DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters names used in this story.

Disclaimer again: The poem is not mine. All rights go to Wilfred Owen

A/N: New poll up! Please check it out. Same place as my other ones. The last poll got me two options to choose from so this poll is a selection between those two. IT's the one about Neji having multiple personality disorder and the one that had the letter from Tenten to Neji.

A/A/N: I told someone that I'm only updating once a month since my already-written to updated-chapter ratio was getting close but I decided not to because I started feeling guilty like a week after I said it…

Chapter 21

He had said that he would go out and run alone that night. The day was as long as his worries, and the cool breeze that came with the upcoming change of seasons was calming to him. Whenever he went outside at this time of day he was greeted eagerly with the brisk air and the soft winds that gradually grew bigger as the days grew closer to winter. Since Hanabi had returned to school earlier that month and Hinata was as busy as ever with her modeling career, he found he was getting less phone calls from his cousins, and Lee was always busy and all over the place – granted he never skipped out on their morning runs – so he couldn't count on getting much calls from him either unless it was something extremely important. He didn't even WANT any calls from the female factor of his "friends" aside from one person and she was also busy looking for another job and another place to live.

She had told Neji – not long after she left she had called – that her options were low. There just weren't that many places to live that was in the neighborhood and had room enough for her and her son to keep their privacy, and if there was they asked for prices she couldn't provide for them. This information had shocked Neji seeing as just after she left he did catch himself wondering how things would be if they all lived together, however, he didn't bring up that option. It would have been uncalled for and quite frankly he thought he would be overstepping his boundaries with both Tenten and Kin's acceptance of interference.

Speaking of Kin, she was also busy, he found. He attempted to call her multiple times, wanting to talk to her mainly to remind himself of his relationship, but each time she had to turn his call down with a text stating that she couldn't talk. He assumed it was work, obviously, but still he felt a little alone at the thought that even she was too busy for him. Firework…well, he didn't remember to get his number. Plus he figured that he too would be busy with handling his daughter.

It was precisely because of this that he had decided to go for a run. He needed to clear his mind more than what he had attempted to do, and the small balcony at his condo wasn't enough to suffice or even come near to replacing the large garden that he had left behind at the Hyuga compound. So, to him, the next best thing was the park. Specifically at night since hardly anyone would be out at that time, and boy was he right.

The air was perfect, the feeling that he got form feeling his lungs burn the harder he ran was all too clear of a signal to tell him that he was indeed still alive and that he is very much so human…which meant he was able to make mistakes. And his current one…

"I still love her." He sighed as he sat down. "Even after all the mess that happened between us and how we're acting with one another now, I still love her."

He looked around, hoping that no one he knew was around, then made to stand in case he did get caught. He was going home. He needed to. His body couldn't take much more despite his many years of training. He was just…tired. Tired of trying to be happy, tired of not being able to sleep well, tired of being judged. He was tired of everything, but most of all he was tired of being tired. He knew those signs weren't good ones too, yet he didn't feel the need to go confront anyone, specifically his doctor, about it. Not yet.

"Neji?" Someone questioned, making him stiffen and turn. He stood in a defensive position, ready to attack if necessary then quickly calmed down when he noticed the face of the man before him. Despite the darkness that surrounded them, he could still see the boy's unnaturally big eyes and awkwardly tied up hair.

"Lee." He sighed. "It's just you."

"Are you alright?" Lee asked, picking up Neji's depressive vibes all too easily. "You don't seem to be in your usual know-it-all self today."

"I'm fine." He lied as he turned to him. "But that's beside the point. What are you doing here? I thought you said you were too busy today to talk."

Lee held up a finger defensively then approached Neji, wagging it. "I did not say that I was too busy to talk, I said that I was busy right then. Stop putting words in my mouth."

Neji rolled his eyes then sat back down, seeing as Lee possibly didn't take his lie in the first place, then sighed once more before he ran his hands through his hair and stared up at the Sky. "Why am I like this?" He asked aloud, making Lee sit down in worry. "Why am I so…obsessed with this one girl? I…I have someone else now. I should be happy with her, but I can't help but feel…torn whenever I see her and realize that she isn't who I want her to be."

"What are you talking about?"

"Nothing." He lied again.

"Neji." Lee said sternly. "What's wrong?"

He looked at his friend once before he moved to look back up at the sky above him. "I'm in love with Tenten."

"Well I knew that."

"But I have a girlfriend."

At this Lee grew silent. He thought to say something but the only thing that could escape him was a solemn 'Oh'. He looked to Neji with concern then. His eyes clearly read that, and for that reason Neji didn't want to look at him. The pity shown on his face would be just enough to anger him into wanting to seclude himself from the world like he did that time Tenten and him got into an argument, and he knew he didn't want that. He knew that he needed his friend by his side until everything gets solved, until he finally feels at peace with himself again.

"Lee." Neji started.

"Hm?"

"How are you coping after the war? Are you…like me?"

"Like you?"

He frowned, realizing that he never told anyone about his condition and the only people who knew about it were Tenten and the closest members of his family. "I was diagnosed with PTSD."

"What?" Lee exclaimed. "For how long?"

"Only recently." Neji admitted. "At first it was acute stress disorder…but as the years seemed to pass I just…" He shrugged, "got worse I guess."

"And how are you now?" Lee asked.

Neji lifted his hands to his line of sight then turned them around, seeming to be searching for something on them then moved to sit properly least he get a crick in his neck. He cracked his stiff neck once, twice before he looked to Lee and admittedly smiled the most genuine smile he could muster. "I'm not okay, Lee."

It wasn't anger he was feeling, but pain instead as he looked at the cutely decorated card in his hand. The words "You're Invited" screamed at him in all its glory even though the emotion that dyed his face was one to be wary of.

It had not been that long since he graduated high school – maybe about a year at most – and he had spent a great amount of time away from the local area. He had decided to go to a more prestigious college outside of his neighborhood and change his number as well. Sure he was being childish in his ways of avoiding Tenten, but ever since they graduated she had been calling him nonstop, thus hindering his attempt at separating himself from the "happy couple."

However, now, more than anything, he had wished he had stayed in contact with her through the whole of their high school years. He wished that he had gotten in the way more. He wished he had attempted to steal Tenten from Shino now more than ever…because what he was holding in his hands was their wedding invitation…

Lee had stayed with Neji despite the growing cold from the autumn night and the constant buzzing of his cell phone – from who Neji would never ask – and had listened very thoroughly. He asked no questions. He made no evident expression changes and he didn't judge him one bit despite what he had been told.

Neji told him about how he hated Shino for years for taking Tenten away from him and how he then grew to love the man like a brother when they went to war. He told him how devastated he felt when he found out about his death. He told him how relieved he felt when the thought of having Tenten for himself again crossed his mind every time he saw her and how disgusted he felt with himself when he realized what he had been thinking. He told him how he had a girlfriend and how guilty he felt whenever he was anywhere near Tenten since he still loved her. He told him about how he didn't think he could love Kin until he got rid of his feelings for Tenten, and how hard he thought that would be and how long he thought it would take, and that he wasn't sure she would wait that long. He told him who all doesn't know about his illness…and he felt his heart sink when he reached his girlfriend, but couldn't bring himself to tell her when she seemed to be so happy thinking that he was normal. He told him everything…and all Lee did after was sit there staring into blank space.

After some time of their uncomfortable silence, he opened his mouth as if he was going to speak, but stopped and sighed. He placed a hand on his forehead then looked back up and faced Neji bravely. "I…I am no doctor, Neji." He finally started. "I can tell you what I think…but I cannot guarantee that my…idea on the situation will be the right one."

"I'd rather here bullshit than silence, Lee." Neji stated simply. "I don't care if you don't think your guidance will help. I just want to know…to… you know, build on it."

Lee nodded then turned to face the park again. The sky, by now, was slowly starting to lighten as if the sun was coming up, and the cool air of fall was starting to get a little warmer as compared to the previous feelings. It was past midnight. Well past midnight to be exact, and he was sure that the people calling him were worried beyond control and were looking for him by now, however, beside him, was a friend, a normally controlled friend who openly admitted to him – not to Tenten or his cousins or his doctor, but him – that he was not happy, that he wanted help, and to him, that mattered more.

"I think…" Lee started, "that you should do what you want. I think you should stop worrying about everyone else's problems until you can get a hold of your own problems yourself. It's not safe, Neji, for you to be this distraught over people and things you can't control. It will only make your stress and your…what's the word…anxieties…worse."

"So you're saying that I should just drop everything not involving myself."

"No." Lee answered. "Good God, no. What I'm saying is that…everyone else's worries shouldn't come before your own. You need to make yourself happy before you can make others happy." He turned to him with a smile after having found out where he was trying to go with his advice. "Do you understand?"

Neji nodded, feeling slightly better after he talked to Lee, but not enough to actually feel content again.

"Again, I'm no doctor." Lee disclaimed as he held his hands up and stood. He stretched when he spoke again, making his voice sound strained under the elongation of his body, "but that's what I think. If – if all else fails then go to your doctor. Ugh!" He yelled as he moved back into a normal position and reached down to take Neji's hand. "Anyways, wanna' go for a jog. It is morning after all, and it'll clear your mind to run with company, won't it?"

Neji smiled and took Lee's offer with a strong clasp. "Thank you, Lee."

"Anytime, Neji."

A comfortable silence built between them as they started walking along the path of the dimly lit park, where even the palest of people would be hard to find, and they both found peace in the sound of nature that they picked up. The crickets singing, and the night birds chirping was a comforting factor to the both of them and brought a somewhat restful attitude about them. Neji, who had been having a hard time sleeping for the past week or so, was the one feeling the effect the most. He yawned here and there as they walked, and he stretched a little as well, making Lee yawn too which brought small smiles to the both of them as they moved along, coming closer to the spot where they started at.

"So what happened between you and Sakura?" Neji asked, breaking the silence. He turned to the man when he heard no response then fixed him with a questioning look that matched his. "I vaguely remember you saying that you might have accidentally slept with her one night when you two got drunk."

"Ah!" Lee started. He faced forward again and sighed before moving to tie his bangs out of his face. When he was done his hands dropped lifelessly beside him, swinging as if they couldn't control themselves underneath earth's gravity, and he was sighing once more. "She…doesn't remember either."

"Hm?"

"Well…" Lee added, having grown accustomed – much like Tenten had – to his many "hm" answers, "She doesn't normally sleep naked unless it gets hot. She said she wakes up in the middle of the night sometimes to strip out of her clothes if she gets too hot in her room…but it was chilly that morning. I remember because I was extra sensitive cause of the booze, and she said that she didn't feel, well, anything really, but she's been avoiding me lately and –"

"She's always been avoiding you."

"Shut up! Anyways, she's been avoiding me lately, and not like she usually does. This time it's so blatantly obvious that it kind of hurts a little."

"So what do you think happened?" Neji asked.

"…I think…and god forbid this actually happened, but I think that we might have actually had sex that night." He answered with a slight blush once he got to the last part. "I mean…I think she's trying to forget or make it seem like she doesn't remember to kind of push me away since I would –"

"Try and take responsibility." Neji finished with a shake of his head. "For someone who doesn't like you in the way you want her too, she sure does know a lot about you."

Lee smiled then laughed a little before he waved Neji off. "Don't try and get my hopes up, Neji. I know her just as well as she knows us. Sakura just got really into psychology when she was in college."

"How did you know that?"

"I wrote her a lot when I was in service."

"And she responded?"

Lee shrugged. "Probably because she didn't want to feel guilty for ignoring me least something bad happen to me."

"Like what?"

"Dying." Lee answered matter-of-factly. "That's a good example of 'something bad', huh?"

Neji shivered. Many times he had imagined his own death. Many times he woke from them while he was in service and now when he's out, and each of those times he felt a little more anxious. He often thought of the outcome of his death and each time it lead to Shino's survival, but never had he thought of Lee's death. Even after seeing him on one of the camp grounds he still couldn't imagine that Rock Lee would die so easily. But, he was human after all, and one well-placed bullet or other penetrating object could just as well end his life as it could Neji's or did Shino's.

"I forget that you're not superhuman." Neji mocked as he held himself, trying to calm down the shivers whether they be from the previous statement or the cold air he couldn't tell though.

"As I do you, Neji." Lee smiled. He clapped Neji on the back hard before he started jogging ahead of him, turning only to see if he would follow. "You coming?" He questioned. "Or am I running alone?"

"I'm coming. I'm coming." Neji complained as he gave his tired limbs a push, cringing at the protesting burn that followed.

The silence that hit them was unbearable he found. Sitting about him were the once jolly men of Shino's brigade. Not long ago they were singing happy birthday to him after bounding and gagging him, and now they were sitting solemnly next to one another as if they were strangers.

The plane shook and beside him Gospel cursed and started praying. Across from them the usually rowdy Firework was as silent as a church mouse, making everyone else just as warry. When they had taken off everyone was in such high spirits, spouting about wanting to "kick some ass" and "tearing through the battlefields" and such, but now, now that they were growing closer to the battle grounds, hardly anyone was saying anything. Even if they did, their voices would be drowned out from the sound of bombs exploding in the distance. Such horrendous sounds made everyone, Neji included, shiver in fear.

That was when he stood. Standing there, taller than all that sat hopelessly, he looked like an angel of some sort, one that calmed the growing storm that was building in the space where they all sat.

"Alright boys." He, Shino, said. "Out there…is the enemy. They are our enemy, and likewise, we are theirs. Do you know what that means?"

No one said anything.

"That means," Shino continued, "That they will more than likely shoot you regardless of whether or not you shoot them. They may be humans, but they are doing the same thing you will be doing to them and that is killing other humans. Out there, it's kill or be killed…Now, I would like to have a perfect return from you guys, but that's…that's unrealistic. Not every one of you are going to come back alive or at all, understand?"

Neji heard everyone gulp and started struggling at toning out Gospel's prayers that seemed to grow louder with the upcoming information, and couldn't help but feel swept away with the rest of the crowd as fear set in. What if he died out there? Would they even be able to recognize him? Right. That's why they have tags; in case the body won't be recognizable. But would that happen to him? Could that happen to him?

"I was never really…good…at public speaking and, um, cheering people up."

"No shit." Neji unintentionally said aloud, making the people around him laugh.

Shino shot him a look then smiled seeing as he was caught after all before his face fell and he turned and faced the giant door before him. "Ain't it good to risk your life for your country boys?" He asked.

At that, Gospel looked up from his praying, a dastardly smile spreading across his face before he chuckled out the last thing anyone expected him to say:

"Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge
Till on the haunting flares we turned our backs
and towards our distant rest began to trudge."

Neji smiled, instantly recognizing the poem as it was one Shino loved to read to them every night at the end of their training. He looked up then and smiled a genuine one, catching most everyone off guard before he continued the poem, skipping most of it:

If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs,
Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable scores on innocent tongues –

Another man interrupted him, a man who most of them hardly recognized due to his soft spoken voice and slender build regardless of what he ate or how hard he trained – they called him Sticks – and finished what he was saying:

My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
to children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est
Pro patria mori,

"Alright I get it!" Shino yelled back, smiling in annoyance. "I shouldn't have read that depressing poem all the time, but hell, it's good and it's true!"

"Understood, Sir." Neji mocked, saluting and causing the whole of the plane to erupt in laughter again.

"Shut up and get ready, maggots!" Shino yelled once more, completely irritated now. "We're landing."

They stood, and Neji's eyes stung when the light from the battle ground shinned in on them, hitting them directly in the eyes.

"Let's give 'em hell!" Shino yelled, and behind him, everyone rushed on the battle field, yelling or not making a sound, trying to reach the safe zone as fast as possible and without getting hit.

"Don't forget to say goodbye!" Shino yelled as he ran a head of them, waving them on further into the battlefield.

He didn't know how she managed to convince him to go with her to Korea, but he instantly regretted it when he approached the private plane her uncle prepared for her. One look at the thing and he was instantly feeling the same surge of adrenaline rush through him as it once did when he was at war. But Kin, happy little Kin, was the least bit bothered by the idea of flying or his discomfort as well. Hell, she was all but ecstatic about the whole situation. After all, she was with him and the cameras behind them were erupting at such a fast pace that they were sure to be able to do a motion book of them walking up the stairs with the combined effort.

"Why did I have to come again?" Neji sighed as he sat across from her. "It hasn't even taken off and I'm already feeling tired and worked up."

"Because you're my super generous boyfriend who happens to speak Korean fluently.

"Isn't that what you're translator is for?"

She turned to the woman who was sitting in the aisle across from them then smiled her way, waving in that girly way that irritated him for some reason. "She's just here to enjoy herself."

"What?!"

"Come on, Neji. This was literally the perfect opportunity. We haven't been able to see each other for some time let alone talk to one another for long because of work but now I can mix work and play together in one trip."

He sighed, not able to fight that argument since she was right. They had been apart for some time now, and, judging by the way she acted towards him when she finally saw him again, she was the kind of person that needed constant attention showered on her to feel satisfied. So, basically, she was deprived of that attention because of work. It probably bothered her more than it did him since he didn't need the same amount of attention as she did. One short call was enough for him. Even so, he decided to go along with her wanting's not only to satisfy her needs but to position himself from Tenten for a while.

It had been about two days since he handed Katsurou back to his mother and had that lengthy conversation – and run – with Lee, and he had done little to nothing when it came to leveling his feelings towards Tenten. In the span of him stating that he was going to give up on her, he went to see her or hear her voice six times. Once was inevitable since he had Katsurou, but he counted it since he was unconsciously getting closer to her while she was there. Two other times happened the day after when he called to talk to Katsurou for about ten minutes until he had to go back to doing his homework and he was left with Tenten on the other side of the line…so he spent the rest of the two hours talking aimlessly with her. The third time he visited, since he had nothing better to do, and helped Katsurou with his homework until he finished. He then played with him till he was tired and put to bed, after that he spent the rest of the night talking with Tenten about anything – Shino, their marriage, the animals Katsurou likes, the animals they liked, their childhood memories – until about 3 in the morning when she realized that she had work in the morning and actually bothered to check the time. The other three times were just like the last two times listed, and he felt guilty each and every time he got home and remembered his ever busy girlfriend. It was because of this that he left with her to South Korea.

"This will be fun. I promise." Said kin as she smiled at him. "We can talk and catch up in-between shoots and go get lunch somewhere when I have a break." She smiled and started squealing happily, confusing Neji enough to make him fix her with a stern look that she ignored. "This will be SO much fun!"

He smiled, happy that she was happy even before he had the chance to make her so, then sat back and tried to get comfortable as the plane started taking off. He knew better than to get too comfortable though, least he have another episode if something unexpected happened, but he still allowed himself some peace at least.

"You've rode on a plane before, right Neji?" Kin asked as she looked out the window. The way the morning sun hit her face made Neji swallow in an attempt to cam himself down. After all, she was beautiful, and it had been a while since he last saw her up close. She turned to him, snapping him out of his admiring mode, then smiled brightly when he nodded his answer.

"Yes." He stated. "I have."

"I figured as much. How was it? Was it any different than this one?"

Neji sighed. He knew that she would eventually get curious of his experience in the army. Everyone did, even strangers and non-strangers – like Tenten and Ino – but every time he found himself having to speak to someone about his time in the force, he found that his anxieties were starting to grow more and more sensitive. Could it be possible that he was sensitive to that part of his past too? When did he get so weak?

"It was completely different from what I'm experiencing now." He feigned a smile as he spoke and looked out the window. "First off there were no windows and there were gunshots and bombs going off in the background instead of this…silence."

That stifling silence.

"Well," she started smugly as she sat back in the chair. "Doesn't this feel better? There's practically nothing to worry about on regular planes. Especially not getting shot down or anything like that."

"Hn." Neji answered unconsciously. He heard Kin protest to his answer, heard her complain for a short while about how he needed to fix that since it was annoying, but he didn't really process the information at all. All he could think about was how loud his heartbeat was and how deafening it all seemed. He felt his hands sweat little by little, but he tried his hardest to forget it all, to force the pain back as far as possible. However, that proved to be harder done than said. Because Neji hated planes.

About the only times where he wasn't nauseous or uncomfortable on a plane was before he was in the army, and the first time he ever rode one while in service as well. After that, a very strong fear of flying began to accumulate from within him. It happened when his plane was shot down. There were a few people still in it, waiting their turn to head down, and there were about three people going down at that moment – one of them being him – when the plane beside them, the one that only got about half of their people out, was shot down, exploded right in front of their eyes.

There was screaming, hundreds of voices falling into the water hoping to calm the flames that hugged their bodies, burning their flesh from their skin, and gurgling as the blood that poured into most of their lungs drowned them from the inside out, while the majority of the people fell and died with the plane that crashed not too far from shore. Neji and his people barely had enough time to react themselves when another rocket came hurdling their way. He only had enough time to let go before he saw the plane above him explode on impact and the flames fall beside him. When he hit the water, he was sure he broke some ribs or a finger or two, but he stayed down anyways and swam away, coming up only for air and to see where the rest of his comrades had landed.

But what he saw instead…was something horrific.

"Neji!" Kin called, bringing him back to reality with a jolt.

He turned to her, confusion clearly died on his face before he nodded, signaling that he was listening. "What's up?" He asked as he felt his heart rate slow and his hands grow cold from the sweat that started to dry.

"You weren't listening to anything I was saying, were you?"

"Um…no. No I was not listening. Sorry."

"Ugh!" She complained. "Never mind then."

He thought to say something to her to get her to repeat what she was saying, but he found that his mind had yet to clear up since he left it to its own devices not too long ago, so he decided to let her pout while he looked outside the window and refused to think about anything that made him remember.

"Dulce et decorum est." He whispered, instantly failing in his task.

Sticks was dead. If it wasn't the fire that was still engulfing his whole body that killed him, than it was the pole that unfortunately impaled him when he jumped from the plane in some attempt to get to the waters.

However, he wasn't the only one who had died. Another soldier, Yamahiro Akira, the only female in their team, was also dead. She landed safely though. In fact, she was beside Neji when they reached the shore. She was the one that pulled him along after he was in shock from seeing Sticks' skewered body the moment he rose from the waters, but she was dead now.

Because all it took was one perfectly placed bullet directed at her left eye to lay her flat on the ground, dead, with not a thought left to her.

And from that day on…Neji hated planes.