"Mommy, when are we going home?"

Ana looked up from where she was cooking dinner to find Teddy sitting on the floor against a counter playing with some toy cars he'd found in a toy box in his room. That morning after Christian had left for work with Sawyer, she and Teddy had gone to the hospital after Taylor and Gail returned from Aspen to visit with Kate and Ava. Teddy had been utterly fascinated by his new baby cousin and had begged to hold her. Once he was seated very firmly in his chair and had stopped bouncing, Ana had shown her son how to hold his arms and placed the baby in his lap. Teddy had held Ava for nearly an hour, and neither Ana nor Kate could remember the last time he'd sat so still for so long. Before Kate took the baby back for a feeding, Teddy had placed the sweetest little kiss on Ava's forehead, nearly causing Ana to burst into tears from cuteness overload.

"He'll be a great big brother one day," Kate hinted while Teddy colored in the corner.

Ana smiled a little, but didn't comment. When they'd gotten back to the apartment, it was time for Teddy's nap, leaving Ana with time for herself. At first she'd wandered the halls, reacquainting herself with Escala then found herself outside the locked playroom door. Briefly she considered going on a hunt for the key and taking a trip down memory lane, but settled on heading to the library to read until her son woke. Now with about half an hour before Christian and Sawyer walked back into the apartment, Ana had decided to give Gail another night off and make a meal for her and her family.

"Soon, baby," she finally told Teddy, kneeling down to meet his eyes. "You miss home?"

"Yeah," he replied, pushing his cars around the floor. "I miss my bed."

She smiled, reaching over to ruffle his hair a bit. "I miss mine, too, baby boy." She hesitated briefly. "Did you enjoy holding the baby today?"

Teddy beamed at her. "Yeah," he replied. "She was really small."

"Yes, she was," Ana agreed. "You used to be that small."

Teddy's little brow furrowed as he processed this information as though wondering whether his mother was teasing him or not. Eventually Teddy's focus went back to his little toy cars. "Can you and Daddy have one, too?"

Ana stared dumbly at her son. The question had been so matter-of-fact and innocent, and it hadn't been one she had expected to hear from Teddy. She and Christian hadn't quite worked out how they were going to tell their son he was about to be a big brother—Christian, on the occasions they discussed it, nearly went into panic mode when Ana brought up the possibility that this could open up the entire where do babies come from? conversation. Clearly he wasn't yet ready to have that talk with his son. "Maybe one day," Ana answered her son's question. "Would you like that?"

Teddy nodded eagerly.

Trying not to laugh at her son's face, Ana returned the nod and started to stand to continue on with dinner. It wasn't long before she heard the elevator door open and Teddy's excited exclamation of "Daddy!" as he ran across the apartment to greet his father. Ana remained at the stove, listening with one ear as Teddy went into a fast-paced account of his day. She only looked away from the stove when her son's voice grew louder and clearer and found Christian leaning against the kitchen bar with Teddy in his arms as he listened very intently, nodding seriously in parts as Teddy rambled on, playing with Christian's tie.

When Teddy paused for breath, Christian took the opportunity to greet his wife with a far too brief kiss. "Hello, Mrs. Grey," he said quietly, smiling. "I missed you today."

Feeling proud for some reason, Ana smiled back. "Did you now?" she replied airily, turning away to take the chicken she'd been making for dinner from the oven.

"Yes, I did."

It was a moment before she realized Teddy wasn't in the room anymore, and she smiled more widely when Christian slipped his arms around her waist to rest his hands over her baby bump then began kissing her, nipping at the skin between her neck and shoulder. His hands moved lower down her hips and Ana gasped when his fingers brushed lightly between her hips. "Christian," she admonished, trying desperately to regulate her breathing and reaction. "I'm in the middle of making dinner and our son is wide awake and running around."

She felt Christian smirk against her neck. "And?" he shot back smugly, pressing closer so she could feel his growing erection against her back.

"And..." She wondered if she should bring up her thoughts right now. Fuck it... "And I spent several minutes this afternoon standing outside the playroom, then another hour or two imagining what you might do to me if you took me back in there."

She hadn't been certain what reaction she'd been expecting from him, but this certainly hadn't been it. Christian's entire body tensed and she felt his arms drop from around her, immediately feeling cold. Confused, she turned around to find her husband had moved back to lean against the bar again, his face wary and slightly afraid. Her heart skipped a couple beats.

"Christian?" she asked softly, tentatively moving forward a few steps towards him. He watched her every move as though waiting for her to attack him and when she stopped directly in front of him, he swallowed hard. "What?"

"Ana..." he whispered, sounding lost. "The playroom... I can't."

Her brow furrowed deeply and she felt more confused than ever. "I don't understand."

The next moment he took a deep breath, stood up straight, and ran his hands through his hair. He was back in control and she knew exactly what to expect next. "Drop it, Anastasia," he told her coldly. She stumbled back a few steps in surprise at the sudden change of his mood. Would she ever stop reacting like this to his mercurial personality? "I have to speak with the security team, bring Taylor up to speed on a few things. Let me know when dinner is ready."

And with that, he swept out of the kitchen leaving his wife feeling dazed and hurt at his words and actions.

Dinner was tense. As he'd requested, Ana informed Christian that their food was on the table and he'd responded with a slight nod and soft, almost apologetic smile, though she hadn't been prepared to accept any apology. Since the day she met him, she had been experiencing Christian's mood swings. They were often frustrating and confusing and generally difficult to deal with at the best of times. If Teddy or the new baby inherited even a fraction of their father's personality, their teenage years were destined to give her a run for her money. And as always seemed to be the case, Ana had no idea what could have triggered this particular mood swing. They'd been teasing and flirty one second, and the next...

Was this because she'd mentioned the playroom? Did he think she was only bringing it up to please him? Even if that were the case, there had been no reason to react like that.

"Ana?"

Ana froze as she rinsed off the dinner dishes to place in the dishwasher, but didn't respond to her husband's soft, cautious tone.

She heard him sigh as he entered the kitchen. "You're upset with me," he said resignedly.

"Why would I be upset with you, Christian?" she asked dryly. "Just because you change moods so fast that you give me whiplash..."

Again, he sighed, now leaning beside her against the counter. "Baby, I'm sorry," he said, sounding genuinely contrite. "You surprised me is all. I wasn't expecting you to bring up..." He swallowed hard, "that, so soon."

Her brow furrowed as her mind whirled. He looked uncomfortable and turned on and afraid all at the same time, and she couldn't quite work out why. It hadn't escaped her notice that since she'd been home, their bedroom activities hadn't really exceeded basic vanilla. Not that she was complaining; she enjoyed every moment with her husband. But their presence in the apartment made her realize how much she'd missed Christian's kinky fuckery. Their kinky fuckery. And as irrational as she knew it to be deep in her mind, her first reaction was to think he didn't want her in that way anymore. That something between them had been irreparably broken after the last year and he didn't think she could satisfy him in that way.

Taking a leaf from her husband's book, Ana decided anger was the first line of defense. "Forget it, Christian," she said sharply, fighting back both her blush and the sudden inclination to burst into tears. "It doesn't matter. I'm sorry I brought it up."

Without another word to him, she left the kitchen in search of her son.

Christian had the overwhelming desire to beat his head against a wall. Things had been going so well between him and Ana over the last few weeks, despite all the drama, and in one fell swoop, he seemed to have brought that progress to a screeching halt. He had his reasons for not bringing up the playroom or letting her see his desire to take her in there, but he wasn't entirely sure he could explain those reasons without her getting even more upset with him than she already was.

Deciding distance from the situation was probably best, at least for now, he retreated to his study and sat behind his desk, reflecting on his conversation with Taylor. He'd had to bring Taylor and Sawyer up to speed about his father's theory about Linc. Welch was currently doing everything he could to search for the man, but was coming up empty, a fact that made Christian and his security team very uneasy.

"If he's hiding, he's up to something," had been Taylor's opinion on the matter. "And if he really is involved in this shit, he's not going to give up easily."

None of them could quite work out what exactly it was that Linc might want. If he wanted money, he could have gone that route at any time. Christian had no doubt that Linc hadn't worked out the exact nature of his and Elena's relationship. At any time, Linc could have blackmailed Christian for all he was worth. The press would without a doubt take the story of billionaire CEO Christian Grey being a sadistic Dominant and run with it, easily demolishing everything Christian had ever worked for. Christian hadn't faced quite this scenario before, though he had dealt with rumors and threats of reporters trying to dig a little further for dirt. Every time a threat surfaced, Christian's team quickly took care of it, all without involving giving into demands for money. For the most part, Christian kept himself unaware of how ends justified means, knowing ignorance was bliss more often than not. But with Linc, Christian would be involved in every decision on how it would be handled.

The only reasoning behind Linc's actions could be returning the pain and humiliation Elena and Christian had undoubtedly caused him with their affair. It might have taken him years to realize what his wife was up to behind his back, but Linc had never been a particularly stupid man. His intention was clear: Christian had taken his wife from him, so Linc had reciprocated by taking Ana away from her family. The fact that he refused to give up after Hyde's arrest meant he was desperate, and despite the fact that Roger was dead, Christian expected another move against him and his family soon.

With this disturbing thought in mind, Christian abandoned his study and went in search of his wife, needing more than anything to set things right between them. More time than he thought had passed; the apartment was dark again, Teddy was in bed, and he found Ana in their bed, curled up on her side, facing the large window overlooking Seattle. How many times had he come into this room under these circumstances, desperate to seek comfort and forgiveness? He knew without even looking at her face that she was wide awake, probably with tears streaming down her face at his poor treatment of her.

Silently, he undressed, found his pajama bottoms waiting for him at the end of the bed—he smiled at the thought that even as pissed off at him as she might be, Ana was still wearing his shirt to bed—and changed before slipping under the blankets beside her. He lay on his side for a few minutes, just watching her, thinking he'd never tire of looking at her. With a sigh, he slid forward a bit, tentatively wrapping his arms around her middle, and when she tensed but didn't push him away, he was confident enough to pull her into his arms, resting his cheek against her temple.

"I'm sorry," he breathed into her ear. She sniffled in response. "I'm so sorry, baby."

"You're always sorry," she whispered huskily. "And you always do this, Christian. You snap at me, you get angry with me then you turn around later and apologize and promise it'll be better and that you're trying, only to do the same thing a week later."

He closed his eyes in pain, hearing the pain in her voice. "I know, baby," he told her. "You deserve better."

"We've been through this, Christian." The exasperation in her voice almost made him smile. "I just want you to treat me as your equal. I understand you're stressed out about something, and as curious as I am to know what else is going on right now, I just want to feel like yours again."

It was Christian's turn to tense up. "What are you talking about, Ana?" he asked, trying not to panic. "You are mine. You've always been mine. And you will always be mine."

"And yet..." she whispered through her tears.

Now he really was panicking. He'd only ever heard her like this one time before: right before she'd left him after the belt incident. "Ana..." He shuffled back a little in order to roll her onto her back and look into her eyes. She looked lost and rejected, and he had no idea what to do to make her feel better. Because she won't tell me what's wrong. "Please tell me what you're thinking, baby. You're scaring me."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "Why don't you want to go into the playroom?" she asked in a tiny voice that he had to strain his ears to hear.

A wave of relief hit him and he let out a sobbing laugh. "Is that what this is about?" he asked her, smiling.

She returned the smile with a scowl. "Why are you smiling?" she demanded, trying to pull away from him.

He licked his lips trying to smother his smile. "I'm sorry," he said again, pretending he didn't see her rolling her eyes at him. He pulled her against his chest, letting her rest her head against heart. "I just thought it was something worse than that..." He sighed. "Ana, please believe me when I say I would love to take you back in there. But I'm just afraid of pushing you too far too fast."

"What do you mean?"

Sighing, he tried to organize and vocalize his thoughts in a way that wouldn't drag them back into darkness. Don't think there's a way to avoid that one, Grey... "Considering what you've told me about the last year, I just don't want to do anything that might make you uncomfortable. No matter how much you insist that you're doing better and recovering from what you went through, you've not gotten over it. We both need to make some adjustments and I really believe this is one of them. I can't stand the thought of doing anything that might make things worse for you."

As he finished speaking, he opened his eyes, unaware that he'd closed them in the first place, and found his wife had pushed herself up enough to look him in the eyes. Even in the darkness he could see love and appreciation shining back at him. "You really are an idiot sometimes, Christian Grey," she told him fondly.

He blinked at her several times, wondering if he'd heard correctly. "I beg your pardon?" he asked indignantly.

She giggled, making him crack a smile. "How many times have we discussed you trying to protect me without telling me that was what you were doing? And how many times has it come back to bite you in the ass?"

"Too many to count," he said with a mock-dramatic sigh. "And yet it still doesn't sink in..."

"Clearly," she shot back, grinning. Her smile faded bit by bit then she rested her cheek against his shoulder. "As much as I hate to admit it, you're probably right about the playroom. On paper, there isn't a downside—almost every time we've been in there has been..." She trailed off and even if he couldn't see her face, he knew she was blushing. "Wonderful."

"Wonderful?" he repeated, chuckling. "Baby, if wonderful is the best adjective you can come up with for our time in the playroom I haven't been doing something correctly..."

She looked up at him sharply, her eyes shining mischievously. "Maybe my memory's a little off and I need a reminder," she replied teasingly, intentionally biting her lip and letting it slide through her teeth.

Despite his demands that his body not respond to this obvious goading, Christian heard himself groan. Ana grinned in triumph, squealing when Christian quickly reversed their positions so she was on her back and he was looming over her, her hands held over her head by one of his while the other trailed down the side of her face and neck. "A reminder, you say?" he repeated huskily. She was grinning again, looking a little breathless as she nodded.

You're getting off track again, Grey...

Christian paused half an inch from his wife's lips, frustrated with his mind. "We haven't finished talking," he murmured resignedly.

Her eyes shot open incredulously and her mouth began moving silently, probably cursing him for stopping. "Seriously?" she grumbled when he rolled off her.

He smiled in apology. "Once we finish this discussion, we can get back to other activities. Besides, you're always accusing me of distracting from important conversations with sex and here you are doing the same thing."

She raised an eyebrow as she considered this for a moment. "Fair point well made, Mr. Grey," she said musingly. After a few moments, she met his gaze again, all amusement lost. "If I'm honest with myself, I don't know what might happen if we go into the playroom. I think as long as I can see you and can have some amount of mobility, I'd be all right, but I will admit that the thought of being held down by anything but your hands might send me straight into a panic attack."

She paused briefly, letting her words sink into Christian's mind. He thought he understood: anyone else's hand holding her down was a paralyzing concept, but she trusted him implicitly to let her go if she needed. Along with the familiar anger, disgust, and hatred for Jack Hyde, he felt a sudden surge of love and gratification from his wife.

"More than anything, Christian, I want things the way they were before," she went on quietly, her voice starting to crack slightly. "I never had any real reservations about the playroom in all the time I've known you, and I know how much you enjoy being in there, even if you won't admit it. And ever since I've come back, I feel like every step I've made to improve my self-esteem to a level that made me believe I could be enough for you has fallen out from under me. I want to be what you need, Christian. I want to be myself again."

Christian felt his breaths coming in more rapidly than normal, heard the rush of air through his ears, and he knew his temper was about to bubble over. "How many times are we going to have this conversation, Anastasia?" he bit out. He was trying desperately to soften his tone, but judging by the look on Ana's face, he was failing miserably. "You are what I need. You are what I want. I couldn't give two fucks about that goddamn playroom. You, our son, and this baby," he rested his hand possessively on her belly, "are the only things in this fucking world that matter to me. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to scare you. Yes, I enjoy our time in the playroom, but only when you enjoy it as well. That isn't something we can rush into; if we do, and you have a bad experience, it will ruin it for us forever. I don't want that." He stopped to take in a breath, feeling his body relax again. "Baby steps, Ana. We'll get there eventually. In the meantime, we both just have to be patient."

"Right, because we're both so very good at that," she replied sarcastically, smiling.

"You and that smart mouth, Mrs. Grey," he murmured, rolling her onto her back again. "Whatever shall we do about it?"

The next several minutes were silent save for increased breathing and soft moaning. Christian ran his hands from his wife's ankles up to her thighs, pushing his t-shirt out of his way as he kissed every inch of her soft skin, losing himself in the sweet taste of her. By the time he reached her lips, both of them were desperate for more. Ana twisted her fingers in his hair, holding his mouth against hers as she kissed him as though her life depended on it.

These were the moments Christian cherished the most. He'd gone without her for so long that now she was with him again, he'd found a new appreciation for everything she gave him. During those horrible five days back when she'd left him, back before more, he hadn't believed it possible to feel any more strongly about showing her every day just how much she meant to him. That time didn't even hold a candle to the last year. More than once, he'd thought back on several of their conversations since she'd come home again, and realized that with the way things had been going, even without Jack Hyde's intervention, the time was approaching when she would have decided to leave him on her own. And he would have had nobody else to blame but himself.

Looking back, the lack of communication and level of misunderstandings were what would have led to their relationship being destroyed. He thought they were doing better now and they would continue to grow as a couple; he wouldn't ever risk losing his wife again, for any reason.

He had a brief thought that if it hadn't been for Jack Hyde he and Ana wouldn't be doing as well as they were, but he quickly banished it as he entered his wife, gasping at how incredibly ready she was for him and how fucking amazing this always felt. Her eyes were wide and dilated as he started to move inside her so very slowly. He could feel every little bit of her and he committed every feeling to memory. Ana's legs wrapped around the backs of his thighs, pulling him deeper into her while her hands roved his back, arms, neck, and face before finally fisting in his hair, silently begging him to pick up the speed a little.

When they came, they did so together, quietly and no louder than a strangled gasp as Christian fell onto his wife, holding himself on his elbows to avoid pressing too far against her stomach. Rolling off her and gasping at the loss of contact, Christian rested his head directly over his wife's heart, and as they fell asleep, he knew this was where he belonged and he would do whatever it took to get them back to the happiness they'd shared so long ago that it almost felt like a past life.