[Marylynne7 - thanks for reading and reviewing! I'm glad you liked them.

Loudmouse - Like the scene at the beginning of 3.1, but with Parker totally lecturing Nate on how he can't stay in jail because they need him? Could be fun :)

guest - re: N&P post Inside Job - I'll see what I can do.]

(More) 2 AM Conversations

After 02x08 (The Ice Man Job)

Eliot and Hardison

Hardison's POV

[May not actually take place in the middle of the night. (gasp!) This conversation just seemed to perfect to leave out, and it wasn't until I went back to the episode to look into a couple of details that I realized it's still broad daylight when they're at the bar. Oops.]

Alec was pretty sure Eliot wouldn't really break his arm, but he let the older man go, just in case. It was hard to tell with him sometimes – he might consider a broken arm a minor inconvenience and think nothing of it. Instead of trying to further force the hug, he busied himself ordering pizza to be delivered and chatting at Parker.

It wasn't until he went to pay for the pizza and came back that he realized there might have been more to her terseness than her usual awkwardness. She was gone.

"Hey, man, where'd Parker go?" he asked Eliot, hoping nothing was wrong.

The hitter gave him a look of scorn. "Who the hell knows?"

Alec shrugged. That was fair. He had no idea where the little blonde thief lived, and he had tried tracking her down. He was pretty sure she was more paranoid than Eliot, changing clothes (and leaving his bugs) at one of six different rental lockers downtown before disappearing off to wherever she lived – which had to be rented under an alias he didn't know about, unless she was squatting somewhere or breaking into houses or hotels to sleep, which he really wouldn't put past her, knowing how she hated paying for anything. She left her work phone at the office (or sometimes in one of the team's pockets), keeping an ancient flip phone (with no GPS) for emergency calls, and refused to talk even on that for more than a few seconds at a time, avoiding any kind of trace with obnoxious efficiency. She did usually say goodbye, though, before disappearing. "Was she like, mad or somethin'?"

"Damnit, Hardison! You're worse than she is! Yes, she's mad at you."

Wait – what? "Why she mad at me? Could be she' mad at you," he pointed out irritably. "An' there's really no call to be sayin' I'm worse than her at – what?" Alec cut himself off under Eliot's laser-focused glare.

"At least she's tryin'a learn how to be part of a team. You're just… oblivious." Alec flinched, more at the disdain in Eliot's voice than at his words. "You seriously can't think of a reason that she might be just a little irritated with you?"

Alec figured his look of hurt confusion must have said volumes. Yeah, he got caught, but she'd helped rescue him. Even Eliot had, despite saying he wouldn't. And everything had turned out alright, hadn't it?

"Oh for the love of… Hardison, how does Parker define herself?"

"Umm, what?"

"She's a thief, you idiot. This job ain't just what she does, it's what she is. Her reputation, her work, they're what makes her Parker. An' you just spent a whole job takin' credit for her work, not just on the con breakin' into that vault, but the shit she pulled makin' her name. Did you even ask? Or say thank-you?"

Alec really hadn't thought it would be a big deal at the time. He'd been more worried about the con, and then being freaking kidnapped. "You serious, man? I had'a make a reputation as a jewel thief, fast. What was I gonna do?"

"Okay, first off," Eliot said, in the too-calm voice that meant he was really angry, "don't act like this ain't a big deal. Someone took credit for my work like that, usin' my reputation without my permission, he'd be eatin' through a straw the rest of his life, an' if you think Parker's any less serious about her rep, you're an idiot. You better be glad she likes you. Second, you might as well have just said you were Parker, takin' credit for the Polar Star and Damiani. You're fuckin' lucky as hell this guy was a nobody an' didn't know shit about who's done what. As for what you shoulda done, maybe asked the expert ahead of time? If you had, I guarantee she coulda given you other jobs with no name attached. An' at the very least she wouldn't feel like you're takin' her for granted."

The hitter crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow at Alec, who couldn't help feeling like he'd just been punched in the gut. He hadn't even considered that he could blow the con if the mark knew of Parker's more famous jobs. He wasn't sure about that bit about Parker protecting her reputation – but the girl was crazy, and he had to admit, Eliot seemed to have a better line on how she thought a lot of the time. "I don't take her for granted," he said defensively.

"Yeah, man, ya kinda do," Eliot said relentlessly. "Did you even thank her for getting you outta that vault?"

Man, when realization hit, it hit hard. Shame washed over Alec even as he defended himself. "I did!"

"Well, you better apologize, too."

Alec nodded, picking at his pizza. Suddenly it didn't taste nearly as good as it should have. Damn it! Eliot was almost as good at this guilt-tripping thing as Nana. He just knew he was going to feel like shit until he followed the hitter's advice. The only problem was, he had no idea when he'd see Parker again. If she was really angry with him, she might avoid him for days.

"Can you, uh…" the hacker hesitated at the look on the older man's face.

"Can I what?"

"Can you tell Parker I need to talk to her? If you see her before I do, I mean."

"What makes you think I'd wanna do that?" Eliot asked roughly.

"What? Why wouldn't you?"

"Maybe I think you need to think about what you did wrong for a while." Eliot said with a sneer. A fucking sneer. Alec didn't even think the Southern good ole' boy knew how to sneer.

"Wait – you ain't mad at me, too?"

"What the hell do you think, Hardison?"

"Why? What did I do to you?!"

Eliot glared before counting off the things Hardison had done wrong over the course of the job on his fingers. "You overplayed your damn hand, like you always fucking do. You went and got yourself captured, when it's my job to make sure you stay safe. Then you told the fuckin' Russians that you could do somethin' you had no chance in hell of pullin' off. And when we finally got you out, you get all up in mine an' Parker's faces about how you think it all went down good, when we spent the whole damn day pullin' your ass outta the fire!"

Alec couldn't stop the slow smile that was spreading across his face. "You were worried about me?"

"Fuck yes, I was worried about you. An' it was all your stupid fault, so don't you even think about getting' off that damn stool an' tryin'a get yourself another hug, 'cause I really will break your friggin' arm!"

The younger man wisely remained on his own stool, but he couldn't wipe the grin away. Eliot cared. He was worried, and not just because it was his job. Regardless of the fact that the hitter was mad at him now, Alec was still going to count that as a win, gaining the least amount of affection from his most standoffish teammate. "I'm sorry I made you worry," he said, when he felt like an appropriate amount of time had passed. "I'll… try not to get captured by Russians next time."

"You better not," Eliot growled in acceptance of the apology. "But I'm still not talkin' to Parker for you." He finished his beer and set the glass down with an audible thunk as he got to his feet.

"Man, why not?" Alec whined. "She could be hidin' for days!"

"Then you'll just have to think about it for days." Eliot rolled his eyes and headed for the door, still looking back and talking as he went. "This ain't high school, man. I ain't gonna pass notes for you like it is an' get caught in the middle of you two."

Alec snorted into his drink at that image, in spite of his irritation and lingering guilt. Maybe it was a little high school, but he still hoped that the older man would take pity on him. After all, he had said he wouldn't come save Alec earlier, either, but he had anyway.

[Pre-OT3 alternate last paragraph (for Meg)]

A thought rose unbidden into Alec's mind: What if I want you caught in the middle of us? He flushed, and looked away from the older man, glad for the poor lighting and his dark complexion, hiding his embarrassment. By the time he looked up again, Eliot had gone. It was probably just as well. It wasn't like Eliot was any more interested in him than Parker was, and they were both mad at him, anyway. It was still a nice thought, though.