A/N: This is the, the final chapter in this exceedingly lengthy story. It's taken me over a year and a half to write this fic. Can you believe that?It took me a while to work out the ending of this story. Even now I am not convinced that it's perfect but I'm hoping my readers will enjoy the closer I've finally been able to bring to this story.
Restoration: Chapter 21
He could smell a strong odor. His eyes fluttered open, and then fell shut. The smell was placed back under his nose, bringing him back to consciousness.
As he gradually started to come to, he realized that he could not move his hands or feet. His head hurt like crazy. The blood had dried up on the side of his face and neck giving him a strange sensation of it stretching as he tried to move his head.
He looked up at his arms and down at his legs. She'd turned his own creation against him. Despite his predicament, the trooper laughed.
"What a clever bitch you are."
Frowning and silent, she stared at him.
He jerked forward against his restraints. She didn't flinch, but she held her breath.
Finally, in a mocking tone she said, "You look mighty fine tethered up like this, Mr. Hartley."
"Stop. I'm blushing." He said.
Alexis reeled back and threw a punch, which sent Victor's head whipping back.
Victor chuckled and turned his head, spitting blood onto the ground. "That hurt, baby. Kinda liked it."
"Shut up." She took a step back, wincing as she clutched her abdomen. She felt like she was going to puke. Every time she moved, her head felt like it was going to explode, and her abdomen was already itching so bad beneath the bandages that she wanted to tear the damn thing off.
Turning around, she walked toward the tool cart and rummaged through one of the drawers. She pulled out a vial and a syringe.
She then pierced the top of the vial with the needle, pushed it down into the fluid, and drew up a minuscule amount.
She leaned across the tool cart and unbuttoned her pants, injecting the syringe into her right hip.
With a laugh of relief and delight, Alexis tossed the syringe onto the cart and grabbed a long piece of rebar out from one of the drawers.
"It was just a job, you know?" She said, trying not to slur her words. "I was just doing my goddamn job, Victor! But you just had to take it so personally. You came into my home, my home and just destroyed everything!"
Alexis could feel the tears in her eyes as she stepped toward him, swinging the rebar. The rebar smashed into his skull, making the world erupt in blinding starbursts. With every blow, she repeated, "You sick fuck, you sick fuck, you sick fuck!"
"Why did you rape me?" she cried. "Why did you beat me?" Her hand was shaking and the rebar felt so, so heavy. "You hurt me so bad."
She could feel the sobs building in her chest, choking her. Her words flooded out in a torrent, unstoppable and nonsensical, years' worth of sorrow. "You let those men do things to me...horrible things. You left me alone with Vasquez...You let him kill me over and over again. But he always brought me back. Always. I want to know why you thought you could do that to me. To all of us!"
Victor could barely stay awake. Blood dripped from his head to the ground, slippery and distracting.
"Because this is what I do." That was all the truth and all the reason of him.
She hated him with a rage that had been building up for years. "I told you she needed a doctor! I fucking told you and none of it mattered! All you did was beat and rape me! You made me do things I never would have done! Ever! You put that blood on my hands, you, not me! You should have let me go! You shouldn't have followed me! Why couldn't you just let me go?"
Breathing raggedly, dripping cold sweat, Alexis dropped the rebar and stumbled to the corner of the room. She threw up in the corner, purging herself of the fruit cocktail she'd eaten earlier.
Hysterical giggles bubbled through his lips and turned to laughter. "You could beat me to death, and it wouldn't make a difference. Nothing will ever change who you are, Lexi. You're a murderer, an animal, and you enjoy it. Just like me."
"No. You're wrong. I'm not like you." She closed her eyes, trying to cling onto William's words that night at the prison. "I'm not like you."
"You will be."
Enraged, Alexis moved quickly to the tool cart and grabbed a screwdriver from the middle drawer and hurried toward Victor.
A few steps away from him, she halted, getting a grip on herself.
As both her breathing and her heartbeat subside to normal rates, she turned the rubberized handle of the screwdriver around and around in her hand, staring at the short blunt blade at the end of the long steel shank.
"This won't do," she said.
She put the screwdriver back on the cart and grabbed a knife.
"I'll be back in a minute," she promised, and stepped out of the room.
As she walked away, he studied his binds, trying to find a weak spot. He was still trying to figure it out when she emerged with the dead Walker.
"What're you doing?"
Alexis said nothing as she continued to drag the decaying body into the room.
Squatting, she began to rub her knife all over the roamer, caking the blade with guts and bacteria.
Holding up the knife as if admiring its beauty, she said, "They say once you get bit, it's essentially a death sentence." She said. "You're wrong about me. I'm not like you. I'm not gonna waste my time torturing you like you've done to the others and myself. No, in fact, I'm gonna let the virus do the job for me."
"Bitch. I'll kill you. When I get out of here I'm going to-"
She plunged the blade deep into his shoulder. He gritted his teeth, keeping himself from screaming out.
She dipped the blade into the walker and stabbed him on the side of his abdomen. "That's not just for me. That's for everyone you've hurt."
She dropped the knife onto the ground and turned, heading out of the room.
"You're going to hell!"
"Save me a seat." She said over her shoulder.
She closed the door and fumbled for the big lock above the knob. Found the thumb-turn. Engaged the heavy deadbolt.
She stepped out onto the front porch,and she realized then that it was finally, truly, over.
She'd taken a seat on the steps looking sick as a dog and sweating like she'd just walked out of a sauna.
She leaned back against the steps, and when she closed her eyes, she finally understood why she had been brought here—and perhaps what her purpose had been all along.
~THE WALKING DEAD~
"Alexis."
She heard it first in her dream, slurry and unformed, an underwater sound. It took a moment before she realize someone was saying her name. But that is not possible.
"You must wake up, Alexis"
Her eyes fluttered open. In the step beside her, she saw Rick, her lover.
"I'm awake," she said, her head still against the wooden step. With the fever, her image lacked definition, like a ghost.
"Where's Victor?"
She blinked. "Inside. He won't be able to hurt anyone ever again."
He paused. "You are bleeding."
Lifting her shirt, she wiped her stomach with her free hand and it came back red. There is blood on her jeans and on the steps, smears of red everywhere. She wondered how much blood she'd lost. "I know."
"Your skin...it's gone. And it's infected, too."
"I know," She said again. As she blinked, Rick faded in and out.
"You need to get to the prison."
"No argument there," She said.
"I am worried about you."
She breathed in and out before she responded. Long breaths. "I'm worried about me, too," She finally said.
Her lover, Rick, was not really beside her. She realized that. He was back at the prison with the others, or still out there somewhere searching for her.
"I'm sorry," She finally said. "I want you to know that I fought hard. That I didn't give up. That I was brave until the very end."
"Do not say these things," he said, his voice beginning to crack.
Alexis was weak, so weak that even focusing on Rick was difficult. The porch is moving in circles, and she wanted to reach for his hand to steady her, but she knew that was impossible. Instead, she tried to remember the feel of his touch, but the sensation eluded her.
She closed her eyes, trying to make the dizziness stop, but it only increased, colored spirals exploding behind her eyes.
Rick inched closer to her. Gently, he traced a finger along her jaw and then kissed the top of her head.
"You need to rest now. You need to sleep again."
"No," she mumbled. She tried to shake her head but couldn't, the agony making it impossible. "I want to stay awake. I want to be with you."
"Do not worry. I'm here and I will always be here."
"How can you be so sure?"
He kisses her again before answering. "Because," he said, his voice tender, "I am always with you, Alexis."
~THE WALKING DEAD~
From the guard tower, Maggie and Glenn noticed a single car was approaching the prison.
They tensed, because it might be the Governor or Victor.
The person inside the car pounded the horn, flashed the headlights, and braked the Dodge.
In response to the unknown person's horn and the flashing lights, Daryl and the others lined up behind the gates, weapons ready.
The person pulled to the front of the main gate and stopped.
After a moment, the unknown person opened the door and jumped down from the driver's seat. He quickly headed toward the gate.
"Open the gate!" he yelled.
"What do you want?" Daryl asked.
"Look man, I'm one of the good guys," he said. "Open the gate before I get eaten by these things."
"Why should we?"
"Because I'm your only way of bringing you to your friend," he said. "Pretty girl...blond."
They exchanged looks and Daryl motioned for Sasha and Tyreese to open the gates.
"Go get Rick," he told Maggie.
Gasping, the unknown man climbed up into the driver's seat, pulling the door shut behind him.
Once he pulled in, Sasha and Tyreese quickly shut the gates behind him. As soon as the engine shut up, Daryl yanked open the door and pulled him out.
"You best start talking," he barked, his crossbow aimed at the stranger.
~THE WALKING DEAD~
Rick sat at the edge of the bed and sighed as he ran his hands down his face. He couldn't think, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't stop worrying.
He was afraid to close his eyes because every time he did, Alexis reappeared.
Rick lied down, fluffing his pillow before he noticed a single white envelope.
Tentatively, he reached for the envelope just as Maggie burst into the room, breathing heavily.
"Rick!"
"What's wrong?" Rick wrinkled his brow in concern.
"It's about Alexis."
Rick set the letter down quickly and rushed out of the room and hurried outside to the others.
When he stepped out into the courtyard, Daryl and the others were circled around a single man. He was in his early 40's, tall, thin, with brown hair.
"What's going on here?" Rick barked.
"He knows about Alex," Daryl told him.
All the air in his lungs turned to hard lumps of ice. Either he was having the best luck of his life or he was getting played, but no matter what this man had the answers he was looking for.
Before Daryl could say anything more, Rick's hand was around the man's throat before he could do as much as gasp in surprise.
"You sonofabitch," the sheriff seethed, blue eyes ablaze with black fire. "Where is she?"
"C-calm down-"
Rick's hand tightened around the man's windpipe as his blue eyes narrowed.
"Don't tell me to calm down," he growled. "You have one of my people. Now you're going to tell me where you're keeping her or so help me I will-"
"We're not keeping her against her will," he said. "She sent me here."
Everyone exchanged glances.
Rick released his grip around the man's throat and said, "She sent you here? She's alive?"
The man began to cough and rubbed his neck while nodding to Rick's questions.
Rick's mind swam back and forth at the man's words. She sent him here? She was alive?
He could see the hope in the William's eyes, but there was also doubt.
"What's your name?" Rick asked.
"Noris," he answered.
For all he knew, this could have been a hoax, but he was willing to give it a try. Even if there was the slightest chance Alexis was alive, he was going to take it.
"Will you please take me to her, Noris?" he asked.
The man nodded slowly and said, "We don't have much time, it'll be dark soon so we have to hurry."
~THE WALKING DEAD~
Rick darted for the prison as quick as his legs could carry him. He yanked open the sliding steel door and darted for his room. The first thing he grabbed was a change of clothes for Alexis. Once he stuffed them into a small bag, he grabbed his gear and ran out of the prison, not even bothering to shut the door behind him.
When he reached the gate he wasn't surprised to see everyone waiting for him. He thought he would have to wait a couple of minutes for a few of them, but he was grateful that they were already here.
"I'm coming with you," Carl told his father.
"You're staying here," he put his hands on his shoulders. "I need you to watch over her family while we're gone. Keep them safe."
Carl slowly nodded.
"Bring her back," Carl said, his voice soft but pleading.
"I'll bring her back," And with that, Rick set off.
Even though it only took a few hours to reach their destination, every minute seem like an eternity. Daryl sped down the empty road, but didn't move fast enough for Rick's liking.
Outside, directly ahead of the car, lay a sodden yard, a few dripping trees, and a rough driveway leading to a weathered barn. A log house about twenty feet away. Mottled with time and many coats of creosote, streaming with rain, the walls glistened like dark snakeskin.
Noris scurried off towards the house and Rick and the others followed close behind.
A young boy was playing with a few toys on the front porch. When he caught sight of Noris, his eyes grew wide and he smiled with excitement. "Dad!"
Noris then ran to his son, embraced him, hugged him and kissed him.
Rick and the other's hurried to the flagstone steps and went up onto the porch.
A woman emerged from the front door. "Oh my," she whispered to herself when she caught sight of them.
Noris led them inside the house to narrow enclosed stairs immediately to their left.
Angry shouts echoed down the hall to their right.
"Is that-"
"Victor," Rick interrupted then turned to Noris. "You didn't kill him?"
Noris set his son down and told him, "Why don't you go find Bev and see if she can whip you up something to eat, okay?"
The young boy nodded and Noris turned his attention back to Rick and his group.
"She specifically gave us orders not to kill him," he told them.
Rick arched a brow and said, "He's a murderer. He's done too much damage to too many people. He deserves no mercy."
"You don't need to tell me what he is because I already know. I've seen it. I've seen what he did to her. We all did." Noris said. "The only thing that matters is that he's no longer a threat."
"He's still alive," Rick growled. "He's a threat."
"We have two men watching that door," he said. "If he manages to break free, we'll take care of it."
"What do you mean he's no longer a threat?" Michonne piped in.
"Because he's infected," A voice said behind them.
Everyone turned around at the sound of the voice. A man in his early thirties with caramel color skin and black hair was descending down the stairs.
"He's very weak and delirious. Given his condition I'd say he has no longer than a day or two left before the fever kills him and he turns." The man said.
"And you are?" William asked.
"Dr. Caleb Subramanian," he said. "Or if you'd like, Dr. S for short."
"I'd like to see Alexis now, please." Rick said.
"Are you Rick Grimes?"
"Yes."
"She's been waiting for you," Dr. S said. "Please, follow me."
Rick turned slightly to look at his group and said, "Stay here. Don't drop your guard not even for a second. William and I will be back shortly."
They quickly climbed the steps two at a time, one hand on the oak banister, to the second floor. A short hallway served two bedrooms and a bath. Up ahead, Dr. S was waiting for them.
"She's been in and out of consciousness." He said, falling into step with them.
"Is she okay?" Rick asked.
"Right now, she's about as good as can be expected. She has a nasty infection in her abdomen and lower right side," he said. "I'm going to have to ask you to not speak loudly. She is very weak and sensitive. All I ask from you two is that you do your best not to upset her."
The two men nodded to the doctor in conformation.
Outside the room, Rick took a deep breath, and Dr. S pushed open the door. They entered the dimly lit room, immediately spotting Alexis in a bed with the curtains drawn shut.
For three long, painful weeks he had not the slightest idea if she was still alive. He dreaded going to sleep at night, hating himself for taking any time off from looking for her. For three weeks he had to watch Alexis's family lose their sanity, but all of that changed with one person.
She was right there, right in front of him, but he couldn't move. Everything seemed so surreal. Her eyes were closed and her lips were slightly parted. She looked peaceful in her sleep, but her body told me a different story. The dark circles under her eyes showed that she wasn't sleeping well and her rigid breathing confirmed that she had trouble breathing. A deep navy blue quilt was lightly draped around her body, making it seem like there was little to her. The quilt covered one of her hands while the other rested beside her face. Her short, blond hair was a complete mess, like it always was when she slept. But despite her frail appearance, she was till the amazingly stunning woman he had known her to be.
Ever so slowly, he moved closer to her. He thought that if he moved too quickly, she might actually disappear.
"She's burning up," William pushed past Rick and turned to Dr. S standing by the door. "Have you given her any NSAID's to bring it down any?"
"Yes," he said. "But unfortunately we're only limited with what we've found here. If the infection she has is not properly treated with the proper antibiotics, she will die."
"What kind of infection does she have?" Rick asked.
"Lymphangitis," he said. "It occurs when viruses and bacteria invade the vessels of the lymphatic system, typically through an infected cut or wound."
Rick turned to William and said, "Tell me you have something that can help her?"
William shook his head. "Not on hand," he said. "But I do have a few vials back at the prison. But there's a possibility that the infection has already spread throughout her system. If that's the case, the antibiotics-"
"Then we'll take her back to the prison and you can treat her there," Rick cut him off quickly, afraid of what he would hear if he finished.
William slowly nodded and turned back to Dr. S. As the two men talked, Rick's eyes drifted back over to Alexis. She looked like she was in pain and it killed him to see her like that.
He moved to her bedside and reached for her hand.
"Alexis," he whispered to her. "Wake up. It's time to leave."
Her brows knitted together as she turned her head from him. She obviously heard him, but felt the need to be stubborn. "Wake up, Alexis."
"Let me sleep, Caleb."
"I'm not Caleb,"
"Let me sleep, Noris."
"I'm not Noris."
She turned toward him, her eyes only half open.
His heart almost stopped as he watched her open her eyes. He had waited weeks to see those beautiful blue orbs again and seeing them made the entire room seem brighter.
"Rick?"
It was all he could do not to break down. "It's me,"
A faint, almost imperceptible smile crossed her lips.
He sifted a hand through the damp strands of her hair as he traced her face with his fingertips. He leaned in, taking her lips in a gentle kiss.
Alexis pulled away, catching her breath.
"I missed you so much," he felt as if he'd been put back together after spending weeks cut in half.
"I know. And I missed you, too." She whispered. The words came out slowly. Labored. "Aubrey...Kate...Did they-"
"Their safe. They're back at the prison."
"And the other survivors? "
"Same."
Her eyelids drooped, her gaze unfocused. "That's good."
He pressed a soft kiss against her fingertips. "I'm sorry," he murmured. "For everything. I should've taken care of you."
"I never asked you to."
"You shouldn't have to ask." He said.
The guilt and anguish in his expression made her chest constrict.
"Stop," she said. "I'd made my decision to go with you. I knew the risks. It was just one of those awful, terrible things that happen sometimes. I'm fine now, and my family along with the other survivors are fine, too. We survived. We're okay."
"You're not okay. You're very sick."
"Yeah...I...uh..."Alexis closed her eyes as she felt the pain flare in her gut, triggering waves of nausea.
"Alexis?"
"I'm dying..."
"You are not dying," Rick suddenly interrupts her thoughts. His voice is urgent and tense. "Alexis. It is not your time yet. You wanted to go to the prison, remember? Aubrey and Kate are there. So are Carl and Judith."
"I remember," She said, but even whispering the words is a challenge. Dizziness began to distort the sights and sounds around her. She is going, She think's. Her eyes are closed and she's ready—
"Alexis!" Rick shouted, leaning toward her. He grabbed her arm. "Alexis! I am talking to you! Come back to me!" he demanded.
Even from a distance, she heard his fear, though he was trying to hide it from her.
What happened next was almost enough to destroy him. Her fever was so high her body began to convulse.
"Excuse me," Dr. S said as he and William flew to her side.
Caleb dug in a black bag and pulled out a small needle.
"What is that?" Rick asked.
"A little cocktail. Or, what's left of it anyway." He removed the cap.
Rick and William watched him carefully has he pumped his lover full of her own personal elixir of life. Almost like magic, her pain and crying stop.
"William, go find the others and tell them that we're ready to leave." Rick barked.
William hesitated a moment, then nodded before leaving the room.
After Caleb pumped her full of the cocktail, Alexis passed out again. The pain on her face had vanished, but now she looked exhausted.
"Where are you all from?"
"Atlanta," Caleb answered. "We've been jumping from place to place; trying to find someplace safe to hide. After being chased down by a small group of those things we ran into her outside on the porch, unconscious. She's a good person, your friend."
Rick was silent a moment and looked over to Alexis. She was a good person and had a big heart when it came to other people. If he left these people behind, he wouldn't be able to bear the look she would give him when she found out.
He turned to Caleb.
"There's a prison a few hours away from here. You and the others are welcome to come back with us. It's the least I can do seeing how you took her in and cared for her."
Caleb gave Rick and smile and shook his hand. "Thank you."
Rick nodded and said, "Let your people know we're leaving. Grab whatever medicine and supplies you have. I'll get Alexis."
"Be careful when moving her. She has open wounds on her abdomen and one on her side. You'll also need to take the I.V. with her."
Rick nodded to let him know that he understood.
He tucked the dark quilt tightly around her as he slowly picked her up.
She moaned in displeasure as her head fell against his shoulder. "It's okay. I have you."
"Rick," Even in her weakened state, she found the energy to talk in her sleep. "Rick."
"Shhh, I'm here."
"Come find me."
He didn't know what to feel at that moment. Apparently she had forgotten that he had come for her, but it was understandable. She's been pumped full of drugs that were doing who knows what to her. She was entitled to her delusions. "I don't want to be here."
"I know. Don't worry. We're going home."
He took the I.V. off of the wall and did his best to keep her steady as he walked down the stairs, but he wasn't careful enough. He felt weak every time she moaned in pain.
Rick reached the bottom of the stairs. Victor's angry screams could still be heard from down the hall. He looked down at Alexis and then turned his head to the door to his left. Oh, the many things he wanted to do to the sick sonofabitch for hurting the woman he loved. The pain he inflicted on her, he wanted to return it tenfold.
"Don't," Daryl's voice broke him from his thoughts. "She wouldn't want you to."
Rick clenched his jaw. Daryl was right, Alexis wouldn't approve of him killing Victor. She'd given Victor the most painful death sentence imaginable; a slow and agonizing death caused by the virus.
He exhaled deeply. And with one final glance at the door where Victor stood chained and defeated, he left the room.
As he stepped onto the porch and headed toward the car, he noticed Michonne making her way over to him out of the corner of his eye. She looked relieved to see her, but concern written all over her face. "Is she ok? Will she make it back?"
"She'll be fine, but we have to hurry." Honestly, he didn't know how long she had. She looked horrible and needed medical attention back at the prison.
Once they were all settled and ready to go, they took off back toward the highway. A few hours later, they were finally home. After every supply run, he was always happy to return home, but this time was different. He felt like a massive weight had been taken away the second the prison came into view.
Alexis stirred in his arms slightly before settling down. "Alexis, we're home."
"I want to go home," she said in her daze.
"You are home and you'll never have to leave again."
~THE WALKING DEAD~
Alexis's condition continued to worsen further over the next few days. She was on the highest dosages of pain medicine that her body could handle, but it never seemed enough. William kept her medication right beside her bed, and they were the first things she reached for when she woke up.
Every few hours the fever made her delirious and she would thrash and cry out. Once she had even cried out for Rick, making him glad to know that, even in her delirium, she thought of him as a protector. Still, her whimpers of pain and upset tore him apart, and it frustrated him that he couldn't comfort her. He spoke to her and cradled her in his arms whenever he could, trying to keep her calm and safe until the medicine took effect.
William entered the room.
"Look who's awake." He patted one of her feet through the blanket, an optimistic smile on his face despite the fact that she'd clearly had better days.
He pulled up a stool and sat beside her. Rick stood back while William inspected the bandages under her shirt. She focused on the gray bunk above her. She knew the infection wasn't getting any better.
"Everything looks good."
She met his eyes once she was covered again.
"William, I've known you for over fifteen years. I...uh...I can tell when you are lying."
Seconds ticked by as she waited for his answer. No matter how many times he reassured her that she was going to be fine, doubt managed to creep through time and again.
"The antibiotics are not working. The infection is spreading at a rapid rate." His voice was serious, hoarse with emotion.
Rick struggled over the next few words, forcing himself to meet his eyes. "Then we'll go out. Look for something else that will work."
"No," Her teeth clattered as her body shook uncontrollably from chills brought on by the high fever. "No more medicine."
Rick shook his head, sadness locking his jaw. "Don't say that," he said. "You can beat this. You've fought tougher things than this. Don't give up. Not after everything we've been through."
She gave a ghostly smile. "This...is one battle...I'm not gonna win." She said. "I guess it was meant to be."
"I don't think you know what you're asking. The fever; you've been delirious more often than not." Rick said.
"I know, don't you think I know? I'm clear now. In a few minutes I may not be." She said. "Rick, I know what I'm asking: I want this. I've cheated death so many times. Hell, for a while I was beginning to think I was immortal or something."
Neither men reacted.
Alexis laughed weakly and said, "That was a joke."
In the room, the two men were silent. She knew they were replaying what she had said to them a moment ago. Her time on earth was ending and she's at peace with whatever comes. She wasn't saddened by this. If anything, it filled her with peace, and she counted the days with a sense of relief and gratitude.
"This...this is good. I'm okay with this. I...I have no regrets." She said. "I can rest knowing that I brought Victor to justice, that I gave closure to all those people. That's all I've ever wanted."
Rick and William remain quiet, but their eyes start to glisten.
With a quiver in Rick's voice he couldn't quite control, he said, "Okay."
~THE WALKING DEAD~
Alexis squeezed Aubrey's hand gently. "Take care of your mommy, okay?"
Aubrey nodded.
Alexis smiled weakly at Aubrey and wiped a smudge of dirt off of her cheek. "I'm sorry I'm not gonna be around to see you grow up. I've missed so much. So much." She said. "I love you. I will always love you. You have to take care of them now. You have to take care of each other. You have to be strong. Aubrey, the hardest thing in this world... is to live in it. Be brave. Live. For me."
Kate's eyes burned with emotion, and she wiped away a tear that fell.
Alexis turned her gaze to meet Kate's.
"Don't cry for me, I will be okay. I want you to be happy and try to stay strong." She said. "It's just my time. But maybe I will see you again someday on the other side."
Kate grabbed for her sister's hand and squeezed it tightly. "I love you,"
Alexis squeezed back. "I love you too,"
William took Kate's elbow gently as he led her and Aubrey toward the door. After a moment, he came back and sat down beside Alexis.
"I'm so sorry. I failed you. It was my job to save you and now you're going to die. Because I was not a good enough doctor to keep you alive."
Guilt was written plainly on William's face.
"That's not true," Alexis closed her eyes.
"It is."
She opened her eyes and exhaled deeply before turning her head to meet William's gaze. "Do you know what tomorrow is? It's a new day. There's gonna be more people here and out there who need you to save them. Someone's mother, someone's kid, someone's husband. They need you to save them, because they can't save themselves. So learn from this, better yourself, and you will be better for next time. "
"What if I'm not?"
"You will be."
"How can you know that?"
"Because you're not a quitter. You never have been. This experience will make you work harder, and it will make you better."
William gave her a warm smile.
"How do you do that?" He asked.
"Do what?"
"How do you make everything feel like it's all gonna be okay?"
Alexis smiled. "Because I just have that feeling."
William squeezed her hand. "I want you to know that I had never loved anyone the way I loved you. You really are the most amazing woman I've ever met. And our daughter is this perfect little extension of you. Cute as hell and smart as a whip. I couldn't help but fall in love with her too. I felt so lucky to be her dad."
Alexis let out a shaky breath, "She's not mine, William. She never was."
He lowered his eyes, focusing on the small tear in the blanket.
"You must hate me for not telling her," he mumbled.
"I did at first. I wanted to hunt you down and place a bullet in each of your knee caps and leave you to the Walkers," she laughed unexpectedly, then coughed and found herself reaching for a bottle of water that wasn't there.
He pushed back from his chair. "Let me get you some water," he said. He grabbed a bottle of water sitting on the metal sink and placed it before her. As she drank, she could feel him watching her.
"But as much as it pained me that night to hear Aubrey calling her mommy, to see that bond they shared with one another, a bond that I'll never get to experience with her, I couldn't bring myself to hate you." She said. "You protected her, you fed her and more importantly you made her feel safe. That's all I've ever wanted. I just wanted to know that she was okay. And she is, with the two of you."
William managed a smile.
"Please don't forget Kate if anything happens to me. And promise that you'll always treasure her the same way I do." She said. Her voice was a ragged whisper.
"Alexis..."
"Don't say anything, William." She raised a hand, either to stop him or in farewell. "Just remember what I said, okay?"
When she turned away, he knew their conversation was over.
William squeezed her hand gently before he left, saying something to Rick that she couldn't focus on.
After a moment, Carl entered the room, bracing himself for the worst. Alexis sat propped up in the bed with an IV connected to her arm. She looked exhausted, and her skin was so pale that it was almost translucent. She'd lost even more weight since she'd returned, and as he stared at her, all he could think was that she was dying. Only the kindness in her eyes was unaffected.
"Hey," he said.
She looked too tired to smile, but she managed. "Did you bring it?"
He nodded slowly. "Yeah,"
"Open it,"
Carl unzipped the backpack. Inside, were over a dozen comics in protective Mylar sleeves, the characters on the covers completely alien to him. Some of the comics looked very old, and they were probably worth some money if the world hadn't gone to hell.
"Those were mine when I was about your age," she said. "I thought you could use some new reading material."
He smiled faintly as he approached the bed. "Thanks."
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath as wave of nausea clenched tight at her stomach. After a moment the nausea passed and she opened her eyes.
"It's okay to be scared. Feeling afraid doesn't make you weak or incapable or inadequate. It doesn't make you a disappointment or a failure. It makes you human. We all feel scared sometimes. Whether we're afraid of taking a step forward in recovery, afraid of being vulnerable, afraid of a new experience, or afraid of being honest and using our voice, life is scary and overwhelming for all of us. But that doesn't mean you give up."
"You will make mistakes. You will trip and fall and take wrong turns. But you will also grow. You will discover who you are and what you're capable of. You will learn what makes your heart sing and where your passions lie. And you will recognize with incredible clarity that you are so much stronger than you ever gave yourself credit for. You will discover that you can feel the fear and do it anyway." She said. "Stepping out of your comfort zone is scary. But it's outside of your comfort zone where life and fulfillment and growth and adventure lie. So the next time you feel incapacitated by your fear, ask yourself, what is the worst thing that can happen if I take this step? Ask yourself, what is the best thing that could happen? What will I miss out on if I continue to let this fear control me? And what will I gain and discover if I let go of the fear and take this leap?"
"Finding the courage to face what feels difficult and unbearable isn't easy, but it is possible. It starts when you believe in yourself. It starts when you realize the things you're afraid of are not nearly as scary as what you miss out on when you give into the fear. It starts with small steps forward each day. And it starts with you." She said.
His throat was tight. "Okay," was all he could think to say.
She grew quiet, and he knew she would say no more about it. In time, she drifted off to sleep, and he stood there watching her, his mind curiously blank.
~THE WALKING DEAD~
Rick caught her hand, caressing his thumb again around the place where the IV connected to her vein. He lowered his lips to her skin, pressing softly. He didn't speak. He simply caressed her hand lightly. His jaw was tight, his full lips drawn up even tighter.
She wanted to kiss him then, coax out the man she loved and soothe the pain that still lingered within him. She reached up tentatively and cupped his cheek in her palm. He turned into her gesture, placing his hand over hers and turning her palm up to kiss it gently before pulling it down onto the bed between them.
"Don't look so upset," she said, her voice weak.
"I can't help it," he said. "I just got the woman I love back only to have her taken away from me again."
"You can live without me," she told him. "You did before."
"I was a mess before we met," he said. "What's gonna happen after..."
"Nothing," she cut him short. "Because you're going to go back to doing what you do best. You're going to lead these people. You're going to keep them safe, your children safe from people like the Victor and from people like the Governor."
"What if I can't?"
Alexis gave him a warm smile and said, "You're Rick Grimes. You'll find a way."
As she told him, his eyes never left hers. "I love you, Alexis." he croaked.
"I know," she said, her expression tender. "Will you kiss me?"
He leaned over then, kissing her tenderly and passionately. Everything was going to be different now, and he wondered whether he would change.
Slowly, Alexis drew back and in a weak voice she said, "Thank you for being so good to me."
~THE WALKING DEAD~
At the prison, Rick stepped out of the prison and made the short walk toward Alexis McKay's grave.
She had died two days later, in her sleep, with Rick on the stool next to her. Rick couldn't bring herself to speak of the details. The moments in which he watched his lover draw her last breaths felt intensely private to him, and he knew he would never speak of them to anyone. Being at her side as she left this world was a gift that she had given him, and only him, and he would never forget how solemn and intimate it had felt.
The day after her funeral, William and his family left for Washington in hopes of locating the safe zone. William clung to Alexis's final words to him. He was going to help people, but to do so, he needed to work on a cure. The remaining of William's people who were brought back to the prison after the war with Victor, stayed behind.
Finally reaching the site, he noticed that the flowers he'd left the morning of her funeral were still there, but they'd been moved to the side. Probably by Hershel when he'd cleaned around her site. Squatting, Rick plucked at a few weeds near the grave that had been missed.
His thoughts drifted back to Alexis, and he was gripped by a sense of intense loneliness. His life, he knew, had been cursed from the beginning, and closing his eyes, he said a final prayer for Alexis.
Reaching into his back pocket, he pulled out the envelope. Unfolding it, he ran his finger over his name. Turning the envelope over, he pried it open. The letter was a single page long, written in the same beautiful handwriting he'd noticed on the envelope. And with that, he slowly began to read:
My Dearest Rick,
I write this letter in the library, uncertain where I should begin. We both know why you're reading this letter and what it means. And I am sorry for what you must be enduring.
Sadly, unlike you I have never been good with words. But I want to try. You deserve it, not just because you're my lover, but because of the man you are.
I tell myself that I should begin with something romantic, a memory or gesture that captures the kind of lover you have been to me: the evening in the watchtower when we first made love, for example, the night after our first kiss, when you presented me with that horribly disgusting drink to cure me with my hangover. Or perhaps I should speak of your encouraging advice, or the feel of your gaze on me as I removed the weeds from the garden. And yet, in truth it is in the quiet details of our life together where I have found the most meaning. Your smile when I woke up beside you always made my heart leap, and the moment in which you reached for my hand never failed to reassure me of the rightness of the world. For this, I have loved you in return, more than you will ever know.
I know you are struggling, and I am so sorry that I am not able to comfort you. It feels inconceivable that I will never be able to do so again. My plea to you is this: despite your sadness, do not forget how happy you have made me; do not forget that I loved a man who loved me in return, and this was the greatest gift I could ever have hoped to receive.
I am smiling as I write this, and I hope you can find it in yourself to smile as you read this. Do not drown yourself in grief. Instead, remember me with joy, for this is how I always thought of you. That is what I want, more than anything. I want you to smile when you think of me. And in your smile, I will live forever.
I know you miss me terribly. I miss you, too. But we still have each other, for I am—and always have been—part of you. You carry me in your heart, just as I carried you in mine, and nothing can ever change that. I love you, my darling, and you love me. Hold on to that feeling. Hold on to us. And little by little, you will find a way to heal.
Alexis
When Rick finished reading the letter, he wiped his tears and ran his finger over the pages before slipping them back into the envelope. He sat quietly, thinking about the words that Alexis had written, already knowing he would do exactly as Alexis had asked.
A/N:First of all, thank you to all my readers who have gone on this journey with me for the past year and a half. This story would have never gotten finished without all of your encouragement.
Thank you Robert Kirkman for creating such a colorful world of characters. You have inspired so many people to write stories of their own that take place in your world. All I'm asking is that you make Rick/Alexis cannon. Please? Pretty please? :P
I'm working on another plot so keep checking my page for updates. Happy Holidays everyone. Don't forget to drop a review!