The next few days were fantastic. Spencer spent the next few nights at her parents house, she couldn't exactly go home, and I didn't think it was a good idea for her to stay with me. Especially with Kyla and Aiden right next door.

We've had a good chance to get to know one another during the day though, going to the beach, eating together, talking together. Lot's of time to become friends again.

Almost.

Don't get me wrong, I've been enjoying the hell out of myself. It's just, 10 minutes into laughing and reminiscing, I can't stop myself from feeling that dread sink in. The same feeling I had when things started to get weird with us, with her back then.

The feeling I haven't been able to get rid of since she started to break me.

Every time I feel it creeping in I shake it off, because I know this can work. I can't tell you how hard she's trying, plus I haven't even seen Patrick since the wedding. That helps me think that Spencer's not going to be stupid and go back to him.

But I just…I'm having trouble.

"I don't know, Kyla. I mean, her mom's just been keeping her from me since she found out, and it makes me worried of what their doing to her in that house. What if they ship her off or something?"

"Ashley, you're forgetting that Arthur would never let Paula ship his daughter off. He's not a push over. Stop being worried, I bet she's fine."

She continues to watch VH1 and eat a bagel on my bedroom couch.

"Kyla can you just pretend like you're listening to me? For like a second?"

"Ash I don't know what you want me to do. If you're worried, talk to Spencer on Monday at school."

"What if Paula decides to home school her? What if.."

Kyla put her hand on my mouth.

"Okay. Let's drive over there and see if she'll talk to you."

"Oh please, the she-demon won't let me within two feet of the door."

"I didn't say we'd use the door." She winks at me then gets up and grabs her keys. "You coming? Or am I going to have to have a conversation with your girlfriend alone?"

I jump off the couch and admire how much I've already rubbed off on her.

We pull up to the street one down from Spencer's, and take the ladder out of the car. We sneak around the block and hope to god no one is going to call the cops on this conspicuous sight walking through the neighborhood.

"Okay Ash, find some rocks or something."

I reach down in Paula's front garden, and grab a handful. And kick a few flowers for good measure.

I position myself below Spencer's window and start throwing a few, missing quite badly, but then getting the hang of it after a while.

Soon, I see the curtains pull back and her face. The face I've been missing for four days now, finally there above me.

Her window opens, and she looks down, confused.

"Spence!"

She smiles but doesn't say anything.

"Do you want to…well we brought a ladder, do you want to come down?" I whisper yell.

"Um…no, I don't really think it's a good time right now, Ashley. My mom's downstairs, and if she saw me, I don't think I'd ever be able to leave the house."

"Oh…well, can I come up then?" I know I was being annoying but I haven't seen her in almost a full business week, shouldn't she be acting like this too?

"No Ash, I'm sorry." She goes back into her window and closes it and shuts the curtain.

I look over at Kyla whose staring at her shoes.

"Well…that was definitely weird. But don't worry Ash, she's probably fine, just stressed from having to life in the same house as that bitch. Come on, let's go home before we see blue and red lights."

I let her put her arm around me, and pull me back to the car, ladder in tow.

I have this feeling creeping into my chest…like a strong pressing feeling. I can't get rid of it, like I've swallowed a bowling ball.

I hope I'm wrong.

"Kyla, it's me, please open the door."

"Hold on!"

I'm waiting out in the hallway at 10 PM for my sister to open her damn door. I tried to go back to my room and sleep after a full day with Spencer, I really did, but I need to talk."

"Kyla hurry!"

"Ash can you just go to Aiden's room? I'm a little busy in here!"

Great. She's probably got some guy in there. Gross. I guess that's what happens when I let my sister go free in LA by herself without watching her. She picks up bar trash.

"Fine."

I walk one room down to Aiden's room, hopeful to not be blown off again.

He of course opens the door right away.

"Ah, good to see YOU'RE not hooking up tonight."

I walk in and take a look around.

"Um…no?"

"I think that's what Angel Kyla is doing next door."

"Oh, hahahah." I look over at him, wondering what's so funny.

"You knew about this?"

"Oh Ashley just come inside and catch up with the friend you've been blowing off the past four days."

"I haven't been…blowing you off…"

"What would you call it then?"

"Tactfully avoiding."

"Right. So what did you need then, so you can go back to 'tactfully avoiding' me?"

I sigh, only slightly annoyed by his teasing.

"Can't sleep."

"Well it's early, when have you ever gone to bed this early?"

"Since I woke up with Spencer at 6 this morning to surf. Apparently it's the best time to go."

"Surfing? Since when do you do anything physically active?"

"Can we just skip to the 'I can't sleep' part?"

"Alright, um…have you tried counting sheep? Or is something bothering you?"

Something bothering me.

"No, I'm fine. Yes I've counted sheep."

"Is it Spencer?"

Yes.

"No Aiden, I just told you that."

"Sure you did. I just don't believe you."

I sigh.

"Fine. Yes, something's bothering me. I don't know what it is."

"I think I can tell you."

"Okay Socrates, hit me with it then."

"She broke your heart and you can't trust her anymore. No matter how nice she's being."

"It's not that she's just being nice, I really do believe her. And I know she means it when she says she sorry, or that she was just confused back then, but…"

"But it doesn't change the fact that she ripped out your heart and fed it to the wolves."

"Yeah…yeah I guess."

"Well I think you shouldn't forgive her. It's not like she's given you any reason to trust her. All she's done is apologized. If she really wants to be in your life like she says she does, she'll find a way to prove it. Until then, I think you should tread carefully."

"How am I supposed to do that? I mean…Aiden she's…you know how I felt about her…how I still feel about her. Am I just supposed to ignore those feelings?"

"No, you're not. But if she's the one for you, she'll fight for it. You've fought enough. Let ehr be the one who puts it all out there this time. That's what I think."

"I'm just…ugh Aiden I'm just still so fucking mad at her."

I can't keep it in anymore. I just break down crying. I let him hold me.

How do you forgive someone who fucked up so big? How do you just forget it?

And when did I turn into the type of person who just cries like this? I used to be made of steel, not chewed up bubble gum.

"Ash. Ashley, look at me, please. You have to talk to her about this. No more surface things, no more conversations that end with you feeling stupid, just you and her talking this all through. Tell her exactly how you feel."

"Fine. I'll try."

"Want to sleep here?"

"Yes." I wipe my eyes quickly and say, "but if you tell anyone I was crying I will tell everyone your favorite movie is that duck one with Anna Paquin."

"Fine, I promise I won't. But seriously, don't tell anyone about that okay?"

I laugh and lay down on his bed and fall into a dreamless sleep.