were not assigned to the same place so she couldn't get updates on him.

Jane was nearly desperate enough to ask Nihlus for help, but she couldn't get into contact with him. No matter how many times she messaged him or called, he never answered, but he was in a war zone after all.

Today was another slow day. She sweet, cleaned, and washed everything she could get her hands on, and now she sat with nothing to do. There was nothing else to do, but wait. Wait for something to happen and hope that she'd get news from him. The last time she didn't hear from him, he was seriously injured, now she had no idea what was happening.

That was until she received the message. It wasn't from Saren not Nihlus, she knew that to be the case. It was from some form of medical practicer, telling her the ways to treat Saren's wound. This confirmed what she was actually afraid of, that he'd gone and gotten hurt again. This time, it had to be worse than what had happened before, because before she'd only gotten a message from Nihlus, now she got one from a high medical authority.

Thoughts raced through her mind about what could have happened to him. It scared her to think about, just because it had to be worse than what happened to him before, and he was beaten up pretty badly last time.

She didn't go to sleep that night or the night after, she lay awake and restless, hoping for some form of closure. Hoping that maybe he wasn't as hurt as she thought she was and that the hierarchy was just exaggerating.

Of course, that question was answered the one morning the doorbell rang. She was a mess. Her hair was uncombed and her eyes had developed bags beneath then from the lack of sleep she was getting. Jane jumped at the sound of the door and opened it quickly. Only to be greeted by a lone Saren.

Draped over his shoulders was a robe like piece of fabric, he walked with a bit of a limp. He kept his eyes angled downward at the ground and somehow this let her know that he'd read her message. They didn't speak to each other, he only tossed himself on the couch and stared blankly at the vidscreen.

He didn't look very injured to her. If anything, he looked the same. She didn't know what was wrong with him, other than his limp, which the doctors said would heal on its own. It hadn't yet, but she was waiting hopefully for it.

"Can I get you a glass of water, Saren?" She finally asked after what felt like hours of silence, he responded with a slow meaningless nod.

Jane took this opportunity to get away from him. The amount of tension between them was palpable, she could feel it. She knew he hated her for breaking up with him and deep down she knew that it was probably her fault that he was injured.

Jane reached into the cabinet and took out a glass, filling it with cold water, enough to satisfy Saren she believed. She took this glass back to him and attempted to hand it to his right hand, his dominant one as she remembered. He looked at the glass, them back at her, her whole body tensed.

After the long moments of glaring, he finally took the glass from her with his left hand, she didn't ask why. He was probably still angry at her that had to be the only reason for his strange behavior, at least that's what she told herself.

"What happened?" She asked, rocking from heel to toe while she awaited a response from him. She did not get in, instead he took another sip of the water, "Can I get you anything else?"

He shook his head, finally answering her after the long moments where she just believed that he'd planned to ignore her. She took this as her opportunity to talk to him and explain her actions about everything she was doing.

She took the seat next to him, he tensed, which made her tense up as well.

"Saren," she finally whispered, but she was not looking at him, rather she was staring off into space again.

"What?" Saren grumbled back, his voice was rough, hoarse, and scratchy.

"I hope you understand why I did what I did,"

"I don't,"

"I didn't do it to hurt you," she reached her hand out to touch his shoulder and he pulled away as quickly as she reached for him.

"I'm going to bed," he grunted, then he stood from the couch and went back to his room, leaving her alone in silence.