Chapter 21: Pride Before the Fall
Tasha
September 10, 2037
Arasi Sands, North of Severja
2032 hrs
I heard a lot of things. I wasn't in Bethlehem Park obviously. It was some shock trauma unit in the rear. Spent a few hours under the knife and all I'd done in the time since was wonder what life would have been like if I never joined the military at all. My life would have been much easier. I would have met better human beings than Rico, Charles and Jason. There'd be no more reveille, no more PT, no more idiot officers to deal with, no more dumb rules or inspections, and most of all…no more rifle cleaning. There would be no more bad food.
I'd have my own life, my own dream, and my own rules. I'd be in college, struggling to make it to Calculus, sneaking off to parties to do keg stands, and plenty of decent, beautiful men to date. No more sand, no more heat, and no one shot at you. I wouldn't be a target.
And war would have been an abstract idea. I could not vicariously live it through my parents.
And most importantly of all, there would be no more death. Back home, death was something either abstract or indistinguishable to most people. Most people would lose loved ones on occasion and feel grief, but they were not in an environment that promoted death and destruction. My hometown wasn't a place where death was encouraged.
But then someone else's little girl would have been on the battlefield. Someone else's little girl would have been in the same hospital bed I was in, but they'd be in incredible pain.
My war was all but over; at least that's what they said. The funny thing was that my body didn't feel as bad as I thought it would after the surgery. I wonder if it had anything to do with my genetic dysfunction. My mom had surgery once and she wasn't the same for at least two days.
My hospital bed was hard and the smell of dirt was all around the area. We were inside a building, but like most places in Yuktobania, the walls were a permutation of gray, black, red or white paint.
There was a hole the size of a small jawbreaker just underneath my heart. Had it been a few inches higher…my aorta would have written its own will. My parents would have wept for days and my sister would have no one to make fun of. Brandon wouldn't know what to do with himself. There was another hole in me, one in my leg. It had missed the bone completely. But I wasn't lucky because for a few hours, I wanted to die.
I wanted to die because Xanthia wasn't beside me in this place.
I met Xanthia in the same place my brother met his girlfriend. It was summer. I was completely lost as I drove around trying to find the Sade D'lafate Plaza east of the Hermosa Strip by the beach. The problem with Cara's Cove was that it was very difficult to get around. There were three main areas in Cara's Cove, Soho Strip, Hermosa Strip and Renaldo Strip. Dulcinea lived in Hermosa Strip. Micho and the others always hung out in Soho Strip since that was where the bars and strip joints where. The metropolitan area was a labyrinth of asphalt. I thought I arrived when I ended up at the Triangle Statue, however…that was in Hermosa on the other side of the damn city!
Frustrated, I got out of my car and tried to call Brandon and curse him out for his piss-poor directions.
It was then I saw someone to the left of me. I was wearing these beige pants and white, ruffled shirt. I'd bought them at a pricey store in Formosa Hill. But this other woman was wearing this cheap get up. Her white jeans were ripped a little, her shoes were old and she wore this powder blue camisole top. She had some kind of glitter eyeliner and her nails looked like the top of her fingers were bleeding into them.
I didn't see her come next to me but as I looked left, I found myself looking up at her. Next to me was the giantess, a rail thin six feet and an inch of russet eyes and light brown skin. She had something in that black hair, some kind of strange glint…some hairstyling product. I had my own long raven hair back then. She was beautiful though.
There was absolutely nothing about her to suggest she was military personnel, even if she was on vacation. A lot of people from St. Hewlett vacationed down in Cara's Cove, even if it was damn hard to get around. Hollywood was too far away.
She asked me if I was lost. I told her yes. She said, wouldn't it be cool to be lost together? I'm kinda new in town myself. I was tired of looking for my brother, and if I had have taken a little more apprehension to this woman…our future would have been much different. I said, okay, let's go somewhere and go nuts.
Where are you from, I asked.
She said Rutherford; then she asked me where I was from.
I said Pikes Hugo, Alaska.
To which she responded, for real? You're seriously from Alaska? Well, no wonder you were lost. That's like a whole different country up there.
She introduced herself and I did the same. She and I walked down the street like two lost cats and tried not to get hit by the insane drivers who littered the area. The sun died down, the street lights came on, and the sky was filled with a beautiful orange, golden glow. We continued to trade barbs on our home states.
They got Eskimos up there or what, she asked. Her hearty laugh filled the air.
No! It's pretty normal. I guess there's nothing but drive-bys in your neighborhood then.
Well…yeah, you'd be right. It's kinda funny though. My town's got a lot of Belkans in it. A lot of them moved there after the war way back then.
Forget that, let's get crazy. Let's go find something to do.
Let me ask you something, where's a place you'd never go to in a million years?
I don't know…a strip club maybe?
Needless to say, we ended up going to a strip club in Soho Strip called the Dolphin. Funny thing was, the place was relatively new. However, she did know someone that worked in the club by sheer chance. One of the dancers was named Dakota, and apparently she'd once been a former Marine up at St. Hewlett. At the time, I didn't question how one went from Marine Corps accountant to stripper; I probably should have. But Dakota got us in for free. It was then my powder blue shirt wearing friend told me she too was a Marine. I never thought we'd end up in the same unit, but we did. Of course that was after we ran out after someone got a little wild and started a fight with the DJ. Since I was staying down there, she gave me her address. She took off that night and exactly a minute after my fast friend left, Brandon, Dulcinea, Charlotte (Dulcinea's cousin), and Jamie (Charlotte's husband) showed up in Dulcinea's uber-expensive car.
He asked: Where the hell were you?
I replied: I don't know, I watched some strippers with a black woman and gave 'em a hundred bucks.
To which my brother replied: Tasha, you've got some problems.
Then I said: Where were YOU?
Dulcinea said: We were going to Rachel's pajama party before you decided to bail on us.
My brother said: who was that woman you were hanging out with anyway?
Then I said: some girl named Xanthia.
And the rest was history.
As I lied there in the dead hospital room, I knew that such a thing would never occur again. It was just as apocryphal as my parents' air force carrier or the occurrence of a strange comet in my lifetime. But none of that made me cry. Xanthia King was gone.
I could only lay there alone. The walls were narrow though. There were times in the hours where I would rub my index finger against the wall and wonder who was next to me. I heard many things. As I finished the moping about Zanne, I was surprised to hear the voice of Ivanava. The voices came from the very room next to me. When she did speak, I lit up a little. But as she spoke, there was another set of voices. The first was the voice of a woman. It was hard to determine who's voice was more regal, hers or Ivanava's. The second was a man and judging from his voice, he was a Yuke. However, his intentions were made rather clear as it went on.
"So, Ivanava. What's new in your world? How's progress?"
"Well, we have a unique problem. I took poor Tasha's blood and it seems that the virus does indeed respond to it. The genetic information is changed. It worked. Seelow can be countered…even cured."
"And the catch?"
"Well, I think I understand why the enemy wanted them both."
"What do you mean?"
"For the hell of it, I combined the blood of the brother and the sister…and I injected the mixture into the vial. The virus cells multiplied at an incredible rate. The cellular growth was triggered from 1024 to over a million in seventeen seconds. The host was starving itself in mitosis before…"
"I'm not a goddamn pathologist, Zarolslav. What does this mean?"
"How rude. I expected more of you, dear Sorenia."
"It's Sorenson."
"Oh, sorry."
Finally, after a long silence, the Yuktobanian man spoke. His voice was raspy, the kind of voice and old smoker would have.
"What she's saying is that the combined blood is having the opposite effect. The SR strand that had been exposed to the two siblings' blood had created an entirely new strand. We tested it with the original compound…and nothing happened. The DNA mutation was still there. The Rhombus Gene Contingency was worthless."
"Let me get this straight. There's a third possible configuration of this?!"
"I'm afraid so."
Zarolslav decided to cut in. I wasn't sure if there was any animosity between the group. I was about to find out.
"Not so fast. It can be cured. All the combined serum needs is a third host, one affected by the RGC, of course. And there are plenty of ways to manage that."
"There's no guarantee it works, woman…or man or whatever you call yourself."
"I am merely more than a mere human..."
"A freak."
Now I was upset. Zarolslav was once a pure female. Then a couple of a sickos kidnapped her and like many other unfortunate people captured by the Soma, she was exposed to the Seelow Rot virus. However, in Ivanava's case, she had a truly unique circumstance. She was exposed over many weeks to the virus. However, because she carried a unique genetic defect they called the Rhombus Gene, the implications of which still escaped me, she didn't die or suffer any negative effects from it. It did, however, change her anatomical makeup. It turned her into a hermaphrodite. It also changed the color of her eyes, her skin, and it even made her taller than she actually was.
I am both concurrently male and female…and neither at all. I have no idea what to call myself anymore. I don't even look the way I did months ago, she said.
This almost complete metamorphosis had an obvious effect on her mind as well. Frankly, I didn't blame her for her antics. I would have been a little unhinged myself if I was changed into an androgynous freak of nature.
"I am an item of beauty. And what does my true gender matter to you. I could crush the bones in your neck with my off hand at will."
And of course, it made her strong as a superhero.
"And a freak nonetheless."
Whoever this Sorenson woman was, she was obviously the fulcrum; the calming influence.
"Enough, both of you; I'd keep your insults to a minimum here, okay?"
"It doesn't change the fact that we still need the brother. We can't inoculate everyone in Yuktobania without him."
"They can't do it alone."
"Actually they can…if we had enough blood."
"Dr. Raji, there is no way the Osean government is going to allow their own soldiers to participate in this cockamamie plan of yours without significant proof. There are ways around this."
Dr. Raji, his name was. I could tell he was a doctor, but now I knew there was plenty of animosity between the two. That would also imply that Sorenson was a doctor as well.
"My people are dying. My homeland is dying. They have a chance to save us all from Musharak's evil."
"There is no way. I can't allow that to happen. If you have a problem with it, take it up with General Moreland. But I still have authority here…and you have to trust me on this. There is a better way to do this."
"Sorenson, the needs of many outweigh…
"…the needs of the few, I know the old quote. But this is not a black and white situation. Why don't you tell this girl's parents that? They have the right to decide. After all, they did fight to save this country 27 years ago…and again in 2016. They've done enough for you. What are you going to tell them?"
"Sacrifices have to be made. We can save this world. We can all be heroes."
If this Dr. Raji thought I was going to be a part of that idea, he was dead wrong. The woman was spot on to mention my parents. Hadn't my parents done enough? Since my dream was no longer to follow Brandon's lead, I had no desire for any delusions of heroism. However, to my brother, it was all very real. And it was clear that such a thing held a lot of weight in the eyes of Dr. Raji…and as I would discover, this Sorenson as well.
Wait a minute, I thought, how the hell did she know about my parents 27 years ago?
"The word hero means a lot of things. It implies righteousness, will, and pride. My job is the protection of the soldiers who use our weapons. That is my first priority. And I take great pride in it. A hero without pride is just a martyr."
I heard the snort from Raji. There was something about his response that told me everything.
"Well, you know what they say Sorenson…pride always comes before the fall."
My mind drifted a little. I only heard the words. I tried my best to comprehend them as I attempted to pull myself out of the sadness that had become my life in a hospital bed; my life without my friend. I didn't even think anymore about what Sorenson said about my parents. I should have, but it didn't seem to matter anymore. I wasn't going to be the hero for this one. Not everyone could. After all, someone had to survive and go home to tell the story.
I thought about Xanthia's mother and her son. By now, they'd known about Zanne's death. I had no idea how Derron was. Last time I checked, he was still in the coma from the allergic reaction he had. But that was days ago. There was no way to know if he was still alive or dead. If he was alive though, I thought, who was going to take care of him? What if something happened to Zanne's mother? There was a story about a woman who had a heart attack and died when she found out her son had been killed overseas back in 2016.
Deaths in the military were twice as tragic. Soldiers were almost always killed by some invisible enemy that was too far away to understand.
As I thought about it, my room's door opened. The door was similar to one you'd find in a prison or some kind of psychiatric facility. That's probably what the place was before we showed up and made it Osean turf. But inside came someone I didn't expect to see show up, but despite that was physically there. It was Zarolslav.
Ivanava didn't have the mime makeup on anymore. She did have on a white lab coat and over her azul gem eyes were a pair of oversized goggles, the same ones I had to wear in Biology lab back in high school. Her nails were painted purple and underneath the laboratory smock there was some kind of brown white dress and white heels. However, protruding from underneath the dress were wide fishnet stockings. Just the sight of it should have made me laugh, but I wasn't in the mood to laugh.
"Hey, you. God, you looked like camel crap when you came in." she said, sitting on the bed.
I pushed myself up and looked at her, but I said nothing. I just looked away. Zarolslav pushed my head toward her face and took a careful look at it, as if she stared at one of her scientific creations.
"What's the matter? You're not your usual talkative self." She said, her voice down an octave.
"I've only known you for three days…if that." I finally said. I wasn't even sure about what I said myself.
Ivanava asked, "What happened, dear girl?"
"I know what you felt back then…back in Kosata."
"What?"
"I know what it's like now…to lose someone you love."
"I don't know what you feel. I've never been on a battlefield by choice. It makes everything I believe rather trivial, wouldn't you think?"
She patted me on the head, but it felt unusual. I looked over in the mirror…and I noticed my hair had grown even more! It wasn't the short cut I had before. Now it had turned into a flat parting with sets that grew down to my ears. It looked strange as hell, but it was almost similar to the hairstyle that Dulcinea's mother hand. I decided not to get back into another discussion about the virus…just yet. I changed the subject only after a few seconds of unscrambling my brain.
"Hell, people like you are the reason my brother came over here." I said.
"Men like him are a rare breed." Ivanava said. Then, as she said that, Zarolslav took her hand off my head and turned hers in a violent whip towards the door. Her teeth bared, she had the look of an angry carnivore. As this happened, a black haired man walked into the door. He wore no protective gear. He was dressed in a business casual style: black collared shirt, charcoal sport coat with no tie and dark slacks. There were black combat boots where I expected loafers. I had to admit, he looked better than most twenty year old men did.
"A dying breed, wouldn't you say?" the man said. His walk indicated he was someone of importance.
The man was obviously a Versuan, and he looked strangely familiar. He'd been flanked by a pair of men who were obvuiosly not Marines, nor Army. They carried strange looking snub rifles with the cartriages in the rear. I'd heard of those kinds of weapons, but it was strange to see them up close. Of course, my brother knew an assload about guns.
Zarolslav snarled, "What are you doing here?"
The man pulled a chair up to my bed and dismissed his armed entourage from the room, "It's a free country, isn't it? Actually, I just came to check on the virus situation…and say hello to the so-called hero's sister."
That would have implied that this man had probably met Brandon before. But he did seem familiar.
"Why are you so interested in Lovecraft anyway? It seems a little seedy a mercenary would be interested in some nineteen year old girl, especially someone who should have been incarcerated years ago for war crimes."
There was animosity between them, which was painfully apparent. A ten year old could have picked that up. The men who'd joined this man were obviously mercenaries as well. I knew PMCs were over here and most people didn't like PMCs.
Brandon knew much more about this stuff than I did. He read every modern book on the wars from the Belkan War in 95 to the Continental War in Usea in 2004-05, Yuktobania in 2010, Verusa in 2016-17 , the Fato Crisis in 2021, the Versuan Oil Crisis in 2025, the Wellow Uprising in 2031…
"Well, I've know the both of them since they were little kids….and their parents too."
I looked at his features, and I began to put the picture together. I remember a Versuan man visiting my parents when Brandon and I were four years old. My mother was always snarky to him. Four years later, he showed up again. He was always dressed like a movie star. He certainly looked like it too.
Ivanava put on a childish voice. "Well, la-di-da, that's news to me."
"Now, Doctor Zarolslav, I have some questions I want to ask this woman, so if you'll just be on your way."
Ivanava asked, "What do you possibly have to say to her? It seems you're always causing more problems than you solve."
"No, now, Dr. Raji on the other hand, he's trouble." He said, "By the way, did you do any digging about that project I mentioned?"
"No, I didn't. I have more important things on my plate than chemical weapons projects from the 60s."
"That's rather unfortunate."
Zarolslav left the room, her steps high and narrow. It was almost the way I would storm out of a room when I was a little girl. I was alone with the Verusan man as the door shut.
"Do you know who I am?" he asked me.
"Not really."
"You don't remember me? Mr. Kaida?"
Now it all made sense. He was someone my parents fought with and against in 2016. My mother said he was a shifty figure who couldn't be trusted at all. Of course, my brother knew much more about him. He said he was a PMC pilot who fought in a lot of controversial wars. However, as I lied in my bed, it seemed he'd been made into a high level manager or executive.
"I've been all over the world and I've met a lot of strange women. Dr. Zarolslav is weirdo numero uno."
I replied, "She's the way she is because of this virus."
"I know. She told us everything. That scares me to no end; that is, the ability of the human genome to proactively evolve to respond to disease. But is what she's doing heroic? Probably not, but I won't get into why."
What was he talking about?
"Well, my brother always said that heroes come in all shapes and sizes. He'd know better than anyone."
Kaida turned his head away as if he'd seen someone do something stupid and couldn't find the words to say to him, "Goddamn it, if I have to hear one more word about your brother and this fools' dream he has…"
"You have a problem with it?"
"Of course I do. I live by survival. It's a natural situation, based on the animalistic way of thinking about things. Your brother is a fool because he thinks he can defy the basest of human function: survival. You guys have taken this Osean dream thing too far."
"Why? We're not allowed to dream? Why, because of a scientific way of thought?"
"In crisis, everyone reverts to their base emotions. You'll see. When the chips are down, your brother will drop his dream faster than a plane at Mach 1. Then, he can join the ranks of every soldier with common sense: ones with the will to survive."
"This idea of heroism is a dying idea. Believe me, I've been all over the world and I've witnessed every single deluded derivative of valor. It's all about survival and pride…and money too."
My brother's dream was no longer my own…but that didn't mean I wouldn't support it. I could only have imagined what the conversation my brother and this Kaida was like.
"Besides, what good is a dream against a virus?" he continued.
"I heard this thing was manmade." I countered.
"It was. It was created by scientists your brother's company rescued during a raid on some town called St. Marie du Maurine. Rescued, however, is a relative term."
I heard about the rescue operation, but I had no idea they were gone. That would explain a few things. That would have meant that before Zarolslav was mutated, the time period she worked in the Cinigrad asylum where they secretly tested people with the virus, that she worked with and probably knew these scientists. And that meant that they were probably working for the enemy as well.
"What do you mean?"
"Dr. Victoria and Raul Glass. They fled unfortunately. They knew about the monster they'd created. But, now it seems that everything Zarolslav said about mind control was absolutely true."
"What?"
"The same night your company was wiped out by Seelow Rot, your brother's company was attacked by hundreds of crazed Hazri natives after they themselves were exposed to the virus."
That part I already knew. But why was that relevant?
"It's been happening in sporadic periods all along the Allied lines. Hell, even a few hours ago, your brother's company was attacked again by these berserk people."
Now that puzzle piece showed up. The big one. It was true indeed.
"The Marine Corps has been unable to keep this under wraps. Now everyone in the military knows. And since they also managed to rescue that Lillian character, who I might add is numero dos on my bizarre women list, now she already has a report out. It's a mess. No one can keep anything a secret anymore. Now, everyone in the highest positions back home is up in arms."
I was ticked off and glad at the same time. They probably referred to my brother's company…and that meant they saved Lillian Izzo. I was elated inside, but I didn't quite show it on the outside.
"Well, the war's is going good…isn't it?" I said.
"The war's only as good as the Soma allows it to be. After all, they have plenty of soldiers willing to die for their imaginary god."
"I don't think the Soma's got that much fight in them." I said. However, the way I said it…maybe I tried to convince myself of the truth.
"You're ignoring the elephant in the room, Tasha. If this virus really is as potent as its proved to be already, only disaster of biblical proportions follows."
"Are you suggesting the Hazri are really going to use the weapon against the population?"
Kaida became furious. "Idiot girl. They already have, whether purposely or involuntarily."
Finally, we were interrupted by the opening door and in walked another woman. The other regal voice, "If that's true, why haven't the Soma done this already?"
"Sorenson."
The woman walked in. She had dark brown hair and she wore some kind of black and charcoal pantsuit. She also had on a rather pretty looking midnight blazer. She did exude a great deal of importance from the air in which she carried herself. However, she looked more like a pharmaceutical rep than a business woman. Why did this war have so many business people, I thought.
"You'd think as crazy as Musharak is, he'd have already infected his own people. They had eight months to mass produce this, you don't think they'd already done it by now…even if there were people who were already immune to this?"
The woman's voice was the exact same as the calming influence in the room next to mine.
"Well, psychopaths don't operate on our schedules."
Sorenson was clearly angry, but her words didn't show it. "Look Mr. Kaida, while you're talking about heroism, something you know nothing about, why don't take care of your own house, eh?"
"Touche. That incident was a mistake. But I'll leave the two of you alone then." Kaida said. Kaida got up out of his chair and left the room. As they did, Kaida looked right into her face with a cocky, furrowed look. This Sorenson character replied in kind.
"I really hate that man." The woman said. She sat down in the chair Kaida used.
"What is it with your family? You two just keep getting into all kinds of problems. I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree."
Now I was confused. "What do you mean? Did…"
She brought up my parents twenty seven years ago. How did she know? She wasn't someone my parents knew or at least, she didn't seem like someone they'd know.
"I've always known about you and your brother's true identities, and I didn't need friends in high places to find out."
"How?"
So…she told me everything about me and Brandon, and how she knew our parents. She had even talked to them over a webcam. Each word she said struck a chord with me. Then, I noticed her eyes. I thought they looked blue at first, but as I looked closer…they had a violet tint to them. It was the strangest thing I'd seen…since Zarolslav. But that was irrelevant as she went on.
It was unbelievable that she knew this much about me and my family. Now, my parents had worked with government officials, but despite the fact she introduced herself as Helena Sorenson, Executive of Military Personnel Affairs for Hephaestus Corporation. I was confused because she talked more like a government agent than the empty suit for a weapons company, the same corporation that invented those fancy suits Power Recon wore.
But the fact she knew my parents so well…
I could only respond, "Wow. I guess everyone's going to know before long."
"Well, it was inevitable that people would find out. No one can keep a secret anymore…even those who are good at it."
"What do you do here anyway?"
"I do work the Hephaestus Corporation, but I'm also a liaison to the PW Division about this virus. That's the reason we set up this forward shock trauma unit. We transferred everyone who'd been infected to this facility. Certain people who worked for my company started all this. But that's all I can tell you."
Dr. Victoria and Raul Glass. They fled unfortunately. They knew about the monster they'd created.
That was shocking. What did this Dr. Glass know? What really happened back then? It was all too confusing.
"Then who was that other doctor guy, then?" I asked. I wondered about the fourth person in on this situation.; the man who wanted me to be a part of a cockamamie plan as so eloquently described by the woman in front of me.
"Oh, Raji," said Sorenson with a scowl, "he's a man who only believes in the letter of the law. He believes the ends justifies the means is the only way to live life."
"Why is the enemy so obsessed with us?"
"I'm sure you already know and your brother does as well, to an extent."
"I wonder if Brandon knows I'm laid out, that I'm down for the count."
"Probably not. He has more important fish to fry. They're clearing the central areas in the Jilachi desert. They're just about 28 kilometers south of an oil field held by elite Dogmen troops…the Soma call them Wolf Knights or something."
"How did you know that?"
"Ways and means."
My brother was in the thick of the real war, as some called it. Jilachi was a deadly place. The Soma engaged in hourly battles with Loyalist soldiers and our own. The war was taking longer than most people thought it would. Then she went into what went on at home. It was disturbing. Protests, death, destruction, controversy about the war…it was a total mess. I couldn't believe what was going on in the nation's capital. Then again, Cinigrad was probably a million times worse.
Apart from that, the more Sorenson talked, the more I liked her. She seemed like the kind of person who knew a lot but didn't patronize people. She was kinda pretty for a Middle Osean woman in her late thirties. 'Course, I'd been to the Ozark region and well, let's just say that the women after thirty should have received federal funding for plastic surgery. But there was one nagging question in the middle of it all, a poison inside of me. I shouldn't have wondered it, but I asked her anyway. She said that they brought everyone infected with the virus to this medical station. I'd heard that Rico had been exposed and had been suffering from the effects of the virus. There was that part of me that had to know.
"Is…there…is there a Rico Lazarus here?"
"Oh, that's right. Yes, he is. You two were in a relationship, correct?"
"How did you know that?"
"Skills."
I should have suspected it. Maybe my brother mentioned it to her. Of course, the way she talked about my bro, you'd have thought they were good friends. Where did that come from?
"Stop that. Are you working for the government or something?"
"I did at one point. I have a lot of friends on Bright Hill."
That didn't surprise me at all. There were a lot of nagging emotions in me then.
"There's a part of me that's thankful to be alive. But there's a part where I wish I was out there though. At least…for Xanthia's sake."
I looked to my left again and Sorenson looked rather somber when I said that. Did she know too?
Sorenson continued, "Women should be on the frontlines. But it has nothing to do with fairness and feminism. Women know when things have gone too far. Men never know when to stop. Sometimes, that's a good thing…case in point, your brother. However, most of the time…it just creates tragedy. Then again, so does the will to act. That's why war is terrible. Stubbornness crashes against determination. In the end, no one truly wins. Something always gives."
"You sound like my mom."
She put her hand on my shoulder. "The greatest skill a warrior can have is not that which kills, but which yields."
For the first time in awhile, I laughed. "That definitely sounds like my mom."
"My father told me that before I entered Annapolis."
Ex-government. Ex-military too. Ex-commissioned officer. That surprised me more. There was nothing to indicate she was ex-military.
"What was that like?" I asked. My face lit up. I was very curious about her military career. I hated most officers, but Sorenson was likable. She must have been that way when she wore the bars.
"It was really fun." She said with a slight chuckle, "It was much more fulfilling than I thought it would be. I even saw a little action during the Versuan Oil Crisis. War is my business, but not of me. I actually hate war sometimes."
Now that really shocked me.
She continued, "Most people think I'm no authority to voice an opinion on war. Your mother's view, while flawed, is a valid opinion. Ironic, no? But she fought, she put her life on the line, and she and every other soldier gets an opinion…and not some asshole liberal in Oured who burns things to make a point."
Sorenson took her hand off my shoulder and I stunned me a bit because I forgot it was there. She got up and left the room, her black heels clicking across the white tile.
This executive projected much more than intelligence. Her decisions probably often made her associates and subordinates angry. I guessed there was a method to the madness. I imagined she was the person who always stayed on her Queue, always communicating, always changing plans, always ready to improvise.
She could have been the forty year old female version of a certain Brandon Lovecraft.
After all, Helena Sorenson seemed like the kind of woman who always knew exactly what she was doing.
***
Exactly ten minutes after she left, I got the surprise of a lifetime. The mercenary guards who'd been with Kaida had long since gone. I was alone, uncaring of my situation. I could wonder about Xanthia's family and the immense pain they were in as I dealt with the same inside a soul that was black with depression.
But speaking of a black hole of depression, enter Rico Lazarus. Out of the goddamn blue. I knew he was here, but I pushed it to the back of my mind. I didn't want anything to do with Rico Lazarus. Dina Gaudes wanted me to get away from him. My father had his doubts about him. Lillian knew about him after some digging of her own. Chapman knew…
I ignored them all for weeks, and when I finally freed myself of him, or so I thought, there would be no more contact with him. I wanted to cut my ties with him as quickly as I could. Out of sight, out of mind. He was right in front of me. He didn't have one of the hospital sets of clothing on like I did. He was tall and long, the same physical reasons I fell for him. He was ripped but he walked nervously. He swayed his body a little. His brown hair was tousled. I wasn't sure at the time, but something was seriously wrong with this picture.
"Hello, Tasha." He said. He closed the door behind him.
"What? How did you get in here?"
"Thought I'd go for a little stroll. All those psychoanalysis sessions wore me out."
"What happened to you anyway?" I asked him.
"Took a mortar round, cracked my helmet glass and got a full on blast of that special Soma aroma, if you know what I mean."
"In a sense." I said.
"But as usual, your brother always lucks out better than I did."
I knew then my brother had suffered from the virus exposure, but whatever Rhombus count swam in his veins had countered it. Sorenson had mentioned it when she told me about the extended conversation he had with her.
"It's too bad your friends can't say the same thing. Or you for that matter…that is, assuming you take the Dina thing into account."
He laughed, "I got your little…letter." He tossed a crumpled up piece of paper right at me.
I tossed it back him.
"I bet you were so heartbroken." I said, adding an extra little acid, "Maybe next time you won't hide stuff like that from your girl of choice. But then again, you never changed anyway."
"Funny you should make that assumption. Of course, it'd only be an assumption…if it wasn't true."
"So my instincts were correct."
"I'm just curious…who told you? Was it that bitch?"
"She did. That bitch wrote me a letter. I gave it to Charles and Jason. You really should have been there…it was priceless. I scared the hell out of them. It was one for the ages…"
Near my hospital bed, there was a small silver table. The table was similar to the one I saw at every doctor or dentist's office. On the table were usually a few instruments like an orothascope or whatever the hell it was called. Maybe there were tweezers; maybe there was a tiny flashlight or something. But the one instrument that stood out was the scalpel. The scalpel had several different configurations. There were at least a dozen numbered varieties. The number depended upon whatever cut was needed to be made. Scalpels were used in more than just doctor's offices. The typical usage for such a device was in art: the X-Acto knife. It could also be used as a weapon. But like all weapons, they were a necessary evil. They could be used for good or evil.
"You women are so funny. You people think you're slick. All you do is tease us. When we do want it, you're never ready…but you get mad when we're not on your schedule. You want everything done for you and everything has to be done on your terms. That's the reason why I didn't want to stay with you. I thought you were different. But in the end, you were just like all the other girls out there."
I chuckled at him. How misguided was he to believe that I wanted to control a man, much less every woman. Sure we were manipulative sometimes, but to suggest we were all evil bitches was fallacious on an impossible level.
"Except Dulcinea. She was the one who got away."
"Now that's she knocked up by your closet homo Brandon, my last chance went out the window."
Homosexual jokes were much more common among line companies than rear echelon people like me. Something silly about Alpha Male dominance, my mother said. I knew Brandon had been called that many times, but he never let it get to him. That was probably why I couldn't stand it when Carile was treated the way she was.
"You never cared about me? Fine, that means we technically never went out. That means I can go hook up with some guy in Belka because we never happened. Maybe Xanthia's brother would like me. But she's dead…and I can't go for her opinion anymore!"
"Oh yeah, I heard about that. I never liked her anyway. She was such a phony…just like your brother."
I turned purple in the face. I knew it because I saw my reflection in the mirror. Throwing a small glass at him, "You can talk about my brother all you want…but you will not talk about Xanthia like that!"
The glass shattered against the wall but Rico was unfazed.
"Forget them. Your brother's going to end up as dead as your friend was."
"What?"
"That guy wants things the hard way. He chose this life. To be honest, I actually enjoyed killing. It made all those months and years of slaving in the Corps worth it. But all the other stuff…I wanted no part of…and yet I did it anyway because I had no choice."
"Well, don't choose to rape innocent women."
"Please. There are no innocent women. You all want everything. When you get divorced, you want everything…even if it was your fault."
"Gimme a break."
"I saw it all the time in November City. Just because you and your parents lived in that crappy house in Alaska and had the perfect family life doesn't mean I don't know what's going down."
"You were rich. Of course you saw it. Your mother was an evil bitch for what she did. My mother would have never done that. It would have never occurred to her. "
"Evil has its benefits."
"Ah, but you hated the Corps. You got out of jail, but you ended up in a place you hated. Isn't that the perfect poetic justice?"
"I should have done my time. At least I'd get to sleep at a decent hour. In prison, you don't have training sessions at five in the morning with dumbass officers and senior NCOs yelling at you because you did port arms instead of shoulder arms in drill, or the plastic explosive was four seconds off, or your shirttails are untucked a little in the rear."
Rico stared at me with cold eyes.
"Now Brandon, he lives for this stuff. He's an idiot. I couldn't put up with it. I kept getting rolled back and ended up in your brother's company back in Recon Training. For your brother, the Corps was his dream. For me, it was a nightmare."
"Why do you keep insulting my brother? Why? Is it because you know you're only half the man he is, if that? Is it Dulcinea? Or is it you have to tear down my bro to overcompensate for a lack of depth in a certain area? That insecurity surprises me. I mean, that was something that was never a concern for me because I liked you for you who said you were…and not who you actually were."
"What did your parents teach you that? You know…liking people because they have a good personality?"
"Rico, what happened to you? Why are you this way? What happened?"
Rico turned his head and looked to the left…right at the table. And on that table was a scalpel. He picked it up and waved it around.
"You know how easy it is to kill someone?"
"What?"
"All it takes is the flick of knife against a wrist or a windpipe, or maybe a stab to the heart or the back, or even a gunshot to the head or the femoral artery."
"Uh…okay. What are you talking about?"
"Killing is an art form perfected by those who are trained in death. It was the only thing that got me through this endless, ridiculous cycle known as the Marines."
"I love death. It purifies life. It makes you grateful to have your own. It gives us freedom."
He approached me and held the knife towards my face. My blood was icy and I couldn't breathe at all for a minute. Was he really going to kill me?
"Rico, you're freaking me out." I struggled to say.
"Imagine how easy it would be to kill you; to slit your throat and let your blood stain the sheets."
"Rico…get away from me." I said forcefully. And just like that, Rico pulled the blade away and laughed.
"Relax. I'm not going to kill you, Tash. You take these things too personally." He said.
I gave him a furious look, "I don't know…I tend to take people who threaten to murder me very seriously."
"No, you're just lucky. But there's no way out for any of us. You know, I wonder what would happen if the Soma themselves were exposed to the very gas they used against us. I'd hump the shit myself. Thirty million people gone, the war's over, and I'll be free."
I only had a quick response to that, "It wouldn't solve your problems. You'd still be a soldier against your will. But then again, you made the choice to join."
Rico turned the silver table over and turned back to me, his face filled with fire hot rage, "I really hope that Sueltana shows up in a body bag…and your brother too!"
I was too shocked to even speak. I couldn't even believe he'd say something like that.
It was one thing he was unrepentant of his past actions. But in a few days, he'd completely changed his demeanor…not just that, but the way he thought about everything. He'd from the pretty boy, upper crust, spoiled but wonderful guy I met weeks ago to the pretty boy, upper crust, spoiled, convicted would-be felon and accused rapist.
Rico had turned into a psychopath. Even angry people, at least normal angry people, didn't say things like: I hope you and your sister die horrible deaths. The way he walked, the way he talked, none of it added up. He'd gone crazy.
"You know why? Because are only two kinds of people on the battlefield: the dead and the killers. Everyone I know who claimed to be a hero in my company has killed. Every soldier is a hero. The soldier's job is to kill. Therefore, they are all killers."
What happened to him, I wondered. Was it really the virus…or was it the war? Or was it a combination of the two? Or was it something deep inside, a cancer from the past (Dina Gaudes notwithstanding), a black festering mess inside that rotted his soul to nothing?
I knew enough about Rico on my end. The only thing I didn't know was what Brandon knew about him. I assumed he didn't know about Rico's horrible judgment in the past. Brandon did, on the other hand, knew a lot more about Rico in the squad than I ever did. But even then, it spoke volumes about his character. After all, Willie Chapman was the only one who knew and it was Chapman who dug into the past and started the entire deconstruction of our relationship…and to that, I owed him a great deal of thanks.
But in the end, I was the one at fault. I chose to believe the lies and hide us from everyone.
Regardless of that, something had happened between eh time I hugged him in Bethlehem Park and the few minutes he talked about slitting my throat.
I had no sympathy for him. He was angry at the choices he made, but not because it harmed the other people it did, but the most important person it did: Rico himself. It was obviously not behavior to suggest war had changed him. It was probably something that made everything inside him worse. It was always there.
For me though, our relationship was nothing like that. It was always a tiny ember, an insignificant piece of sand, a star that burned too bright and faded into nothing. It was a fire that never burned at all. In other words, it was just absurdity.
"That's the worst syllogism I've ever heard in my life." I heard Sorenson's voice said.
Sorenson walked in with another man in a white lab coat and beige clothing. He was the exact opposite of Kaida in terms of looks. The obvious scientist was a little disheveled. He was a heavy set man but he carried himself with an air of decorum that I'd never seen from any fat person ever. It was almost embarrassing to watch. I assumed this must have been the Dr. Raji character.
However, Rico wasn't impressed with this at all. He picked up the scalpel again.
"Who the hell are you?" he said.
Sorenson responded in an angry voice, something I hadn't seen during our brief time together, "I'm the queen, it doesn't matter. You're taking up valuable time with my associate here."
"What are you a lawyer?" Rico said.
Rico pointed the scalpel at Sorenson. I couldn't move, but I was scared to death of what Rico could have done. He was already out of his mind, and it could have turned ugly fast. However, the executive simply smiled at him as he got closer. As Rico got closer, he waved the scalpel as if he were a child playing with a stick. My stance relaxed a bit once I realized he was probably screwing around. Obviously, Sorenson did not get that message.
One of Rico's slashes came a little too close to her head. As he did, Sorenson bobbed her head to the left and Rico followed it with his hand. I saw it and thought it interesting that he said flick of the wrist, because Sorenson grabbed his with her left hand. She slammed it into the wall. Rico continued to attack her, but when he made a lunge forward, she slid around his back in a spin that only a professional football or basketball player could do. No, it was even faster than that, because as I saw her do this, Rico was on the ground. She'd spun around to his back, grabbed the same arm he used to thrust the knife and with a strength I didn't think she had…she slammed his head into the wall. She picked up the scalpel, finally on the floor, and stood at a rather strangely arrogant, intimidating posture for someone in a business pantsuit.
Rico looked up as MPs rushed in. His head was bleeding. His face and eyes scrunched in obvious pain. I was speechless.
"No, I'm just a hero in a blazer." She said, pointing the scalpel back in Rico's face.
The MPs took him into custody. And by custody, I meant the guys slamming him around even more than Sorenson did. I imagined he was probably wishing Sorenson had finished kicking his ass.
"You're no company stooge. My mom dated guys who could do stuff like that…ex-Secret Service people, mercenaries, etc." Rico said, grimacing.
"Well, take a guess." Sorenson said.
He was in complete shock and I was as well. After all, Sorenson couldn't have been more than 140 pounds. She was pretty tall for a woman, about as tall as Xanthia was. But Rico was twenty pounds heavier than Brandon and was slightly taller than he was. 230 against 140 shouldn't have been a contest. But she manhandled him with a speed I'd never seen before. Or had I? Because of her months of prolonged exposure to Seelow Rot, Ivanava was much faster than the average human. And stronger; I still had the light contusions from when she punched me in the stomach…six days ago. But she and I were of similar weights. There was only a thirty pound difference between us.
The fat Dr. Raji spoke to Sorenson as she was about to leave the room herself. It was strange. She didn't even ask if I was alright.
He said, "I had a feeling you weren't just some empty suit for H Corporation. So who are you really working for?"
Sorenson snapped back, "That's for me to know and you to find out."
Now it was fully clear that Sorenson wasn't all who she said she was. So I asked, "Wait, why are you so interested in me and Brandon?"
Sorenson spun on her heel and pointed at both her eyes with a wave of her index finger. "Let's just say that you and I have a lot more in common than you think."
Her eyes. Of course! Just as Zarolslav had said, I'd changed. My eyes changed color from green to blue…
But it couldn't be the case. Zarolslav got her mutation from months of extended, forced contact with the virus. But then again…Ivanava had said that the Rhombus Gene, manifested itself in many ways. Was Sorenson a carrier too? If that were the case, why wasn't the enemy after her as well? What was going on?
After the MPs hauled Rico from the room, Raji moved to cut off Sorenson before she herself could leave.
"Who are you really working for, Sorenson!? I should have suspected something a long time ago!" Raji said.
"Ah, that's the real question isn't it?" Helena said, turning her back to me and walking out of the room, "But, you won't find out now. I can…assuming the war ends. But not right now…because if I told you, I'd have to kill you."
Sorenson turned and left the room. Raji then turned from me, his fist clenched, his head shook ever slightly and I could hear a hiss or some other angry guttural sound from his throat.
"Insufferable bitch." He said.
I was a little upset at that point, "At least someone knows what's going on."
Raji turned on his heel, as if he had a gun and were in a classic duel. But it looked kind of silly for someone of his size to do, "And what do you know little girl? Your senses have made you bold."
"What?" I said. It was sort of playing dumb, I knew what he meant by senses, but why would he bring it up?
"I know exactly what's going on with you. You have the power to save many lives within your blood." He said. But I could see he was sweating a little.
His voice was both angry and pleading at the same time. It seemed his demeanor hadn't changed since he talked to Sorenson. This spoke volumes about him. It was clear that he wanted action, but he came off as desperate and weak. It was almost as if he was trying to convince himself something that he knew wasn't true.
"Look, I don't know you and I don't care about saving the world…I just want to survive and go home. I just want my siblings to live. We're overseas risking our necks to bail you guys out." I said.
He pointed right at me, "With all the power, you wish to do nothing? If that's true, then there will be nothing but blood on your hands."
It all seemed preachy. There was just something about him that seemed…off. His heart was in the right place, but it didn't seem genuine. There was something fishy about Raji. It was the exact same feeling I got with Kaida and Sorenson.
"What are you talking about? I'm really just a truck driver, okay? I'm not into dreams of saving everyone, okay?"
"You Oseans are never concerned about anyone else but yourselves. But you'll see. You'll understand exactly what I mean."
Raji, evil banter aside, walked out of the room. Ivanava walked into the room and Raji pushed her aside in anger. Ivanava let him know how she felt with a certain finger then walked over to me and sat down on my bed.
"What the hell was he talking about?" I asked. The question was more towards me than Izzy, as I started calling Ivanava.
"Ends and means." Izzy replied, "He's so obsessed with saving his own people he can't see the forest from the trees."
"Why do you guys hate him so much? He is trying to save people. I just don't see what me or Brandon has to do with it."
"No…he's got his own agenda. Just like me, just like Sorenson, just like Kaida…everybody's got an agenda. Believe me, Raji's no hero."
Izzy moved in closer to me, "Kaida may think heroes are self-sacrificing preachy fairy tales, but you know what? Heroes survive because they live by the strength of their convictions. I think your brother's going to do just fine. But Raji…he has no true convictions."
"Why do you say that?"
Zarolslav leaned in close to me, she was so close her nose brushed the side of my cheek. "Can you keep a secret?"
"What the hell do you think? All I've been doing is keeping secrets." I said in a whisper.
Zarolslav crawled onto the bed and lay beside me, but at that point there was nothing even remotely awkward or extraordinary about this woman's behavior. I'd finally accepted that Ivanava was merely the Yuke clone of Lillian Izzo. Her head was right next to mine, but I didn't look into her face. Her lips were right beside my ears and into them she whispered whatever secret she wanted me to hold.
"Raji wants to use everyone with the Rhombus Gene, you remember that? He wants to make enough of the antivirus to inoculate a large area."
"What's the catch?"
"It took me a few hours to do the math but to manufacture an antivirus to cover the entire country by square mile would take at least one hundred million times the standard squared density of the human blood. The actual virus mixture doesn't linger in the air that long so it's impossible to use the jet stream."
Finally, I turned my head to her. I was staring right into those deep sea irises. At this point, she could have done anything to me and I wouldn't have cared. She had a smile on her face and continued to rub her finger down my new lock of hair. I still couldn't put a finger on that, but I was fully sure the RG or whatever had something to do with it.
"But Raji thinks he's slick. He claimed that you'd need 10.4 million kilograms per grid kilometer of aerial antivirus solution. This morning, I double-checked his bullshit calculus and he really only calculated an area of 1.4 million kilograms per grid kilometer. That's only enough to cover 420,000 square kilometers. It's about the size of Hollywood district back in your homeland. Not exactly enough to cover the country obviously."
I was terrible at math, but I knew the obvious. Raji did all those calculations and hard, detailed research in his ass.
"I thought scientists were supposed to be good at math and shit." I said.
"You're right, but I couldn't merely dismiss it as gross negligence. A thief can't fool a thief and a scientist can't fool a scientist. You know what else is equal to 420,000 square kilometers?"
"No." I said it softly, but I could even barely hear my own voice.
Zarolslav laughed bitterly, "It's the entire Southern area of the Hazri Highlands, a population of about twenty million people. You wouldn't know it from the outside…but Raji's a Jaair Yuke."
"You're kidding me." I said, shocked and much louder than before. My eyes bulged.
"Nope," popping her lips on the P yet again. Ivanava snorted and furrowed her brow. "Like I said…agendas."
Next Chapter: Into the Fire