Naruto-Sensei
God forbid I ever own Naruto. I would ruin it with inconsistency of plot and/or my constant changing of subjects. By the way, the references made here could not be avoided. Watching a recent Disney film put me in a "gaming mood." I might do the bell test for this group later, or maybe the Wave Arc. I'm still undecided.
"There is no way, even on a cold afternoon in Suna, that I am going to train that brat!" Kakashi shouted, "He's arrogant, he only knows a handful of jutsus, he would be an irritating distraction on a mission due to his sole ambition, and his hair looks like a duck!"
With that, the one and only Copycat Kakashi stormed out of the assigning room. To say that the Sandaime was both irritated and confused would be an understatement. Kakashi's agreement was that, in exchange for retiring from the Anbu, he had the right to pass off one team of genin of his choosing, or he would be able to return to active duty in the Anbu. As such, Hiruzen found himself in the unpleasant position of having a new genin team ready without a sensei available. Who could he possibly appoint for the task of watching after Sasuke Uchiha, Sakura Haruno, and Yakumo Kurama? Everyone who immediately came to mind either had a team already or was Kakashi, who had just refused this team in no uncertain terms.
"Jiji, the desk for turning in completed mission statements was empty, so I came to give it directly to you," the youngest jounin in Konoha history said sheepishly, holding a blood soaked form in his hand, "I'm sorry about the blood, but I had to improvise a bit during the mission."
"Actually, I'm glad to see you, Naruto," Hiruzen smiled, glad that the village was a military dictatorship, as otherwise, he wouldn't have been able to make the blond a jounin, let alone a jounin sensei otherwise, "How would you like to get another step closer to your dream of becoming the Hokage after I step down?"
Naruto looked at the overly cheerful smile that was adorning his surrogate grandfather's face with unease. That was the smile that introduced him to Kakashi and Jiraiya. Even worse, it was the smile that introduced him to Maito Gai, who he was certain was certifiably insane. Fortunately for Naruto, however, he managed to keep Gai's attention directed at Kakashi. Having dealt with that smile so often by this point, Naruto sincerely doubted that he was going to enjoy what this smile entailed.
"He's late!" Sakura shouted to her two equally frustrated teammate, "Where could he be?"
"Maybe he's waiting for your shrieking to give out," Yakumo commented, smirking at the anger she provoked in the fangirl, "At any rate, I think I'm going to wake up Ido if he delays for much longer. She can play with him all she wants."
"I'll bet that would be an interesting sigh to see. Sorry I'm late, I wasn't told I was going to be coming here until a few minutes ago," a blond boy with blue eyes and whiskers on his cheeks and a camera strapped around his eye said.
"Who are you," Sasuke inquired, speaking for the first time since discovering who his teammates were. This boy could prove interesting.
"Naruto Uzumaki," the blond responded cheerfully, "I'm your new instructor, and this little device I have on my head should keep me safe from the supposedly excellent talent at genjutsu one of you possesses. Meet me on the roof."
"You can't be our new instructor!" Sakura shouted indignantly, convinced the boy was a fraud.
"Why not?" the boy asked in confusion, "I'm a jounin, and the Hokage assigned me to this team as an instructor."
"You couldn't be a jounin, you liar," Sakura said knowledgeably, "everyone knows that jounin are mature adults."
"Debatable, but, since I suppose you have yet to meet Gai or Kakashi, I guess your opinion can be forgiven," the blond said, pulling out each of their files, "How can the Kunoichi of the Year not be aware of the ability of the Hokage to promote anyone to jounin if they are acceptable for the job. Now, head upstairs, or I will come back down to get you, which will not be fun for anyone involved."
With that, the blond promptly vanished in a brilliant flash of yellow, presumably headed to the roof. With that, the genin headed upstairs, if only to see what this potentially mentally unstable boy would do next.
Once the trio got to the roof, they found the boy sitting there, reading a book called The Tale of the Utterly Gutsy Ninja by Jiraiya.
"It took you long enough," the blond quipped, "What, did they build a commissary down there and not tell me? At any rate, tell me all about yourselves. Names, hobbies, likes, dislikes, dreams... Pinky, you first."
"Could you give an example Sensei?" she asked, still not sure what to make of the bizarre boy.
"Alright," he shrugged with a bored expression, "My name is Naruto Uzumaki. I'm a gardener who likes ramen, dislikes all of you thus far, and dreams of you all passing the upcoming Chuunin Exams so I won't have to deal with you all again unless for a mission. Now, Pinky, what about you?"
"Um, I'm Sakura Haruno," she began, still trying to decide whether he was really their sensei, though she found it mildly believable when she thought of how a few famous shinobi got promoted, "I like..."she broke off into giggles while staring at the mildly unfazed Uchiha before continuing, "I dislike Ino, you, and liars. My dream..."
She gave out a shriek that strangely reminded Naruto a bit of a steam whistle. In response to this attack via soundwaves, Yakumo turned to the pink haired girl and flatly said, "I really do not like you at the moment. Do that again, and you'll be witnessing your worst nightmare for what will be the longest two hours of your life."
"Well, since you decided to speak up just now, why don't you go next, Inky?" the blond asked as he attempted to defuse the situation, tapping the camera on his head when she turned to look at him with a glare in her eyes and a plan to use her skill on him in her mind.
"I'm Yakumo Kurama, and I have an alternate personality named Ido, who I've recently made peace with," she said, thinking of all the horrors she'd eventually show this boy if he was lying to them, "I like painting and learning new things, especially in the field of genjutsu, as well as talking with Ido. I dislike you, the fangirl, and the emo, and people who try to harm me. I don't often dream, but my current one is to make Sakura stop making that shrieking sound by whatever means comes to mind. Also, to make Ido be able to have a real body so we can actually spend time together like normal people."
"Okay then," the blond said, smiling widely at the final member of the trio, "Blinky, it's now your turn to speak up."
"My name is Sasuke Uchiha," the last loyal Uchiha began, trying to weigh the responses of the boy in front of him to his statements, "I don't like much, and I don't dislike much. I have no hobbies to speak of. My dream, no, my ambition is to kill a certain man and revive the Uchiha clan."
"Ah, so you are fixated on your brother" the blond commented, "I thought Kakashi was exaggerating when he told me why he had the Hokage pass you three off onto me. Why don't you start with working on the revival thing first, since it will be a more fulfilling thing to do with your life than only ever seeking vengeance. Anyway, tomorrow I want all three of you meet me at Training Ground Seven at noon, and yes I will be on time, unlike a friend of mine. The three of you are going to take a test I'm going to administer in order to determine whether you are going to be a genin or you get sent back to the Academy."
"What?" Sakura asked, now certain that this boy, sensei or not, was crazy, "We already took a test."
"So taking another one shouldn't be protested so much," the blond responded with a strange smile, "According to a friend of mine who's given this test without ever passing a team, this test has a sixty-seven percent failure rate just so you know just what your odds are. Oh, and I'd recommend not eating anything for breakfast. You might throw up if you do."
"Don't worry, Clyde," Yakumo said, having picked up her possibly insane sensei's nicknaming choices, "We'll be there."
"Good," the blond said, throwing a three-pronged kunai that he pulled out of his pouch and threw right before vanishing in another yellow flash.