Note: I'm so sorry for neglecting uploading to this website, *bows* Forgive me. I hadn't abandoned this I had just been on AO3. I'll be good from now on.
My love, I know. You only want to help
My love, forgive me, when I always yelp
My dear, this fear, constantly consumes me
My dear, stay here, forgive this fragility.
I'm the one who is causing my pain.
But I hurt you more, when I can't restrain.
Although the next morning should have felt awkward after their abrupt bonding over misfortune last night, it didn't. Whether it was because Arthur had forgotten all about it or simply chose to completely ignore it, Francis had no idea, but he was certainly appreciative that there was at least peace in the house. The next few days in the house were fairly uneventful. Francis continued to clean up the house and cook meals. Alfred and Matthew went to school and argued bitterly from time to time when they got home. Arthur sent off emails to clients when he had gotten enough energy to get out of his fetal position on the couch.
It was Friday morning and Alfred and Matthew were chattering over cereal.
"Tee Gee Aii Eff." Enunciated Alfred, leaning back to drink the sweet milk left behind from his sugary marshmallow cereal.
"I'm so glad it's finally the weekend." Said Matthew, getting up to bring his bowl to the sink and toss the rest of the soggy loops out, rinsing it a little under the faucet so that Francis would have less work to do. "And we don't even have that much homework right now."
"Oh man, don't get your hopes up." Said Alfred, licking his lips. "Dude, how much you wanna bet that they're just stockpiling it all so they can screw us during Thanksgiving?"
Matthew looked up, quirking an eyebrow in slight confusion. Then he nodded, finally understanding. "I mean- it's the Harvest Festival, but you're right. I hate those packets."
"No way, I don't care where I am- that week is Thanksgiving, plain and simple." Said Alfred with a stubborn grin.
"We don't have Thanksgiving in England, Alfred." Said Matthew flatly, a little annoyed. "Just accept it already." He picked up his polar bear water bottle, looking in the refrigerator to find something to fill it with. Alfred narrowed his eyes in displeasure at the attitude Matthew was giving him all of the sudden. It really ground on him the wrong way.
"Wow, Mom goes into labor in Vancouver and suddenly you think you're not American-" said Alfred. "Come on! Where's your sense of patriotism!"
Matthew gripped the edge of the fridge tightly at the mention of their mother and glared at Alfred, visibly straining to hold his temper, teeth clenched. "Look…I dont care where I'm from, this is where I am now, okay?" he said, taking out the jug of orange juice.
"Sounds like someone woke up on the-"
"Say it and I'll make you smell like Florida." Said Matthew, turning around with a gleam in his eyes, holding up the orange juice. Alfred frowned and slammed his hand on the table before standing up.
"God you're an asshole. Fine- you win." Scowled Alfred, stomping towards his brother. Matthew stepped back for a moment, almost fearing retaliation, but Alfred reached into the bottom shelf of the fridge. "I'm not going to deal with you like this all day."
Matthew looked up, his hands tightening around the bottle and the jug. "Stop..Stop…" said Matthew, his voice growing soft and tired again. "It's okay."
Alfred looked up, not letting go of the bottle he had grabbed. "You sure?! Cause I already told you-"
"I'm sorry…" said Matthew, looking away.
Alfred frowned and stood up, slowly closing the refrigerator door. "I wasn't really going to-"
"I know." Said Matthew, looking down.
"I care about you bro…lighten up." Said Alfred, hugging Matthew gently and rubbing his head. Matthew sighed and shook his head.
"Yeah…I love you too." He said.
Just then, Francis walked into the kitchen and Alfred pulled away from the hug immediately, smirking up at Francis. "Hey Franny! So what are you planning to do this weekend?"
"Oh, nothing special really." Said Francis with a thin smile, taking Alfred's bowl from the table and bringing it to the sink. " I can talk to Arthur and maybe we can think of an idea of something to do together when you get home, if you like?"
"We should go catch the underground soon." Said Matthew, glancing at the clock and filling his bottle with juice before putting it back in the fridge, stealing a sharp glance at Francis and reaching into the bottom shelf before Alfred pulled him away by the sleeve.
"Yup! We're gonna be late!" he said, lightly kicking the door closed again and ushering Matthew out of the kitchen, grabbing both of their knapsacks in one swoop.
"Alfred! Let go of me!" complained Matthew, taking a quick sip from his bottle and holding it close before he finally detangled himself from the other's grip and started after him out the door.
"Be careful before you both trip!" called out Francis in worry, scurrying after them as they both darted down the stairs. He'd never seen Alfred so eager to go to school before, maybe he was just excited about the prospect of family activities that afternoon and wanted to get the drudgery of education over with as soon as possible. Francis smiled fondly and closed the front door, pondering the possibilities. It would do them all some good if they went outside and enjoyed the brisk fall before the weather got too cold. But what would be something they could all consider fun?
Francis made his way to Arthur's bedroom. The other was a pretty deep sleeper, so he never stirred when Francis got up in the morning, even when the other man didn't take pains to be quiet. He was at least happy to know that it wasn't because of alcoholic blackouts. Francis only let Arthur have just enough to keep the worst feelings away, but inwardly he worried if this was the right decision. He still was just a man after all, knowing nothing about dosages. All he knew was that withdrawal was a bitch, he could deal with that part at least.
He touched Arthur's shoulder gently, shaking to wake him up.
"Nnngh.." Groaned Arthur, nuzzling into the pillow. He had been doing fairly well this week on Francis' regime, but it was taking an obvious toll. His cravings had become stronger, as did both the physical and psychological turmoil. Arthur's solution was to merely sleep as long as possible to minimize how often he was aware of his own suffering. Francis nudged him again. Arthur always got a little better after some breakfast.
"What…Whaaat? What do you want?" huffed Arthur in irritation, blearily opening his eyes and shrugging Francis' shoulders off. "I'll get up when I want to, get off my back."
"You crashed early last night, I figured you should get your lazy rump up early as well, now let's move it!" chirped Francis, clapping his hands. Arthur jerked at that sharp sound, covering his eyes.
"Oooh I despise you." He snarled, opening his eyes and thinking of how peaceful death would be. Francis pulled Arthur's hands away and leaned over him with a coy expression.
"It's Friday."
"Yes, it is, whats your point?" asked Arthur. Francis only nodded and leaned in closer.
"It's Friday." He repeated.
"Yes- what about-.." Arthur paused, his eyes growing wide for a moment. "Friday…So-"
Francis nodded. "It's been a week." Arthur's mood, although still generally ornery, had improved remarkably since that fateful day, which almost felt more like 2 years ago. Still, he couldn't believe that he had more or less managed not getting knock down drunk for so long. Sure, he couldn't exactly say he was sober but that thought brought fear deep into Arthur's bones more than anything else. Arthur shook his head and pulled his hands away, sitting up.
"There are going to be many more weeks now. You can leave it all behind you now. We all will." Said Francis.
"Piss off." Said Arthur, flipping the covers off and standing up. "Leave what behind?…You act as though it's some kind of accomplishment!" said Arthur, bringing a hand to his face. "One week…One week. One week of miserable nothingness again regardless, without even hard liquor to comfort me!" he exclaimed, turning around. Francis recoiled a bit at Arthur's look, almost fearing being stricken. Arthur stomped closer, slowly. "Where did you put the rum?" he demanded.
"No!" said Francis, standing up and making Arthur stop in his advance. "Calm down Arthur, I'm not going to put up with this!"
"Heh…should have thought about that before you woke me up then!" said Arthur. "You come in here and act like some kind of…kind of saint but you're not!"
"I never pretend to anything I'm not!" shouted Francis, his cheeks growing red. This was the thanks he got. For being so empathetic to the emotions of others, only to get kicked when he was down every single time. "I'm not a doctor, I'm not a nun, I'm not maid! What the hell do I have to do for you to stop being so cruel?"
"I'm the one who's cruel?!" huffed Arthur., pointing his finger at Francis "You must be absolutely insane! You're the one who's in my house and-"
"And what Arthur?" said Francis, grabbing Arthur's wrist. "You want to point the finger at me for all the oooh so BAD things I did?
"Let go of me!" screamed Arthur, lifting up his other hand to hit Francis, but Francis caught the other one too, restraining Arthur by pushing him against the wall. Arthur struggled and roared, too stunned by Francis' boldness to have the strength to kick and flail.
Francis' eyes were dilated, panting. He wanted so badly to just leave. His mind was racing, thoughts of his own suffering going through his mind. And Arthur continued treating him like dirt. Just because Arthur was going through his own emotional turmoils, it didn't give him the right to walk all over Francis. Arthur stopped struggling, looking away and calming down, although still panting. "Okay..I.. Let go..you can let go of me now." Said Arthur.
"Yeah? I'm not so sure about that? Are you only saying that because you're scared?" asked Francis. "Is the dangerous homeless dirty criminal going to mug you? Going to shank you and leave you for dead in an alley?"
"That's not who you are-" said Arthur.
"THEN WHY WONT YOU STOP SEEING ME LIKE THAT!" shouted Francis, tightening his grip on Arthur's wrists. Seeing Arthur wince made Francis's heart skipped and he swallowed, taking a deep breath and letting go, keeping Arthur pinned to the wall by holding him by the shoulder. "Why- do…you never… appreciate the things I do-?" asked Francis.
Arthur shook his head, trying to touch Francis' wrists and push them away. "I- I do, " he said. "You are a good person, truly but- I …I never wanted any of this! I never wanted you in my life!"
Francis sucked his teeth, wounded by Arthur's honesty. "You…little disgusting piglet." He huffed. "How could you be so ungrateful?"
"BECAUSE!" shouted Arthur, looking up with tears in his eyes, his eyebrows knitted together in agony. "YOU'RE NOT HER!"
Francis took a step back at that eruption, the message a far harder blow to him than the volume. The lava was cooling now, as Arthur's voice cracked and he slid down the wall, covering his eyes. "You do everything she did in this house…But…you're…not…her." He weeped pathetically.
"Arthur…" said Francis, kneeling down and taking a deep breath, watching the grown man sob into his knees. "I know…I know I'm not Hana-"
"Don't!" warned Arthur, lifting his head up and gritting his teeth, big globs of tears snaking down his cheeks. "Shut up! SHUT UP! Don't do this to me! Francis- stop…stop."
"What do you want me to stop doing Arthur…please.." Begged Francis. "I'm tired of these outbursts- I can't take it either."
"It's all my fault. " Said Arthur, covering his face again. "I know I'm the one who caused all the pain…but stop…stop Francis, please.
"Stop what, Arthur?" asked Francis, touching Arthur's knee. Arthur looked up and looked at Francis, touching his cheek and stroking it gently, his eyes soft and watery. He hiccuped softly and smiled weakly.
"Stop being Hana."
Notes: Another year another nanowrimo, and again this fic is back off hiatus! Minor life update:
Going back to school in February, this time I'm going to Academy of Art in San Francisco (online) and one of my new years resolution is to have 10 chapters of AAOPS written up. While I do that, I should also be posting and updating Nothing Funny About Humor in January, which is going to be nice to look at if you enjoy extremely dark themes, fruk and shota. Anyway, I hope you guys find this chapter okay! I did go over it twice in editing but let know if you think I should make the pacing faster or include more characters or dialouge or just inner feelings or settings? I'm normally fairly confident in my writing, but the drafts I'm editing are starting to get old. Also, please tell me if you're starting to notice any glaring contradictions or plot holes! To be perfectly fair, I'm not waiting to make each chapter perfect before its rolled out because If i did, i would be waiting so long that I'd give up on this project before doing anything else. :( Anyway, I super appreciate all feedback, and if you'd like to get in contact with me directly, here are other places I can be reached!
Twitter: Yaoimeowmaster
Email: meowmaster5 Also, if any of you guys like my art, (I draw furry and femboy yaoi) go check out my ! Yaoimeowmaster. In any case, kudos, comments and bookmarks always mean the world to me, I'm so happy you all love my story. Cheers and Happy New Year!