Authors Note: Okay, I know that this chapter is short(again) but theres like a follow on thing, and if I had added that, it would have been too long then. So- I had a bit of unexpected inspiration yesterday whilst watching the 4th HP film. But that bit's the next chapter to be honest. Thought I'd have like a bridge thing before that with an idea I got from writing in my diary. So- try and enjoy:))
Chapter 21- Letters
In the morning, I left all of them in the house and went for a walk around the streets- remembering the place from when I lived with Danny and Sirius. I went to a bench that I was familiar with, and thought of the conversations that I had had with Hermione, Harry and Ron last night. We had discussed where we should go next on the search for Horcruxes. That was when Harry had brought up the fact that he wanted to go to Godrics Hollow.
I had frozen when the name of that village came out of his mouth. There was no way that I would go back there willingly. I had refused without a second thought, earning me confused looks from Harry and Ron.
Hermione had saved me yet again. She told them that I was refusing because Voldemort could be waiting for Harry. I added the mental note just as Bellatrix was waiting for me. Harry couldn't ignore that so the subject was changed.
I just couldn't go back there. I couldn't. The last two times I had visited Godrics Hollow, there had been a death caused by me. Bathilda's and then - then there was Dannys.
I don't know how much longer I can go without revealing my true identity. It's killing me not being able to tell my brother about myself. I know that Harry doesn't trust me, and I can see why. What I say seems to be dodgy- even to me! It's because I didn't plan anything. I was so naïve- I didn't think that it would be this hard. When I say things impulsively that don't fit in with my story- there's no way of getting out of them. I don't know what I would do without Hermione.
It seems to me that I have always needed someone to be there, helping me along, preventing me from making mistakes. There was Isabelle, Dumbledore, Danny and now there's Hermione. Why can't I take being alone? What is wrong with me? I don't know what I did for the first time after Danny had died. I couldn't cope so I-
This brought something to my brain. I pulled out the small red notebook I had in my pocket, which I had forgotten was there. I opened it and started looking through the tear-stained pages. I had forgotten about this notebook after Dumbledores funeral, yet before then I couldn't go without writing in it.
The notebook was my letters to Danny. Yes- I know- he's dead, right? But that doesn't mean I can't tell him what's been happening. It was my way of closure, I suppose. Thinking for about ten minutes that I was talking directly to him. As soon as I put pen to paper, I felt a sense of release that I was not used to. I wrote.
Dear Danny,
If you could see me now, I'm not sure if you'd be proud or angry. I suppose you'd be proud of me for dealing with situations like that bitch Rita Skeeter. I was proud of myself. But I know I have let you down by letting Bathilda die. But.. Um- I'm not quite sure how I could have prevented it though. I suppose I shouldn't have gone to Godrics Hollow cause I knew that it was dangerous. But I couldn't help it. I've told you this before- when you were alive. Just before you died, you asked me 'what were you doing coming here?' and I replied, 'I couldn't help it.' I don't know what it is about that place.
You'd be hopping mad if you had found out that I have now spoken to my brother. I can imagine your reaction and I already feel like a naughty child. It's maddening. You did a lot to keep me away from this situation but what can I say? I'm bloody lonely without you.
I just wish it could be like the way it was before, when you were alive. I never really knew what I had till it was gone. God, I sound so clichéd. But times were fun back then, even if other times were dark.
You know, last night, I had a dream about when we went to the Yule Ball together, when Harry was in fourth year, do you remember? …Of course you do. You were there.
Anyway. that's all I had to say really. To be honest, I'm not really sure what to write anymore, so I guess this notebook is working. I love you, goodbye,
Rosexxx
I read over the letter, then put the notebook back in my pocket and leant back on the bench, thinking about the memory of the Yule Ball…
Did you enjoy it??? Hope you did:) I won't update the next one for a little bit cause I'm not too happy with my rough outline of the next chapter. When I'm happy, you will know about it- shouldn't be TOO long though:)) Bye:P