Chapter 20:
Carol's breathing came ragged and chased. She wasn't used to spending her time with someone so utterly inapt at surviving. Most of the people they had encountered since being out on the road had learned how to cope with walkers, had learned how to cope outside alone.
Eric's clumsiness and attachment to such ordinary things as license plates took her back to the very beginning and the many mistakes they had made. If she had to summarise the experience in one word it was tiring. She couldn't count on Eric to have her back and was constantly forced to be watchful.
Still, he wasn't a child or one of her guardians and so she saw no reason to stop him when he got the ridiculous idea of putting his life on the line for the sake of some old piece of metal. But she did follow him to keep an eye on things…just in case.
One night had passed and a second one was just beginning to fall and there was still no sign of Daryl or Aaron. In the meantime, Eric and her had been cooped up together with very little to say. Perhaps he really just needed something to distract him from the never-ending thoughts of concern and fear. She could sympathise with that.
The idea itself remained a stupid one nonetheless. The noise he was making soon drew the attention of a group of walkers and before they knew it they had to make a run for it. She fought them off as best as she could, always thinking about Daryl and how enraged he would be if he knew how Eric had risked their lives like that.
It was while they were on the run that Carol noticed just how dangerous Eric's fear and inexperience made him. He had no stamina and he was so scared that he stumbled and tripped over his own feet.
She turned around then and tried backtracking but another handful of walkers had shown up and were making it impossible. She stood in the middle of the darker growing street, caught between saving herself and risking her life to save his, half expecting to hear those anguished screams again. But instead something unexpected happened: a flash of bright red light flared up and dug itself into one of the walkers' skulls, followed closely by a second one that illuminated the night sky.
The remaining walkers stayed where they were, staring dumbfounded up to the red sparkling light, momentarily distracted. And Carol reacted instinctively. She raced back to the car under which Eric had sought shelter and dragged him out.
"We have to hide somewhere else," she whispered anxiously and he nodded, leaning onto her for support.
"You go ahead, I can't run and I won't let you die for my stupidity."
Her glance fell onto his foot and she noticed instantly that it stood at an awkward angle. But she knew now that she could trust him and so abandoning him was not an option.
"I'll help you," she told him determinedly and wrapping an arm around him started leading him away.
It wasn't long before the snarls returned behind them.
"This is going to hurt." Was all she could tell him before she increased her pace and dragged him along and into the nearest building where she sat him down on the floor before hurriedly securing the door.
When she turned around to him again she could see that he was as pale as a sheet and close to passing out.
"I'm sorry," she smiled ruefully, "I know your ankle must be in terrible pain but we wouldn't have made it otherwise."
"Don't apologise," he replied and gave her a weak smile that seemed to drain his last bit of energy, "you just saved my life."
"I couldn't just abandon you." She explained with her housewife-y smile and then sank down to examine his injury.
In the end she didn't know how long they remained locked away in the deserted building. It could've been hours or minutes – impossible to tell unless you carried a watch on your belt – but she was surprised to see that a new day hadn't already begun when she eventually stuck her head outside to check if the area was clear.
Eric had finally fallen asleep but she hadn't been able to. Daryl had promised her to meet soon, had told her to take off if he hadn't returned within three days. Now it was almost time and her worries threatened to eat her alive.
Where the hell was he? And what the hell had happened?
She was just about to slide the door closed again when the first gun shots rang through the air. Flinching she reached for her colt and peered into the dark. More gun shots, then everything went quiet. A second later another flare lit up the sky, just like the one Eric had used.
She glanced back inside the building where Eric was still sleeping and then made up her mind. Cocking her weapon she stepped outside, drew the door shut and began jogging down the street and towards the direction the gunfire seemed to have emanated from. There were footsteps all around her and muffled voices. Somebody was cursing. The bushes whispered and branches broke and then a herd emerged from the forest. She aimed the gun higher and then suddenly relaxed.
"Everything alright?" she smiled at Daryl's sweaty face and he nodded in return.
"Sorry for all the commotion," Rick returned, wiping his forehead, "we ran into some trouble."
The eye contact between them was strained and uncomfortable and Carol's attempts at searching for something to say were interrupted by Aaron.
"Is he okay? I saw his flare!"
"Walkers," she smiled and shrugged, "he twisted his ankle but he's alright. We were hiding out in that building."
She paused and pointed.
"Oh thank God," Aaron breathed and squeezed her shoulder in passing before heading off to see his partner.
"You think we can trust 'em alone together?" Rick asked, staring pensively after Aaron's retreating form.
Carol glanced at Daryl and they both shrugged.
"Might as well if we're following them to Alexandria."
"We could all use a rest though," Glenn chimed in, wrapping his arm around Maggie.
"That hall is big enough. Go ahead."
And then they all emerged from the forest, the family that she had thought to have lost. Glenn and Maggie, Rick, Carl and Judith, Sasha and Michonne. But there were also terrible gaps for which there could only be one explanation. No Tyreese, no Bob and unfortunately also no Beth. There were new faces in their stead. They all looked tired and eyed her just as warily as she eyed them but Carol believed them to be trustworthy if Rick had chosen to let them join.
They made a beeline for the hall but the others all stopped by to embrace her. For that she was more grateful than they could ever know and yet…and yet there was a lingering tension whenever she glanced at Rick.
"Ya alright?" Daryl checked as well and she automatically leaned into the familiar warmth of his body, giving his arm a squeeze.
"Mmh…much better now. Now go get some sleep."
He hummed and shrugged and then glanced towards Rick. "I think he wants a word with you."
She let Daryl go and approached the other man with trepidation which she hoped wasn't too visible. To make up for it she straightened her spine and tilted her chin up ever so slightly. She didn't want to appear hostile but she also wanted to make it clear that she wouldn't let him walk all over her again.
"Daryl said you wanted a word?"
Rick hummed and shifted, hands on his belt; an uneasy stand-off.
"Yeah," he finally nodded, "Tyreese told me what you did. Said you came just in time to save my daughter…twice."
"I heard a baby cry," she shrugged, "I did what I had to do."
"It's appreciated," he smiled strained, looking tired, "more than you know."
She tried mirroring his smile and watched the rest of the group slip into the hall.
"He also told me that you had told him about Karen and David…"
"I had to," she sighed, "he deserved to handle the situation as he saw fit."
"And he proved me wrong again," Rick nodded, "you proved me wrong."
"I didn't expect him to forgive me either." Carol admitted quietly.
"He knew you, he knew you better than I did although he'd only just met you. My actions could've killed you and I'm sorry."
Carol wrapped her arms around herself and marveled at the still unfamiliar sensation of a man apologizing to her.
"You made a judgement call and I did the same…in the end we both just did what we thought to be in the best interest for the group."
Rick sighed anew and his hands relaxed, then he stepped towards her and pulled her into his embrace.
"I'm so glad to find you alive."
Carol gave his body a squeeze before retreating.
"Me too. We thought we'd lost you all. When we arrived at Terminus…we…"
"It was terrible. We were all shepherded into this trap despite taking precautions. When I arrived with Carl and Michonne and saw the watch Hershel had given Glenn on someone else…I just knew that we'd made a mistake. We opened fire but they had the advantage. They locked us away in one of those goddamn carriages…we met Glenn there and Maggie and Ty and Judith. It was a relief seeing them because I knew that we stood a chance again…we could fight our way out of there…especially since Glenn had met Abe and the others on the road….so we had extra manpower."
Carol listened quietly, trying to match the name to one of the new faces.
"We prepared and prepared but in the end it was no good. They took Glenn and I and some others …were gonna slaughter us like pigs."
"We saw," Carol replied darkly, "we saw all those halls and all the things they'd taken off you. How did you get out of there in the end?"
Rick scoffed and shook his head.
"Pure dumb luck. We were about to be slaughtered…there was no way out. Then suddenly we heard gunfire. It distracted our capturers but not long enough for us to act. But then the explosion came and we took over. When we emerged from the building we encountered a battle field. Shots were fired all around us. This gang of people was fighting against the people of Terminus, walkers started infiltrating the grounds….chaos. So we took off, we ran back to the carriage, freed our people and tried to run. Bob had Judith when he got bitten….we didn't have the time to amputate. He deteriorated soon…we found shelter at Father Gabriel's church and Sasha put him out of his misery."
Carol nodded and smiled comfortingly. There was always a sense of failure when they couldn't save one of their group and always a sense of loss, no matter how long they'd known each other.
"Daryl lost Beth," she offered, "he was with her after the prison…they stuck together until their place got overrun. They were separated then and Beth was abducted."
"He told me," Rick replied, looking suddenly much older and much more tired, "and I had to tell him that we saw her die…"
"So she was taken to Terminus?" Carol asked, remembering the altar room and the crosses on the car Daryl had mentioned.
"No…we never saw her there. We were at the church….wondering where to go next….Abraham and his crew were on a mission and burning to go elsewhere but my people…they weren't well. We were tired, hunted, hungry…I decided to stay…next day while Abraham and the rest took off, we went on a run and we met this kid, Noah. He was in a state of panic, very hostile, dying to run. When we pinned him down he told us he needed to get back to Atlanta to help a friend called Beth who had helped him escape from this confined community. We pressed him for more information and what he told us was so shocking…so similar to the governor that we got our weapons and headed back to Atlanta with him. We had a strategy and it would've worked…it could've worked…but in the end…" he shook his head, his hands balled so tightly that his knuckles turned white "Dawn…their leader refused to play ball. She forced our hand…demanded to keep Noah although that wasn't part of the deal. It was Beth who killed her…it all happened so fast, "he stopped and rubbed his face, "one moment her face twisted into a grimace, the next a gun went off and Beth was dead. We were shell-shocked…most of all Maggie, of course. Noah stayed with us….reckon he felt guilty…"
Carol thought back to the previous moment when the kid had emerged from the forest. His shoulders sloped, his eyes directed to the ground. Her heart ached for them, all of them but most of all Daryl. It certainly explained why he'd looked so beaten. If only they had their privacy still, if only she could talk to him.
"Wandered around after that," Rick eventually continued, "Noah wanted to check on his family…but his neighbourhood was overrun, everyone dead…and Tyreese got bitten. We amputated his arm but it was too late. That happened a week ago…shook us all…"
He closed his mouth, then opened it only to close it again. It seemed he had run out of words to express their misery.
She felt lead in the pit of her stomach. The old, numbing emptiness that came with a particularly painful loss. Tears were pooling in her eyes but she hurriedly blinked them away. Instead, she tried telling herself that Tyreese was at peace now but it didn't replace the hollow feeling inside. Another sweet, kind and strong soul lost but forever living on in the grief written all over Sasha's face.
"I'm sorry," Rick hugged her again and then they began walking back towards the hall as well.
"He was better than me…I wish that would've been enough."
Rick nodded in sympathy and understanding and allowed the silence between them to expand.
The low hum of voices in the hall came as a stark contrast but still wordlessly they went their separate ways. Rick secured the door and then settled down with his children, Michonne, Glenn and Maggie who were sharing some of the food Aaron and Eric had brought while Carol passed those who preferred to remain alone, passed the newcomers and the couple that was checking up on each other's injuries until she found Daryl and lied down by his side.
There were a million thoughts running through her mind – pieces of the puzzle that were still missing, that needed further explanations; a million things she wanted to say to comfort him but he wouldn't let her in front of everyone else, he wouldn't even let himself feel it yet. So she stared up at the dark ceiling, coming to terms with the fresh grief and settled for holding his hand.