Chapter 21

The rare moment of me flying was an unexpected development for Harry to witness, he seemed almost afraid that I might damage myself. It was a good way of clearing my head without McGonagall or Pomfrey worrying that I may throw myself from the astronomy tower.

"Professor Snape?"

"Yes Harry,"

"I didn't know that you could fly."

"There's no need for anyone to know that. And before you say anything I was better at racing than Quidditch." I glanced subtly at my watch it was nine.

"Right, not so much a team player?"

"Something along those lines."

"Could have been a seeker though." We both walked towards the castle, away from the Quidditch stands.

"What makes you say that?"

"Same sight build, and your quick." I noticed we were both comfortable talking about Quidditch or similar; it appeared to be neutral territory.

"Thanks, I guess. So how long have you been awake?"

"Since about eight." I saw the shrug, I could tell that he'd been awake earlier than that.

"How long have you been flying Severus?" I could feel the tension rolling of Lily; who had arrived in front of us.

"When I arrived back from dealing with Yaxley with Alastor."

"So no more death eaters?" I saw that both Harry and Lily seemed less tense after my reply:

"No more death eaters."

"But you two have been hidden from me;" there was an accusing tone in her voice.

"Not really Lily," I was cut off by McGonagall as her heels rounded the corridor.

"Honestly Severus have you not asked yet?" she could tell from my dropped head that I hadn't. "Ah, no-thing then," I gave a small shake of my head which of course Minerva could see. "Take her with you, its time you be a bit less old fashioned."

"It's traditional," I was too quick and the headmistress knew it.

"No it's what your father would have done; and you are not him. Not like Tobias was." I could feel myself tensing.

"You need to relax Professor," I looked sideways at Harry and nodded silently. "You're going to insist on Severus, aren't you?"

"Only out of class. So yes I suppose I am."

"Good to see you two are finally getting along." With McGonagall's final words ringing in each of our ears, it was decided that Lily would chose her own ring.

We were outside the jewellers, I saw that Lily had hung back from the door.

"So that's what this is about?" I huffed slightly.

"What do you think this is about Lily?"

"Does Harry approve?"

"Ask him yourself." I noticed that Harry was shuffling his feet as his mother's unusually stern gaze fell on him.

"I think you two would work well together; besides you both deserve to be happy."

"Harry, as much as I love him; I'm not going to marry him." Lily continued to stare into her son's eyes; although as she apparated she didn't look at me. My chocking cough seemed to bring Harry back from wherever he was.

"Severus, I;" I held my hand to stop him.

"It's not your fault Harry. She probably needs more time."

"More time? She's been dead for eighteen years!"

"Yes and that's my fault to." I didn't even register saying that but I had.

"What do you mean by that?" I knew that I would be throwing caution in the wind if I answered that; but since this was Harry, I did owe him an explanation.

"You remember the prophecy,"

"Of course I; oh." There was silence for at least two minutes.

"You hate me don't you?"

"I should but I don't."

"But."

"Have you ever forgiven yourself?"

"No."

"Then I will not hate you. You're doing a pretty good job of that yourself." I blinked mindlessly at Harry, "Besides I stand by what I said outside the common room; you'd make a decent step-father."

"Maybe we should go back to Hogwarts." Both Harry and I apparated, we should in front of the gates which as they always did, swung forward to grant us entry. I stood for a moment as Harry entered; and I muttered to myself: "I do know one thing, Alastor's going to be mad." I hadn't realised that Harry had already entered the castle by the time I had even crossed the gates threshold. I left him at the base of the grand old staircase, nothing was said but I did place a reassuring hand on his shoulder before making my way to Minerva's office – to give her the bad news of course.

The old tabby sat patiently on her desk, her tail flicking ominously. I was unsure whether Lily had already informed McGonagall of what had happened.

"Severus," it was clear by the head's tone that this conversation was to be insightful for her.

"Yes Minerva,"

"Are you alright?" there was a hint of concern in the woman's voice.

"Been better."

"Lily said she'd worked it out;" I said nothing. "Severus, I'm sorry. I should have known better."

"Perhaps, you should have." I felt the venom that I wanted to unleash on the headmistress for her meddling; but I couldn't blame McGonagall really, after all she'd been so glad that perhaps happiness would find me – again – since the war ended. She seemed less than pleased by my response although my lack of hatred or venom appeared to confuse her.

"That wasn't very much like you."

"How would you know what's like me?"

"Your very cynical when people seem to think that they know you or worse like you."

"Well clearly Lily doesn't do either."

"Talk to her, be her best friend."

"She should know that I will always be there for her; I would do anything and everything for her."

"Maybe she needs to be reminded."

"Or maybe she has to forget." I spoke so quietly that I hadn't realised that McGonagall had heard me.

"Don't start that again, I don't want to find your body in a corpse like state at the bottom of the astronomy tower." I had clearly hit a raw nerve with the headmistress as she stormed out of her own office; leaving me very kindly with Albus' portrait.

"Come now Severus, is all this entirely necessary," I wasn't sure to what the `this' was but I was certain that it was necessary. "I'll take your silence as a yes then, shall I?" I nodded silently and as with little conviction but it was still an acknowledgement; which meant I was preciously where Albus wanted me.

"You take it however you want to take it."

"Now that you're talking." I could see the portrait's eyes glittering much as they had in life. It was clear that I had walked into a trap. "Why do you think Lily said no?"

"Because I haven't changed. I'm still not a nice man, Albus."

"You are trying."

"Not that it matters to anyone else."

"Minerva's right you know."

"Right about what?"

"Stop wallowing in self-pity, boy." I winced away from the sudden anger that flowed through every brush stroke of Albus' portrait. Even in life I had only seen him like this once; when he was teaching me Occlumency.

"I don't know how to do anything else."

"Well try; show them all that you have changed."

"Have I? Have I really changed Albus?"

"Of course you have, Harry thinks rather highly of you. Even Alastor has grown somewhat attached to you."

"Yes and they have got to be mad."

"Severus," I heard a clear warning in the old headmasters voice.

"Fine, I'll try. I doubt I will succeed but I shall try none the less." I gave Albus no more reason to speak as left the head's office, I now felt compelled to apologise to Minerva for something – I still couldn't put my finger on it.