Blood.

The only thing her eyes could see was blood. So much blood.

The thick, red liquid swam from the room at the very opposite of the front door to the front door and outside. She breathed heavier as her body became colder and colder. She looked at the insane amount of blood, spilling like a stream everywhere her eyes could follow.

A swish of cold, harsh air attacked her soft face and a shiver ran up her spine, which was not because of the wind. Suddenly she felt nauseous, her eyes trailed the floor around her and only then she saw that she didn't catch the blobs of blood, spluttered outside the front gate as well, trickling slowly down the street. A painful gasp left her mouth and she moved her shaky hands to put her hair behind her ears that had landed right on her eyes, maybe in some way trying to protect her from seeing the nightmare she was in.

She gasped again and again until she felt completely out of breath. She tried to take in the fresh air but her whole body jammed. She felt like a fish out of water, struggling to stay put.

Blood..Robert.

The thought made her want to throw up. No, no, it can't be.

"Robert" she screamed but the voice came out shakier and screechier than before. She put her palms straight on the part of the floor that wasn't covered in blood and put her weight on them to stand up. She felt dizzy when she did and immediately grabbed the curtains on the window next to her. Her knees were still weak but she couldn't think about that.

"Robert.." she cried out, panicking as she finally ran further into the living room with all the energy she could muster. Her eyes filled up and she took labored breaths. She wanted to scream but her body wouldn't allow it. What was happening, where was Robert?

"Robert!" she screamed again, as the crying turned to sobs and her whole form shock. Anger, pain, tension, all these feelings consumed her whole. She wanted to slap herself because her voice didn't come out loud enough. She stood in the middle of the room, swaying gently as she looked around, blinking back the tears that blurred her vision.

The smell of the blood reminded her of the time she delivered Sybil. She almost died then. The blood here was more and everywhere, it was thicker and so much darker. It was everywhere and the sight made her body shake violently.

"Rob.." a thought crossed her mind, what if, God she hoped so…what if she was in the wrong house, what if, it was all a big misunderst-

The thought that calmed her down for quarter of a second immediately died when she turned around to look at the table next to the sofa. A small table only set with a small bowl of potpourri and her. Her picture. Her picture from a few months ago. Her heart couldn't take it. The pain shot through so severely that she could feel the throbbing of her heart that beat most abnormally, both in panic and pain. Her picture was there. This was Robert's house, he kept her picture and now he's not here. But his blood is. So much blood. She started feeling dizzy again and she pulled her hair in tension and frustration, scratching her scalp harshly, so that the pain in her heart dulled somehow. A sob of anger and pain shot right out of her throat.

"Robert!" this time she screamed out loud. The tears fell shamelessly down her cheeks as her mouth became drier and head spun like a merry go round.

Was he dead? Did someone shoot him? No, no, oh God no. She shook her head wildly and covered her mouth with her hand and set about pacing the room to look around. Her wobbly legs slowed her pace, adrenaline making her heart run faster and body slower.

"Robert… hello? Oh, God, please…. Robert?!" she cried out again, almost giving up and wishing she was dead at the moment when she saw a shadow emerge from up the stairs. She waited as the figure appeared before her in full form. A middle aged woman; with chestnut hair who looked just as freaked out as she was. She carried a carry bag with her.

"Hello..I..I, I am looking for-" she tried to speak between her cries when the woman looked at her for half a second and stilled her steps. Cora moved forward but the woman ignored her and ran down to a bedroom.

Cora observed for a moment and ran after her. She saw her fiddling with something in a wardrobe.

"What is going on?" Cora shouted but her shaky, scared voice gave her away. "Please, Ma'am.." but the woman kept fiddling through the wardrobe. She looked just as terrified which didn't help Cora's nerves. She was starting to freak out more.

Maybe she didn't understand English. Her German was poor.

"Ich suche..mann.. " she tried but it came out all broken. "Oh, for God's sakes please help me!" she cried out in front of her when the woman gently grabbed both of Cora's shoulders and stilled her swaying body. Her hold was gentle and somewhat comforting.

"Cora, we have to go now" she almost whispered and looked in her eyes deeply.

Cora breathed in and out two heavy breaths. "Where..what's going on?" she replied, somehow a little more calmer than before and surprised that the woman knew who she was.

The woman sighed and Cora was sure she saw a look of extreme tension and panic on her face. Cora wanted to cry. Would someone tell her what the hell was going on?

The woman blinked back her eyes that turned glassy and sniffed, putting a few things in the bag. "It burst" she said.

What, Cora thought. "What, what do you mean..what burst?"

The older woman looked at Cora once again and a look of absolute pity passed by her features. She realized then, that Cora didn't know anything.

"Oh dear" the woman whispered sadly and Cora wanted to bang her head against something. All this didn't help her and she started shaking again.

"He had an ulcer, a big one and it burst. I told him to tell you but…he is in surgery now. We don't know what will happen" her voice was kind but Cora felt like she had been thrown out of a cannon.

Cora was frozen to her steps, her body and breath all coming to a screeching halt. Robert had an ulcer?

Her mind went in thousand directions and she just wanted a moment to register all of it but that wasn't happening.

"Come on, we have to go now" the older woman took Cora's hand and dragged her out of the house. Cora abandoned her hand bag on a nearby sofa, the weight of it was draining her and she allowed that woman to drag her out. She didn't see where she took her, didn't see what was happening. She had her hand in the kind woman's hand and allowed her body to be dragged wherever she was taking it.

She couldn't say anything; all coherent thoughts escaped her mind. All she could see was that thick, dark blood each time she blinked her eyes. All she could think was that Robert had an ulcer. Robert had a dangerous enough ulcer that it burst. It burst when no one from his family was there for him. He was alone in a foreign land with foreign people when he spewed out ounces of blood, watching his life slipping out each time he coughed it out. He was ill, terribly ill and now he might die.

Everyone forgot about him. She forgot about him.

He went away and she forgot about him and now he's fighting for his life. A fight he might lose.

Cora walked in following the older woman, into a maze of hallways. She could faintly hear the announcements on speakers, calls for doctors. She passed by numerous men and women in white clothes, carrying charts and stethoscopes, all minding their own business. She walked and walked knowing that any moment she can be met with either of the two scenarios; he's alive and he'll be okay. He's dead and..and..

No. Even when she should be fully prepared, she couldn't bear the thought. Her hair was a mess, her face was pale, her body shook softly, her clothes were wrinkled, her lips desiccated, her eyes swollen, her white shirt caught a stain of red at the very edge, reminding her again and again of what a horrible sight she witnessed. With all this, she walked behind the short woman, bracing herself for what was to come.

"Mr. Carson" the lady said to a man who sat on a plastic chair outside a quiet operation theatre. Cora caught the red bulb shining brightly, an indication that the result was yet to come. She looked back at Mr. Carson, remembering faintly, Robert mentioning him in the email he sent her. The man was a bit chunky with strong features and broad shoulders. He sat fiddling with his hands when he heard the voice.

"Mrs. Hughes" he said, very relieved to see the woman, as he stood up. He carried the same haunted look on his face that both Cora and this, Mrs. Hughes had. Only then Cora saw Mr. Carson's hands. Faded red spots were all over it, front and back. Her eyes travelled to his light blue shirt that was soaked with water which was very obviously used to wash away the dark, big red patches of blood. Cora sighed shakily. Blood, again. Tears of guilt and pain threatened to fall down her eyes again and she wondered how she had the strength of stand.

"The doctors took him into surgery immediately, anything could happen, we shou-" Mr. Carson stopped talking when Mrs. Hughes candidly gestured with her eyes to look behind her. It was only when Carson saw a lady in white, who looked as if she had seen death, listening to his words cautiously.

"Mrs. Crawley" he said softly and nodded. Carson looked back at Mrs. Hughes again who shook her head in sadness to indicate that she didn't know and Cora spotted the same look of pity cross his features like she saw in Mrs. Hughes.

Carson took two cautious steps towards her, noticing her fragile, haunted state.

"We took him to the hospital immediately, Ma'am. We'll know more soon" he tried to give a faint smile and Cora could only nod. She chewed her bottom lip and looked down at the white floor, defeated. This was all so wrong, so, so wrong.

Carson took a seat at the far end of the line, leaving the woman to themselves. Mrs. Hughes must have felt that Cora was about to fall that she took her arm and helped her in a seat and sat next to her.

Minutes passed and Cora felt the lump in her throat grow as she stared at the red light, waiting for it to shut off.

She looked down at her shirt and took the edge in her fingers and examined it.

"Mrs. Hughes" she finally said "tell me"

Mrs. Hughes looked at her and sighed and then nodded. She told her how he first started having pains and how he kept delaying getting it checked and when he did, he requested treatments which were quicker and easier. She also told how he did well with his diet, although unhappily but still drank when he felt like it, that he was better at first and he also worked considerably less but that made him feel grumpy and useless. She told how they all overlooked because he hid it quiet amazingly and then it all just build up and he was careless with his medication which resulted in the ulcer bursting. Cora listened to her intently, silently unsurprised by his stubborn nature and how he always neglected his health. It all sounded like Robert. But what kept firing up the pain in her heart was the fact that she wasn't here to help him through, to meet him fifty fifty. If she had been here or any of the girls or Ros, even Bates, this wouldn't have happened. But it wasn't their fault, was it? Robert was her responsibility. He was her husband! He still is and she allowed this to happen. First she dragged him away and now she allowed him to play with his life.

Cora brushed away a few stray tears when Mrs. Hughes finished. She let out a shaky sigh and asked "Today" she looked at the red bulb "What happened today?"

Mrs. Hughes shut her eyes still horrified to think of it all as she narrated the incident.

"What about you, Robert? Where do you prefer?...Robert?"

They both looked at Robert with concern as his face went pale and he felt claustrophobic.

"Sir, are you alright?"

"Robert, is everything okay?"

"I.." Robert took a deep breath and stood up "Because, I…I am so sorry, I.." he clutched the side of his tummy while the other two stared at him, awaiting what was about to happen next and soon, it did.

Robert felt something grow heavier in his tummy, like an ocean swaying inside his stomach. He tried to breathe in the sensation when the heaviness erupted, traveling to his throat, he felt something thick and metallic coming up his mouth, the taste all too awful. His legs became weak when he spewed out a thick, dark vomit of blood. His mouth burned as he kneeled forward towards the table, his hands clumsily grabbing the table cloth.

"Ahh" Mrs. Hughes screamed at the sight before her, before jumping out of her seat. Her hand covered her mouth. Mr. Carson equally shocked, frozen to his movements.

Robert felt unstable and felt another wave of nausea when once again, blood spewed out his mouth, this time a little lighter than before.

Carson stood up and Mrs. Hughes tried to walk properly but her legs gave her away. Robert lost his balance and landed right on the floor. Both Carson and Mrs. Hughes hurried towards him. Carson placed a napkin under his mouth as Mrs. Hughes tried to open his top buttons on his shirt. In less than a minute, Carson and Mrs. Hughes were both covered in blood.

"I'll call the ambulance" Carson said, running to get his phone.

"Robert, stay still, don't move. The ambulance will be here" Mrs. Hughes said, trying to keep her voice calm.

Robert mumbled some words but Mrs. Hughes couldn't understand them. The ambulance was taking ages so Carson and Mrs. Hughes decided to take him to the hospital themselves. The both held Robert up, a task in which they were failing. But they were scared half to death which made their movements clumsy. On the way to the door, Robert vomited more blood twice, the floor covered in blood that was more than willing to swim all over the living room. But that didn't matter, what mattered was Robert and they were afraid he was going to be unconscious. Both red faced Carson and Mrs. Hughes with red faced Robert for an entirely different reason, struggled towards the door when they heard the sirens of an ambulance. True enough, it was here two seconds later and the men from the hospital put him on a stretcher and in the ambulance, faintly saying that his ulcer had burst.

"You go" Mrs. Hughes told Carson. "I'll get some things for him and come at once"

Carson nodded and jumped in the ambulance as Mrs. Hughes rushed to her house to change into something less fancy and unstained with blood. And five minutes later, she headed for Robert's house.

"So, this was it" she said looking at Cora "and then you came"

Cora put her face in her hands and rested her elbows on her thighs. She wished she was here earlier, she wished that he didn't got ill, she wished she never let him come to Germany, she wished that she never let him go. She was so stupid, so stupid and selfish. This was Robert. Her Robert, her husband, her best friend, her love.

An overwhelming feeling shot up her heart and she wanted to scream. He could die now. He would die knowing that his family didn't knew, that his family didn't care. That she didn't care. And that was wrong, all so, so wrong. Because she did. She did, so much because she was his friend, his companion, the mother of his children, his wife of three decades. She cared because she was the love of his life and he..he was hers.

Before she could think much on it the doors to the operation theatre opened revealing Doctor Burke. He took off his mask as Cora, Carson and Mrs. Hughes all stood up, ready to take in the news.

They waited as he took the mask off and Cora wanted to slap him, can't he see she's dying? She's desperate. She lost him once because she pushed him away to another country, no matter what Robert said, she felt and she knew it was her fault. And now she might lose him again and this time forever and then she will forever hate herself because she let it happen, she let him go through this. She should have known, Robert needed her, he always needed her, like she needed him but she was so blind. And now he will die not knowing how sorry she was, sorry for being so stupid and blind. How she ached for his forgiveness. He would die knowing Cora Crawley just wanted to be rid of him. If this happens, she won't be able to live with herself.

"He's stable now, he'll live"

The five words allowed the jammed circulatory system of her body to resume work. She sighed in reply and shut her eyes. He was going to be okay. Robert will be okay. Tears of joy escaped her eyes and she wanted to hug the Doctor. "It had gotten big and he had not been taking his medicines and missed on his appointments but you two.." he looked at Carson and Mrs. Hughes "you two brought him here on time"

Carson and Mrs. Hughes smiled and Mrs. Hughes said a prayer in thanks.

"Is he conscious?" Carson asked.

"Not yet, we'll stitch and clean him up and he'll be gone for a few hours. We'll shift him to a room soon and make a file, then you can meet him and even take him home tomorrow, but we will keep him overnight"

"Thank you" Cora spoke for the first time since the doctor came out, still grasping the fact that he was okay. That he will be okay. "Thank you, so much, doctor" The doctor smiled as he went back to the theatre.

Cora wiped away her tears and looked at Carson and Mrs. Hughes "And you two" she took Mrs. Hughes hand and looked at Carson with teary eyes and a genuine smile "Thank you, both of you, I cannot ever repay what you two have done for me and my family. I am so grateful to you. If you both hadn't been there, God knows.." she stopped, the words coming to a halt and being replaced by tears. She covered her mouth as she felt Mrs. Hughes squeeze her hand.

"He's very dear to us, Mrs. Crawley" Cora nodded with a smile as Mrs. Hughes smiled back reassuringly.

The tears made Cora's nose turn red, her eyes were constantly watery and cheeks damped with tears.

"I'll go get changed and inform the others" Carson said and took his leave.

"Others?" Cora asked Mrs. Hughes.

"Oh, yes a few people found out in the neighborhood so.."

Cora smiled "You all are fond of him here?"

Mrs. Hughes smiled "Yes, very. He's a great man" she said and instantly regretted to an extent because of the situation between him and Cora. Cora understanding the look squeezed her hand.

"Yes, he's very special" she said looking back at the operation room wondering when she'll get to meet him.

"Can I get you anything, Mrs. Crawley?"

"No" she smiled "thank you"

"Would you like to inform your family?"

Yes, she thought. They still didn't know. But they had every right to.

"Yeah, I'll do that.." but she realized she left her phone back at Robert's house. "Oh, I forgot my bag at the house, I'll go get it"

"I can get it for you" Mrs. Hughes said. The woman had already done too much for her.

"No, no, it's just 2 blocks away, I'll just go get it and hospital isn't a place to talk over such things on phone" she smiled softly and turned.

But turned back again, "Mrs. Hughes?" she asked "How did you know about me? Was it just the picture or.."

Mrs. Hughes smiled softly "He talks about you, a lot really. He told me many stories. He always said that you are one extraordinary woman and I can see that he was right"

Cora felt tears up in her eyes again "How so?" she asked.

"I saw the same thing in your eyes that I see in his. It's quite extraordinary" she said with a smile and Cora sighed softly, once again coming to terms with all the changes this past two hours have made.

She entered the house and turned on the light and her breath hitched once again as she came face to face with blood stained floor. She swallowed the nausea and headed towards the sofa where her bag was kept. She sat down staring at the floor, imagining how he would have felt spewing out blood, watching his life slip through his fingers. The smell of the blood made her head spin but the imagination ate at her heart. She took a shaky breath and shook her head. He was okay, he was okay.

The doctor said Robert was free to go tomorrow and he can't come back to a house like this. And the blood was also on the carpet on the dining room, it would become prominent and would smell if it was left long enough so Cora rolled up her sleeves and looked around for a sponge and a bucket of water.

She started at the living room which was most stained. She sat in a crawling position on the floor and started scrubbing the floor with a soaked sponge. She wiped and wiped but it wouldn't go away, she scrubbed harder but it just wouldn't wipe off fully. Just like her mind, she wanted this memory to go away; she wanted it to go away forever because it hurt. To think again and again of what happened unsettled her stomach. Tears fell down on the floor and she once again sighed loudly and splashed the sponge in the bucket for more water. She put her hair behind her ears with her free hand and leaned down again and noticed that her white shirt caught more and more stains. But that didn't matter because it should have been her instead of Mrs. Hughes and Carson to soothe him when he was writhing in pain. It should have been her who sat by his side as they waited for an ambulance. So she scrubbed and scrubbed, her arms unwilling to work more but she scrubbed. She wanted wipe it all off, she wanted it to go away. She started sobbing and she violently splashed more water on the floor and resumed scrubbing.

She was his wife and it was her job to take care of him. He was the same man, her best friend and today she almost lost him. She knew the real deal, he worked because he was heartbroken, he moved because he was heartbroken, he was extra careless with his health because he was heartbroken and she, SHE broke his heart. The marriage was in the ruins because both parties were at fault but this, this was her fault. She wasn't the one who moved countries, who was forced to live away from her family. Loud sobs escaped her throat and she didn't hide them, her cries were loud and painful but she didn't care. She didn't care and she scrubbed. Why wouldn't it go off? Why wouldn't it go away?

She wasn't the one who had an ulcer. She lived with her family, had a so-called boyfriend and Robert was miserable, his life could have been so much better if she had stopped him. The image of Robert writhing in blood came before her eyes again and this time she howled in pain. Tears ran down her eyes, her eyes red and swollen. Her hands were red now, her clothes were red now. She should have been here. She scrubbed the floor more firmly.

She almost lost him today; she was a blink away from losing Robert. The Robert whom she had spent half of her life with, the Robert who was the father of her children. She sobbed again and she moved to clean more areas drenched in blood, it all needed to go away because it was too much. He might have died and she wouldn't have known for hours. He would have died in horrible pain in a cold room with no one by his side. The side that was hers, the side which she left, the side which was now empty, cold and abandoned.

That's what she felt; cold and empty. Cold because she had been so blinded. She had been foolish and that had cost Robert his life. She was cold because she couldn't see the misery he was in.

Empty because her heart was broken and shattered and terribly damaged. Empty because her whole heart, her full heart had been away for years, for over thirty years. The heart that was no longer hers; the heart that she had given away years ago for permanent basis. The heart that now belonged to Robert. For permanent basis. Forever and ever.

She stopped. She stopped scrubbing. Her eyes flooded with tears, her clothes a mixture of water and blood, her heart on the verge of making the biggest U-turn.

She looked at the photo of her on the table and remembered that beautiful moment when she caught his eye. He had kept it in his living room; he wanted her to be in his life but couldn't say because she wouldn't let him, a thought that pained her heart immensely. She then looked at the other table and saw a family portrait, she dragged herself there, and not caring if more blood was staining her clothes or body and not standing because her legs didn't have the energy. She grabbed the frame and looked at his face. His beautiful, smiling face.

The smile that made her heart skip a beat every single time. Her eyes welled up again as she traced a fingertip on his face in the photo. Her heart felt a rush as she spoke. "Oh, Robert" as tears fell on the frame.

"Oh, my darling" she looked at the face in his picture, his perfect, handsome face as violet sobs erupted from her throat. "I am so sorry" she said as she sat against a sofa on the floor. "I am so, so sorry. My darling" Her darling, Robert. She held the frame against her heart that beat so loudly, threatening to wake the neighbors. She closed her eyes and this time she didn't see the blood and the face of him writhing, she saw a face of him smiling on her, when he held her close in bed, wrapped her in his arms and whispered sweet nothing to her, the face that he had when he was about to say the words that she was about to say now "I love you"

This was it. Her heart made the turn, leaving the head at the very opposite end. Her heart wanted him, always had, always will.

After the great milestone, she took a shower in Robert's washroom, wore a sweatshirt of his and ran to her hotel hoping no one would see her looking so disheveled. She changed into her clothes and rushed to the hospital.

After being directed to the new room, she entered to find soft giggling of Mrs. Hughes. Her breath hitched because she knew what it meant. Her heart drummed against her chest as she took slow steps towards the room.

She entered when Carson was saying something about giving them a fright. Only then she saw Robert lying on a small bed of the hospital. His skin pale and hair disheveled. His hand was attached to a tube as he rested with droopy eyes and a soft smile.

She took two steps in when the sounds in the room muffled. Her eyes met his and the world stopped.

I am so sorry if this is a disappointment because I feel like it is :'(

Well, well anyways seems like things are about to be less torturous now, doesn't it? But you never know because I don't know, haha. I hope this chapter doesn't sound stupid, I wanted it to be perfect and when I want that, I end up ruining stuff. Please do review and let me know what you think.

The idea I mentioned in the previous chapter was this. I just had this vision of Cora scrubbing Robert's blood and thinking on their life and representing the feelings through the scrubbing. I don't know if this makes sense to you all. Sorry, babies. Also, sorry if there are mistakes, I didn't re-read it properly.