BPOV

It took me a few moments to understand what was going on. Clarke? Clarke was here? I instantly took my arm off Emily, not able to do anything more that that. I couldn't believe my eyes. I looked at Octavia, trying to find anything to help me get control, as I seemed to be in some sort of shock. She smiled approvingly, as if telling me that it wasn't a dream. That was all I needed. I looked her way again, and she was still there. Clarke.

Clarke was alive. Here, with me. I ran to her, not bearing to wait a second more that I had to. She stood in her place, and looked at me with the smile of hers that I missed so much. The smile that she had when I did something that made her happy.

When I reached her I just stood there, dumbfounded. We were both speechless. There were so many things I wanted to do, so many things I wanted to ask her. I didn't know where to start. So instead I did nothing. I just looked at her, taking in every detail as I regretted not doing when I thought she was dead. All that horrible time on the ark came back to me. All that grief amplified my happiness when I saw her. All those things I thought I'd never get to do became possible. I could finally tell her everything I wanted to. So why couldn't I get a single word out of my mouth?

"Hey," She said, just as awkwardly as I must've looked. That broke whatever it was that held me back. As if my mind needed to hear her voice to know it was her. To know this wasn't the picture that I'd been looking at every night since she'd left me. I felt tears run down my cheek as I gathered her in my arms and held her as if my life depended on it. She quickly did the same, and that felt more amazing than I ever thought it would. I couldn't remember the last time I was that happy. But whenever that time was, I could've sworn it was with her.

"How is this possible?" I said as I wiped the tears away, certain that none will come in the foreseeable future. Not when I had her by my side.

"Mount weather," she said. "They tried their treatments on me, and it worked." A horrible realization came to mind.

"All this time.. You were here? Alive?" She nodded. "God," I said as I pulled her to me again. "I can't believe this.. All this time.. How did you survive here all alone?"

I heard her voice as she answered, and It was muffled because she put her mouth against my chest, just as she always did when I hugged her and she cried. "I wasn't alone. I'll tell you everything once we settle down."

I kissed the top of her head, and rubbed her back with my hand. I didn't know what I did to deserve that. "I have missed you so much Clarke. You have no idea how.."- I stopped as I abruptly remembered the world around me. More specifically, I remembered what I've been doing for the past eight months. Emily.

I immediately took a few steps back, and she was surprised by the sudden movement. If what I'd felt that moment was only guilt, that would've been manageable. But what went through my head in that moment was so much more than that. I didn't love Emily, but I liked her. I thought she'd help me move on. I knew I had to get on with my life and figured that after more than four years, it was okay for me to try and be with someone else. And then Clarke was back.

And not only was she mad at me, but I also missed my chance with her. She'd never be with me after she saw me with Emily. I've ruined everything that I wanted so bad with my own two hands. That felt horrible. To know that she was here, and that we could've been together, like I've always wanted, and we wouldn't be because I decided to move on. I couldn't blame myself for that, I had no way to know that she was alive. But irony had shown its ugly face to me, and it was devastating.

"I thought you were dead, Clarke. I'm so sorry I... I thought you were gone.."

"Hey," She said as she moved closer to me and cupped my face in her hands. "It's okay, I understand. I told you to move on."

"You're not mad?" I asked. I wanted to wait with the relief to the moment I was sure it was justified, and would be long lasting.

"No, of course not. I couldn't possibly be angry with you when I.." She stopped abruptly as she realized what she was going to say. Then, seemingly getting over the fear of continuing, she did. "When I did the same thing."

"You were with someone else?" I couldn't help but be a little angry. I thought she was dead, what was her excuse?

"I waited for you for five years, Bellamy. I really did. And I wanted you to come back more than anything. But then, on the day that you were supposed to come back, you didn't. And something exploded in the sky, I assumed it was you." That was so hard for her to admit. Seeing her like that, feeling guilty and regretful, made all my anger melt away. I talked softly, trying to assuage her guilt a little bit.

"We tried to return, but Sinclair got some of the calculations wrong, and we couldn't. That took a lot of energy, and it took us three months to produce more."

"I'm sorry," She said, and I could sense how much she meant it. "If I'd known.."

"I know." I said. "Who is it?"

She looked at Lexa with what seemed to be both guilt and admiration. So apparently my feelings back in the day weren't completely unjustified. I took a little pride in that. It was wrong, but I didn't care.

A silence filled the air again. I wasn't like before, when we had no words in the face of what we both thought was impossible and had secretly wished for. We weren't too overwhelmed to react. This time, we didn't know what to do. How to go on. What could we possibly do when we've both moved on?

"So now what?" Did she think I had all the answers? Because I had none.

"I like Emily," I said, and before the pain from that statement flooded her, I continued to the important part. "But one word from you and I.. I mean.. You're you." I hadn't realized that was true until I said it. But it was. Of course I'd break up with Emily to be with her. I'd do much worse.

"I'd want nothing more than that." I smiled and reach for her, but she backed away. "But I can't." I didn't know what to feel by that point. That conversation had been too emotionally charged for me to be able to feel anything. "Why?"

"I can't do that to Lexa. I promised her that what I had with her was real. And it was. I can't just take that back the moment you arrive."

"Clarke, are you really going to let something like that stand between us? I've missed you more than I ever thought was possible. Nothing had been more painful than to lose you. And I know you felt the same. So now, that we finally have a chance to be together, you're gonna throw it away because of her?"

"She is important to me, Bellamy! I'm sorry for not being selfish enough to disregard her feelings like that!"

"Selfish?" I asked simply, not believing what I was hearing. This was absurd. She was acting insane. And she called me selfish, that was a low blow. I didn't wait for her to respond as I left. What the hell was she thinking? Calling me selfish?! I would've done anything for her, but she wasn't willing to make that small sacrifice to be with me. And I'm the selfish one?

I went back to Emily and gave her a long, passionate kiss. My eyes closed just a moment after they should have. That moment was enough to see the Clarke was watching. And it was just the right amount. I knew it was petty, but I was just so angry with her. I thought I could finally be with her after all that time, and she just crushed that dream, all the while pretending to be a martyr. But that moment was also not long enough for me to take a good look at her face. If I had, I would've seen pain on it, and the movement of her lips she made when she didn't want to cry. And that would've broken me. I pulled away to see a shocked Emily. She didn't understand what was going on, and truthfully, neither did I. Clarke had gone by then, I assumed to meet her mom.

The grounders have shown us to their home, which apparently was where Clake had lived all that time. Clarke told us all how she'd survived with a girl named Maddie, who I could tell she regarded us a daughter. That emphasized just how much happened these past five years. How much we've both changed. Maybe we weren't right for each other after all that time. Maybe it was for the best that she rejected me. Maybe we both belonged with other people.

One look at her as she was talking to Lexa proved all that to be bullshit. I loved her just as much as before, and my feelings for Emily were practically gone. I didn't break up with her, though. I stayed with her, both to ease my conscious and to give us a second chance. If Clarke didn't want to be with me, there was no reason for me not to move on completely. Well, no reason besides the fact that I knew Clarke was the only person I wanted to be with. The one person who could truly make me happy. I thought she felt the same but apparently, she didn't.

Coming back to earth had been so different than I'd expected. I didn't know what was coming, but with Clarke, anything was possible.