I think I failed at having a cliffy... oh well.

Here's the chappie

19. There are some things you can't un-see

I walked in on the blonde feeding. I tasted vomit; surprising seeing as my stomach thought it hadn't been fed in weeks.

The pregnant vampire held the deer above her. Her mate watched her, helping her balance it as she lapped at the wound at its neck. The wound was small, surprisingly neat. God it was disgusting though.

The blonde didn't even notice me coming in, or at least didn't care enough to stop feeding. Her mate gave me a very pointed glare through, as if daring me to say a word, or maybe daring me to spew on the carpet. I had a feeling that was pretty well prohibited, given that the house looked almost spotless. The blonde didn't miss a drop of the blood, and the dirty matted deer didn't seem to have touched any surface.

I pulled my eyes from the disturbing but oddly intriguing picture, looking up the stairs. I could hear Bella's uneven, fast heart rate from upstairs. I could smell cooking from the kitchen. My mouth watered, even which the leech smell everywhere. Anything I'd eat would probably taste like potpourri with that smell. My stomach still grumbled.

The food distracted me for long enough to not notice Bella coming downstairs until she was completely visible. She clung to the hand rest like she was about to fall at any second, a determined set to her jaw. She probably was about to fall at any moment, but no doubt she didn't want everyone else to know that.

"Jacob," she croaked, her face breaking into a smile. "You're just in time for the gorging session." Was she talking about herself or the vampires?

Rosalie pulled back from the deer, facing the open wound upwards. "I'm done; you can have the rest, Emmett."

I moved forward, not wanting to see that, but from the corner of my eye I saw him run outside. You could still see him on the lawn though, through the glass walls.

Bella smiled at me when I moved to her, wrapping an arm around her clammy, warm shoulders. She leaned into me. She made barely any pressure; she'd lost far too much weight.

"I'm glad you didn't leave," she whispered.

"I did," I said.

She frowned, looking at the clock. "How long was I out this time?" she asked.

Of course Edward was at her side. I hadn't noticed him.

"Not that long, a couple hours, not days," he answered.

She turned back to me, glaring now. "You went back to the pack, didn't you?"

I nodded.

She groaned and pushed away from me. Edward caught her, and she waved him off, walking on her own to the couch. "God, why of all the things I tell you did you choose to not listen to THAT one. We didn't need this, the Cullens and the pack."

"How'd you guess that this would happen?" I asked.

Bella dropped her sharp gaze for a second, before it returned even harder. "It was obvious what would happen, but I guess you didn't see that." Her voice was as sharp as her gaze, even croaky. Her hands were balled in fists. Her chest rose and fell in huffs.

I didn't want another yelling match again.

But then she surprised me by closing her eyes and taking a deep breath. When she opened them she looked calmer, still exasperated, but not angry. "I guess it was kind of unavoidable. Do you know when they might attack? If they'll attack?"

"No, I don't know, but I don't think Sam will attack now, with you all forewarned. He won't run a suicide mission for the pack. He'll wait until he thinks he has a chance."

She huffed again. "Well, I can't do anything about it now." She stood suddenly. The muscles bulged in her legs, unobscured by fat. She looked like she shouldn't be stable, but she was. She walked to the kitchen. "How about you get something to eat with me? When was the last time you ate something?"

I frowned, um...

She laughed. "I'll take that as too long. Come on, I assure you nothing is poisoned."

She walked into the kitchen. I kept close behind her, in case her stability was as poor as I believed it was. She walked sure footed though. I noticed her feet were like her hands, almost skeletal. I didn't know there was fat on your feet to be drained away.

Esme was in the kitchen, cooking whatever it was that smelt so amazing. She smiled softly at Bella and at me. "Do you think we could get something for Jacob?" Bella asked.

When the caramel haired vampire turned back again her smile for me was strange. The vampire didn't look any older than mid-twenties, but in that look she reminded me a lot of my mother. "Of course we can, after all that you're doing for us."

The vampire walked over to the fridge. "I'm afraid the lasagne in the oven is going to take a little while. We have plenty of leftovers though; beef stroganoff, bacon and egg pie, carbonara, spaghetti bolognaise, or would you like something sweet? There's mud cake, caramel tarts, ice-cream, cookie dough, cheesecake, tiramisu..."

Their fridge was massive, and it was full to bursting. My mouth watered as she listed off the foods.

"Just help yourself, our pantry and fridge are open for your use. Bella, are you feeling well..."

Bella cut her off with a fast nod. "I feel a lot more energetic, I can get it myself."

She smiled motherly at us both before disappearing. A few seconds later I heard the shower start to run.

Bella tilted her head at the noise. "Hey Jake, if you need anything I'm sure you can use it here. Like, if you need a shower or..."

"I can use the river." As much as I loved the idea of stinking up their house as much as possible, I wasn't showering in their house.

Bella nodded.

I looked over to where Edward was standing. He sat beside Rosalie, whose mate had returned. He watched us from his perch.

"Why's lover boy not following you around?" I asked.

She grinned and chuckled a little. "He doesn't like the smell of food, especially cheese." I noticed in front of her she had a pile of cheeses.

"Parmesan, blue cheese, feta, that's a little mean."

She giggled again. "Well, you probably stink enough that it doesn't matter how smelly anything I eat is. Plus, I like cheese, and I'm going to enjoy it while I can."

She cut up some of the cheeses, and took out a massive bowl of something from the fridge and put it in the microwave. "Do you like satay chicken?"

Right now, any food sounded good. I nodded. She also pulled out half a mud cake from the fridge; she cut a bug slice for herself and an even bigger one for me.

"Hey, Bella, do you think we could possibly eat outside... away from the smell."

"Sure, I need some fresh air anyway. I haven't been outside since... I can't remember."

I helped her carry the pile of food outside, to the porch. Edward and the blonde were talking quietly, too quietly for me to hear, but from their expression I guessed they were arguing. The big one joined in every so often.

We sat on the stairs. Bella smiled up at the sky, at the cloud obscured moon. "It feels nice to be outside – it's enough being trapped inside my mind, I don't want to be trapped in a box when I wake up too."

Bella took a small bite of blue cheese and sighed.

"Trapped in your own mind?" I questioned.

She nodded sadly, about to reply when a short white blur shot in front of us. I could only just follow. Bella jumped a little, choking on what she was going to say.

Izzy sat cross-legged in front of us, smiling guiltily and apologetically. "Sorry, I'm supposed to baby sit you. Rosalie is worried he's gonna throw you over his shoulder and run."

I rolled my eyes, Bella smiled understandingly. "You don't have to worry; Jake got that out of his system ages ago." I remembered when I picked her up and threw her in the ocean... when I had some chance with her. It was a bittersweet memory.

"Yeah, well, if I go back in there they'll only tell me to go back out. I can pretend I'm not here though, watch from a tree or something."

"I'm sure you'd make a great bird," I said sarcastically. She tinkled a laugh in response.

Bella ate another piece of cheese. Izzy's nose crinkled delicately.

"Sit upwind, I'm enjoying my cheese," Bella said. Izzy laughed again, sitting on my side. Her cold shoulder touched mine. I forced away the shiver.

"As I was saying," Bella continued, not changing the subject despite our new audience. "It is like I'm trapped, but of my own will. I guess it's like going in a cave," she grinned for some reason I didn't understand, "my senses are kind of taken away, but I can still feel my way around. It's disorientating, and after a few moments you learn to just trust your instincts, go with the flow for better a description. It's nice to be free, even if it's only for a little while." She took a deep breath, taking a scoop of peanut satay covered vegetables and chewing it aggressively. "God, I wish I could sleep."

"Why can't you?"

"Because I don't have the time," she snapped, and then took a long swig from a full-sized soft drink bottle. "I'm sorry, it's just. I guess I can blame it on lack of sleep. I haven't slept in weeks. My body can restore itself a little while I work on the baby, but my mind never rests. I've had a headache every time I wake up. I guess it's a good thing I can't feel my own body when I work on Rose's baby."

"God, Bella, why do you keep doing this to yourself?"

"Because I made Rose a promise, and I'm not going to break it."

I knew I'd get no further in that argument. We sat in relative silence for a while, the only sounds being the sounds of chewing, swallowing, and out heartbeats.

Eventually it was too quiet, Bella looked sad at that. So I forced out the first thing I could think of. "So, if you do survive this," it wasn't necessary to state how little chance that was of occurring. "What are you looking forward too when you're a vampire?"

Bella looked forward into the trees, eyes slightly unfocused. Her smile was wistful. "I can't wait for the indestructibility. Never having to worry about stepping on something sharp, something attacking you, really anything apart from you wolves and other vampires – it'll be fantastic. And not having to breathe, or probably even worry about pressure, I could explore the bottom of the ocean, Jacob. Can you even imagine it?"

All I could think of was giant squids, the titanic, and that weird fish with the glowing thing in 'Finding Nemo'.

I turned to Izzy on my side. I felt strangely rude to not include her in the conversation. "Well, you'd probably know the best, what is good about being a vampire rather than a human?"

Izzy looked to her hands, hair falling across her face. She looked shy. "I don't know if I feel indestructible. I feel pretty vulnerable still, especially when I see one of you wolves." I grinned at that, at least not all vampires were so arrogant to think we could be easily beaten. "There are good things, the speed for one. I could never have imagined it would feel like that, like you were flying. And then there's, um... the beauty."

She looked like she'd be blushing if she could, and her eyes wouldn't meet either of ours. Bella stopped shovelling food into her mouth for a second and smiled reassuringly. "You don't have to feel bad about admitting it. It comes with the deal. That's another thing I look forward to, being pretty like the rest of you guys. I feel like the troll of the family, and I can't help always feeling jealous."

Bella was anything but a troll, she was gorgeous. I did understand though, even with her red eyes the newborn beside me had perfected features. Right now, with Bella looking so wasted away ... I had to admit she was probably worse looking than the vampire beside me.

"Well, this new life... it's actually pretty good, better than my human one, anyway. It's nice to feel powerful; did you know I'm still stronger than Emmett?" She looked up at me and grinned smugly.

I looked down at her arms, they were pale and thin. The big guy inside was as bulky as me, and with vampire strength to boot. Bella had told me newborns were stronger than older vampires, just in strength not skill or anything else, but it was weird to actually see it.

"Arm wrestle, now, prove it," I held out my arm.

Izzy grinned even more smugly. She moved backwards, lying on her stomach with her elbow propping her up. I sat further down the stairs so I could use it like a table, and grabbed her cold, hard hand. Her hand was tiny in mine, her arm looked flimsy, but already I could feel strength in it. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

Bella was grinning around a slice of parmesan. "Wait, I'll referee," she swallowed. She shuffled forward, in between us, right over our joined hands. "Three, two, one, go!"

I pushed against the marble arm in mine. Izzy flashed a blinding smile, her arm didn't budge. Her burgundy eyes sparkled. "Told you so," she said before smashing my arm into the wood.

I bit back a swear, and pulled my arm to me. That had hurt. I tried to feel for anything broken, but everything seemed to work as I flexed my arm. The pain faded after a few moments, probably just a muscle strain or bruising.

Izzy was grinning smugly, and Bella was full out laughing. Every third laugh was a cough, and the rest were wheezy. It was probably not a good idea to make Bella laugh.

"Oh Jacob," she said breathlessly, "God you're funny. You do know the only vampire you have a chance of beating in an arm wrestle is Alice? Actually no, not even her."

I glared at her.

"I think you wounded his ego, Izzy," Bella chuckled again. Izzy giggled from behind me. I turned my glare at her.

"I'd have beaten you if I was in wolf form."

"I highly doubt that," Bella said. "I know your limitations probably better than you, Jacob. Vampires are stronger. Wolves are faster though, reflexes not just running."

"Do you have to always study everything? Am I just an experiment to you?" I kept my tone joking, but was a little creepy, like an invasion of privacy. Bella laughed again, and almost choked on a bite of cake.

"Yes, of course Jacob, you're just an experiment. When I look at you I see a frog ready to dissect." She emphasized her sarcasm with a punch that was surprisingly forceful for such thin arms, and another coughing laugh. It made me laugh too, even though I couldn't help thinking her flat statement held truth. Sometimes it felt like she was toying with my heart, but she didn't realize that. "Jacob, you're my friend, not a text book to study. I enjoy your company not your anatomy."

"Well, that's reassuring," I muttered.

Bella chuckled again, shoving more food into her mouth. I copied her. I really was very hungry, and – even with a vampire sitting next to me, giving anything I ate a taste of flowers and fairy floss – the food was really good. The food didn't last long, between both of us gulping it down like we'd been starving.

Bella sighed after the last crumbs of cake had been licked from her plate. "I'm going to have to get back to Rose now, before she drags me in. The baby starts to panic after too long without me, and then it starts to kick and punch."

"Sounds like a wonderful child," I muttered.

Bella rolled her eyes. "Thanks for being here, Jacob, for doing all this... especially after all that has happened."

I didn't know what to say to that. She knew I only did this for her, and we both knew that by now I wouldn't get the reward of her love. Brotherly love and friendship didn't count. All I did was nod. She smiled sadly at me, giving me a little wave, before walking inside with the empty plates.

I stayed on the stairs. I wouldn't go back inside to see her begin to turn herself into a zombie, and I wasn't eager to run around in circles for an hour.

Izzy didn't move off, which surprised me. It seemed all the vampires wanted to watch Bella to some degree.

"You were a good babysitter, didn't even need to impose a bed time. Now you can go back inside."

Izzy frowned, and ran a hand over her forearm. "I, uh, don't really want to go inside."

"Why?"

She pursed her lips, then turned and frowned inside. No one watched from the windows, you couldn't see anyone inside, but I knew they were there. They were probably listening right now.

Izzy stood, walking forward across the yard. She waved at me to follow. My brow furrowed. I guessed she didn't want those inside to hear or see whatever she wanted to say. Either that or she thought I was a threat and thought she could take me out. It didn't seem like the latter. I couldn't guess what she wanted to hide though, and why she even tried. The mind reader would hear us anyway.

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