AN: Hey everyone, so sorry that im so late. I was sick with the cold and had a ton of projects to do for school ^^ thanks for waiting =)
Bella`s POV:
Listening through the tiny portion of my mind that never slept, I heard (and vaguely felt) the Volvo come to a stop.
"Bella." Edward whispered my name in a heavenly voice. Immediately, I was awake.
"Oh No!" I gasped. My angel threw me a questioning glance. I slumped back into my seat and covered my face with my hands. "I slept the whole time!" I moaned. Idiot! My brain yelled at me. I only had those precious hours in the car with Edward and I spent it sleeping?! Now, everytime I want to share a moment with Edward, Tanya will be there, sitting right next to us!
"AHHHHHH! Im so stupid!" I cried outloud, startling Edward, who was slowly leaning in. His perfect body jumped a little.
"Whats wrong?" He asked me, trying to pry my hands off my face. I tried to resist but I was no match for his strength. He peeled them off easily.
"Bella, whats wrong?" He persisted, holding my hands in his. The temperature made me shiver, it was cold as always.
"We`re in Alaska now, arent we..." I stated in a devastated tone. Edward nodded his gorgeous head, his bronze, messy hair flying with the movement. My stomach tightened in a knot. I turned away and peered out the window, horror stricken at what I saw.
There was nothing but white blankets of snow covering everything in sight. Even the sky appeared to be white, raining down tiny white snowflakes on the already covered ground. Huge mounds of snow hills, no, they were mountains, rose up high near the horizon. All the trees were bear and had snow draped across every branch. Alaska was a living nightmare. My eyes scanned the snow dessert for any signs of civilation. There was none! No houses, stores, or people. I couldnt even see animals! My ears kept picking out the terrible sound of howling winds and frozen chunks of rain blowing in the fierce breeze. Just looking at this sight made me 100 times more colder. My body shook uncontrollably while my teeth chattered.
"Bella!" Edward said, pulling his grey wool coat around me because it fell to the floor while I was sleeping. The coat was still chilly, but warmer than before since it retained some of my body heat.
"I-I-I told y-y-you it w-w-was a bad id-d-dea to c-c-come to A-A-Alaska!" I chattered, a cloud of smoke came out with my words, heat evaporating into the frigid air. Edward said nothing, his silence told me how sorry he was and it broke my heart. He bought me here for me...not because he was bored...If anything, it was my fault that I came to Alaska..
"N-No, nnevermind. I-It`s cool, I-Im getting us-s-s-ed to the weather." I lied with my teeth clenched, trying to stop my chattering.
"Im sorry." His velety voice layered with destress tone shot right through my chest and entered my heart, making it beat wildly with guilt.
"No, i-its really fine. S-S-ee, Im not even c-chattering that much anymore." I laughed shakily. I extended my hand to touch his shoulder but he backed away, leaning completely against the side of the car.
"You better not touch me if you want to stay warm." He warned, sadness creeping into his topaz eyes. Slowly, I withdrew my hand, regret building up in my heart each passing second. I didnt care about the cold. All I wanted was Edward, to be in his arms. No matter how "freezing" his skin was, he felt warm to me. Edward always melted my heart, brain, thoughts, and actions. To me, my angel was the fiery passion that kept me alive. Never a cold, freezing ice cube.
"I guess I wont be able to touch you at all while we stay here, huh?" I asked playfully, yet seriously. I hoped that Edward would say no and embrace me in his arms. But of course, Edward was Edward.
"Thats probably best." He admitted coolly.
Sighing deeply, I folded my arms across my chest to block out any tempations to reach out to him. Edward`s shining, golden eyes looked at me with longing. A tiny blue-ish vein was visible through his pale skin on the side of his forehead, near the temple. That usually meant that he was restraining himself. All my hopes shattered, flying away like the snow outside. When that vein was showing, it meant that Edward was deadly serious...
"So, where do the Denali live anyways? This place is deserted." I commented, trying to change the topic. I didnt want to stay on a subject that inflicted internal pain on the both of us. Edward released a breath, obviously, he was relieved to talk about something else.
"The Denali Clan live far away from civilization. Since Alaska has a small population, if one of them slips up, word spreads like a virus." Edward explained. His lushious, charming voice was beginning to dazzle me, inviting me in. I shook my head. If Edward was restraining...then so would I!
"How do we get there?" I asked, my fears voicing my thoughts. Edward didnt respond, he just averted his wonderful eyes the other way. At once, I knew that my worst nightmares were confirmed....We would have to hike there. My body shuddered at the very thought, my mind recoiled too.
"Its impossible!" I gasped, picturing me, climbing that monstrous valley of snow mountains. My heart thumped frantically, not wanting to die a slow, chilly death. My angel, caught the frightened look on my face and lifted his hand to patt me reassuringly, but changed his mind. His fingers trembling in fists, he bought his hand back down.
Great! This was absolutely great! Edward`s not going to make any contact with me for who knows how long and I have to endure that torture in a winter version of the Sahara Desert! Not to mention that lustful Tanya will fawn all over my angel! The thought made me angry, white fury blazing inside of me but an even more stronger emotion of sadness managed to keep my furiousness under control. I wanted Edward and I needed him but he wont come near me...How could I stay in the same room as him, knowing that he doesnt want to come close to me?! It`ll be like a living hell, I mean Tanya gets to touch him, why cant I?!
Before I knew it, one tiny tear fell from the corner of my left eye, sliding slowly down my cheek. Im assuming its because its so freezing outside, that the teardrop waas practically being frozen on the way down. Quickly, hoping that Edward wouldnt see, I lifted my hand out of his warm coat and swiped that tear away then looked the other way. I pretended that I was "enjoying the view" outside but my heart was jackhammering away, pounding with anxiousness. Did he see that? Did I hurt his feelings again? Was I making things harder than it had to be? My eyes were still nervously darting around the window. Seconds ticked by like a snail. It was as if time was stabbed and shot in the legs and dragging itself by 2 broken arms.
Sighing deeply, I took a deep breath to calm myself down before I faced Edward. The fact that the car was so silent meant that my angel did indeed see me and that he was probably waiting for an explaination. My mouth opened to tell him that I merely cried because I had a mental image of crawling through the snow when my lips froze. That devasted, painfilled look pasted on my darling`s face made me stiff. Edward`s golden eyes were almost shimmering, as if he was crying. His prefect eyebrows were slightly frowning, like his lips. Since Edward was the type who held most things inside and on his shoulders, I knew that this expression was 100 times more stronger in his heart.
More tears streamed out know, melting my icy cheeks. "Edward! Im so sorry. Im a baby, a trouble -maker. Im sorry I cried, it was stupid. Im stupid. Please, dont be sad...Everything is my fault. " I babbled, sobs shaking my body. After everything that I put my angel through, how could I make him go through anything more?! How could I be so selfish? I shouldnt have felt jealous...I knew that Edward loved me more than Tanya or anything else...But even now, I felt the green monster on my back, taunting me.
Edward took the edge of his coat sleeve and folded it in half, wiping my face with a fabric, wool tissue. "Bella. Dont cry...please.." His begged me, his tone almost matching mine in the despair-o-meter. My love`s voice was like whispering trees, thier leaves blowing softly, sadly, beautifully in the forest.
"But, Im so selfish! Im putting you through all sorts of things that you shouldnt have to go through!" I protested, determined to make Edward see my true feelings. In spite of all my agony, I still felt a tiny spark of frustration at him. Some times, I wished so badly that he could read my mind, or at least be more in-tune with my emotions/thoughts so that he`d truely understand me, not just blame himself when I caused everything. His extreme selflessness and generosity always overwhelmed me with guilt and affection, it was hard to juggle those opposite feelings. Edward sadly shook his head and glanced down at his shoes, a small grin emerged from his face but it didnt emit any good vibes.
"Bella, Love, nothing is your fault. Im the one to blame be---"
"No! Dont say that! Edward, dont!" I shrieked. If he said that everything is his fault one more time, then I`d offically fall to pieces. My selfish love for him always bought trouble for the both of us, and time after time, Edward always took the blame. How could I continue saying that I love him, if I dont take any responibiltiy for my actions? My heart kicked my chest angrily, wanting me to explain to Edward once and for all that I cant let him take the fall all the time. That would hurt him which would then hurt me.
"Bella...If your done shouting...Can you not interrupt me?" His velvety voice asked, strained and struggling to sound level.
I crossed my arms, which were covered in goosebumps, and glared at his determined face. "Only if you stop saying that your the bad guy." Instead of aruging back, Edward just raised one perfect eyebrow and waited, impatiently. His brown, leather shoe tapped the Volvo`s floor in a fast rythym, tap, tap, tap, tap.
"Urgh, okay fine. Say what you want, but it wont matter to me. Your not bad, at all." I sighed frustratedly.
Edward questioned, "Why do you think everything is your fault?"
"Because Im a danger magnet." I reasoned.
"Elaborate on that idea, please. "Edward chuckled slightly. His smiling face brought a fresh wave of pain because my hands were itching to feel his beautiful lips.
"Well, I met you --"
"of course, Im the danger. Thats w--"
"You didnt let me finish!" I complained, placing a shaking finger on his cool, marble lips. Due to my temperature drop, his skin almost felt warm. My angel, sadly, drew back, flattening himself against the door again.
Dropping my numb finger weakly back under the coat, I tried explaining again. "Because Im a danger magnet, Jame hurt you. Thats 1 for me."
"You got hurt too...." He commented, pain swarming into his eyes as he remembered that vicious memory.
"That doesnt matter, we both got hurt. Its double points for me then." I replied coolly, trying to brush it off so that Edward wouldnt think too hard about that moment. "After James, theres Victoria. She`s a loose danger but also my fault. 3 points."
Edward leaned into my face, just inches away. "No, you lost 1 point." He breathed, his breath making my head swim. All my senses shut down, thoughts turning fuzzy, and my breathing accelerated with my heart.
"Why?" I asked weakly, under his charm. My fingers were turning white from straining, underneath the coat. They were slightly trembling, resisting the desire to grab my angel.
"I killed James which triggered Victoria`s revenge. She hates me, not you." My love said, his melted buttery eyes turning a bit dull.
"But I made you kill James!" I protested, composing myself. This was one arguement I couldnt offord to lose.
"But I did the deed and besides, I could have let him go, but i didnt. 1 point for me and 2 for you." He declared triumphantly, making it clear that I shouldnt try to reclaim that point.
"Umm, okay. So, theres the Volturi. If I didnt love you, then you and your famiily wouldnt be running from them." I said, threatening him with my eyes to twist that fact around.
Edward shifted his weight back towards the door and folded his hands neatly on his lap. "But Bella, I went to the Volturi first. If I didnt go, then they wouldnt have known about you nor have tried to forcibly take you. It all goes down to me deciding to leave on the first place. Its a tie, now."
"Why must you try to so hard to take all the blame? Are you addicted to mental pain? Edward, stop beating yourself up!" I shouted, my hands were tangled at the collar of his shirt. My love mke a small noise like that of a whimper and his face fell. All traces of former smiles dissappered and a mask of contored pain etched itself on. Edward looked like a souless, burning man on a stake. Just looking at the sight of my Edward so hurt made me feel as if I was burning right next to him. Wave after wave of pain crashed down in the ocean of my soul.
"Bella, its not me thats addicted to mental pain, its you!" He yelled, rage seeping into his voice. I drew my hands back, wrinkles surrounding his shirt. Something pricked the edge of my stomach, it was vaguely familiar yet unknown. What was this emotion? It was a mixture of...sadness? Anger? Something in between....?
"What?" I whispered. For some unknown reason, my voice wouldnt come out strong. Involuntarily, my body moved towards my side of the car, creating a couple inches of space between me and my angel.
"Bella, everything is me! You didnt like me in the beginning! I was drawn by your scent and I didnt leave you alone till you loved me. If I didnt make you love me, then you wouldnt have been there, on that field when James came. If that didnt happen, James would`ve been alive right now, Victoria wouldnt be after you and I wouldnt have gone to the Volturi. I wouldnt have even left you in the first place and you wouldnt be half immortal right now! Bella, you wouldnt even have met Ella and even Ella wouldnt have died. Furthermore, if I didnt love you, you wouldnt have been hurting so much because your hurting that mongrel, Jacob Black. Dont you see, Bella? Everything comes back down to me!" Edward cried desperately. His voice shook, cracked, and wavered. I`ve never seen Edward lose his composure so much before, it reminded me of Rose, that night...
"Y-you regret....Loving me...?" I whispered, my eyes were watering as my heart tried madly to stay in 1 piece. That prickling sensation in my stomach was gone now but was replaced by a vast vaccum of agony.
"BELLA, YOUR NOT LISTENING!" He snarled, bareing his teeth at me. Edward`s eyes were blazing and narrowed into a glare. Chills ran down my spine, causing my to shiver, even though I wasnt cold. That feeling came back to my stomach at once, but this time, it tingled my whole body. My nerves trembled and I felt like heaving up everything I ate. What was this? Suddenly, it came to me. This feeling was something all to familiar to me but unfamiliar because it was triggered by something I woouldnt have imagined in a million years....I was afraid of Edward....
"Bella, I dont regret loving you, not in a million years! But, when you try to "take my burden" or "pull my share of the weight", I cant stand it. Your just bleeding yourself dry, love. Dont try to make my faults a part of your wondering being. It kills me inside when I see you cry because you think that everything is your fault. Bella, my life was nothing before you. Your my everything, so please, dont feel like you have to help or anything. Its all me....Im sorry." My angel said sadly. My heart, regardless of what he said, shattered anyways. Streams of tears ran down my face, burning my icy cheeks.
"Bella, why are you crying?" Edward asked, appalled at himself.
"Because, Edward, your so stupid!" I wailed, sobs shaking my whole body around. "YOUR SUCH AN IDIOT!"
"Excuse me...?"
"Edward, I love you. Its only natural that I try to "take your burden". I want you to be happy, but your happiness right now, its always strained. You`ve never truely smiled at me. Half of you is constantly worrying when Im with you and I cant live like that, by your side, knowing what Im doing to you. You think everything is your fault, so do I. Your worried about me, Im worried about you. You want to take my pain, I do too! Thats love, Edward. You cant do everything by yourself and maybe, if you shared your thoughts, mine would go to extremes trying to figure things out!" I sobbed loudly, a tiny portion of my mind felt relieved." Finally, its off my chest" it sighed to me.
"Bella..." Edward whispered, then he drew me up in a hug. His stone arms crushed me against his chest, my scent taking over my brain. Intoxicated by him, I wrapped my arms around his neck, weaking my fingers into his lush, gorgeous, bronze hair. He lifted my face with 1 finger before slamming his lips onto mine. It was tense at first, but then, everything was blissful. Our mouths moved as one, breathing as one, together as one. I instantly felt warmer, blazing hot even. Edward was my life too. He was my A/C on a hot day, my heater in a winter`s chill, and my air when I needed to breath. My angel was like the sunshine in the morning and my moon in the dark. It might be stupid to do this, but I made Edward my heart and soul, something I cant live without.
When the wonderful kiss was over, the flames of passion died out and right away, Alaska`s frigid weather gave me a hug. My teeth started chattering again.
"I shouldnt have done that..." Edward sighed, shaking his head.
"Yes, you should`ve." I laughed, leaning in and lightly pressing his mouth once more. If I could, I`d spend all day and night next to Edward.
"Bella, you`ll freeze to death before we even start our hike, if you continue to act this way." his velvetly voice sounded disapproving.
"Urgh, we still have to hike?" I groaned out loud.
"Im afraid so, love." He answered. I turned away and looked outside the window, hoping that magically, everything melted and I could see something else besides the color white. Unfortunatly, Mother Earth hates me and decided to continue the blizzard of dancing snowflakes.
"Urahhhhh." I groaned again, wrapping Edward`s deliciously smelling wool coat tighter around me.
The car door opened, letting in a gust of freezing wind and millions of white dots. The Volvo slammed shut as Edward, using his wonderful speed, sped over to my side of the car. Realizing what he was going to do, I locked the door and covered my face with his coat. My ears picked out a small tapping on the frozen window. I ignored it. The tapping turned into a pounding and I heard the window crack, just the tiniest bit. I raised my head and found myself gazing at an unamused Edward, outside my door.
"Open it." He mouthed.
"No." I replied, shaking my head and making an "X" with my hands.
Arching one perfect eyebrow, Edward mouthed, "Do it, or Im breaking this door."
"You wouldnt dare hurt your metal baby!" I protested, not falling for his bluff.
He threw back his head and laughed. "I could if it meant dragging you out."
"Try."
"Hmmm....Im cold? Let me in?"
"Nice try, Edward."
I giggled slightly when I heard Edward moan outside.
"Your so stubborn!" He cried, pulling on the handle, trying to not break it off. I marveld at how pretty Edward looked standing outside in the snow. His perfect, pale complexion blended into the snowy background, nearly camoflauging him. The only thing that stood out now were his bronze hair, layered with speckles of snow, and his golden eyes like that of a lion. Edward has always been the type to dress in faded, casual, yet formal clothes so it was no surprise that his light blue whiteshirt and white jeans were blending into the scenery too. Only his brown, dress shoes were visible, poking out from the ground. The road wasnt shoveled but the Volvo managed to shove its way through, but behind Edward, I saw that the snow piled high to his waist. Being shorter that Edward, that sight, scared the crap out of me.
"Bella, it gets colder at night. Its better to leave now then later!" He yelled, trying to be louder than the howling wind.
"How about never?!" I shouted back, determined to stay out of that dreadful forest of white.
"Bella! Im serious! You`ll freeze in the car and you`ll freeze if you dont come out now! The Denali`s have a nice, warm place for you!" Edward persuaded me. Just for good measure, I groaned really loudly before unlocking the door. My angel smiled as he pulled the silver door. A strong gust of frigid air stabbed my face, blowing my hair back. The snow flying into me litterally felt like small daggers piercing my skin. The edges of my ears and the tip of my nose were already burning from the chill.
My love cradled me into his arms like a small football. The coat was draped over me, but it wasnt built to withstand Alaska`s weather. I felt my blood beginning to freeze as I shook and trembled inside Edward`s strong arms.
"Its going to be really cold but its the only way to get to the Denali`s. I`ll carry you all the way but if it gets too cold, just tell me to put you down and you can walk the rest of the way, okay?" Edward explained, holding me a couple inches away from his body. Too cold for words, I nodded my burning face, a stinging sensation started around my neck. Even though I had the choice, I knew that I wouldnt ask Edward to put me down at all. This was really the last couple minutes of solitude I`d have with my angel. My heart felt a pang of agony as I realized that this was probably the last time he`d make contact with me until we leave Alaska. I prayed with everything that I had that my stay here would be short, and I mean very short.
Edward kicked his door shut and I felt his muscels tense, getting ready for one of the fastest sprints of his "life". His powerful legs propelled him into motion, the wind whipped my face. Everywhere, it stung like I was being slapped by the snow. The air was so frigid that I couldnt catch my breath, the feeling of suffocation stayed with me the whole time we were running. I glanced down at his feet, they were barely touching the ground. Waves of snow sprayed behind us, covering all of Edward`s light footsteps. Motion sickness overwhelmed my stomach, much like it did the first time he ran while I was hanging off his back.
"Im gonna throw up.." I moaned. I tried to cover my blushing, numb face with my hands but they were frozen to my ribs. The grey, wool coat barely gave me warmth but Edward`s smell never left the coat and that was enough to keep me mellow.
"We`re almost there." He replied. Edward`s eyes were determined, his lips in one straight line, taut across his face. Beautiful locks of bronze hair flew around him, swirling with the wind and dancing with the snow. "Like a greek god of the winter" I thought happily. I even smiled despite the stinging pain burning my body.
I closed my eyes and focused on the heavenly scent of my angel`s jacket and his even, deep breathing. Ignoring the cold, the snow, and the pain, I only thought about Edward. My mind daydreamed about our kiss from before, wishing I`d savor that moment more. I didnt realize how much time passed by, I never did when I was near my lover but too soon, his voice rang clear through the frozen air.
"Bella, were here." He announced, relieved that I didnt die from chills yet. Opening my eyes, I peered at the Denali`s house and gasped. .God.....
AN: Hey guys, Im done with both the cold and projects, I should have more time for my chapters. Thanks for reading and please review.
Yes, this chapter is boring, I wanted to spend some time , however, talking about whats going on in both thier heads. It ends in a cliffhanger, hehe, arent they great?!
Anywhoo, the next chapter is Bella`s POV. You finally get to meet the Denali`s coven ^^
REVIEW, REVIEW, AND REVIEW ONCE MORE!
btw- how is my writting skills? I feel like I dropped a bit, idk....
thanks for reading though, and keep doing so, I promise, things`ll get better. After Bella, its Jacob POV (1st time), then one of the cullens - I think Emmett..., then back to the Volturi. Look forward to meeting a new character (original) in the next chapter, I spent the last 2-3 weeks gathering info for the character so when "it" appears, comment me on how you guys like "it". Thanks!