Spider 17

A wizard, a knight, and an ice fairy walk into an office. They are greeted by a pyro, a Goddess of Headpats, and absolutely nothing else.

Nope.

No way.

I'm not here.

The room fluctuates between the ordinary and the bizarre in bits and pieces. Here and there, a carpeted floor extrudes itself into a dirt path littered with pebbles, only to flatten out once more into bloodied steel paneling. The desk that takes up most of the room still has an old computer monitor on one side, a metal tray of surgical instruments on the other, and is missing the middle portion completely, the surface broken away into rubble and cobwebs.

Labyrinth is still sitting in her demented operating chair, the only movement she makes is the light swinging of her legs. The leg rest changes from stone, to metal, to textile between every other kick. She still has her hands clasped to her chest, as if cupping something precious between them—except for the fact that it's empty.

Completely empty. Not here, lalalalala~

Spitfire is half-crouched behind the chair, having dove for cover during the aborted ceiling collapse. Once it becomes apparent that the sky is no longer falling, she's quick to pick herself up and interpose herself between the chair and the incoming capes.

One of the heroes floats down through the gap in the ceiling, turning slightly as the other two walk in using a gap in the wall. The knight shoulders aside a fallen bit of plaster, clearing the way for a more slender figure to drop to the ground and enter behind him.

"'This is my city,' you said. 'Your assistance is welcomed, but not required,' you said." The wizard lightly taps his staff on the ground, making sure there's nothing inconveniently underfoot. "How's that working out for you?"

"Myrddin…" the knight grumbles. "Focus."

"Of course," Myrddin replies. He steps to the side with a flourish, sweeping his staff up high and flaring out his robes. His voice takes on that echoing quality from before, filling the room with sound. "Miscreants, before you lies the Commander of the Guard for this glorious city. The Champion of Justice. The Protector of—"

He's interrupted by a sword thrust out in front of his face.

"I am Chevalier," the knight says, lowering the flat of his blade. "Leader of the Philadelphia Protectorate. This is my city. I would place you under arrest for trespassing and destruction of public property except…" his helmet turns to look out the window. "There's not much actually destroyed out there, is there?"

I can barely peek outside for how tightly Labyrinth is keeping her hands together, but from what I can remember of the last parts of the fight? Lots of stuff on fire and lots of rubble. Plus the fact that we turned a good portion of the local block into an outdoor cave.

Yeah, we might be kinda screwed here.

"Nothing except what you did," Spitfire mutters. Our designated spokesperson (mostly because there is nobody else who can hold a conversation) is almost vibrating, ready to fight or flee at a moment's notice, if not for the ice fairy raising a hand threateningly in her direction. "Everything that was created here should revert when we leave, but any windows or buildings you broke are all on you."

Wait, what? This can all be fixed? Wow, Labyrinth is amazing!

Chevalier turns away from the window to face her directly. "And you are?"

"Leaving," she returns. "Hopefully soon."

"That may be difficult," the knight replies. "You see, we were on our way to a nearby facility that seems to be suffering from an unlawful intrusion. You have prevented us from responding to that intrusion in a timely fashion."

Hey, it's not like we made you stop here, buddy.

"We're not exactly keeping you from flying off into the sunset," Spitfire says, again unknowingly echoing me.

"Perhaps." The helmet swivels towards Labyrinth, still clasping her closed hands against her chest. "And who might you be, Miss?"

"She's also lea—"

"It is a grave offense to prevent a maiden from speaking out in her own defense," Myrddin rumbles warningly. "Even if by another lady."

The blue-clad cape, their own outfit somewhat form-fitting and curvy, gives a rather unlady-like snort.

"She doesn't speak," Spitfire protests. "...much."

"Oh, well that's different then," the wizard says much more agreeably. "Still, it couldn't hurt to try."

The green-robed maiden's head twitches slightly for several moments before it turns towards Chevalier's direction. "...Labyrinth," she says softly.

"Thank you, Labyrinth. Your cooperation is appreciated." Chevalier turns his head slightly to look over his shoulder. "Rime, anything?"

The ice cape shakes her head. "Not a name I know from anywhere, but I do recognise this effect. You might recall the report I submitted a few months back?"

Chevalier takes a moment to search his memories, then aah's an epiphany. "Faultline's Crew. This is the inmate they took with them?"

His voice suddenly drops into a growl as his sword flickers to a slightly larger size. He plants it blade-first into the ground right before Spitfire. "Which would mean that we're dealing with kidnappers."

Spitfire reels back. "Wha? No! I wasn't there—it was before my time, I mean. But Faultline would never—ah, shit."

Chevalier simply nods, not lording over the coerced admission and pulls his sword back over his shoulder. "Warn the group heading for the facility on what to expect."

"Done," Rime promptly responds.

"What's the ETA on our own reinforcements?"

"They're still a few minutes out."

Huh, so Labyrinth wasn't originally part of the crew? She was kidnapped too? Wait, Spitfire said she wasn't. But then… that's exactly the sort of thing a kidnapper would say, isn't it?

No wonder she's a Goddess of Headpats! She's in the same boat I am! Don't worry Elle, I'll protect you from all comers!

Chevalier drops to one knee before Labyrinth. Even kneeling, his armour and build still has him towering over her. His voice drops, becoming more gentle, almost soothing. "I'm familiar with the events of that day. We're aware of your circumstances and the possibility you may have been coerced into leaving. The people at Alchemilla were trying to help you. I'm sure they're willing to continue to do so. You don't have to stay with these people."

"Labyrinth," Spitfire sputters, falling silent as Rime snaps her head to over to glare at her.

Wait.

Waitwaitwait.

So, Labyrinth… was in an asylum before, and Faultline and company took her away from it? Okay, fine… nobody likes to think they're crazy. But… now Faultline's come back to the asylum because… because reasons?

Did she forget Labyrinth's meds or something? Is that why she's so spacey?

Did Labyrinth not want to leave the asylum? Accusations of kidnapping are being thrown around; was she taken against her will?

Are… are we the bad guys?

Wait, no. I'm not a bad guys. Guy. I'm not even part of this! I'm completely blameless, but that doesn't mean I can't help to correct this injustice!

I'm with you Elle! I've got your back one-hundred percent!

Labyrinth remains still for several long moments, but the heroes seem confident enough in the situation to wait her out. Rime is completely focused on Spitfire, which makes the other woman fidget slightly, but Myrddin just casually leans on his staff, humming tunelessly under his breath.

Chevalier may as well be a statue for how much he is moving, his helmet locked directly at the girl now quietly rocking in place.

Finally she stills and exhales heavily, lowering her hands into her lap.

"I… was not… happy," she says quietly. "The doctors… did not make me happy. Mimi… did not make me happy."

She turns her head towards Spitfire. "They… make me laugh. They are interesting to me. They are interested in me." Her head droops as if tired, staring at her lap. "They make me feel… needed. They make me feel… happy."

D'aaawwwww! You're so precious!

…Okay so we're the good guys then! Defenders of Elle's smiles! Go team!

Wait—crap, I've just allied myself with a villain crew haven't I?

Chevalier nods, though with his helmet in the way I can't make heads or tails of his actual expression. "If that's how you feel, I suppose I must accept that." He climbs to his feet then, the motion ponderous and heavy with the weight of responsibility.

"Nevertheless, I must inform you that by firmly declaring your allegiance to a group suspected of criminal activities, their fate shall be yours as well. Do you understand?"

Labyrinth's reply is much faster. "Yes."

"Then before I place you all under arrest, I have one more question." He picks up his sword and takes one large step backwards, bringing the blade in line in the same motion.

"Labyrinth!" Spitfire shouts, taking a step forward before checking the motion as Rime shouts a warning.

Labyrinth doesn't move. See this? This is trust. I'm not gonna let anything happen to her. She knows I've got her back. I'm with her the whole way!

"What," the knight says in a low and dangerous voice. "Is in. Your hands?"

…

Um. Sorry, Elle, but could you give me a moment to wriggle my way out?

I did say I've got your back but… uhm, this is your front. You know what I mean?

C'mon telepathy powers, activate!

Labyrinth obligingly lifts her hands back to chest height and unfolds them as if opening a book, displaying me for all the room to see.

Fuck you, non-existent telepathy powers. You've failed me for the first and final time!

Chevalier stares. Myrddin lifts his head from his staff and stares. Even Rime turns her head and stares. Three heroes with masks that hide their eyes, yet I can feel the weight of their observation.

Chevalier's head suddenly snaps up and begins swiveling back and forth. His helmet seems pointed at something in the air above us, but I don't see anything.

Spitfire also looks above our heads, then lowers it to regard the knight, her posture displaying confusion.

A harsh, horrified whisper emerges from the helmet, "...what are you…?"

Huh? I'm a spider. So what?

"...This is Tee," Labyrinth says almost proudly, lifting her hands slightly in presentation. "She's my friend."

Then she curls her fingers slightly and starts to tickle my underbelly.

Eheh. Ahahah! S-stop! Stop! Oh God, why do I have to be ticklish?! I can't help it, I begin to laugh—

—and Labyrinth slides her finger in between my fangs.

Wait, what?

"...and she's going to kick your ass."

…

…okay then. But we're going to have words later about your language, young lady.

NOM.

I mean seriously, who's been teaching you that shit? Was it Newter? I bet it was Newter. I knew I didn't like him.

Chevalier's head snaps back to her, as if tracing something through the air. His voice still has that horrified bent to it as he all but shrieks, "What in the world?!"

Myrddin fully straightens, his staff flaring with light. "What is it?!" he shouts in concern. "Chevalier, what did you see?"

"The spider is a cape!" comes the reply. He pulls his sword back slightly then swings it cross-wise as if to sword-slap me from Labyrinth's hand. "Or at least has powers! Stop it!"

A marble column erupts from the ground with near-blinding speed, intercepting his attack. More pillars grow to either side and form a palisade.

Labyrinth tips her hand, dumping me into the air just as another pillar grows under my feet… which then ascends abruptly and flings me into the air.

Whoo caaame uuup wiiith thiiiis plaaaaan?!

Rime looks confused, disgusted, and bewildered all at once as her leader apparently loses his shit. "What the fuck…?" she mutters.

"I know the feeling," Spitfire commiserates, then hocks a glob of para-napalm at her.

The ensuing designated girl fight leaves Myrddin the only one left to respond to an airborne spider on a ballistic arc towards the ceiling. He raises his staff and flourishes it, the light emanating from the tip tracing a small sigil afterimage.

And the ceiling comes rushing out at me.

As in, the ceiling that Chevalier caved in with his cannonballs? The ones that nearly crushed us before Myrddin did some hocus pocus to banish it? Somehow, they're ba~ack!

Like, what the fuck? Isn't this overkill for little old me?

If I didn't have—SHIELDS!—a way to block that, that could really hurt? You know? What happened to non-lethal takedowns?

Also, you are not sending me blasting off again!

Blink!

I reappear on the walls of the abandoned building just in time for Myrddin to wave his staff and 'Banish!' several of the pillars walling of the space between the heroes and Labyrinth. Somehow my arrival catches his attention and he traces out a new Throw-the-Thing-I-Just-Magick-Nom'd-at-a-Target sigil, except nothing hits me but a rush of air and he looks taken aback.

Though only for a moment. Then he spins out a new sigil and shoots some familiar-looking fire at me.

Aah! Blink!

Hmm, old-me plus the walls splattered with para-napalm. That looks like a really horrific way to die. Also, people complain about me stealing powers? This guy totally yoinked Spitfire's attacks somehow.

Chevalier is swinging and cleaving with that massive sword of his. In melee range, it's really doing a number on the walls Labyrinth is summoning to impede him. He's strangely half-hearted about it though.

Sometimes after a quick chain of attacks Labyrinth has nothing preventing her from getting skewered and she still hasn't moved from her chair. Despite that, Chevalier's attacks when her defenses are down never seem to hit her. Instead they seem to come rather slowly and with the edges of the blade carefully angled perpendicular to his swings.

That lasts until she brings up a new statue or column or wall just in time to block that particular attack, at which point he steps back slightly as if warded off. By the time he 'regains' his footing, Labyrinth has grown a new set of walls for him to blitz through.

What a softy. He'll keep for now.

Meanwhile, the wizard isn't being a softy, instead he swings his staff into a wide arc and his voice thunders through the air.

"Banish!"

And the fucker makes a black hole that is only aimed at me, somehow.

Fortunately, I've watched plenty of movies and know how to deal with such attacks. Don't run away, run to the side. Get out of the line of fire.

Grappling threads!

A yoink to the far side of the room gets me out of the black hole's sucking arc and to safet—

What the fuck he can turn it?!

Grappling threa—oh, whelp, goodbye thread, I wasn't that attached to you anyhow. Geddit? Attached?

Uhm.

Blink!

Okay, he has a good eye and some very fast reactions… Fine. You want me? You can have me!

BLINK! BLINK! BLINK! BLINK! BLINK! BLINK! BLINK! BLINK! BLINK! BLINK! BLINK! BLINK!BLINK!BLINK!BLINK!BLINK!BLINK!BLINK!Blinkblinkblinkblinkblinkblinkblinkʙʟɪɴᴋʙʟɪɴᴋʙʟɪɴᴋʙʟɪɴᴋʙʟɪɴᴋʙʟɪɴᴋʙʟɪɴᴋ…

Someone in the room is screaming. Probably Rime, I think Spitfire has got to be used to this by now—nope, Spitfire's screaming too. Thanks for making a girl feel welcome, Emily. You suck.

"BANISH!"

So do you, Mr. Wizard! But less metaphorically!

What gives in first? Your black hole of bullshit or my ability to clog up your shitty vacuum and stay one step ahead?!

Maybe half a step ahead?

Oh my, this suction is very stro—