Fear of Loss

Tobias POV

I wake up peacefully for a change, I turn to the clock and see 4:24am. I look down to see Tris fast sleep with her head on my chest, I cannot help but smiles. Damn she is so cute when she is asleep. I think to myself then I look up the sofa and see the Eli isn't there. Oh god. Please, please be ok.

I carefully slide out from under Tris replacing my body with a pillow. I pray that she is in the bathroom, I walk inside and see it empty. I am filled with worry. I walk out the bathroom, my hands moving through my hair, I look back to the bed and see Tris still fast asleep. My eyes drift to the left and I see a note, I frown deeply walking towards the bedside table, picking up the note.

Toby,

Something came up, I will explain everything when I get back. Do not worry about me, I will be safe.

Keep an eye on Tris and DO NOT let her out of your sight. At least until I get back. I love you.

Eli.

P.S You and Tris are so adorable when you're both asleep.

I read it twice completely confused, Why do I need to keep an eye on Tris? What is going on? What do I not know? What did I sleep through? How the hell can she ask me not to worry, I have no clue where she is. I can't go find her unless I wake Tris up and bring her with me. I ponder for a few minutes pacing back and forth. No I am going to have to wake her up, if something happens to Eli and I just sit around I will never forgive myself. I walk over to Tris I gently shake her.

"Tris, babe, wake up. Eli has gone and she only left a really strange and vague note." She sits up awake and alert.

"What do you mean strange and vague?" she answers looking at me worried I hand her the note and I watch as she reads it twice. "Don't let me out of your sight? What, why?" she looks at me as if I know all of the answers, I wish I did I wish I knew what Eli knew.

I shake my head, "If I knew I wouldn't have woke you up, I need to find Eli, she told me not to let you out of my sight and I am going to trust her judgement so you are coming with me."

Tris nods climbing out of bed, "It must be serious if she doesn't want me out of your sight." She ponders for a minute, then worry hits her in the face "What if she doesn't trust me or something? What if she hates me Tobias?"

"Tris relax, she loves you and she trusts you. if she didn't why would she ask Max if she could live with us?" I try to comfort her, as I walk to get ready quickly.

"True, I guess she wouldn't do that would she? So what do you think it means?" she gets ready to, I must say it is the quickest she has ever gotten ready. She must know how anxious I am.

"I do not know, but since the note is vague I believe it is important, if it was unimportant then she have wrote everything in the note. she never says 'something came up' she is never that brief with me." I sigh deeply worried. "What has she stumbled onto?" I question my hand moving through my hair.

Tris takes my hand and walks to the door I expect it to be open because Eli left. I asleep Tris thinks the same because she tries to pull it open but it doesn't budge. I look on the table and the key is still on the table. I frown deeply, I pick up my key and unlock it, and we both walk out. "Training room?" Tris questions me and I smile. She knows her just as well as she knows me.

"I am hoping she is there. There is no other place she would be at this time." I reply trying to be positive. I end up jogging because I so worried and anxious I just want her to be safe.

Tris jogs with me her hand still in mine, I jog down the corridor through the pit and down another corridor towards the training room. It is empty. "Shit." I shout out of frustration.

"Hey come on she will be ok." Tris tells me in a soothing voice.

"I am supposed to look after her Tris, she keeps disappearing, one day she might not come back!" I shout not at her but at the world and how angry I am.

"Tobias she told you not to worry it means that she has everything under control, you said you trust her judgement." She tries to comfort but that just made me more anxious.

"Yes but if she thinks you are in danger she will do a selfless thing and probably risk her life so you will be safe. She is so selfless like you. She will not think of herself for a single minute." I say stressing, pacing back and forth. "Control room." I mutter running fast I see Zeke there asleep I roll my eyes.

I log into my computer and open the file for the CCTV footage. I click on the camera for outside my apartment. I rewind it fast, I slow it down when I see Eli leave with someone, and I rewind it more, to when the intruder enters. I feel Tris leaning on the back of my chair, I watch and I try to listen but there is nothing that can be heard when the intruder is in our room. 5 minutes later Eli comes out with the intruder locking the door behind her but not with a key. Suddenly she is slamming the intruder against the wall. The intruder seems to be shitting himself. The convocation I still cannot hear. That is when I notice it, blue clothing.

"It's Erudite. Why would Erudite be our room? Damn it why can't I get a good view of his face" My teeth grit with frustration, I watch the scene unfold, I watch as Eli's hold slackens.

A few minutes later she looks down the corridor grabbing his wrist before running, I follow them on the cameras. I realise when they don't show up again. That they must have went through the secret exit.

"Damn it, Eli!" I mutter putting my head in my hands.

Tris wraps her arms around me from behind, instantly trying to comfort me "I'm sure that she has a plan of sor- Hey, look, she hasn't left. The intruder seems to be gone though."

I look up and see that Tris is right, I smile but then I frown confused. "Why would she help him leave?"

"We will have to find out." Tris answers with worry in her face, "Let's just see what unfolds."

I nod in agreement, following Eli on the cameras, I see her in the tech room. I frown so confused. "What is she doing?" I see her looking through the junk box. I watch as she sits slump as if something wasn't going to plan. "What is she planning?" a few minutes later she grins picking up the serum needle. She walks out with it in her hand, I follow her to the science room. I see her making a serum, she mends the serum from trial and error I fast forwards 4 hours and watch as she does something with the computer, then I watch horrified as she injects herself.

I watch her eject something from the computer then walk down the corridor I follow her down the corridors and I know the route she is taking, "She came here." I mutter. Luckily there were cameras in the control room I watch as she plugs something in the back of my computer and I watch as she signs in setting something up, I couldn't see what though. I watch as she heads to the training room, she is still there. "What was she doing on my computer?"

I start searching through my folders and see a folder that was never there before 'E' I frown deeply, I double click on it but it is encrypted. "Damn it Eli what are you planning, what is so important that I cannot know."

"Maybe she will tell you, she said in the note that she will explain everything, just let her ok? Don't go jumping to conclusions and don't just yell at her." Tris says from behind me and I sigh deeply and nods

"Your right, come on, if I go to her without you she will freak saying I didn't listen to her." I reply with a little smile, I log out before standing up taking Tris' hand and we walk to the training room, I lean again the doorframe as I watch Eli doing pull-ups.

I hear the winces now and then she was pushing herself talking to herself, "Come on Eli. You have been though worse. You can pass this. If you can train with 3 fucking stab wounds and whippings then you can train with a bullet wound." I freeze when I hear what she says, I am filled with anger that Marcus was that bad.

"Eli, I was so worried when I read your note. What is going on?" I question, somehow my voice was calm and concerning.

Eli's head snaps in our direction. "Oh good you didn't leave Tris alone." She jumps down and grunts. "Damn it." I hear her mutter. Her hand covering her wound.

I walk over to her, I help to a bench I expect her to refuse and cause a fuss but she doesn't. "Why are you pushing yourself so much, what is going on? Why do I need to keep an eye on Tris?"

She looks at me with worry in her eyes, she looks down and sighs, "I couldn't sleep like at all. So I got up and went for a shower when I came back someone was by your bed, staring at Tris muttering about how sorry he was. I was stunned at first, I found myself alert when I saw hand move to touch her cheek, there was no way that I was going to let anyone hurt one of my loved ones." Eli sighs again, she was gasping a little from pain. I am full of anger why would anyone be in my room? why would anyone go near my Tris. "Can I have some water please?" she adds.

I turn away to get her some water when I turn I see a smile on Tris's face, she is happy that Eli classed her as a loved one. I fill her water bottle up at the water fountain then brings it back handing it to her. She takes a long drink, wiping her mouth afterwards. I look at her expectantly, she looks at me and nods.

"I told him to step away, I asked who he was, and he said his name is Caleb-" she started the story again but she was cut of my Tris.

"Wait Caleb was here? In dauntless? Why?" she was questioning stunned.

"If you let me continue I will answer all of your questions, well I still don't really know why he was there at the time." She is frowning deeply, I watch as she zones out.

I sigh deeply, I just wanted to know what the hell is going on and what she is planning I really don't have the patience right now. "Eli." I call with a raised voice.

She snaps her head to look at me, "Oh right sorry, I asked him why he was there and he started stuttering, you both started moving then, I didn't want to wake you and he didn't seem much of a threat because he was literally shitting himself." She pauses to look at Tris who just nodded, "I studied him and came to the conclusion that he wasn't going to run so I quickly wrote the note, which is why it was so messy. Grabbed his wrist and dragged him out of the apartment, I locked in behind me quickly then slammed him against the wall." I hear Tris gasp, She is acting like we haven't watched it all on the CCTV. Good on her. "I asked what he was going to do with you, at the time I didn't know he was your brother it was too dark in the apartment to see the features, he replied that he would never hurt you. That is when I saw him properly, I saw how similar he looked to you, which was when I knew he was related to you, I knew I couldn't hurt him unless he made the first move."

"Why?" I couldn't help but ask, why wouldn't she hurt him? He broke into our apartment.

"I…I didn't want Tris to hate me, you love her so much so I want to get on with her too. She is important to you so she is important to me. She is going to be my sister soon. I know it's supposed to be faction before blood but I know you can't just turn your emotions off. So if she ever found out I hurt him without a real reason then she would hate me and I didn't want to put that sort of strain on your relationship." She answers looking at her hands the whole time.

I am stunned by her answer, I wasn't expecting all of that. She is so selfless and mature. I smile and kneel in front of her, "That is very selfless and thoughtful of you, to think of us like that." I pull her carefully into a hug, she wraps her arms around me hugging me tight then suddenly she pulls away, sitting back on the bench and looks away.

"What? What is wrong?" I ask my voice thick with worry. She still hasn't told me what is going on. I see why she is looking away, there are tears in her eyes.

"She is in danger because of me, it is all my fault. I should have stayed at abnegation I should have just taken the beatings till he killed me at least you would have been happy at least she would be safe." She was rambling and trembling her voice cracked so much as she cried.

"Eli…Eli stop, what is your fault? Why is she in danger?" I question with anger and worry. What has she done?

"They want the location of the secret tunnel at abnegation, there is something important from our ancestors there. They saw it when they were in my memories. Caleb said that I was too strong and too aware for them to kidnap me and Max refuses to help them. He said that they think that I told Tris the location and she is weaker option which is a load of bullshit. Anyways they are going to use the truth serum on her and I don't know what they are going to do if they find out that she doesn't know. It's all my fault Toby I am so sorry, but I am fixing it, I am…I have ideas I have plans."

She is breaking down into tears, her voice sounding like it was a plea for me to forgive her, as if she had murdered Tris. It was horrible to watch her so defeated and lost, but continues through though her tears she was stuttering because she was crying so hard "I'm…I'm going…to train her too…I'm going to push her…I won't let her go…without a fight…I swear I promise…please don't hate me…I'm sorry." She is rocking back and forth now. This is effecting her so much. It is breaking my heart. I look at Tris and I see it is breaking hers too. She has tears streaming down her face.

I sit down next to Eli and pull her onto my knee, "Hey…hey Eli, I do not hate you, I am proud of you, you stood up to the stranger in our room, you found out information that we would never have known if you weren't there. We will be able to protect her because of you. Please don't think I will ever hate because I won't." I rock her a little.

"If I just stayed where I was none of this would have happened." Her voice has more control but her tears still fall.

"Eli, never think that. I am so glad you away from that monster, I would rather face what we have ahead then think about you being back at abnegation. Please will face it all together. I think you training Tris is a brilliant idea, you can train me too. We will be ready, first I want you to tell me your plan. What are your thoughts?"

Eli looks up at me and I can see the cogs turning, I assume she is thinking if she should tell me, she is going to think I am going to be mad about it and if it's Eli's plan I probably will, but for her sake I am going to try my best to keep a level head.

"ok. Please don't be mad about it though because I think it is a good plan that has very few ways of going wrong." She looks at me with fear in her eyes, Why would she be afraid of me? or is it about what she will she think?

"I will listen." I answer it was the best that I could come up with. I couldn't promise it. I don't know if I will be able to stay calm if it is an insane stupid plan.

"When…if they kidnap Tris then when they know that she doesn't know the location I presume that they will make a trade of some sort, Tris for me and they will make me tell them everything."

I am already shaking my head back and forth, Eli sees it, "Let me finish before you judge please."

I look at her and sigh deeply before nodding, "I have put some wheels in motion that will make it so we know exactly what is going on in Erudite, I made a serum where you can see whatever I can see. I have hacked into their system so we have their CCTV. You will be able to find me with ease, because I am going to find a footprint of Erudite' building and I am going to make sure that I show you clues like room numbers or floor numbers. You will be able to come and save me before anything bad happens." I raise my eyebrow, it wasn't actually a bad plan at all. Except it is all if they use Tris as a bargaining chip.

"What if they don't trade and they go for the kill instead?" I state with my arms folded even though she was still sat on my knee.

"That wouldn't be a smart move, considering they are Erudite I highly doubt they would do that. If they were going for the kill then we have their camera so we will know and will be able to save her." She answers with confidence. "or I can just give her the serum too, it is up to you and Tris." She looks down at her hands, she doesn't know if it a good plan. She doesn't know if I am mad about it.

I let a deep sigh out, "Let me talk to Tris about this." I say and with that she moves off my knee and walks out of the training room with tears in her eyes. "Where are you going?" I ask worried she was going to do something stupid.

"Going to the apartment so you can talk." She takes another step then turns back to look at us, "I am sorry that I am causing so much trouble for the both of you. I never wanted this, I never wanted to put you in danger Tris, and I…I already see you as my sister. I won't let anything happen to you. I just need you to know that." She says with the softest yet most broken voice I have ever heard. Then she is gone.

I look at Tris she looks heartbroken but impressed at the same time, "That…that was so emotional…" she states I could see her mind drifting, I put my head in my hands and she seems to notice, "Tobias that was an amazing plan, I don't know how she knows how to do those things but it is really impressive and I think it will work. I trust Eli, we should let them get me and see I know nothing, I will take the serum that Eli made. This plan will work and we will end up showing everyone who Erudite really are." I sigh deeply, great now both of the most important girls in my life have a death wish.

"What…I can't lose you Tris, you mean the world to me and I honestly don't think I can live in a world without you. what if this plan goes south? What if we don't get to you in time? I would never forgive myself." I look up at Tris tears in my eyes, I really can't lose her, she is both my strength and my weakness; Tris and Eli are my biggest weaknesses.

"Tobias, you and Eli will have my back, I trust you both with my life I mean I know Eli is young and I shouldn't put that sort of pressure on her but she has already made it her responsibility she is blaming herself for it all. She wants to fix it, I think she needs to fix it. I don't think she will ever forgive herself if she doesn't fix this. I think it will be her undoing. We both need to support her in her plan we need to prove to her that she can fix it that none of it was her fault in the first place. She is our little sister after all." She smiles as she says the last sentence.

"Our sister is she?" I couldn't help but grin, I know I shouldn't be in this situation but she always knows how to make me smile.

"Well she is the one that she sees me as her sister already. I mean it is official that we are going to get married so she will be my sister soon enough." She explains smiling, I pull her onto my knee and kiss her deeply and lovingly, it was only a short kiss, and I pull back.

"Let us go tell her how amazing her plan is." I smile picking her up carrying her over my shoulder.

"Put me down!" she is squealing, I am laughing as I carry her out of the training room. "Tobias Eaton you put me down right now!" she demands and I laugh more.

"Nope, I like this view, especially this butt." I smack her butt.

"Hey!" she whines but gives up the fight. "ugh hate you." she mutters.

"No you don't you love me." I grin walking through the pit with Tris on my shoulder.

"I would love you more if you put me down." She states.

I sigh softly and put her down. "Show me the love." She peck me then runs away laughing.

"Oh no you don't." I run after her, Tris stops suddenly at our apartment and I run straight into her with an "oomph".

I turn to look into my apartment and see the room a mess, glass all over the place. "oh god no." I run around, looking for a clue. I turn to leave to check the 'E' folder but I remember it has a password on, I walk back inside the apartment looking around hoping to find it. I hunt around the whole of the main room and find nothing. Tris walks into the bathroom where the door has been ripped of its hinges and I hear her gasp. "Umm Tobias."

I walk to her and as soon as I reach the door I stop stunned as I stare at the mirror, "8629" is written on it in blood.

"That must be it." I write it on the back of my hand with a pen, I must be crying because my eyes are blurred. I run towards the control room, Zeke is awake now.

"Four? What is wrong?" I cannot speak my body is trembling I am a nervous wreck, I cannot believe it, they took my sister, not without a fight though, she went down swinging, the apartment showed that.

Tris seems to answer for me, "Erudite took Eli." Zeke is panicking now too, asking lots of questions of "When? How? Why?" but I don't answer any of them Tris seems to answer all of his question I am so grateful she is here right now.

I am sat at my computer now, I type in my password. I double click on the 'E' folder. "Here goes nothing." I mutter I type in '8629' then click enter, it opens I smile, I soon frown. I double click on the first document that was named, "Read me." I open the file and start reading.

Toby,

If you are reading this then they have either taken me or I am going to make a trade and save Tris. I must have been able to leave a clue for you either way. I am so glad that you have been able to access this data. I have everything set up for you here, CCTV cameras and you will be able to see everything I see, I am afraid that means my memories too. If they are wanting the tunnel location then they will be wanting to access my memories to try to recognise the location.

Toby I am so sorry for what you will witness if you watch it, if you see my memory staring please…I am begging you please do not watch it, I do not want you seeing it.

I need you to know that I never wanted to leave you, I wanted to stay with you. If I was taken you need to know that I went down kicking and screaming. I am hoping that I would have taken a few down with me at least. I don't know.

If I voluntarily made a trade with Tris then it is so that I could save her life, I could see how much you love her, I saw the way you held her protectively I know that she is your world and your everything and she makes you happy. I know you are probably thinking right now that I make you happy too that I make you strong and all of that. I know that, I am trying to use that to my advantage, I need you to be strong for me right now. I need you to come and help me, I have it all set up for you I just need you to come and save me. Remember I trust you with my life, I know that you will come and save me because you are my big brother and that is what brothers do.

I need you to know that the past few days with you have been the best few days of my life, even the downs were the best because I had you and my friends by my side the whole time, cheering me up and making me laugh and smile. I have never had that before and it means so much to me that I got to meet you and that you accepted me. Even love me. I love you so much bro. You will be with me no matter what happens and I will fight with every ounce of my body, I will not let you down. I promise that I will not let you down.

It is time for you to be strong now, don't let your emotions get in the way, I know you can do this, with Tris by your side you can do anything, lean on her a little let her take some of your pain away, let her help you. I believe in you both. I know you will both give it your best. I know you will never let me down, I know that you will have given it 110%.

If you don't make it in time or something goes wrong then do not blame yourself, I love you and I forgive you. I do not want you beating yourself up if things go wrong. If something goes wrong my dying wish is that you live your life to the max, that you and Tris get married have kids be the amazing father that you are supposed to be. Hey maybe if you have a girl you can name her after me? I'm kidding you don't have to if you don't want to.

Anyways I don't think I needed to say that goodbye because I know you will get to me and I totally understand if you're mad at me, I will even let you call me Elizabeth until you calm down if you like?

Remember let Tris take some of the load, it will not be good for you to put it all on your shoulders. You will need her, she wants to be there for you so do not under any circumstances push her away. You both love each and need each other. I do not want you two to break up because of me, especially because of me, I love Tris as my sister, do not ruin that happiness for the both of us. I love see you both happy together it makes me so happy. I love you so much. I will see you soon.

Be strong for each other, be there for each other, and do not let the each other give up.

You are never alone, remember that.

Eli.

Tris,

Wow where do I even start? You are my sister already through and through, I don't care that you haven't married Toby yet. You are making him so happy and I can see how happy you are with him too and I am so glad you two have each other.

Tris you are the strongest and bravest girl I have ever met…ok so you are probably thinking I haven't met many girls that is true but I know you are so strong and brave, the look in your eye shows stubbornness. I know the look because I have it too, I think that is the one thing that Toby dislikes about us, that we are too stubborn to stop when our body has had enough.

So in case I haven't had time to train you, I want you in the training room as much as you can, I want you to do pull ups, press ups, it gives you muscles, that means your punches will be more effective. I also want you to run it will give you more stamina during a fight.

I have never seen you fight yet. So keep pressure around your abdomen, swing using the whole of your body, step into your punches and keep your stance 50-50 balance. (that is toby's weakness. He puts more weight on his left foot, which means his left side is his weakness, remind him of that and train together.)

Oh and of course stay on the balls of your feet, it makes you lighter on and it means you will be able to move at lightning speed, hell no one would be able to touch you. You are stronger than you know sis, never doubt yourself and never doubt your abilities, trust your instinct, you have good judgement and I believe in you.

Tris he will need you right now, now maybe more than ever, I know he will hate himself please don't let him hate himself, keep his mind focused on the mission don't let him think about who it is too much, don't let him doubt his abilities, he is amazing, strong, talented and brave. Just like you are, between the two of you I know that you will be come up with a plan and come and help me.

If he ever thinks that I hate him or that I am disappointed in him. I don't. I could never hate him. and I am never disappointed in him he could never disappoint me, I know he will give it his all. If he doesn't believe you that I don't hate him then remind him that he has made my life so much better, and he has made me laugh and smile and strong.

So have you I am so grateful for that, I just want to thank you for welcoming me with open arms. Will you be able to thank the rest of the gang if anything goes wrong? Thank them for being there for me since day one. Thank them for never giving up on or for looking at me like I am broken when they found out everything? You are all truly amazing people. I am so lucky to have known you all.

I couldn't ask for a better brother and sister in the world. I love you both so much.

Be strong for each other, be there for each other, and do not let the each other give up.

You are never alone, remember that.

Eli.

P.S I have told Tobias; If something goes wrong my dying wish is that you both live your lives to the max, that you and he get married have kids be the amazing parents that you are both supposed to be. Please make sure that he keeps my wish going? Or remind him of it after my funeral or something? Thank you.