Chapter 21

February 20, 2012

Castle worried that Kate would not have the energy to transform into 'Detective Beckett' for their meeting with Danberg. The morning had been intense, and while she hadn't panicked or shown any signs of severe respiratory distress, she was flagging. To keep the day low-key he suggested that they read some books that he was supposed to endorse.

He brought a few to the lounge, sat on one end of the couch and put a pillow on his lap to once again test the 'pillow lure.' Kate sat then twisted herself to lie down and Castle noticed that she winced just barely. Her motions remained smooth as she placed her head on the pillow and stretched so her feet hung over the armrest.

Before he picked up the books he scraped his fingers through her hair and asked tentatively, "Are you still in pain?" He realized that he hadn't asked her in months because she hadn't given him any cause for concern. Now he wondered if she had a better poker face than he'd thought.

"It's not so much pain as twinges sometimes. There are nerves in my side that didn't heal properly, but it's not anything to worry about. Considering all I went through, the permanent damage is minor."

Seeing the regret in his eyes, she took his hand in hers and gently placed it on her shirt over the scar on her side. "Castle, I promise that I'm okay now."

"I hadn't realized how long the incision on your side was until . . ."

"Until you saw it when I changed in Lanie's van."

He nodded. "Yeah, I uh, hadn't expected you to be shirtless."

"I could tell." She gave a tight smile remembering her embarrassment at him seeing her scarred, shivering body. "It wasn't much of a look even though I know you're curious."

She lifted his hand; rolled on her side then with her other hand she edged up the side of her shirt slowly then replaced his hand directly on her skin. The whole time they kept their eyes locked.

Kate assured him, "You know I'm damaged, but you should probably know exactly what you're signing up for." She had said it evenly, but he heard the underlying shame at what she viewed as a gross imperfection. His gaze wandered to the thin white scar that lined her ribs. His fingers ran the length of it, and she sensed the ghost of a touch through her flawed skin.

"Does it hurt when I touch it?"

"No. In fact there's a numb patch on the skin around the scar so I don't feel much of anything there."

"Can you feel this?"

"Sort of. I can feel the pull of the healthy skin around it." He edged his fingers half an inch to the side. "I can feel that." He ran the pads of all his fingers up and down her side. She twitched and he withdrew his hand in an instant.

"I'm so sorry!"

She laughed, "No, Castle, I'm ticklish, always have been."

"Ahhh, good to know." She glared up at him in warning. "No worries, I'm on my best behavior today, I'll just file that information away for later."

Despite her assurances he was hesitant to touch her again. She placed his hand back over the scar and pinned it against her side for emphasis, "Castle, you won't hurt me."

"I guess I don't quite trust myself."

"I trust you."

His thumb swept back and forth over her ribs as his palm covered the scar.

"I always thought scars were fascinating."

"Must be related to that murder fixation you have."

He shook his head, "No, it's more due to my creative interests. Scars add depth to a person's character. They reveal strength, resilience . . . those superhuman qualities that have always appealed to me. It is no secret that you are a beautiful woman, Kate, but this . . ." He grazed the back of his fingers down the scar, "will always be evidence of how much more there is to you than what others see. I'm honored you showed it to me."

She had braced herself to endure polite commentary on how the scar wasn't so bad, but what she got instead had her close to tears. She turned her face into the pillow, needing to hide just how affected she was by his admiration. She willed herself not to lose it yet a hitched breath still escaped.

With his other hand Castle carded soothing fingers through her hair.

"Kate, never be ashamed of what you've survived."

Unable to form a coherent reply and feeling completely overwhelmed, she curled her legs and shifted on the pillow so she faced his stomach. She closed her eyes and focused on feeling the contrast of numbness and pinpoint sensations as his hand graced the skin on her ribs.

She drifted to sleep finally feeling healed.

The author in him knew that he was romanticizing, but he thought she looked more serene than she had in the past year, or possibly since he'd met her. He didn't want to end the intimate contact with that part of her precious skin so he lingered, careful not to tickle her awake with any sweeping movements. He let the warmth of her skin seep into his hand as a confirmation that they had both survived, scarred but stronger for it. She curled tighter for warmth so he tugged her shirt down and covered her with a throw blanket from the back of the couch. He resumed running his fingers through her hair as he picked up Alex Conrad's newest novel.

Before he knew it hours had passed and the front door opened. Alexis quietly walked into the room and pressed a kiss to her dad's hair. She saw his partner asleep in his lap and whispered, "Hey, Dad."

"Hey, Sweetheart. Everything okay?"

"Yeah, I just spent the morning in the library then went to my class. Everything okay here?"

"Yeah." Her eyes flitted to Kate then back to her dad, who couldn't suppress a giddy smile.

"Do I even want to know?"

"Probably not, but she kissed me."

His daughter eyed him with an odd expression.

"I guess I'd assumed that you'd already ticked that box. Wait, is that a good idea? I mean given . . ." she shrugged towards Kate's obviously compromised physical state.

"Closed mouth. Not to worry."

She pressed her palm into her forehead, "Eew, TMI, Dad. No visuals, please. You really need some friends. There are certain things that you really shouldn't share with your daughter."

"I have friends."

"Yeah, but ones that might as well be your girlfriend's brothers don't count. They're more likely to punch you than give you a high five."

"Point taken."

She leaned down and hugged her dad's neck, "But I am happy for you, Dad."

"Thanks."

"I know I've been gone a lot, but Morgan needs help with calculus and her mom invited me to dinner. I think I'll just sleep there tonight since they live closer to the 12th and I have a shift tomorrow."

"That's fine." He paused then added, trying to sound nonchalant, "Just so you know, Kate's planning on heading home tomorrow."

"Oh. I didn't think about her leaving, especially so soon. Is she okay to be on her own? More to the point, are you okay to be on your own?"

He gave her a knowing look, "It wouldn't be my preference, but she has her own place and she's perfectly capable of taking care of herself. She'll still be around a lot, I hope."

"Yeah, and who knows, in another four years maybe you'll be kissing with tongue!"

Castle reached behind him with his free arm and made a pathetic effort to grab his child, "Watch your six, Red Shirt!"

Alexis, trying to contain her whispered giggles, ran up the steps to her room.