Chapter 21

Tara had decided months ago that there was no better high, nothing that felt as good as Jackson Teller. And that was still her simple truth, but she thinks she may have found a close second. To her amazement she finds freedom from her thoughts, and from everything really, on the back of her boyfriend's bike. True to his estimation, Jax completed all the work on his '91 Dyna in a week. Unfortunately for the pair, heavy rains kept them from enjoying their first ride. But it was definitely worth the wait in Tara's opinion. Any trepidation she had about riding on a motorcycle was gone almost instantly. Jax knew what he was doing, which she supposed made sense considering his father started the Redwood Original.

The bike comes to a stop and Tara looks around at the beautiful sight surrounding her. As she takes the helmet off slowly, Jax takes a moment to watch her. She looks beautiful, cheeks flushed and hair windblown. His first ride was everything he thought it would be and more. So much more because he had Tara wrapped around him, surrounding him in a way that he finds hard to explain. She just makes everything better. He was disappointed by the weather this week but at the same time, the thought of taking his first ride without his old man was depressing. Briefly he thought that maybe his old man sent the rain as some sort of sign or some bullshit. But this morning, as he watched the sun come up, he knew today was the day. "You liked it." He smiles as he watches Tara meet his gaze and her eyes light up to that jubilant shade of jade he loves so much. Christ, he just loves everything about her. He even wanted to tell her that but the thought alone scared the shit out of him.

"It was…" He watches as she tries to find the words to describe her first ride. "Everything you said it would be. It was amazing. We were going so fast, I couldn't think!" She takes a breath. "The wind…the colors…I loved it! I love it! We have to ride your bike everywhere."

She's hardly ever this animated and he's so happy. She shares another one of his passions. "Deal!" He seals his word with a kiss, gets off the bike and then helps her off.

"Where are we?" She asks, looking around.

"Just outside Walnut Grove." He answers, while pulling out a blanket, their novels, and their sketchpads from his side saddlebags. "This is where my old man brought me the first time he let me ride his bike by myself."

"It's beautiful." She smiles that smile that is reserved solely for him, at least he believes it is. He's never seen her smile that genuine with anyone else. He could look at her mouth all day. Ever since he has gone down on her two weeks ago, he can't help but imagine her mouth wrapped around his cock. But he has no idea how to go about asking her for it. Crow-eaters were easy, you just guided their head to your dick. But he had no idea of how to handle the situation with Tara. He was so afraid to scare her off. He'd live the rest of his life without a blow-job before he'd lose her. "I've been wanting to bring you here." He has discovered that Tara loves to travel and visit new places. While she's apparently taken it upon herself to venture into Lodi and Stockton; she's never really been anywhere to sightsee or wander around. Now that he has his ride, he plans to remedy that. He finds them a spot to settle into and they open the blanket before he sits down with her head in his lap. He loves just being here with her like this, running his hand through her thick hair. He never really had a thing for brunettes until he met her. But now that he thinks about it, she's changed everything about him; how he looks at the world and himself, how he reacts, and how he feels. He smiles, knowing he would never trade anything for what he has with Tara. "You ready for tomorrow?" She asks him.

"I think we should skip it." Tomorrow is Saturday and marks the beginning of Memorial Day weekend. It is also the day his mother will become Mrs. Clay Morrow. "We can ride anywhere for the weekend. Come back on Monday and I'll get you to school on time Tuesday, Knowles."

"To make up for me skipping today?" She leans up and pushes him down gently so she can lay alongside of him. His smile is the only acknowledgement that he gives her. "It sounds great, baby, but we have to study for finals."

She reaches for his hand and he intertwines his fingers through hers. "WE?"

She ignores him but smiles nonetheless before continuing, "And your mother would postpone her wedding to track you down." He makes a noise somewhere between a groan and huff or maybe a little bit of both. "Besides, she's already rented that suit for you."

"Don't remind me." He pleads.

"You're gonna look hot." She teases.

"I'm sure." Comes the reply laced with that confidence that is foreign to Tara. "I'm trying here, babe, but I'm still not okay with all this shit."

"I know." She loosens her hand from his grip to play with the scruff along his chin. "But you love your mother and want her to be happy, right?"

He takes a deep breath, "Yeah." This conversation is nothing new between them. Ever since Clay announced his engagement to Gemma, Tara has helped him come to grips with the situation. "I just…feel like it lessens the love my parents had." And that was the crux of his issue. He was certain the way he felt about Tara was love. Being without her or having her taken, even if he doesn't have the balls to tell her how he feels, he knows he wouldn't just be able to move on. And he's having trouble with the fact that his mother could move on so quickly, with one of his father's closest friends, which brings him to his next issue. Was Gemma capable of cheating on JT? He knew Thomas' death changed his father. But when you love someone, shouldn't you stick with them through anything?

Reading his many thoughts that are going full speed, Tara leans up enough to look him in the eyes. "Your dad would want her to be happy, right?" He nods in response. "Clay makes her happy?"

"I guess." Jax moves his shoulders in a gesture meant to indicate a shrug. "But I'm kinda busy." He admits.

"It must be hard for your mom." She grins, knowing she takes up every minute of his free time. "Thomas and your dad are gone, you are busy…with me. All she has really I guess is Clay and the club."

"I hear ya, babe. And I guess you're right." Again, she's not saying anything she hasn't told him before. "And there is something cool that will come from the wedding tomorrow."

"What?" Curiosity has her interested.

"Well, I get to see my girl in a dress." He brings her hand to his lips and kisses each finger. His eyes never leave hers.

"Are you serious?" She sits up, suddenly uncomfortable. "A dress? I'm expected to wear a dress?"

He tries really hard not to laugh but doesn't succeed. "What were you planning on wearing?"

"A pair of heels with a really nice pair of dress pants!" She felt nauseous. She had an entire outfit picked out. A dressed up pair of khaki colored pants with a white collared button up and a sweater vest over top. In retrospect, she should have expected this. Jackson had to wear a suit. But she didn't think a biker wedding would dictate her to dress up in more than dress pants. "I don't own a dress! I haven't worn a dress since…I don't know…third grade!" When her mother was alive, actually, but she doesn't tell him that.

He can see how he upset this is making her and sits up. "Tara, babe, I'm just kidding. Wear whatever you want. You're beautiful in everything." In an effort to calm her, he runs his hand through her hair and locks his eyes on her beautiful face.

Having him stare at her mouth wasn't helping her feel any more comfortable. Ever since he'd gone down on her, she swore she caught him looking at her mouth more. She thought about it, about pleasuring him with her mouth. The thought terrified her. She wasn't exactly sure how to do it. And she wasn't sure why she couldn't just ask him. She was nervous but he always put her to ease about everything. That wasn't true. She knew why she was nervous. Jackson Teller probably had his share of blowjobs by a variety of girls; none of which he had to give instructions to, she was certain.

"Hey, talk to me." He insists. "Something besides the dress thing is bothering you."

Christ, sometimes it was scary how he could read her mind. "Nope, nothing." And there is the smile that doesn't reach her eyes. "I have some errands to run in the morning before I'm due at the clubhouse to help your mom. I'll pick up something nice to wear."

"Really, you don't have to." He reassures her.

"Who am I to disappoint the prince?" She teases and finally gives him a real smile. Screw a prince, when she smiles at him that way, he feels like a king.

"You need to relax." Jax tells Tara late Saturday night. They are both naked, however, they are in his room together for the first time. Tara is laying on her stomach with her History textbook resting on the pillows. As soon as Clay and Gemma rode off into the sunset, he had Tara in a car from the garage and in his bed in minutes. He couldn't be bothered with changing clothes and riding his bike. He needed to get Tara home and out of the midnight blue, ankle length dress she was wearing.

"I'm trying." She shrugs. "I just keep expecting your mom to walk in and flip the hell out."

"They are officially honeymooning in Vegas." He reminds her for the tenth time. "Stop moving, you're supposed to be studying!" She's going to mess him up, he just knows it.

She looks behind her shoulder. "What are you doing anyway? It tickles."

Never taking his eyes off her lower back or the black Sharpie he's using on that same spot, he replies with, "Studying you."

"You're writing on me?" She stretches even more. "With a Sharpie? Jax!"

"I'm creating my latest masterpiece." His grin is wide. "Turn around and let me finish. It'll wash off eventually." It was so easy, months ago when Happy mentioned Tara getting a tattoo, for Jax to envision her with a crow. But he hadn't really thought of it since then. However, when he noticed some of the Tacoma members checking out Tara's ass, he wanted to introduce them to his fist. Happy pulled him aside and reminded him that she wasn't tagged and men were entitled to look, even if she was jailbait. Suddenly, he couldn't get the idea out of his head and now he had to do something about it.

"I must be crazy." She mutters but turns her attention back to her textbook. "Okay Teller, let's talk ungoverned communities."

"Sure thing!" He grins. School was never a highlight in his life, the importance never stressed in his house, but he has to admit that studying with Tara is definitely a highlight. He's never had intellectual conversations like this with anyone but his dad. He laughs as they begin to discuss the fall of the Icelandic Commonwealth. He most certainly could never talk about this stuff with any other female he's ever crossed paths with. They both get lost in the conversation and before he knows it, he is finished. Damn, he's good. His crow soars proud and the banner it carries marks Tara as his forever. Suddenly, he's nervous about what her reaction to this will be. As she finishes up questioning him on the facts of the ungoverned communities he steers the conversation in another direction. "You looked beautiful today."

She turns in his direction, "So you've mentioned but thank you again." He loves the blush that has crept up her neck and onto her cheeks. "I've never been to an actual mall before." Lodi and Stockton only have strip malls. "It was….overwhelming." She laughs softly. "And I was in a rush. Didn't do too bad I guess."

He tries to trample down this strange emotion that he only ever feels in situations involving Tara. "You went to Oakland?" Something in his tone makes her sit up. "Careful! He reaches to steady her. "I'm not sure the marker is dry."

"What's wrong with me going to Oakland?" She asks uneasily.

"How'd you get there?" He demands in response. Oakland was a good hour and a half away.

"Bus." She crosses and uncrosses her arms before pulling his sheet over her lap and torso. Sitting there naked left her feeling too exposed. "What's the problem, Jax?" She asks in exasperation.

"Alone?" He pushes.

"Yes, alone!" Her voice gets louder. "What's the big deal? I told you I had errands to run."

"In Oakland?" He clarifies. "What's in Oakland that you can't find in Lodi or Stockton?" Just to think that he hates when she goes there by herself, now she's venturing even further to Oakland, nonetheless where SAMCRO has beef. She puts her head down, making it obvious that she doesn't want to tell him. "Tara! Tell me!"

She hates getting yelled at. She gets enough of that shit from her old man. "Calm down and tell me why you are so pissed I was in Oakland." She demands.

"I'm not mad!" He runs his hand through his long hair and pulls on it roughly. "I don't know, maybe I am. Christ Tara, that's a long bus ride." He takes a deep breath, trying to calm the rage building inside. "And you had to leave early to get there. And that's Mayan turf."

She never thought about that. She didn't know much about SAMCRO's business shit but she'd heard mention of the Mayan's around the clubhouse before. "I…I went to that free clinic they have there." She thought about going to the one in Stockton but decided against it as there might be a risk of her dad finding out.

"Are you sick?" He tries to think if he's noticed anything that would indicate she was.

"No." She meets his gaze. "You remember a few weeks ago when we forgot the condom?"

"Yea, when you couldn't wait to get me naked." He teases. His grin leaves his face immediately. "Oh shit." Holy-fucking-shit, he never had sex without a condom and the one time he did, he knocked her up.

Realizing his train of thought, she laughs. "I'm not pregnant." She assures him quickly. "I had my period last week, remember?" Immediately the tightening in his chest disappears.

"Yea." He did remember. He remembered complaining because it was five days he went without being inside her. "So why were you there?"

"Well, I thought it would be a good idea to get on birth control…I know you pulled out…but still…."

"Birth control sounds awesome." His smile was huge. Goodbye, condoms. He noticed she didn't look as happy as he felt. "So, what's the problem?"

"Problem?" She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, "There is no problem. In fact, the doctor told me about this new birth control that is out. It's a shot. I'd get it every three months. She thinks it's better for girls my age because we forget the take the pill the right way."

"You nervous because it's new?" He's trying really hard to see the problem here and drawing a blank. "Just take the pill, babe, you're super responsible." He'd never trust another chick with that but Tara isn't any random chick.

"Nah, there are so many regulations and things. I think it's pretty safe." She takes a deep breath. "So, you think it's a good idea for me to go on birth control?"

"I think it's a great idea!" And he does. The one time he was inside of her raw was amazing. He definitely wanted that again. "But you don't?" She's holding something back, he knows it.

"No, I do." She takes a deep breath. "The doctor gave me a test today too…for diseases."

"Why?" He's confused. "You've only been with me." A fact he loves.

"But you've been with…other girls." She reminds him looking down.

He fists her hair gently, bringing those beautiful green eyes to his blue ones. "Never without a condom. I swear Tara. I would never put you at risk."

"I know." She soothes, bringing her fingers up to his scruff, "But condoms break and stuff, nothing is 100 percent."

"What are you saying?" Didn't she know there was nothing he wouldn't do for her? "You need me to get tested or something?"

"Would you?" She asks and he can see all the tension leave her.

"Anything for you babe." He pulls her to him for a kiss. "I don't know why you were so nervous." He kisses her again. "I'd do anything to be inside you raw." He laughs when she smacks him. Now onto something he's nervous about. "I'm sure my masterpiece is dry."

"What did you draw?" She smiles.

He doesn't know how to explain it or if she even knows about the crow. "Why don't you check it out in the bathroom mirror?" He suggests instead. He admires the view as he watches her wrap the sheet around her body and creep cautiously into the bathroom across from his bedroom. He stands in the hallway and watches as she looks at it for the first time. There are so many emotions across her face he can't keep up. "What do you think?" At her silence, he tries to lighten the mood. "It'll wash off soon."

"Why?" She asks him.

"The crow is the symbol of SAMCRO." He shrugs, going with the simplest explanation possible. "I'm SAMCRO."

"Gemma and LuAnn have crow tattoos." Tara meets his gaze. Their tattoos were nowhere near this detailed, this big, or this amazing. At Jax's silence, she asks, "Is this how SAMCRO brands their women?"

He knows he's treading thin ice here. Tara is big on independence and women's rights. "Not how you're thinking. Well…" He laughs anxiously. "Maybe for them, it could be how you're thinking. It shows they belong to their old man and they are loyal to the club."

"And what do you want this to say?" She pushes for a clarification.

He walks all the way in and joins her against the vanity. "That you're with me." He knows it is too soon to say this word when he hasn't even said the love word to her yet but he does anyway. "Forever."

"I am with you Jackson." She rises up on the tips of her toes to give him a kiss that says more than any of their deep conversations ever could. He watches as she turns and looks in the mirror at his drawing on her lower back, "It really is beautiful." She tries to bite her lip to contain her smile but it's too late, he's already seen it.

"Not as beautiful as the girl wearing it." He grabs the sheet that is around her lower body and brings it up around her shoulder blades, pulling her to him. "And one day? You're gonna wear the real deal, babe."

Her entire face lights up. He's just given her a promise, whether he knows it or not, a future. It's more than she's been given by anyone before. "We've had a big night." She kisses his chest. "I'm going to stay out of Oakland, you're getting tested for STD's, and one day you are branding me." She laughs when he nods with a smirk in agreement. "I'm exhausted. Take me to bed, Teller." She shrieks when he throws her over his shoulder caveman style and tosses her down on his bed before tossing her textbook off the bed and turning out the light. "Night." She whispers finally from the warmth of his embrace.

"Thank you." He runs his hand down her arm, enjoying her nakedness before she finds one of his shirts to cover up in at some point. He wouldn't have survived watching his mother marry his dad's best friend if it wasn't for her. "For everything babe."