WARNING: Swearing, black humour, things escalating insanely quick.
DISCLAIMER: The musical belongs to Lin-Manuel Miranda.
The next (real) chapter will be angsty and it's taking me a bit longer than I thought, so I decided to post this in the meanwhile.
I decided not to use the name of any airlines. Choose whatever you like XD
This is based on two prank calls I mixed together, with a touch of my own nocturnal craziness.
Alexander Hamilton was an asshole.
It was a true fact. His friends knew after a few days of studying with him. His colleagues came to the same conclusion after some time working with him. His boss realised the same a couple of days after hiring him. Eliza knew since she laid her eyes on him and stood by his side, being the supporting and cheerful friend. The Schuyler family knew once Eliza and Alexander started dating and she introduced him properly to them. Damn, even Alexander's children knew, though they still didn't know the exact word to define their father.
It wasn't needed to be very observant to know Alexander enjoyed taking revenge on someone who had offended him. The thing sometimes came to a point where his friends would swear Alexander wanted to be pissed off just to have a reason to get it back.
There were only a few times when Alexander didn't scheme an evil plan. Those few people should be grateful. Especially to Eliza and John, who knew how to put the man under control when his hot-headed temperament took out the worst of him. Other times, though, it was the own Alexander the one who didn't want to get involved with the one who had wronged him. He decided to use his cold indifference towards them. And, sometimes, those silences were worse than any verbal attack. James Monroe had been a very good example of it (though, this time, surprisingly, it was Eliza the one who would never let it go); and now Thomas Jefferson was the other. Maybe his position as a workmate of the Caribbean made the silence not to be eternal, but the coldness was still there. And damn if it didn't bother him way more than Alexander's sharp tongue.
And yet, Thomas didn't know if he'd rather let it be or be in Adams' shoes. The man infuriated Hamilton for some insults he had thrown at the immigrant's past cost at some point and Alexander, being Alexander had heard every word of John's ramble. That day started the war.
And it wasn't like John Adams cared. Because Thomas, as an ex-friend and college roommate of Adams, knew that the man was also an asshole. With the same sharp tongue and venom to give to whomever offended him. The difference was that Hamilton had a humour proper of a four-years-old, while Adams had just the attitude of a four-years-old. A spoiled four-years-old.
That was how all this began.
John Adams wasn't good at technology, and that wasn't a secret. Just as it wasn't a secret the report he had written to his airline that somehow he had made public on his social media. When James showed the caption to Thomas, he guessed Adams had wanted his closer friends to see but managed to put the text public and now, no matter if he deleted it or not, the whole world saw.
"It's not the first time he does something like this" he explained, as he read the long paragraph on James' phone screen. "One day, at college, he sent part of his diary along with an essay. Somehow, the whole class knew and next thing he knew, everyone was laughing at him"
"Poor man" said James, though smiling a bit.
Laurens' laugh resounded throughout the whole building then. Thomas and James made their way automatically to the break room, where most part of the staff spent their day. Different building, same habits, it seemed. When the two friends walked in the room, they found everyone there, expect Washington. His rocking chair sounding in the distance, the only sign that he had come to work that day.
"The worst of this is his misspelling" commented Lafayette, who was the only one in that room laughing discreetly. "I mean, English isn't my native language, and my eyes hurt…"
"Huh, try to proofread his paperwork" said Thomas, taking a seat in front of his friend.
"Man, he wrote his own name wrong" said Angelica, crying from laughter.
"You'd be surprised at how tired I am of crossing that second D he writes…" said Alexander, smiling at his sister-in-law.
"Send it to Eliza" said Peggy, tapping Laurens on the shoulder.
"I already did, but I didn't have time to see the response" explained John, red from laughter. "Gosh, what an idiotic thing…" he muttered, to himself.
"But what happened?" asked Hercules.
"He wanted to spend a weekend with his wife in Boston" explained Maria.
"How do you know?" asked Madison.
Maria shrugged. "I'm the receptionist, my job is to know all the gossip in the office"
"Wait, I thought he was sick?" asked Peggy, cocking an eyebrow.
"According to him, he's always sick" said Alexander, rolling his eyes.
"This man is an idiot" declared Hercules. "If you're going to lie, at least do it well"
"That's asking too much"
"Besides, he did it by accident" said James.
"Like everything else in his life"
"Alex, you're on fire today" commented Peggy.
"We're about to run out of coffee and so he needs to feed on his bile" said Thomas, making the two Schuyler sisters to contain their laughter.
"I'm in a good mood today…" Alexander defended himself, almost pouting.
"Fuck, warn us when you're in a bad mood, so we can run away, then" joked Angelica, laughing.
"That's Eliza's job" said Alexander, with a thoughtful expression.
"I'm feeling bad for the guy" said Aaron, eventually. "He can delete it, but a lot of people must've made a screenshot of it"
"No, and that without taking into account the fact that he put the airline name in it like a hundred times" said Laurens.
"But if it's true what he's saying…" said Maria, with an understanding tone.
"Hey, John" Alexander said all of a sudden. "Do you still hang out with that Alfred guy, right?"
"Hang out is an understatement" chimed in Hercules. "He lunches with us almost every day"
Lafayette shook his head at Alexander. "He's obsessed with food and money…"
"Fuck, he can't even wash his dish!"
"Who's Alfred?" asked Thomas.
"A prostitute Laf hired for John. They became friends after the whole thing came out" explained Peggy.
"Thanks to you" complained Hercules.
"Trifles, trifles…"
Thomas looked at Lafayette with eyes half-closed. "Really, this company is making you no good" he commented, addressing the other side of the table completely.
Laurens turned his head to his ex. "Alex, are you thinking about what I think you're thinking?" he asked.
"Maybe" said the CFO, taking a sip of his coffee.
"Yeah, maybe…" said Angelica, with a knowing smile. "That's the same smirk you had on your face when you took revenge on that Monroe guy"
"To be fair, that was all Eliza's doing. I just sat in the shadows, seeing her do" clarified Alexander. "I think I started to like her a lot more then"
"Man, you were still dating me…" complained Laurens.
"What did Monroe do to you?" asked James. "He seemed like an alright guy when I met him"
"Yeah, you've never told me" said Aaron, also curious.
"That's an story for another time" replied Alexander.
"True, true, right now we're talking about pranking Adams" said Maria, rubbing her hands with an evil smile.
"Prank?" repeated Thomas. "Be careful, the man has a lot of bad temper and no sense of humour. That's a bad combination" he warned.
"The perfect combination" said Lafayette.
"Come on, don't ruin it, Lemongrab. I couldn't be in the last one" pleaded Maria.
"No, no, I'm just warning. Do whatever you want, I don't mind" said Thomas, making a dismissive gesture with the hand.
"But nothing of putting it on the Internet" said Lafayette.
"I won't make promises" Angelica and Alexander said at the same time.
"I'm gonna start to charge you" joked Alfred, as soon as Peggy opened the door.
The youngest Schuyler sister rolled her eyes. "Don't be an actual asshole" she commented, as she pulled the man into the house. "Eliza is preparing snacks"
"Nice"
"They are bought from the grocery shop. So we can eat them"
"Alright?" he said, a bit confused.
Peggy shook her head. "I'll never understand how someone who is so good at cooking in general can be so horrible at making her own snacks"
"You'll have nothing" declared Eliza, who was making her way into the living room with her husband.
"Aaaw" complained Peggy.
"You have to make sure she is far away" Alexander whispered in her ear.
"You will have nothing either!" said Eliza, now frowning at him.
"Damn, what a hearing…"
"So" said Alfred, after a brief laugh. "Someone will explain me what I've gotta do now?"
"Let me look for the photo" said Laurens, fishing his phone out his back pocket.
Lafayette used the time John took to find the caption to introduce Thomas and James to Alfred, who let all the talking to the Frenchman, more than comfortable with that option. Alfred sensed their discomfort and tried to be as easy-going as he could with the two shy men. That made both Jefferson and Madison to like him.
Laurens exclaimed an 'aha!' when he finally found the caption and showed it to Alf, who read it as the same time everyone suggested things he could say to Adams through the phone. Jefferson gave him the same warning about Adams' bad temper.
"I once made a joke to Alexander" laughed Alfred. "I think I come prepared"
And that made everyone, except Hamilton, to laugh loudly. Alexander just looked angrily at his political family and wife. Eliza stuck her tongue out in a playful way.
The doorbell rang and she trotted to open the door. Peggy and Alexander filled their pockets with snacks in the meantime.
"Martha!" she said, a mix of surprise and happiness in her tone. "What are you doing in here?"
"Are you kidding? You're going to play a prank on Adams and thought I didn't want to come?" asked Mrs. Washington, giving Eliza a tight hug that she reciprocated immediately.
"Oh, well, we didn't want to get you in trouble with George!" she explained.
"Nonsense! At much, he would get in trouble if he says anything to any of you guys for having a little fun"
"Martha Washington: always better on your side than against you" joked Alexander, with a gentle smile.
"You can bet" nodded the woman. She opened her arms.
Alexander saw her intentions clearly. "Nope"
"Alexander"
"Christmas and special occasions. I made myself clear with all of you" he explained, crossing both arms.
"Alexander, I came all this way!" pouted Martha.
"She came all this way!" the Schuyler sisters teased.
Alexander sighed. "Four against one is cheating" he complained, though he got up and let Martha embrace him.
"All is fair in love and war" said Martha.
"And he needs more love than war" commented Eliza, sitting beside the vacant seat her husband had made.
Alfred interrupted whatever retort Alexander might've thought. "Alright, I think I've got it"
"Yay!" cheered Maria.
"Wait, wait, let me record it" said Angelica, looking for her phone.
"No YouTube" reminded Lafayette.
"And Twitter?"
"Angelica!"
"Alright… Instagram?"
"Angelica" said Lafayette, sterner this time.
The oldest sister sighed. "Alright… Killjoy"
It was the third time Alfred had to call, everyone in the living room waited with tired expressions. Angelica had her phone on the table, finding stupid to hold it when she wasn't recording anything.
"He must be sleeping" said Thomas.
"It's five o'clock…" said Theodosia.
"You don't know Adams" said Aaron.
"Lucky" chimed in Alexander.
"Gosh, since he said that of the favourite treatment, he's more unbearable with the man than ever" commented Madison.
"What an epic day that was" recalled Peggy, trying to open a chocolate bar without making any noise.
"What happened?" asked Martha curious.
"Angelica records all the fights" said Madison.
"You must send them all to me"
"Okay"
"We should make a remix for Christmas" joked Hercules.
"Yes, we put carol music in the background" planned Laurens.
"He doesn't answer" said Alfred, hanging up. "Shall I call again?"
"Yes, yes" nodded Alexander.
"For the sole reason of bothering him, Alex is capable of spending the whole night calling" said Eliza, with a shy laugh.
"Buf, you don't know how right you are" commented Laurens. "Do you remember that time with that guy…"
"So concise" joked Hercules.
"Man, that guy… I don't remember the name…" Laurens struggled to remember. "Well, I don't remember, but there was a guy Alexander didn't like for something he said about him…"
"Like half of humanity he comes across to…" commented Thomas.
"You're in my house, Jefferson" warned Alexander.
"Like the rest of the days" laughed Maria, gaining a dirty look from the secretary.
"And… And he spent the whole year calling him with a private number at night" kept saying Laurens.
"Oh, I remember" said Lafayette.
"What a year!" laughed Hercules.
"Really, Betsey, this man was the best option to marry to" commented Peggy, still fighting with the envelope of the bar.
"Call again" proposed Thomas, after the laughter of Alexander's friends and family died down. "Abigail would pick up eventually"
"Alright" gave in Alfred.
They had to try a couple of times more, until finally someone picked at the other line. There was a moment of silence (that Angelica took advantage of to pick her phone and record) before they heard Abigail fighting with Adams in whispers.
"They've called six times or I don't know how many anymore!" she complained, receiving a series of grumbles as a response. "Here!" she insisted, and they imagined her tossing the phone to her husband.
They heard Adams clearing his throat before answering with a raspy voice. "Yes?"
"And that voice?" asked Theodosia, under her breath. Aaron just shrugged, as lost as her.
"Hello?" said Alfred, a bit confused.
"Yes, yes, who is it?" said Adams, with a groggy and hoarse voice.
"Hello, good afternoon, sir" greeted Alfred, changing his tone into a serious one. "Am…"
"Good afternoon" replied Adams, clearing his throat in the end.
"Am I talking to Mr. John Adams?"
"Yep"
"Look, Mr. Adams, I call from the airline [***]"
"Yep"
"As long as I know you presented a complaint?"
"Yep"
"He took your rhetoric" joked Theodosia in her husband's ear. Aaron just half-closed his eyes.
"Could you please explain me what…?" tried to ask Alfred, just to be interrupted by a series of coughs. "Sir?"
"Aw, he was ill for real" commented Maria, now feeling bad.
"Sir, are you alright?" asked Alfred, a bit concerned. "I hear you a bit…"
"Yeah, I'll explain: last night I went out to a birthday party and… Well, I got cold" explained Adams.
"Ah, alright…" said Alfred, smiling a bit at the group.
Alexander looked at Maria. "Never feel bad for him" he advised.
"What a life" commented Lafayette, shaking his head in disapproval.
"Tell me, what were you saying?" asked Adams.
"Yes. I called in case you wanted to explain whatever happened to you a bit further? Please?" said Alfred.
"Yeah"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"… Sir?"
"Yep"
"Are you going to explain…?"
"Ah, yes, yes" he nodded, coughing a bit in the end.
"What an exasperation" complained Martha.
"What happened was that one of your workers, one, uh… One of those… The ones who serve… Uh… The things…" Adams struggled to explain.
"A flight attendant?" helped Alfred.
"Yeah, that… Well, actually, the problem was… What happened was… three little things"
"Okay… Tell me" said Alfred, frowning in confusion.
"He's putting me on my nerves" muttered Angelica, tapping her fingers on the couch with impatience.
"He can barely explain himself when he's awake, imagine now that he just woke up" Thomas told her.
"The first thing…" kept talking Adams. He let out a sigh.
"Yes?"
"The first one is that the… attendant or whatever… served me last. My food I mean"
"You were the last one to be given the food by him" stated Alfred.
"Yes, that" nodded Adams. "And that taking into account that I asked for it first"
"Okay.
"And…"
"But, sir, wait" interrupted Alfred. "We normally serve the food in the order our clients are sat. Where were you located?"
"I…"
"Located" repeated Alfred.
"Yeah, yeah, sat at" clarified Adams, to let him know he'd understood.
"Located" said Alfred again, nonetheless.
"Yes, goddamnit!" exploded Adams again, making Peggy to tremble in her seat. Aaron shushed her a bit. "I was sat next to the emergency door"
"That can't be. There are no sits there" denied Alfred. "Wouldn't you mean next to the window by the emergency door?"
"Uh, yeah, if we're going to be technical, I guess" said Adams.
"Okay, good. Proceed, please"
"Yeah. Well, when he came to me… Well, my wife was there as well, but… But she didn't want to complain or anything…"
"Alright. That's okay"
"Well, when the boy came with my food, he practically threw my food at me" concluded Adams, when he found no better way to explain it.
"Threw the food at you?" repeated Alfred, confused.
"Yep"
"Like a monkey in the zoo?"
Alexander had to put a hand on his mouth to drown the laughter. Eliza was red in the face at seeing her husband's struggles and looking at Theodosia, who was crying silently with a large smile on her face, didn't help her to calm down.
"Nooo, nooo" hurried to say Adams. "I meant that he threw the… The… Damn, the thing where you put the food"
"The tray" said Alfred, trying not to laugh while talking.
"That, that, that. Sorry, I… I'm a bit far away… Hehehehe" laughed Adams.
"Don't worry, sir"
"Well, what I was saying"
"Yes"
"The boy came and threw the tray on that little table"
"On the table" repeated Alfred.
"On the table" assured Adams.
"On the table?"
"…On the table, yes"
"On the table"
"On the table, bullocks, yes!" said Adams, raising his voice considerably.
A faint giggle escaped Laurens' lips and that made the whole living room to hunch over themselves, containing their laughter. Lafayette and Eliza were the only ones who tried to calm the others. Alfred had a hard time as he tried not to laugh while talking.
"Alright, Mr. Adams, I'm writing all down" he promised.
"Good" He coughed loudly in the end. "Sorry… Agh…"
"Don't worry, don't worry"
Eliza got up suddenly, calling the attention of the whole room. She walked out without making too much noise. Alexander thought about following her, but Adams talked again, and the attention of the group was back on him.
"Then… I mean, I can believe that maybe I was the last one to be served for a coincidence or something that went wrong that day or… Or whatever"
"Yes"
"But that behaviour he had…"
"What behaviour?"
"Damn, I just told you he threw the tray at me" complained Adams, irritated. "He was very disrespectful towards me"
"Are you sure? Maybe he had a way of working that you didn't like very much, but…"
"Nooo, no, no, no, no" interrupted Adams sharply, making Alfred to look the other side in order not to laugh on the phone. The group watched this and also struggled to control themselves. "No, sir, no. The boy treated everyone else very respectfully. He said 'good trip', 'bu… bo… bona petiti' or something like that…"
"Bon appétit?" guessed Alfred, his voice shaking a bit.
"That petiti thing, yes"
Maria, who was now kneeling on the floor and crying from laughter, swore under her breath: "I'm going to call him Mr. Petiti in the next meeting"
"Do it, do it" encouraged Laurens.
"He didn't have a nickname, did he?" asked Madison, giggling more sheepishly than the rest.
"Now, he does" declared Angelica.
"Alright, sir" nodded Alfred, finally able to control himself. "Did anything else happen?"
"Yeah, yeah… The last thing was that I asked him for some earphones, and he gave ones to me that were clearly used. O…"
"Used?"
"Overused" stated Adams.
"Overused?" echoed Alfred. "What do you mean?"
"I mean that that thing had more wax than… than…"
"Gross" complained Peggy, wrinkling her nose in disgust.
"With all that wax I can open a shop of candles and never run out of material"
"Human wax, we're talking about?" asked Alfred.
"Huh, I hope so. Last thing I need to know is that it was his dog's"
Eliza came back then, with a keyboard in her hands. She put it on the table, in front of Alfred, who looked at her with a knowing smile. She blinked with complicity at him and sat down next to her husband again.
"Okay, Mr. Adams, is that all?" asked Alfred.
"Yep"
"Alright. Then, I guess you want to present a complaint? An official one, I mean?"
"Official?" asked Adams, lost.
"Yes, you've already told one of us your version, and now we can write a more complete complaint. If you want; if you don't, we can use the one you…"
"No, no, let's do that" interrupted Adams.
"Are you sure?"
"Absolutely" he assured.
"Alright, in that case, I'll send all I've written from what you've told me?"
"Yep"
"Okay. For doing that, you have to give me permission to access the system, Mr. Adams"
"I do, I do"
"Good" Alfred pressed random letters on the keyboard Eliza had brought him. "For accessing the system, please, press number 5"
There was a brief pause, and then they heard the sound 'beep' from the other side of the line.
"Going into the system" proclaimed Alfred.
"Good"
Alfred let a moment pass. The group at his backs had already calmed down considerably.
"Are you waiting?" asked Alfred suddenly.
"Yes, yes, I'm…"
"Keep waiting, then" ordered Alfred.
"Uh, okay…"
… … …
"Are you there, sir?" asked Alfred, after another pause.
"Yes, yes!"
"Keep being there, sir" he replied, with a mocking smile.
"…" Adams sighed deeply.
… … … …
"Sir?"
"Yes, yes" said Adams, impatiently.
"Are you still waiting?"
"Of course!" he answered, now rather irritated.
"Keep waiting, please"
"… You could talk to me when I don't have to wait anymore, fuck…" muttered Adams.
Laurens began to laugh uncontrollably under his breath, then, unable to stop. Peggy, closer to him, was contaminated by this and imitated the freckled man's behaviour. Lafayette tried to calm them down, as they now had to be in complete silence. Laurens opted for getting up and walk to a corner. Theodosia soon followed him, wanting to catch her breath.
"Mr. Adams?" said Alfred, eventually.
"Yes, I'm here and waiting" replied Adams, boringly.
"I'm back, sir"
"Finally!"
"Look, we asked for the boy's version, sir" he explained.
"Ah, but weren't you going to send…?"
"Yes, yes, but as I was doing it, I saw the boy's version was there as well. Because he saw the short and first one you wrote when you left a few days ago" explained Alfred.
"What a gift for lying" commented Madison, impressed.
"Ah, well, okay"
"Do you want to hear what he told us?"
"Well, I guess the boy has the right to defend himself…"
"Okay. The boy told us he was never disrespectful towards you…" said Alfred, receiving a dry and upset laugh from the older man. "…and that you insulted him"
"That's a lie" said Adams immediately.
"Sir…"
"A lie"
"Sir, he said…"
"A lie!" insisted Adams, almost shouting.
"Sir, please, calm down" said Alfred, serene. "Our workmate told us that you called him salad face"
"I didn't say anything to that boy" said Adams, totally serious.
"According to him…" insisted Alfred.
"I didn't say anything" interrupted Adams, angry. "He has a vinegar face, the bitter little asshole, but I didn't call him anything"
"There he goes" said Thomas, knowing what was about to come.
"Ah, so you're admitting you called him…" said Alfred.
"No, no!" interrupted Adams. "I didn't call him anything! At much, I told him to rush a little bit when I saw he was ignoring me outrageously"
"Well, I'm just the messenger" Alfred defended himself. "And I've gotta tell you that our workmate claims that you told him: 'Give me my food immediately, you salad face'"
"No" denied Adams, stubbornly. "I asked how long the food was gonna take, but nothing near that"
"You're saying that you didn't insult him, then?"
"No!"
"Okay… Then…"
"Though, let me tell you something"
"Yes"
"I didn't insult him in the plane, but I remember his face. Tell him to pray so he doesn't cross paths with me in a near future, because I'll punch him so hard that…"
"No, no, Mr. Adams. Violence is never the solution!" interrupted Alfred.
"Well…"
"I'm here, taking care of the problem as well as I can, and…"
"Yes, you're nice. But your workmate is… Is…" Adams struggled to find the right word.
"Okay, it's alright. We can solve this" said Alfred, supportive.
"Yes. But your workmate is a liar" declared Adams.
"Well, please, trust us and the system. We are going to put a happy ending to this story" promised Alfred.
"If he got fired, that would be awesome"
"There's his evil vein" commented Thomas, gaining a knowing look from Angelica and a scared one from Eliza.
"Trust me, Mr. Adams" insisted Alfred. "I'm here to help you"
"I hope so" warned the man.
"Now, we're going to send your version"
"Good"
"Do you give me permission to…?"
"I do, I do" hurried Adams.
"Alright. Good. Then, please, press number 7"
Adams made a noise of complaint and then the 'beep' sounded. Alfred smiled mischievously.
"Wrong key" he informed.
"… Wrong key?" repeated Adams, confused. The 'beep' sounded again.
"Wrong key" insisted Alfred.
"Wrong key how" inquired Adams, getting upset again. Another 'beep' sounded.
"Wrong key" said Alfred, nonchalantly.
"Wrong key HOW" hollered Adams, frustrated. "Hello?!"
"Sir?"
"Mister, this thing is broken"
"Sir, please, press seven"
"Are you kidding me, mister?! I've pressed seven a thousand times already!" complained Adams.
"Press it again, please?" pleaded Alfred. He waited until the 'beep' sounded and then shook his head. "That's the sound of a three, sir…"
"What three?!" exploded Adams.
"Please, press seven so I can get into the system" Alfred asked for one more time.
"I've been pressing seven! Now you say it's three, but it's seven! They're not even close to each other!"
Adams began to gasp and cough a bit, his hoarse voice making the group and Alf himself laugh under their breaths uncontrollably.
"Sir…"
"What more numbers do you possibly want?!" spat Adams. "Seven is seven! Seven!" he shouted, pressing the key again.
"Getting into the system" informed Alfred.
"Thank fucking goodness" sighed Adams.
Alfred let time pass, this time for the sake of calming himself before talking again. Adams coughed and cursed a few times. None of them understood him, but it was enough to make the contained laughter to be reborn. Even Aaron was starting to match his wife's red face. Theodosia and Laurens were looking out the balcony, trying to focus their attention on anything else to calm themselves. Alexander and Eliza were already hunched over themselves, as Angelica pressed her face against her brother-in-law's shoulder; the hand that was holding her phone shaking slightly. Martha Washington was having her own internal fight and decided to sit up behind the couch to not look at anyone and spoil the prank with a loud and clear laugh.
"Mr. John Adams?" said Alfred, eventually.
"Yeah, I'm here" responded Adams, automatically.
"We're accessing to your profile" informed Alfred.
"Good…"
"Please, wait. This could take a couple of minutes"
"Odd" commented Adams, sarcastically.
Thomas and James were already looking down, Peggy by their side with her face buried in her knees and shaking as she giggled quietly. Maria went to bury her own face against Eliza's neck, but that only made the two women to have a less controlled fit of laughter. The younger girl started to cough, and James passed him a cushion to drown the sound.
Alfred began to shake in his spot as he smiled. He opened his mouth to talk, but closed it immediately when he heard Adams sighing tiredly at the other side. He breathed in and out a few times, and then kept going.
"Buying tickets to the Fiji Islands" informed Alfred, managing to contain his laughter until the end of the sentence.
"… … What do you mean 'buying tickets'?" asked Adams, after a brief moment of shock.
"To confirm, press 1. To cancel, press 2" he explained.
"Cancel. No" said Adams immediately, as he pressed some key twice.
"He's nervous" commented Aaron, feeling a bit bad for him.
"Buying tickets" informed Alfred, monotonous.
"Buying…? No, no, no" said Adams, angrily. "Cancel that. Listen, cancel that!" he ordered, raising his hoarse voice. "Cancel it NOW!"
"Tickets bought successfully" declared Alfred.
"Noooo, noooo, I pressed two!" complained Adams, horrified. "No! Hold on! Wait! Wa…!"
"Hello, Mr. Adams" said Alfred, as if nothing had happened. "Could you solve the problem?"
"No! The machine bought me tickets!" explained Adams, anxiously.
"Hm, the machine can't do that, sir…"
"Of course it can, it did to me!" complained Adams.
"The machine is a machine. It can't do anything on its own. You must've pressed something wrong" said Alfred, calmly.
"No! I pressed the numbers it told me to and yet…!"
"Sir, no…" denied Alfred, with indifference.
"Well, whatever. Undo that" he ordered.
Alfred blinked confusedly at the phone. "I can't do that, sir. The tickets are bought"
"No" said Adams, sternly. "Undo that shit. I don't want them"
"I can't undo that action, Mr. Adams"
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T?!" yelled the older man, startling Alf and the rest a bit.
"There, there" said Angelica, enjoying the scene.
"Push him, push him" said Alexander, giggling along with his wife.
"Sir…" said Alfred, after a nod to his friends. "Sir, I can't, sir"
"You…!"
"You have bought some tickets…"
"No, I have not!"
"…and, as you're our client, the price will show up on your…"
"If I see the price on my bank account…" warned Adams, darkly. "If I see the fucking price on my account… Bf. I'll go to your office and I'll burn it down" he threatened.
"One of yours, Betsey" said Peggy.
"Listen" continued Adams, with that menacing tone of voice. "Cancel that right now"
"Hm… I don't know if I can" said Alfred, pretending to be unsure. "But I can try"
"Yes, do it"
"Do you want me to go into the system again?" asked Alfred.
"Yes" spat Adams.
"Alright. Please… Be careful with what you press this time!" warned Alfred.
"… Be careful? Be careful with WHAT?" exploded Adams once again, making Alf to contain his shocked laugh. "It's the system the one that's wrong!"
"I was just saying, sir" said Alfred, innocently. "Please, press the keys 5, 8 and 13"
"Fucking keys" complained Adams. "Let's see… Uh… 5… 8… … … … I guess there's no 13… There's no thirteeeeeeen!" he complained, in an enraged yell.
"Gosh, he's losing it" said James.
"This is more surrealist than Alexander's prank" commented Peggy, crying from contained giggles.
"Please, let me put this on YouTube, I beg you" muttered Angelica to Lafayette.
"Non, non…" insisted the Frenchman, though he was unable to control the shake of his voice.
"Where's thirteeeen?" kept complaining Adams, his voice turning hoarser.
Alfred lost it as well, hunching over himself, a hand on his stomach and with a mute laugh. That just made the group of people behind him to lose control as well.
"I can't, I can't" declared Hercules, getting up. "Bathroom?" he asked to the hosts.
Eliza made a weak gesture with the hand. "Some door down the hall, I don't know" she said, between giggles.
"Hello?" said Adams, getting angrier and angrier. "Hello!" he shouted against the mic. "Fucking hell…"
Alfred tried to respond a few times, but couldn't manage to calm his breathing enough. Thomas and Aaron were the last ones to crumble, and also began to laugh discreetly under their breaths.
"One, three, Mr. Adams" Alfred finally managed to say. "One, three" His voice broke a bit at the end.
"Say it like that, fuck!" complained Adams, pressing the two numbers. "Waking me up for this…" he muttered.
"What a show of a man" commented James.
"Welcome again, Mr. Adams" talked Alfred, with a calm tone of voice. "If you want to buy more tickets, press 1. If you want to cancel some tickets, press 2"
"Two. To hell" talked Adams, pressing the key.
"Buying more tickets" informed Alf.
"… Eh?"
"Please, wait"
"No. Cancel"
Adams began to press some key repeatedly. Alfred looked at the phone, perplexed, while the rest exchanged glares of shock.
"He's gonna break the phone…" commented James.
"Wouldn't be the first time" said Thomas.
"I need to go to a meeting when he's there" said Eliza. Looking at her sister, she added. "Angel, let me know when that happens. I wanna see Alex and Adams in the same room"
Alexander looked nastily at her. "What have I done to deserve this from you?"
"Drama king…" said Eliza, with affection.
"Tickets bought successfully" declared Alfred.
"WHAT TICKETS. NO" shouted Adams, still pressing the key. "Cancel, cancel!"
"Mr. Adams…" tried to say Alfred.
"Cancel, cancel!" kept saying Adams, stubbornly, as he pressed number two incessantly.
"My God" whispered Martha Washington, with a tiny voice that made the rest to struggle more to not laugh out loud.
Hercules came back just then, and when he heard Adams repeating 'cancel' as a mantra and the sound of the keys being pressed, he turned on his heels and marched down the hall again. Lafayette saw this and giggled against a cushion.
"Tell him to stop or he'll break the phone" advised Thomas.
"Mr. Adams" Alfred tried again.
"Cancel!" insisted Adams.
"Mr. Adams!"
"What? You…"
"How did it go?" asked Alfred. "Did you resolve…?"
"Sir, please, do the cancelation yourself, because this system is fucking crazy!" complained Adams.
"Again, Mr. Adams?" asked Alfred, boringly.
"Yes!"
"I told you to be careful with the keys"
And that was enough to make something inside Adams' brain to click.
"WHAT CAREFUL, GOD DAMNIT!" he shouted, at the top of his lungs. "I PRESSED THE FUCKING KEYS THAT STUPID MACHINE OF HELL TOLD ME TO!"
"Mr. Adams, don't raise your voice and don't swear, please" said Alfred, totally calm.
"I'LL TALK ANY FUCKING WAY I WANT!" argued Adams, his voice cracking from the hoarseness. "FIX THIS MESS NOW!"
"Sir…"
"FIX THIS FUCKING MESS NOW!" he ordered.
"Sir"
"WHAT"
"I hope you enjoy your stay at the Fiji Islands" said Alfred, with a mocking smile on his face.
"Oh, gosh" said Thomas, smiling nervously at the young man.
"DON'T 'FIFJY ISLANDS' ME, SIR!"
"He can't talk" commented Theodosia, with trembling voice and making Laurens to kneel on the floor, unable to control his laughter.
"I have to show you the caption" was the only thing Laurens managed to say.
"Sir, the Fiji Islands are very pretty. I hope you enjoy them" wished Alfred, unable to stop the little laugh at the end.
That ignited even more the fire. "THE FIFJY… FIFTY PUNCHES IN THE GUT IS WHAT I'M GONNA GIVE YOU, YOU ASSHOLE!"
Hercules came back running, the screaming able to be heard from where he was. He looked a bit scared at Alfred, who was looking at the phone, surprised. He looked at Eliza, who shrugged, as lost as him.
"CANCEL THAT SHIT NOW!" ordered Adams.
"Look, sir, if you can't press four keys is your problem!" spat Alfred, raising his voice considerably as well.
Adams inspired through his nostrils noisily. "Look, you fucking…"
"The system works just fine!" said Alfred, offended. "If you're unable to follow its instructions, that's not this company's problem!"
"You're making maaad" warned Adams, darkly. "You're making me maaaaad, and you won't like me when I'm maaad"
"The system works fine" repeated Alfred, seriously. "You have bought some tickets, and now you must…"
"I HAVE NOT BOUGHT ANY TICKETS!"
"You have, because it's written in here, I'm reading it, Mr. Adams!" screamed Alfred. "Don't be a sea urchin"
"There he goes with the zoo" commented Alexander, between giggles.
"WHAT ARE YOU SAYING ABOUT SEA URCHINS, YOU CAPER FACE?!"
"Oh, jeez" muttered James, also getting up and walking out the room, coughing a bit from laughter.
"YOU DON'T KNOW WHO YOU'RE TALKING TO, RIGHT?!"
"I'm talking to a man that lost his vocal chord at Penguin's birthday party" answered Alfred, right away.
"I lost it at the birthday party of a friend, got a problem with that?"
"A man who insulted our workmate!" kept accusing Alfred.
"I did not…"
"And we love him very, very much! This offense will not go unpunished!" declared Alfred, raising his fist in the air though Adams couldn't see him.
"I wanna see you try" challenged Adams. "What's your name?"
"I'll make sure you pay for insulting my workmate and for trying to get him fired!"
"Whatever the fuck you say! I asked what's your name?!" Adams demanded to know.
"My name's Shawn" replied Alfred
"Well, Shawn…"
"Shaw Goku" he clarified, making Maria to kneel on the floor, having a fit of mute laughter.
Adams clicked his tongue in annoyance. "What are you? The funniest in the group?" he asked, with mockery.
"Sorta, yes"
"Well, maybe I take all the funny from you with the hundred of blows I'm gonna give you"
"Do you think I'm scared of you, mister?" asked Alfred, with a disgusted face. "With that 'The Godfather'-like voice you have?"
"Whatever you say, you're going to cancel me those tickets as my name's John Adam!" he swore. "And I'm going to go to the office and… Bbbrrffff!"
"Look, Mr. Adams, don't make me madder than I am" warned Alfred.
"That's what I should tell you" spat Adams, in a deep voice. "I'm gonna... Gonna... I don't know what I'm gonna do, but I'm, I'm… I'm…"
"It's a pity I wasn't the one serving you the food that day" commented Alfred, casually. "I would've thrown the tray directly to your nose"
"And I would've… I would've…" Adams inspired, growling like a rabid dog under his breath. "I'll pass over the skulls of your dead ones with the drinks trolley" he swore, in a hoarse, dark and low voice.
"Sir, if you're so brave, come to the office and here…" suggested Alfred, defiantly.
"You're making my blood boil so much…" complained Adams, in the same terrifying tone. Everyone looked at the phone with scared expressions at how he sounded.
"You're going to eat those tickets with French fries, pal" Alfred rubbed in his face.
"I'm gonna eat your bile and your life with French fries, that's what I'm going to eat with French Fries"
"Gosh, he's insane" said Maria, giggling nervously.
"I swear to God… Look, don't make me angry, because I'll end up being the one going to you" warned Alfred.
"Come, cooome" encouraged Adams, his hoarse voice turning darker. "Come, I'm going to eat your liiiife"
"Lol…" said Lafayette, sharing a nervous glare with Thomas.
"Don't threaten me, sir" advised Alfred. "I only need a click to delete your complaint"
"Listen…"
"All it takes is that. A click"
"Listen, you can delete my complaint, but I delete lives" declared Adams.
"We've got a security guard in here…"
"I want you to come over here" repeated Adams.
"He's so lazy that he can't even go to the office though he's insanely angry" commented Alexander.
"You want me…?" repeated Alfred, perplexed. "Fucking hell… Wait there, I'll call our guard and we'll be there in a bit. Bri, come over here!" he pretended to call.
"Nooo, nooo, don't call Bri, nooooo" said Adams in a low and guttural tone. "Come you all alone, brave guy"
"What's going on…?" asked Hercules, who was listening to the whole thing with Jamesat the doorframe.
"Come!" ordered Adams, in a louder tone. "Come here, so I can tell you in your face how much I'm going to damn your whole fucking family tree, you fucking son of a bitch!"
Martha stuck half of her face out the couch she had been sat behind of. "Someone calms him down, he's gonna have a stroke"
"Mr. Adams" said Alfred, now with a normal tone of voice.
"Cooome"
"Mr. Adams, please, wait"
"Coooome, and tell vinegar face to come as weeeell"
"Mr. Adams, hold a minute, you're on drugs" said Alfred, laughing a bit at the end at how ridiculous all this had started to be.
"Noooooo" shouted Adams, with the same dark tone of voice. "I don't fucking care what you've gotta tell me! I've heard enough!"
"That's the voice of a demon" commented Theodosia, afraid.
"He is" nodded Thomas, looking at her seriously. "That man is a demon when angry"
"Sweet Lord…" muttered James.
"Gosh, he's like a hybrid between Angel and Alex when they're angry" said Eliza, looking at Madison and Hercules, who nodded in agreement.
"Mr. Adams" Alfred tried once again.
"You've made lose my time and my hours of sleep! Now come here, because you've won a prize to the biggest son of a bitch of the universe!" Adams screamed.
"Tell him it's a joke" advised Thomas.
"He doesn't listen" Alfred defended himself.
"What a chaos" commented Alex, under his breath.
"YOU DON'T KNOW WHO YOU'VE PISSED OFF TODAY, LAD!"
"Mr. Adams, please, listen to me" begged Alfred.
"NOOOO, I DON'T CARE ABOUT WHATEVER SHIT YOU WANNA TALK TO ME ABOUT NOW!" he shouted through the phone, with rage. "I'M FUCKING CRAZY, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU MADE THE WORST MISTAKE OF YOUR LIFE BY CALLING ME TODAY, AFTER ONLY NINE HOURS OF SLEEP!"
"Mr. Adams…" said Alfred, laughing a bit.
"COME, SO I CAN THANK YOU WITH A SLAP IN EACH CHEEK. COME. OR I'LL LOOK FOR YOU! I KNOW HOW TO FIND YOU, I'M TRACKING YOU DOWN, MISTER"
"But if he doesn't know how to use Google Maps" commented Laurens, laughing.
"Mr. Adams…"
"I'M GOING TO RUIN YOU AND YOUR FUCKING COMPANY. BE…!"
"What's all this shouting?" a female voice asked.
"Nothing, honey, go back to watch TV" said Adams, with a normal voice.
"That man is bipolar" laughed Hercules.
"John, I was hearing you from downstairs. What's going on?" inquired Abigail.
"Nothing, I…"
"Give me the phone!" she ordered.
Thomas got up to walk to Alfred, who was listening to the struggle in amazement. Suddenly, they heard a slap and Adams hissing. Alexander and Laurens bent over and laughed under their breaths uncontrollably.
"Who is it?" asked Abigail, clearly annoyed. "What's going on?"
"It's a prank, Abi" explained Thomas, taking the phone for a moment.
"A prank?" she repeated, a bit surprised.
"What prank?!" howled Adams. He might've taken the phone away from his wife, because his voice was clearer now. "What prank?!"
"We're all here, Adams!" explained Martha.
"It was all a joke, man, you need to learn how to chill!" added Peggy.
"… … You fucking…"
"Well, now we know how he wins some cases" joked Alexander, laughing with Laurens.
"Who was I talking to? Who was…?" Adams wanted to know.
"A friend of mine" Laurens replied.
"You don't know him" added Hercules.
"Luckily for him" commented James.
"You bunch of assholes…" cursed Adams under his breath.
Then, they heard a thump that startled them.
"John, are you crazy?!" screamed Abigail.
"To hell! Fucking workmates, damn you to hell!" he shouted, in the distance.
"This man has no sense of humour or human decency, Jesus" complained Abigail. "Hello?" she said, sounding clearer now.
"What happened?" asked Theodosia.
"Nothing, this man threw the phone out of the room"
BANG.
"And that?" asked Eliza.
"He slammed the door shut" she explained.
"I told them not to go too over the limit, but…" tried to excuse Thomas.
"Don't worry, darling. It's him, he's an idiot" said Abigail, boringly. "But let me tell you something… I wanna be there next time"
"If there's a next time, we'll remember you" promised Lafayette.
"Good" she said.
"I've recorded it!" said Angelica. "Do you want me to send it to you?"
"Of course. And to punish him for his childish behaviour, I'll put it on YouTube" decided Abagail.
Lafayette turned to a smiling Angelica. "You're satisfied now, I guess"
"Like I'll never be" she replied.
"This went down quickly" commented Eliza. "Angel, remember to inform me when Adams go on a meeting day. Now, I don't want to miss that"
"Yep, promised" she gave her a thumb up, while scrolling through her contacts.
A month and a half passed. Eliza talked about the issue with Alex, thinking maybe her sister or even he had forgotten. Alexander surprised her when he explained that Adams hadn't come to work in all that time, claiming to be ill from different things each week.
"I feel less bad for pranking him" commented Eliza.
"You're feeling well, my dear Betsey" said Alexander, nodding with a smile.
ANSWERS:
j'cris ton nom: Don't worry. Family is difficult even for naming each member XD! Maybe you're both? That's what I want to tell myself when I write or say something very inspirational. Aaand I was called that as well by a former friend.That hint with Eliza's name ringing bells to Ruth was because the organization is the orphanage Eliza helped to found (it's mentioned at the end of the musical). Though I might no use the name, it was one of those past references I love to play with so much. That was exactly why I made Lafayette say it. Sometimes while watching TV I feel like people make the same mistakes and want to resolve them with the same solutions (not only France, I'm talking about my country sometimes, too)
Alex and Thomas' relationship is one of my favourite to write, so I like when I read anything in the reviews related to it. Why Thomas took that money will be revealed in chapter 11, I think (which would be like... chapters 23/24 as Fanfiction is concerned?) But guesses are accepted XD!
I'm more excited for Avengers 4 than 3, in all honesty. I mean... That will be the movie when it all go down... I'm not prepared for that.
What Monroe did will be also revealed eventually. Though if you want a hint, it's not very different from what he did to Alexander in real life.
Actually, we're closer to Africa than Gibraltar, which is just in between them. As this is a turistic place, it's common for people to know foreign languages. English and German, mostly. Though that depends on the person and the school you go to. Funny thing: I used to hate English because my teachers sucked when I was little, and all I know, I learned it within two years by practice and on my own XD.
Thanks! Congratulations on the 13th position on the festival! I love your song for this year!
"Falange" is just a normal word. You can hear it being used without a bad connotation. In fact, falange was used to designate Greek infantry as well as others organitazions or parties from the right-wing, not only the Spanish one. You can heard 'falangista', to refer to people who still have that kind of political thought. But, if you're interested, people can get really upset if they hear you sing or even whistle "Cara al sol", which was its hymn. The lyrics aren't that horrible as others, but it's just for the memory of that time of repression. Also, the Spanish flag with an eagle on it, because it's "fascist".
Another funny thing: most people think that eagle is something only related to fascism, but it's not. It's the Eagle of Saint John, and it was first used by the Queen Isabel I (The Catholic Monarchs). Isabel was very fond of that apostol, as she was comforted by the readings of his Gospel during childhood and was also crowned Queen on St. John's Day. Franco just borrowed it and nowadays people associated those elements to him instead of to the Catholic Monarchs... Wow, that was a long response... Hope I didn't bore you XD
Sursum corda!